01x23 & 01x24 - The Sock/The Genius

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Amazing World of Gumball". Aired: May 3, 2011 - June 24, 2019.*
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Revolves around the life of a 12-year-old cat named Gumball and his frequent shenanigans in the fictional American city of Elmore.
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01x23 & 01x24 - The Sock/The Genius

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme music playing]

Class! Time to hand in your homework!

What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?

-If we tell her the truth, she'll flip!
-Be cool, buddy. It'll be fine.

At least it's on time.

I wasn't built to take this much pressure!

Relax, man. We'll just tell her
what really happened.

[Lucy] All right, you two.

What's today's excuse?

[clears throat] Our Dad ate our homework.

[growling]

Go to the guidance counselor immediately!

But, Miss Simian--

And don't come back until you've learned
how to tell the truth!

[both groan]

And this is what the inside
of a liar looks like.

[both] Ew!

Notice the dark abyss here.

That's the corrupt soul of the liar.

But, Mr. Small, we're not liars.

Uh! You should tell that to the last boy
that sat there and lied to me.

He's there now.

The prison?

No, next to it.

The cemetery! What happened to him?

He just works there.

-[both sigh]
-Now, let me show you something.

This is the lying hat.

Now, watch what happens when I put it on.

-Your mother called.
-Oh!

She says she hates you.

[both gasp]

-She does?
-[shattering]

I think my heart just broke.

It's OK, kids. That was a lie.

[both sighing]

But, you see, that's what a lie
will do, hurt your feelings.

-She hates you.
-Aww!

-She loves you.
-Yay!

-Hates you!
-[sighs]

-Loves you.
-Yay.

Hates you. Loves you.

Hates you. Loves you.

Hates you. Loves you.
Hates you. Loves you.

Hates you. Loves you.
Hates you. Loves you.

[both panting]

So, what have we learned today?

Never trust a man in a hat.

Yes, but what else?

[both] Uh...

Honesty is the best policy.

-[both] Oh!
-Say it.

Honesty is the best policy.

Good. And again.

-Honesty is the best policy.
-Honesty is the best policy.

Honesty is the best policy.

Honesty is the best policy.

Honesty is the best policy...

OK, Darwin.

Remember, from now on,
we only tell the truth.

OK.

-Your face is too big.
-[gasps]

Well, when you say "S,"
your gills whistle.

[whistling] You smell so stinky, sailors
sing sea shanties about your stinkyness!

When you're asleep,
your face looks like this!

When you're awake,
your face looks like this!

You walk like a princess!

You walk like a pigeon!

OK. That's us covered.
Let's bring our honesty to the world.

You've got a mono-brow.

You've got no hands. Just being honest.

Your face is burnt.

-I love you.
-But he'll never make the first move.

He's having a party on Friday,
and he didn't invite you.

-What?
-Sorry, man.

You're just not cool enough.

Woah! This one is long overdue.

-Hey, Tina?
-[growls]

You smell, and it's not very ladylike.

It's like a sweaty watch strap.

Nah, it's more like raw chicken
and rancid milk in a plastic bag.

Yeah, that's been left in the sun
for a week.

OK, now that we have
your smelliness covered,

let's move on to your personality.

[low growling]

-Ow!
-Yep.

The truth hurts.

[Lucy mollycoddling] Oh, Nigel.

Let's leave all this behind
and go and live on a desert island.

But how would we survive?

On fruit, water...

and love.

Did you ask us in here for a reason?

Yes, of course, Watterson.

I've been getting a lot of complaints.

What on Earth's gotten into you?

Principal Brown, can I be honest with you?

I... [stammers] Yes.

I can't help thinking
that your relationship with Miss Simian

could be compromising
your professionalism.

I completely agree, Gumball.

And, frankly, I fear my education
is suffering as a result.

And besides, Principal Brown, you could do
so much better than that.

[both growling]

OK, so you got honesty wrong.

Perhaps we should try something else.

I'd like you to meet a friend of mine.

Uh, one second.

[groaning]

Hello, children.

I'm the Honesty Bear.

OK.

I'm here to explain that honesty's
not all black and white.

But, like my fur,
it's more of a gray area.

Gray. See that? Gray fur.

Now, there are some things that
are "too" honest to say out loud.

Honesty Bear, I'm confused.
What can we be honest about?

Let me put this in a language
you kids will understand,

Hippity rap!

H-h-h-h-honesty!

[record scratch]

Honesty!

Break it down!

When you want to be honest
Just beware

Truth hurts in this
Nitrogenic atmosphere

You got to wake up
Realize and recognize

Sometimes the truth
Has strategical lies

But keep them lies of
A manageable size

Or tears will arise
And hurt their eyes

So before you speak
It's best to remember

Each individual case will require
a specific judgment call,

depending on who you're talking to
and the context of the conversation!

Any questions? No? Excellent!

Goodbye.

Mmm.

OK, I think I got it.

You should always tell the truth,
unless you have to lie,

but if you do lie,
you should tell the truth about it,

unless you're talking to someone
who's lying,

because if they tell a lie
and you tell the truth,

it'll be a lie because you were
lying about telling the truth,

inside of a lie, so the whole thing's
a lie while still being true.

[Gumball sighs]

Man, this "truth and honesty" thing
is hard.

Has anyone seen the nurse?

I think my head may be on fire.

Is my head on fire?

Um...

Would it be a good thing or a bad thing
if it was on fire?

A bad thing, of course!

It's not on fire.

[relieved chuckle]

For a minute there,
I thought my head was on fire.

What a relief.

So, how are things with you, Watterson?

Uh... Yeah, not bad. You?

Pretty good, pretty good.

So, no more of that lying trouble, I hope?

Uh... [fake cough]

-No.
-All right, then.

Toodle-doo.

[fire alarm blaring]

Mmm...

OK.

Looks like I'm gonna have to
introduce you to someone else.

I'd like you to say hello
to the silence snake.

-Hello--
-Hello--

-Silence!
-[rattles]

-Bu--
-Silence!

[rattling]

Now, I bet your tiny minds are thinking,

"But what if there's something important
we need to say?"

Well, why don't you ask the silence snake?

[both whimpering]

Go on. He won't bite.

OK...

What--

Silence!

[rattling]

Well, it looks like my work here is done.

[sighs] Woah, woah! [groans]

Uh, boys?

Can you hear me?

Say something!

[rattling]

I think my knees are digging into my back.
You need to help me.

Now, there should be a little,
gold key on my desk.

Oh, don't worry! I've got it here.

Oh, gosh. Please, no!

Oh, wait! Maybe I can just--

-[pierces flesh, groans]
-[both shuddering]

OK, you need to get some help right now.
Right now!

[dials, rings]

[[Doughnut Sheriff] Elmore Police.

[gasps]

[rattling]

Hello? Hello?

I'm sick of these prank phone calls.

Mmm?

-Oh, it's just not the same.
-[door opens]

Oh, what now?

[muffled sounds]

[mocking sounds]

What's that supposed to mean?

[grunts]

[straining]

[panting]

What?

Miss Simian's trapped down
the old abandoned well?

I'm coming, my smoochkins!

[groaning]

Elbows, don't fail me now.

[groan]

So, anyway, the plan is
to live on fruit, water, and love.

Dude, I don't care.

Well, go back to fixing the toilets, then!

[muffled sounds]

What do you want?

What? I'm trapped down
the old abandoned well?

Oh, no! I'm coming!

[screaming]

Come on, chin.

Don't fail me now.

Woah, woah, woah! Slow down, little dudes.

[muffled grunting]

What's that?

Mr. Small rocked back smugly on his chair,

fell into the bottom drawer
of his filing cabinet,

it locked shut, and you want to use
these crowbars to break him out?

[both gasp, content hum]

See ya!

[effort grunts]

[Small] Boys, is that you?
Do something! Anything!

Ow!

Well, on the plus side, I think
that loosened the lock a little.

Keep going.

[Small groaning]

[gasps]

Just a thought, but maybe you want to
lever the drawer open with that crowbar.

[both grunting]

Freeze! Police! [gasps]

You're coming with me,
you little hooligans!

But--

[rattling]

[resigned sighs]

Why won't you talk? Talk, darn it! Talk!

Officer, there's clearly been
some kind of misunderstanding.

Well, ma'am, looking at their rap sheet,

it seems
they are not first-time offenders.

Multiple counts of antisocial behavior,
vandalizing school property

and setting their Principal on fire.

And all because you lied
about your father eating your homework.

OK!

I did it! [crying]

Take me away!

But why?

I thought it was gonna make me smart!

Well, it obviously didn't.

So, I guess you boys didn't lie after all.

Oh, I'm so proud of you two.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh, one more thing.

You don't happen to know
where Mr. Small is, do you?

The only clue we could find was this sock.

[rattling]

[both] Mm-hmm.

Oh, well. Case closed!

[Richard crying]
How can you take Darwin away from us?

Well, it seems he scored %
on his aptitude test.

This has never happened before,
so I had to tell the government.

The government?

Yes, they want to test him out,
study his brain, probe it,

dissect it, that kind of thing.

[squeaks]

[man] Please resolve the following
equation using the marker pen provided.

Mmm. Mmm.

Hmm?

It's best they take him away.
He'd make the rest of you feel stupid.

I guess he's got a point.

So you put clever people in quarantine

like they're some sort of
contagious pathological disease?

Mmm...

Maybe there's more than
one genius in this family.

[gasps] What I meant was...

[blows raspberry]

[singing gibberish]

[blows raspberry]

Apparently not.

Phew!

What makes you think
I'll let you take away my son?

Well, technically, you're not his parents.
He's registered as a...

Pet fish.

Richard, what are we going to do?

Get a new pet fish?

I'll save you, my little fish boy.

Mr. Watterson,
that is a stationary closet.

-Can we visit him?
-No.

Are you saying
we'll never see Darwin again?

Yep.

Then I'll go with him
by proving I am a genius, too!

[laughter]

[laughter continues]

[grunts]

I need to become intelligent right now!

Quick, Gumball, to the liberray!

The libararara!

The... libarium?

[crying]

I had so much more love to give!

[Nicole]
No one will ever be able to replace him.

Hey, dudes.

Oh, hi, Rocky. What's with the suitcase?

Oh, I kind of got rent troubles,
and I don't want to stay at my parents'.

Hey! Can I crash at your place?

Please?

Woah!

Hmm. I got to find something
that will make me smart.

What do you reckon, Darwin?

Oh...

[male] Hey look, Salsola collina,

more commonly known as Russian thistle,
wind witch,

or, if you're really stupid, a tumbleweed.

I love being smart.

That's it!

I need a bigger head.

[inhales]

Inconceivable.

Maths will always hold
a special place in my timetable.

Greetings, fellow crusader of knowledge.

What's your favorite subject?

[high-pitched noise]

Calculus?

Trigonometry?

-Hey, hey, come on. Spit it out.
-[beep]

That guy is such a gluteus maximus.

Hey, Bobert. Whatcha doin'?

I'm on the Internet, the largest source
of knowledge in the world.

Why don't you get connected?

Uh, hi. Hello? Is that the Internet?

[sighs] You need to click the icon.

[mocking] "You need to click the icon."

[normal] Which one is the icon?

Dude, it's the only thing on the screen.

[Gumball] I knew that.

Woah!

[laughter]

It's beautiful!

I can feel it!

-I'm totally learning something--
-[system hangs]

[ping]

-[system rebooting]
-[Gumball groaning]

What... happened?

Your memory could not cope. You crashed.

I had to reboot you.

Oh, come on!

There's got to be something
in this library making people smart.

This is such a great book!

I'd like to borrow this book, please.

-Book? Book, book, book! Book, book!
-Book. Book!

That's it! They're all watching books.

-Hey.
-Shh.

-Hey.
-Shh.

-Hey.
-Shh.

I think my book is broken.

I've been watching it for ages,
and I'm still not smart.

-You don't watch books. You read them.
-Shh.

People are trying to work.

OK, Brain, let's get reading.

[gasps]

[grunting] "Once... upon... a... time..."

That's it. I'm out of here!
I've had enough. I'm off to watch TV.

Hey! Where do you think you're going?

I didn't sign up for this. I quit!

You can't quit.

There's no way I'm gonna pass a test
without a brain.

Please. I need you.

We'll never pass. I'm stupid.

Then... then I'm going to make you smart,
like Darwin!

[man] Uh, sir?

You appear to have
a bit of ink on your face.

Are you sure
there's nothing else you want, honey?

Ask for anything!

Well, can I have two cans of soda?

-Quick, Richard, the fridge.
-[whoosh]

Oh, and some jelly beans.

-But only the yellow ones!
-[Richard] OK!

Uh, are you sure there's nothing else
to wear, Mrs. Watterson?

Please, honey, you can call us
"Mom" and "Dad."

-[Brain crying]
-[Gumball] Read it!

-[Brain] I can't!
-[Gumball] Read it!

[Brain] So difficult! [bawls]
Don't make me!

Aren't you tired of being so useless?

Years and years of insults and abuse.

Remember...

Another "F" for you, pea brain!

-Doofus.
-Loser!

[all laughing]

OK, I'm ready.

Then prove it.

-[groans]
-This may take a while.

[groans]

[music playing]

I was a feeble-minded guy

I'd slip on ice and wonder why

So many obstacles were thrown my way

On a downward slide each and every day

But something popped inside my brain

I got up to fight that fight again

And I knew what to do

I went through the mental pain

You gotta think big

Think deep

Pretty soon
You'll make that quantum leap

Think big

Think smart

Make your brain your finest body part

The greatest minds from yesterday

Will be crushed to dust
'Cause I'm on my way

Think big, big

You gotta think big

Oh... [inhales]

-[screams]
-[mug shatters]

I want to take the aptitude test!

[scoffs] You don't have the brain
of a genius, Watterson.

We'll see about that.

Come on, Brain,
show Principal Brown what you can do.

[huffs and puffs]

What the-- What is wrong with you?

-I meant do an equation or something.
-Oh!

[Principal Brown groaning]

Sorry.

I always pictured it a little smaller.

I've been working out.

[humming]

Hey, dudes, want some popcorn?

Dad, can I borrow Mom's car tonight?

Sure, son. Anything you like.

Man, my Dad is a righteous dude.

Mom?

What's going on here?

Oh! Well,
this is your new brother. Rockwin.

'Sup?

You're kidding, right?

Come on. Let's just all give it a try.
Just for a moment.

[starts humming nervously]

It's not working!

-[sighs] You're right. It's not--
-Just a minute!

[hums a tune]

No, it's not working.

[increasingly squeaky voice]
I miss Darwin so much!

[all sigh in repetition]

-All right! It was me!
-What?

It was me who filled out
Darwin's aptitude test.

I found it on the TV guide.

I should be the one who gets taken away.

So Darwin's not a genius?

No. I am.

[doorbell rings]

Darwin!

Hello.

We believe this is yours.

[all cheering]

-Welcome back, buddy.
-We missed you so much.

Don't ever go away again.

What a conveniently happy ending.

[male voice] Not so fast.

-[all gasp]
-Hey! I said it was a happy ending!

You still owe us one genius.

What do you mean?

Well, it's obvious
he didn't take that test.

But someone in this house did,

and this warrant says that
we get to take that person away.

Who is it?

[clears throat]

I know who it is.

[gasps] Be quiet!

Don't listen to him.
He's insane in the membrane.

Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.

No, you don't! You're stupid!
We've established that!

-Let the brain speak.
-[gasps]

[heart beats]

[burps]

Sorry.

The person who took the test was...

[screaming]

-Him!
-Uh?

-Rocky?
-Me?

Oh...

Yeah, I took that test.

Then get your suitcase.
You're coming to the Research Center.

What, you mean, like, for free?

Well, of course.

Uh, definitely beats my parents' place.

Oh, and I'm gonna need a hot tub, too,

'cause I do most of my thinking
in the bath.

-See ya, Rocky!
-Bye, Rocky.

Bye!

That was really smart, Brain.
Darwin's back home.

Can I come home, too?

Are you kidding me?
Get in there, little dude.

Woo-hoo!

High five!

Oh, and a pepperoni pizza?

Then will you solve the equation?

Yeah, yeah.

After my pedicure.

[theme music playing]
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