06x40 - The Heart

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe you have a pair of Bluetooth speakers in your backyard.

I have to say, Mr.

Robinson, I'm impressed with how on point you are with new technology.

Yeah, you're like a silver Firefox.

I got those free when I bought a foot spa from a catalogue.

They also sent a face massager, but Margaret ruined it when she put it in the dishwasher.

Well, all systems go, captain.

What do you want to listen to?

I'm not gonna play any music on it.

Just this.

What is that?

! Oh, it's a frequency only vermin can hear.

That should get them off my lawn.

It's not working! I wasn't talking about that kind of vermin.

Hold on a second, kids.

Of course, Mr.

Robinson.

Meh

-meh

-meh

-meh

-meh.

Hmm.

Margaret?

Yeah, sorry, didn't quite clock what that last "meh" was about.

Meh

-meh

-meh

-meh

-meh Meh

-meh

-meh.

Oh, right, Moe's met my mom Mimi in Miami.

Meh

-meh

-meh

-meh

-meh.

What am I doing?

Oh, just trying to get rid of those two little meat gargoyles from next door, Dumbbell and Garden Waterbed or whatever.

Meh

-meh.



- Yes, the ones I hate.

Hate.

Yeah, I roped those dopes into installing a new defense system against themselves.

They're bigger suckers than leeches making major life choices based on their horoscopes.

And they're so ugly.

The little red one's got a face even two mothers couldn't love.

And the blue one is like a visual version of drinking orange juice right after brushing your teeth.

You know what?

A quantum microscope couldn't find a quark of charm in those two butt clowns.

To be honest, that last one wasn't so bad by comparison.

Wait, who was I talking about?

Huh?

Are those losers gone?

We heard every word you just said about us, William Shade

-speare! Wait, where are you?

At the bottom of a pit of despair, Mr.

Robinson! Hmm.

That was a metaphor.

Hmm, right.

You ruined our friendship and left us with these horrible black clouds over our heads.

Oh.

And that one's not a metaphor, by the way.

Goodbye, Mr.

Robinson.

W

-Wait, where are you going?

There's a lot we need to process.

I think we need a therapist.

And a meteorologist.

Oh, fine.

Go see a get

-out

-of

-my

-face

-ist, as well, and ask for an extra prescription of chill pills while you're there.

Hmph.

Ugh! Ugh! Hm.

I don't see how things will ever be the same again, short of brainwashing them.

But of course! "How to brainwash chil

-

-" What did you do?

I followed the advice online.

It turns out it's illegal to alter the minds of children using Cold w*r CIA techniques.

It's bureaucratic madness.

Next they'll be asking me to pay for a fishing license or something.

Dad, you do need a fishing license.

What's this world coming to when a simple taxpaying man like me can't even enjoy feeding himself and his family by throwing a little dynamite in the pond?

! Look, if you want to make peace with them, just keep it casual and don't go too far, okay?

Just play it millennial.

You mean dye my hair rainbow colors, dress like a fake lumberjack, feed off avocados, and inherit a world in ruins?

Oh, I guess.

But mainly I meant you just, like, poke them or bring them more followers or leave a little message on their wall.

Huh, sounds easy enough.

"Let's play a game"?

Poke.

Poke.

Hmm?

Hmm?

What the actual what are you doing?

! I just got you more followers.



- Hello.



- How you doing?



- Hey.



- You

-

- Dad, please, stop.

I know I'm not cut out for prison.

There were some real tough cookies in there, and they didn't even give us any milk to dunk them in.

Why don't you just be nice to the kids and give them some toys or something?

Ah, there.

They'll love my old chewing doll.

They don't make 'em like they used to.

Oh, even better! My real space g*n.

And there's still gunpowder in it.

Oh! And my little atomic energy kit.

What kind of child wouldn't want to play with a little uranium and

-

- Aah! Oh, boy.

Please don't tell me I needed to specify children's toys.

This time I got arrested for violating peace agreements.

Look, have you tried just expressing your feelings to them?

Feelings?

You mean like hungry?

Dad, no.

Sleepy?

No! Hmm, like when you have to go to the bathroom?

Just speak to them and make an effort to be positive.

Hey, Gumball.

What?

I just wanted to say you got massive hips.

What?

! No, no, it's a good thing.

You can be a model during the renaissance.

Okay, bye.

No, no, wait.

I've got other nice things to say.

Darwin, you speak English very well.

What?

! What do you think my native language is?

Uh, fish

-spanic?

Wow, you managed to be offensive to pretty much everyone on land and sea at the same time.

No, no, no, no, no! Sorry.

I

-I meant it's amazing that you never let your disability stop you from living a normal life.

Hmph! Wait, wait, wait, wait! I'll pay you.

Are you serious?

! Yeah, $5 for a "Get off my lawn," $10 for an insult about your appearance, and a dime for every time I slander your father.

I meant do you seriously think our friendship is for sale?

We want out.

What seemed sweet has turned out to be lethally toxic, like feeding a chocolate cake to a puppy next to the tailpipe of a 4x4 in the middle of an oil spill while reading it ElmoreStream comments.

I'm sorry, Mr.

Robinson.

You don't love us.

You just love to hate us, and if you can't see the difference for yourself then your heart is beyond saving.

No! Hmm?

No! No! No! Aah! What are you doing?

I'm protecting myself.

From what?

Feel

-

- Ugh! Feel

-

- Bleagh! Feel

-

- Aah! Do you mean feelings?

Mm

-hmm.

But why?

Because they're dangerous.

What are you talking about?

If you let you

-know

-what in, sooner or later, you get your heart broken.

Hmm.

I think I have the solution to this problem.

Exactly.

Less expression, more suppression.

No.

We need to force feed you so much love that you'll never fear it again.

Please tell me this doesn't involve a song.

Uh

-huh.

It's time to drown your heart in love.

Literally.

You're keeping your loving locked way up tight But we got the key to put everything right Chasing bad feelings and demons away Hurts for a heartbeat, but you'll thank us one day Flip your frown upside down Hang loose and let the good times roll We'll turn your life around If you open up your chest today And wave goodbye to yesterday You'll never b*at the feeling When you feel a real feeling for the first time Ooh, ooh You'll never b*at the feeling And this old felt heart Is feeling so brand n

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-e

-w He stopped b*ating.

I think we k*lled him.

With kindness.

We need to give him the kiss of life.

Okay, that's enough! I admit it.

I felt something.

But if you give me any more love, I'll start spewing confetti.

Now get out of my way.

So?

Wait a minute.

I

-I feel different.

And how do you feel about us?

I lo

- I lo

- I lo

- I loathe you a little less than I did before.

That's good enough for us, Mr.

Robinson!