ANNOUNCER:
What's good? What's really good?
Y'all already know, folks.
Riley Freeman,
a. K.a. Young Reezy,
doing it Godzilla-big
here at All-Star Weekend.
Only years old
and putting the smack down
on these bitch-ass n*gg*s.
Here he is winning
the three-point contest
making it rain like Lil' Wayne
out this m*therf*cker.
Without even taking
off his warmups.
Or his Tims, n*gga.
And later,
he busts Vince Carter's ass
in the slam-dunk contest.
Look. Look at this right here.
Look, look.
g*dd*mn!
[ALL CHEER]
Man, I seen it all.
Ernie, n*gga, back to you.
This Riley Freeman,
a very exciting
but controversial player.
Last year,
he became the first person
to leave elementary school
and go to the NBA
when the Miami Heat signed him
to a $ gazillion contract,
the biggest in league history.
I don't care how much
they pay him, Ernie,
this kid is a disgrace
to basketball.
He epitomizes everything wrong
with the game today.
Now, Charles, it seems to me
that you're hating on Riley
because he stacks paper
to the ceiling
and rides on -inch chrome.
Yeah, that's true.
Now let's go back
to my n*gga on the floor.
ANNOUNCER:
Man, check out how Young Reezy
shitted on these n*gg*s
in today's game.
Here's Riley going up against
Kobe Bryant.
And breaks his ankle.
Look at that bitch-ass n*gga
limping off the floor.
Ooh, no wonder
they ride his nuts so hard.
Seems like Yao Ming
wants some too.
Get your bitch ass
out the way, n*gga.
Fellas, I'm here with
All-Star MVP Riley Freeman.
Eighty-seven points,
rebounds.
Riley, is there anything
you can't do, n*gga?
I don't know, go broke?
[LAUGHS]
Good one, little brother.
Shaq, blocks for Riley,
you had one.
That's got to make you
feel f*cked up.
It did at first,
then I realized hating
on Riley's superior game
doesn't make
my game any better,
so guess I have to work harder,
step up to his level.
That's what great players do.
They bring the best
out of everyone on the team.
So he's better than you?
Yes.
And stacks more paper
and gets more ho's
than you, n*gga?
Absolutely.
And speaking of ho's,
we are also joined
by Riley's grandfather.
And manager, thank you.
I see you're f*cking up
all your grandson's money.
Why, yes, I am,
player-player.
I'm blowing
through his money so fast,
you wouldn't believe it.
Yesterday, I bought a car
that turns into a boat.
Can you believe that? A boat.
Granddad,
you messing up my dream.
I paid for that bed
you sleeping on,
so it's my dream too.
You should probably wake up
and smell the sheets.
You know you pee the bed.
I do not. Get out of my dream.
Boy, you out of your mind,
raising your voice at me.
I'll b*at your little ass
in front of what's-his-name.
Get your butt over here,
trying to embarrass me...
Uh, back to y'all, man.
? I am the stone
The builder refused ?
? I am the visual
The inspiration ?
? That made lady
Sing the blues ?
? I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ?
? The same spark
That lights the dark ?
? So that you can know
Left from right ?
? I am the ballot in your box
The b*llet in the g*n ?
? The inner glow
That lets you know ?
? To call your brother sun ?
? The story that just begun ?
? The promise
Of what's to come ?
? And I'm 'a remain a soldier ?
? Till the w*r is won
Won ?
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
? Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ?
? Chop, chop, chop ?
[?]
Ooh. I got the cross,
the cross spin.
The reverse spin.
Lean with it, rock with it.
I got the footwork.
Behind-the-head catch, yeah.
Damn it, boy, have you lost
your natural black mind?
You wanna play basketball,
you play it outside.
And play it like you
got some sense.
No more of that damn
street ball hot-dogging
hippity-hop, and one and seven,
whatever the hell it is.
Matter of fact, you about
to get a lesson in fundamentals.
Go outside and sh**t
free throws while I change.
Oh, man.
Any monkey can do them tricks.
You need to learn the basics.
Eww, why are your shorts
so short?
All right, let's go.
Game on.
I don't think I can concentrate
on the game
because it looks like your thing
could fly out
and brush up against me.
I ain't changing my shorts.
TOM: Hey, guys.
Couldn't help notice you were
about to play some b-ball.
What you got there, Riley, huh?
You got some moves?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Wow, that is pretty good
ball control.
Hey, toss me the ball, Riley.
Here you go.
Oh!
Oops, never mind.
Shocking.
I have never seen anyone
his age with handles like that.
GRANDDAD: I told him he needs to
stop street ball and learn to play.
Yeah, but what natural talent.
Riley, you could
be a superstar one day.
sh**t, I'm a superstar now.
Ever played on a team?
No.
Well, I'm coaching
a Woodcrest Youth
Basketball Association team,
the Mighty Deers.
You know, Timid Deer Lane.
That's right, I rep the Deer.
Anyway,
season just got underway,
but it's not too late
to try out for the team.
Y'all any good?
Um, no.
But we have a lot of spirit.
Cool. More shine for me.
Hey, great shorts.
[?]
Okay, um, Frank.
Go one-on-one
against Riley.
No, no, give me
the whole starting five.
Yep, yep. All of 'em.
Let's go.
TOM:
All right, Deers.
Get out there
and give him what you got.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
That's all you get for free.
[CHUCKLES]
That's all I need to see.
Riley, I started this team
because when I was younger,
I saw a movie
called The Mighty Ducks,
and there was
that moment at the end,
just the coach
believing in his players,
and they won.
It was like a miracle moment.
And ever since then,
I wanted to live that moment.
Help misfit kids realize their
dreams through youth sports.
But it all backfired.
They were terrible.
We never won a single game.
Just one agonizing loss
after another.
We ended our season last year
with the worst record
in the league.
It was the saddest thing
you've ever seen.
But I think
that just changed.
We can win, Riley.
You and I can share
that miracle moment together.
If, and only if,
we believe in each other.
I believe in you.
What do you say?
Call my agent, man.
[LAUGHS]
You bet I will, buddy.
KIDS:
Throw it to me, throw that ball.
Riley, you're an hour
late to practice.
I didn't come to practice.
You never called my agent.
I thought that was a joke.
Oh, no, no.
Young Reezy never joke
about his paper stacks.
Robert Freeman.
You know him, right?
Give him a call.
Y'all can take care
of everything.
Anyway, I came to talk to you
about the uniforms.
I got mine today
and that joint is wack.
Oh, we gotta talk about
the team name too.
You don't like the name?
We rep Timid Deer.
I don't wanna rep Timid Deer.
I wanna rep something
that don't sound faggy.
I'm not feeling the name.
Nope.
I don't care how good you are,
I'm not changing the name.
Suit yourself.
I just feel sorry for them.
[GRUNTS]
They ain't never gonna get
that dream you promised them
and for what?
One man's ego?
Sad. Good luck.
ALL:
Bye, Riley.
Bye, Riley.
HUEY:
Tom relented and negotiated
a half-season contract
with Riley.
In lieu of monetary
compensation,
Tom agreed to allow Riley
to design the uniforms
and pick the name of the team.
ANNOUNCER:
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the Ball-a-Holics!
Young Reezy Riley Freeman.
That's my boy!
That's my boy...
Go, Ball-a-Holics! Go!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Uh-oh, everybody,
keep an eye on your wallet.
[SNICKERS]
Look here, old dog.
Only stealing and sh**ting
I wanna see
is of this here b-ball,
you little future ex-con.
Game on.
ANNOUNCER [ON PA]:
Folks, we are getting underway.
Tip-off there, right, straight
in the hands of Young Reezy.
GRANDDAD:
Show them what you got.
Fancy dribbling, between
the legs, pass on the side
around the right side
of his opponent-
Leaves him in the dust.
Below-knee dribbling.
You're not gonna see this
in any kid's game.
GRANDDAD:
Take it to the hoop!
He's got the eye
of the tiger.
Still dribbling now, there's
some impressive dribbling.
Keeping the other kids
off guard, still, uh-
Still, um- Still at it,
still, uh- Still dribb-
TOM:
Okay, Riley. Pass the ball.
Just, uh, kind of dribbling,
we've seen- Pass.
It's when you let go of the ball
and give it to someone else.
BOY:
Come on, go for it!
TOM:
Riley, pass!
ANNOUNCER [YAWNING]:
This is- He's still-
TOM:
Riley, pass the ball.
g*dd*mn.
Enough with the dribbling.
[CROWD BOOING] sh**t the ball.
Come on, Riley,
take it to the hoop.
Riley, att*ck the basket! Go!
Riley, sh**t.
Why won't he sh**t the ball?
Oh, he's got
the look on his face.
Towards the goal,
got the dribble.
Going up, up,
beautiful jump sh*t.
Beautiful arc on that ball.
Looks like it may
have just enough
to go way into the cypresses.
[ALL SIGH]
[ALL LAUGH]
ALL [CHANTING]: Air ball.
That's kind of embarrassing
after that buildup.
It's okay, Riley.
First-game jitters, come on.
RILEY:
Come on, Big Bird,
what you got?
Let me see what you got.
Goes straight up in his face
and- Ooh, a swish.
Gotta hurt
a kid's soul right there.
Riley up, now two defenders.
A little hook sh*t and nothing.
[CROWD BOOING]
Can somebody say "brick ball"?
I can.
Brick ball.
TOM: Okay, back on D.
Riley now on defense,
coming up behind, and-
Easy lay-up
right in Riley's face.
There's a bim, a bam,
and one more thank-you-ma'am.
TOM: That's your man.
Ho-ho, look at that fadeaway.
Swoosh. Whammo. Wow.
Zero- .
Riley up again-
Up again for the easy
jump sh*t, as far as-
[LAUGHS]
Uh-oh.
[CROWD BOOS]
I hate to laugh
at an -year-old, folks.
I gotta take a little time-out.
[RUCKUS LAUGHS]
White man made you
look like a fool.
Ain't no surprise to me.
All the greatest basketball
players have always been white.
Still are. Larry Bird,
Dirk Nowitzki.
Oh, sure, he ugly as hell
on the face,
but he as white as rice.
[GRUNTS]
Bullshit.
Uh-huh.
Playing against people
ain't like playing
against furniture, is it?
I ain't never playing again.
GRANDDAD:
So that's it?
You're just gonna
go on and quit.
Well, I was excited
seeing you out there.
Granddad, I looked
like a fool out there.
I can't sh**t the ball,
and I don't know why.
Because you don't practice.
Oh, so that's what
practice is for.
TOM:
Now, remember, Riley,
you're not the only one
out there.
Winning is about teamwork.
I remember my senior year
at Princeton.
We b*at Chris Webber
and Michigan with teamwork.
They still show the highlights
of that game sometimes.
Wait, you don't mean the...
The giddyup-ride-'em-cowboy
dunk.
Uh, yeah.
That was me.
Ew, that's the worst thing ever.
Point is, we won.
That's what you call winning?
A n*gga's nuts in your face?
Man, I'd hate to see
what you call losing.
Hey, I took a charge
for the team. We won.
No, but it ain't
look like you won.
Well, that is not
what winning is about.
Well, to you, winning is about
a n*gga's nuts in your face,
so I'm saying...
[?]
Sources close
to the Ball-a-Holics
say young Riley Freeman has
really changed his game here.
He's giving that ball up
a lot more
and being a real team player.
He's got that look in his eye,
passes it off to his teammate.
TOM:
All right, great.
Riley's got the ball
back again, charges.
That's it, Riley. Nothing fancy.
Still great dribbling-
A double crossover.
I don't believe it. This kid
has the heart of an -year-old.
Ooh!
[CROWD CHEERS]
Goodness gracious alive.
You gotta give him props
on that one, folks.
Props all around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little chest-bump action-
King Kong ain't
got nothing on me.
I love you, Granddad.
Thank you, all.
Coach Tom for believing in me...
Riley! Riley! Get back on D.
Boy, play defense!
Uh-oh.
All right, folks, we are back
in the thick of it now.
Riley, two defenders on him,
passes to his teammate,
up, and good.
Something different
is happening here.
This is a well-oiled machine,
folks-
Ooh, another two points.
Yes!
Score, to .
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Do you feel that, g*ng?
That's it. That's the feeling
I've been promising.
Folks, things are looking
bright and cheery
for the Ball-a-Holics now.
TOM: Share the ball.
Riley out there,
he goes around the defender-
Oh. Whoa, looks like
he could have used
a little help on that one.
Again? Enough of-
Riley, stop!
It's okay, I got it, I got it.
Check it out, check it out.
It's shine time, folks,
but all that glitters is-
TOM: You're not even
looking at the basket.
He made that a whole lot
harder than needed.
And in his face.
Score is - .
Riley, please.
Stop the showboating.
How am I gonna be a superstar
without a highlight reel?
Don't worry, we still ahead.
Game on.
Scared to tell you, folks,
there's more than one person
in the word "team,"
if that makes any sense.
No, Riley, no!
This kid sure can dribble,
but he sh**t like sh*t.
Nothing.
Absolute pure air, folks.
Riley has gone from sugar
to absolute crap
in no time at all.
Well, it's like I said before:
The defense
for the Ball-a-Holics
just isn't there.
What?
Over to Riley,
he takes the last sh*t
of the game...
Up and in.
[BUZZER SOUNDS] Yeah.
See? I told you I could do it.
Well, Riley seems happy,
but apparently
for no good reason.
[CRYING]
The scoreboard tells the tale.
[GROANS]
Huey?
Yeah?
I don't like losing.
Well, then,
stop b*ating yourself.
Huey?
Yeah?
You still a bitch.
[SNICKERS]
ANNOUNCER:
And at sh**ting guard,
she's currently
the league high-scorer.
The Blond Bomber,
Cindy "Fearsome" McPhearson.
Looking at the white girl
is a foul.
Speaking to the white girl
is a technical foul.
And touching the white girl,
ho-ho, now, that's a lynching.
[BLOWING]
Game on.
Uh-oh.
Don't get picked by a girl, now.
I don't think you want that,
that ain't pretty.
[MURMURS]
Fearsome takes the ball,
she goes past him
and an easy lay-up.
Ooh, in one,
volume six right there.
You might wanna cop that, bro.
It's like these guys are
playing from the exact same-
Ooh, a fake pass
behind his head,
goes around to the right side,
up and good.
You're just mad
because I'm styling on you.
[LAUGHS]
Looks like we have
a match-up like we haven't seen
in quite a while. Step up,
opens up and straight in.
Riley's got some pepper
of his own out there, folks.
Tossing it up and in.
Didn't know I'd be playing
with a baby.
Bottles.
Sure, go home right now.
Goes around with
two defenders on her-
There's a reason
they call her Fearsome,
[SIGHS]
Not because her dad
was a bear.
Riley,
you've got to calm down.
You're letting her mess
with your head.
I know, you right, you right.
I'm gonna be cool,
I'm gonna be cool.
Got him. Got him. Got him.
As she goes around him once
again, Riley, defending-
Ooh, a little finger roll
there.
[BLOWS WHISTLE] Foul, foul.
Keep your hand
off that white girl.
Foul.
Oh, come on, man,
that's some old bullshit.
[WHISTLES]
That's a technical foul.
Oh, one more of those
and Young Reezy is out of here.
Come on, ref,
that's some kind of bull.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
You need glasses out there?
Score is - .
We can still win this.
Man, we can't b*at 'em.
Not while she in the game.
You gonna have to get in her
head the way she's in yours.
I gotta bag on her.
[GASPS]
That's a great idea.
Whoa, whoa,
are you guys talking about
insulting that child
to throw her game off?
Oh, how about,
her breath is so stank
that, um, it smells
like hot garbage?
Say something about her mama.
Like, her head's so big,
she use a fitted sheet
for a stocking cap.
Wait, wait, wait.
Your mama's so black,
when she get out the car,
the oil light come on.
I don't think
that's gonna work.
All right. How about,
your mama's so fat...
No, no, no, wait, wait.
Your mama's so ashy- No.
Miss Elderberry was talking
about Cindy's mom.
Ooh, this is good.
This is really gonna get her.
What I had heard was...
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-with that big ass...
[MURMURING]
-you know-?
Game on.
Oh, boy, you look mad.
I'm scared now.
You're not gonna cry now,
are you?
[LAUGHS]
Your mama got caught
giving up neck
in the bathroom
at the Woodcrest Country Club,
and it wasn't your daddy.
What?
This game's a real squeaker.
There goes Riley, up-
Oh, for some reason,
he left her standing there.
Standing, looking dumbfounded.
Ooh-wee, your mama does cocaine
when she thinks nobody around.
Who told you that?
Uh-oh. Look out.
Folks, whatever Riley is doing
out there, it is working.
Your parents
are getting divorced
and waiting till after
your birthday to tell.
[WAILS]
Looks like Riley
is all up in her head,
and speaking of being ahead,
folks, we're looking
at something here.
Sixty-one, .
[ALL CHEERING]
Riley, this is it.
[CHUCKLES] This is your day.
I always believed in you.
Thanks, coach.
Well, look at this.
The Tigers have
only one player to sub
and it looks like
it's little Billy Mathews.
Now, Billy is autistic
but he sure loves basketball.
Getting his first playing time
right here today.
Son, just go in there
and have fun.
Today's your day.
I always believed in you.
Ball's being passed
to Billy Mathews,
poor little kid.
Oh, I'm gonna take it easy
on you, Rain Man.
This n*gga out here
like Forrest Gump, y'all.
No hope on this, and the ball
goes straight up- And in!
[CROWD CHEERS]
What the-?
The crowd is loving this kid.
Three points plus points
equals points,
definitely points minus
points
equals points to go.
All right, Billy,
no more freebies.
A little lucky sh*t there
by Billy Mathews and- Again.
[ALL CHEERING]
Billy Mathews is incredible.
Yes!
I knew you can do it.
I knew you can, Billy. Yeah.
BOY:
Here you go, Billy.
The ball stolen
by Billy Mathews.
He's got angle, he's got aim,
he's got game.
Billy Mathews, out of nowhere,
makes you wish the whole team
was autistic right now,
doesn't it?
[BUZZER GOES OFF]
Boy, that kid is special.
Game goes to the Tigers, - .
ALL:
Come on, Billy. Yay! Go!
Last time I saw
something this powerful
was at the end
of The Mighty Ducks.
What a miracle moment.
Motherfucked!
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
Pricks, sh*t.
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
sh*t.
NEWSCASTER [ON TV]:
We've been showing it all day,
simply unbelievable.
Little Billy Mathews
playing his first game
in the Woodcrest Youth
Basketball League, get this:
Twelve for from downtown.
Man, how would you like to be
the poor kid
guarding Billy in this game?
How about this?
The movie rights
to Billy Mathews sold today
for a cool million dollars,
and there is talk, get this,
of giving Billy
his own sneaker.
Way to go, buddy,
you deserve it.
Finally, a kid who knows
what the game is all about.
[?]
[?]
02x08 - Ballin
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Adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey Freeman, who undergo a culture clash when they move from Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.
Adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey Freeman, who undergo a culture clash when they move from Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.