02x05 - The Story of Thugnificent

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Thugnificent:

Rags to b*tches.

[?]

The story of Thugnificent
begins here...

In the projects
of Terra-Belle, Georgia,

one of the poorest and toughest
towns in the country.

Terra-Belle leads Georgia
in homicides, infant mortality,

AIDS, and everything else bad.

Yeah, you know,
in Latin they say

"terra belle" means
"beautiful earth. "

But in Georgia,
Terra-Belle means,

"f*cked-up
place to live. "

Terrible Terra-Belle.

Yes, sir. That's
our name for it.

Now, this right here
is where I grew up.

I seen everything, man.
Everything.

I seen a n*gga get k*lled
right over there, you know?

They b*at him up, stomped him,
sh*t the dude,

stomped the n*gga again,

and then I seen 'em
take a dump on the dude.

I swear to God, man,
they actually, like,

sh*t a deuce
on this n*gga, man.

You know what I'm saying?
They shat on the n*gga, man.

And I started thinking
to myself:

"Man...

what did he do to make
them n*gg*s that mad?"

Now, right over here,

that's where the police
station used to be.

They must not have
liked that location,

'cause, uh,
they up and left.

So where's the new
police station?

What? n*gga, there was no more
police station after that.

Pigs got the f*ck
up outta here.

That's when they put

this big-ass fence up
around the city.

[SCREAMS]

So, what was it like
growing up

in a place like this?

It was hard, you know?

A lot of people don't know

that places like this
even exist in America.

They don't know how dirty
the South really gets.

[KIDS LAUGH]
Mm-hm.

GIRL: Hey.
That's a damn shame.

But that's real sh*t,
though, n*gga.

You got naked kids.

Parents gotta choose
between food and clothes

for their kids, shorty.

Or for themselves.

It's real out here, n*gga.

? I am the stone
The builder refused ?

? I am the visual
The inspiration ?

? That made lady
Sing the blues ?

? I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ?

? The same spark
That lights the dark ?

? So that you can know
Left from right ?

? I am the ballot in your box
The b*llet in the g*n ?

? The inner glow
That lets you know ?

? To call your brother sun ?

? The story that just begun ?

? The promise
Of what's to come ?

? And I'm 'a remain a soldier ?

? Till the w*r is won
Won ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?

? Chop, chop, chop ?

[?]

GIRL :
I think he's in there.

GIRL : There's probably
gonna be a lot of orgies.

GIRL :
That's not true.

GIRL :
I can't believe it. So exciting.

This is, like,
the greatest thing

that ever happened
in our neighborhood.

Where you can, like, track,
like, if someone, like,

does anything weird.

What in the hell?

What's going on?
What's going on?

Well, he's moving in.
Who?

You should come to more of
the community council meetings.

I ain't worried about
no damn council meeting.

Tell me who's moving in.

[BASS THUMPING]

GIRL :
He's coming, you guys.

Everybody get ready.
GIRL : Oh, my gosh.

Totally, you know.

Like, oh, my gosh.

Get ready, you guys.

GIRL :
You guys, he's coming.

RILEY:
Wait, wait, wait.

I know that song.

Thugnificent.

? Booty-butt, booty-butt
Booty-butt cheeks?

? Booty-butt, booty-butt
Booty-butt cheeks?

? Booty, booty
B-b-b-booty-butt cheeks?

[SCREAMING EXCITEDLY]

GIRL: Thugnificent!
Thugnificent, wait!

[LAUGHING]

? Booty-butt
Booty-butt cheeks?

Oh, man,

Thugnificent and the Lethal
Interjections living here.

Thug who?
Thugnificent.

I can't believe it.

[MUSIC POUNDING]

GIRL:
Wait up. Wait up.

[BASS THUMPING]

[RAP SONG PLAYING]

? Yeah ?

[SCREAMING EXCITEDLY]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

All right, Thugnificent.

[LAUGHS, CHEERS]

That's right, y'all.

Put your hands up, white folks,

'cause Thugnificent's
in the m*therf*cking...

Man, I wanna go over there,

but I don't wanna
d*ck ride, you know?

Would that be d*ck riding?
You think? To go over there?

What it do, Woodcrest?
Ha-ha.

What's 'hood in the Wood,
white folks?

I just wanna say
we happy to be out here

in our new crib
in Woodcrest...

A'ight. What if I just
go over there

and give him a pound,
and be like:

"What up, Thugnificent?"

Like, not really all on
his sack or nothing? Yeah.

THUGNIFICENT:
I'm here for everybody.

Get back here, Riley.

Ah, come on, Granddad.
Oh, no.

I'll be right...

THUGNIFICENT: My house is your house.
All is yours.

I don't want either of you going
near that house. You hear me?

THUGNIFICENT:
I might buy everything.

Know what? Uh,

I don't wanna d*ck ride,

so I'm gonna just, uh,

go back to the house.

THUGNIFICENT:
... our new crib in Woodcrest,

with all these trees
and white b*tches and lemonade,

and bagels and sh*t.

But you know how we do.

We bring the 'hood with us,
right here.

Now let's make it rain.

GIRL:
Yeah. This is fantastic.

Ha-ha. Whoo.
That's right, n*gga.

I'm about to do it big
in Woodcrest.

Right across,
I'm gonna put a club.

Uh, next door is gonna be
my detail shop.

n*gga, I'm about to clear
all this sh*t out. Ha-ha.

GIRL: Welcome to the neighborhood.

Huh?
That's right, y'all.

Thugnificent bringing the 'hood

to this very street.
Eh-heh.

The ghetto is here,
y'all. Heh.

Ain't this a bitch?

Who in the hell
left the gate open?

... 'cause I love it. Heh.

What up, old n*gga?

You got some words of welcome

for all this thugnificence?

Come on over here.
Do it big, man.

Thug out with the homey.

Mm-mm.

Nappy-headed ho's.

Oh, yeah? Well,
f*ck you, old-ass n*gga.

Stop hating and get money,
my n*gga.

You just mad at
all this thugnificence.

Respect it, man.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Breathe it in, n*gga.
Bask in it.

Now, where were we?

Uh, I don't know. I- I think
it's pretty cool, I guess,

having a big celebrity
move in.

Well, I don't know much
about him,

but my two teenage kids
are very excited.

You know, they love him.

They have the CD diskettes
and the video games

and the dungarees with his name

on the, um, pocket.

I don't want them damn n*gg*s

living across the street
from me. sh**t.

Paid too much money
for my house. Funny-ass music.

[LIKE RAPPER] Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Get 'em
outta here.

I'm gonna k*ll
this m*therf*cker.

MAN [ON TV]: Thugnificent and his
cohorts, Macktastic and Flonominal,

formed The Lethal
Interjection Crew,

and tasted success early

with the smash club anthem

"Booty-Butt Cheeks. "

Now Thugnificent has a new

multimillion-dollar
major-label deal,

a new house in the suburbs

and a new album,

Rags to b*tches.

See, Rags to b*tches
is more than a album.

I consider it
as a movement.

The way I'm looking at it,

I'm picking up where
Malcolm X left off, n*gga.

It's that big.
You know what I'm saying?

This is the movement
that says, you know:

"Don't grow up and act like
a f*cking fool all the time,

"and you can still make it
up out the 'hood

and enjoy everything
that life has to offer. "

[?]

RUCKUS: It's like somebody
threw a million dollars

into the monkey cage at the zoo.

It breaks my heart to watch

the "negridation"
of this decent place.

Well, we can't live
next to their kind.

We have kids.

I ain't gonna stand for it.

We were here first.
Right.

GRANDDAD:
What we gonna do?

TOM:
I'd sell my house if I thought

it was still worth anything.

Why don't you just
invite them over for dinner,

and get to know one another?

Yeah.

I guess I could do that.

[?]

MACKTASTIC:
What's happening, n*gga?

Where the chicken wings
and the doughnuts?

What the f*ck you got to eat
in this bitch, n*gga?!

Mm-mm. That sh*t
ain't happening.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUMBLING]

[GROWLS]

What the hell going on
out here?

[LOUD RAP MUSIC
PLAYING]

Hey! Shut up
all that damn noise!

I'm a old man. Y'all need to
listen to some Nat King Cole

and some Johnny Mathis.

[GROANS]

[GROANING]

No.

[GROANING]

[RAP MUSIC
PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

WOMAN:
Why don't you call her then?

MAN: That's what I'm
talkin' about here.

THUGNIFICENT:
Hey, hey, hey. Little homey.

Hulk up, my n*gga.

You ain't got no drink?

Get some of this

incredible hulk, little n*gga.

Thanks, man.

Hey, my name is Riley,

and I live across the street.

Oh, with the mean old man?

Yeah, that's my granddad.

Don't mind him.
He a hater.

Look, I don't wanna be
d*ck riding

or nothing, you know.

I just wanna say that
I like your music.

And, uh, you know,
this is my turf over here,

and I'm holding it down
for all the young G's.

So, you know,
holler at your man

if you need anything.

I ain't on your nuts, though.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, man.
Respect, little partner.

Hey, this little n*gga's
all right, y'all.

Hey! n*gga,
get your m*therf*cking feet

off the table.

Your mama taught you better
than that, ghetto-ass n*gga.

Get your mother-
Hey!

Who put the m*therf*cking Kool-Aid...
[SPITS]

...in the Jacuzzi?

WOMAN :
Whoo!

[GROANS]

[RILEY LAUGHS]

So then I say
to R. Kelly,

"Did you wash
your hands?"

Hey, for real?
On the real?

Yo, this little n*gga funny.
Come on.

This little n*gga like.

Charlie Murphy
or some sh*t, man.

Hey, man.
This your brother?

Hello. Goodbye.

Yo, n*gga. Your brother told us

how you be all
into reading and sh*t.

Hey, that's some real
good sh*t, my n*gga, for real.

Congratulations, n*gga.

Did you just
congratulate me for reading?

Word. Oh, yeah,
man, you know,

good sh*t, homey.

Word. You know what I mean?

You know, that reading sh*t,
it's hard, son.

Word. You know
what I mean? Word.

Especially when them books be

you know what I mean, you know,

really thick and heavy-like,
you know what I mean?

Word. You know
what I mean?

Uh, we're gonna take off.

This doesn't seem to be
a place for kids.

The f*ck you talking
about, man?

We got PlayStation
and Xbox, n*gga.

And we got incredible
hulks, n*gga.

All the kids is
welcome, m*therf*cker.

WOMAN :
Who called me a bitch?

Huh?
[MAN SNORING]

Get your drunk ass
outta here.

[GRUNTS] Ahh!

[GASPS]

What the f*ck? My yard.

emergency. I'll hold.

Uh, okay.

So that's complaint
number -dash- ,

regarding excessive noise,

people walking around

where they don't
want them to be,

eating outside

when they think they
should be inside at a table.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Uh-oh.

You filed a complaint
against me, old man?!

You filed a complaint
against Thugnificent?

Fine.
It's on now.

Rap beef, n*gga.
Punk-ass m*therf*cker.

Geritol n*gga.
Bitch-ass n*gga.

Do something, n*gga.
Man, f*ck that.

? I'm 'a stomp him
In the nuts ?

? Stomp him in the nuts ?

? I'm 'a stomp him
In the nuts ?

NARRATOR:
We now return to Thugnificent:

Rags to b*tches.

Thugnificent's
rags-to-b*tches story

took an unexpected turn
recently

when he moved
into his first home

in the super-elite suburb
of Woodcrest.

Several of the black residents
filed a complaint

to have Thugnificent
forced out of the neighborhood.

Let me ask you
something.

How did it
make you feel

knowing that this
neighborhood's black residents

didn't want
you here?

Man, that hurt more
than anything, you know?

To be stabbed in the back
by your own people?

And for no reason?
Man, we been good neighbors.

Superb, homey.
Exemplary.

I feel sorry
for 'em, though,

'cause they must
have forgot

where they came from.

GRANDDAD: You don't know
where I came from.

I'm from a small town
called

Whip a Rapper's Little Narrow
Country Ass. And you-

Hey. Put that camera
back over here.

I ain't finished my damn line.

And y'all are making me
homesick.

There, now stick that
up your ass.

Eat a d*ck, old man.

You f*cking-ass,

punk, old p*ssy-ass man.

MACKTASTIC: Eat a sack of
baby dicks, m*therf*cker.

Yo, welcome back, welcome back.
It's your boy, T.

Let's get into something
brand new,

the club banger,
"Eff Granddad" by my man-

That's my boy,
my friend, Thugnificent.

You know what it is. Fatman
Scoop on the radio right here.

New Thugnificent,
"Eff Granddad,"

the first dis record against
somebody's family member.

And it's got my main man,

Nate "Doggity" Dogg,
on the hook.

Check it out.

[THUGNIFICENT'S
"EFF GRANDDAD" PLAYING]

[g*n COCKS, g*nsh*t]

? You're just mad
'Cause your ass is old ?

? Old m*therf*cker ?

? First thing you do
Is just pick up the phone ?

Eat a d*ck,
n*gga.

? Lethal Interjection
Living next to your home ?

? m*therf*cking grandpa
Old n*gga, it's on ?

? Old m*therf*cker ?

? Lethal Interjection
Versus one old n*gga ?

? He picked up the phone ?

? Now my finger's
On the trigger ?

? Snitching
Ain't the thing to do ?

? So now me and my crew ?

? Gonna show the block
How to handle this fool ?

? He's just hatin'
'Cause we went ?

? From rags to riches
To baddest b*tches ?

? Somebody need to ask
these snitches ?

? Why they talking to police?
No justice, no peace ?

? My house is paid for
No rent, no lease ?

[g*nsh*t]

? You're just mad 'cause
Your ass is old? Yeah.

? First thing you do Is just
pick up the phone? Snitch.

? Lethal Interjection
Living next to your home ?

? m*therf*cking grandpa
Old n*gga, it's on ?

? Money, money
Money, money ?

? You're just mad
'Cause your ass is old ?

? You old m*therf*cker ?

? First thing you do
Is just pick up the phone ?

? Snitch, n*gga, n*gga
n*gga ?

? Lethal Interjection
Living next to your home ?

? m*therf*cking grandpa
Old n*gga, it's on ?

Yeah. Soul, n*gga.
Uh.

? This old man
He played fool ?

? Now his ass is grass
For dropping dimes on my crew ?

? The only reason
That I pack a strap ?

? Is that I knew
This old n*gga was fouled ?

? Like Hack-a-Shaq?
? A-Shaq ?

? This is the type of heat ?

? That when they start
Playing it ?

? Old folks should get
Their ass whupped ?

? For acting all gay and sh*t ?

n*gga.
? You done crossed the line ?

? See, it don't cost a dime ?

? Somebody toss my ?

? You're just mad ?

? 'Cause your ass is old ?

Yo, that was crazy.

What in the hell was that?
Was that about me?

Man, tell me you didn't
think that was hot.

Oh, wait, wait.
Let me guess.

You gonna hate on it

just 'cause they was
talkin' about you.

You need to stop with
the hate crimes, Granddad.

That wasn't even me.

That was that n*gga
from Friday,

dressed like me.
I'll sue.

You might wanna go over there
and talk to them

before this gets outta hand.

You know what? f*ck them.

They can make all the silly
little videos they want.

When the council vote
on my complaint,

they'll be out of
the neighborhood.

Dang, Granddad. Heh.

I always knew you was a hater,

but I never thought
you'd be famous for it.

[?]

[DOG BARKING,
DOOR OPENS]

TOM:
Goodbye, Thugnificent.

[CHUCKLES]

Tom.

Oh, uh- Heh-heh.

Hey, Robert.

But, Tom, you filed
the complaint with me.

Yeah. Then I thought
about it,

and I just went over there
and met the guys.

And turns out
they're not so bad.

A little country,
maybe, you know.

They use the word "thar"
instead of "there. "

But, Tom. I thought
we were in this together.

Yeah.
[SUCKS IN AIR]

I know.

Me too.

[DOG BARKS, HOWLS]

This is... really
uncomfortable,

so I'm just gonna mosey.

Mm-hm.

[VIBRATES]

[MAN COUGHING]

MAN:
Hello?

Yo, this X.
Who's this?

Uh, hey, there.
This is, uh, Granddad.

Uh, you did some work
on my car?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You talking about the Granddad

from the Thugnificent song?

Oh-ho, sh*t.

Man, that's my sh*t right there.
Man, I love that song.

They roasted you.

Man, how'd it go?
How'd that go?

? Oh, you're just mad
'Cause your ass is old?

Man, they k*lled you.

Yeah, see, that's
actually why I'm calling.

See, I'm gonna make my own rap

about Thugnificent
and embarrass him.

Hey, yo. You never gonna
guess who on the phone.

And did you know that fool
parked cars on my yard?

I'm gonna rap about that too.

So, uh, XYZ, uh, whatever
your name is,

I was wondering
if you would be interested

in rapping with me on this song?

See, I'll rap first, and you can
come in and rap second.

But no curse words.

And none of them
crazy metaphors:

"Your breasts
look like two mountains. "

None of that garbage.
Just stick to the point.

Can you turn me up
in the headphones?

Granddad, you're only
making things much, much worse.

Oh, hush, boy.
I can rap.

Big t*nk, please
make it hot, player.

Yeah, this rap go out
to Punknificent

and all his fans.

? Yeah, yeah?

? Old Punk-ass-nificent
Never went to high school?

? That's why he's?

? A mother-mother-mother
Mother fool?

? Momma was a fool?

? Daddy was too?

? You wanna be
Like Thugnificent?

? Don't go to school, fool?

GRANDDAD [ON LAPTOP]:
? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

This m*therf*cker
went to YouTube?

No, this n*gga didn't.

It's really on now.
Oh, hell no.

This little f*cking
bitch-ass, old-ass n*gga.

Hey, yo, word to mother...

Hello?

Oh, hey, hey, Mom.

What's-? What's
going on, Ma?

Ma... I ain't thr*aten
no old people.

Come on, Ma.
That ain't

even my style, Ma.

This little old
dude, Ma. Just one.

Ma, I really need to
call you back, please.

'Cause I do. Mom,
I'm in a meeting.

Mommy. Can I call you
back, please, Ma?

Oh, okay, okay, cool.

I will. I'm gonna
call you back, Mommy.

I love you too.
[HANGS UP]

Hey, are we gonna f*ck
this old-ass n*gga up?

Now, you know,
I don't hate old people.

Just sometimes you gotta
let 'em know

not to get it twisted.

Just 'cause you lived
a long life,

don't mean it can't
come to a short end, n*gga.

What's up, world?
This is Sway.

Law enforcement sources
have confirmed

that two Cleveland teens
have been arrested

for assaulting this man
while reciting the lyrics

to Thugnificent's hit,
"Eff Granddad. "

SWAY: One of the teens
reportedly told police:

"I b*at up old people

"because Thugnificent does it,

and that makes it cool. "

It wasn't
the last incident.

Recently, a rash
of elderly assaults

attributed to the beef,
have broke out,

including two in Lithuania
and one in Tokyo.

SWAY:
The AARP announced a boycott

of Thugnificent's record label.

It's feared that the protest

could soon explode
into more v*olence.

Man, Thugnificent ain't
telling nobody

to b*at up
no old people.

I don't see how someone
could get something like that

outta that song.

Thugnificent is
talking about

what he's going through,

so maybe
a young person listening

won't have to go through
the same sh*t.

You smell me?
You know, people always wanna-

[STAMMERS]

You know what
I mean?

[CHATTER] HUEY:
Ladies and gentlemen,

what started as a simple
disagreement between neighbors

has devolved into senseless,
ignorant, self-destructive

generational tribalism.

Fortunately, a robust exchange
of ideas has taken place,

and we are hopeful to having
a resolution shortly.

Thank you.

[REPORTERS TALKING]

He lets me whup him,
we can call it even.

What's a n*gga want?
Try to whup me.

Whup your ass, n*gga.

You know who
you messin' with, n*gga?

[ALL TALKING
AT ONCE]

Would somebody here
please be an adult?

You're neighbors.
You have to live together.

THUGNIFICENT: Hey,
man, you know what?

Somebody here
needs to be an adult.

We're neighbors.

We have to learn
to live together.

Yeah.
Exactly.

Exactly. That's
what I'm talking about.

That's a really
grown-up way

to look at it, Thugnificent.

Not that I'm pole-jocking
or nothing.

Hey, everybody good
in here? Beverages?

What about you,
big guy? You good?

Hey.

Let me get that
for you, homey.

Any of y'all need a coaster?

Let me go get y'all
these coasters, right quick.

Now, old man, we feel like

we been very courteous
neighbors.

Courteous. What about
the loud party?

n*gga, you gave us permission
to have that party.

That's not my signature.

Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go

whip y'all up a little snack
or something.

Who's up for guacamole?

I make some mean guacamole...

Well, what about parking
all those damn cars

on my yard and
ruining my lawn?

Man, how was we to know valet
was parking cars on your yard?

n*gg*s was
passed out by then.

We was fixing to
come over and apologize.

But then you had to
go off filing complaints

and doing all that
old gay sh*t.

THUGNIFICENT:
You know what hurts?

You didn't respect us
enough as homeowners

to just talk things out
in a neighborly fashion.

That's a really
powerful sentiment

you just expressed
right there, Thugnificent.

Well, what about all that stuff
in the video, huh?

Oh, n*gga, that was
just entertainment.

You being real sensitive
right now, man.

Yeah, man. Anybody could see

that that was
a satirical ass-b*ating.

Granddad, if you apologize
to Thugnificent

for filing the complaint,

then I'm sure, Thugnificent,

you will be willing to
apologize for the video.

[?]

Hell, no, I ain't
apologizing, punk-ass n*gga.

Kiss my ass,
old-ass n*gga.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Please.
Stupid-ass...

Can we at least agree,

for the sake of
old people everywhere,

that there will be
no more dis records?

Fine, whatever.
I spits hot fire.

I'll eat your ass up
on the M-I-C,

if you keep messing with me.

[CROWD CHEERS, APPLAUDS]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

You gonna pay for
my lawn, boy.

Eat a d*ck, old n*gga.

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

Yeah, you know,
what Rags to b*tches means

is that there's more to life
than what you're born into.

There's also b*tches.

[?]