02x21 & 02x27 - The Pony/The Storm

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[grunting]

What is wrong with you this time?

This movie is so sucky,
my body refuses to rent it.

Then don't rent it and get out of here.

I can't! I promised my sister!

Give me that.

[Darwin grunting]

You're right.

This film is so bad that every atom
in my body refuses to pay to see it.

Come on. It can't be that bad.

[gasps] "A Pony's Tail"!

Wow!

OK, I'm gonna rent this for you,
or we're gonna be here all day.

Maybe if I hide it between my good films,
my mind will be tricked.

[both] Carrie! Carrie! Carrie!

[grunting]

Not working!

Come on, Carrie!

You know, there are easier ways
to hurt your eyes.

You could pour salt in them
while you stare at the sun, for example.

I'm sorry, Carrie. It's just I promised
Anais we'd do something she wanted today.

We didn't realize
how unbearable it would be,

and we haven't even watched it yet.

Come on! We're already late!

[both panting]

Oh, man. We're gonna get the face
when we get home.

What? This one?

No, that's silent fury.

What we're gonna get is,
"I know you let me down."

Oh.

That's it. But don't forget
the slow head shake.

I can handle that as long as we don't get
the "You mean nothing to me" back turn.

[indicator beeping]

Don't worry. As long as nothing
gets in our way, we'll be fine.

[panting]

What?

Uh, don't you think
you should help that guy?

You clearly took the cover off.

So? You guys are way closer.
That means it's your problem.

Can I get a little help here?

Listen, man, we'd love to help,
but we're kind of in a hurry.

Well, I'm kind of in a manhole.

Which you wouldn't be stuck in
if you weren't quite so--

-What? Fat?
-No. What I meant was--

Voluptuous? Flesh-ripped?

Horizontally tall?

Distracted! I was going to say distracted!

I think you're a beautiful man.

Still, what kind of bozo runs around,
not looking where he's going,

blindly texting on his phone?

I wasn't texting!

I was updating my status
so everyone knows I'm jogging.

Why?

To get those little thumbs-up
on Elmore Plus.

[sighing] All right. Let's get you
out of here, you attention hog.

Hey!

You're doing the face, aren't you?

-Why are you late?
-[chuckles] Well, funny story.

We're helping a guy out
of a manhole, and we--

No need to lie.

It's obvious you guys don't want
to watch the movie with me.

No, that's not true. I can't wait to watch

some princess trying to tame a stupid pony

just to impress some
foppish prince from Luxembourg!

Sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

It's just my brain refuses
to let me lie about this film.

Just hurry up, OK?

[engine revving]

Are you sure this is a good...

There. Whose problem is it now?

Dude! We need to get home!

She's already hit a force five
on the guilt-trip scale!

Gumball! Darwin! What's up, guys?

Hey...

Rich?

Did you just call me "Rich"
like it was a question?

Did I say "Rich"? I'm... I'm sorry, dude.

I meant... your name.

Which is?

[both laughing]

Which is?

[sighing]

Rob! My name is Rob!

Rob!

Of course, man! I'm sorry!

Hey, listen, we're in a massive hurry,
but we should totally hang out soon.

-I'll... I'll call you, bro.
-You don't have my number.

You don't remember me at all, do you?

And this, this is
just some hollow promise!

Dude, it's not that.
We've just been distracted because...

[chuckling] The funniest thing happened.

See that hole?

Darwin! I can't believe you just did that!

Did what?

I don't remember.

[sighs]

Dad, am I boring?

Of course not, sweetie pie.

Then why don't Gumball and Darwin
want to hang out with me?

[shuddering]

Think, Richard, think.

Your little girl is getting insecure.
This is a real parenting situation.

What you say now could affect her
for the rest of her life.

So say the right thing.

Say the right thing.

The right thing!

What?

Speak to your mother!

[panting] I... I got to stop, man.
I can't keep running like this.

Come on. You can do it.
It's all in the mind.

You don't understand.
My legs have given up.

I even have a cramp in my bones.

Your legs haven't given up. You have!

You think?

You should try walking in my shoes
for once.

Is that a challenge?

Whoa, dude!

Have you seen the top of your head?

You've got a birthmark
in the shape of my face.

Oh, no, wait.

-Your head is just very oily.
-Oh, yeah?

Well, your legs aren't legs.
They're just overgrown toes.

Give mine back!

This is so much better.

[shushing]

Sussie's birthday party.

[Sussie] Oh! You came!

-How did you know we were there?
-I didn't.

I was just practicing my guest welcome.

But since you're here...

Oh! You came!

[family breathing heavily]

Wow!

What a great party.

Yeah, it was really good,
but we got to go now.

It's... It's getting dark and all.

Come on. You're not gonna leave now.

I've never seen Sussie so happy.

[laughing]

[whispering] I'm sorry, but we need
to get home to our little sister.

Besides, no offense, sir,
but if this party was a person,

it would be Sussie.

OK, let's cut to the chase.

I'll give you $ , if you stay.

You have to understand that, Anais.

This is $ , we're talking about!
We're millionaires!

I'm sorry, sir,
but I think you've just dropped

$ , !

So, is it OK
if we hang out on another day?

Sure. No problem.

Are you doing the sad face
with the big, wet eyes?

No.

Everything's cool.

Right. Let me speak to Gumball.

[grunting softly]

If you're in such a hurry,

then why have we been doing this
for an hour?

Because it's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.

I thought it was overpriced at $ ,
let alone $ , !

For that much money,
I could have bought an actual pony

and acted the movie out myself!

[laughing] How silly.

[grumbles]

Look, we've done it again.

Normally, by now, one of us
would have decided which way to...

Sorry!

[gasps] "Night-mare on Elmore Street"!

So, where's our DVD?

Loretta, if only he knew me
the way you do.

Carrie!

I think her horror-movie brain

got traumatized
by an overload of pony cuteness.

I thought I was
a hardcore horror-movie fan,

but I was living a lie!

Tell me, is it wrong for a punk-rock chick
who lives in a haunted malevolent mansion

to be touched
by the magical friendship of a pony?

Hmm...

No.

But could you tell your pet
to stop rubbing itself on my leg?

'Cause that's kind of wrong.

That's not a pet.

That's my grandma.

What?

Well, what's she eat?

Not much, really.
She bites her nails sometimes.

We're not here to discuss
Carrie's freak show of a family!

Where is the DVD?

-Uh, it's in the DVD player.
-Oh, really?

The way things have gone today,

I didn't think it'd be as easy
as just pushing a button to--

[crashing]

Yeah. That makes more sense.

If I saw a clown doing this,
I'd think it was implausible.

No! What have you done?

We'll never find it!

It'll be like looking for a piece of hay
in a needle stack!

It's gonna take hours!

-Here it is.
-What do you know?

-Let's put it in the box.
-Here.

How could you miss?
That was a perfectly good throw!

How could you be screaming at me?

You're the one
who threw it at me for no reason!

I know!
I just thought that if I screamed first,

you'd be less likely to scream at me!

Ah, come on!

We're going right!

OK. I'm going left.

I meant the other left.

I'm sorry, but I should be
in the recycling bin.

Thank you very much.

[panting]

-Watch out!
-[horn blaring]

[both scream]

No!

Yeah!

Thanks, Rich!

Oh, I meant Ralph.

[sighs in frustration]

[both sighing]

♪ Don't know me ♪

♪ Don't want a daily
So they call me Jolie ♪

♪ No fresh ♪

There it is!

Uh...

Did you just poke my butt?

Uh...

No.

Get away from me!

Wait! Wait!

Oh, man! Please!

[screaming]

Are you gonna get this off me, or what?

Eh, I don't know.

You're way closer.

[grunting]

Come on. Let's see it.

-What?
-You know what we're talking about.

That's it! That's the happy face.

[all sighing]

Come on. Let's watch that pony movie
and be done with it.

[TV remote clicks]

[man] They say all good things
come in small packages.

But there's nothing small about a pony.

-I think I hate this film.
-Oh, thank gosh.

[Carmen]
You're the chocolate chips in my cookie.

You're the cream in my doughnut.

You're the syrup in my pancakes.

[both giggling]

Oh, that's disgusting!

Oh, come on.

I think it's cute that
they're eating from the same plate.

Dude, there's nothing cute about that.

[Carmen slurping]

You're so intolerant.
How else is he supposed to eat?

It's not that. What annoys me is how
sickeningly in love Carmen and Alan are.

No. I love you more
because I also love loving you.

Sorry to interrupt,
but could you please stop this?

-What?
-This!

This hideous picture of happiness!

-Yeah!
-Give it a rest, guys.

I'm so sick of your stupid pet names
and your gross loved-up faces!

You don't see me and Penny
acting like that!

That's because
you're not going out with her.

Exactly!

You two are so beautiful,
it makes me believe

I, too, can find love.

But when I look in the mirror,

I realize I'm just
a dirt-covered ball of starch!

But, Idaho, if you want to be loved,
first, you got to love yourself.

Yeah! You're so nice and sensitive, too!
I can't even hate you!

You're so perfect, it makes me
want to rain on your parade

until you swell up, turn brown, and rot.

Uh, I think what Masami is trying to say
is that you guys are so perfect,

it kind of makes us wish
for your downfall.

-Well said, Carrie.
-[Idaho] Why don't you go and be perfect

somewhere else?

Hmm.

[sniffling]

Uh, Carmen?

Aah! I should have seen that coming.

-Are you crying?
-Yes.

But you don't have tears.

I tend to retain water.

Look, I'm really sorry.
I don't know why I said all that stuff.

Because you're a gutless coward
who has to ruin other people's lives

because he's too much of a chicken
to ask Penny out.

You're so perceptive.

I'm surprised you didn't see this coming.

[groans]

But, Gumball, I'm not crying
because what you said was mean.

I'm crying because it's true.

Our love is so perfect,
it's becoming boring.

Well... I'd love to help, but--

Great!

Carmen, you know when people say,

"I'd love to help," that usually means
"I don't want anything to do with it."

Don't worry.
All you have to do is hold my hand.

I can't do that!

What if Penny's watching?

I've got this.

And she was, like, muah,
and he was, like, muah.

And I was like... [gags]

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Hey, Penny. I bet you a quarter
you can't copy everything I do.

Uh...

OK.

[slurping]

Hmm, well-played, sir.

Now I'm going to clean myself up,
if you don't mind.

OK, I think that's enough now.

If he keeps looking at me like that,
I think my head's going to explode.

-Compliment me.
-OK.

I really like your face
because it's not complicated.

And I like your name, Carmen.

It sounds like a superhero
who... sort of drives a lot.

Also, your branches are really cool.

It's like two arms raised.

Makes you look like
you're always winning...

Or like you're wearing
one of those giant cowboy hats.

[Carmen] Uh, he's not doing anything.

Kiss me!

Come on. I'm not that bad.

Look, I always thought the first girl
I'd kiss would be Penny.

We'd be on the beach at sunset,

some fireflies would make
a love heart around us,

and there would be
some sort of island involved.

I didn't think it would be
with a chick I didn't care about

just to make another dude jealous!

Gumball Watterson
might be a lot of things,

but he is not a cheap, corruptible bimbo!

[screaming]

Look! A diversion!

[sighs]

[gumball sobbing]

Good-bye, Carmen.

[Alan squeaking]

Ow!

He didn't do anything.

-What did you think he was gonna do?
-Something dramatic,

like he would pound your face in
and drag me away, screaming.

But he just left me
like he didn't even care.

-Are you crying again?
-Can't you tell?

What the... Hey!

-Shame on you, you dirty girlfriend thief!
-Couple splitter!

-Catalyst of social discontent!
-Homewrecker!

Name! Name! Name!

Hey! Stop calling me names!

I thought you wanted them
to split up, anyway!

-You hated them!
-Yeah?

Well, now we hate you.

[sighs]

[air hissing in and out]

[crying]

Alan? Is that you, buddy?

-Are you crying?
-What does it sound like I'm doing?

I don't know, man.
You're a bit of a biological mystery.

What's so hard to understand?

It's not difficult. Air comes in the knot.
Air goes out the knot.

What about the spaghetti, though?

Spaghetti goes in,
turns into air, comes back out.

So, technically, you weren't only crying
just now.

Look, what do you want?

I want you to knock me out in
the playground in front of everybody.

What? Why?

Because that's what Carmen wanted, man.

She wanted you to show some passion,
but you just bailed like a wet lettuce.

So man up, get out there, and just pop me.

There's no point.

If I'm not able to make her happy,

I refuse to stop her finding happiness
somewhere else.

I love her too much for that.

Wow! That was so cheesy,
I can actually smell it.

[Lucy] And so these two chemicals
will be bound forever,

and nothing can pull them apart.

Apart from Gumball.

And then he'll try to make out
with the carbon.

Ugh!

What are they talking about? Darwin!

You know, Carmen's a pretty jealous girl.

You could use that
to get them back together.

Of course! I'm gonna dress up as a girl
and kiss Alan.

I need a really believable name, though.

How about "Barbara"?

Or "Shatanya."

I know, "Get out of here
with your stupid idea"!

I meant I could go out with him.

Yeah, that is a good idea.

But it'll never work.

He's way too nice
to do something like that.

Unless...

[inaudible]

Could you write that down?

All I heard was...

Whoosh, whoosh.

[sighs] Dude!

Pull yourself together, man.
You got to start dating again.

What's the point?

Because...

"The duck-billed platypus
is known to store up to worms

in its cheek pouches"!

Wait. That's my biology notes. Hold on.

[chattering gibberish]

[inhales deeply]

"Because you owe it to Carmen.

If she sees you moving on,
then she'll be able to do the same

and find the happiness she deserves."

You're right. I'll do it for Carmen!

But who would date
such a shriveled bag of sadness?

Well... no one.

But if you reinflate,
you could have a sh*t with Masami.

I don't think I have
the strength to inflate.

[knot squeaking]

-Thanks, Gumball!
-Whatever, man.

Attention, organic classmates.

I have information
about the relationship status

of the gas-filled bag defined as Alan
and the mass of condensation

defined as Masami.

It is on!

[all gasping]

[Hector gasps]

I'm so happy.

They've got so much in common.

They both float. They...

Actually, that's about it.

She's still a better friend
than Carmen, though.

OK. First the shock
and then the disbelief,

all according to plan.

Now, come on!
Get angry and fight for your love!

[grunting]

[sobbing]

Or just get depressed
at the sudden realization that

Gumball ruined your life.

[thunder rumbling]

So, what couple name do you prefer?

Alasami or Masalan?

Are you even listening?

Whatever one will make
Carmen think we're happy.

Who cares about that prickly loser?

We need to talk.
Your plan completely bombed.

Carmen didn't get jealous.
She just looks really sad...

and turgid.

What are you guys talk--

-The plan worked perfectly.
-Hey, I was asking a--

Alan is finally with the right girl,
the one who has always loved him.

[gasping]

You lied to me!

-That's it! I'm telling everyone.
-No, you won't.

Unless you want Penny
to find out you kissed Carmen.

[Penny] Too late!

Darwin told me everything.

Sorry, dude. I ran out of milkshake.

Penny! Please let me explain!

Carmen already did.

It was more of a head-butt
than a kiss, to be honest.

It's too late for you, Carmen.
Alan is mine!

Please! Masami, I love him!

I love him more! And he loves me!

Can I... just say... something?

No! You're mine!

[all screaming]

Alan!

Gumball! Do something!

I think Gumball's made
this situation bad enough.

Let me speak to her, girl to girl.

Masami, look into your heart.
You're not a violent person.

[lightning cracking]

[Penny] OK, Gumball. Your turn.

[Gumball] Quick! I've got an awesome idea!

Follow me to the fire hose!

Hold on. I'm the one who got the idea.
It should be you guys making it happen.

[shudders]

Don't worry. We'll pull you out.

-Wait. I got a better idea.
-Too late.

What the...

[all grunting]

[both] Yeah! We made it!

[both screaming]

-Run!
-I can't!

I haven't got legs anymore!

And I've never had any before!

Give him back to me!

No! Do something!

Ew!

Gross!

[inhaling deeply]

Thanks, guys.

[all screaming]

Give him back to me!

-He loves me!
-No, I don't!

I'm sorry, Masami,
but it's her that I love.

But why her? And not me?

-Because you're psycho.
-Shh!

Masami, I... I just can't explain
how my heart works.

If it's anything like
his digestive system,

you probably don't want to know.

I was saying... I can't explain how
my heart works, but I know what it wants.

And I learned today that
I have to stand up for that.

Isn't this the opposite of the lesson
you're trying to teach her?

[shouting] Just shut up, OK?

Masami, a broken heart is like a mirror.

It's better to leave it broken
than to hurt yourself trying to fix it.

Oh, my... gosh.

You are such a wet cheeseball.

If Alan was a cheese ball...
I'd want seconds.

-I love you, Carmen.
-I love you, Alan.

[all] Aw!

I'm so happy for them.

But I kind of hate them again now.

Let's get out of here before I retch.

Penny, promise me
we'll never be like that.

There's no risk of that

'cause you're not going out
with each other.

[theme music playing]