02x05 - Finding Magnolia

[bunniefuu]

Yeah!

Everyone was excited
about the annual Fairy Tale Costume Ball.

Everyone but me.

I had always felt like an outsider,

but lately it had gotten worse.

I felt so alone.

Nobody could possibly understand
what I had been through.

I couldn't get back my boyfriend,
my pageant career,

the family I grew up with,
or the sister I never knew.

But maybe the one thing I could get back
was my memory of what happened to me

during those 18 hours I blacked out.

I had clues, but no way to follow them.
The drawing on my arm

and this picture of me
with these two strangers.

Could they help me fill in the blanks?

I have a lead on your mysterious
ShenaniCam photo.

How? The girls aren't tagged.
They're not on social...

I know,
but I've been stalking the account.

It looks like it's run by a student
who documents campus life.

Whenever the photographer posts, they tag
their location. That's how we find them.

We just need to go to Hughes' campus
and wait for them to post again.

Oh, my God, that's genius!

What's genius?

I figured out a way to find the person

who posted that photo of Magnolia
at Hughes University.

We are gonna retrace her steps
that day to jog her memory.

We're gonna Hangover this bitch.

Hm-mm.

I mean, didn't they get bit
by a tiger on The Hangover?

And someone married a hooker.

Yes! But they still found their friend,
and once we solve this,

I will have the perfect story
to use in my interview for John Jay.

- What's that?
- College for criminal justice.

I decided to become a cop like my dad.

I would've told you,
but you're a little busy with Brick.

Let's go to Hughes first thing Saturday.

Saturday is the dance.

So we'll just have
to make it back in time.

This is gonna be awesome.

Not for me.

Hmm... Yay! Hangover!

- Yeah!
- Okay.

- I'll go with you guys!
- Sure!

If Magnolia remembered that day,
she might remember the night before.

What did you do?

[Milady.

What's all this?

It's a teaser of my costume for the dance.
And I got you a costume, too.

Try it on.
I wanna see how we'll look together.

Now?

I was mortified.

Was the costume too small?

Or was my body too big?

What happened? I wanted to see it on you.

Or you hate it?
'Cause I can get us different costumes.

No. That's not it.

There are other princess dresses,
but they weren't in your size.

This isn't my size.

It's... too small.

I'm sorry.

Hey, why? I mean, you're gonna look great
in whatever costume and...

the whole point
is for me to get you out of it anyway.

Right?

I had the hottest boyfriend alive,
and I couldn't enjoy him.

Even if I could get out of my head
about my body,

I couldn't stop thinking about Magnolia.

I have that test tomorrow.

What if she remembered
seeing me with that crowbar?

Did she see me k*ll him?
Would she turn me in?

We can't!

My mom's gonna be home soon.

What if I went to jail?
Would Brick still want me then?

Are you not into me? It feels like it did
before you ditched me for Christian.

He had to bring up Christian.

No. This is not like that at all,
I promise.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I had to put
this whole Magnolia thing to bed

if I ever wanted to go to bed with Brick.

What do you mean?

I don't know. It's like Patty's
not into it or something.

Do you want me to just ask her?

We're spending the day together Saturday.

She volunteered to help
track the girls from the photo.

Okay, that's weird.

Weirder than you talking to your ex
about your current sex life?

Or lack thereof.

I've never had any complaints before.

Are you asking...

Wait, is there something?

Magnolia! You have to tell me!

No, I... I can't.

As my friend, please.

Okay, fine!

Fine. I was never gonna say anything,

but since you're asking...

It's the way that you kiss.

Sometimes it felt like
you were trying to, like, lick my tonsils.

And sometimes you'd put
your whole mouth over mine,

and I felt like I was suffocating.

You'd stick your tongue in my mouth...

and you'd just leave it there
like it was this weird, warm slug.

Gross! I sound horrible.

I mean, listen, you can get away
with a lot when you're hot.

Hm.

What am I supposed to do?

YouTube it.

Yeah.

When it comes to being Masonville's mayor,

I'm willing to roll up my sleeves
and get in there.

In fact, I'm so committed,
I'll give y'all the shirt off my back.

Masonville needs a strong mayor.

Someone who can flex their power.

Throw another couple of 45s on there, Joe.

Vote Bob Barnard.

I got this!

Unbelievable.

He's too perfect.

People want someone
they can go have a beer with.

Someone who's relatable, like me.

You? Relatable?
You're wearing an ascot and lipstick.

It is tinted ChapStick.

Okay, fine. Point taken.

Besides, you've got bigger problems.

Your little outburst
at the Wiener Taco went viral.

Screw your Will & Grace mayoral bullshit!

I'm running for mayor, too.

I mean, I thought it was awesome, but...

apparently people think you're a real d*ck

for going off on your wife
the night of her big event.

I only spoke the truth.

Bob, if you want to win mayor,
you need people to like you.

You have to issue a public apology.

Are you serious?

I finally stand up for myself,
and you want me to apologize?

- Hm!
- No! No way!

Rule number one:
in modern politics, never admit fault.

It's like giving amm*nit*on to your enemy.

Bob! You have an image problem.

I solve image problems for a living.

We will do it my way.

When one of my pageant girls
has a snafu,

I tell her to go out
and do something good.

Change the narrative,
get people on her side.

So I need to go out and, I don't know,
shake some hands, kiss some babies.

We should have an event.

Yeah. Yeah!

Meet me at the park at lunch.
I have an idea.

Hey, where are you off to?

I'm going to Hughes University for the day
with Nonnie and Magnolia.

What about your OA meeting?

OA?

As in Overeaters Anonymous?
You're going to meetings?

Yeah. You missed a lot
while you were gone.

I'm being of service to Magnolia.

I'm helping her figure out

what happened to her
the night she blacked out.

Um...

Can I speak to you for a moment?

In private?

Help Magnolia? Are you crazy?

If she remembers, no State for you.

No mayor for me!

I'm going to cockblock her.

Make sure she doesn't remember.

Relax. Besides,
it's better than thinking of food.

That's Nonnie.
I've gotta go. I'll keep you posted.

I thought seeing the campus
would jog my memory,

but I had zero recollection
of being there.

Looks like the photographer was
just at the campus activity center.

That sounds far away.

The campus map says it's right here.

Come on.

I see him.

Follow me.

Hey. Are you the campus life photographer?

I am, but I'm on my way
to photograph a rally.

Oh. Dory!

Dory? Like on my arm?

- Wait, did you draw it?
- No. You don't remember me?

Did you take this?

Yeah, I did, but I really...

Do you still have the photos?

- Let me see your camera.
- Nonnie, he said he has to go.

There.

- Perfect. Thank you so much.
- Thanks.

- No problem.
- Bye, girl.

- Bye!
- Bye!

Hey. What's your name?

I don't remember.

Are you like Dory
from Finding Nemo or something?

You're the one who nicknamed me Dory!

- Do you remember anything else?
- I really have to go.

Well, that's that. We should...

Wow.

He couldn't help us for two minutes?

- Rude!
- Come on, give him a break.

People have been harassing him
about that photo for weeks.

It was the last time anyone saw Pierre
before he went missing.

- Who's Pierre?
- School mascot. The French bulldog.

People are freaking out that he's gone.

- Is it really that big of a deal?
- Yes!

People take football seriously.

And Pierre is lucky.

Ever since he went missing,
we've been losing.

Wait, do you know the other two girls?

We should go.
We've taken up enough of his time.

Everybody knows
who they are since the photo went viral.

Their names are Kelly and Jasmine.

- They live in Franklin Hall.
- Kelly and Jasmine...

Franklin Hall...

f*ck!

Hey! What's up, guys?

Stu, the Kissing Bandit back at you

with another tutorial on how to kiss girls

and make them
want to come back for more.

One thing to keep in mind,

make sure that they actually
want to kiss you back.

There is nothing sexier than consent.

You might be thinking,

"Stu, what if I don't want
to subject my girlfriend

to my crappy kissing practice?"

Well, I have the solution for you.

Practice...

with a mango,

or any other small, fist-sized fruit

with a soft, wet, pulpy inside.

You cut a hole into the skin,

deep enough for your tongue
and get down to business.

Two things to keep in mind, guys:

one, don't be a slobberpuss.

And two,
be a little stingy with your tongue.

Think of it as your flirty worm,

not your chokey anaconda.

Okay? Nobody likes that.

And most of all,

just have fun.

Hey!

Ooh!

Oh, I can't thank you enough
for letting me live with you!

Once I get
my nude self-portrait from storage,

our apartment will feel
like a home, plus...

Honey, what's wrong?

I can't find a date
to the Fairy Tale Formal tonight.

Oh! Baby girl.

We will find you a date online.

Who knows? The wheelchair might help.

There is a fetish for everything!

Um, no!

Hi! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!

- Can you read English?
- English.

Yes. Okay, yeah.

'Cause there is a sign
on the door that says

- we open in one hour.
- Open.

- We open in one hour.
- Yes.

- W-O-N, an hour.
- Actually, we're here to see you.

We saw the news story

about the pageant girl
who faked being in a wheelchair

only to actually end up
being in a wheelchair

and recognized you.

We're your birth family.

Uh, scam artists!

Oh, yeah, looking to get
a piece of the Wiener Taco.

This is your dad.

- Okay.
- This is your brother, Henry.

- And I'm your mom.
- Yeah, right.

I can prove it.
I know things only a mother would.

Oh, okay, yeah. Like what?

You have a third nipple.

Uh, one in 10,000!

- And 11 toes.
- More common than you think.

And a birthmark on your butt
in the shape of a better butt.

Oh, my God, Mama!

Come here! Oh, my God!

I can't believe that you guys came
all the way from China just to see me.

- China?
- Yes, where I was adopted.

You weren't adopted.

You were kidnapped
from the Mall of Minneapolis.

- What?
- And you're not from China.

- You're Korean.
- What?

Mama!

Mama!

Come and get
one of Bob Armstrong's loaded wieners!

They're plump and juicy!

Have a wiener on Bob!

Here you go. Go hand them out.

Angie, what the hell?

I know, right?

There's no bad press
a little free wien can't cure!

No, Angie!

The second rule of modern politics:
never get photographed eating a hot dog!

Well, I didn't photograph you.

It's photoshopped.

Come on! f*ck the rules.

You're eating a wiener,
and you look sexy as hell.

No! Absolutely not!

It's a bad headline
just waiting to happen.

You know, not for nothing,
but if this is you being more likable,

I'll vote for hot Bob, too.

Come on!

Now, who's a likable boy?

- What?
- Who's a likable boy?

- I'm likable, Angie!
- Yes, you are, and who wants to be mayor?

- I'm gonna be mayor.
- Are you gonna be mayor?

- I'm gonna...
- Gonna be mayor?

I get it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You're going to get out there,
win over some voters,

kiss some babies.

- Yes. All right!
- All right.

Oh, sh*t.

I felt weirdly comfortable
at Hughes.

Maybe it was because here,

for the first time in my life,
I didn't stand out.

Hey, you two. Student IDs please.

Would I feel less isolated here?
Could this be a place for me to belong?

Hey! Do you know what room
Kelly and Jasmine are in?

Damn, it must be in here somewhere.

No worries! We'll catch up with you later.

Sorry, ladies. No ID, you've gotta leave.

Nonnie might not
have been worried, but I was.

I couldn't let Magnolia out of my sight.

Who knew what would trigger her memory?

Nonnie, we can't just let her go.

It's fine. We'll just wait for her here.

But those girls are alleged dognappers,
and who knows what...

You sound crazy.

I don't even know why you came.
You and Magnolia aren't even friends.

We're friends.

Come on. You kinda
just stole her boyfriend.

- I didn't.
- Why make such a big effort now?

Because.

Lie! Lie! Lie!

Magnolia and Brick have been
spending time together,

and I am afraid that she still wants him.

So if I help her out,
get really close to her,

maybe she'll be less likely
to screw me over.

I guess that makes sense.

There has to be another way in.

Come on! I have an idea.

Hey! I don't know if you remember me,

- but I...
- Where have you been this whole time?

In Masonville. I'm a high school senior.

Yeah?

While you've been playing Degrassi,
we've been getting harassed

because of that ShenaniCam post.

Everyone thinks that we took Pierre.

You had him when we left you.
Do you know where he is?

No.

I don't remember anything
from that day. I lost my memory.

Oh, my God. That is some whacked out
Days of Our Lives bullshit.

We've had to take ourselves
off social media.

We're thinking of moving off campus,
all because of a dog

that you had.

So much for fitting in.

Stop! Hey!

- Magnolia!
- Stop!

Magnolia!

Magnolia, tell them we're your friends!

Patty, Nonnie, what is going on?

They just climbed in through my window!

You know what? I'm calling security.

Uh, so how's it going?
Did you remember anything?

Not yet.

That photo of us
is the only clue I have from that day.

Besides this.

But I'm hoping if I play
the day backwards, maybe I'll remember.

The doctors think
I might've seen something traumatic,

and it could've affected my memory.

What happened right before
you took that photo?

Did the three of you spend
any time together?

No! We saw her with Pierre,
we went to pet him,

that dude took a photo,
we moved on. It was two minutes.

What's the last thing you do remember?

Hitting my head. I have a video. See?

- Whoa! Slow down!
- Uh!

Go back a little. I think I see something.

Why are you helping them?

Because if they can figure out
what happened that day,

maybe they can help us find Pierre.

Zoom in.

That's a Hughes scooter.

But you can't get one
without a student ID.

You must've borrowed one
from someone you met that day.

Maybe they know what happened.

The scooter office keeps records.

Let's go see who checked out 444.

- Come on.
- Let's do it!

Darn. I guess it's time to head back.

- What? No!
- Wait! I can pick the lock.

Nonnie, don't be stupid.

It'll only take a minute.

With every clue, we were one step
closer to Christian and that crowbar.

- You want me to...
- k*ll her.

Patty? Patty, what's happening?

Do it, or I will!

- Do what?
- Patty, now!

I had to do something, so I lied.

sh*t, someone's coming! Run!

Yes!

Nonnie, come on! Let's go.

- Leave it!
- No! It was a birthday gift from my dad!

Who cares?

- Officer, I can explain.
- Save it.

I already received a call
about two white girls breaking into dorm.

I'm throwing you off campus,
and if you come back,

there will be legal consequences.

Understood?

Let's go.

Come on, girl!

Let's give it up
for the All Campus Undie Run participants.

All proceeds go to...

No undies, huh?

What's your name?

Oh.

This is Dory and I'm Nemo.

What?

I remembered something.

I was with a girl... braids, tattoos.

She drew on my arm.

And then we got hammered.

And then I saw the pageant on TV.

And then I stole her ID.

That must've been how I got the scooter.

Maybe she came with me to Regionals.
Maybe she remembers something I don't.

- Maybe she knows where Pierre is.
- What was her name?

I don't remember,
but she called me Dory and herself...

Nemo.

You're saying we need to find Nemo?

How?

That's obviously not her real name,

and there's, like,
3,000 people on this campus.

You're right. It's pointless.

Unless...

we could put out a message.

Through text or social media.

Is that the campus radio station?

Yeah.

Maybe we go old-school.

See? We're undercover.

We look like drunk moms
during parents' weekend.

We'll stand out.

What were you thinking,
breaking into that office?

I was trying to solve the case.

Solve the case. Undercover.
Nonnie, you're not a cop.

Wow.

Well, I mean not yet.

No, I get it.
You don't think I'm good enough.

That's not what I said.

You didn't have to.

You've been acting
like an assh*le all day.

And here's Dory with an old-school
lost connection announcement.

I'm looking for my friend, Nemo.

I could really use your help,
so if you're listening,

please come find me
at the rock on the quad.

I'm going... to support my friend.

You can do whatever you want.

Say, "I got this!"

All right.

Bob Barnard, quelle surprise.
What the hell are you doing here?

I'm just meeting voters,
gathering support.

You ain't hijacking my event!

It's nothing you didn't do to Coralee.

I can't help it if my natural charm
and charisma draws people in.

But, hey.

Don't let me keep you
from the slow train to Loser Town.

Rudy and I have plenty to talk about.
He's endorsing me for mayor.

Oh! Like he endorsed me at the gym,
in the steam room.

Jesus!

Bob, that's private.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize

two people having sex
in a public place was so hush-hush!

You got this, Bob!

How does it feel,
having my sloppy seconds?

That's right. You know!

Stella Rose, Coralee...

How's it feel, knowing
your father's financing my campaign?

Yeah. Oh, and when he found out
you were running,

he doubled my funds.

Excuse us.

Come on.

Hey, are you all right?

No.

I just found out my father doubled down
on financing Bob Barnard's campaign.

We're doing all this
to get people to support me,

and the one person who should
automatically be on my side

is backing my competition.

I've had it. I'm going to talk to him.

I'm here. What's so important?

I'm running for mayor now, Dad.

You can't still be financing
Bob Barnard's campaign.

"Good to see you, Dad.
Thanks for coming by.

Hey, how's retirement going?"

Sure. That.

I am trying to get voters
out there to like me,

and my own dad picks the other guy?

I mean, could you just be
on my side for once in your life?

Son, come on.

I'm always on your side.

Uh-huh? Like when?

Well, like senior year.

Huh? I knew you weren't gonna
make the track team,

but I still bought you
those expensive sneakers.

Yeah, I was more interested in the shoes
than I was in running in a f*cking circle.

You were just so damn fragile.

Any other kid
I'd have sent off to m*llitary school...

or conversion therapy.

But I felt sorry for you.

So I put up with your pansy-ass bullshit.

Jesus! Dad,
what do you want me to do? Thank you?

Well, you should thank me.

For protecting you your entire life.

Mom protected me.

From you. Of course, it's always
the good parent who dies first.

You don't know the first thing
about your mother.

What is that supposed to mean?

Forget it.

You couldn't handle it then.
You couldn't handle it now.

What are you talking about?

Just drop it, all right?

And don't run for mayor.

It's only going to crush you
when you lose to your boyfriend.

Don't change the subject, Dad.

That's why I'm not endorsing you.

I'm still protecting you.

Dad, just tell me.

What about Mom?

She didn't die of cancer.

Happy?

What are you talking about?

Of course she d*ed of cancer.

She came home from the hospital
and d*ed of complications from chemo.

The only hospital she ever went to
was Masonville psych ward.

Your mother was depressed her whole life.

Doctor after doctor,
and treatment after treatment.

She begged me for a Christmas at home.

So...

I checked her out.

And the first chance she got,
she took a bunch of pills.

I don't... I...

I don't believe you.

She was bipolar, Bob.

She k*lled herself when you were eight.

Cancer was easier for you to understand.

You wouldn't blame yourself.

Son, I lied to you
to save you the heartache,

and I carried it.

I carried it all on my own.

So the next time you think
that I'm not on your side...

you think about that.

Well...

This was fun.

But now, if you'll excuse me,

I have an alt-right coalition meeting
to attend and, well,

I'm taking the minutes. So...

I'm so sorry.

So... my mama's just gone?

She's not your mama.

All her things are gone.

Her cell phone's been disconnected.

We've put out an all-points bulletin...

...but Ms. Sinclair's evaded even
drawing suspicion for nearly two decades.

She's a very accomplished criminal.

Thank you.

This is all my fault.

That you got kidnapped.
That you ended up in this wheelchair.

Maybe if we had found you sooner,
none of this would have happened.

Excuse me. I'm looking for Dixie Sinclair.

Who the hell are you?

Your date for the Fairy Tale Formal.
I'm the pee from Princess and the Pee.

It's P-E-A. Like the vegetable.

Your mom hired me.

- Wait, you spoke to Regina?
- Yeah.

I'd like to ask you some questions.

Come with me.

Come on.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I need to give you something.

Bob, I said I would help you,
but I am not gonna sh**t Bob Barnard.

I don't want you to sh**t anyone.
Just take it. Just throw it away.

Destroy it.
I just... I never want to see it again.

What's this all about?

I spoke to my father. I...

He told me my mother didn't die of cancer,

but that she committed su1c1de.

Oh, my God. That's... That's awful.

Yeah, she didn't...

ask for help.
She didn't fight. She just checked out.

I'm so sorry.

And I am just like her.

And I don't want to be.

I've done so much damage, Angie.
So many things I can't fix.

But I can't take the easy way out.

Okay.

I want to take responsibility.
Fix what I can.

I'm ready for that public apology.

Hey.

It's all right.

It's getting late. Nemo's not showing up.

What a waste of a day.

Day's not over.
I can't go home until I have answers.

Dognappers!

Just leave!

Just leave? God damn it!

I wish we'd never met you.

Do you have any idea
of what we lost because of you?

Yeah, Pierre.

It is not about a f*cking dog.

I came to an HBCU thinking
that these four years could be

the only time in my life
where I wouldn't have to worry

about being judged
by the color of my skin.

But because of that photo,
I lost my community, and that hurt.

And I shouldn't have to explain
that to you of all people.

You're right. You shouldn't have
to explain that to me because I get it.

I've been eyeballed
when I've walked into a high-end store.

I've been singled out
during Black History Month

for my "unique" perspective.

I've been pulled over more than once

for driving my dad's car
because the police thought I stole it.

- Yes, exactly. So...
- But that's not my whole story!

Because even though
I'm seen as a black woman in this world,

I'm biracial.
I've got a black mom and a white dad.

So that community
that you talk about that you've lost,

I've never had that.

Ever.

At least you get to come
to a place like this where people get it.

I wouldn't know how to talk or how to act,
or if people would even like me.

- You guys sure don't.
- That's not true.

Bullshit!

It's not like I feel like
I fit in with the white girls either.

What about your friends, Patty and Nonnie?

Those girls aren't my friends.

Nonnie's just here for the story,

and Patty's
my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.

And you know what else you don't know?
That pageant girl who got m*rder*d,

the one who's been all over the news...

That's my sister.

And my dad came out of the closet,
and my mom left.

And I went to rehab.
So where's that community?

Where are the people
who understand that experience?

You've been treating me
like I'm the enemy all day,

and you have no idea
what I've been through.

I don't know who I am or where I belong.

And wherever I go, I'm always alone.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

Hey! What'd we miss?

- What the hell are y'all wearing?
- Magnolia, are you okay?

- Yeah. I just...
- Dory!

- I thought Nemo was a girl.
- I'm not Nemo.

I heard you on the radio.
I met you a couple weeks ago.

Thought you were hot.

Seriously?

So I came to ask you out.

- Last time, you were with that other guy.
- What other guy?

The one with the dog.

A bulldog? The school mascot?

I don't know about mascots,
and I hate sports,

but he looked like a douchebag.
Short hair, tricked-out camera.

The HughesLife photographer!

He had that animal rights stuff.

Maybe he stole Pierre.

He posts everything on ShenaniCam.

Maybe he's dumb enough
to post where he lives, too.

Gotcha! Let's go.

Hey!

Pierre!

Oh! Come here!

Come here! We found you!

Oh, my God. It's Pierre!

We finally get our lives back!

What about Pierre's life?

Has anybody asked him
if he wants to be a mascot?

I'm calling campus security.

Pierre must have found me
in the woods.

I must have taken a hard hit
to the head because I followed a dog

and some publicly-urinating strangers
onto a game bus.

That's how I got to campus.

I'm sure I had a concussion.

- That's why I couldn't remember.
- Great! No trauma then.

- But wait. Why was I in the woods?
- Which woods?

I don't know. I feel like they were near,
like, a parking lot next to a church.

Hey, forget about the woods.

I got him!

And I finally got to use
my pocket stun g*n.

Well, great! Yay!

We could still make it back
in time for the dance.

- Let's go.
- Wait. Magnolia, what about you?

- Me?
- Yeah. Are you gonna be okay?

Sounds like you've been holding
onto that stuff for a long time.

Yeah, I think...

maybe I just didn't have
anyone to say it to.

Maybe you do now.

Maybe you don't have to be alone
if you don't want to be.

Look, there's a party next weekend.

If you come back,
we can try and find Nemo.

Maybe I wasn't isolated
because of what had happened to me

or how people saw me.

Maybe all I had to do to be connected
was to let other people in.

Thanks so much...

for everything.

No worries.

Can I meet you guys at the dance?

Oh, totally.

We were all finally gonna get
our happy ending.

I just wish I knew
how you ended up in the woods.

Forget about the woods.

There's a church
over on Maple near a wooded area.

Maybe we should drive by there,
see if something jogs my memory.

No! Not there!

Magnolia! Run!

No! I have to get back for the dance, now.

- I mean, it's already getting late.
- Whatever.

You can spare 15 minutes.

Not worried about the competition?

I am the competition.

Oh, my God. I called Christian.

I think he was gonna
give me a ride to Regionals.

Text him. Maybe he knows
something about what happened.

I still had Christian's phone.

I had to close the gap
in Magnolia's memory

before something else triggered the rest.

He says I was mad
after my fight with my dad,

so I called him to get high.
We ended up in the woods.

I slipped and I hit my head.
He wanted to take me to the ER,

but I didn't want
my dad to know I was using again,

so I told him to leave me.

And he doesn't bother to check in?

What a d*ck.

He says he's sorry for not checking in.

He's just coming up for air.
He moved to California.

Oh, right!

I heard that, too.

So there wasn't anything traumatic,

just me getting high.

Yeah. Well, that solves it. Right?
You got into a fight with your dad,

you called Christian, and then boom!
You hit your head.

Mystery solved.
And now we can go to the dance.

Fine, Patty.

Patty's crisis was averted,
and so was mine.

We made the apology video and sent it
to all the local media outlets.

Earlier today,

firefighters saved Masonville's
most beloved stray cat from a tree.

And speaking of pussies,
we now bring you an apology by lawyer,

pageant coach, and local
mayoral candidate, Bob Armstrong.

- Did he just call me...
- I know that I was wrong,

and I'm so sorry...

for any pain that I've caused.

What a crybaby.

There was more! They cut it down!

Let's see how the public reacted
to Armstrong's apology.

First rule of politics: Never apologize.

He's completely lost my respect.

And people say women are
too emotional to run for office.

I'd rather vote for the gay guy.
This guy's a real sissy.

There you have it, folks.
I know who I'll be casting my vote for.

Mr. Bob Barnard.

I couldn't believe it.

I had gone from being a d*ck to being a...

With the Magnolia issue resolved,

I could finally have
my happily ever after with Brick.

But I had to fix things
with my bestie first.

Give me a sec. I'll be right back.

Okay.

Hey! I'm really sorry about earlier.

But maybe Brick and I
and you and Dee could...

Dee's not coming.
She got stuck doing a term paper.

That sucks.

But I have something
that'll make you feel better.

Did you?

In case the apology didn't work.

May I?

You may.

Thanks for coming with me!

Good thing that the costume store
still had one couple's costume left.

Yeah. I'm guessing brother-sister dates
aren't exactly trending.

You know,

we're not really brother-sister

because...

I'm adopted and you're pretty hot.

That's... That's not how it works.
We're still blood-related.

Whatever.

Okay, I have to go pee now.

Uh, P-E-E, not the vegetable.

My baby! I missed you so much!

I am not your baby.

I cannot believe that you have been
lying to me for all these years.

No! No! No!

Only about how I got you.

That doesn't change the fact
that I love you with all of my heart.

Oh, Dixie...

Out of all the babies

that I could've stolen
at the mall that day,

I chose you.

I mean, if I had known

how that fine brother
of yours would turn out,

maybe I would've chosen him.

You could've at least told me
I was Korean.

Well, I didn't know.
Your mom was eating Panda Express.

Oh, and if I was in a Sbarro's,
would you have thought that I was Italian?

Maybe?

I'm so sorry, baby.

I've done some bad things,

and I love you more than anything.

But I can't go back to jail.

So...

I just wanted to say...

goodbye.

You've got a new family now.

Hey, who's that guy with Patty?

Does he go to our school?

He's my biological brother.

I brought him along.

Didn't have a date.

So,

why aren't you dancing?

What?

Oh, come on.
Come on. I'll dance with you. Let's go!

What's wrong?

Magnolia.

- I think she's wearing my costume.
- What do you mean?

Your costumes are totally different.

Brick, did you give Magnolia
the first dress you got me?

The one that didn't fit.

Yeah. You weren't using it.

You didn't think
that might make me feel bad?

She looks amazing.

Well, so do you!

And I feel bad for her.
I mean, she's here all alone.

I came to feel
a part of things,

but what I realized was
that the one person

I wanted to connect with most
was here with someone else.

Hey, I'm gonna go check on her.
I'll be right back.

I stopped Magnolia
from ruining my life,

but she still managed to ruin my night.

Hey!

Oh. Hey.

You okay?

I'm great.

I had an amazing day.

I'm definitely applying to Hughes,
and I made some new friends. How are you?

Ready for your big night with Patty?

Yeah, I'm good. I'm great actually.

Wow. You sound confident.

Well, yeah, I've been practicing.

Wait, I'm sorry. You what?

I watched those YouTube videos,
like you said...

- Oh, my gosh!
- ...and I spent the entire day

- making out with fruit.
- Brick, you did not.

I did, and don't laugh 'cause it helped.

- Whatever you say.
- I mean it. I'm way better.

- Sure you are. Yeah.
- And you don't believe me.

Brick, I don't care. Honestly.

I can prove it to you.

- Okay, like you would ever...
- I will prove it to you!

Oh, sh*t.