02x13 & 02x15 - The Skull/Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

What are we gonna do?

I don't know,
but we're running out of time!

[Lucy] Get out of there! Hurry up!

-I can't do it!
-You don't have a choice!

Why are we screaming like this anyway?

Because showering
with other people is disgusting.

More disgusting than soap dodging?

It's not soap dodging.
It's preserving my dignity.

Come on, it's just a shower.
Everybody has to take one.

Hey, guys, why don't you just
wet your hair and say you had a shower?

Isn't that lying?

I prefer to call it creative truth.

[both gasp]

[both gasp]

Quick, give me your towel.
I'll block the pipe.

[screaming]

[groans]

[chuckles]

[alarm blaring]

Could one of you boys please explain

how $ , of damage
was caused in the space of seconds?

Well, you see,
what happened was we... [stuttering]

I think what my friend was about to say
is we caught a guy

trying to steal from the lockers,
and we had a fight.

I was like, "Drop the wallet, punk."

And he was, like, bang, bang.
But I was, like, pow, pow.

So I threw him across the room,
and the locker went smash,

and he was just about to pound me

when my boys Gumball and Darwin
came out of the shower.

And the three of us trashed him,
so he jumped out the window and ran off.

And what did this guy look like?

Uh, he was just a guy, you know.

A guy. Hmm.

And what did his face look like?

Face, like, with facial features
all around his face.

Anything distinctive?

Uh...

Big skull!

He had a big skull for a head.

Skull. Hmm.

So, something like this?

That's a boat.

[mumbling] Yes, well, I've never been
very good at drawing faces.

Boys, I commend you for your bravery
and your personal hygiene.

Now go and put some clothes on.

Good job, team.

Dude, I think you're a bad influence.
We should have just told the truth.

And let the whole school know
we're soap dodgers? No way, man.

We just need to draw a line
under this and never see each other again.

What? Because I lied?

I did that for us
because I thought we were friends now.

We are friends, right?

-Fine, but only if you promise not to lie.
-Scout's honor.

-You've never been a scout, have you?
-No.

OK! Last chance starting now!

Oh, you won't regret this.
Come on, let's go.

[sighs]

[fabric stretching]

[all laughing]

[roaring]

[exclaims]

[laughing]

[both] Ooh.

And then they gave me another medal.

-Dude, you're lying again.
-Yeah.

All that actually happened today

was me rescuing Penny from
a tribe of time-traveling troglodytes,

-and then we made out.
-Uh, no.

All I did today was go to school,
and now I'm on the school bus.

[gasps]

She's right, Darwin.
He's contaminated us with his dirty lies.

We got to stop ourselves lying
before it gets any worse.

-Electric-shock collars?
-Yeah.

Every time we lie, we press this button,
which gives us a mild electric shock.

OK.

-So, Clayton, what did you do today?
-Well, that's easy.

I found a tiger, and then I got a medal.

[groaning]

Darwin, same question.

Well, I woke up.

Uh-huh.

And I ate breakfast.

-What did you have?
-Cereal!

I had cereal!

And there was a wizard in the box,
and he taught me how to fly!

[screaming]

Your turn.

Is it true that, when you were coming back
from having your appendix removed...

Please don't do this.

...and you said you were still woozy
from the medicine...

Come on, man.
You said you'd never bring this up.

...you kissed Sussie?

[sighs] Just do it.

[screams]

You said "mild electric shock."
That was like lightning!

[both screaming]

OK! OK! OK!

[laughing]

Clayton, your question.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, but she lives abroad.

[screaming]

Hey, I didn't press it yet.

Wait a minute.
His one isn't even turned on!

That's double lying, man!

This friendship is over!

You should think twice about this.

I know some people who can make
life very difficult for you.

My girlfriend's brothers
are in the FBI and--

Just get out.

[school bell rings]

Gumball, I've been thinking.

I thought you were at the dentist.

I, uh, I was, but then I realized
there's no bigger cavity in life

than the hole left in your heart
when you lose a friend.

-What are we talking about here?
-Clayton.

We need to give him one more chance.

Dude, he's had more chances
than I've had showers.

-What's that, like, five?
-Whatever.

Look, if it means that much to you,

I'll give him one more chance,
but that is it.

Coming to science?

I'll catch up with you.

Hey, Darwin. I've been thinking.

There's no bigger cavity in life
than the hole left in your heart...

[all three laughing]

Hey, who's this?

I'm a banana milkshake!

So much funnier
than when Banana Joe does it.

[operatic music playing]

I'm so pleased you convinced me
to give Clayton one last chance.

Convinced you? But you convinced me.

[both gasp]

[sobbing]

Who has upset Clayton?

[operatic music playing]

What did you bullies say to Clayton?

Wow, that's a really convincing Simian,
but there's a few things you've missed.

The real Simian has way more nose hair.

And her eyes are more bulging.

Her hair's disgustingly greasy.

Oh, and she dribbles a lot.

And she's got horns because she's evil.

Oh, and she's always got
a sausage in her mouth.

[both laughing]

You're not Clayton, are you?

[growling]

What exactly is going on here?

[both] We lied!

We lied about everything.

We made up the skull guy
because Clayton trashed the locker room.

So punish us!

[sobbing] Punish us like the dirty
soap-dodging liars we are!

[chuckles] I see no need for punishment.

You've told the truth,
and that's what's important.

We should never speak of this again.

Now, run back to class
and don't forget to make up with Clayton.

[sighs]

I just need a couple of signatures
from you, please.

-Why?
-Razor's returned from suspension today.

[Nigel] Razor?

You know, the kid we suspended
for smashing up the locker room.

[Clayton] He's real?

[Nigel] Uh, I mean, what?

He's in that band Soldiers of Pain.

They're pretty hard-core.

I got to go.

How about a little kiss before you go?

I got to go... out this window!

[exhales]

[sniffs]

Guys! Guys! Guys! The skull guy,
he's real! He's real!

Yeah, sure.

The skull guy that I made up
actually exists.

Oh, don't tell me.

He's seven foot tall, covered in tattoos,

and he's about to burst through
those very...

-doors.
-You know what time it is?

-Time to change my pants?
-No.

It's time to kick some butt.

-[both screaming]
-You're next.

Uh, Clayton, you got a plan "B"?

[all] Yeah, literally.

[buzzing]

[groaning]

[growls]

Uh, can I get a little help here?

You're going down.

[whimpers]

We'll see about that.

[exclaiming]

[screams] Clayton! Watch out!

Clayton, why do you lie all the time
when you can do such cool stuff?

Because I wanted to impress you guys.
I think you're really cool.

No, you're way cooler.

No way. You're the cool one.

Don't be silly.
You're the coolest guy I...

[laughing]

[screams] He's getting even bigger!

Relax. I know what to do.

Clayton, hurry up!

[screams] Get down!

[grunting]

[sighs]

-Yeah!
-All right!

I knew he wouldn't fit through that--

[roars]

I'm gonna smack you purple.

-[gasps] We're doomed!
-Hold me.

Is this really gonna help?

No, I mean put me on your shoulder.

-OK, can we fire now?
-Not yet.

We only have one sh*t.

-[Darwin] He's coming! He's coming!
-Not yet.

[Darwin screaming]

OK, time to put the skeleton
back in the closet.

And then Razor exploded
into a million pieces,

and the army showed up,
and they gave me a medal and--

Dude, that's not what happened at all.

Look, I made up the skull guy,

and Razor happened to fit his description
and got expelled.

And he didn't att*ck us.

-He just came by to say thanks.
-Yeah.

Me getting suspended gave our band
way more street cred.

Just last night, we had, like,
three more downloads on our website.

Well, I'm glad to hear
that Razor is innocent,

but that still doesn't explain
what you were doing

when the locker room was destroyed.

Oh, I'm sure Clayton will have
a very believable explanation for that.

We were soap dodging.

Gross.

♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪

♪ It's the second-best day of the year ♪

Merry Christmas.

Go! Go! Go!

♪ When the air is fizzing full
Of Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Only one more sleep until Santa's here ♪

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[jingle stops]

[groans]

[all gasping]

[Richard]
I ran over Santa on Christmas Eve!

I'm definitely on the Naughty List now.

Wait! Good deeds cancel bad ones.

-Come on! Push!
-What?

-I'll save you!
-[blowing]

I'm a doctor! I'm on a break!

[monitor beeps]

[exclaiming]

[expl*si*n]

I can assure you, sir, that
this homeless man is not Santa Claus,

but he is concussed, has no memory,
no ID, and now he's your problem.

What?

We're not keeping an unwashed stranger
in my house on Christmas Eve.

[Gumball] Mom? [sniffles]

[sighs] Fine.

So, where is your home, sir?

I-- I can't remember.

[Nicole exclaims]

-This is a very nice house you have.
-You like it? It's yours.

-What would you like to eat?
-Cookies!

-Everyone knows they're Santa's favorite.
-[sighs]

Your children are very sweet, too.

-Take them!
-Here, help yourself, sir.

Your wife's cookies look delicious.

She's yours!

Richard, aren't there some good deeds
to do somewhere else?

-Yes! Got to get back on the Nice List!
-[door opens, closes]

OK, I've got to run a bath for our guest.

[whispers] If he touches anything,
clean it... with fire.

OK, come on, Santa,
we've got to get your memory back.

Now, finish this sentence.
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Chr...

Creepy kids looking at me funny?

You can have your cookie when the fate
of Christmas is no longer at stake!

OK, we need some familiar surroundings

to get your Santa instincts
to kick back in.

Wait here.

[Santa] Ho, ho, ho.

Hello, little-- [screams]

OK, ask her what she wants for Christmas.

What do you want?

Come on, Santa,
put some Christmas into it.

[sighs]
Ho-ho-ho, what do you want, little girl?

I want four ponies, one for the bedroom,
one downstairs, one for the bathroom,

and a spare one
no one else is allowed to use.

And I want a princess tiara

and a prince to marry me
when I'm old enough

so I never have to work like Mom.

Well, I don't think it's right
to give kids whatever they want

or they end up spoiled brats,
like this one.

[grunting]

See? This is the problem
with kids these days.

I know.
All I want for Christmas is world peace.

Well, that's just impractical.

-Can I go on your lap now?
-No.

So, can I have my cookie now?

[all three] No!

[grunts]

I think we all started off
on the wrong foot here.

-I know! That's true!
-I'm sorry, Santa...

[all chattering]

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

-Let's just hug it out.
-[all sighing]

[tires screech]

Don't you think that
instead of hugging a filthy stranger,

you should be apologizing for causing

thousands of dollars of damage
at the mall?

We're just trying to help Santa.

For the last time, he's not Santa!

Oh, I wish we were
a normal family sometimes.

Then my husband
could talk some sense into you

instead of running around the neighborhood
like a maniac.

[Richard] Christmas good deeds!
Free windshield wash!

-[honking]
-[tires screeching]

[Christmas jingle playing]

[Christmas jingle playing off-key]

Merry Christmas!

Come on, Santa.
You need to go up as well as down.

I don't think he's gonna make it.

He just needs some encouragement.

Anais, get me the matches.

[man shouting]

Kids, I think we need to have
a little conversation.

Let me tell you something
about Santa Claus,

there is no Santa Claus.

[all gasp]

I think all the innocence
just left my body.

When I was a little girl,
there was only one thing I ever wanted,

so every year, I wrote a letter to Santa,
asking for the same present.

I hoped and hoped and hoped again,

but he never came.

And that's how I learned
the terrible truth,

Santa Claus doesn't exis--

Kids? Kids?

Oh, kids, come back.

I'm sorry!

♪ Silence the ringing ♪

♪ Turn off all the lights ♪

♪ Stop all this singing
No dinner tonight ♪

♪ Come shed a tear for wishes unanswered ♪

♪ Give back your gifts
For Christmas is canceled ♪

♪ Chop down the tree ♪

♪ For Christmas is canceled ♪

Oh, no!

Some rebellious young person
defaced this pretty fence!

It's lucky I'm here to fix it!

-[siren blaring]
-Aah!

Trouble!

Ow!

[sniffs]

[both screaming]

Huh?

Yes! Santa's sleigh!

[chuckles]
I'm totally gonna save Christmas!

[grunts]

Go!

Uh, giddyup!

Activate!

[grunts]

[screaming]

So, do you want to come in for a cookie?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I-- I've been enough of a burden
and a disappointment.

I'll be on my way now.

Thank you for believing
I was someone special.

For a moment there, I almost thought
that I could be Santa--

-[groans]
-[Richard screaming]

Stop! Brake! Deactivate!

[all] Dad?

Ho, ho, ho!

-Santa!
-That's right!

How long have I been out?

Is it still Christmas Eve?

-Yeah, but--
-Good!

Then it's not too late.

All I need is my sleigh!

[screaming]

Come on, kids. Come home!

There's plenty of stuff
that doesn't exist.

-The Tooth Fairy, Bigfoot, Switzerland...
-[screaming]

[gasps]

[screaming continues]

[high-pitched screaming]

Oh, wait, I'm OK.

How do you land this thing?

First you... first you need
to fasten your seat belt!

[grunting]

What the...
How can I be fatter than Santa?

Dad!

[Richard screaming]

Ask the magic sack
for some walkie-talkies,

and I'll tell you how to land!

I want some walkie-talkies.

Oh, man, it's really well-wrapped.

Ask it for scissors.

I want some scissors.

Are you kidding me?

Give me that, son.

I'll show you how a real man
opens his presents.

Good job, chaps.

Now, in front of you,
there should be an altimeter,

a gyroscope, and an anemometer.

-OK, what are they for?
-I don't know.

I never use them myself,
but at least you're facing the right way.

Now, just fly with your guts.
What can you see?

[Gumball] Nothing
but your reindeer's butt.

Right. Keep going down.

Keep going down.

Keep going down.

Pull up!

[both screaming]

Plan "B," ask the bag
for some parachutes and jump.

We can't do that. Your sleigh will crash.
What about Christmas?

Your lives are more important
than Christmas. Just jump.

[Richard] Request denied, sir.
We're saving Christmas. Over.

Oh, dear.

-I love you, Dad.
-I love you, son.

Sounds like they're coming in too hot.

Follow me.

[both quivering]

[grunting]

They're not gonna make it.

-We're gonna crash!
-Not on Christmas, son.

You have to believe.

[Richard] I can't see anything.

Don't worry, guys.

[screaming]

[grunts]

They're gonna crash!

[screaming]

[grunts]

[both] Yes!

No!

It's OK! They're Christmas lights!

[both chattering excitedly]

[all laughing]

Well done, Blitzen.

Nicole Watterson,
I've been looking for you.

Santa?

I've been meaning to talk to you
about these.

My letters.

Every single one.
You sent them to the South Pole.

I live in the North Pole.

I was just checking I had your address
right when you ran me over.

I'm so sorry!

That's OK, Richard.

After that landing,
you're on the Nice List forever.

Awesome!

'Cause you owe me $
for the hospital bill.

Hmm.

Ho, ho, ho.

Now, where's that present for Nicole?

Aha!

This is long overdue.

Really?

Well, what is it?

The most beautiful gift
I could ever wish for.

[Richard] It's just like us.

Yeah, close enough.

Well, time to go.

Goodbye, children, and thank you
for believing in me.

But what about your cookie?

Just leave it by the fireplace, please.
I'll be back for it later.

-All right, then...
-[Richard] Bup, bup, bup.

I got this.

[Santa] Whoa! [chuckling]

Hey, everybody, Christmas is back on!

[all cheering]

[theme music playing]