05x36 - The Puppets

[bunniefuu]

ys ]

♪

Announcer:
Fun Wrestling Federation.
Seen it. Seen it.

Man: Señor Tony.
Seen it. Seen it.

Chuck the Panda:
You asked for it.
Seen it. Seen it.

Hate it. Hate it.
Narrator:
All good things --

Seen it. Seen it.
Seen it. Seen it.

Announcer: And now with all
the latest developments live,

it's Elmore News.

Eh. Eh.

♪

♪

[ Screeches ]

♪

Good evening.

I'm Kip Shlezinger,
and this is Elmore News.

Dramatic events today
in downtown Elmore

as police sent
their finest officers

to tackle a robbery which
took place in broad daylight.

Further proof that our town
is no longer safe for anyone,

any time, any day,
anywhere, in any way.

Anyhoo, our reporters
are on the scene

to keep up to date
with the latest developments.

-Mike.
-Yes, Kip.

Elmore police received
an anonymous call

at around : p.m. reporting
a robbery here at Joyful Burger.

The police responded
with a low-key operation,

handling the situation
with sensitivity

and minimal force.

[ Siren wailing ]

The suspects have not been
identified, but, uh --

[ Indistinct shouting ]

One moment, Kip.
There seems to be a development.

[ Tires screeching ]

Kip:
Mike, can you give us

any more information
on what's happening there?

Uh, it's not entirely clear,

but they appear to be
conducting interviews.

Can we get two milkshakes,

two Cronuts,
two family buckets...

Uh, uh, over to you, Kip.

...two triple burgers
with bacon.

Kip Shledebergerzinger here.

In other developments,

a house fire has broken out
in an Elmore suburb.

We go live now
to the scene of the blaze.

[ Panting ]
The fire started this morning.

The firefighters have been
at the scene for over an hour

and are still struggling
to control the blaze.

Send in the marshmallows!

Oh, no!

It's okay. Keep going.
Ohh, no!

Don't give up -- Aah!

These children escaped
the blaze.

Tell us,
how did the fire start?

I saw a spider.

Fair enough.
Kip, back to you.

Kip Sherlezingabinger here,
and we have some

new developments
on the Joyful Burger robbery.

Over to our eye in the sky.

[ Sighs ]

[ Grunting ]

That's right, Kip.

It appears the police are still
in pursuit of the suspects.

With Elmore's finest
hot on their heels,

we expect they'll soon
be brought to justice.

[ Horn blares,
tires screeching ]

As you can see below,

the police are continuing
their hunt,

despite some members
of the public

obstructing their path.

Thanks, Mike.

And, uh, what is happening
down on the ground?

[ Screaming ]

[ Panting ]

Well, Kip, the chase
continues on foot.

[ Gasping ]

And knees.

And hands.

Kip Shwaaaalalalalaburger here.

More on that police chase later.

But now to our overseas
correspondent Al Paca,

reporting from the G summit.

Al, what important issues were
raised today at the summit?

-[ Bleating ]
-Uh-huh?

And what did the president
have to say on the issue?

-[ Bleating ]
-Hmm.

And what are the global
implications of that?

[ Bleating ]

-Thanks, Al.
-[ Bleats ]

And now we go live
to Hale County, Texas,

where a farmer has won a prize

for Best Livestock
at the county fair.

I, uh, think you boys
might have got

a couple things
mixed up here.

I'm sorry.

We're gonna have to leave
that story there.

We have some shocking
new developments

in the Joyful Burger robbery.

Mike.

[ Panting ]

Yes, Kip.

The police
have called off the search

after realizing the individual
who reported the theft

was an unusually rotund
pink rabbit

who dropped a French fry,

which was carried away
by some ants.

Here's an artist's impression
of the incident.

Kip, back to you.

Thanks, Mike.

Now it is time for...
The Big Question!

♪

And today we're joined
by the dean

of Elmore University's
science faculty.

Professor,
thanks for joining us.

Now, after vaccinations,
electric cars,

and the dark magic
behind Wi-Fi,

I guess the big question is,
should we be scared of science?

No.

More questions
than answers there.

The debate rages on.

Be sure to tune in
this time tomorrow

for our next big question --
Oxygen: Friend or Foe?

In other news,
the town of Elmore

is about to be hit
by a waste disposal strike.

♪

I just -- I think we've
all had enough, you know?

But we can't complain about it

because our voices
are completely drowned out.

The job can be suffocating,
yeah.

I've -- I've seen a lot.

[ Sniffs ]

I've seen a whole lot.

I've been working
on the executive floor

for years,
and all I got for secret Santa

was food poisoning.

Yeah, the way we've been treated
leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[ Mumbling indistinctly ]

The toilet seats of Elmore
are expected to hold

a protest march here
in front of the Town Hall

within the next few minutes.

I've just been informed
that it will now be a sit-in.

Kip, back to you.

Thanks, Mike.

Celebrity news now,

and the beloved children's
entertainer Daisy the Donkey

has suffered what can only be
described as an on-set meltdown.

Good morning,
little children!

Children:
Good morning, Daisy!

[ Laughs ]

Welcome
to "Daisy the Donkey Show"!

[ Children cheer ]

Today I've got a special surpr--

Hi, kids-s-s-s!

[ Sighs ]

I can't believe this.

Did you read the script?

You're supposed to come in
after my line!

Sorry, man.
I was just improvising.

You know, winging it.

So, kids,
is everybody s--

Okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay!

First off,
you don't call me "man."

You call me Miss Daisy.

And secondly,
just stick to the darn script!

Dude, we're live.

I don't care
if we're live!

You're an amateur
surfing on my wave!

And right now
you're ruining my show!

Hey.
Did you just push me?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

'Cause I'll push you
right back!

[ Both grunting ]

Ow! My eyes-s-s-s!

Man: Okay, go to commercial.
Go to commercial!

Okay, go to card.
Now, please! Now!

[ Static hisses ]

Miss Donkey, whose real name
is Antoine Perez,

has been sentenced
to two weeks community service.

And now we have some good news
and some bad news.

The bad news is that stock
markets have fallen,

but the good news
is that these graphs

will tell you all about it
in the form of a song.

♪ When things are bad, bad, bad,
about to get sad ♪

♪ Don't be glad, glad, glad ♪

♪ We should be mad ♪

♪ We're going down, down, down ♪

♪ We're all gonna drown ♪

♪ We're all be
poor, poor, poor ♪

♪ But wait, here's some more ♪

♪ We're all
in debt, debt, debt ♪

♪ And you can bet ♪

♪ It will get
worse, worse, worse ♪

♪ Yes, we're all cursed ♪

♪ We are all
broke, broke, broke ♪

♪ And it's such a joke ♪

♪ 'Cause there's
no hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ And no one can cope ♪

♪ We are all
doomed, doomed, doomed ♪

♪ Nothing's improved ♪

♪ Don't even try ♪

♪ Just give up and cry-y-y-y ♪

Coming up next, we have nothing.

We didn't have enough news
to cover the whole show tonight,

so I'm gonna say
absolutely nothing

in the cadence
of a news story,

and I hope
I'll get away with it.

As I said a moment ago,
this is all filler.

Let's go live now
to our reporter at the scene

and hope that he comes up
with something better.

Mike.

Unfortunately, Kip,
as you said a moment ago,

absolutely nothing
is happening here.

It seems that, for now,
there is no news at all.

Therefore I'll k*ll time
by asking the general public

what they think about it.

Sir, what do you think
about it?

What do I think of what?

You -- You haven't
asked me anything.

And, you, sir,
any thoughts?

I was really hoping
that would take longer,

but since it didn't,
we will keep on wasting

your precious time on Earth
by re-explaining nothing

over some random footage
of the general public walking.

No one really listens to this
part of the news anyway,

so we should be okay.

News, news, news, news.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Filler, filler, filler.

Which leads us to the most
important question --

What was the point of all that?

What was the point, indeed.

And now over to Barry
for the sports news.

Barry.

Spo-o-o-o-rts!

Sports, sports, sports, sports!

Spo-o-o-o-rts!

[ To tune of "Charge" ]
Sports, sports, sports, sports.

Sports, sports, sports, sports.

Spa-ba-ba-ba-ba-spo-o-o-rts!

Whoo! Sport! Sport!

Sport. Sport.

Sports.

Sports.

Kip: Um, thank you, Barry.

Spo-o-o-o-r--

And now for the weather.

♪

Thank you, Kip.

As you can see, the weather
today was wonderful.

The sun was shining.

Perfect conditions to take
a walk and catch some rays.

[ Muffled laughter ]

I'm sorry, Kip.
Is something funny?

Kip: Uh, no.
Uh, please continue.

Moving on to tonight
and we'll see --

[ Muffled laughter ]

Are you making fun of me?

Of course not.

I wouldn't want to make you feel
like the butt of the joke.

[ Laughs ]

Well, I, uh, guess
it'll be overcast tomorrow.

My name is

Kip Sherlabulabubudaglabradra-
dingdong,

and that was the : news.

Good night.

♪

Ah, what are you doing?

Leave it already!

Ah, just --at are you doing?
What is wrong with you?!