01x33 & 01x34 - The Microwave/The Meddler

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Behold, Darwin,
the grossest thing ever!

I shall name it The Gross Jar!

It will be my legacy
to the world!

It's the coolest thing ever.

But I thought my tap-dancing dolphin
impression was the coolest thing ever.

[imitating dolphin, tap dancing]

Yeah, but this just literally
blew you out of the water.

[sad dolphin noise]

-What's inside?
-Well...

OK.

So, what are you gonna do with it?

Yeah, well, that's the problem.
I don't really know.

It needs a final touch
to make it a true masterpiece.

[both gasp] Nuke it!

Could you tell me when my coffee's ready?
I'll be in the garden.

What's going on?

[electricity crackles]

-[both scream]
-It's looking at me!

-Dude, where did you find an eyeball?
-I-- I didn't.

It must be the atomic power
of the microwave.

[microwave dinging]

It looks like it's alive.

Mama.

Did you hear that? It called you "Mom."

Hmm. Then I guess that makes you its dad.

Its dad? [screams]

What are we gonna do?
I don't want to be a baby father!

-Let's ditch it!
-Shh.

Don't say stuff like that in front of him!

I mean, come on.
He's kind of cute. Hello, little guy.

Don't you worry about a thing.

Me and your father
will take care of everything.

Darwin! Where do you think you're going?

Uh... Buy some stuff? At the shop?

What are you doing? He's your son.

[muffled voice]

[crying]

I'm sorry, little guy.
From now on, I'll always be there for you.

-[Gumball gasps]
-[grunting]

Darwin, I think he's ready
for his first steps.

Wait!

Go ahead.

Come on. Don't be shy. Come to Daddy.

Aww.

He's kind of got my eyes. Don't you think?

-Aah! He's got my top lip, too!
-Dude, it's what babies do.

-He's just suckling.
-It's not suckling! It's eating!

OK, relax. He's just playing.
He'll come off on his own.

OK. OK. OK.

-Aah! His teeth are sinking in!
-OK, that's enough! Bad baby!

Stop mauling your father
and get back in your jar this insta--

-Aah! He's got my neck!
-I know what it is.

He must be hungry.

[glass jar shattering]

[snarling]

OK, so it doesn't like fruits,
vegetables, or cereal.

But it does like pigeons, rats, raccoons,
seagulls, and the mailman's butt.

What was all that noise? What are
you two up-- Aah! What is that thing?

-It's our baby.
-What are you talking about?

-Where did you find it?
-It came out of the microwave.

Are you sure it didn't
come out of the toilet?

It's disgusting.

They always look a bit funny
when they're just born.

He's actually very advanced for his age.

You should have seen him
catch that seagull.

What? You let that monster out?

Look, I was trying to be nice here,

but you better stop insulting our child
or I don't know what I'll do.

It's not a child!
And what is it doing in my high chair?

Don't listen to her, Kenneth.
She's just jealous.

-You called it "Kenneth"?
-Baby needs a name.

Look, like it or not,
you're Kenneth's aunt.

Now, we're gonna buy more pigeon traps.
You babysit.

Are you crazy?
Where do you think you're--

-[door closes]
-Ugh.

[grumbling]

I guess you're kind of ugly cute.

[continues grumbling]

What kind of animal are you?

Wow, those are pretty pointy teeth.

[screams]

[Gumball] Kenneth, we're home!

Ah! What a mess.

-Where's Anais?
-Eh, I knew she'd bail.

Gumball, has Kenneth grown?

Grown into a troublemaker.

-This place is a mess! Naughty Kenneth.
-[doorbell rings]

[man] Parcel for the Wattersons.

[door opens]

[mailman screams]

-Did Kenneth just eat the mailman?
-Uh, no, no, no. That's not possible.

-Not my Kenneth.
-Well, where is he, then?

What do I know-- Mailing?

I'm more worried about Kenneth.

Does it look to you like
he's gaining weight?

I'm more worried about his attitude.

This boy needs discipline.

[sighs] I think we need parental advice.

[Gumball] So, um, we're doing
this school project.

Uh-huh.

And, uh, we've got to look after
this, uh, gross dog thing.

I'm with you.

-And we need your help disciplining it.
-OK.

It's pretty simple--
kind of like children, actually.

The first thing you have to do
is let it know you're the pack leader,

so you look them in the eyes
and tell them firmly you're the boss.

Now, you've been a naughty doggy!

-Dad, he's got your finger.
-Well, that's to be expected, son.

The best thing to do is to remain calm
and reassert your authority.

Yeah, but it seems to be eating your arm.

Ha ha ha.

It's just testing its boundaries.

The worst you can do is give it attention
for negative behavior.

I have always found
that a positive-reinforcement approach

-is the best way to--
-Dad!

-Kenneth's eaten Dad!
-Probably Anais, too!

We've got to save them!

[roars]

We'll save them later!

[both scream]

Hey, kids. Sorry I'm late. I--
Ow! What the--

Mom, something terrible in the garden--
became in the microwave

and became alive and swallowed the mailman
and Dad and Anais and wanted to eat us,

-and we got here, and--
-What?

What Gumball is trying to say is
the Microwave Monster-- [gibberish]

It's horrible and it's in the garden,
and it's really dangerous!

-We need to build an army and...
-OK, OK.

Slow down, boys. Where's your father?

[Gumball gasps]

[Gumball and Darwin scream]

It turned into a monster,
and now it's coming to get us!

Oh, for goodness' sake.
It's probably just a raccoon.

I'll go and check. You stay here.

[both] No! Don't go outside!

Richard?

Where are you?

What's wrong with the kids?

They haven't been this scared
since you made them wax your back.

Richard, you better not be
trying to scare me.

[gasps] Huh?

-[duck inflates]
-Oh.

Aww. [laughs]

Richard?

Richard, stop playing games.

[roars]

Richard?

[screams]

[both screaming] Mom!

This is all our fault!
It's because we're bad parents!

Kenneth has grown up
to be a troubled child.

A troubled child that eats people!
We've got to do something!

You're right. No video games for a week.

Uh, grounded for two weeks?

OK. Let's send him to boarding school.

Stop being so soft!
We have to stop him now!

[owl hoots]

-What was that? Oh.
-It's an owl.

[twig cracks]

-What was that? Oh.
-A twig.

Oh.

[flapping]

-What was that?
-That's my butt cheek quivering with fear.

-Really?
-Yeah. Look.

-[roars]
-[screaming]

Darwin, this is our chance!

[both shouting]

-[thudding]
-[Richard and Anais] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

-[both gasp]
-Are you all right in there?

Partly digested and a little cramped,
but otherwise fine.

Just get us out of here, please!

[both groan]

Dude, we gotta do something.

I got it!

Tie the hosepipe around me,
so that all I have to do is dive

into his mouth, grab everyone,
make a human chain...

and when I say, "OK,"
you simply pull us out.

-Got it? Let's go!
-[Kenneth growling]

Yeah! Did it! Everybody, hold tight.

-OK, Gumball, now pull!
-Gotcha!

[grunting]

-OK, this isn't working.
-Well, think of something else!

Our lives depend on you!

Uh, I hate to tell you this,
but I got nothin'.

No, no, no! Kenneth,
please don't eat me! Please!

If you like eating people,
I'll bring you some, like a good mother.

And maybe a salad once in a while

because you're starting
to get a little bit chubby.

[gasps]

Here's your package. Have a nice day.

[all] Gumball!

-Great idea, turning on the hose.
-Oh... [chuckles] ...it was nothing.

Just quick thinking, you know?
I work best when I'm under pressure.

It definitely wasn't an accident
or anything.

Aww, Kenneth. Look at you now.

You're as sweet as when you were born.
Who could imagine he'd turn into such a--

-[Richard] Aah!
-Dad, no!

Are you kidding me?
That thing ate me and barfed me!

-I'm gonna end this right now!
-But, but he didn't mean it.

It's just that we've been bad parents!

Gumball, that thing
is a man-eating monster!

Yes, maybe he eats people once in a while,
but maybe, just maybe

he needs some love and understanding.

We are responsible
for the future generations.

We make the children that will become
the world of tomorrow.

Don't blame Kenneth.

Blame yourselves,
because you're my parents, too.

What?

Look at him. He won't hurt anyone now.

Doesn't this poor creature
deserve a second chance?

Uh-huh-huh.

-OK.
-OK.

Trust me, guys--
This time, it'll be different.

[sirens blaring]

[roaring]

On second thought,
we probably should have listened to Dad.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[scoffs] When's someone gonna invent a TV
that flicks its own channels?

Hey, honey. How was work?

[snoring]

Is dinner ready yet?

Hey, Mom, Dad, guess what!
I got a B-plus in Home Ec today!

Miss Simian said my soufflé was divine.

-Yeah. Yeah, that's very interesting.
-[Nicole continues snoring]

I also learned how to do a cartwheel.
You guys want to see?

Yeah, yeah. I'm very proud of you, son.

Huh.

I also crashed your car on the run
from the police after I robbed a bank.

Uh-huh. Good for you.

[whistling, wails]

My leg! It's broken!
I probably need to get it cut off!

[continues wailing]

And yet nobody cares.

What do I have to do
to get noticed in this house?

[gasps]

What?

Richard, I think Gumball needs
some attention.

Maybe you should go and play catch.

Yeah, yeah,
we're all very proud of you, Nicole.

Oh!

[thud]

What?

Listen, honey, I'm sorry you've not been
getting enough attention lately.

I'm going to make it up to you
starting tomorrow.

[scoffs] Why not now?

[Nicole snores]

[sighs]

[school bell ringing]

So, uh, Penny, want to hang out after
school? I'll show you my cartwheel.

I've seen it.
It's not as good as it sounds.

Sorry, Gumball.
It's cheerleader tryouts tonight.

I've been practicing all year for this.
Another time, though.

[chuckles] OK. No problem.
I love you, Penny.

-What?
-What? Oh, nothing.

I just said I love peanuts. Yeah, peanuts.

They taste so good.

Gumball, I am a peanut.

That's like me saying I like to eat cats.

Maybe you should think twice
about the things you say.

But I did think twice.

Well, maybe you need to think three times.

Anyway, see you later.

Wait! I didn't say, "peanuts"!

I said, "ponies"! I love ponies!

They taste of nuts! Oh, whatever.

Maybe you need to talk
with your mouth shut.

Is that really the way you talk to girls?

[both gasp]

Mom? What are you doing here?

Well, you said you wanted more attention,
so I followed you to school.

But by the looks of it,
you need more than attention.

You need serious help, little man.

Aw, Mom, if you're seriously going
to follow us around all day,

-do you really need to hold my hand?
-Yes.

Yay! Mom's at school!

And it's not all day. It's all week.

I took the night shift.

[groans]

[all laughing]

Hey, Mom, need a diaper for that baby?

Actually, I am fully potty trained,
so check your facts, all right?

You know you got them good
when their voices go high.

-Gumball, are you really gonna take that?
-She just owned you.

What? You got a better idea?

Well, first of all, drop an octave.

Then give her a taste of her own medicine.
Try this.

[whispers]

Uh, Tina, I'd just like to say
that maybe you only bully people

because you're insecure
about your walnut-sized brain

and the fact that you smell
like a sweaty butcher.

I'll have you know that smell
is a glandular problem!

[laughs] "Glandular."

-Wow. It actually worked.
-[laughs] Yeah, that was funny.

But good luck when Tina comes back

and your mom's not around
to hold your hand.

Don't worry, gummy-puss. I'll hold
your hand until college if I have to.

[laughs] "Gummy-puss."

Oh, Mom, stop embarrassing me!

Oh, it burns!

My eyes! What was that?

Uh, I don't know, paint?

-Aah! My hair! What was that?
-Uh, uh...

Chlorine from the pool?

[screams] What was that?

Uh, fertilizer?

Oh, I guess it's all right, then.

But that's still two hours of detention

for potentially damaging
my beautiful face.

Really, Principal Brown,
you need to be firmer than that.

Oh, OK.

Four hours' detention.

[dings]

-Eight hours?
-[ding]

Hmm. Good.
See you in detention, Watterson.

Mom, you're not helping.

[alarm blaring]

[music playing]

[laughs] The nerds think you look like
a dodeca-dork with your mom at school.

-[laughs] What does that mean? [laughs]
-It's a -sided dork, honey.

Mom, you're not helping.

Mom, you're not helping!

[Nicole imitating train]

Come on, honey.
Open the tunnel for the choo-choo train.

Mom, you're not help--

Enough!

The Tina thing was kind of helpful,
but this has gone too far!

Wait a minute. [choking]

[burps]

Thanks.

Now, seriously, I need you
to stop meddling with my life!

I'm not meddling. I'm helping.

Helping by meddling.
You're just a big meddler!

I'm not a meddler. I'm your mother!

And a meddler.

[Penny laughs]

-Hey! Isn't that the girl you like?
-Mom, no!

Excuse me, Penny. Have you got a second?

Sure. But you guys will need to be quick.

The cheerleader tryouts
are about to start.

Mom, if you love me, please don't do this.

Come on, gummy-puss. Don't be shy.
My baby has something to say to you.

No, I don't.

He'd like to take you out on a date.

-That's not true.
-He loves you.

-Really?
-No, I don't!

I don't love Penny, and I never will!

Gumball!

Well, thanks for being honest with me.

No, wait! I meant I'll never love peanuts!

No-- ponies!

See what you did? You upset Penny!

How am I supposed to get her back?

Well, you know,
I could help you with that.

That's enough! OK? That's enough!

I'm my own man now!

I make my own decisions, and
I don't need you babying me anymo--

Anymo--

Thanks.

-Now, just go home, OK?
-Oh, come on.

We all had a great time.
Didn't we, Darwin?

To be honest, I've never been
so embarrassed in my entire life!

Why are you smiling, then?

Well, at first,
I was trying not to hurt your feelings,

but now I'm just stuck!

I beg of you, just get out of my life.

OK. I guess I'll just go home, then.

[phone ringing]

Mom, you've got to come back!
I made my own decision!

It was a bad one--
a really, really bad one!

Oh, thank goodness she's gone.
I'll never smile again.

-Darwin!
-Mom, you're back! Yay!

Do you know where your brother is?

-In the changing room.
-Thanks.

-Gumball, it's me. Open the door.
-[crying] No! No, I won't!

-What happened?
-Oh, it's awful.

I made a decision on my own,
and it was bad.

Listen, whatever it is you've done,
you need to come out and face it.

All right. All right. I'm coming out.

Oh, you were gonna try and get closer
to Penny by joining her Cheer team,

but now you feel embarrassed
because you have to wear a skirt.

What? No!

I'm gonna b*at Penny at her own game

so she'll realize how awesome
and manly I am.

Then she'll definitely want to date me.

Right. So, what's the problem?

The problem is me!

What if I'm not
as good as the other girls?

What if they laugh at me?

And this leotard makes me look fat,
so I put this skirt on to hide my butt.

What exactly do you want me to do, honey?

Uh, hello? Be there, of course?

I need emotional support.

You're my Mom. Start acting like it.

[inhales sharply]

OK, let's go.

[up tempo music playing]

Tsk-tsk

Now, Penny, I have to say,
I'm a little disappointed.

I know.

It's just I had some emotional problems
this afternoon--

You leave your emotions at the door!
This is cheerleading, not drama club!

You better shape up or ship out,
'cause this is the big leagues, sister,

and right now
you're at the bottom of the barrel!

Is there anything you'd like to add,
Principal Brown?

Only that we're making cuts today,
and after that performance,

someone's going to have to be pretty bad
for it not to be you.

Am I too late?

[music playing]

No!

Mom...

[pants]

[continues panting]

-Well, it's a no for me, Mr. Small.
-It's a no for me, too.

That's two nos, Gumball.
You're going home.

No!

Mom, make them recount the score!

Make them recount the score!

Well, zero plus zero equals zero, honey.

Why is the world so cruel?

Don't worry. You'll do better next time...

After a couple of years intense training.

Oh, Gumball, thank you!

It was so brave of you to sacrifice
your dignity so I can get on the team.

I guess that means you do like me.

Just a little?

[babbles]

Peanuts.

Ponies. [crying]

I think that means "yes."

Mom, you know when
I said I wanted to be my own man

-and make my own decisions?
-Yes.

-Can it just wait for a few years?
-The longer, the better, honey.

Even when you're ,
you'll still be my gummy-puss.

[theme music playing]