02x26 & 02x28 - The Tag/The Lesson

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[flies buzzing]

[groans]

[grunting]

Aah!

[gagging]

[exhales sharply]

[inhaling, exhaling]

Hyah! [gagging]

[grunting]

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

[thud]

[grunting]

Super-slam flying att*ck!

-[groans]
-[flies buzzing]

Hmm.

This is a senior citizen's arrest.

-What? Why?
-For littering.

It's not littering
if I'm putting trash in a trash can.

It is if it's my trash can.

I knew you'd been stuffing
your trash in here.

It took me a week,
but I caught you red-handed.

Wait. You've been hiding there for a week?

What I do with my retirement
is my own business.

Now, leave this trash can alone. I own it.

But it's empty.
You don't own the air inside it.

-Yes, I do.
-You can't own nothing.

But I own the lid to nothing,
and it's staying shut.

-Hmm.
-Oh.

Think puffing out your chest
is going to intimidate me?

[inhales sharply]

[laughs]

Don't laugh.

-Don't poke me.
-I'll poke you whenever I like.

[electricity crackling]

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

[gasps]

Aah!

[shouting]

And the police said
I have to wear this thing for--

[Gaylord] Six weeks.

And I can't leave the house or...

It sets off an alarm and I'll be...

Sent to prison. And it was all...

[both] His fault!

Dad, could you explain that again,
this time using full sentences?

-I'd love to, but I'm too busy--
-[Gaylord]Plotting my revenge!

Hmm.

I see what's happening here.

Boys, I need you to
sneak into Mr. Robinson's house.

There's this old prank I used
to do in college.

-College?
-OK, high school.

Just do as I say.

[door opens, closes]

[Gumball] Dude, is she gone?

[Darwin] Yeah, I think it's safe.

OK, let's do this.

Right.
Now we just need to find the butter.

Dude, what is it with old people
and canned stuff?

I mean, look.
Canned pizza, canned yogurt, canned water.

Shh. Just find the canned butter
and get on with it.

You know what? Now that we're here,
I don't think we're doing the right thing.

Well, we can't disobey Mr. Dad.

He told us to put butter
on everything in the house.

Mm.

Look. Let's compromise.
We'll just pick one thing and butter that.

Margaret, we're out of canned toothpaste.

-Aah!
-[squeaking]

-Ah.
-[crash]

On second thoughts,
maybe we shouldn't have chosen the floor.

I feel so guilty.

We've reduced a beautiful vintage
gentleman to a greased-up, slidey sausage.

Oh, we have to make up for this.

Let's tell Mr. Robinson we'll help him
settle the score with Dad.

And we only did it

because we didn't want to lose
the unconditional love of our father.

Under ordinary circumstances,

I'd be so furious with you,
my kidneys would fail,

but I think I'll forgive you.

Good, because I've cried so much,
all the moisture's gone from my body.

I hadn't finished.

I'll forgive you
if you do something for me first.

[humming]

[squish]

Wait. This isn't water.

I'm in a bath of melted cheese!

I've been wishing for this for years.

[chuckles]

[slurps]

I feel so guilty.
We betrayed our own father.

[humming]

Uh, I don't know, man.

-He still looks pretty happy.
-[refrigerator opens]

What? No!

-Aah, there it is!
-Robinson stole all my cheese!

He must have done it
while I was in that magic bath,

but how did he trick the tag?

OK, boys, here's the plan. Hold my foot.

You put your dirty hands on my cheese,

you get my greasy fingers
on your windshield.

[both grunting]

-I'm losing my grip.
-His cankle is too wide for my hands.

[grunting]

Grab his pants!

[both grunting]

-Yah!
-[alarm blaring]

What part of "under house arrest"
don't you understand?

Mm, I guess the word "under" because,
technically, you're inside the house.

If you leave your house again, we'll find
you in minutes and put you in prison.

Keep an eye on your father, kids.

Don't worry, Officer.
This whole thing was just a silly feud.

Now things are even, there's no reason
Mr. Robinson would seek revenge.

-[alarm blaring]
-[gasps]

[alarm blaring]

[grunting] My car!

[grunting]

Almost.

Mr. Robinson,
we need you to stop this feud,

or you and Dad are gonna end up in prison.

Almost there. Darn it!

What are you doing, anyway?

Trying to get back at your father,
but this thing's still not long enough.

-[buzzing]
-[Gumball] What the wasp?

Mr. Robinson, this argument
has spiraled into madness.

It has to stop.

Not 'til your father pays
for what he did to my car.

Then you leave us no choice, sir. Darwin.

Stop the feud,
or I reset your alarm clock.

No! I won't know how to reprogram it.

-Then end it.
-Never.

How would you like to wake up
at : , : , : , or : a.m.?

: a.m.? I'll lose half the day.

You know, this can end anytime you like.

Hmph. Do your worst.
My bladder will wake me up at : anyway.

Well, then, how would you like your radio
tuned to young people's music?

♪ Baby, baby, baby... ♪

Aah! He said the word "baby"
over times! Turn it off!

-[music stops]
-OK, OK. I give up.

I'll end the feud, but, please, can you
do this one thing for me in return?

I can't leave the house
to post this letter.

-Would you do it for me?
-Sir, it would be an honor.

"Stick your head out of the front window
for a special surprise."

Hmm. All evidence
points to this letter being a trap,

but what if it's a nice surprise,
like a cake or a kiss?

Mm. Aah!

It was a trap!

Unless this bee tastes of honey. Aah.

Aah! It doesn't! It tastes of pain!

Oh, man, I knew we should
have checked the address.

[laughing]

Let's "bee" friends, Watterson.

[growls]

I hope you like "eyes" cream!

That pun doesn't even make sense.

[both grunting]

This is never going to stop, is it?

[laughing]

[sighs] I think we need
to do something drastic.

[snoring]

[mumbles]

Shh.

[smooches]

[both scream]

-Where are we?
-Hmm. Smells like a dumpster.

[rattling]

It's locked.

Hmm.

"Play me."

What kind of musical instrument is this?

[blows]

It's a video camera.

Good evening, gentlemen.

This feud started with a trash can,
and that's where it's going to end.

In front of you is a cake.

Ooh. [chomps]

Inside the cake is a key.

By sharing the cake, you'll find the key
and learn that sharing is the key...

-[gulps]
-...to getting out of there.

[chuckles]

You have minutes
before the police arrive.

I'm pretty sure it'll be more than
minutes before we see that key again.

You jelly-bellied fool!
What were you thinking?

If you'd have shared that cake,
we'd be out of here by now!

[Richard]
If you'd have shared that trash can,

we wouldn't have been here
in the first place!

Don't you think they should have
figured it out by now?

I'll go and check.

Oh, man.

-That was the worst idea you've ever had!
-Oh, come on. It was pretty good.

The mysterious riddle,
the positive message,

the fact they got to eat a cake.

Ooh. Ooh, ooh.

Mr. Small, watch out!

Don't worry. I'll use
my rollerblading skills to avoid it.

[grunts]

Aah!

[horn blaring]

[both panting]

We're never gonna catch them!

Uh... I've got an idea,
but it's really uncool.

Come on! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!

Why are you always trying
to motivate me with cruelty

when you know I respond better
to emotional rewards?

Sorry, man.

[sighs]

That's better!

Aah!

OK! Don't move!

OK. [exhales sharply]

OK, I got this.

[exhales]

-[grunts]
-Aah!

Aah.

OK, maybe a little closer this time.

[grunts]

Haha.

Uh... What do we do now?

I don't know. Jam the wheel or something.

[both] Aah.

No! Please! I'm too old!

I can't walk without my cane! [sobs]

Oh, hello.

[both cheer]

Aah! Hold on, guys.
I'm gonna get you out of there.

[grunting]

Aah! [grunting]

Aah! Aah, aah, aah, aah!

Aah!

There's nothing we can do anymore.
They're going to have to jump.

Catch me, Darwin! [grunts]

[both chattering]

[thudding]

Uh... I'm sure they're still OK.

-[horns honking]
-[thudding]

[thunder crashes]

[both] No!

[both cry]

Oh, wait. These are all Dad's
nacho-cheese wrappers.

This is our trash can.
We've been chasing the wrong one.

Which means they're still
in Mr. Robinson's trash can at home.

There's still time to get them back
in the house before the cops come.

Aah!

[Gaylord] I agree.

Wearing a tie every day
despite neither of us having a job

is perfectly appropriate.

It gives you a sense of purpose
when you have absolutely nothing to do.

You know, Watterson, maybe you and I
aren't so different after all.

And all it took was my children
locking us in a dumpster to realize it.

We should have just done this
in the first place.

Aah!

Boys, finally.

Ah, the worst part about this job
is you give people a second chance,

and you still end up having to tase them.

Wait! That was all his fault!

Don't listen to him, Officer! He's nothing
but a good-for-nothing-- Aah!

[blows raspberry]

-[gasps]
-[slow motion] Whoa!

[groans]

No!

Beep, beep, beep.

[both] It's gonna explode!

Oh, come on, concentrate a little, man.
We'll never be ready for the math test.

[sighs]

[in German accent] If the square
of the hypotenuse

equals the sum of the square
of the other two sides,

what is the length of side A?

I know not, master.

You have failed me for the last time.

Oh! No!

[in normal accent] Oh, come on.
We're supposed to be studying.

[sighs]

[whirring]

[rhythmic tapping]

Dude, stop distracting me.

All right.
Come on, let's get some work done.

[both laughing]

[both grunting]

[both continue laughing]

[both crying]

It's not working.
I'm not absorbing any of the knowledge.

[speaking Spanish]

Be still, you cur.
Imbibe that parchment swiftly.

Anon we face our trial.

By my bye? Elizabethan poetry?
Fie and fie again.

We've been chewing the wrong books.

Oh, we're gonna flunk the test.

We'll get caught in a downward
spiral of failure,

we'll get held back a year,
and before you know it,

we'll be the only kids
in seventh grade with beards!

Unless...

-What?
-We could... [whistles]

-What?
-You know, we could... [clicks tongue]

You know, we could...

[clicks tongue, whistles, clears throat]

-Ooh-wee-oo.
-[gasps]

What? You mean...

Cheating!

Did you really think you could
get away with this?

To be honest, yeah, I thought we could.
I have no idea what went wrong.

Well, maybe you'll figure it
out during spring break,

which you're spending in detention!

I'm putting you
in the long-detention block.

So, from now on, you don't eat,
you don't go to the bathroom,

you don't speak, you don't even blink
unless I say so.

Do you understand?

-What?
-Can I blink, please?

No.

[indistinct chatter]

Silence, you animals!

These are the new inmates.
Make sure they feel welcome.

Can I blink now?

You're not gonna last two minutes
in here, little fish.

[lock turns]

[Darwin] Gumball, can you hear me?

[Gumball] Yeah. What do we do?

These ugly thugs
look like they were raised by hyenas

in a post-apocalyptic future.

[Darwin chuckles] Especially the cupcake.

She looks like she was made out
of rotten eggs and foot fungus.

I'm a boy, dork bag.

[Gumball] Ugh. Even her voice is gross.

Wha-- Hang on. How come
she can hear our secret thoughts?

'Cause you're talking out loud, homey.

Yeah, that makes more sense.

[groans]

Oh, man.

Even my bruises have bruises.

Don't worry, buddy.
I've got just what you need.

A kiss to make it better?

No. We need to look older
if we want them to respect us.

Let's get some tattoos, homeboy.

-What do you think?
-I don't know.

I think we look a bit too old
for young offenders.

Maybe.

Perfect.

[indistinct chatter]

[clatters]

What are you looking at, punk?

[groans]

Stop! His eyes are touching each other!

-Please let him go!
-Enough.

[groans]

Thanks, man. I owe you one.

You owe me more than that
if you want my protection, "daby."

-What's a daby?
-Detention slang for "dumb baby."

Oh, I see.

Who protect us from?

He means,
"Who are you gonna protect us from?"

Me!

[squeaking]

Why does that kid want us to steal
the school plans, anyway?

That's the least of our worries.
The guy's a walking time b*mb.

[indistinct chatter]

-[laughs]
-[mutters]

OK, let's do this.

Here. Found it. Now let's get out of--

-[snickers]
-What?

[laughs] Dude, you have to see this.

[both laughing]

Oh. [laughs]

It's not what it looks like.

We accidentally slipped and fell,
and... [stammers] the drawer went fwoosh.

And this went fwoosh... And we--
Let me start again.

There was an eagle, and it came
through the window and tried to steal--

I mean, it was totally like this
when we got here.

I'll teach you for ruining my surprise
for Miss Simian.

You're both going
to the correctional room!

No!

Not the correctional room!

Boys, I believe
you keep getting into trouble

because you're not
expressing yourselves creatively.

To teach you how,
I'm gonna read you some of my poems, OK?

I don't know why I freaked out so much.
This really isn't that bad.

The first is an epic life story
written from the perspective of a shoe.

[clears throat] Part of , birth.

Dark factory.

Noise, the smell of polish.

Soles fitting soles soulessly, dolefully.

Let us out! This is cruel and unusual!

[panting]

So, what have we learned today?

Don't ever break the rules ever again.

No, fish. Don't ever get caught.

That's the only rule you need
to care about.

Now here's a list of the stuff
you're gonna steal for me.

[door rattling]

♪ Well, I cheated on a math test
Teacher says I got to pay ♪

♪ Doing time up at the schoolhouse ♪

♪ And it gets worse every day ♪

[humming]

♪ I done a lot of bad things
Since freedom went away ♪

♪ I seen a lot of sad things ♪

♪ And it gets worse every day ♪

♪ I never was a bad guy
'Til I was put away ♪

♪ Now I'm stealing, cheating, lying ♪

♪ And it gets worse every day ♪

[squawks]

♪ They think I learned my lesson
That crime just doesn't pay ♪

♪ But stuck here in detention
I have found another way ♪

♪ I'm the baddest kid in prison ♪

♪ And I get worse every day ♪

Silence, you animals!

I want this room cleaned up by lunchtime!
Do you hear me?

Where is he going?

♪ I don't know! ♪

♪ And why do he need a map, some rope
A rake, and a paper c-- ♪

Oh, my gosh, he's going to escape!

No, dude. We are.

[panting] I don't think we're ready
for life on the outside.

Why do you say that?

Because we've run
straight back to detention.

I think we've been here so long,
we've lost our taste for freedom.

Let's just go back in.

No, no, no!

Did you see what that bear
just did to that guy's cherry?

I think that just cured me.

Let's get out of here!

[gasps]

[both] Take us!

Ha! I don't think so.

[Gumball] Dude, come on, please!

[both] We're too cute for detention!

I don't care.

Please! Please!

I beg you! Please!

[snoring]

[gasps]

OK, OK, just stop shouting!

[grunts]

Detention break! Lock down!

[mimics siren wailing]

OK, now, we climb up this shaft
and get to the roof.

Are you sure? I mean,
this doesn't feel dangerous enough.

Isn't there a lake of fire on your map
or maybe a spider pit? Oh, I know.

How about an acid bath
full of sharks with machine g*ns?

Don't worry. I've got this.

[whirring]

Right.
So what's the plan now?

Well, you can always go back.

[shouting indistinctly]

Well, that was easier than I thought.
So what now?

What the what?

-I thought you said this led to the roof!
-It does. It just won't open.

What the whatting what?
What do you mean it won't open?

I mean there's no way to get out,
you massork!

-What does that mean?
-Detention slang for "massive dork."

Oh, yeah? Well, you're a sodging therk
with a farstache!

-What?
-A soap-dodging thunder jerk

with a fart mustache.

Yeah? Well, you're a flerching nerf

with a triflep in his crane slip,
and your brother's just a busting blider!

You double-crossing ner--

[expl*si*n]

[both cough]

[high-pitched voice] Well played.

I learned from the best.

Oh, so that's what we needed the rope for.

[Darwin] And we'll use the rake as a hook.

-[ding, ding]
-[siren wailing]

-Quick!
-Uh. OK.

How long does this rope need to be?

[Darwin] Um, it's the square of the height
of the school multiplied by the--

-Are you sure it's not divide?
-Oh, yeah.

The square of the height
of the school minus--

-Divide!
-That's what I said!

-You said "minus"!
-It's the same thing!

No, it's not! Is it?

[banging]

Uh, let's just wing it.

[glass shatters]

Wish we'd learned that math thing now.
We could've escaped from detention.

No, dude.

If we'd learnt it,
we wouldn't be in detention.

Wow. I guess we did learn something today.

When you cheat, the only person
you're really cheating is yourself.

Uh, no.

Never get caught!

Surrender now and you'll only--

[both shouting in slo-mo]

[both cough]

[both laugh]

See you never!

Talk to you never, Principal Brown!

[both humming]

I don't know why they're so happy.

They still have to
come back here tomorrow.

[theme music playing]