03x01 - It's a Black President, Huey Freeman

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Towards the end

of the campaign,

the Republican party, terrified at their own

sinking poll numbers, attempted to link Barack Obama

to radical leftist figures to make him appear un-American.

First was the controversial Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

I say motherfuck America,
motherfuck America's mother,

motherfuck America's daddy!

America can eat a d*ck!

America can lick the balls!

When that failed, Republicans tried linking Obama

with -year-old domestic t*rror1st Huey Freeman

after discovering the two were MySpace friends.

Did they leave each other
glitter comments?

The public has
a right to know.

Okay, this is a little boy
who thinks that Jesus is black,

Ronald Reagan is the devil

and the government
is lying about / .

Kids like this need to be
on America's sh*t list,

not our friend list.

Obama did his best to downplay the relationship.

Look, I have many,
many friends on MySpace.

I-- I pretty much
add anybody.

I don't know
who this Huey Freeman is,

but he doesn't stand
for what I stand for

and I denounce, I repudiate,
and condemn him.

Basically f*ck him.

NARRATOR: I tracked down the notoriously

reclusive Huey Freeman here,

where he lives with his Grandfather and brother.

The first thing I notice about Huey

is his incredibly large hair.

The second thing I notice is his permanent scowl.

How does it feel to be labeled
a domestic t*rror1st?

Eh, I'm retired.

So then, now that it looks
like Obama is going to win,

as a black
African American n*gro,

are you merely excited
or are you extremely excited

that everything is going
to change forever?

Eh.

I felt my sphincter clinch

and my scrotum contract in shock

at his response.

I swear that boy
just likes to be miserable.

He can't enjoy nothing.

All he wanna talk about
is the Bilderberg Group,

the Federal Reserve
and all that bullshit.

I don't know where
he get that from.

He didn't get it from me.
I believe in hope and change.

NARRATOR: Nobody knows exactly how old

Robert Freeman is.

Not even Robert Freeman himself.

But his age is estimated

somewhere between and years old.

This is what me
and my generation,

but mostly me, struggled for.
Sacrificed for, you can say,

personally individually
paved the way for.

The dogs were after us,
so I took off my belt

and started whipping
on the dogs.

Then I started running.
Then I looked behind me.

Jesse Jackson was supposed
to be there,

but he had jumped
into a Dumpster. Hiding.

That punk-ass.
NARRATOR: I find it difficult

to determine whether Robert is a pathological liar

or suffering the early stages of dementia.

So if the election is fake,
then what's really going on?

The end of America.

I felt despair so terrible

I briefly consider slitting my own wrists,

or bludgeoning myself about the head

with a steel pipe or baseball bat.

But I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat.

Describe Riley Freeman
in one word.

Mm, I'd say real n*gga.

"Real n*gga"
is two words.

I know it's two words, n*gga.

Real n*gg*s
don't follow instructions.

NARRATOR: This is Robert Freeman's

other grandson, Riley.

He's empowered by the prospect of a black president,

but not in the way society would hope or expect.

Oh, if my n*gga Obama
gets up in there,

I'm gonna act a fool!

I ain't doing
no more homework, nothing.

We taking over.

Come on, what's a cop
gonna do to me?

I'm gonna be like, "Don't make
me call the president, bitch."

And the cops, he gonna be like,
"Oh, snap, Riley a real n*gga,

the president's a real n*gga,
we can't do nothing."

I can't wait.

In my driveway

I got planes

NARRATOR: This is Otis Jenkins.

But in the United States, he's better known

by his rap moniker Thugnificent.

A combination of the words "thug" and "magnificent."

Otis has found success

like many n*gro-American entertainers today

by being a professional buffoon.

Are you supporting
Barack Obama?

For what?
For president.

President of what?

You don't know
there's a black man

running for president
named Barack Obama?

His name is Barack?
For real?

Barack Obama, yes.

Get the f*ck out of here.
Barack?

Yes, Barack.
Where's he from, Africa?

His dad was African,
yes.

You can't be serious, man.

There ain't no n*gga running for
president named Barack Obama!

No f*cking way, man.
No f*cking way.

I don't believe you.
Stop f*cking with me.

If he wins, I think
it will literally be

the best day
of my life.

NARRATOR: Tom and Sarah Dubois

are also neighbors of the Freemans.

They both work on the Obama campaign.

Barack has already changed
our lives in so many ways.

NARRATOR:
How?

Well, I mean,
it's no secret

that me and Tom have had
some problems in the past

with our relationship.

Well, it's not like
the whole world knew.

But I think ever since

we started working
together for Barack...

Things are
totally different now.

Much better. And it's all thanks
to Barack.

He is such a wonderful,
wonderful man.

I just think it's about time
we had a president

who was smart and tall and
charming and strong and fit.

Just like your hubby?

This isn't about you,
sweetie.

NARRATOR: It is always obvious

when a couple hasn't engaged

in normal marital relations for some time.

Obama, of course, is as polarizing

as he is transformative.

Some have accused Obama of being a socialist.

Others believe that he's a Muslim.

Some have gone as far as to label him the Antichrist.

He is the socialist Muslim
Antichrist.

This is Uncle Ruckus.

He's an Uncle Tom.

Perhaps the biggest Uncle Tom to have ever lived.

If this n*gga gets elected,
America is over. Over.

You want this n*gga to sh*t

in the same place
William Taft shat?

And his big wife, she don't need
to be in the White House.

She should be in the WNBA
sh**ting foul sh*ts.

Ah. You want my brick,
you gonna have to pry it

from my cold dead hands,
Mr. Obama Hussein.

n*gga down!

NARRATOR:
What is wrong with letting

people be happy?

Can too much hope
possibly be a bad thing?

Hope is irrational.

In Bavaria, we have a saying:

It means, "This is the most depressing f*cking kid

I've ever met in my life."

I sit down once again with Thugnificent,

who appears to have undergone a political awakening

since our last conversation.

So you know
who Obama is now?

Oh, no, I knew
who the n*gga was.

I was just joking.
You were not joking.

You jumped on the Obama
celebrity bandwagon

because it will give you
much needed exposure.

No, see. It ain't even got
nothing to do with that.

You know what I'm saying?

I started looking into his
political positions and his--

And his policies
and views and whatnot.

What policies?
I heard the n*gga speak,

and he was talking
about changing some sh*t

or hoping for some sh*t,
and I thought: "Yeah."

I mean, all the n*gga's
asking for is hope.

You can sit on your ass
all day and hope.

If you too lazy to hope
you a lazy m*therf*cker,

that's all I know.

I'm voting for Obama

because he's gonna
lower my taxes.

NARRATOR:
Actually, he has promised

to raise taxes
at your income level.

Huh?

And he's just
really, really fit...

to lead.
And also body fit too.

Well, I also support Obama

because he's against
corporate bailouts.

That is also not true.
Huh?

I'm supporting Obama
because he black.

And he's gonna get the troops
out of Afghanistan, right?

Also wrong.

Then what the f*ck
that n*gga gonna do?

We all need to, you know,
do some sh*t sometimes.

You know what I'm saying?
Some sh*t needs to get done.

And until we do that sh*t,
sh*t ain't gonna change.

So I thought to myself,
"Let's do this sh*t."

And that's when will.i.am
called me

about doing this damn song.

NARRATOR: Thugnificent joins

will.i.am's all-star celebrity tribute to Barack Obama.

Things weren't working right

I said, I wanna fight

And said, yes, we can

I want to ride your nuts

You're the man

WILL.I.AM:

THUGNIFICENT:

Riding, riding

d*ck-riding for the gay

d*ck-riding for Iraq

To ride that d*ck

As it's Barack's

d*ck-riding

NARRATOR: It is finally election night.

Robert Freeman is throwing a party.

Well, it's been
a long, black struggle.

And I felt me and Barack
deserved a party.

NARRATOR: All around I see black faces

beaming with elation.

Yeah, man, I'm gonna be
the next black president.

NARRATOR: It is as though each of them

has been elected president.

Almost each of them.

What's wrong with you?

I thought you'd be
dancing on your tail

with the rest of the circus
chimps. Look at them.

Just as happy
as a pig in sh*t.

Can't they see?

Can't they see
what this n*gga's gonna do

to our great country?

Looks like we the only
two people with sense

in this whole room.

Just you and me.
Just you and me.

GRANDDAD:
Ruckus, shut up

and get back to work.

And grab some more champagne.

See? n*gg*s already
getting uppity.

So I'm thinking
that this gonna be my new look.

Oh. That's a way to go.

I mean, I feel like
it's more grown-up.

Like, having
tighter clothes

is gonna make people
take me more seriously.

It's really gonna happen.
It's all gonna be better now.

It's all gonna be better.
Right, honey?

Tom, I'm trying
to watch this.

Yo, yo, yo, I heard
the presidential limo

is gonna be like a crazy
pimped out Cadillac now,

with rims and, like,
machine g*ns and lasers.

Excuse me.

I'd like to propose
a toast.

Now I'd just
like to say

that today is a very
special day for me.

I hope you all are enjoying
the cheese, wine

and freedom I have struggled
so hard to provide tonight.

And because of my pain
and suffering,

the black struggle
is officially over.

No longer can they
keep us down.

No longer can we
be silenced--

Shh! This is it!
Shut up! Shut up!

And now we have the returns

from the West Coast coming in here.

Okay. And so yes, folks, we are calling it.

Barack Hussein Obama will be

the next President of the United States.

MAN: Yes!

Obama! Obama!

Obama!
Yeah, Obama!

For the first time in my life,
I am proud to be an American.

Yeah!

Why, Lord?

ALL:
Obama! Obama!

Obama!

Obama.

NARRATOR: It is days before inauguration,

and Obama Mania is at a fever pitch.

I return to Woodcrest to check on the Freemans.

I don't necessarily think
of myself as a hero.

And when people always
ask me if I want a medal

or a monument or a statue
in my honor, I say,

"No, mm-mm. Mm-mm."

All I want to do
is be there in person,

on that glorious day,

when the first black president
take the oath.

I just want to stand in the
crowd, somewhere in the front,

maybe in the VIP section,
maybe next to Beyoncé.

Are you aware
that some people are paying

as much as $ ,
for VIP inauguration tickets?

Well, I don't think you can put
a price on decades of struggle.

Did you contribute any money
at all to the Obama campaign?

I paid bucks
for this T-shirt.

Did you get that from
the campaign website?

No, I got it from the guy
at the car wash,

but it's still free advertising
when I wear it outside.

A lot of people
see me in this shirt.

I mean, before
we change the world,

we gotta change
ourselves first.

I mean, this is
the new colorless,

flavorless and unscented era.

Like, from now on, I'm calling
all my n*gg*s "Obamas."

And all my b*tches
I'm calling "Michelles."

Think about it.
If you was a bitch, right,

would you rather be called
a "bitch" or "Michelle"?

And what about
b*tches named Michelle?

Man, you making jokes. I'm
trying to uplift my Obamas.

Yes, can you tell
the president-elect

it's Civil Rights legend
Robert Freeman.

F-R-E-E-M-A-N, who struggled
to open the door

for him to be president.
You got all that?

Right. Just tell him
I'm calling again

about those tickets.
Again.

Hey, man,
I got that Obama water.

Change the way
you hydrate, brother.

Yo, little man.
Hey, hey, check it out.

I got commemorative plates,
two for .

How many you need?
I'm cool.

You believe in a few days we're
gonna have a black president?

Aren't you excited,
little man?

Eh.

"Eh"?

What's "eh"
supposed to mean?

Just means "eh."

What the deal man?
What's going on here?

MAN: Yo, what's deal?
I asked this kid

if he was excited about Obama
and he said "eh".

"Eh"? He said "eh"?
Yeah.

What's wrong with you?
You not excited?

Not excited?
Who ain't excited?

This little n*gga.
Why ain't he excited?

You don't like Obama.
You want McCain to win.

I never said that--
Why ain't you like Barack Obama?

He got
a lovely family.

Not according
to this little n*gga.

He got a problem
with a black president.

Boy, what's going on?
What did I tell you

about talking to anybody
about anything?

I didn't say anything.
I ought to kick your ass.

Everybody,
just calm down.

Make a hole, darkies.

Just what the hell
is going on here?

Ruckus?
Oh, no.

This little big-haired
n*gga hates Obama.

And I say good for him.

Leave this little boy alone.

He telling the truth.

Barack Obama
is an evil man.

Hey, everybody,
just calm down.

You heard us.
You say "Yes, we can."

We say,
"No, you can't, n*gga."

MAN:
Oh, hell no!

RUCKUS:
Ow! I can't see!

It's a monkey stampede!

Race w*r!
Somebody get him!

Idiots.
Get in the car quick.

RILEY:
Drive! Drive! Go, Granddad!

NARRATOR: The American press struggles

to comprehend the incident.

To them, Huey is like a calf

that refuses its mother's udder,

choosing instead to drink the bitter waters

of its own making.

Here is the danger of too much hope.

Skeptics are treated like blasphemers,

and indifference becomes equal to hate.

Robert Freeman calls a press conference

to do damage control.

Huey Freeman
is not really my grandson.

I refute, renounce,
and rebuke him.

I hope this incident
in no way affects my request

for VIP inaugural tickets,

and/or slash the inaugural ball
with Beyoncé.

Rosa Parks
is no longer with us,

but I consider myself to be
the next best thing.

In many ways, better.

NARRATOR:
Where is your wife?

She's in, uh, D.C.

There was a problem or
something with the tickets,

so we only had one
and I let her have it.

Are you afraid
your wife will have

lusty sex
with Barack Obama?

What? No!

No. That's impossible.

I didn't ask
if it was possible,

only if you were afraid.

I can't help but notice
you are like a less attractive,

less wealthy, less powerful
version of him.

It is quite understandable
for you to be concerned.

NEWSCASTER: Celebrities, dignitaries

and Civil Rights legends

are arriving in droves for the inauguration of Barack Obama.

Anyone hoping to get tickets at this point, don't bother.

The ship has sailed and you are not on it,

because you are not important.

Hey, Granddad,
this was at the door.

"Office of the president-elect?"

: "Mr. Freeman.

"Please find enclosed two VIP tickets to the inauguration,

"as well as the inaugural ball with Beyoncé,

"as a small token of gratitude for all the sacrifices

"you've made on behalf of me and this great country.

"I look forward to sharing this historic day with you.

Sincerely, President-Elect Barack Obama."

What's going on?
I'm going to the inauguration.

You wanna come?
Yeah, boy!

NARRATOR: And just like that,

virtually foaming at the mouth with unbridled excitement,

Robert and Riley leave for the inauguration.

You are looking at the final mission

of a domestic t*rror1st.

Operation Exodus.

Convinced he has no place in Obama's America,

Huey Freeman decides to leave the country for good.

And he has an unlikely companion.

I was gonna go
to the inauguration

and try to crown Obama with
a brick, but who am I fooling?

My arm just ain't
what it used to be.

Plus, that greasy n*gga
is really fast.

And knowing these
liberal activist judges,

they might actually try
and put me in jail for it.

No, I think...

I think it's time for me
to leave this great country.

Oh, I can't bear to see it run

by an African Muslim
Communist Antichrist.

I just can't.

It's just like when
Nicole Brown Simpson

married that n*gga O.J.
back on February , .

Oh, I knew it was gonna
end badly. I told them.

I told them all.

But nobody wanted to listen

to old Uncle Ruckus
then neither.

I wanna go someplace I'll fit
in, like Norway or Ireland.

HUEY:
What about the Ivory Coast?

Absolutely no Africa!
No way!

All them countries got
n*gga presidents,

which defeats the whole purpose
of leaving this country.

NARRATOR:
How do you feel being teamed up

with your archenemy?

First of all,
we're not a team.

Second of all,
we're not a team.

I've got gas money,
he's got the license.

We're just gonna
drive to Canada

and then go
our separate ways.

You see, Bill, I consider
myself a black leader now,

and that means helping Obama
and doing anything he asks.

Oh, yes, I can hear
your concern

for the state of the world
in that song you did

about stomping people
in the nuts.

Oh, that was the old me.
Everything's different now.

I'm much, much more politically
aware and stuff.

Really? Well, name the three
branches of government then.

The what?
Come on, black leader.

It's fourth grade
Social Studies time.

What are the three branches
of government?

Uh, let's see.

They got the main branch.

Uh...

If you're a black leader,
I'm glad I'm a white man.

MAN:
What a moron.

What's the point of talking
if nobody ever learns?

This is an outrage.
I have my rights.

Oh, them bricks ain't mine.

Ain't that a surprise.

Already taking away

my constitutional right
to bear bricks.

Martial law!
Martial law!

Get your arms off of me.

OBAMA: We remain a young nation,

but in the words of Scripture,

the time has come to set aside childish things.

The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit,

to choose our part in history.

No! Please!
I have VIP tickets!

We all got VIP tickets!

Hey.
Get your hands off me.

All right,
you in trouble now.

I'm calling my n*gga Obeezy.

Please don't Tase me.
Don't Tase me, bro.

I'm a old man.
I got a heart condition.

You can't do this to me!
I'm a Civil Rights legend!

Save us, Obama!

NARRATOR: Huey Freeman is forced

to abort Operation Exodus

because he cannot get a ride.

Barack Obama?

I just found out that fool
is gonna raise my taxes.

His promises are just
like his tickets: worthless.

Good thing I didn't vote
for his lying ass.

Obama ain't no real n*gga.

And check this out:

I heard he works
for the feds.

That ain't a good look,
Barack.

Washington
was indescribable.

It was just so amazing.

And I got to meet him.
NARRATOR: Was he everything

you dreamed he would be?

Oh, yes, he was.

And so much more.

Oh, yeah, I'm still down
for the cause and sh*t,

but I'm like, hey, I did my
part, you know what I'm saying?

I got the n*gga elected.

Time to get back to work,
feel me?

Doing what Thugnificent do.
Besides, them tight-ass clothes

was cutting off
my circulation.

Due to the conditions
of my parole,

I am unable to leave
the country at this time.

I am forced to remain here and
express my extreme displeasure

while in no way threatening

the life of the president
and his beautiful monkey family.

NARRATOR: I ask Huey Freeman

if he has any final thoughts

he'd like to share.

Yeah. I'm retired.