01x02 - Hell Week, Part 2

[bunniefuu]

Hello!

Hello!

Help!

- There's something in the cemetery!
- Stay back, Neophyte.

Kyle sent me on a bogus challenge,
to dig up a grave and a monster showed up.

I think it's the beast that's k*lling
all the pledges, it att*cked me and Kyle.

[male voice] Not pledges.

Neophytes, of which you are neither,
because you failed your test.

Tell the truth, Kyle.
We both know you were there.

I know of no one named Kyle.

You know what? f*ck you
and f*ck your bullshit test.

- Do it.
- [Jack] Do what?

Those magic fun bags are useless.
It did nothing

- against that monster.
- I gave you an order.

[whoosh]

[bang]

[sound of crows cawing]

Care to explain?

Put your f*cking mask back on.

Pick him up.

[sound of crows cawing]

[male voice] Wow!

Looks like d*ck face
can't handle his liquor.

[laughs]

[Kyle] Classic.

I deserve another chance.

The chemistry building?
That's on the other side of campus.

Kyle sandbagged me.
He set me up with a fake test.

Yeah, you just wanna take those doors.

Even if you don't think
I deserve another sh*t,

you have to use your magic
and hunt down whatever that beast is.

Be quiet.

What the hell was that thing?

Some kind of a test?

Your so-called "beast" wasn't any test.

- Why are you talking about magic?
- Because I've seen it.

And I'm not talking about your gold coin,

birthday magician,
sleight-of-hand bullshit.

I saw stolen eyes project
a dead woman's final memories.

I followed someone in.

A total idiot.

Kyle.

- He isn't a total idiot.
- You went out with that guy?

Phew.

Okay.

Show me a freshman
who doesn't make mistakes.

How's his head? Still ringing?
Sidebar?

- I knew that was you under the robes the...
- I shouldn’t have switched powders.

Yeah, but you did.

And I appreciate it.

But why did you?

Because I realized there are things
you need to remember.

Like what?

Like that The Order can be really cruel
to an outsider.

Yeah, I'm starting to figure that all out.

Too bad the others
didn't get the same opportunity.

Look, I'm sorry that you didn't make it,
but there are no second chances.

Stay out of this.

We have this under control.

If somebody doesn't do something,

if you don't do something,
people are going to keep dying, Alyssa.

[Lecturer] "The needs of the many
outweigh the needs of the few."

It's not only a line from the single
greatest bromance in cinematic history,

it is also an example
of what form of ethical thought?

Anyone?

Anybody? Nobody?

Of course not, who needs ethics
when you got a trust fund?

Notebook, come on.

Don't leave me hanging.
I know you know the answer.

Utilitarianism.

Yes. And that is?

[Jack]
The theory that the best action to take

is the one that provides the most good
for the most people.

Exactly.

But utilitarianism requires

that everybody
be on the same page, morally.

And when was the last time that happened?

Think about it like this.

The many are vegetarians.
The few

are cannibals.

ETHICAL RELATIVISM

That is an example of...

Seriously?

There are, like, other people in here.

I know. It's a new record.

And yet, I'm asking you, Jerry.

Jack.

Ethical relativism.

And that means?

"To thine own self be true."

Exactly!

Be your own moral compass.

[Lecturer]
Now, who wants to talk about motivation?

Nobody? Awesome.

Bi-pedal, huh?

Most of the time.

And… had a long snout? Short snout? What?

Longish, mostly teeth.

It was kind of hard for me to see
'cause he had his foot on my back.

Something like that?

Yeah.

Something like that.

Sounds like you've got yourself
a werewolf problem.

[Jack] Just like that?

Werewolf?

- Well, you got another explanation?
- No.

But I actually I saw it and I still
can't believe it. and you're all like,

- Hey, Wednesday, it must be a werewolf.
- Magic, champ.

You said it yourself.

Did you know there was a string
of grisly murders

right here in town back in the s?

Never solved. Could be your werewolf.

Why would a werewolf att*ck Neophytes?

Mm.

- The youngest meat is the sweetest.
- That's gross.

And Neophytes are

a very specific target, especially given
the amount of students on campus.

Pete, we gotta find this thing.

Or we...

we could just let nature take its course.

You're a bloodthirsty old man,
you know that?

Yeah, it worked last time.

That kid got...

dead, very tragic but...

you got in.

This has nothing to do
with getting in, Pops.

If I don't do something,
then I'm just another assh*le

that doesn't care about anyone
except himself.

EDWARD COVENTRY TURNING MEDICAL
PHILANTHROPY ON ITS HEAD

[gentle knock on door]

[door clatters open]

You asked to see me?

[door clatters shut]

Kyle told me quite the story

about last night's test.

Did a Neophyte claim to be att*cked
by some kind of monster?

He did.

Was he drinking?
The freshmen have been known to drink.

I believe he may be telling the truth.

Or at least, he believes
he was telling the truth.

Do you care to explain the reason
for the Olympic-level mitigation?

This morning,

I went to the graveyard and I found these.

Circumstantial at best.

I also...

found this.

We know that before she d*ed,
Drea saw some kind of beast.

There are reports of similar att*cks,
dating all the way back to the s.

The description of this monster
matches what Jack...

the Neophyte claimed he saw.

THE BEAST IS BACK

If it is...

- a werewolf...
- Well, then this situation requires

far more experienced practitioners.

And we have those.

Thank you, Magus.

It's just...

[door bangs shut]

sh*t.

Don't think the hamburger's necessary.

- What? Hamburger's not good enough for it?
- Yeah, Pops.

I forgot to tell you, a real snob.

Prime rib or nothing.

You keep it up.

Well, then I won't give you this.

[cocks g*n]

You want me to take a g*n to school?

- What? That's bad now?
- Do you watch the news ever?

If you mean the mainstream media.

Oh, say crisis actor, I dare you.

I don't think...

Besides... I'm fresh out
of silver b*ll*ts.

I know a guy. We're good.

[hasty footsteps]

[door clicks]

[Jack] Wish me luck, Mom.

[sighs]

[snarling]

The campus.

[sighs]

- [sound of laughter]
- That was actually great.

Oh, sh*t!

Jack?

Amir, let's go.

[Jack sighing]

[Amir] Hey.

Whoa, dude, it's me. It's Amir.

This? Safety first.

- We should get a selfie.
- No.

Looks like congratulations are in order.

You remember. I thought you were gonna be
like Todd, his memory just wiped.

Well, congratulations, man.

- You deserve it.
- Thank you.

Amir, we're going to miss "appy hour."

Oh, like happy hour.

I didn't like everyone
in my Boy Scout troop either, so...

Hey...

did you happen to see a big dog
come through here?

- What?
- Forget it.

- You sure they didn't do something to you?
- No.

Listen, Amir, do me a solid, though, okay?

- What?
- Get back to your dorm.

Whatever k*lled Weston and Drea
is still on the loose...

and I like my friends not dead.

Okay.

I mean, not dead is preferred, so, yeah.

Yeah, I'll get home.

Dude, it really should've been you
who got picked.

- At least it wasn't Gregory.
- Yeah.

Peace.

[female] God! My hair's deflated!
You're paying for...

[male] Seriously, Amir. You have to stop
hanging out with that townie.

[door clicks open]

[door shuts]

[Jack sighs]

You look like I feel.

Sorry to hear that,

because I feel like death.

I wonder if Weston...

feels dead?

- That's pretty cold, Clay.
- Dude, think about it.

One minute, he's just across the hall.

The next minute, he's gone.

Makes you wonder
if he was ever really alive.

- Yeah, Clay?
- After all,

what do we really know about him

before he showed up here?

How do we even know
if he actually existed?

How do we know if...

any of us actually exists?

Clay.

Do you mind? I need some time alone.

Cool.

- Thanks
- Yeah.

Emotions. Are they intense or what?

- You want me to go? Oh, okay, I will go.
- Yeah. Yeah.

[door shuts]

[church bells ringing]

[woman screams]

[woman's voice]
Oh, my God, he's here! It's Amir!

[sound of flies buzzing]

[Jack] And I like my friends not dead.

[Amir] Not dead is preferred.

TODAY'S SPECIAL
TOMORROW'S OK

- You're going to think I'm insane.
- Already there.

I think I know what's k*lling everyone.

Don't you mean "who"?

No, definitely what.

Oh, you mean, like, the w*apon?

What is it? Is it like a machete?
A parang?

- A werewolf.
- Oh, a mythical creature.

I've seen it, okay? It's chased me.

Also, I've chased it,
which I think I need to do again.

Dude, are you seriously asking me
on a werewolf hunt?

And clearly, I'm the Mayor of Crazytown
and I'll be going.

Because I am in.

What if I'm wrong?

Dude...

what if you're right?

- What's with all the hamburger?
- I don't know.

Tradition.

Okay, then meet me there.

No, do not invite her, please.

God, it's such a sh*t-hole.

- Here we go.
- You'd think for what my parents pay,

there'd at least be turndown service.

No, there's not even a maid
or anything. That's...

Excuse you!

[Randall] Pretty badass, Morton.

Using fellow students as bait.

That's not what we're doing.

We're not following
suspected pledges around,

hoping a werewolf
will show up to k*ll them?

sh*t.

[both] That's exactly what we're doing.

- We need a better plan.
- Dude, trust me, this is a great one.

[Randall] Go get her!

[Jack gasps]

Whoa, whoa, hey!

- Alyssa?
- Okay.

Jack, touch me again, I'll kick your ass.

- Really?
- What are you doing here?

The same thing as you, apparently.

I told you we had this under control.
Go home.

This is The Order's solution?
A single student?

Oh, wait.

Are you out here on your own?

I can't let another person
get butchered, all right?

Well, me neither.

You want to help?
Keep an eye on Brandon.

It's already taken care of.

You brought someone else in? Who?

Somebody that believed me.

- I told you...
- Relax.

I made up a story that Brandon
seemed depressed. It's fine.

That's it?

That's it.

So, we'll team up?

As long as you can improve
your surveillance game.

Oh, my game is weak?

Don't mess up.

[Vera] We were foolish.

I was foolish.

I underestimated the thr*at.

There is a creature out there,

born or cursed by magic
that is tearing apart our recruits.

Yeah.

- It's hard to believe.
- Yes.

Sometimes we don't want to see
what is right in front of us.

[Vera] Magic swirls all around us.
It is in the air that we breathe.

Please, do not be so naive

as to think we are the only ones
who could harness its power.

Find out everything you can about
werewolves. Especially how to k*ll one.

- Silver...
- And God help the first one of you

that says "silver b*ll*ts."

Bull... bullfrogs.

Shut up.

[sighs]

Excellent.

What are you doing? Get to work.

Why'd you pick Belgrave?

Because my family lives on the West Coast.

Okay.

So, what else do you do
besides hate your family?

I don't hate them.

I just...

don't want to be them.

Come on. How bad can they be?

Are you going to pretend
you haven't Googled me?

I've been busy with secret societies
and monster hunting.

Right.

[Jack]
Tell me something true about yourself.

Er...

My real life started
when I was accepted into The Order.

I was following my parents' playbook
until then.

This is mine.

What about you?

What about me?

Was Belgrave your idea, or are you
following someone else's playbook?

Oh, she's heading into the house party.

Wow. She's sarting early.

Yeah.

Looks like a real classy event.

Wanna head in?

Mm...

Let's hang back.

- See how it plays out.
- Yeah.

No.

No, I will not move my fundraiser.
They can move theirs. Yes.

Margaret.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Thank you. You have yourself a lovely day.

You expected this bag of herbs
to protect the Neophytes

how, precisely?

Ah, at the time, we were dealing
with an unidentified thr*at.

- And now it's identified?
- I have an operating theory.

The disciples are researching
more specific defenses as we speak.

I'm sure the victims will be reassured
by your commitment.

If only we could resurrect them
from the dead.

Yes. If only.

Now, unless there's anything else,
I do have a day job to attend to.

By all means. I'm late for a call
with the Grand Magus as it is.

He's very concerned,
especially after I explained to him

how badly you bungled
this year's selection process.

Mm. Well, each Neophyte,

in their own way, displayed
the characteristics that we search for.

And yet, here you are without
enough bodies to fill the slots.

Not... at all.

Given that your son, Gregory,

was our first alternate,

and that we now, unfortunately,
have an opening.

- Tragic.
- Yes.

- Tragic.
- But after all...

who could have predicted
such terrible events?

I hope you find your monster.

- I'm sure we will.
- I'll see you at the initiation ceremony.

[Alyssa] I think we've lost her.

Maybe one of us should go around back.

- Nope. There she is.
- Where?

Porch. Oh, my God.

[Jack] Ugh! She's eating his face.

[girl laughs]

Is that flirting in your world?

That's not any kind of flirting.

Sounds like I should be
taking pointers from you.

- You wish.
- Sure do.

[guy groans]

- [guy wretches]
- [girl gasps]

- [Jack gasps]
- [girl yells]

assh*le!

Move!

Move! Ugh!

[half-sobbing]

[crying] Stupid.

Just stupid.

The girl can move.

- Bars are open.
- Good point.

Forget it, assh*le. You lost your chance.

- Who's that?
- [girl] This is an original Herndl!

[snarls]

You do not puke on a Hern...
[bang]

Oh!

[gasps for breath]

[chokes and screams]

[Jack gasps]
[smash]

[girl gasps]

[Jack gasps]

[Jack] Ah! It's not human.

I've got eyes!

It doesn't!

- [sound of Kn*fe blade]
- [crash]

[Jack coughs]

- [Jack coughs]
- [Alyssa gasps]

[Alyssa gasps]

[Alyssa chokes]

[Jack groans]

[Jack shouts]

[female voice] Return to me.

[hurrying footsteps]

[Jack and Alyssa coughing]

Ah! That was no werewolf.

It wasn't human either.

- Why did it just stop?
- I don't know.

Look at this.

It's mud.

How the hell are we supposed to...
hunt a mud monster?

We don't.

Come on.

Don't break up the band now.
We just fought our first monster together.

Good night, Jack.

[sound of metal]

[Alyssa sighs]

- [Jack] You think she's gonna be okay?
- [Alyssa] That thing went the other way.

I guess it got what it wanted.

- What do you think that is?
- That's what I have to figure out.

Alone.

At least, let me walk you back to campus.

Or...

I could walk you back.

Okay, sure.

Hey.

Seriously, how come you didn't
magic that thing?

I'm years away from that kind of skill.

[Jack] Do you at least have a wand?

Or a crystal ball?

Tarot cards? A black cat?

- You got nothing.
- [Alyssa] Ridiculous.

[Randall] So, now it's a "mud monster?"

I can't think of a better way
to describe it.

Any idea what it is?

Where it went?

What it's after?

- It kills pledges. That's all I've got.
- But what is it targeting you?

You're not even a pledge.

And why stop k*lling Gabrielle?

That att*ck, it just petered out
like it didn't matter.

Amir.

Drea. Weston.

They gotta have something in common.

[male voice] I can't believe you got in.

Seriously, you gotta have horseshoes
up your ass or something.

- Well, luck had nothing to do with it.
- Shut up. Whatever.

- Drinks are on you.
- Oh, yeah. Two.

[bartender] Yeah, you got it.

What if...

What if they were being eliminated

to make room for someone
who couldn't make it on his own?

So...

- you're the k*ller.
- Not me, dumb-ass.

This place needs a VIP section.

Wouldn't you say?

You're telling me!

WAKE UP DEAD IMPERIAL STOUT

- [Alyssa] I think I know what it is.
- [Jack] I think I know who's behind it.

It's a golem. Centuries-old magic
used to make anthropomorphic...

- You know what that means?
- We go to the same school.

The golem is created
from clay, mud, or metal.

Its master bestows life with a magic word,
etched on the forehead.

- And it must be hard to write in metal.
- Also, harder to erase.

The word is what keeps the golem alive.

So, who is it?

Gregory. He was never
going to make it into The Order, was he?

No.

So, I think he created the golem

and ordered it to k*ll Neophytes
until he got in,

- which he did.
- Last night.

Yeah. Which is why it didn't k*ll us,
or pursue Gabrielle.

It was ordered to stand down.
Mission accomplished.

No.

No, Gregory couldn't do this. He couldn't
even finish his subservience test.

You just said slap a mannequin together

and scribble a magic word
on the forehead.

Is that really what you heard?

Wow. Besides, even if Gregory could do
this kind of magic,

he thought he was a sure thing.

That's true. He's pretty lazy.

Okay.

So, we track down the golem,
find out who created it,

- destroy it, and then dinner and a movie.
- Jack.

Too aggressive? Right.

Aggressive openings aren't good.
Just the movie.

The Order will stop this thing
and punish whoever's responsible,

but you have to stay out of it.

I just think it would make more sense
if we worked together.

I need you to say it, Jack.

- Seriously?
- Say the words.

Okay. I won't go look for the golem.

- It's for your own safety.
- No worries.

Now, all we're talking about is the nail
in the coffin of my life-long mission.

- Mission?
- Mission, dream. Same thing.

Okay.

Well...

take care.

Yeah.

You, too.

"You, too." Dork.

"Take care."

Idiot.

Have you ever wondered why you exist?

What do we really know about him...

before he showed up here?

How do we even know
if he actually existed?

How do we know if any of us

actually exists?

[door opens softly]

Clay?

[door shuts]

Clay.

I told you not to touch my sh*t.

Sorry.

I suppose I should probably thank you.
Because of you, I live again.

I have a purpose.

What did I do?

You figured it out. But now...

now, I have to k*ll you.

- [metallic boom]
- [Jack gasps]

Does it hurt?

Death?

No, I'm not trying to be a d*ck.
It's a legit question.

Oh, you obviously can't answer me.
That makes sense.

[muffled gasps]

How long does it take humans to die?

[muffled yells]

Okay, now I feel
like you're just being a d*ck.

[muffled yells]

[crash of glass]

[muffled yells]

[muffled roars]

[muffled yells]

[muffled yells continue]

[ringing sound]

[thump]

[sound of rubble falling]

[Jack pants]

[Vera] Gregory Crain.

You have been summoned
by the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose.

Will you heed the call?

I will.

Take these, Acolyte,
and begin your service.

[heavy thud]

[Jack] There's your k*ller.

He's a golem.

His name is Clay.

It's hilarious, right?

Hopefully, you can use your magic
and figure out who made it

because the way I see it, whoever
created that is the real monster.

Also, you need to rethink
your secret door.

[door rattles shut]

[male voice] The head.

And the messenger.

[bird tweets]

Who created you?

Margaret Crain.

[shocked murmurs]

[Clay] Oh, hey, Jack. Hey, no hard...

[ringing sound]

Let go of me!

You can't do this.

I'm a member of the Gnostic Council,
you have no right!

The son, too.

I'm a legacy! Mom, you ruin everything!

This is all your fault.

Let me go! Get your hands off me!

You have no right...

[door shuts]

It appears you've been summoned.
Will you heed the call?

[Vera] This is the part where you say yes,
Mr. Morton.

Yes.

Jack Morton.

With an entrance like that,
we'll be expecting great things from you.

[Jack] He was right there and I just...

stood there, looking like an idiot.

My own dad didn't even recognize me.

[Pete] Why would he?
He doesn't even know you exist.

The Order was supposed to be our ace
in the hole, our w*apon against him.

And now he's my boss! And he knows magic.

Pete... they're monsters.

Mm.

And then there are the real monsters.

Yes!
That werewolf is still out there, too!

It's gonna be okay, sport.

I can't even think that.

‘Cause from where I'm sitting, I'm boned.

Then change your seat...

because we just won this fucker.

The whole reason for you getting
into The Order was to

get you close to that son-of-a-bus driver.

We thought, what?

Five years for you to graduate
and use The Order's influence

to place you in a job close to Coventry?
Here we are, two weeks in...

you're already in the same room as him.

We've got him right where we want him.

And we're gonna make that assh*le pay...

for driving your mother...

to su1c1de.

Plus...

you get to learn magic!

Yeah.

- Magic.
- Yeah.

f*cking magic!

Edward, please.

What wouldn't you do for your son?

Oh, I wouldn't put his needs or my own
above the needs of The Order.

And I wouldn't put myself in a position
where I had to choose his fate.

The Fenestrated Man,

Morlock's Lament

or Solomon's End.

I… I can't choose.

You can and you must.

Pick one, or I will.

The Lament.

- Damn you, the lament.
- That's what I'd choose.

The pain is excruciating,

but death is quick.

Morlock's Lament. You may proceed.

- Clay, stop. I command you.
- He's not yours to command anymore.

Edward, please.

[whimpers]

[Margaret whimpering]

Hey, legit question.

Tell me if this hurts, okay?

[Margaret cries out]

[Margaret screams]

Nope. This is one of your stupider ideas.

[twig snaps]

[snarls]

[snarls]

[snarls]

[door bangs shut]

[muffled snarls]

[muffled snarls]

[bangs]

Hello?

- [bang]
- [snarls]

sh*t!

[snarls]

[door bangs]

I'm not f*cking going down there.

- [crash]
- [snarls]

Trap yourself in the basement, Jack.
Nice.

- [crashing]
- [snarling]

[Jack's feet thud on stairs]

[door bangs]

[bolt slides home]

[muffled bangs]

f*ck!

Oh, double f*ck.

[door bangs]

[bolt slides home]

[bang on door]

[rattling sound]

[crash]

[chest creaks]

[snarls]

[Jack gasps]

[Jack yells]

[Jack groans]

- [Jack groans]
- [snarls]

[Jack gasps and groans]

- [snarls]
- [Jack yells]

[snarls]