03x02 - Monica

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Call My Agent!" Aired: 14 October 2015 –; present.*
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Agents at a Paris talent firm scramble to keep their star clients happy and their business afloat.
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03x02 - Monica

Post by bunniefuu »

Okay. I'm here for a check-in.
What have you done today?

Besides seeing my hairdresser.

Isn't it a little too short?

No, it's great.

Go on, what have you done?

Well, I've... like we agreed.

Yeah, I...
I'm picking myself up, I'm working.

What's your method?

Classic method... I take the...

the sheet of paper at the top of the pile,

I deal with it.
And that's it, nothing terribly sexy.

Where is this pile?
I don't see anything on your desk.

Don't make me search! Where is it?

It's here! The pile is here!

I haven't had time to sort...

What...

What is that? Move.

You're serious?

"Call Monica back: ad." Monica who?

Bellucci.

And what does this mean, "ad"?

It refers to renewing
her contract with Cartier,

I was supposed to call her...

for the new division, you know...

You left Monica Bellucci's image rights

in the cabinet of shame?

You are a public menace!

No, it's just...
I was going to take care of it.

Call her.

I'm on it! It's above the pile.

- Right now!
- sh*t,

Hicham, it doesn't work like that,
especially with Monica!

See, we do it tactfully...
We send her a text...

What are you doing?

Hicham! Damn it!

Hicham, damn it,
she's still filming in Australia.

After that, she has to go Rome.
She's very busy!

That's not how it works!

- Hey!
- Worse than Bolloré!

Pronto?

Hello? Gabriel?

- Hello, Monica?
- Yes?

Sorry to bother you... Did I wake you?

No, it's ten o'clock. I'm back in Paris.

Oh really? She's back in Paris.

I was going to call you.
Do you want to meet?

Yes! Actually, I wanted to talk
to you about something

this week, would that be possible?

- Do you want to have lunch today?
- Today?

Are you free?

- Yes.
- Great.

Great, then...

See you soon then. Ciao!

Ciao!

There you go.
It's all a question of energy.

Everything. Me, you, Monica...

Yeah.

My supervision is going
to do you a world of good.

For better monitoring,
you're going to share your desk with me.

What? Oh no!

Not here, your computer desktop.

That way I can monitor
your work in real time.

What's your password?

No, that's enough...

What's your password?

"Hichamyass." No spaces, with one "m."

Hold on, we'll find your contract.

It has to be here somewhere.

Doors closing.

sh*t!

- Hello.
- Hello!

Hello!

Don't worry,

I'm not here for an audit,
this is a personal visit.

Oh, phew! You gave me a fright.

No, I'm just stopping
by between two meetings.

Oh yes, you're going to be a mother!

Have you chosen a name?

Andréa won't even give us a hint.

No, still no name. It's a "rather tense"
negotiation, as you would say.

- Oh right...
- Do you have a nanny?

We still have time to figure that out.

Are you kidding?
That's the most important thing!

So you can still have a life,
go out, have a drink.

Because otherwise the panther there,
she's going to panic.

You should always listen
to Arlette when it comes to kids.

She doesn't have any,
so she's still lucid.

This way, Ms Martel.

After you.

What is it? What did you want to tell me?

Nothing. I love you, that's all.

Well, I have to go.

That's all? Oh no! That's not all.

Yeah?

Am I disturbing you?

No, not at all, come in, have a seat.

Thanks.

- No problem.
- Listen...

something occurred to me
this morning, after...

I was wondering something...

Yes?

How did you do things with Camille?

What exactly are you asking?

When she was little.

Did you see her?

Were you present?
Or were you in the background?

Well...

"In the background," yes, rather...

In the beginning, I tried to see her
from time to time.

And little by little,
her mother made it clear to me

that it wasn't good for anyone.

"From time to time", how often?

Once a year.
Usually around the Festival de Cannes.

And did you acknowledge her? Officially?

No.

You regret that?

Now, yes, I think so.

Why? Are you having problems
with your son?

No... Not at all.

I was just wondering, that's all.

Well, will you excuse me?
I have some calls to make.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

It's just, I have
a really fancy party this evening

and so, I wanted to accessorize a little.

Oh right, with a little Cartier bracelet.

No sweat...
No, Camille, you're an agent!

You can't steal from the shop anymore.

I wasn't going to keep it!

I need you to check JoeyStarr's
availability in February, please.

Yes, right away!

I loved sh**ting
that horror movie in Australia!

Plus, I brought out something
different, you know?

It was so funny!

Yes, it's always hilarious
to be decapitated.

Quanto sei stupido quando fai cosi!

You're doing really well at the moment.

You're radiant.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- So sweet.

Then again, it would be better if...

Forget about it,
we're not going to talk about that.

Yes, you can, go on!

It's just... I'd like to meet someone!

Someone... You mean, a man?

Well, yes! As far as I remember,
that's what it's called!

Well, you know,

people really exaggerate
the utility of those individuals.

Well, listen, winter is coming,

it's going to start getting cold.

No, but seriously,

you don't have any friends
to introduce me to?

Actually, yes,
because I'm also a marriage agency!

So what type are you looking for exactly?

Besides being warm-blooded?

I'd just like... a regular guy.

Yeah. No, but that's broad...

I don't know,
a math teacher, a cabinetmaker?

Someone who lives
in a normal size apartment,

who pays his bills,
who takes out his own trash!

Sounds nice!

No, because the guys I meet, it's...

it's ridiculous!
They're either egomaniac stars

or rich businessmen who talk nonsense.

I'm telling you the truth!

Look, I'll show you the messages.

Now, this one is an absolute star,

I can't tell you who it is.

No, I can't. Okay, listen...

After dinner, I only saw him once,
look what he writes me.

Now, listen to the other one!

The other one, he's good too.

Here: "Monica,

I'm going to pay everything
for you, everything!

Even the lawyers
dealing with your divorce!

I'm the man you need."

- That's nice, at least...
- No!

It's not nice, it's ridiculous!

- No, don't laugh!
- Excuse me.

It's absurd!

I know them by heart, these men.

They're not looking for a wife,

they're looking for a trophy!

And my problem

is that this is the only kind of man
who dares to approach me.

The others, I don't know,
they're hiding out!

Miss? Excuse me,

but this water... it's really very cold,

too aggressive for my throat.

Could I have
room temperature water, please?

Thank you so much.

You see, typically, "regular,"

is not the first word that comes to mind,

when people see you.

It's true, you're a powerful woman,

accomplished, famous...

I think I frighten phalluses, Gabriel.

I've had enough.

A shop owner then?
I'd help him with the register.

At night,
we'd lower the shutters together.

Don't turn around,
but I think we're being followed.

Oh really?

A black car there...

Would that be your rich businessman?

No, Gabriel, it's my chauffeur!

- Sorry!
- Oh, wait…

- Look…
- What?

What, do you want a book?

No! The bookseller!

He's handsome, isn't he?

- Oh yeah...
- In Notting Hill,

the actress dates the bookseller,

- do you remember?
- Yes.

We're going to find out if movies
are telling the truth

or if it's all bullshit.

Hello.

Do you have guidebooks
for singles in Paris?

Yes. In the back room,
in the "tourism" section.

I'm looking for something inspiring...

out of the ordinary, something special.

Could you help me?

I'll be right there.

He's not looking at me.

Find a Guy in Paris,
well, that's a classic.

But if you're a bit more adventurous,
there's also Naughty Paris,

and that's quite out of the ordinary.

Oh, I like that.

Excuse me! I'm sorry. I didn't see.

Didn't see what?
I seem terribly uptight, is that it?

No, not at all...

But sorry, that was inappropriate...

I don't know what came over me.

I'm going to find you something
more specialized, more appropriate.

But that seems interesting,
Naughty Paris.

- Oh, sorry! Excuse me...
- It's no big deal.

- No, let me help you.
- I'm such an idiot.

No, leave it.

I have something really good for you...

A beautiful book... elegant, spiritual...

Oh, is it this one?

How to crap when you're in love?

Excuse me?

- No, no, it's not that one.
- Gabriel,

- come see!
- I don't know why...

my colleague ordered that...

Do you know this one?
It's funny, isn't it?

I understand now!

The guide isn't for you,
it's for your friend, right?

Because I was thinking,
Monica Bellucci, single...

that's kind of hard to believe!

Hello? Yes! Hello.

Thank you for calling me back.

Yes, I saw it!
I stayed... yes, until the end.

Well, you were so radiant…

I'm telling you, it was sensitive.
It was... full of subtlety.

Really, what an act... Help!

Oh stop, leave her alone.

She's exaggerating, it's embarrassing.

Hello, this is Camille Valentini...

I turned down the job
but they gave it back to me

because my daddy was so sad.

This thing is a pain in the ass!

I just adore you! I saw you
in "Tough luck flies fart,"

you were so radiant
you b*rned my retinas.

Would you like to be in my little file?

Very funny.

But you're right, life is unfair.

You know more than me,

you're older, more cultivated,

you're more Parisian...
you're a much bigger bitch.

Hey, you're the perfect agent!

Why aren't you helping me?

I guarantee you,
there's enough work for two.

It's obvious I can't handle it alone!

Work enough for two, maybe.
But credit for just one.

That's what it's like here,
they only remember one name.

You hand out business cards
all over Paris.

I use the cards I prepared
to keep my desk from wobbling, see?

So thanks for your charity, Camillette,
but it's a no.

So, Monica? Did it go well?

Are you going down?

No, I was waiting for you. So?

No, I haven't talked to her
about the image contract yet.

Why's that?

Because she wasn't receptive.

Her mind was on other things.

What did I tell you? The moment,
you don't wait for it, you make it happen!

No, Hicham, not always.

Part of being an agent is also
understanding your client's needs.

Monica's were personal in nature.
So I helped her with that.

Afterwards,
she'll be more amenable, and then

we'll talk about the image contract.

Have a little faith in me!

Personal needs? What personal needs?

I'd also like to take care
of Monica Bellucci's personal needs!

No, Hicham,

she's looking for a regular guy, so...

Hicham!

Can I talk to you, please?

Yeah, sh**t. I'm listening.

Could you close the door? Thanks.

Alright. I've been thinking.

You've been pushing us all
to take on more challenges.

I like that.
You're creating new divisions,

I'm signing big clients.

We work well together.
I think this year's numbers prove it.

Stop! You know what they say in London?

"Tell me something I don't already know."

And in New York, they say "Cut the crap."

- Get to the point. I know.
- Alright!

I suggest you appoint me
general director of ASK.

It's done in many agencies.

It's a gesture of trust...

It allows the DG to run the company
and the boss to gain some perspective.

"Some distance," you mean?

That's up to you. You're the boss.

Okay, you'd also like
your capital reevaluated?

In line with my revenue, yes.

But more importantly, I can buy a portion
of the shares from you... in cash.

You don't have much
in common with the guy

who fainted the first time we met.

Has being back with your wife
given you your pep?

Not only that.

That almost makes me want to call my ex.

I read in a book that 80 % of couples

who try to get back together fail.

You want the title?

No.

You're right. It's a no for me too.

But you were right to try.
I'm telling you no

because a company is not a couple.

It needs one head, not two.

However, since you need motivation,

I could consider
increasing your fixed rate.

Ten percent more,
how does that sound?

Should I shut the door?

Andréa,
could I ask you something, please?

It's for one of my actors,
Dimitri Ballsac.

You know, he's rehearsing a play
in Bordeaux at the moment,

he also has a day of sh**ting
for a TV film in Strasbourg,

except that neither production
wants to pay his transport.

So, what do I say to my actor?

Dimitri Ballsac?

Tell him to change his name,

then we'll talk.

I'm stealing a candy.

What's that?

It's pretty, isn't it?

Goodnight!

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight!

Gabriel, I'm not sure...

Are you joking?
You look amazing like that!

Haven't you ever done this,
gone out incognito?

No, never.

We're going to have fun,
we're going to take it easy.

We're going to have regular drinks
with regular people.

These are my brother's friends.

Tons of single guys, you'll see!

What's your name?

Hey!

I'm Gabriel, Antonin's brother.

I came with a friend.

Chantal.

Yeah… Chantal!

Hey, Chantal. Come on in.

Thanks.

Put your coats and helmets
in the back, if you like.

- Thanks!
- Hello!

Hello!

As a blonde,
I look a little like Monica Vitti.

Oh yeah? But why Chantal?

I think it sounds like
a regular woman, doesn't it?

- Alright!
- Let's party!

- Hi, Romain!
- Hey!

- How are you?
- You know I'm getting a divorce?

Oh sh*t! Really... Well...

- You'll tell me all about it, okay?
- Yeah.

They don't have
a fridge for the bottles,

no elevator,
how do these people live?

Am I the one who smells like BO?

- No, seriously?
- You smell really good.

I'm stupid for wearing acrylic shirts.

- Who's that girl over there?
- She's a friend!

- You want a mojito?
- Yes, thanks.

Can you make a third one
for me, please?

A third mojito, here we go!

- Load 'em up!
- I'm loadin' 'em!

- Great!
- Everything's fine!

33... 34...

Ah! That's nice.

I'll be right back.

No, don't go! Where are you going?

Honey, if this is an erotic game, I...

I'm reaching my limit,

and it really hurts me to admit it.

We said we'd share our lists tonight...

for names.

Yes!

sh*t... I forgot my list at work.

But that's okay, I have it memorized.

Well, go on, start then!

Okay... No teasing, please!

No, of course not.

Okay... Clélia.

That's pretty. That's pretty, Clélia.

But I dated a Clélia,
and she was a little bipolar.

So, not so great.

Yeah...

Go on, what else?

Natacha? Russia, Tolstoy...

Is that another girl you slept with?

No! Oh no...

No, actually, there was a Natacha
in our prep class,

she had quite the moustache,

so everyone called her "Moustacha".

Okay, fine, forget it.

No, Colette, don't get upset!

Sorry, go on, tell me all of them.

I won't say anything else. Go ahead.

We're not ready for anything.

We don't have room for the baby,
we don't have a name, nothing!

The truth is, you're not invested
in this pregnancy.

Stop it! Not invested in this pregnancy?

What about my stretch marks?

And my sciatica? And the doctor's
appointments every two weeks,

where they fiddle with my crotch
to check for cervical dilation?

Stop it! You missed two appointments.

That was so embarrassing

when I found myself alone
with the gynecologist

who suspected pregnancy denial!

Our little girl's not even born yet!

Can't we enjoy our freedom
just a little bit longer,

enjoy being just the two of us?

Where are you from?
What's that pretty accent?

I'm Bulgarian.

Oh right! That's what I thought.

I came to France for my studies
and I stayed.

You did the right thing, Chantal.
What do you do?

The same as everyone else!

I work, I take the subway,
I go to the market,

I buy my vegetables,
my bread, my meat.

You like grocery shopping.

No, I'm kidding!
Actually, I also like that!

I can spend hours at the market, choosing,

wondering what I'm going to cook.

- You cook?
- Yeah, I manage.

And what are you going to make me
when you invite me to dinner?

It's funny, you look like Monica Bellucci.

Has anyone ever told you that?

A few times, yes… But I don't see it.

You do look like her.

No, wait,
it's a compliment, she's gorgeous!

But... what an idiot!

Do you know her?

No, but it's so obvious.

She seems so fake.

I saw her in an interview,
it was a disaster!

- She has nothing to say.
- Really?

I'm not judging her,

because that's the problem
with a lot of actresses.

Well, yes... You're right.

Actresses are pretty dim, that's a fact.

I have a theory.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah!

I think when girls

put everything
into their physical appearance,

they don't need to work on anything else.

It's true, isn't it?

Well, yes... It makes sense.

That's why, incidentally,
very ugly people

are often very intelligent.

And so, you, it's hard to say

what category to put you in.

Neither very handsome,
nor very intelligent.

Here.

I fell for it...

I'm not much for domestic life.

Yes, I know.

See, to me, domesticity is narrow, it's...

it's petty bourgeois,
it's deadly boring...

It's my parents.

I've come a long way, don't forget that.

That's not true.
Those are clichés, I hate that.

It's like those party goers who are no fun
and say it's no fun,

and who don't budge from the couch.

A party is what you make of it!
The same is true for a home.

And a couple...

I know, that's why I want it
to be a wonderful party.

With you, with her...

Here we are!

It's been ages since I danced like that.

- Feels good, doesn't it?
- Thank you, it was wonderful.

This idea of a regular guy
is completely stupid.

I think it's impossible, actually.

I don't want a star, but not a guy

who doesn't understand anything
about my job either.

A small star then!

Well... Oh my. It's late.

I'm going to go... Goodnight, "Chantal"!

Goodnight, Gabriel.

Call me?

- Sheila?
- Yes, ma'am.

Can you open the door? I'm cold!

- Noémie? Are you free tonight?
- Tonight?

For an amazing theater production,
beyond sold out,

I had a hard time getting an invite.

But I have to go
to the screening of Hippolyte's film.

And there are actors I'm interested in
in the show I can't go to.

Maybe you could be my headhunter?

Sorry, I really can't tonight.

You're not seeing Philippe I hope?

No...

Don't you relapse, okay?
That guy was hurtful!

He was toxic waste!

Now really, you're exaggerating.

Friends are also there
to point out the truths

we'd prefer to forget.

Yes, but we also experienced
some wonderful things,

and you shouldn't forget that either.

Yeah...

Well, yes...

We actually freed each other...

together, it's as if

we became different
from what we were in life.

And physically, that was...

- What?
- Noémie,

did you find the amendment
to Kristin Scott Thomas's contract?

Yes, it's coming, Mathias, just a second.

And... yeah, it was...

Sometimes, I just had to look at him
in a certain way and, then,

he'd get an erection, just like that.

It was incredible!

I felt like a sorceress.

And then after,
when he came in my arms,

he was so surprised.

He made such a tender little cry,

so new...

like a baby mammal discovering life.

Noémie?

Here it is, I've got it, Mathias!

Thanks.

Hi, Gabriel, did you sleep well?

Hi, Monica.
Yes, apparently he slept well,

since he still hasn't arrived
at the office.

Are you his new assistant?

No, I'm his boss. Hicham Janowski.

Hello!

Hello, Monica! Yes, it's...

- Yes?
- It's...

it's me, it's Gabriel.

- Yes, how are you?
- Good...

Listen,
about your advertising contract division,

I thought about it and...
I might be interested.

Oh, great!

I'm so happy. You want to stop by
the office to talk about it?

Could you come by the house instead?

I wanted to show you
some photos for an ad,

but they're very large format,
not very practical to carry.

Yes, hold on.

Could you tonight?

Yes, sure, great!

I'll make you my secret risotto recipe.

Okay. 8:30pm?

Great!

Bye!

Sheila?

Could you draw me a bath, please?

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

WE HAVE TO TALK.

NOT NOW, I'M TOO BUSY

You poor thing,
your bruxism hasn't improved.

- What?
- Bruxism.

It's when you clench
your teeth too hard.

It can have serious pathological effects
all the way down to your colon.

Do I get up in your face?
Mind your own ass, okay?

Do I talk about your breath?

Damn it!

WATERFRONT VILLA

I'm inviting you to diner this evening,
you and Colette.

- This evening?
- Yeah. I made reservations. 8:30pm.

Hold on... Why tonight?

What's going on?
Is there are problem?

None at all. I just feel like
eating well, that's all.

And…

We'll take the occasion
to revise our pact.

What? No! The pact is fine, Hicham.

No. It needs a little update.
I'm counting on you.

Don't eat the whole jar,
you'll ruin your appetite.

PREMIÈRE INVITATION
TO "LIFE IS A DREAM"

It's right over there
and it's free seating.

- Thanks!
- Have a good night.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

You should have a seat under the name
Camille Valentini, please.

Yes, and here you go.

You enter over there,
it's free seating.

- Thank you, miss.
- Have a good evening.

Good evening.

Excuse me, are you Camille Valentini?

Sorry for jumping you,
but I heard your name...

You're the new agent at ASK, right?

I'm Louise Galois, I'm an actress
and a student at the conservatory.

Yes. That's me.

- Good evening, Louise.
- Good evening.

Are you going to see the show?

Yes. But I have to get my ticket.

- So maybe I'll see you later.
- Yes, see you later, maybe.

It's huge!

I don't know anything about flowers,
but I thought about a large vase.

You did well, I love it!

No one thinks to offer me large vases.

Come!

Is this the first time
you've been to my house?

Yes. It's beautiful!

So? What are we going to talk about?

Well... Image?

Just like that?

Come sit next to me.

- You get down to business!
- Yes...

- Work, work!
- No, it's...

It's just... I have a thing at... 10pm.

So, since this was arranged
at the last minute, well, I...

No, don't worry. It's my fault.

I'm the one who makes
you work late into the night.

It's up to me to accommodate.

We're going to work
and you'll be gone by 10pm.

But first, you're going to taste
my risotto with mushrooms...

poison mushrooms.

Girolle mushrooms au jus,
baby turnips,

pearl corn
and a generous drizzle of Bergues.

Excuse me. A drizzle of...?

Bergues.
It's a cheese similar to Maroilles.

Okay.

Alright, why are we here, really?

How about I give you a minute?

Yeah.

I would like this little girl
to know her story, that's all.

- Yes, of course.
- Of course.

So we agree.
The story is I'm her father.

It's a very small part of the story.

Yeah, it's the beginning.
Without me, there's no story.

So I'd like to acknowledge her.
Officially.

What?
That's not at all what we decided.

Perhaps. But it's my right.

If you become
the official father of this baby,

then I will never really be her mother.

And full adoption will never be possible.

No, I looked into it.

You can still make an adoption.

Yes, but only with your consent.
And that will revocable.

And I won't have parental authority.
I'll be a half-rate mother.

Hicham, without Colette,

I would have never kept this child.
Never!

Do you understand?

So just because
you slept with me out of pride,

you want to chop her off the family tree?

You slept with me out of pride, too!

That's not the issue!

You can just have another one.

Get a donor.

Why don't you have one, Colette?

Because I can't have one.

Well?

Well... I don't know, it's...

Advertising isn't the movies,
the codes are different...

But you know how to look at a woman.

You know what you like or don't like?

Well, yeah.

So we agree:
this is not at all arousing.

Yes, I'd say a little...

No, really, who is this lady?

It's been so retouched.

I have no facial expression,
no skin texture!

I don't even have elbows, look!

Then again,
people rarely look you in the elbows.

I like how you look at me.

You do?

You gaze is good and sweet... I trust you.

Good! That's great!

And I like looking at you too.

Listen, I'm...
how do I put it, super flattered...

That's not the problem. But...

But?

But you're my client...
And it's just that...

It's just taboo.

That's true, it's taboo.

Very taboo...

Your mouth...

I want your mouth.

- Monica?
- Yes?

Excuse me, Monica…
Excuse me, I need...

Do you have a bathroom?

- Right now?
- Yes.

But I never go to the toilet,
we actresses are like that.

Second door on the right.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Nothing...

I'm going pee.

You didn't like the risotto?

I did, thank you.

Andréa…
It's Hicham's fault, damn it!

He's putting a shitload
of pressure on me, too!

There are worse things
than scoring with Monica Bellucci.

Yeah, well, actually...

You have to have a lot
of self-confidence!

And at the moment, it's not really...

a sexual Everest,
if you know what I mean.

I swear... it was horrible!

I saw her and I thought,

"But, but this woman, she needs a wolf!

She needs... a wild animal!"

And there I was, like a piece of sh*t,
a little hedgehog curled up in ball!

She's so beautiful and...

she's so sensual, and...
I swear, I ruined everything!

Damn it... I'm the one she needed!

- Sir!
- Yes?

Your taxi's here,

- can I have my phone back?
- Thanks.

Sorry, I have to grab my taxi.

Prepare the couch for me, okay? Bye.

- Thank you, ma'am.
- You're welcome.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

- Watch out, dog.
- There you go.

Goodbye, ma'am!

WE HAVE TO TALK. NOW.

I don't think she'll want to tonight.

What is Gabriel up to?
He's still not here.

Come in!

Have a seat.

What was that show
you put on for everyone yesterday?

It was extremely embarrassing.

We can't go on like this, Noémie.

I agree with you,

we can't keep working together, Mathias.

Actually, I'm leaving.

I was contacted by a headhunter.

He sought me out.

Yes. My profile is in high demand

and he made me an offer...

a very interesting offer.

- Really?
- Yes.

In Boulogne.

And I accepted. So I'm leaving.

I'm leaving the agency.

When?

Effective immediately. So yes, now.

Yes?

I couldn't be more surprised
because we gave everything back...

Hold on a sec, Corinne.

Are you okay, Noémie?

Yeah... I have to go.

What's going on?

Everything's fine. I'll call you.

Noémie?

Noémie? Talk to me!

Antoine, who put my things in my office?

Me.

Monica dropped them off this morning.

That was nice.

What are you doing, Gabriel?

Nothing.
Nothing that concerns you, anyway.

Oh yeah, I forgot. "The list is sacred."

Exactly!

Here, she left a note for you. Read it.

"Gabriel, do I still have an agent?"

Yes, of course I read it!

So my question is,
Gabriel, do you still have a list?

If you want to fire me,

then fire me right now, once and for all.

I'm tired of this.

Hervé, tell me...

Did Noémie talk to you about a job offer?

In Boulogne? A headhunter?

What? No, not at all.

Boulogne?

Yes, Catherine?

What meeting?

Oh yes, of course!

Okay, fine. At the corner of Rue Cambon?

Ma'am?

Ma'am, are you alright?

Noémie? Noémie!

Noémie? Call the paramedics!

Hurry up! An ambulance!

Call the police!
The paramedics... I don't know!

I'm on the corner of Rue Cambon,

a woman's been hit by a car.

- Don't move!
- It hurts!

Damn it...

How long until they arrive?

...can't move my head...

Good evening!

Sorry, excuse me...

I'm not used to this.
Usually, it's playback.

Good evening, everyone.
Thanks for being here.

The movie you're about to see,
I think it's...

I think it's everything I am,
which means not much and...

a lot of hair.

Above all, it's a movie about our species.

Not what we are, but what we leave behind.

The forest is kind of like our mother,

and the ocean, our dad... Yeah.

And we... Well, we sing,

we make love,
with the same intensity, I think,

as a beluga or a wild boar.

Thank you for being here, really.

Thank you for supporting me
in this completely insane dream.

And thank you, Sofia,
divine, iconic, charming Sofia!

Thank you for trusting me!

Wanna say a quick word?

No...

Well, enjoy the movie.

Just to finish, I know he's out there.

I want to give a big thank you,

a special thank you to my agent,
Gabriel Sarda.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

When we lost funding from France 2,
I thought everything would collapse.

But you, you fought,
you moved heaven and earth

to make this movie,

and we found the money
and the movie happened.

So, thank you Gabriel,
from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Enjoy the screening, everyone!

That clear morning when I saw you
Diving into the lake's purple waters

Wild and nearly naked

You awoke the beast in me

O! Miss Artemis!
Why this desire to flee

The benefits and orifices

Of our union Météor

It is I who dive, o my beautiful fawn

In your fey eyes

I promise you we will tremor

One day to exchange our fluids

But not today, it is too embarassing.

Do you see the owl
and the badger watching us?

Yes, but...
Nature is not only around us.

It is in us.

We too are creatures of the forest

Children of the wood

We give thanks to nature

It is down here

That we will make offspring

Oh, yes! Undress me!

Yes, like that!

Yeah, keep going! Keep going!

Oh, I feel free!

Oh, yes!

Free!

You smoke now?

No, I bummed a cigarette
off the guy at the counter.

But it's too strong.
It's making my head spin.

Give it here, please.

Yeah... It's really strong.

Sorry...

I left the theater

but it's not because
the movie wasn't good.

No, it's because I'm naked all the time.

Right.

It's horrible.

That's not quite the word...

I really don't understand.

I'm wearing clothes in so many scenes,
it's like they were all cut in editing.

That's not what he remembered about you...

Stop right now.

I can't stand that.

I didn't say anything.

Nothing happened with Julien.

I'm telling you for the last time.

You worked yourself up,

so stop giving me a guilt trip
every time we see each other.

Okay.

You should be thankful
I didn't tell him anything.

I'm sorry...

but thank you for not saying anything
to Julien.

It's not up to me to do it.

That was really weird, right?

You slept through half the movie,

no wonder you didn't understand
everything.

I was exhausted.

Seriously, I can't tell
if it was a flop or genius.

What are we going to say to him?

Well, just say, "It's very unique."

Or "It's very courageous,"
that always works.

Bravo!

Bravo!

- Everything okay?
- Yes.

This buffet is strange,
it's all vegetarian.

Looks like it, yeah...

Is there cucumber in it?

You're not drinking anything?
I'll get you something. I'll be back.

Bravo! Deeply moving.

Thanks. That's nice of you.

To me, your movie,
it's like a long music video.

Well, thanks. I'm going to...

I wish you the best.

Okay… Guys,

you're going to have to tell me honestly
what you thought of my movie.

And don't use the words
"unique", "courageous"...

ten people have told me the same thing,

I can't take anymore,
I'm going to lose it!

I'm not kidding, it's all platitudes.

You put your whole heart into your work,

and no one gives a damn enough
to say something real.

The bush-pubis allegory, for example.

You got that?

I don't know about you,
but I definitely did!

That's reassuring,
because I was starting to wonder.

- No!
- You shouldn't.

- Thank you, guys.
- Bravo, Julien!

The bush-pubis?

Excuse me.

Hello, Camille!

Hello!

Hello…

Yeah, I was a little shy last night,
but...

I'd really like you to represent me.

Well, thank you. But I'm...

And I even talked about you to Vincent,

you know, the one
who played King Basil yesterday?

He also wants to change agents,

so I told him
"You have to meet Camille Valentini,

the new agent at ASK."

No, really, what we need is...

someone really motivated,

not an old jaded agent
with 10,000 actors on his list.

You know what I mean!

Hi. Camille.

Hi! That's funny.
You're both named Camille?

I'll be back.

I was going to tell you.

I didn't do it on purpose,
it just came to me...

It just hit me...

It just hit you, like that,
to use my name?

You're the one who came to me
asking for help!

In 24 hours of prospecting,
I bring you two talents.

- Look on the bright side.
- The bright side of what?

We can both be Camille Valentini.
We can do everything together.

Divide the list, the work...
It will be easier, for both of us.

You're insane.

I'm sorry, I may have ruined your evening.

Are you kidding? It's me, I'm devastated.

Well... thanks for taking me home.

I'm going to...

Wait, let me help you.

Well...

Where should I put this?

There. On the table, Mathias. Thank you.

Your place is cute!

Thanks.

Would you like us to make you
something to drink, to eat?

I can make soup from nothing!

No, that's okay. Don't bother.

Catherine, shall we go?

We should let Noémie rest.

Are you sure?

Yes. Really. Everything's fine!

It's not like I'm paralyzed...

Wait, I'm sorry, but it has to be said.

Mathias told me everything
in the emergency room.

And... You know, Noémie,

we're guided by unconscious desire.

And they say that most accidents
are deliberate mistakes so...

let me ask you:

might there be a small part of you,
deep down, that regrets it?

You're not going to leave ASK
for a job in Boulogne!

No, but... actually...

as I told Mathias, it's a headhunter.

So I can't pull out.

Noémie is very competent,
it's not surprising she's in demand.

Who cares about headhunters?

I know it's none of my business, but...

perhaps this isn't the right time, Noémie?

Mathias?

He's not good
at saying this kind of thing…

but I know how much you mean to him.

Yes. That's true.

There!

Well, I'm going to think about it anyway.

Yes?

Monica? It's Gabriel.

I'm the lowest.

The worst coward.

A scumbag.

Garbage...

That's enough. Don't overdo it.

Let's face it, I'm really lower than sh*t.

Stop whipping yourself, it's annoying.

Now it's my turn.

- What, you?
- I also have something to say.

I'm also ashamed.

Didn't you see the spectacle I made?

I'm the one with the problem,
doing that to my agent!

Putting a longterm,
trusting relationship in danger. Why?

Because I can't be alone for a while?

That's not normal, darling!

It's understandable... It's human.

- I have difficultly being alone too.
- Yes.

It's hard for me...

How long has it been for you?

Three weeks.

Three weeks is nothing!

See!

It's ridiculous!
I'm so bad at being single.

I don't know how, I hate it,
I go round in circles, like a...

a fly around a lightbulb.

No, not a fly.

- Has it been a long time for you?
- Six months.

And before that,
I'd acquired quite a bit of experience.

I got pretty good at it, actually.

But I learned something,

something unbeatable
that makes being single enjoyable.

And what's that?

Friendship.

Pardon me, I didn't even offer you
a coffee or a tea.

I'd love a tea.

It's just... Sheila went to bed and...

when she's not here...

So?

The kettle:
I press the button to open the lid,

I add the water...

How far do you fill it?

There...

For two, about a half.

I put it on the stand, I start it up...

And the tea?
You don't put the tea inside?

No, I put the tea
in the teapot when it's hot.

Got it.

And now, you're going to give me
a microwave lesson

and a steam oven lesson.

And that's a little more complicated.

Sheila?

Sheila?

Insomnia?

Look at your belly.
It's ridiculous, it's too heavy.

No, it's not that either.

It's up here. It's a huge mess.

Eyes like this at 5 in the morning.
Brain overheating...

Oh yeah, I know how that is.

What are you doing?

I need some air.

Thanks.

It's Hicham, I can't take it anymore, Gab.

I can't take it anymore.

He's smothering me, he's crushing you.
That's enough.

I know. I can't take it either.

Oh, no! Me too!

How does he even do that?

What if we left?

Florence, can you make me a coffee?

What? Where?

We take all our talents.
We start our own agency.

That's impossible. I mean, it's too risky.

Of course it's risky.

But we wouldn't be the first!

That's part of every agency.

Can you imagine?

That would mean being our own bosses.

But that wouldn't fix anything
with Hicham.

Well, he knows
we can't work together anymore now.

And Arlette? And Mathias? We ditch them?

Arlette will understand.

And Mathias, he's fine.

He's the last one
to give lessons in solidarity.

What do we do...
Will the actors follow us?

Of course! There's no reason why not.

We need to feel things out.

No. We definitely shouldn't feel
things out.

We can't tell anyone,
otherwise Hicham will start suspecting.

- So what do we do?
- We take all the steps.

When we're ready, then we tell the actors.

And after that, Hicham.

Come on, let's do it.
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