NARRATOR: So, you want to be just like the Doctor, eh?
Well, I suppose if you want to be as cool as this Time Lord, you'll have to be up to speed.
Welcome to The A to Z of Gadgets and Gizmos.
So, companion by your side and sonic screwdriver in hand, you're ready to begin.
- Are you joking?
- Do I look as if I'm joking?
Shall we go?
NARRATOR: "A" is for "Artificial Intelligence".
In your travels, you're bound to come across things like robots, androids, or even, if you're very lucky, this little guy.
His name is K9.
- Affirmative, affirmative - (SHUSHING) NARRATOR: K9 is a useful gadget complete with nose blaster, a useful set of ears K9: Activating now.
and if all else fails, he's terribly good at controlling the Tardis.
"B" is for "blue crystal".
(NARRATOR READING) Now look, don't go taking blue crystals from any planet, especially in the Metebelis system.
The third Doctor didn't know they were highly dangerous, and ended up becoming the fourth.
Start?
What do these numbers and letters mean?
NARRATOR: "C" is for "chameleon circuit".
If your Tardis is working properly, this gizmo allows it to blend, yes, that's right, blend, into its surroundings.
Doesn't it, Doctor?
DOCTOR: You have a door there.
- (WARBLING) - Yes, I suppose that's useful.
Well, we've gotta be able to get in and out.
No, I mean being able to change like that.
I forbid you to use it.
You should never have constructed it! But what is it?
NARRATOR: "D" is for "De-Mat g*n".
The De-Mat g*n is one of the best gadgets in the galaxy.
It was a w*apon invented by Rassilon, the founder of Time Lord Society, to protect Gallifrey.
But because of its huge destructive power, he had it banned.
Yes, banned! However, the Doctor managed to recreate it to destroy the Sontarans.
Watch for them, by the way.
Goodbye, Doctor! (TICKING) NARRATOR: "E" is for MAN: The Eye of Horus.
Destroy! Destroy! NARRATOR: This gizmo was a force field, but not for keeping something out.
In fact, it was keeping something in.
The evil God, Sutekh.
Destroy! Destroy! NARRATOR: Our advice, stay well clear of Mars.
Free! NARRATOR: Now all this travelling in time and space is bound to take its toll on the old girl.
(RUMBLING) But fear not, the Tardis is fitted with a handy fault locator.
This device warns the Doctor when anything is broken.
Well, perhaps it would be wiser to check the fault locator first.
I'm glad I thought of that.
Yes, come along.
Come along.
NARRATOR: "G" is for "Gravitron".
In the 24th century, that's about 18 minutes away in the Tardis, the Gravitron will be controlling our weather.
Terribly useful, providing there isn't a cyber-invasion.
Fire! NARRATOR: Everybody can be a bit forgetful, even the Doctor.
It happens when you reach over 900 years old.
But there is a handy gadget to help you find your way back to the Tardis.
"H" is for "homing device".
- One of the Doctor's gadgets?
- Don't want to miss the Tardis, do we?
NARRATOR: Once in a while, when you're not repairing the Tardis, or trying to locate it, you might find yourself fending off gadgets, like the third Doctor had to here.
"I" is for "IMC mining robot.
" Watch out for that huge claw! "J" is for "Jhana Box", also referred to as the Box of Jhana.
This gizmo is not just an ordinary cardboard box.
Oh, no.
Never make that mistake.
This houses something terrible.
Sanders, do you know what's in the Box?
NARRATOR: Something really, really horrible.
Don't, it could k*ll us! NARRATOR: The Jhana Box is actually for communication, so remember, on your travels, sometimes a box is not just a box.
GUARDIAN: Doctor.
NARRATOR: I'm sensing the presence of a Guardian.
I hope it's the white one.
Yes?
NARRATOR: At last, this means we've reached "K".
"K" is for "Key to Time".
The Key to Time is a perfect cube which maintains the equilibrium of time itself.
It consists of six segments, and these segments are scattered and hidden throughout the cosmos.
NARRATOR: You might be expecting "L" to be for "laser g*ns".
But let me tell you, the most unusual w*apon you'll ever encounter is a larvae g*n.
It's used on the planet Vortis.
Now, our advice is never carry weapons, ever! Hang on, something's not right here.
Oh, dear, we've plonked ourselves right by "M" for "Matrix".
This is a vast computer network that stores all the knowledge of the Time Lords and their memories after they die.
Ah! Here's where things get fun.
"N" is for "Nitro-9".
This expl*sive substance was created by the Doctor's companion, Ace.
All down! One of these days we're gonna have a nice long talk about acceptable safety standards.
NARRATOR: When entering a new alien environment, there are three crucial things you must do.
One, perform a gravity check with a yo-yo.
Two, make sure there is air to breathe.
And three, if you land on a human-built space station, then watch out for "O".
"O" stands for Organic Matter Detection Surveillance System.
This gadget is essentially for keeping security.
It zaps any aliens that might try to inv*de.
I think we've done it, Harry.
NARRATOR: Gadgets and gizmos come in all shapes and sizes.
There are some tiny gadgets that strike fear into the hearts of people who encounter them.
Such as this little parrot.
"P" is for "Polyphase Avatron".
And for best results, cook with a K9 laser.
Look at that.
NARRATOR: As well as chameleon circuits and fault locators, the Doctor's blue box also contains our "Q" The Quantum Accelerator.
NARRATOR: This is a vital component of the Tardis.
Um, I've got no idea what it actually does, but then I'm not the onboard Tardis manual.
Should I say au revoir, Doctor?
Uh, well, it's called a Randomiser, and it's fitted to the guidance systems and operates under a very complex scientific principle called pot luck.
NARRATOR: "R" is for "Randomiser".
How?
No one knows where we're going.
Not even the Black Guardian.
Not even us.
NARRATOR: Should you ever wish to fit one to your Tardis, remember your arrival location will be completely random.
"S" is for "sonic screwdriver".
Even the sonic screwdriver won't get me out of this one.
NARRATOR: Never mind your sonic lances or sonic pens, this is the best device in the universe.
Not only is it great for loosening screws, unlocking doors and sorting out mobile phones, it's got the Doctor out of more trouble than even he cares to think about.
I suggest you get one, pronto.
(SHRIEKING) - What's this?
- MAN: A Time Ring.
It will return you to the Tardis when you're finished here.
NARRATOR: "T" is for "Time Ring".
- There's just one thing.
- What's that?
Be careful not to lose it.
That Time Ring is your lifeline.
NARRATOR: This little gizmo is like having a portable Tardis in your pocket.
You can use it to travel through time and space, and Oh, yeah, when you've finished with it, it automatically returns to the Time Lords.
Handy, that.
You knew that was gonna happen, didn't you?
NARRATOR: "U" is for "Ultima Machine".
Well, actually, it's best if I just let Dr Judson explain.
Then tell me.
The Ultima Machine can break the most sophisticated n*zi ciphers.
Some 9th-century scribbling shouldn't be much of a problem.
This is the first.
In the future, there will be many more.
Computing machines.
Thinking machines.
NARRATOR: Just make sure you keep the "off" handle well oiled, okay?
You're too late, Doctor! NARRATOR: "V" is for "Visualiser".
This is a fantastic gadget.
Wouldn't it be great if your TV looked backwards in time and space?
However, be warned.
It can also show you anybody or anything that's out to get you.
DALEK: We inv*de.
NARRATOR: "W" is for "Whomobile".
This was the Doctor's fantastic car.
Not only did it have really cool tail fins, but it could also fly.
Very useful for traffic jams.
- We're flying! - Yes, of course, we're flying.
NARRATOR: "X" is for "X-ray", a clever device for taking photos of the inside of your body.
Poor Dr Grace Holloway got the shock of her life when she stuck a camera inside the Doctor's body and lost it.
If only she'd looked at the X-ray first.
This is no double exposure.
NARRATOR: "Y" is for "Yeti".
Now, you might be thinking that a Yeti isn't a gadget, but you'd be wrong.
It is, in fact, an alien robot.
A servant of the Great Intelligence, the Yeti requires a shiny metal sphere to power up.
So if you find one, keep it well clear of any Yetis.
WOMAN: Nothing there.
No, but there has been.
NARRATOR: "Z" is for "Zero Cabinet".
We make another Zero Room out of what's left.
NARRATOR: It's the perfect place to recover from a regeneration.
Inside, you're shielded from the rest of the noisy universe, and can have a good old kip.
It looks very small, Doctor.
And unlike the Tardis, it is very small.
NARRATOR: So that's it.
There's just time for a quick test.
What was the name of the captain's parrot?
What's the name of the Doctor's flying car?
What sort of cabinet can the newly regenerated Doctor have a good old kip in?
If you can answer all of these questions, then you are truly ready to journey into time and space.
So, in the words of the master Farewell, my friends.
NARRATOR: Farewell!