01x02 - The Harrington Commode

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Politician". Aired: September 27, 2019 – June 19, 2020.*
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Payton Hobart, a student from Santa Barbara, has known since age seven that he's going to be President of the United States. But first he'll have to navigate the most treacherous political landscape of all: Saint Sebastian High School.
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01x02 - The Harrington Commode

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[static]

[McAfee] July 14th, 1972.

George McGovern has just won
the Democratic nomination

for President of the United States...

I accept your nomination
with a full and grateful heart.

[crowd cheering]

[McAfee] ...b*ating Hubert Humphrey,

who came within sh**ting distance
of b*ating Nixon for the presidency

four years prior

and Nixon's heavily favored
to win reelection.

But, running on a platform
of ending the w*r in Vietnam...

George McGovern's got a real sh*t.
Now he just has to find a running mate.

He asks Ted Kennedy, who says, "No way."

In fact, everyone turns him down.

Hubert Humphrey, no.

Walter Mondale, "No dice."

Then, he asks Senator Gaylord Nelson,
who's like, "No thanks.

But what about Thomas Eagleton?"

Nelson's like, "Eagleton's young,
he's liberal but Catholic.

The unions love him,
he could win you Missouri."

They've gotta pick someone fast,
so the campaign asks Eagleton

if there's anything in his background
that might embarrass the campaign.

Eagleton says, "No."
So McGovern pulls the trigger.

Within days, rumors start circulating
about Eagleton's health,

because Eagleton neglected to mention

that he'd been hospitalized three times
for depression...

and that his treatment
had twice involved ECT.

- What is ECT?
- Electroconvulsive therapy.

Shock treatment.

- [electrical charge]
- [grunts]

Senator Eagleton says Senator McGovern
is 100 percent behind him

in his decision to remain in the race
for vice president.

The McGovern campaign
was caught totally off-guard.

McGovern has to play defense.

He announces he was behind
his running mate,

then three days later Eagleton resigns.

The Democratic ticket then goes on to lose

one of the most lopsided
presidential contests in American history.

So, why are you telling me this?

That rhetorical
or are you honestly asking?

My point couldn't be any clearer.

Beware a VP with secrets, Payton.

That Andrew kid says Infinity's faking.
That makes her radioactive.

And if Andrew's right
and this word gets out,

this campaign is over.
And it won't just affect this campaign,

it will affect every political race
we ever try to run.

We're only five points down.

This race is suddenly winnable
because we picked her.

That would be undercut when it comes out
she's making the whole thing up

so she can get free trips to Cedar Point
with LeBron James or whatever.

You'll either look stupid or a liar.

It's too dangerous.
We should cut her loose.

Or we wait. The campaign's a couple
weeks away, let's focus on winning.

Then if we find out she's faking it,
we go from there.

[Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago" playing]

♪ I fell in love again ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ Drove to Chicago ♪

♪ All things know, all things know ♪

♪ You came to take us ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

♪ To recreate us ♪

♪ All things grow, all things grow ♪

♪ We had our mindset ♪

♪ All things know ♪

♪ All things know ♪

♪ You had to find it ♪

♪ All things go, all things go ♪

[soft guitar song plays in German]

[sighs]

Let's see.

Oh, hello, darling.

I just received that shipment
I was waiting for

from Library Lobe LaRoche in Paris.

Some nice titles.

I'm glad it always raises your mood.

Well, you rarely visit me in here.

Well, I don't like to disturb your work.

Oh, you judge the way
I choose to lead my life.

My father insisted I have a profession.

There were options.

Stamps,

thoroughbreds,

the gardens.

You couldn't.

Your hay fever.

True, so I chose books.

And one day I will retire
and find time to read some of them.

Do I seem different to you
these last few months?

You do. You stopped pretending
to enjoy it when I touch you.

I know I was never the man of your dreams.

But when you agreed to marry me,

I accepted that I was getting a woman

playing the part of a woman
in love with me.

But recently,
you've even neglected to pretend.

I don't want to pretend anymore.

I'm in love with someone else.
The trainer down at our horse stables.

- [gasps]
- Him?

Darling.

Brigitte is a woman.

How did this happen?

We met at the costume gala fundraiser
for the zoo.

[Barbra Streisand's
"Love With All The Trimmings" plays]

♪ Thus loving as I do ♪

♪ Never, never will you ever ♪

♪ Be untrue ♪

♪ Having love with all the trimmings ♪

♪ Waiting all for ♪

♪ You ♪

Is this like the others?
The Brazilian ceramist?

The cliff diver?

That horrible cartoonist?

Because I've looked the other way before,
until these fevers passed.

No.

I'm in love with her.

I want a divorce.

[husband] The Harrington Commode.

It was crafted by Thomas Chippendale
in 1770.

It's a masterpiece
with a tulip wood banded top,

simulated drawers inlaid with rosettes.

It was the most expensive
piece of furniture ever sold at auction

when it was purchased for a hair under
six million dollars at Sotheby's in 2010.

Three times the catalog price,
but I had to have it.

I knew the perfect spot for it.

[grunts]

- [gulls crying]
- [phone vibrates]

Hello?

What?

[heart monitor beep echoes]

[man] Oh, God, is he gonna die?

- Dad, can you hear me? It's me, Martin.
- Shh!

Your father's in a medically induced coma,

and he has a subdural hematoma
in his brain.

We won't know the damage
until the swelling goes down.

Why the hell would our father
jump off a roof?

It's my fault.

I asked him for a divorce.

[sharp inhale]

This is the fourth time
somebody's jumped out of a window

when I tried to break up with them.

- You're a terrible person.
- Luther! Don't speak to me that way.

I know you're upset, but we are a family,
and we have to band together now.

I don't want him to die.

Neither do I.

He's the only person in my life
who's never been unkind to me.

Then why the hell
would you want a divorce?

Because I was tired of
not being surprised,

and I was tired of never being able
to do anything wrong

and my boredom turned to resentment.

[exhales]

- [Georgina sighs]
- [Payton whispers] Sorry.

Yeah, thanks for finally showing up.

Screw you, Luther.
Can't you take a break for one day?

How about I put you in a bed
right next to my father?

Hey, stop it.

- [both muttering]
- [Georgina] Boys! Boys!

Boys, you stop that right now!

This negative energy is not good
for your father's healing.

- Mom, I'm gonna drop out of the race.
- No.

Okay? I need to be here with you two
as much as I can.

No, sweetheart, no.

No matter what happens to your father,
your life is his legacy.

And you're certainly gonna have to make up
for whatever hot mess they make

of the family name.

[metal squeaking]

- [students cheering]
- [man] What would you say to students

who think this is a waste
of a perfectly good Rolls Royce?

Well, first of all, Jeremy,

this Rolls Royce was totaled
six months ago

when some joker decided
to put sand in the gas t*nk.

And I don't think you can call it a waste

when we are already halfway to our goal
of $45,000,

which will go towards the hiring of
a full-time harassment czar at the school.

And every swing of the sledgehammer
gets us 250 doll...

dollars closer to ending sexual harassment
on this campus.

Are you okay?

I'm fi...
I just feel a little faint, but it's okay.

I just had one of my treatments,
so this happens. Thanks.

- Thank you, Jeremy.
- Bye-bye. Thanks.

Hey, um, treatment for what, exactly?
What kind of cancer is it that you have?

My grandma says it's better
that I don't know the specifics.

She thinks it'll just make it harder.

I see. Are you sure you don't
wanna skip this event?

[whispers]
No. I don't want to skip this event.

I want to be here
because I want to win this election.

People want to talk to me.

And this is like the first time in my life
I feel like people really see me.

And I've wanted this for my whole life.

- Okay.
- Okay.

[laughs]

- Get over there.
- Okay.

- Be careful, though. [laughs]
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

- [James] Payton.
- [Payton] Where have you been?

Nothing, uh, nowhere.
I was just crunching some poll numbers.

Is she all right?

Yeah, she said she came from
a doctor's appointment or something.

All right, you got it, Infinity.

[sounds slowing, echoing]

[sledgehammer thuds]

- [crowd murmurs]
- Jesus, somebody call an ambulance!

- Does she have a pulse?
- Yeah.

Is someone calling 911?

So, you think maybe
it was the platelet transplant

- that made you feel a little lightheaded?
- Yeah, maybe.

I should've just taken it easy
like my nana told me.

This juice is tasty, though.

- [nurse] Oh, you like that, huh?
- Mm-hmm. I really do.

- What are you doing?
- What do you think?

This is just about the best possible
photo op you could dream of.

Okay, no, James,
I'm not comfortable with this.

Okay. Don't be comfortable. I don't care.

You not being comfortable
makes this a better photo.

I think I'm all out.

Hey, Infinity, do you mind
if we take a quick photo, is that okay?

- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry.

[Payton] Thank you.

- My toes feel tingly.
- Let's get this hooked up.

- [Dusty] Infinity! Infinity!
- [crashing]

Infinity!

[nurse] Is that your nana?

Oh, my God.

Ma'am?

- Ma'am. Ma'am, calm down. She's all right.
- What the hell is going on here?

You just get away from her.
Get away from her.

- Ma'am!
- [Dusty] Who the hell are you, anyway?

I'm the ER nurse.

Infinity says she fainted.

We're gonna do some routine blood work

- while we ask you some questions...
- No, you are not taking any blood

from this girl
or doing nothing of the kind.

What are you doing? No. Ma'am, do not...

Ma'am, I'm gonna call security.

You go right ahead and call security.

- Okay, get up, get your shoes on.
- Okay.

Get your shoes on. Where's your stuff?

I will not have this little girl
poked and prodded.

She's been to the hospital
once already today.

She spent the whole g*dd*mn morning
being poked and prodded.

[Dusty panting]

C'mon get in the wheelchair.
We're leavin'.

Get up, get in here.

Do you even know what she has?
Have you talked to her doctors?

Huh?

This is her life.

Sometimes she faints.

She also has a raisin allergy.

Did somebody... Did you...
Did somebody here give her a raisin?

- No, ma'am.
- No.

[Dusty]
Her doctors and I will handle this.

Here is the name and number
of her full-time technician.

You want to try to get me arrested?

Well, that's just fine,
but you talk to him first, okay?

You just talk to him first.

- No, we're going home.
- [Infinity speaks indistinctly]

[Andrew] You dumbass.

Let me guess, she didn't want anyone
to run any tests on her, did she?

I told you she's faking it.

Is that a joint?

It helps with my seizures.

Oh. Yes, right.
I heard that weed is actually...

You dumbass, I don't get seizures.

I have cerebral palsy
and I like getting high.

Okay, so how do you know all this
about Infinity? What makes you so sure?

I've been in special ed with her
since first grade, you ass.

I've watched her every day for years.

Been in love with her
for as long as I can remember.

When you watch someone that closely
for that long,

you start to notice things,
little things no one else does.

How she moves, how she never can give
any details about what she's sick with.

What kind of person doesn't know
what kind of cancer they have?

And why is she always sicker
when she comes back from the hospital

than she was the day before?

Why haven't you told anyone?

A, I'm telling you right now,
and B, I did tell people.

I told the special ed teacher
and the assistant principal,

but they didn't believe me.

They gave me two weeks detention
for bullying, which is insane.

So what should I do?

Follow the blood work.

Astrid and Skye
are really turning people off.

We've outflanked them
in workplace harassment,

an issue that should've been theirs
for the taking, now they're panicking.

Latest tracking poll has us
within the margin of error.

I want us to remember this moment.

We bounced back ten points in a week

because people see us
getting real results.

While the other side
is passing out fliers,

we raised $45,000
for a full-time faculty member.

We are up in the polls
because we're walking the walk.

[sighs] All right, close your laptops,
turn off your phones,

I want to say something to the room.

Follow me.

[softly] All right, it's about Infinity.

Andrew told me something.

He has told two teachers that he thought
Infinity was faking her illnesses.

- [whispers] Balls.
- What did they do about it?

Nothing, except go after him
to shut him up.

Obviously there is no proof,
but we don't know who's heard what.

[scoffs] No, we're not doing this.
You're gonna leave this alone.

I'm not just gonna bury my head
in the sand.

That's exactly what you're gonna do,
and you're not gonna talk

to physically-challenged-or-whatever
Andrew again.

James is right. If it is true,
you need plausible deniability.

We just need to get through
the next three weeks.

Who knows who this kid Andrew is
or what he's after.

He could be a plant in Astrid's campaign
to try to sabotage us.

- I don't...
- It's real simple.

Just stop asking questions!
[voice echoes]

- [Infinity] Ow! Ow!
- [Dusty grunts]

Well, Jesus. If you sat still,
I wouldn't nick you.

[Infinity] Sorry.

[Infinity and Dusty speak indistinctly]

[doorbell rings]

[Dusty]
Hello, Payton. How nice of you to come.

- Ooh, and flowers. That's just too much.
- ["This Is My Life" playing]

[Infinity laughs]

- Me and Nana have been everywhere.
- Hmm.

- That's us at Disneyland.
- Cool.

That is the finale of American Idol,

where I got to meet Randy Jackson,
who is...

- so nice.
- Oh.

He played bass for Journey.
Can you believe it?

- Wow, I had no idea.
- Me either.

- [both laugh]
- Who's that? Is that your dad?

No, that's Ray the technician.
He works at the hospital.

My nana and, uh, Ray are really close.

He does all of my treatments,

and when I'm too sick
to go to the hospital,

- he'll come to the house or wherever I am.
- Mm-hmm.

Just, you know, so.

What are you doing down there,
you silly goose? I...

So he goes on trips with you?

- Sometimes. Like that, right there?
- Mm-hmm?

That's us at Busch Gardens with a camel.

Look at that. [chuckles]

[Dusty]
Infinity. Come help Nana set the table.

Yes, Nana.

♪ This is me ♪

♪ This is me ♪

♪ This is my life ♪

♪ And I don't give a damn... ♪

- Something smells great.
- [Dusty laughs]

Well?

- Bologna cups?
- [chuckles]

[Infinity] Yay! [laughs]

Well, now, don't you go judging us.

I know this isn't what you have for dinner
over on your side of town.

[Payton]
Oh, no. This looks... This looks great.

[Dusty] Hey, honey, be careful.

It's hot as lava.
You're gonna burn the roof of your mouth.

- Okay.
- Blow on it first, okay?

Some mashed potatoes.

So how is the election going?

It's good, as a matter of fact.

- Yeah, we are within a few points...
- That's good.

...and we definitely have the momentum,
so I like our chances.

- I'm so excited.
- Yes, very exciting.

♪ This is my life... ♪

So what's in it for us?

Excuse me?

[song ends]

Well, if, uh,
Infinity really goes out there

and gets out the vote

and, you know, you win the election,

what do we get out of it?

Hmm.

She really loves boats.

- Ah.
- [Dusty chuckles]

Specifically those
Disney-themed cruises, right?

Yeah. They're accessible
and so much fun... Hey!

The hell is wrong with you?

You don't reach over someone's plate,
you ask it to be passed.

[Infinity] May I have it be passed?

[Dusty]
Yes, of course you can have it passed.

So you're asking
if I would pay for a Disney cruise?

Well, basically, yeah.

- Nana.
- What?

- You're embarrassing me.
- Oh. [chuckles]

Come on. I mean, he's a wealthy kid.

I'm sure his family gives away millions
every year in charity, right?

I mean, this is like
a little drop in the bucket.

Well, Miss Jackson, Infinity...

you can absolutely count on that trip
if we win this election.

[both laughing]

- Well, have another.
- Oh, that's so nice!

- Did you hear that?
- And another.

- That's wonderful.
- Doubles.

- That's really wonderful. [laughs]
- Yeah.

- That's great.
- Least I can do.

[phone vibrating]

May I please be excused for one minute?

- [Dusty sighs]
- I'm sorry, is that okay?

- All right, go on.
- Okay, thank you.

[Dusty] Let me turn the record over.

- [whispers] What are you doing here?
- Whose car is in your driveway?

Shh! It's Payton. The kid who's running
for school president, remember?

- [slow ballad playing downstairs]
- Is he trying to get in your pants?

No, of course not. Gross. No.
Just please be quiet.

- Please.
- You make me so horny.

- I want to have sex with you right now.
- I can't, we're in the middle of dinner.

It'll just take a second.

Fine! You can touch my boobs
over my shirt, but don't make a mess.

You have three minutes.

[whispers] One, two, three, four, five...

I see. So sounds like you have traveled
pretty extensively throughout Florida.

Florida, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we've been to the panhandle
and the Gulf Coast.

- Central Florida, St. Augustine.
- I'm sorry, Miss Jackson,

but there's something that has come
to my attention that I need to bring up.

It's... It's Infinity.

I've heard a rumor about her.

About my Infinity?

Yes, ma'am. Uh...

A boy at school told me that
Infinity has been faking her illnesses,

presumably for monetary gain.

Who told you that?

No, no, wait, wait.

Let me guess.

I bet it was that little pissant Andrew,
right?

Well, let me tell you something about him.

I caught him masturbating
in front of my granddaughter.

Oh, I did a little bit
of reporting myself.

I called the school about him.

I see. I had not heard about that.

How dare you come into our home
and accuse my granddaughter.

Oh, no, ma'am, I'm not accusing her,
I simply wanted to...

Oh, the hell you aren't.

You come waltzing in here
with that ridiculous sweater,

that fancy hair.

You have no right to treat us like that.
[slams table]

Ma'am, I am very sorry.
I shouldn't have even brought it up.

That's right.
You shouldn't have brought it up.

Do you have any idea
what I've been through with her?

I have not slept for more than 15 minutes
at a stretch since she was born.

- Do you have any idea what that's like?
- [Infinity] Nana?

[Dusty] Every night,
I wake up in the middle of the night,

I go running into her room
to make sure that she's still breathing,

that the good Lord
hasn't taken her from me.

You don't believe me?

Here.

Here are her medical records,
the last five years.

Go ahead, read 'em, son of a bitch.
Go ahead, read 'em.

You're smart, you're rich,
you should get through 'em pretty quickly.

Miss Jackson, I'm sorry I upset you.
I thinkI should probably go now.

You're using her. You are using her
for your own purposes, and shame on you.

You should have defended her.

Shame on you!

I'm very sorry,
but I do have to go now, okay?

What? No, no, no, no, wait. Wait.
Here, take some of these.

- Nana.
- Take some of these.

Take some of these!

Take 'em with you.

You can stick 'em up all over town
so the rumors will stop.

Take 'em, you stupid son of a bitch!

[shrieking]

[man] Thank you for coming
on short notice, Mrs. Hobart.

Well, you made it sound awfully urgent.

I imagine it's something to do with
Mr. Hobart being in the hospital?

Mr. Hobart's will is very clear that
in the event he is incapacitated,

you, his wife, have power of attorney.
However...

You're not his wife anymore.

Boys, can we have this discussion
without lawyers present?

You told Dad you wanted a divorce
before he jumped.

Lupe says you've been living
out of the house for a month now.

Mom, what are they talking about?

It is our opinion that if the facts
were brought before a judge,

he would find that, for legal purposes,

your behavior would constitute
a legal separation from your husband,

which would initiate the clause
in your prenuptial agreement

which states that if you were to leave
Mr. Hobart for another person...

You get nothing,
which means you get nothing either,

you little pasty nugget.

Martin, you've been awfully quiet.
Is this what you want?

Isn't this what you want?

To be able to just disappear with him
and never see us again?

Mom, don't say another word
until we find counsel.

You get ready for the fight of your lives.

[Georgina] It's true.

Everything they're saying is right.

I am in love with someone else
and I asked your father for a divorce,

and I agreed to that clause in the prenup.

It seemed fair at the time.

Never could I have imagined
falling in love with someone else.

I had given up on love
by the time I said yes to marrying him.

Mom, don't do this.

I love you boys.

I nursed you on my own breasts,
one on each side.

No nanny. I bathed you every night.

I know our relationship is flawed
and I'm to blame.

A mother should open her heart
to her children,

not make them fight their way in,
but I do care.

Please don't punish your little brother
for my sins.

[snorts]

[laughter]

- [chuckles]
- [door opens]

[laughs]

You're gonna have to move out, you know.

If you said to me right now,
"Let's start fresh.

Let's be the men of this family together,
let's carry on the name, honor our father.

Create a vision
for the future of this great house,"

then I would forgive everything.

If I can do that, after all the tortures
that you two have put me through,

can't you?

Have you ever heard of pangenesis?

[Payton] No.

Hippocrates believed that
there are tiny body parts

that moved through a person's blood
into their genitals

and passed along to their offspring.

- [whispers] Bloodlines.
- Jesus.

Powerful bonds between
parents and children.

Laws are passed to protect them.

That's how important the true line
of descent has been to western culture.

Yes, and those same theories were used
by eugenicists to institutionalize racism.

Well, you don't belong here.

You're not one of us
and you never will be.

I know I'm an outsider, all right?

That's why I appreciate it all so much.

That's why I go to Mom's
charity functions and...

visit antique stores to see
if I can find some lost volume for Dad.

It's why I've been trying to elevate
our family name by becoming president,

and it's why I've been
by our father's bedside holding his hand

and praying for him.

- It's a little late for ass-kissing, bro.
- [Luther laughs]

Yeah, see, um,
that's where you're wrong, bro.

Um... Dad is improving.

Doctor said it's a miracle.

He's still in a coma,
but his brain waves are normalizing

and his feet are responsive
to sharp touch.

So he's gonna wake up. [chuckles]

Maybe not tomorrow or next week,
but eventually.

And then, Mom and I are gonna tell him
how you've acted and...

well, all the bloodlines in the world
won't be able to save you.

[McAfee] Ray the technician's full name
is Ray Callawalich.

He's been working at the lab
at the children's hospital

for the last six years,
which, as far as I can tell,

is the longest he's held down any job,

though he owes them his loyalty because
they seem unperturbed by the fact that

he was arrested for wire fraud
in the late 90s and never charged.

- Wire fraud?
- It gets grosser.

He has all of four friends on Facebook,
two are Infinity and her grandmother,

the other two are Legoland
and Mrs. Fields Cookies.

And he posted eight hours ago
that he's, quote,

"Excited," but he misspelled excited,
"to go to Atlantis," misspelled Atlantis,

"with my dear fiend Infinity
and her grandmother," end quote.

And he tried tagging Infinity,

but he ended up tagging an Infinity SUV
in the background.

What's Atlantis?

Wait, are you serious?

Oh, of course, you're too rich.

It's amazing,
it's like the best resort ever.

That is, if you like waterslides,
but come on,

I mean, they have this waterslide
that goes underwater with,

like, sharks and stuff.

Anyway, don't you think it's weird that
this dimwitted lab technician would be,

like, best friends with a patient
at his hospital?

[Payton] You have a theory?

Munchausen by proxy.
She's making Infinity sick.

Oh, come on.

Grandmother's on the take
and co-opted a dimwitted lab technician,

bribing him with vacations and cruises
and God knows what else

so she can tinker with
Infinity's medical records.

- This seems impossible to prove.
- It's totally possible to prove.

We host a blood drive, get a sample,
test it independently.

Don't look at me like that.
We'll make it a campaign event,

a statement saying that ignorance
about HIV has no place in our society

and anyone at our school who wants to
can donate blood,

including gays and Haitians.

I'll set it up, it'll be a slam dunk.

- There aren't any Haitians at this school.
- There's one. Pierre.

We'll nail down the gay vote
and the Haitian vote.

- Literally the Haitian vote.
- That's right.

One more thing, we don't tell James
why we're doing the blood drive.

Why not?

He's trigger happy about dumping Infinity.
This might send him over the edge.

He'd probably end up f*ring her himself.
Maybe this could be nothing.

Maybe this guy's just a wall-eyed creep
who likes hanging out with teenagers

and their grandmothers at theme parks
and it ends there.

Until we know for sure,
we keep this between us, okay?

Okay.

Great. Nice meeting you.

I've tried to give blood in the past,
but I've been told that I can't,

because every year my family travels
to Port-au-Prince,

and Haiti is a malaria zone.

Which I think is a lie.

The real reason is ignorance
and xenophobia and AIDS hysteria.

And for Payton to notice
something like that,

I think if this is the attention to detail
he'll show as president,

he has a sh*t at leading one of
the most meaningful student governments

in the history of this school.

I just got your text.
What's going on? What is this?

It's bad is what it is.
Why aren't we doing stuff like this?

You're the candidate.
I should be asking you that question.

[Infinity] Hi.

- Thanks, everyone.
- Thank you all for coming, really.

[Infinity] I'm so excited. Okay.

- I'm good.
- How's it going?

Thank you for being here.
Appreciate your help.

Really appreciate it.

- Take good care of her.
- Get her all hooked up and...

I'm gonna try not to make a scene,

but we might want to have
a discussion outside.

- James, calm down.
- Shut your cake hole, McAfee.

James!

You organized this whole thing
behind my back, didn't you?

That is a profound breach
of our relationship.

Payton, do not do this.
This is something you do not want to know.

Whatever is going on with her,
this hinges on you not knowing about it.

This Pet Band audition must be
really stressing you out.

- Screw you.
- Screw you.

We are gonna get a sample of her blood,
send it to a lab,

and measure her blood proteins,
run a CBC and a tumor marker test.

If she has cancer,
one of the tests will flag it.

Payton, I'm telling you,
if she's faking, it's gonna get out.

The only people that will see the results
are the three of us,

and I trust both of you 100 percent.

I need to know, James.

[Infinity] Nurses at the hospital say
that I've got great veins.

I'm like, "Yeah, maybe it's because
you guys poke me so much."

[man laughs]

[soft piano melody playing]

[harmonizing notes]

Thank you for encouraging me
to keep playing the piano.

Music gives us permission to feel.

You need that more than most.

I like what you're doing
with your campaign.

It's very positive.

It's important that it stays that way.
People need something to believe in.

I think the positivity may just be
a means to an end.

I don't know yet if I'm a good person.

You don't have to be a good person
as long as you do good things.

[voice quavers] I miss you.

[footsteps approaching]

Mr. Payton?

There are two gentlemen here to see you.

I put them in the patio
with snacks and mineral water.

[footsteps retreating]

I've been accepted.

- [all chuckling]
- Enjoy the moment, Payton.

Um, I... I will. I am. I am.
I need to call my mother. [laughs]

I'm sorry, I don't understand.
How did I get off of the waitlist?

Have people that got in,
they dropped out? Or...?

No.

Are you familiar with
the Slavic languages department?

Our research has determined
that Slavic languages,

Russian, Ukrainian,
Bulgarian, for example,

are going to be an area of value
for our graduates in the near future.

And that is where you come in.
[chuckles]

An extended department is not
an inexpensive undertaking.

We need to hire staff,
create new software,

curriculum, uh, build a new facility.

I see.

So, you would like me to pay for that
as my price of admission?

Well, your family.

We assume they're still in charge
of all funds.

They've been extremely generous
in the past.

Your brothers were not nearly
the applicants you are.

[men chuckle softly]

Gentlemen, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
I need to be accepted on my merits.

This is not the first time
this sort of thing's been done.

No, I know. Right? Everyone knows.

When you arrive on campus with the same
last name as one of the buildings,

people can do the math.

Well, if the notoriety is a problem,
we can make the donation anonymous.

No, that only works
if you live a life without distinction.

I'm going to be running for president.

This will be weaponized against me.

Payton Hobart wasn't good enough then,
and he's not good enough now.

You have a week to reconsider.

You're not the only applicant
on the waitlist with money.

Just the one with the most of it.

Are these just, uh, just cashews?

- [Payton] Just cashews.
- Oh.

I'm allergic to tree nuts, so.

- [softly] Shouldn't we be in disguise?
- Oh, my God. We're supposed to be seen.

If we snuck in in disguise,
they'd suspect that we m*rder*d him.

But I thought we were murdering him.

God. We are murdering him.
What is wrong with you?

[whispers] I'm sorry,
I've never committed patricide before.

[whispers] Hi.

[heart monitor beeps steadily]

What do you feel?

About him?

[Luther]
Yes. What do you feel about our father?

Do you love him?

I mean, I always cared that he loved me.

Is that the same thing?

I love him.

I don't respect him, though. He's weak.

Who's gonna hold the pillow?

I will. I don't mind.

Thanks.

I'm suddenly feeling weird about this,
though.

You know, k*lling our own father.

Stop.

This is our only chance.
Our only opportunity to have everything.

If he wakes up, Mom and Payton
are gonna ruin it all for us.

Did you listen to the Menendez Brothers'
911 tapes like I asked you to?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

So when we get the nurse
to let her know Dad isn't breathing,

you cannot act too hysterical...

Why do you think you have to boss me
around like I don't know what I'm doing?

I'm your older brother.

By 47 seconds.

Sorry if I want everything
to go perfectly, okay?

Okay, you're acting like I don't.

You're not a very detail-oriented person.
It's just a fact.

[sighs]

I guess I would appreciate it if you were
a little gentler when giving me advice.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Hello, boys.

Is there a new chef?

I don't think so.

Because these sprouts
are more savory than usual.

I wonder if that blow to my head
has affected my taste buds.

The doctors say there shouldn't be
any long-term adverse effects,

aside from a possible slight limp.

Well, I find that limps give a man
a certain distinction and worldliness.

Totally. They're super sexy.

Mmm.

I misjudged Payton.

It was shocking to wake up from my coma
and to see him there at my bedside.

He was reading verses from chapter three
of Remembrance of Things Past.

"What special pleasure..."

[gasping]

[father] In that moment,
when all I could feel was gratitude

for the gift that is life,

I saw him sitting there alone
performing this simple, loving gesture,

and I knew I had been wrong about him
all this time.

[chuckles]

He tried telling me about
how Martin and Luther had behaved

during my coma, but I didn't believe him.

- How could I? My own sons?
- [Payton speaks indistinctly]

- So he hatched a plan to prove it to me.
- No!

He laid the trap with the boys.

The hopes of my recovery
would be the bait.

[Luther] He's weak.

[father] I was awake the entire time
they were in my room...

- [Luther] Who's gonna hold the pillow?
- ...coldly discussing murdering me.

[Martin] I will. Do not mind.

[father] It broke my heart.

[exhaling]

You're upset.

My goodness.

Well, of course you would be.
Our sons tried to m*rder me.

Honestly, that's not
what's bumming me out.

Patricide is so on-brand for the twins.

I don't think they would've been able
to go through with it.

Martin certainly
wouldn't have been able to.

Mmm.

It's Payton.

That kind of duplicity.

It's a terrible quality in a man.

Payton saved me,
and I'm gonna make sure he's repaid.

But I have conditions.

- You will have to end it with Brigitte.
- No.

I couldn't stand having someone else
have something over me

when it comes to you.

What about Payton? I love him.

I know, which is why I know that
the only way I will ever get you

to go back to pretending with me
is to assure you that if you do,

I will do everything in my power
to make all of Payton's dreams come true.

Darling.

Oh!

You're back.

We... We've come up with a plan
for making amends.

One hundred hours of community service.

- [snorts]
- [whispers] Sir...

I've made my decision.

I'm leaving everything to Payton
and your mother.

You two are out.

I'm gonna k*ll you.

- Oh!
- [grunting]

All right.

[exhaling]

[father] I have informed Harvard

that I will no longer
be paying your tuition.

If you want to remain there,
I'm sure there is a work-study program.

[stammers] Are you saying that
we're not getting anything?

No. I've decided to give you
one thing of my own.

The Harrington Commode.

It only gives me bad memories now.

We have to pay taxes on the value of it.

You're sending us off into debt.

I know.

Congratulations, son.

You are the heir to my fortune
and my heart.

Are you f*cking serious?

I'm as sad about this as you are.

You've ruined love for me.

I know.

Gotta stop doing that to people.

Brigitte, don't throw yourself
out a window.

[horses nickering]

If you want to ride away with her,
you know I'll support you.

I made a promise. I'm going to keep it.

[Georgina sighs]

[voice breaking]
Your ambition frightens me.

[door shuts]

Where have you been? You're late.

What are you talking about?
You said 4:00 p.m. I'm right on time.

You're always ten minutes early,
which means, for you,

right on time is late.

Well, sorry I had to pee.

I'll look into a catheter
so this long national nightmare

of my occasional need to urinate
can finally be over.

You have the results?

All right. Can I just say something?

Even though you're going to ignore me
despite knowing I'm right,

because I've suddenly become the villain
and the object of your suspicion,

as if I had anything in mind other than
what is right for this campaign

and what will win us this race...

can we please consider not opening that?

If we open that, there's no going back.

Everything changes, forever.

Open it.

Her levels are 100 percent normal.

- [James] Jesus.
- [sighs]

Infinity doesn't have a single cancer cell
in her body.

So, just gonna ask the obvious question:

what are you gonna do now?

[theme music playing]
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