04x07 - Freedomland

[bunniefuu]

Huey: Ever since granddad sold
his soul to Eddie Wuncler,

he's spent most of his days

sitting on the couch watching TV.

What was once a productive senior citizen

was now reduced to a couch potato.

Granddad: [Yawns]

Well, if you got to be broke, at
least there's TV to make it better.

What's on, Riley?

Riley: Man, all these channels,
and there ain't nothing on.

Wait... there's "The Rickey Smiley Show."

Granddad: Nope.

Let's extrapolate that there...

- Red...
- Bitch!

Granddad: What's that?

Riley: "Basketball Wives."

Even though ain't none of them
really wives except Malaysia.

Should just call it "Basketball Jumpoffs."

Granddad: Ooooh. Oh, man, look at them go!

All that butt and weave and sweat.

How come I've never seen this before?

Huey: Is this how you're
gonna go out, granddad?

Eating junk food and watching junk TV?

Riley: Pretty much. I mean, wasn't
like he was gonna be in the NBA.

So if he happy lookin' at hoes
he can't bag, leave him be.

Granddad: Look at the breasts...
The butts... whoo!

Granddad and Riley: Hey!

Huey: Can't you see
this is what the % wants?

For us to become slackers that
zone out on TV and eat cheap food?

Riley: What you got against cheap food?

Cheap food tastes good, and it's cheap.

Huey: Yeah, and it'll k*ll you.

Riley: Until they make a salad
that tastes like ribs, I'ma do me.

Huey: Can't you see, granddad?

They dull our minds with
poisonous food and mindless TV,

then while we're fat and
sick, they're getting rich.

Riley: Who is "they"? I don't
see nobody but you, n*gga.

Huey: The wealthy ruling class in America.

[Doorbell rings]

- Riley: Hey!
- Huey: Who is that?

Riley: Pizza guy.

Huey: Wrong address.

Granddad and Riley: [Groan]

Riley: n*gga, I'm hungry.

Granddad: Yeah! That was a
"Two For Tuesday" special.

Two pizzas with cheesy
crust and cheesy box for $.

[Doorbell rings]

Riley: Aw, yeah! He's back!

- Huey: No!
- Riley: I want my cheese!

Huey: No, you need to be... playing outside.

[Knock on door]

Granddad: Huey, I don't care what you say.

I'm gonna eat my pizza

and watch my "Basketball Wives" and scratch!

[Groans]

Ruckus: Mm. Ah, hello, Robert.

A nice white delivery man
gave me a pizza for a dollar.

Probably got scared once he
learned n*gg*s live around here

and didn't want to die senselessly.

Granddad: What do you want, Ruckus?

Nobody got time for your foolishness.

Ruckus: Mr. Wuncler the
Second sent me over here.

Said he wants to see you
in his office immediately.

- Huey: What's Eddie want with us now?
- Riley: Sucker!

Ruckus: Oh, there
you n*gg*s go with that,

"oh, what he want now? What he want now?"

Lucky the white man want to
talk to you broke n*gg*s at all.

White man brings you
nothing but opportunity.

You should want to talk
to him hours a day.

Granddad: Well, you can go tell junior

if he wants to talk to us,

he can bring his ass over
here just like you did.

Ruckus: Well, ain't that the
pot calling the n*gga black.

I guess you forgot Mr. Wuncler
owns your asses.

Which is akin to owning the air in a balloon

'cause you n*gg*s ain't worth sh*t.

Granddad: I ain't going nowhere.

Ruckus: Well, Robert, as much
as it pains me to do this...

Aah! Ow! Nig... ga!

Granddad: Now, where was I?

Huey: You know, it's only a matter
of time before you have to see Eddie.

Granddad: Boy, please. I'm my own man.

I don't move until I'm ready.

Thank you, fellas,
for waiting till I was ready.

Riley: This is some bullshit.

How they just gonna come up into our house

and make us do what we don't want to do?

Robert [Bleep] Freeman.

Granddad: Eddie, what the
hell do you call yourself

rushing up in my house and
forcing me to come here?

I don't want y'all
laying around the house

getting chunky and whatnot,

so I figured a job in the fresh air
would do you gentlemen good.

Huey: You figured out another
way to use us to make money.

Yep. Smart kid.

I opened a living-history theme park.

Riley: Boring.

Brings the th century to life.

Huey: You're forcing
black people to re-enact

the most painful period in our history?

But with cotton candy
and a merry-go-round!

And come on, Huey, not just black people.

I'm progressive enough to force all
races to re-enact your painful history

if they owe me money.

Even Jews! Isn't it wonderful?

Yowza! Yowza!

Come one, come all! Welcome to freedomland!

[Laughing] Oh, mammy!

Granddad: What kind of job is this?
We're dressed like slaves!

Huey: We are slaves, granddad.

Riley: This is some bullshit!

My feet hurt! One of y'all
take me home right now!

Tom: I think it's great!

All this fresh air and sunshine,
and who needs shoes?!

My toes like to be free.

Granddad: Why are you here anyway?

Tom: Well, I heard there were
positions open in Freedomland,

and I'm sort of a history buff,
if I may say so myself.

So I applied!

Riley: Who applies to be a sl*ve?

Oh, man, my feet hurt so bad.

Tom: Oh, toughen up, Riley.

This is a great opportunity to go back
to a noble time for black Americans...

when we overcame obstacles
and struggled to be

the free, fully realized
human beings we are.

God bless America!

Huey: Yeah. We need
to burn this place down.

[Whip cracks]

Ruckus:
You've got that right, Tom.

God bless America.

[Clears throat]

Welcome to freedomland, you lazy bastards.

This here is your orientation.

Huey: Ruckus, are you trying to tell us

that we're supposed to act like
slaves and be cool with it?

Really?

Ruckus: That is correct.

Here you will learn to look down
when a rich white man is coming,

buck dance if you hear
anything resembling a tune,

and denounce any feelings that resemble
self-esteem and/or self-worth.

Huey: Not on your life, Ruckus.

Riley: Yeah, we ain't going for this sh*t.

First rich white man I see,
I'm telling him to suck...

Ruckus: [Grunts]

Riley: I ain't saying sh*t.

You can call me Toby, Obama, Cleveland...

Ruckus: [Laughs] That's
right, n*gga. That is right.

Now, there will be a short
boot camp to make sure

you n*gg*s are limber and don't
have a massive heart att*ck

which will make our rich patrons feel bad

for not voting for universal healthcare.

Granddad: Ruckus, you must be
out of your damn mind! Aah!

Ruckus: Boy, the sound of
that whip sure is sweet.

It's like Jesus gently snapping his fingers.

Now, Robert and Tom, you
have good white-man names,

so we will leave your names be.

But you two little n*gg*s, oh,

you have aggressive names and as such,

they will be changed!

Huey, you are now "n*gga
One" or "One" for short.

Riley, your name is "n*gga
Two" or "Two" for short.

Two, tote that bale of hay to my horse,

who I have affectionately named "n*gg*r."

Even though he is white,
he has wide nostrils.

Riley: Old n*gg*r gonna die today
'cause he ain't gettin' Jack.

Tom: Ruckus, this is inhumane!

Ruckus: Who the hell said that n*gg*s
was human in the first place?

One, get n*gg*r some carrots!

Uh-oh. One, is you defying me, boy?

Granddad: Huey, you better listen to this
fool before he hits you with that whip.

Huey: Granddad, I'm nobody's
property, and neither are you.

Ruckus: Don't you remember when he
signed his freedom away to Mr. Eddie?

sh**t, you n*gg*s should be grateful you
not working at sub-saharan food bank land.

Tom!

Tom: Yes, Ruckus?

Ruckus: From now on, my name is not Ruckus.

It is boss!

- [Grunts]
- Tom: [Screams]

Ruckus: You tough, huh?

Well, we got ways of dealing with your type.

Huey: In modern America,
who would believe

people would want to be
entertained by slaves?

On your marks, get set... kick!

Huey: But we were all under Eddie's thumb.

Faced with the thr*at of losing everything,

people will do things they aren't proud of.

[Violin
music plays]

Granddad: Welcome to Freedomland!

We be a happy clan!

Singing and dancing the day away!

Ruckus: Hey, rich, mostly white chillin,

make some noise if your
nanny speaks Spanish!

[Audience cheers]

Oh, I can't hear you.

[Audience cheers loudly]

I hope everybody enjoyed the
"Welfare Queen For A Day" exhibit.

And we got real meth-and-cr*ck-addicted
kids at the gift shop.

Use them as your servants.
We don't give a [Bleep].

See the concierge on your way out.

Well, old Uncle Ruckus here
has a special surprise for you.

Today, we are debuting a
special interactive game!

[Audience cheers]

Does everybody enjoy waterboarding?

[Audience cheers]

I know it's not th century,
but it's just so much fun.

Huey: In order to keep ruckus' whip off
my grandad's back,

even I was forced to cooperate.

It was a very long day.

Ruckus: Pay no attention to
the balloon. It won't inflate.

That's just to give the game a sense of fun.

Now, if you will all reach under your
chairs, you'll find water cannons.

- Got it!
- Aw, yeah!

Both: Huh?

Ruckus: Ready, aim, sh**t!

Huey: [Coughing]

Granddad: That's enough!
Our sl*ve shift is over!

If you kids don't put those g*ns down,

I'm gonna whip your rich and narrow behinds!

Huey: [Sighs]

Granddad: Huey, you all right?

Huey: I won't do this again.

Granddad: You're not gonna
have to. Let's go home.

Riley: Why you not carrying me,
granddad? My feet still hurt.

Granddad: Hush up!

Granddad and Tom: Huh?

Ruckus: Where you n*gg*s think y'all going?

Granddad: We goin' home, Ruckus.
The park is closed.

Ruckus: Home? You n*gg*s
don't get it, do ya?

This is your home.

[Laughs]

Oh, no, seriously, you n*gg*s live here now.

Huey: In retrospect, none of
us should have been surprised.

For decades, people allowed the
middle class to wither and die.

Ruckus: Yes. Welcome home, n*gg*s.

Granddad: Ruckus, this is insane!

You can't keep us here!

Ruckus: Well, looks to me like I can
do whatever I want to, sl*ve.

Oh, "sl*ve." Mm, that
tastes good in my mouth.

What a joyous feeling it
is just to say that word.

It's like saying "love" or "reaganomics."

Tom: People don't actually
live here, do they?

Ruckus: People? No. Wuncler's slaves, yes.

Oh, it's not as bad as, say,
them sl*ve castles in Senegal.

This is more like an NFL training camp.

See them slaves over there?

Oh, look at they forearms
and legs just gettin' strong!

Yes, this is good for the body and the soul.

Tom: Uh... how can that be good?

Ruckus: Well, that cotton is organic.

[Harmonica music plays]

, , . , , .

Riley: What the hell?

Ruckus: Oh, the massa loves tap dancing.

He says the tippity-tap of
n*gga feets is so meditative.

Tom: Ruckus, I hate to break
my amusement-park character

and this fantasy space-time continuum,

but there are documents
called "The Constitution"

and "The Emancipation Proclamation,"

and they specifically forbid
keeping us here against our will.

Ruckus: Yeah, you may
have a point there, Tom.

I could let you go...

Or...

Tom: [Grunts]

Huey: The only way we gonna
get our freedom is to take it.

Riley: How we supposed to do that?

Huey: By any means necessary.

Riley: I ain't trying to die.

Huey: Well, this isn't
exactly living, is it?

Remember this when you get
home and you want to watch TV

and eat junk food and let the
machine make all your decisions.

Riley: Damn, ain't I punished enough?

First I got to be a sl*ve,

now you sayin' it's my fault.

Tom: This is all your fault, Freemans!

I pay my mortgage on time!
I earned my freedom!

Granddad: Tom, stop griping.

You got connections on the outside.

You can call one of your legal
friends and get your ass out!

Tom: Call?! Did you say "call?!"

Oh, I'm sorry! In case you didn't notice,

massa didn't provide me with a phone!

[Sighs]

Sorry. What I meant was
we're in this together.

I won't be free until we're all free!

Ruckus: Tom, Sarah bought
your freedom. You can go.

Tom: Well, guys, it's been real.

Granddad: [Sobs]

Ruckus, you've done some stupid
sh*t, but come on, this is insane!

We are friends!

Ruckus: "Friends"? Ain't no friends
when it comes to sl*very...

real or make believe.

Now, since I was cursed with revitiligo
and born in the th century,

I never got my chance to experience

the beauty and magical
nature known as sl*very.

Finally, I get my chance to show
massa I'm not like them field n*gg*s.

I got his back!

Oh, oh, oh, and don't get no crazy ideas

about writing letters to
Abraham Lincoln looking for help.

Any sl*ve I catch reading or
writing will be sh*t immediately!

Good night.

No, I'm serious, I will sh**t you.

Pray to your new true God, white Jesus.

That'll make it all better.
Okay, sleep tight.

Riley: Damn. Huey, I'm ready
to bust up out of here, man.

I know you got a plan.

You always got a
plan.

Please tell me you got a plan.

Huey: I do, but it won't be easy.

We may not make it out alive,

but if a man doesn't have
something worth dying for,

what's the point of living?

Riley: Hold up. Your plan
ends with us living, right?

- Huey: Yeah.
- Riley: Good,

'cause I was about to tell you
that you on your own if it didn't.

What's the plan?

Huey: It was going to be risky.

People who had trusted the system
to have their best interest

were now forced to rely
on their own wits and courage.

[Cries] I'm scared!

Huey: Shh!

Riley: Yeah, we already slaves.
Don't be a bitch, too.

Granddad: Man, I told
you this was a bad idea.

Huey: Every gain in U.S. history

has been because oppressed
people weren't afraid to fight.

If we don't fight, we're saying it's
okay for them to own everything...

- I heard that!
- Huey: Our self worth,

our minds, and I'm not giving up my
freedom to anybody for any price.

Riley: Me neither! That's what's up.

Yeah, come on, guys!
That annoying kid has a point.

Let's revolt this bitch!

[All cheer]

Granddad: I agree!

Greetings, shareholders.

Freedomland hath paid handsome dividends.

I gathered you together as it
would give me great umbrage

if any fellows objected to
us thusly branching out.

Can you [Bleep] not talk like that?

I'm with Jim. It makes the meetings go long,

and my Tyler's got soccer tonight.

[Groans]

Let's expand this Freedomland thing.

It's a damn cash cow!

[Applause]

But we have some minor obstacles.

Word's come down there
are some staffer slaves

who don't see the fun in Freedomland.

m*rder 'em!

Eh, remember we tried that
at the Indian section.

That's why we had to go to court and
build that damn "Trail Of Tears" casino.

He's right. We don't need litigation.

We need something that makes us look good,

entertains the masses,
and keeps them working.

Sounds like you're talking
pre-emptive settlement.

Exactly.

Hmm, let's see... how 'bout, uh...

A month's supply of overly branded clothing?

Huey: No.

- Your pick of our obese women?
- Huey: No.

Work with me here. Come on.

I'm trying to come to an honest agreement
for all your people's hard work.

Okay. acres and a mule? Come on, now.

acres... that's a lot of land!

Huey: You and I both
know we'll never see it.

Ruckus: Mr. wuncler, sir,

now, I know you simply wanted me
to bring him here to this meeting,

but just whistle, and I will
be on him like white on rice!

- Huey: Not for long.
- Defiant. I likes.

But perhaps your ill feelings are
misplaced, little angry afro boy?

Your grandfather? All these other folks?

Already slaves in debt to me

before they became slaves here.

I'm just trying to help.

And hey, your scowl... not helping.

Huey: How can you live with yourself?

How much money does it take for
someone to lose their conscience?

No guilt, no shame. Just greed.

Damn. You're a downer.

You should try transcendental
meditation or...

Anyway, look, stop being
all "freedom fighter"

and I'll give your grandfather
a nice cushy job.

You know, one where he has no real power,

but your people are happy

because he has a nice office
and gets CNN sound bites.

Huey: I'm gonna have to pass.

What good is it for a man
to gain the whole world,

yet lose his soul?

Ruckus!

Ruckus: How dare you go
darkening Mr. wuncler's thoughts

with your n*gga logic! Aw, sh*t.

Ruckus: Uh, did you want the door open?

All: ♪Mm-hmm. Lord, lord ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

Hey, why we clapping?

Somebody ever
gonna talk? It's gettin' cold.

Hey, what movie this remind you of?

Granddad: If I may die by
the r*fle or the musket,

I want everybody to know it was
sweet Jesus I was doing it for!

Uh-huh.

Praise God!

Tell it, brother! Yeah!

Riley: Well, I really
don't know none of y'all,

and since most of y'all haven't
washed, you smell like ass.

That is true. I smell assy.

The aroma of ass, if you will.

Riley: But I guess all I
really want to say is...

This sh*t is [Bleep] up,
and I'm ready to do this!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Aw, yeah, little man!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ruckus: Step right up.

Step right up and take your chance

to break the angry n*gg*r
that cannot be broken!

[Audience cheers]

Okay, okay. Simmer down. Simmer down.

There'll be enough for everybody.

This n*gga ain't givin' in.

So it's another step up
the humiliation ladder...

Tar and feathering!

[Audience gasps]

Hold it. I got a better idea.

Let me have him.

The folks here want historical accuracy.

I'm gonna give it to them.

[Audience gasps]

Ruckus:
[Laughs] Oh, that is good.

Cut off that sl*ve's foot
and he ain't goin' nowhere.

Mr. wuncler, you is pure genius.

[Grunts] [Audience gasps]

[Groans]

Granddad: Out of my way, punk.

[Whistles]

[Groans]

Huh?

[Distant shouting]

Ruckus: Huh?

The lower class! The lower class are here!

Granddad: I've done my part! Yeah, boy!

[Shouting continues]

Uhhh...

- Get back!
- Get back where you belong!

Riley: [Grunts]

All right, we got you now.

Ruckus: Mr. Wuncler, this is worse
than "The Planet Of The Apes."

Get me out of here, Ruckus.

Ruckus: Watch your step, Mr. Wuncler.

Watch your step!

There you go. There you go.

Gentle, baby steps.

Huey: For the moment, the little guy won.

But for how long?

How long before those
at the top figure out another way

to try to make a buck off
of those at the bottom?

Or maybe, just maybe those at the bottom

will realize that some
of the people they trust

may not have their best interests at heart.

Granddad: Hey, how 'bout my whistle?

Huey: You did great, granddad.

Granddad: Okay, boys, let's go home.

Ruckus: Boy, you n*gg*s just don't
know a good thing when you see it.

Here Mr. Wuncler, out of
the goodness of his heart

was gonna give you free
housing, food, a job...

everything a n*gga could want.

Tell me, you ungrateful bastard,

what could ever be greater than Freedomland?

Huey: Freedom.