05x03 - The Guy

[bunniefuu]

She's hunting again!

Self-protection mode!

Hmm.

I wonder what Carmen's
defense mechanism is.

Ow! Ow!

Oh, of course.

No, no, no, no!
Hector's defense mechanism is...

Playing possum.

It's not working.

When I said you need
to hunt for friends,

that's not what I meant.
- Yeah, you should have

gone for the blow g*n,
like I told you.

More of an element of surprise.

Shh!

Friend!

Why don't you
just say "hi."

Hi!
I'm Anais!

Hi, I'm Josh!
Do you want to be friends?!

Yes! Do you mind if
I do a little happy dance?!

Of course not!
Mind if I join you?!

See you for lunch!

Okay!

Did you see that?
He wants to be my friend!

Great.
How much did he charge you?

What?
Nothing.

- Hmm.
- That's weird.

Yeah, must be after something.

Did he look like
he needed a new kidney?

No, he just looked very happy.

Did he offer to
pack your suitcase

the next time
you go to the airport?

Is he in some crazy,
wacko organization

that worships crystals?
Or a space frog?

There's nothing wrong with him!

Why can't you be happy for me
for just one minute.

Ah, you know the old saying.

He who befriends the oddest ball
is the creepiest of them all.

That's not even a thing.
I've never heard of it before.

That's because the saying
that you never knew

is the one that
rings the most true.

Yeah, well, he who
only speaks in quotes

often forgets
to think for himself.

Mm, no.
Doesn't work.

Yeah, it's only true
if it rhymes.

He's just a nice guy,
not a fraud or a phony.

You two always talk
such a load of baloney.

That's it!
Wait, what?

Rude.

Huh.

So, Josh, tell me more
about yourself.

Do you like school?
Are you into music?

Have you ever been to prison?

Yes, yes, and no.

But not necessarily
in that order.

Yeah, this is going so well,
I hate it.

- What? Why?
- Because if you like me,

there must be
something wrong with you.

Well, to be honest, I do
have trouble making friends.

Darn it! That's another thing
we have in common.

But that's great, isn't it?
We should hang out this weekend.

Yes.
I genuinely look forward to it.

There's bound to be
something wrong with him.

Or is there
something wrong with me?

Hey, it's not him or you.

It's both of you.
- Ah, he's too perfect.

There's gotta be
something wrong with him.

Just say the word.

Do I have to?

Yeah, if you want us to find out
what's wrong with him.

Can't you just help me?

Say it.

Bro-Squad, activate!

I still don't get it.

It's simple.

To know what
a person's really like,

just watch how
he treats a waiter.

No, I mean why is
Darwin still doing that?

Aw! He just loves
the Bro-Squad stuff.

Quick, here he comes!

Hey.
Thanks for coming.

Hello, my name is, uh...

Ferzederlerp.

I am from far away land.

I be waiter of you today.

Here's tap water
for table of you.

Oh, no!
Ferzederlerp sorry!

That's okay.
I have thirsty feet.

You very funny.

What is name of you?
- Josh.

In my language,
Josh means toilet paper.

Nice meet you.

This hello from motherland.

What you like order?

A milkshake.

Coming right up.

Thank you.

What is this?

A meat shake...
Shake made of meat.

You like?
- No, no, it's great.

Ugh.

How dare you?!

This means great insult
in my country!

Oh, I'm sorry.
Which country are you from?

New Jersey.

Uh, can I get the check, please?

Here you go.
- Aha!

This is where we see
who you truly are!

Dagnabbit!

Not one word of complaint
and he gave me a % tip.

Uh, sorry, but who are you?

My brother.
I'm sorry. He's really weird.

- Hmm.
- Oh.

Well, at least he's not
as weird as that kid.

That's my other brother.

Okay. Any other weird family
members I should know about?

But that's outrageous!

This sandwich is nowhere near
as big as advertised.

I'm sorry, sir, but it does say
"Not to scale."

Well, I demand
to see your manager!

Guys, let's play spot and burn.

What's that?

A good way to see
how mean he really is.

Hello!
My name is Heady McThunderdome.

My head is so big
that my inner voice has an echo.

Echo, echo...

When I grow up, I want to be
a solar eclipse.

See, you spot someone,
and then you rag on them.

Like Marvin over there.

My face is so wrinkly
that it takes me an hour

to pull an expression!

Hey, I heard that!

Your turn!
This guy!

Uh...

Come on, I'll help you.

Howdy! I wear a giant hat
to compensate for...

Uh, the sun.

What?

- Okay, you can go.
- What?

- You're good. You can leave.
- Huh?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mmm.

What now?

You don't know, do you?

Yeah, he doesn't know.

How about we set up a situation

that tempts him
to commit a crime?

That's what I was gonna say!

Hmm!

- No, I wasn't.
- Hmm!

Wait, what if
we're wrong about him

and he's genuinely a nice guy?

Yeah!
What would that make us?

Yeah, we're in too deep now.

We may as well keep digging
and hope we find some dirt.

Can't you find
a better hiding place?

Hold on, I've got this.

Oh, good job. That doesn't
look suspicious at all.

Shh, here he comes!

He didn't see it.
- Draw his attention to it!

Make a wallet sound!

Wallet!

That's not the sound
a wallet makes!

You do it then if you're so...

Actually, that was really good.

Uh, guys?

Was that a trap?
Are you trying to set me up?

This is what you've been doing
all week, isn't it...

Trying to make me look bad,
testing me.

And you passed!

Anais, did you know about this?

The real question is this...

When you think about it,
can you ever truly know anyth...

Yes, I asked them to do it.

Well, it was nice knowing you.

Meh, we've had worse goodbyes.

Not you.
It was nice knowing her.

It was horrible knowing you two.

Well, at least it can't
get any worse, right?

Hey, sis, listen...
We've been thinking.

Yeah, I know.
But thanks to you,

I messed up the chance
to make a friend.

So here I am.
- No, no, no, I mean, you know,

you can just put one side
of the table upright

and then play against that.

Yeah, but that wouldn't make you
feel bad now, would it?

Hmm.

What do we do now?

There's only one solution.

We take some embarrassing photos
of Josh and blackmail him...

No, no, no!
There must be other solutions.

We just walk up to him
and straight-up lie.

Josh, you need to give Anais
another chance.

It's her last wish.

You see, she's suffering from...

No, that's equally wretched.

I got it!

We kidnapped your
pet snake and won't give it back

until you agree to be
Anais's friend!

But I don't have a pet snake.

Oh. In that case, we broke into
your house and removed a snake.

Okay.
Thanks.

You're welcome.

Maybe we're just gonna
have to apologize.

Wait, just one more.

And when I snap my fingers,

you will be friends with Anais.

There's no way
that's gonna work.

Oh, bite me.

No, no!

Okay, there's only one solution.

We grovel.

Okay, let's nip this in the butt
while there's still time.

Did you just say
"nip it in the butt"?

- Yeah.
- It's nip in the bud, dude.

No, it's nip it in the butt,
like a crab.

What?
No, it's...

You know what, whatever.

♪

Please forgive Anais!

Please, guys, guys, guys!

You don't have to do that.
- We don't?

No. If you're willing to go
this far for your sister,

she must really be worth it.

Everyone deserves
a second chance.

Well, everyone deserves
a th chance.

So we're...
We're friends?

Sure, we're friends.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

Measuring her up for her pod.

They do take some time to build.

- Pod?
- Yeah, now she's my friend,

she'll be cryogenically frozen
with me until the year

when our great and powerful
leader Kratok will be

finally hatched from
his meat egg and rule us all.

That's why we give him
all our money,

to help finish the construction
of his Grathian palace

on System .
- What?!

Look, here's the picture of him.

- That's...
- A frog.

Oh, silly me!

That's his assistant, Maurice.

This is Kratok.

As soon as it's not too early
to say I told you so,

do let me know.