01x02 - The Trial of R. Kelly

[bunniefuu]

I am not a prophet.

But sometimes I have prophetic dreams.

Like the one where I was at a garden party.

Excuse me.

Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make.

Jesus was black,
Ronald Reagan was the devil,

and the government
is lyin' about /.

Thank you for your time and good night.

No!

That can't be true!

: Here's something

black people have known

for a couple of hundred years:

n*gg*s are crazy.

Black people don't like to talk about crazy n*gg*s in public

Unhand me!

'cause white people may be listening.

Hi-ya!

But I'm afraid the secret might be out.

MAN:
He's on fire!

: Former singer Whitney Houston

appeared in court

Somebody get some water.

alongside husband Bobby Brown,

Ow!

who's facing battery charges

Mm-hm. You havin' that dream
where you made

for allegedly b*ating his once-respectable wife.

the white people riot,
weren't ya?

But I was tellin' the truth!

Hell to nah! Bobby don't hit me.

How many times have I told you,
you better not even dream

See, we have this TV show, a-and it's-- It's our TV show.

about tellin' white folk
the truth?

And I was tryin' to get more time on it.

You understand me?

It's my show, bitch!

sh**t.

Makin' white people riot.

You know,
I think they're on dr*gs.

You better learn
how to lie like me.

I'm gonna find me a white man
and lie to him right now.

Let's see what's on BET.

Oh, Lordy-Lord.
Oh, shake it to the right.

Mm. Shake it,
shake it, shake.

You boys cover your eyes.
Shake, shake, shake.

Got to leave something
to the imagination.

That's just showin'
too much booty. Turn it.

And on our "Talking Points" this evening,

it seems like the hip-hop community

is trading in their gold chains

for gold showers.

Hip-hop singer R. Kelly is on trial again this week

for sharing some of his liquid bling

with yet another underage girl.

Some advice for Mr. Kelly:

Next time, use a golden shower curtain

and keep your golden showers to yourself.

What's wrong with a man
giving away a golden shower?

Sounds like
a nice gift to me.

What? sh**t, I wish somebody
gave me a golden shower.

One, I like gold.
Two, I like showers.

Put it together, hey,
that sound like the life.

Hoo!

If you're good,

Sorry, Billy Blanks,
but why buy the tape

Santa Claus might give you
a golden shower for Christmas.

when you can get
the infomercial for free?

Whew!

Christmas?

My man Santa.

And controversial R & B superstar R. Kelly

will be heading into court tomorrow

What the hell?

for the first day of his latest highly anticipated trial

Boys!

for child p*rn

and lewd acts with a local minor.

Granddad, can you take us
into the city tomorrow

Would one of y'all like
to explain this?

Uh...

to watch the R. Kelly trial?

You mean, the orange juice
or the miniskirt?

Hell, no.

But you can walk.

Which one of y'all drank
the last glass of orange juice?

It's miles.

That's the last full day's
supply of vitamin C.

All the money I spent
on them damn Nikes?

Heh. You better
"just do it."

What am I supposed to do
about my vitamin C now?

Assistant District Attorney Thomas DuBois

Y'all need to start
appreciatin' your granddaddy.

is leading the prosecution of Kelly

I went and spent
your inheritance

and has a mountain of evidence

on this beautiful house
in this neighborhood.

against the famous R & B performer,

including a videotape allegedly showing Kelly

And all I ask you to do

is act like you got some class.

Hey, what's class?

urinating on a -year-old girl,

It means don't act
like n*gg*s.

which is widely available for download

S-see? That's what
I'm talkin' about right there.

at www.FreeToPee.com.
Ooh.

We don't use the N-word
in this house.

Granddad, you said the word
"n*gga" times yesterday.

I'm gonna go, uh...

I counted.

check my e-mail.

n*gga, hush.

Now, you may not like it,

Yeah.

but I moved y'all out here

to expand your horizon.

Get your little short ass
back here!

There's a new white man
out here.

He's refined.

For example, did you know

that the new white man
loves gourmet cheese?

TOM:
Hey, boys!

Wait.

I'm sorry,
did you say cheese?

Yep, cheese.

Hey there, Huey.
Riley.

You give the meanest white man
a piece of cheese,

I couldn't help
but notice your sign,

and I hope you boys
aren't too upset about me

and he turn into Mr. Rogers.

having to prosecute Mr. Kelly.

Granddad,
that doesn't make sense.

Don't you talk back to me.

Hey, man, you do
what you gotta do.

Granddad, you can't tame

Why R. Kelly, huh?
What did R. Kelly do to you?

the white supremacist
power structure with cheese!

Oh, yes, I can!
No, you can't!

He's accused
of relieving himself

GRANDDAD: Yes, I can!
No, you can not!

on an underage girl
on tape,

HUEY:
Cheese.

which is
against the law.

How can somebody that old

Okay, okay, okay.

say somethin' that stupid?

But let's examine
this whole peein' thing.

RILEY:
I know about white people too.

Like, when they talk,

So I can pee in a toilet,
and it's okay,

they say the whole word,

like this.

but if I pee on a person,
it's, like, not okay?

Well...yeah.

HUEY:
Why'd he even move us

out here?

Well, what if I'm peein',
and Huey's in the bathroom,

Probably did it
just to make us miserable.

and I accidentally pee
on Huey?

RILEY:
And white people take time out

to study.

Should I go to jail?

What the hell would I be
doin' in the bathroom

I hate this place.

while you're
in the bathroom?

RILEY: And white people arrest you.

Hold up, hold up.

Remember when we used
to sleep in the same bed

Man.

when we was littler?

From time to time,
I'd have a little accident.

RILEY:
Hey!

You still do.
Shut up.

So, Mr. DuBois,

Looks like the feds.

Mr. "I Wanna Lock n*gg*s Up
for Peein',"

what's the statute of
limitations on bed-wettin'?

Why not prosecute me and
R. Kelly at the same time, huh?

Now, Riley, no one's
going to prosecute you

Who the hell could be
knockin' on this door

this early in the mornin'?

for bed-wetting.

And you shouldn't.

If it's a Jehovah Witness,
I'm kickin' his ass.

It's a natural bodily function.

Yes?

I'm looking for Robert Freeman.

And now every n*gga in the world
gonna be scared to pee.

I'm Robert Freeman.

I may never pee again!

I'm Ed Wuncler.

Riley,
it was a little girl!

From Wuncler's
Savings and Loan.

Oh, I seen that girl.
She ain't little.

Uh, so?

I'm little.
Yes.

I own the bank
that owns your house.

Gary Coleman's little.
Yes.

Mini-Me is little.
Very.

Oh, well--

And to the best
of my knowledge,

Come in, sir.

Welcome to your house.

we all managed to avoid
gettin' peed on so far.

But what about the victim?

Oh, yes, the victim.

Robert, my family founded
Woodcrest over years ago.

At what point does
personal responsibility

become a factor
in this equation?

I don't think that--

I was born here,
and I still live here.

I see piss comin',
I move.

Mm.

She saw piss comin',
she stayed.

I consider this place
to be family,

Yes, she did,
but--

And why should I have
to miss out

on the next R. Kelly album
just for that?

and I'm very selective

about who I allow
in to that family.

Man, you just got b*at
by an -year-old.

You understand
what I'm saying, Robert?

And if R. Kelly goes to jail,
I'll piss on your cat!

Hey, yes,
I totally understand.

Would you like some...

cheese?

Did you just offer me cheese?

Yes, I did.

RUCKUS:
I tell you,

it sure is beautiful out here.

I'd love some cheese, thank you.

White folks sure know
how to make some nice foliage.

Hm.

Riley!

Ah, come on, Ruckus.

Go get the fancy cheese.

I'd like to ask some questions,
if you don't mind.

You can't give the white man
credit for the trees.

Where them two little
nappy-headed grandkids of yours?

Are you gay, and if so,
do you have a gay lover

living with you
in the house?

Ah, they went into the city

to watch the trial
of that singer.

Oh, right, right.

Gay? No, I'm not gay.

That black sumbitch
that supposed to have had

urinal relations with
that underage colored gal.

I mean, I happen to think
a man looks nice

with good hair and a ponytail.

Didn't Jerry Lee Lewis
marry a -year-old baby?

But, no, mm-mm, I'm not gay.

What's your position
on gay marriage?

You can't compare
a chocolate monkey like R. Kelly

Well, first of all,

to Jerry Lee Lewis!

I believe all marriage
is wrong.

Jerry Lee Lewis
is the king of rock 'n' roll!

Great balls of fire!

Good one, good.

Besides,
that situation was different.

Uh, you don't look
like you associate

That was family.

with any Muslims,
Arabs, you know.

MAN:
We're here

at the R. Kelly trial,

People of t*rror1st descent?

where there are
a handful of angry protesters

Uh, well...

making their voices heard.

These are scholars, activists,

RILEY:
We got Kraft,

and we got Velveeta.

pillars of
the African-American community,

and they are outraged.

And we're just going
to head over here

Your grandson?

to the R. Kelly supporters,

Afraid so. Ahem.

where it's quite
the festive event.

And you are?
Hey!

You know, I have a grandson too.
He's--

Now, why did you come out here
to support R. Kelly?

Is that right?

'Cause he good!

Well, heh-heh-heh,

And what about those protesters
over there

this has been delightful.

Well, it's really been
a pleasure, Mr., uh--

who say he's crossed the line?

Mm.

I-Own-Everything.

Man, f*ck them literate-ass,
uppity n*gg*s.

We should get together soon

and have, uh...
more cheese.

All they talk about
is readin' and eatin' right.

Like a nice Brie
or a G-Gouda--

Nobody wanna hear
all that sh*t.

G-Gayda-- Gouda.

If I wanna get
high blood pressure, then--

Heh. You know, you're
my kind of guy, Freeman.

n*gga, get the carrot
away from me!

Old school.

If I wanna get
high blood pressure,

then damn it,
that's my business!

What are you doin' tomorrow?

We're throwin' a garden party

Let's talk to another
R. Kelly supporter.

for my grandson.

Uh, you there,
urban youth.

He just got back from Iraq.

Why do you think
R. Kelly is innocent?

You should stop by,
meet some of the neighbors.

If I started peein'
on you right now,

Bring the kids.

would you, A,
smile and ask for more,

Sounds like a splendid idea.

or B, move the hell
out the way?

I'll see you tomorrow.

But before you answer that,
let me ask America:

Uh, thanks for stoppin' by.

Cheers.

Has pee ever
really hurt anybody?

And I wanna give a big shout-out
to my homey,

Huey!

GRANDDAD:
This damn thing looks real.

D-Bone, whassup?!

Can I have my g*n back?

Okay, that's enough.

Oof.

Get off me!

Son of a--!

Get off me, Huey!

GRANDDAD:
A garden party?

Free R. Kelly!

Yeah, boy.

Hey, yo, yo, yo! Look!
Free R. Kelly!

I might buy sandals
and new underwear.

Those R. Kelly haters
are oppressin' that little boy!

Oh, you sh*t me!

RILEY:
Free R. Kelly!

Granddad tried
to assassinate me.

Free-- Argh!

Boy, what did I tell ya?
This is the new white man.

MAN:
Get out of here, y'all.

He's distinguished.

MAN :
We know what we talkin' about.

Granddad, I do not sip tea
with the enemy.

MAN : Get 'em!
WOMAN: You want a piece of me?

You could force me to go,

Aaaahhh!

but you cannot force me
to be someone I'm not.

The hell I can't!

You gonna go and you're
not gonna embarrass me

I knew it would be
just a matter of time

in front of my new neighbors,
or I'm gonna b*at your ass.

before v*olence broke out.

Why can't we be ourselves, huh?
Why can't I be me?

It's pandemonium here
at the R. Kelly trial.

Are you ashamed of us?
Very.

Oh, the humanity!

We never asked
to move here

with your precious
new white people, Granddad.

Didn't ask?

Well, you didn't ask for us

to be att*cked
by dogs and fire hoses,

so you can live here,
but we did it anyway.

Oh, here he go again with
the dogs and the fire hoses.

sh**t, we were att*cked
by dogs and fire hoses.

Were you att*cked?

Mr. Kelly!
Mr. Kelly!

Do you have
a statement?

I-I don't know what difference
that makes.

This is truly
an example

Because it's like
the whole generation

of black people
stickin' together.

In the words of Sister Souljah,

tries to take credit for
what happened to some people.

"An injustice anywhere
is an injustice...

That's ridiculous.

anywhere."

Now, see--
Well, you know--

Amen.

Uh, what had happened was...

MAN:
Get out of here.

Go, go, go!

MAN:
Come on, get out of here.

What did O.J. Simpson say
to Kobe after his case was over?

Aw, man.

What's that?

I missed it.
Was it bad?

Don't let this whole trial thing

Did they do the thing
with the fire hoses?

turn you off to white women.

What do you think, chump?

That's funny on so many levels.

Damn, what's eatin' you?

A g*dd*mn German shepherd,
that's what.

Lord, I just wish they would
let me on that jury, boy.

Where was you?

I-I had to go back
to the apartment

'cause I forgot
my raincoat.

Thank God for the white man's
court of law.

You went to--? You--?

This n*gga went to get
a motherfuckin' raincoat.

It's the only way to keep these
crazy n*gg*s under control.

I can't believe you.

We all been watchin'
the same news.

Well, that
and pepper spray.

The police been doin'
this fire hose thing all week.

You know,
I sat on a jury one time.

I just assumed
we'd all wear our raincoat.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Damn it, Robert.

Who the hell comes
to a march with a raincoat?

It was in ,
back in Tennessee.

Bet you wish
you had a coat now.

You son of a bitch!

Now, the defendant was accused

GRANDDAD:
Remember what Dr. King said!

of sh**t' three little white women

with a Winchester r*fle from about yards away.

Who actually got hit with
the fire hose ain't important.

Now, we goin' to this party,

and your black asses
are gonna behave.

See, now, he thought he was gonna get off

with that old "I'm blind" excuse,

If I'm lucky, I'll find myself
a nice white woman

but, oh, boy, he had another thing comin'.

with a flat booty
who'll listen to my problems.

JUDGE:
The jury will now go off

and deliberate on--

Guilty!

That n*gga is guilty!

Sir, settle down.
You have to go deliberate.

I don't need to deliberate.
Hang that n*gga now!

GRANDDAD:
Now, the word for the day

is "behave."

H-E-A-V-E.

I got the rope right here!

Behave.

I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Excuse me. Out of the way,
Kunta Kinte! Yes, sir.

King me.

How can I help ya?

GRANDDAD:
Excuse me?

TOM:
Lady Liberty is on our side.

Justice will prevail.

Oh, Lord have mercy.
Security. Security.

The judge and jury
will do the right thing.

We got a Code Black.

I'm telling you, Huey,
it's an open-and-shut case.

Code Black at the main gate.

: ■ Ruckus, what the hell

Mr. DuBois,
are you fully aware

is a Code Black?

the extent to which
n*gg*s love R. Kelly?

There are some hungry-lookin'

n*gg*s at the front gate.

Oh, Huey,
it's under control.

What y'all doin' here?

Deliveries are in the back.

Watch me work.

Well, my name is Robert Freeman,

I was invited here
by Ed Wuncler.

Well, I'm Ruckus.
Uncle Ruckus, no relation.

And I work for Mr. Wuncler.

And you slick n*gg*s

And so, ladies and gentlemen,

ain't gonna fast-talk your way
into this here party.

not only will we prove
it is Mr. Kelly in the video,

Ruckus, what the hell
are you doing?

we will prove
that the victim was

Uh, Mr. Freeman,

I'm sorry.
Please, come this way.

at the time
the video was sh*t.

Thank you, Mr. DuBois.

GRANDDAD:
See, boys?

And you thought we'd be
the only black people.

And now we'll have
the opening statement

for the defense.

ATTORNEY:
The ancient Greeks,

the architects
of Western civilization,

would regularly indulge
in sexual activities

with children.

Were they...perverts?

In Puritan America,

the forefathers
of this great land

would take wives
who were or years old,

much younger
than the alleged victim.

Were they...sickos?

In Tokyo, you can buy
teenage girls' panties

in vending machines.

Do we call them...

"disgusting"?

Of course not!

What do all those things
have to do with Robert Kelly?

Nothing.

Let's get to the point.

Now, some people see
this so-called "mountain"

WUNCLER:
Robert!

of evidence,

these "videotapes,"
"photographs,"

Glad you made it, Robert.
This is my grandson, Ed III.

"eyewitnesses" and "DNA,"

How are you?

Whassup y'all, what's good?

and see a guilty man.

Uh...so I understand
you just got back from Iraq.

But some of us can see
that "mountain"

For real?

Yo, what's it like?

What's it like?

of so-called "evidence"

What I supposed
to say to that?

for what it really is:

It was cool, there was b*tches?

racism.

Okay, there was b*tches,
but a lot of them had,

MAN:
Oh, he said it right there.

you know, they was covered up

in them curtains and stuff
they be wearin'.

But I digress.

It was w*r!

Which one was the one
that got caught

with that homely,
little white gal?

It was w*r, basically.

Kobe.

w*r, you know what that's like?

Right.

m*therf*ckers be,
like, sh**t':

Now, I know exactly
what happened to Kobe.

Kobe caught
that white fever.

Bombs blowin' up.

White fever will get
in your blood, man.

And, you know,
the sh*t scared me.

It'll make you crazy.

It scared the sh*t out of me.

Matter of fact, I sh*t on myself
over a dozen times

And you know they got them
short, little skirts nowadays

and that, uh-- What--?
What they call them?

and ran out of toilet paper
after the second time.

The--? The--? The tongs?

So you know
what that meant, right?

Thongs.

Yeah, right.

They got the thongs
all up the booty cr*ck,

I had to use the thumb, man.
It was kind of nasty.

and they got
that sweet white nectar.

But, you know,
the good thing about it

Oh, Lord, have mercy.

was they stopped taking me
out on patrol.

And after that, it's over.

'Cause my name
became "Stink b*mb."

You wake up, and you don't
even know what you darn done.

You know what I'm sayin'?

They said, you know,
I was giving away our position

Just a pool of sweat
around your ankles

because of the sh*t smell.

That was fine with me,
you know what I'm sayin'.

and a deep sense
of satisfaction.

They-- They wanted
to leave me back.

Gimme a minute, Robert.

And I was like:
"Well, f*ck y'all.

You look like you need
to take five.

"Y'all go ahead on 'cause
I don't need y'all anyway.

I'm rich, bitch."

Mm-hm. Yeah, sure.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

I present to you
the R. Kelly tape.

The f*ck y'all looking at?

Hey, li'l man.

I warn you, it is graphic.

Like g*ns?

Yeah!

RILEY:
Yeah!

C'mon.

Come on, let's get that drink.

MAN: Oh. Oh, my...
WOMAN: Oh, my...

MAN:
Well, you should definitely see

The Passion.

It's a very important movie.

MAN : No, he didn't.

Couldn't see it.
White Jesus.

Excuse me?

Objection! We can't even
see his face clearly.

Come on, man.

It's supposed to be
all historically accurate,

MAN :
Man, he got freckles

and everything.

and they still have
a white man

That proves nothing!

playin' Jesus?

That's some old bullshit.

Young man,
you speak so well.

Hello? Yes, this
is Robert Kelly.

Yes, the singer.

You want
my Social Security number?

Sure,
it's --.

RUCKUS:
Well,

la-di-da-di-do.

Look like we got us
the winner

Okay. God bless.

of the Lucky-n*gga-of-the-Year
award.

Well, um...

Ah.

Now, young lady,

They must think
the sun shine out your ass.

I know this might be hard
to talk about.

No, it's cool.

Mr. Wuncler's
been very nice, yes.

How old were you when
you were seeing Mr. Kelly?

They must think you
Sidney f*cking Poitier.

Mm, and a quarter.

Well,

Wow. That's a great age,
isn't it?

I been workin'
for Mr. Wuncler for years.

Still learning so much
about the world.

I ain't never got invited
to the party.

sh**t, he don't even let me
use the front door.

Whatever.
I guess.

Could you describe
the events leading up

But you wouldn't know
about that,

now, would ya, Mr. Tibbs?

to the sh**ting
of the video?

Yeah. He asked
if he could pee on me,

and I said, "Fo' sho'."

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's R. Kelly,
the Pied Piper of R & B.

They must think
your sh*t smell

like spring daisies
and cinnamon.

I been peed on by guys that
don't even have record deals.

sh*t, if I didn't want
to get peed on,

Check this out.

I'd just move out the way.

Wow.

RILEY: Ha! I told you!

Are those real?

Order!

Would you describe yourself

Real?

as an African-American woman?

Put it this way:

if I pick one up
and put it to your face,

n*gga, you blind?

pull the trigger,
will you be dead?

No, I'm not.

So it's safe to say
that R. Kelly is...

sexually attracted
to black women, right?

HUEY:
And all I'm saying is,

Mm-hm.

Ronald Reagan was the devil.

Objection, relevance!

You are such
an articulate young man.

Your Honor, I'm trying
to establish to the court

that my client
is a proud black man

I'm tryin' to explain to you

that Ronald Reagan was
the devil.

who loves his black sistas,

Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Each of his names
has six letters.

unlike District Attorney DuBois,

Six-six-six.

who's married...

Man, doesn't
that offend you?

to a white woman!

I love this kid.

Stop that.
What are you doin'?

Stop clappin'.

Damn.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Having a good time, Robert?

I-It's, uh...

Come on,
have a drink with me.

Now, I've listened
to your black ass

You look nervous.

talk all day about how much
you can't stand black folks.

Do I make you nervous,
Free-man?

Ain't two of 'em
in the history of the world

that's worth
a squirrel fart.

Nervous? No.

Well, how much
you love white folks?

I was just, uh, keepin' an eye
out for the boys.

Best thing the good Lord
ever did for the planet Earth.

This is a lovely party.

Ruckus, you black
as the ace of spades, man.

The only joy
I get from these parties

I don't see the need for you
to go and insult a man

is standing around,
telling mean-spirited jokes

after a game of Checkers.

We been reminiscin' all day,
lookin' in each other's eyes,

at other people's expense.

I do that too.

actin' like we like each other.

Check out that guy.

Now, you gotta go ahead
and remind me of my ailment.

Why is his face
all twisted up like that?

Ailment?
That's right.

You heard of vitiligo?

Looks like he jacks off
with Icy Hot.

sh**t!
Well, I got re-vitiligo.

Every year my skin just seem
to get blacker and darker

He looks like
he just sh*t a gerbil.

and blacker
and then more darker. Huh.

It's the opposite
of what Michael Jackson got.

A gerbil.

Lucky bastard.

Sorry, I'll be right back.

Ruckus, how could you possibly
love white people so much?

HUEY:
Tell me this,

It's easy. Have you
ever looked at 'em?

why was all the video recordin'

White man is just a joy
to be around.

of the Pentagon att*ck
seized by the FBI

They smell like lemon juice
and Pledge furniture cleaner.

and never seen again?

He speaks so well.

He's adorable.

And look at 'em.
They gave us discipline, jobs,

Are you even listenin'

to what I'm sayin'?

put structure in our life,
took us out the jungle.

n*gga, if you ruin
this party for me,

I'll put my--
Ruin the party? They love me.

And what we do
to show our appreciation?

These people aren't worried
about us.

We march up and down the street.

They're not worried
about anything. They're rich.

We vote. Carry on.

No matter what happens,

Ingrates.

these people will
just keep applaudin'.

Well, how about this?

Game.

: Ahem. Attention please.

My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation.

n*gga.

ATTORNEY:
I'm going to show you

I want to sing y'all a brand
new song I just wrote called:

something they don't
want you to see.

Something that will
blow this case wide open.

"Don't Trust Them New n*gg*s
Over There."

Sing along
if you know the words.

This is R. Kelly's NAACP Image
Award Certificate of Nomination.

Hey, man,

Over there

you got his card?

He's good.

In the air

Did you wash
your hands?

You think they nominate
just anyone

Nappy-head n*gg*s

for this award?
MAN: I got one!

You know why he wants
to put R. Kelly in jail?

MAN: Why?
Because he's

afraid of R. Kelly.

Over there

MAN: Oh.
Objection!

Shhh! Would you be quiet?

Are you sure that vest'll stop
this shotgun?

MAN: Shush.
I think he's afraid.

I think the whole system
is afraid of R. Kelly.

Man, I'm like the Terminator
in this vest.

Your Honor, please!

If you don't shut up--

They're afraid because
they see the power for good

RUCKUS:

that this man wields
through his music.

What? You don't believe me?

Yes, they do.
MAN: Mm-hm.

Go ahead!

They don't want
R. Kelly to be free

Pull the trigger.

because they don't want you
to be free!

Now, are you sure that--?

They don't want me to be free!

I said pull that trigger now!

You wanna play rough?

Maybe R. Kelly did urinate
on this woman.

Okay.

Over yonder

But America urinated
on R. Kelly!

It'll make you wonder

MAN:
Oh!

n*gga-figures

MAN: Tell 'em!
MAN : He got framed!

And if you let them
put this man in jail,

America will urinate
on each and every one of you!

Assalamu'alaikum.

ALL: Wa alaikum assalam.

I think the N-word is okay,
as long as they say it.

MAN :
Brother.

Please, people.
You saw the tape.

See?

The girl testified
she was underage.

You-- You're not allowed
to do that to a little girl!

Say hello to my little friend.

We have a videotape!

Go tell that
to your white bitch.

Mmm-hmm.

But the girl was...

f*ck y'all lookin' at?

Prosecution rests.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

all that needs to be said
is this:

MAN:
Aw, yeah!

Hey, you think we in trouble?

You sh*t his grandson
out the window.

We're meant to be together

What you think?

I don't know.

I didn't want to move here,

Let it go

but I don't really want Granddad
to lose his house.

He worked his whole life
to get here.

MAN: Hey!

Man, I like that house.

Oh, well,
I sh*t a n*gga!

What the hell is wrong
with you people?

Every famous n*gga that gets
arrested is not Nelson Mandela!

Mr. Wuncler,

Yes, the government conspires

I'm...sorry about
the whole, you know,

to put a lot
of innocent black men in jail

on fallacious charges,

my grandson sh**ting
your grandson

but R. Kelly
is not one of those men!

out of the window thing.

We all know the n*gga can sing,
but what happened to standards?

Are you mad?

In years,

What happened to bare minimums?

that boy will be the president
of the United States.

You a fan of R. Kelly?

You wanna help R. Kelly?

And he'll still
be a f*cking idiot.

Then get some counseling
for R. Kelly!

Introduce him
to some older women.

Whew.

Now, are we gonna have
that drink or what?

Hide his camcorder.

But don't pretend
like the man is a hero!

Glad you were able
to make it, Robert.

To the old school.

And stop the damn dancin'!

To the old school.

Act like you got
some g*dd*mn sense, people!

Damn!

Through playin' around here!

RILEY:
Boooooo!

Hey, you with the Afro!

Give it a rest! b*at it!

Put the music back on!

HUEY: I did battle

with ignorance today,

and ignorance won.

I admit that I'm often...

vexed at the behavior of my own people.

Yeah, "vexed" is a good word.

I told you about messin'
with them white women.

HUEY: You do what you can

to help black folks,

and they make you wonder why you even bother.

But they're our people,

and we gotta love 'em regardless.

WOMAN:
Break it down!

HUEY: One thing for sure, though.

Can't blame this one on the white man.

What am I saying?

Of course I can.