05x10 - Fool's Paradise

[bunniefuu]

♪ Unh, draped up in free clothes ♪

♪ Leave the worries at the crib,
we don't need those ♪

♪ Love the weed talk, we got three rolled ♪

♪ Uber through the city 'cause
you know that we throwed ♪

♪ Skrrt, skrrt, I'm back to beast mode ♪

♪ Never beep, beep,
green light, we keep going ♪

♪ The feelings on your mind, keep showing ♪

♪ Just enjoy the flight ♪

No need to adjust your screens.

It is, in fact, me, the superior Johnson.

That's right. I'm back, b*tches.

- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- Ooh.

And, of course, me and Aaron are
b*ating the long-distance curse.

Everyone said it was impossible,
but we're still making it work.

In fact, when my silk importer quit,

it was Aaron who suggested I
look for new textile companies.

And you know what? He had a point.

So here I am at SFO on my way to Tokyo.

And as you can imagine,
this is very exciting.

Next customer, please.

Yes! Um, hi.

I'm on this next flight.
Is it possible to upgrade?

I can actually use my parents'
miles if it's easier.

Ma'am, your flight's been delayed

due to inclement weather.

[KEYS CLACKING]

This cannot be happening.

Alright, uh, and how long is the delay?

I'm connecting in Hawaii to Tokyo.

Hold on. Let me check.

AARON: I'm just trying to get to Seattle,

and I'm three-quarters of the way there.

It's your fault, man.

Is there a manager I can talk to?

I know you got the juice.
Air of superiority,

defiant statements, sexy-as-hell baritone.

It's not possible. She's
not saying anything, guys.

Might as well pack your bags
up and go home...

- Could it be?
- ...'cause the flights are delayed.

[GASPS]

Ah!

- Aaron!
- What?

Hi.

You got to be kidding me.

On, my goodness.

See, this is why they say
your underwear and bra

should always match,

because your girl might
get laid over her layover.

[GRUNTS]

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

I can't believe that you're here.

This is crazy. I mean,
you're on your way to Tokyo...

Yeah, you're off to Seattle.

Yep, for Metaverse's corporate
responsibility and diversity panel.

Right, the one Jemele Hill is moderating.

- That's the one.
- Okay.

Yep. Thank you so much, ma'am, for nothing.

- Oh.
- Appreciate you.

- What'd she do?
- Sorry. Let's not talk about that.

But, hey, they're paying for my flight.

- Mm-hmm.
- They're gonna pay for the hotel.

Starting to feel like
a pretty cushy side hustle.

Nice. Look at my man cashing out
on corporate white guilt.

- I love to see it.
- Thank you.

But they really couldn't spring

for a direct flight from LAX to Seattle?

Oh, no, they did, but we had to
make an emergency landing.

Apparently, the guy vaping
in the airplane bathroom

was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Well, you know my flight's delayed

for at least a couple hours, so...

Oh, really?

Mine, too.

Does that mean that
I am stuck at the airport

with my favorite person?

I wouldn't say stuck. I'd say we're winning.

- Let's live it up.
- [CHUCKLES]

What's all that? Airplane Bucks.

So, if you complain enough to the airline,

they'll shut you up with, uh, coupons

to the worst airport shopping in America.

The only question is, how do we spend it?

Stupidly.

I got it. I like the way you think.

♪ La-la-la la-la la-la la ♪

♪ La-la-la la-la ♪

♪ Shimmy shake what you got, I like that ♪

♪ Sticky-icky bubble gum, I like that ♪

♪ I like that, I like that ♪

♪ La-la-la la-la la-la la ♪

- ♪ La-la-la la-la ♪
- ♪ I like that ♪

♪ La-la-la la-la la-la la ♪

♪ Three, two, one, go ♪

♪ I got style, I got drip, drip-drip ♪

♪ You fall off, I cr*ck the whip ♪

♪ You know my name, it's on your lips ♪

♪ You can't resist, you can't resist ♪

- ♪ I like that ♪
- ♪ La-la-la la-la la-la la ♪

♪ Three, two, one, go ♪

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

[ZOEY LAUGHS]

AARON: Cheers.

Okay, when did we become the kind of couple

that does little toasts to each other?

Since tonight. Well, at least, I am.

'Cause I need to make a toast
to the most beautiful,

most amazing woman I've ever met.

Zoey Johnson, I missed you.

I'm so glad you missed me,

because I have really missed you.

Yeah.

TREY: You guys delayed, too?

Yeah. You?

Our flight's been pushed back three times.

That sucks. Sorry about that.

So, where are you guys off to?

Uh, Paris, actually.

- Paris. Paris. Pair-ee.
- Yeah.

Followed by Italy and Dubai.

Now, that's a vacation.

Oh. Vacation? I wish it was a vacation.

It's for work, because my guy here,

Chancellor Jackson,
is an international lecturer

and a New York Times best-selling author.

Who knew?

So we're off on his press tour.

Yep. But let's not forget
your half of the trip, honey.

Mine? So, right after Dubai,

we are going to go straight
to Milan for a fashion show.

You see, Zoey...

Zoey McCartney, she has
a very exciting fashion line.

Yeah, an international fashion line.

Yeah, I'm sure you guys
have heard of it... Le Muse.

That's her. Yeah.
Now, she hates when I brag.

But, I mean, her work
is literally everywhere.

- I saw a few people...
- Honey, no, now that you mention it,

I think I have a pair of Le Muse shoes.

- Oh.
- See? Look at that.

- Wow.
- Small world.

ANNOUNCER: Now boarding Chicago Flight .

- Uh, honey, that's us.
- Mm.

Finally.

Well, good luck on all your travels.

Thank you. You too.

And better get me a pair of Le Muse shoes.

[LAUGHS]

That was funny. You're funny.

What was that about? Best-selling author?

Yeah, but where's the lie?

I am just speaking the future
into existence,

- because it's happening.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay. Okay. I see.

This whole thing, this whole day,

it feels like it was
supposed to happen, like fate.

Well, call it fate or failure
of the airline industry.

I am just happy that you're here.

I'm happy to be here.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES, BUZZES]

Oh.

One second, one second.

Uh...

Ah. Um...

my flight actually boards
in the next minutes.

But I love you, and this has been fun.

I love you, too. Um...

So I should...

Wait. Wait. Just one second.

Um...

Crazy idea.

Why don't you change your flight?

- Aaron, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

Like, just... just don't go.
Change your flight.

I'll change mine, too. Stay the night.

I know it's crazy, but hear me out.

Look, what are the odds

that we randomly run into
each other in an airport?

You yourself said it was fate, right?

- That's what you said.
- Yeah.

And you can't walk away from fate, can you?

I mean, it's like slapping God in the face.

Damn, he's good.

You, me, San Francisco, one night.

Come on. What do you say?

Please say yes. Say yes.

Okay. Okay. I'll do it.

Okay, yes. I'll do it. Oh!

But where are we gonna go?

Well, you leave that to me,
Miss Zoey McCartney,

because I have a plan.

This way. Oh. Okay.

ZOEY: So the fluke storm
brought me and Aaron together,

but then thanks to my guy

telling the Four Seasons
that we're basically VIPs,

got us out of the airport and
into the Presidential Suite.

Okay, this is sick... a room with a view,

champagne bottles to pop,

a personal butler for in-room dining,

a fireplace to get things hot,

and a very inspirational king-size bed.

Holy sh*t!

Now, this is living.

Man, Anna Delvey's got nothing on us.

Um, Chancellor McCartney,
shall we be retiring?

Uh, we shall. We shall be retiring, yes.

Feeling a little... Namaste.

Thank you. Thank you.

What the... Ah!

♪♪

Hi, there, handsome.

Wow, you, uh... you look amazing.

Thank you.

And you also clean up
really nicely yourself,

Chancellor McCartney.

Ahh.

Thank you for changing your flight.

Well, honestly,
there's no place I'd rather be.

Tokyo can wait.

You know, I don't tell you enough,

but I am so proud of you, and...

- Honest?
- Yeah.

I mean, look at you. You're k*lling it.

And you look good while doing it.

- Really?
- Yes.

You really feel that way?

Yeah.

Well, thank you, baby.

Mm. I love you.

♪♪

Pardon me.

Sir and madame, uh, dinner is ready.

Thank you. Okay.

It comes with the room.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah.

SERVER: Chef Jacquis has a wonderful dinner

prepared for you tonight.

I hope it is to your complete satisfaction.

- Thank you. Oh.
- Wait, let me get that for you.

- Thank you, darling.
- There you go.

And scooch. One, two.

There it is. Yep, okay. Nice and close.

Okay, well, that is good news,
'cause we're foodies, you know?

So, we can't wait to see what
the chef is gonna throw down.

- Foodies? Wow, really?
- Mm-hmm.

From the man whose
favorite chef is Boyardee?

He's a legend, honey.
We've had this debate.

- Yeah.
- Can I interest you in a bottle of wine?

Of course.

You know what? This is easy.

Vin Mariani port looks excellent.

Let's just do your best bottle
of that and we'll call it a night.

You sure?

Maybe a little later, 'cause,
honey, that's a dessert wine,

so we'll have it for dessert.

Could I see the menu?

Wine is wine. It's grapes.

Pouvez-vous recommander
votre milleur Sauvignon Blanc?

Bien sur, mademoiselle,

pourrais-je recommander
Château Bernos-Beaulac.

Ah. Parfait.

No parfait for me, though, sir. Sorry.

Because I'm lactose intolerant.

- Yes.
- Okay.

- No parfait for him. Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

It's that funny, huh?

You know, I love being
laughed at en Française.

It's one of my favorite
activities to do, actually.

That?

Well, you know, I-I learned
Spanish for two years,

so maybe next time we visit a taco truck,

I'll be sure to throw in some shady Español.

How's that sound?

Are you kidding? That wasn't even about you.

- What was it about?
- No...

I was ordering wine.

Do not be so sensitive.

You cried when you missed the Ivy Park drop.
Do you remember that?

There's no reason
to bring Beyoncé into this.

Voilà. You're just on time.

This is the bottle I wanted.
"Vin Shat-e-oh Bernose Benack."

My favorite wine.

- [WINE POURING]
- Merci.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

And then Dan just ripped the sleeves off

two minutes before the girls
were supposed to walk.

Oh, wow. Uh, who's Dan again?

Dan Belagio.

He is the fashion director for
Niche until Scarlett comes back.

Dan Belagio.

Belagio Hotels? That's him?

- No.
- Different Dan?

- Mm-hmm.
- Got it.

Okay. And who is, uh, Scarlett?

Honey, I-I told you.

I know. I just need you to refresh it.

Yeah. Of course.

So, Niche is doing
a collaboration with Anti-Muse,

and Scarlett is the one
who made that happen.

You actually went to a Niche party with me

when you were in New York.

Uh, it was the whole carnival
vibes with clowns in couture.

That I remember.

Was it the sexy clowns or the scary clowns?

- Scary clowns.
- Okay. Now I'm caught up.

And next we have
a six-minute Chilean sea bass

in a balsamic reduction
on a bed of citrus micro-greens.

Hey, six minutes.

See, honey, you could learn
something from this sea bass.

She thinks time is a suggestion.

[LAUGHS]

Right?

- What was that?
- I don't know what that was.

He just walked away on a great joke.

No, Aaron, it seems like there's something

you want to get off your chest.

Oh, Zoey, come on.

I don't think it's a secret

that you think the world
runs on Zoey time.

Zoey time?

You know, like when you say
you're gonna call me back

but don't text me until the next day.

Right. You really wanna ruin this moment?

No. You know, I'm... I'm sorry.

You're right. I'm wrong.
Let's just... Let's move on.

Yeah, let's just enjoy this free
market-priced Chilean sea bass

before it gets cold.

Don't forget the micro-beans.

Greens.

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪♪

So, yeah, Aaron and I have had
a little friction over dinner,

but it's not too late to turn things around,

save this magical night,

make it one we tell our grandkids about.

Or I could choose to bring up

the one teeny thing
that's still bothering me.

Why do I always choose v*olence?

Listen, I don't want to make this a thing...

- And here we go.
- No.

I don't... I don't run on "Zoey time."

Zoey, babe, it was a joke, okay?

One that apparently you
couldn't take, which is fine.

I just... I won't do it again. Noted.

Aaron, I changed my flight.

I was there the first day for
your first day as a professor.

Yeah, I get Zoey time
was a thing in the past,

but you hear how much I have going on.

So if it takes me a minute
to respond to a text,

just give me some slack.

Seriously? I am teaching this semester.

I'm helping four students on their theses,

and I have quarterly speaking engagements,

and I'm still making time for us.

You're right. You're right.

You are so much better
at time management than me.

Congratulations.

I'm glad you got that right. You know what?

You should keep clapping, 'cause
it's the first positive thing

I've heard from you in months.

- Are you kidding?
- I'm not.

Okay, so this is all about
validating Aaron's feelings again and again.

- What's wrong with validating my feelings?
- I get it. You know what?

Why don't you take a video of me clapping
so you can run it on a loop?

- Just drop it. Just drop it.
- Congrats.

No, I'm actually not dropping it,

because I've been busting my ass,

and I'm basically a unicorn
in the fashion industry,

but, you know, out there on the balcony,

first time my boyfriend's
gassed me up in forever.

But silly me, I thought
if there was gonna be one person

who would be in my corner,
that'd cut me some slack,

it would be you, but I guess
that's too much to ask.

So...

And the pièce de résistance...

Omelette norvégienne, or the Baked Alaska,

for the lovely couple.

I've lost my appetite.

♪♪

[DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

So our perfect night was going left.

Now, the old me would
do anything to win a fight,

but I'm not the old me.

Growing up means knowing when
to let the little things go,

especially for the people you love the most,

and how could I not love this man?

- Hey.
- Hi.

I'm sorry I got mad at you.

I'm just frustrated, you know?

We don't get to see each other often, and...

long distance sucks.

Yeah.

Long distance sucks for me, too,

and I realized when I moved to New York,

I didn't plan on how we were
gonna do this successfully.

Which is just so dumb of me,

because I'm really good at planning things.

Which is why I feel like...

Sometimes feel like
you're leaving me behind.

Whoa, whoa. Hey.

I'm not.

I wouldn't.

Aaron, I promise I can make this work.

I promise. I promise.

Okay.

♪ And, girl, don't you cry ♪

I promise, too.

Thank you.

♪ I love you ♪

- ♪ And that's no lie ♪
- Okay?

♪ No need to cry ♪

♪ No need to sigh ♪

♪ Can't you see, girl? ♪

♪ I offer you my life ♪

♪ And I'll be with you ♪

♪ Night or day ♪

♪ Every step ♪

You know, I actually... I have an idea.

- What?
- I have an idea.

Um, how about we write out a list

of expectations we have of each other

to be great long-distance partners?

- Okay.
- Yeah?

I like that. I can get down with that.

Mm-hmm.

Let's, uh, start with
no teaming up with waiters

to make fun of your partner.

Number one, no teaming...

It doesn't seem long-distance
related, but sure.

- You can date on Zoom.
- Okay.

And two... no responding
to texts with just emojis.

- Okay.
- Actual words, please.

I like that one. Thumbs-up emoji to that.

- Okay.
- [LAUGHS]

Okay, number three...

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

Yes, hello?

Alright. Thank you.

Bye.

Hmm?

Shuttle will be here in minutes.

Yeah? [SIGHS]

So, I guess time's up.

Mnh-mnh.

We got more minutes.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Okay. My gate's this way.

Okay, and mine is...

that way.

Um, look, um, last night was so amazing.

Yes, it was. Felt like it
was just what we needed.

It was. I wish we had
some more time together.

Yeah, me, too, but I got to go, babe.

Yeah, of course.
I hate saying goodbye to you.

So let's not say goodbye.

Let's just say, "I will see you soon."

- Okay.
- Okay?

- I will see you soon.
- See you soon.

- I love you.
- See you soon. I love you.

- I will text you.
- Yep.

And I will text you back with words.

♪♪

Wait.

I didn't get a kiss.

Um... hi.

I just have to... Ooh. I have a ticket.

I just need to see my boyfriend.
He's literally right there.

I'll do that, I'll come back.
That's it. I promise.

Aaron!

Um...

♪♪

These delays have been pretty crazy, huh?

ZOEY: Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just coming through, I'm
coming through, I'm coming through.

Oh. Hi. Hi, baby.

Zoey, honey, what's going on?

What are you doing here?

I wanted to give you a proper goodbye.

PASSENGERS: Aww!

I'll see you soon?

- Okay, yeah, I'll see you soon.
- Okay.

♪ Yeah, yeah, whoo ♪

Oh, my God. Come on.

Don't you believe in love?

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- See?

Love you.

That's my girlfriend, guys. Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: Can I have
your attention, please?

Our flight will be delayed more minutes

due to an issue with a passenger.

[ALL GROAN]

You got to be kidding me. Passengers, man.

No, seriously. They...

People don't know how to behave
on planes these days.

♪ Love me, I'm the love of your life ♪

The romance. The drama.

Sometimes, that's just what you need, right?

To remember why you fell in love
in the first place.

Oh, um, selfie or it didn't happen, right?

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- Smile. Ah.

Looks so good.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Ohh. Time to drain the old snake.

Aaron, in a three-urinal setup,

the middle urinal is normally the buffer.

That is just basic dude etiquette.

Yeah, but then I'd have to shout.

So have you heard from your sister today?

'Cause I haven't, and basically,
I told her that it was...

AARON: Um, hello, I was trying to tell you

your sister and I are communicating,

like full-sentence text
messages, which is good news.

Okay, look, as I was saying,
you probably heard

about our big blowout
in San Francisco last week.

It was bad, man, but then
we made up, and things got hot.

I mean, really hot.
I mean, inappropriate hot.

So we're good, and I'd like
to keep it that way,

so I need your help, alright?

How many texts a day says
that you're a man in love

but not a man obsessed?

Junior, are you there?

I need your help here.

Hey, you know what else
is basic dude etiquette?

Not helping a brother when he's in need.

Just leaving him hanging.

That's what you're doing right now.

This dude's gonna give me
a bladder infection.