04x16 - Trio

[bunniefuu]

- Which planet is this again?
- M5V-801.

The one with the frequent tremors.

Not to mention an abnormally high
amount of people with

- debilitating respiratory problems.
- It's a mining planet.

- It's not that surprising.
- Not everyone worked in the mines.

- Get to the point.
- They're experiencing

upwards of four tremors a day.

My seismic team has concluded
the area of their settlement

- is dangerously unstable.
- Not to mention my environmental

and air quality tests
came back way into the red.

My analysis was enough. Thank you.

Well, obviously,
it wasn't enough for them.

These people have said
they've experienced tremors

- for as long as they can remember.
- They've been breathing even longer,

so again, my problem trumps yours.

This not a contest.

They're living in a settlement
that's not safe for habitation.

You need to convince them to move
to another part of the continent.

Well, we tried. It's not working.

Why not?

20 years ago, the Genii
kind of took over the planet,

employed them all as miners.

- Mining what?
- Haven't a clue.

Whatever it was,
they cleaned out the deposits and left.

So?

So, they think we're like the Genii,
and they want their cut.

They're willing to move,
but they have a list of demands

a mile and a half long.

And negotiating with alien settlements

is not exactly why
I joined the Air Force.

We were hoping if you had some time...

You'd save us a lot of time
in the back and forth.

I'll free up my afternoon.

Appreciate that, Colonel.

Jennifer, Rodney.

I'll meet you
at the Gate in one hour.

I was rather hoping
you'd go by yourself,

- and I wouldn't...
- One hour.

Man...

I got to start doing more cardio.

All this...

back and forth is getting me winded.

- We couldn't have taken the Jumper?
- Oh, suck it up. It's not that bad.

I have to hike this much
almost every day.

- You do?
- Yeah, I'm a very active person.

You are?

Your last physical
would kind of contradict you.

That is private medical information

that should not be so cavalierly shared

in casual conversation, Doctor.

I don't think it comes
as a great surprise

- to the Colonel.
- That's not the point! I'm no Ronon.

I'm not going to be on the cover of
Shape Magazine anytime soon,

but I can handle myself in combat...
stay on my ground when I need to...

- Rodney!
- Don't move.

Get down on your stomach,
spread out your weight.

Rodney?

Are you all right?

- Oh, thank God.
- Don't move, okay?

Not a problem.

We're going to head back to the Gate,
try to get some help.

Just try to stay as still...

Don't move...

if you feel any sh**ting pains.

I would never move
if that was the case.

Well, it doesn't look like
any of us are bleeding.

At least externally.

That's a Godsend.

This whole place is a tetanus sh*t
waiting to happen.

In fact, where the hell are we?

I'd guess the Genii mining facility.

Just don't build 'em
like they used to, huh?

I am particularly not fond
of the ceiling work.

If this is part of a larger facility...

Then there should be a way
for us walk out of here. Right.

A little help here?

- What about this one?
- Well, red means bad.

Can't argue with that logic.

Did you see this?

That's not going to budge
unless we enter the right code.

Look, these symbols
are Genii numerals.

Yeah, but...
You can cr*ck the code, though, right?

- Would be a lot easier...
- ... if it was electronic.

- Like he say's.
- Like she say's.

- It's not impossible, though, right?
- No, no...

It's just...
highly, highly unlikely.

Okay, so...
door number two?

After you, Monty.

On three.

One... two... three.

There goes that plan.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay, three?
One, two, three... go!

Wait.

What if...

What if that door
was sealed for a reason.

What?

You think maybe there's
a scary monster back there?

No, but this is a mining facility,

and who knows what kind
of toxins are in there.

Like you said, "red means bad."

I'm willing to take the chance.

I guess in Genii red means "screwed."

Okay.

Okay, look, it's...

We've been in the field
for, what, half an hour?

We've got another five
before we need to check in,

So the safest thing for us to do
is just...

sit tight and wait.

When we don't check in,
they'll send a team.

Our radios should work down here?

Yeah, they should.

Okay, so, we...

... we sit and wait.

Okay.

Anyone...

bring any cards?

No.

Tremor!

That sounded very, very bad.

What do you suppose the probability is

that this room is on
the same kind of metal stilts

as those other rooms we saw over there?

Very high.

But this one's more stable, right?

I mean, we're still standing.

Yeah, but,
with the three of us and this dirt,

we've just added, what, 300, 400 pounds?

I'd say like 500.

Right.

And this region experiences
how many tremors a day?

Four times a day, at least.

What is it? What's wrong?

The supports that are stopping this room
from dropping into the chasm

are gonna rapidly destabilize now
that we've added all this extra weight.

Don't think we'll be able to wait for
Atlantis to figure out we're missing.

You're right.

We're going to have
to find a way out of here.

Well...

There are a lot of...

A lot of crates in here.

Yeah, rickety, old ones.

I k*lled, like, three
of them on the way down.

But maybe we could
make, like, a pyramid,

stack them up, climb out.

- I don't think there's enough to...
- There are, actually.

Just barely enough to get us high enough
but we should be able to make it work.

You think it'll support our weight?

There's only one way to find out.

All right, look.

If we're actually going to do this,

I figure we need to stack these things,
like...

20 feet high in order to climb out,

so no matter how we build it,

it's going to be unstable.

Well, only one person has to climb it.

Oh, no, I'm kind of awful

with heights, so.

So, Sam goes.

What, you're not even gonna
consider yourself?

It's heights,
I'm probably worse than she is.

- Let's get started.
- All right, fine.

Maybe...

Maybe you should come down from there.
It sounds like it's...

Sam!

Easy, easy!

You okay?

Is she all right?

That was fun.

The bottom level won't hold. The crates
aren't strong enough to stack.

Yeah, I got that, thanks.

So?

We need another plan.

And quick.

Hey, I got some files here.

Can anyone... Read Genii?

Hello, hello!

- What have you got?
- Grappling hook.

At least, something we can use
as a grappling hook.

Great.

Now all we need is some rope.

Okay, just a sec... The ceiling is,

- like, what, 20 feet?
- 25?

All right, 25, so our jackets,
end-to-end are five or six feet,

tie those to our shirts...
Maybe even our pants together.

That should be able to get us up there
and support our weight.

Great.

Found rope!

Rope and lanterns.

- Oh, good.
- More than enough for what we need.

Nice work.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm going to tie the rope on
and toss it up there so you climb up.

I can't do it.

- Quitter talk.
- No, I can't climb this.

This rope, it's too thin.
We need to tie knots in it.

- I need something to grip onto.
- Right. That's a lot of knots.

Well, we only need about 30 feet or so.

Okay, well,
you gals get started on the knotting,

and I'll read those files.

What? Look, they could contain
the code to the door there.

Besides, three people can't knot
the same rope.

Unless either of you speak Genii?

Fine, we'll get started.

Well, want to play 20 questions?

I'll let you go first.

Animal, vegetable or mineral?

I'm good, thanks.

Well, here's a better one we can play.

Brad Pitt or George Clooney?

If you had to choose?

Clooney, I guess.

Pitt all the way.
Okay, you go.

Come on, it's easy.
Any two guys I would know.

Okay, okay.

Brian Greene or Neil Degrasse Tyson.

They're physicists.

They're on tv.
I picked ones you should know.

Brian Greene, I guess.

Tyson, all the way.

Are you talking about
Neil Degrasse Tyson?

He once stole an idea from me.
Did I tell you that story?

Only about a dozen times, McKay.

We're playing "who would you rather"?

Want to join us?

"Would you... "
sorry, I don't get it.

Well, if...

you had to choose who
to fool around with, would it be...

Robert Redford or Paul Newman?

Uh, neither?

Yeah, I know, but if you had to.

If I had to?
So I'm...

to choose which of those guys
I would want to force

- themselves on me because...
- It's just a dumb game, McKay.

You're not secure enough in
your masculinity to play a dumb game?

Yes, well, I think I am, I just...

I should get back to my reading.
You know,

the one thing
that could get us out of here.

- Newman.
- Absolutely. Not even a question.

- Shut up a sec.
- No, we're allowed to talk.

No, no, no.
I hear something...

There's someone up there.
Help!

We're stuck down here!
Hello?

What if the ceiling caves in on them?

We came thru' that section.
Eaten by rust.

- Rest of the ceiling looks fine.
- He's right.

As long as they don't fall in the hole,
they should be able to get help. Hello!

Help!
We're stuck down here!

Can you hear us?

Hello?

Oh, thank God.

- Who are you?
- We're visitors.

We were on our way to speak
to the people of your settlement.

You shouldn't be down there.

Yeah, we know, we fell down
here by accident.

You all okay?

We're fine. We're
just stuck. We need some help.

You shouldn't be down there.

Yeah, thanks, kid. Like I said...

Go tell your parents.

Tell them where we are,
that we're stuck and we need help.

I don't think we can do that.

What? Why not?

We're not really supposed
to play out here.

If our parents find out...

It's okay, I promise
you won't get into trouble.

You don't know my father.

He'll be very upset.

I'll explain the situation to him.

It'll be okay.

Please?

We're hurt.

We need help.

Wait a minute,
he said you were all okay.

I asked him.

All right,
listen to me, you little brats!

I am older than you and I am in charge.

- Rodney...
- You will go back to your parents,

you will tell them we need help,
or so help me...

Do you need something?

Anything. We can get it for you.

If you help us,
we'll get you whatever you want.

- Oh, yes, good, great idea, yes.
- Thanks.

Maybe you should show them your...

- Excuse me?
- I was once a 10-year-old boy, too.

- I know what gets their attention.
- McKay...

What? Do want to get out
of here or not?

I think we can reason with them
without resorting to that, thank you.

If you say so.

We gotta go now. Bye!

No!

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Good luck.

- Would it have k*lled you to show...
- Drop it! McKay.

It's not going to happen.

Four hours and 50 minutes.

I'm warning you...
I mean, I could go crazy down here.

Ever since the whole Jumper
thing a couple of years ago,

I've been very bad with tight spaces.

Please. That's nothing. I was stuck

in a transporter with Zelenka
for 3 hours. Now, that's hard.

What are you saying,
you don't like Zelenka?

No, I just...

It was more claustrophobic than this.

Yeah, but that's not what you said.
You emphasized "Zelenka."

You said, "being stuck
with Zelenka for 3 hours,"

like that was the hard part.

It did kind of sound that way.

Look...

You can say you don't like him.
It's fine. I don't like him.

Well, he's certainly a unique guy.

He's always telling me
how nice my hair smells.

It's a little weird.

He's a very good person.

Well, sure, sure, he's the best.
You just don't like him.

- I did not say that.
- You didn't have to.

- I know which one's your favorite now.
- It's not a contest.

Everything is a contest.

- Don't you have some reading to do?
- There's nothing in there.

Certainly nothing about the door code.

So?

So?

Back to knotting.

Steve Carell

or Stephen Colbert?

Colbert, I think.

Carell, but I would pick
John Stewart over both of them.

If I was forced to.

Are you and Katie still...

Well, it's kind of messed up now.

Why?
What happened?

Well, I was going to propose.

You were?

Yeah, I bought her
a ring and everything.

You know, was going to ask her,
and then the quarantine error happened.

What does that have
to do with anything?

Well, I don't particularly want
to go into the details but,

you know, I just... I told her
that I needed some time for me.

It had nothing
to do with her. I just...

needed to figure some stuff out,
and now she doesn't want to speak to me.

She's filed for
a transfer back to Earth.

You broke up with her.
That's a break-up.

- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.

No, I said I needed some time for me.

Yeah, code for "I'm not that
into you anymore."

- But I meant it!
- It doesn't matter.

You can't "almost" propose to someone
and then take it back.

That's a relationship k*ller.

Oh, I suppose it was for the best.
I mean...

she deserves to be with someone
who would've known that.

What she deserves is to
be with a nice guy like you.

- What?
- We're finished.

Oh! Finally.

Right.

- You guys hear that?
- It's the kids!

- They've come back for us.
- I knew they were good kids. I knew it.

Down here!

I knew you'd come back!

Guys?

See? I told you they were down there.

Are your parents up there?
Did you bring help?

No. Our friends didn't believe us.

We bet them a week's supply of taffle
that we were telling the truth.

See? I told you not to.

Where are the adults?

We can't tell them.
We'll get in trouble.

Trouble? Now, you wait till

I get out of here, you little brats!
I'll show you what trouble is!

Tremor!

We're moving!

Tilting over!

It stopped.

The superstructure under this room
must have buckled.

One more tremor,

this whole chamber's
going to fall into the chasm.

- Do you want me to do that?
- No. I can do it.

Well, it's just...

Have you ever done
anything like this before?

What, you have?

Yes, actually,
I have a bunch of times.

Yeah? Well, I mean, so have I.

You know, missions and such.

- Okay.
- You should probably...

Oh, right.

All right.

Sorry. Sorry.

You just about took my head off.

Yeah, but I didn't mean to.
It slipped.

Let me do it.

I can do it.

- Apparently, you can't.
- I can do it,

just don't stand in front of me.

Or behind me.

Okay.

See? Almost there.

- All right.
- You'll get it.

You can do this.

This is the one.

I can feel it, this is the one.

- What are you doing?
- Stay there!

Anything hurt?

No, just my pride.

That'll heal.

You did it.

Great.

All right, here goes nothing.

Nuts.

There's no way the hook
can grab onto that soil.

All those knots...

Well, we had to try.

Any other ideas?

See those beams up there?

We use the rope to get up there.
That buys us at least 10 feet.

Then we build a bridge,
a bridge using... Using these.

Stack a couple of crates, we're golden.
We got that high before.

Yeah, but I don't think these are
long enough to span the distance

- between those two beams.
- So we find a hammer and nails.

Sure, why not just add a jetpack
and a trampoline to that list.

It is possible to find
a hammer and nails.

We've been over the room
pretty thoroughly.

But there's got to be
a hammer and nails.

- Well, even if we found them...
- Look, we just have to build a bridge.

Wait a second, wait a second.

That bar bet.

Sorry?

That dumb trick you do
to get free beer.

We don't know
what you're talking about.

Bet goes like this...

Using these three knives,

and without moving these three cups,

you need to build a bridge
that can support another cup's weight.

- We don't have another cup.
- Whatever. We'll use these.

Now...

See?

Just like our boards...

just a little too short
to span the space

between the two beams there.

You know what? We're geniuses, we could
probably figure it out, but, a little

- under the g*n, so.
- Okay.

You owe me a beer, by the way.

Hey, this works,

I'll buy you a keg.

I knew this wasn't such a good idea.

Listen,

I have a reputation
for being pessimistic,

but I think you should come down
before it all collapses.

Sam.

Sam, just head back.

I'm almost there.

Oh, no!

Sam!

Don't move. Don't move!

Let me see.

Your leg is broken.

We're in trouble now, aren't we?

No, we'll be fine. We just...

We'll be fine.

Can you help me?

One hand here, on her knee.

One hand down here, on her ankle.

Keep it nice and straight.

You're not going to like this,
but I got to take your boot off.

I thought you might.

Here it comes.

Tell me when you can feel
my finger on the bottom of your foot.

Okay.

Yep.

Yeah.

- Here?
- Yeah.

We need to find another one of these,
make a splint.

Okay.

Look.

How bad is she?

Well...

It's not so bad.

She still has feeling in her foot,

so there doesn't seem
to be any nerve damage, but...

the break's pretty severe,

which means there may very well
be internal bleeding.

Yeah, but that's...
I mean, that's... bad, isn't it?

Well, it's not really good, no.

- I'd need to get her under a scanner.
- Okay, worst-case scenario,

she's bleeding internally.
How long has she got before she...

Before it becomes very serious?

An hour.

- Oh, boy.
- Come on.

So, what?

Hour before internal bleeding
becomes a problem?

- How did you...
- It's not my first rodeo, Rodney.

- Here's some Ibuprofen.
- Ibuprofen?

- That's the strongest thing you've got?
- It's all I found in this basic kit.

Although, from this point on,
I think I'm making morphine mandatory.

As well as maybe a grappling g*n.

I wouldn't take the morphine.

Gotta keep a clear head.

We still have to figure out
a way out of here.

At least, one of us does.

Chances are pretty slim
that I'm gonna climb out.

Yeah, well, the crates are out.

Yep.

- If you got an idea, feel free.
- I came up with the bar trick thing,

and that didn't work out so well,
so I think I'll just...

leave it to the pros.

Yeah.

Sorry.

All my energy's focused on
not screaming in agony.

Wonderful.

The grappling hook didn't work because

the hook wouldn't hold
our weight in the soil.

The crates didn't work
because Sam was too heavy.

We all would have been.
I mean, our weight in general.

It had nothing to do with you.
I mean, you're in very good shape.

Seriously.
You have, like, the perfect body.

Oh, not that you don't.

No, no. I realize
that your bodies are different,

and maybe that would mean

that I think your body is imperfect,
but that's not the case.

No. No, no.
Far, far, far from it. That...

That is a sweet...

Which is to say, it would be impossible
for me to choose which of you...

Rest assured,
you're never gonna have to.

If we'd kept quiet, I bet he would have
gone on like that forever.

I'm sorry.

- What I mean is that you have...
- Rodney.

Stay on topic.

Right. Okay...

Right, where was I?

All right,

look...

If we can get...

this rod up there,

attach the rope to it, it'll lay
across the hole, support our weight.

We won't have to worry about the soil.

You were barely able to get
the grappling hook up there.

Barely?
Were you not watching?

It's just that
it's a lot heavier than that.

So...

A detonator...

I need a detonator.

Just place the detonator
inside of the tube...

Now.

We have to seal the bottom of the tube

around the gas leak,

like so.

All right.

So...

put the wadding...

and the rod into the barrel...

and then, gently, create a seal.

We don't want to pack it too tight,
or we've got ourselves a pipe b*mb,

but, if we play it right,

- our very own cannon.
- You really think this is gonna work?

It should.

You can build a cannon just like that?

Please, we got access
to pressurized gas, it's a cinch.

- You should have seen my grade six...
- Rodney.

Right. Okay, yeah.

All right, so.

Ready?

All right. Okay.

And... are we ready?

Ready.

Fire in the hole.

Nice aim!

Nice cannon.

That went really far.

McKay!

You should stop.
There's too much dirt coming in.

- The room's gonna get too heavy.
- I've almost got it!

Jennifer!

Down here!

Rodney, don't let go!

Rodney, don't let go!

- Rodney?
- Sam, I can't hold it.

Yes, you can!

No, I've never been good
at holding heavy things.

I had an old lady's grocery cart
in college...

One reason I didn't date....

Stay focused!
You need to pull her up.

Really? I was just getting used
to the idea of not letting go.

She can't just hang there
forever, Rodney.

- Help me!
- Rodney, I can't help you.

I can't even stand up. You're gonna have
to pull her up on your own.

Wait, wait!

- Don't pull me up!
- What?

Why?

I see light!

No, no! Don't go towards the light.
You wanna stay with the living.

No, daylight.
There's a mineshaft down here.

I see daylight!

Like on the other side.
Should have thought of that!

Okay, guys, what do you
want me to do? What do I do?

Lower me.

What? Lower you?

It's about 10 feet away.
I just need to swing over.

What if the mineshaft is harder
to get out of than this chamber?

We already lost our exit, Rodney.

I'll take my chances!
Just lower me, I can't hold on forever.

You and me both.

Okay, good, stop.

Gladly.

You're doing great, Rodney!
You're doing just great.

No, "great" is the beach
with a fiber-optic hook-up.

This, this is complete agony!

I made it!

You could have warned me.

This thing leads straight out.

It's a nice, steady slope!

- Come on, you guys gotta get down here!
- You go.

What? No way.

There's no way I'm going to be able
to lower myself.

You won't have to. I'll lower you.

Rodney, your hands...

Look, I'm not leaving you behind.

Come on... Make you a seat.

Okay, that's good.
Stop!

Stopping!

Almost there!

Just give me a few more feet of slack!

I got her!

- You're up, McKay!
- Oh! Great.

Great, because, I was just thinking

what would be awesome?

Would be more physical exertion.

Come on now, start swinging.

Rodney, you have to use your body

and start swinging.
Come on, you're so close.

No.

Used everything I got to get this far.

So that's it then, you're quitting?
You're just gonna die there on the rope?

No.

No, I'm just taking a little rest.

You know, I'm like...

Like a real-life action star, kinda.

- What?
- You know,

sh**ting g*ns, running around,

saving people...

You'd think this
would be easy for me now.

You think I'd be,
like, super-buff by now.

Okay, come on, Schwarzenegger,
start swinging.

Just a second more.

Okay, break's over.

That was close.

Correction...

That was close.

Okay, come on.
You need to help me.

Looks good.
Okay, thank you.

How's Sam?

She's gonna be okay.

It's a clean break, they're resetting it
and putting her into a cast,

which means she's gonna be on crutches
for a few weeks or so, but...

Thank you...

She's gonna be fine.

How are you doing?

I'd like to take a bath in this
ointment they just put on my hands,

'cause they are the only thing
that doesn't hurt.

It's not gonna scar, is it?

Chicks dig scars.

- Not the chicks I dig.
- You're gonna be fine.

Thanks, by the way.

For what?

You saved my life.

If you had let go...

You're welcome.

Right, I'm going back to my room,

curling up in the fetal position,
sleeping for three days.

Well, not quite yet.

You owe me a beer

from the bar trick thing earlier.

You couldn't figure it out, so...

There was no time!
I would've figured it out.

Yeah, Chimps would have
been able to figure it out,

but the thing is, you didn't,

so I win, and you owe me a beer.

I don't remember
ever agreeing to the beer.

- McKay.
- What?

Do you wanna have
a drink with me, or not?

You wanna have a drink?

God, you're not very good
at this, are you?

No. No, I'm not.

Come on.