02x08 - Pretty in Prison

[bunniefuu]

This was the third time I'd k*lled.

Maybe the fourth,
depending on Stella Rose,

but I'd never done it
in front of anyone before.

My mom had seen a part of me
nobody else had, not even Bob.

Had I finally found
a safe place to be honest?

- Could I recover after all?
- What the hell are we gonna do?

I've got two kilos of cocaine in my tits.
I'll get arrested. We can't call the cops.

- Let's call Bob. He's my lawyer.
- No.

That's the last person
that should help us cover up a m*rder.

Great. Now she tells me.

You're saying we should cover this up?

I don't think we have a choice.

If word gets out about this,

we're gonna have some pissed off
drug lords looking for payback.

Shh!

Is that them?

Get the g*n. Get the g*n.

Patty, open up!
I have something for you!

- It's Henry! Will you...
- Hello?

- Just pretend we're not here.
- Patty?

I can see you in there.

sh*t. I've gotta answer it.

- Oh, sweetie, you just have a little...
- Mom...

- Mom.
- I won't...

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Third runner-up.

Better than fourth, right?

I heard that there was a parade tomorrow,
so you'll get to be on the float.

- That's cool, right?
- Yeah, totally. Thank you for the stuff.

- I'll call you later.
- Wait!

I'm going back to Minnesota tomorrow.

What?

- You're leaving?
- Well, yeah.

Dixie's gonna come
stay with us for a little bit

so we can get to know each other.

It's my last night here,
so I thought we could spend it together.

Tonight?

I can't. It's just...

My mom...

She got drunk

and puked all over the place.

I mean, there's vomit everywhere.
Chunks on the walls.

I don't care.

I want to talk about our future.

I was hoping we could try long distance.

I wouldn't have a future at all
if I didn't get rid of him fast,

even though it was the last thing
I wanted to do.

What's the point?

You're leaving. It's over.

Wait, Patty! Don't do this.

I love you.

Oh, baby, what happened?

I think I just pushed away the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I wish the biggest decision
you had to make today

was whether or notto continue
a long-distance relationship,

instead of getting rid of bodies.

All those years I wasn't here for you.

You did this...

because of me.

It's all my fault.

Was this my chance?

Could I tell her the truth?

It's not.

It's because of me.

I'm a k*ller.

Oh, my God. My sweet baby.

You're so not.

You saved my life.

You never ever, ever,
ever would hurt anybody

if you didn't absolutely have to.

- But...
- Baby,

you... are a beauty queen.
You're not a m*rder*r.

So much for being honest.

Hey, what's up with the bouquet
and the sash? Did you win?

Third runner-up.

The last thing I want to do
is be on some float.

No.

Oh, that's perfect. You gotta go.

More eyes on you, the better.

It's just...
What are we gonna do with these bodies?

Don't look at me.
I've never covered up a m*rder before.

Okay. No, I know.

Um...

Oh! We can take 'em,
we can dump 'em in Gator Bog.

Nobody goes down
to that old swamp anymore.

Okay. And we can't forget Bob's g*n.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right. So we've got a plan.
- Got a plan.

It's gonna be fun.

♪ I'm out of luck, out of love ♪

♪ Got a photograph picture of ♪

♪ Passion k*ller... ♪

I had finally realized
I was bad for Patty.

- All right. Smile for the voters.
- So I decided to focus on myself.

I moved back into my house,
I was running for mayor,

and I wasn't going to let
anything distract me.

Not Patty, not pageants.

What in the hell are you doing?

It's a photo sh**t. Now move.

Oh, poor Bob.

You still trying to get a Grindr pic
that someone will respond to?

No, this is
for my mayoral campaign poster.

My dad arranged it.

Mmm. Why don't you just let it go?

You're only running
as an F-U to me and Barnard.

No, I'm not. Not anymore.

But still...

F-U too.

Let's move to the kitchen.
There's more natural light.

Oh, you know where else
there's natural light? Outside.

So maybe you should just leave.

You leave.

You know, I can come back at another time.

Oh, no, no, no. Now's a perfect time.

Let's move to the breakfast nook.

- Seriously?
- What?

I like to enjoy my coffee over here.

Oh, when is the last time
you ever enjoyed anything...

You know what? This is stupid.

I am not going to get drawn in
to your little drama.

Let's go back to the living room.

No, no, no. Excuse me.

No.

Go!

Are you really gonna be this immature?

Me? You are the one who is being immature.

- No, you are.
- No, you.

- You. You.
- You. You.

- You.
- You!

Seems like you have stuff to work out...

You know what?

- Let's work it out.
- Let's.

- Right now.
- I'm ready. Let's do it!

What's going on?

Oh, hi. Half the house is mine,

and half the house is your mother's
from now on.

Okay. Well, then I want the good side.

You've lost your minds.
I'm going to Magnolia's.

I'm going to get out of here too.
Just call me and reschedule.

- No!
- Okay?

Look what you did.

Now I have to call my campaign manager
and see if I can get another photographer.

The parade's starting soon.

We'll make it.

Oh, you look pretty.

Thanks.

Not at all like someone who just k*lled
a bunch of drug dealers

and dumped their bodies in the swamp.

Oh, my God, Patty. What have we done?

Nope!

I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

I just want a drink.

I know. I could eat a whole cake.

We'll get through this together.

Okay.

- Oh, sh*t.
- No.

Hey, Nonnie. What's up?

What's up?
I've been calling you both all night.

Guess what I found out?

Somebody paid the guy
who tried to att*ck you at the pageant.

What?

Who?

Ugh, that assh*le winner,
Heather Kristina Jamie Lee Curtis.

Do you think she had
anything to do with Roxy?

I don't know. Maybe.

Wha... Did you tell the cops?

I can't. The way I got him to talk
wasn't quite legal.

Don't worry. I'll confront her myself.
Drive faster.

Okay.

♪ Yeah, we like to get down ♪

♪ Freak it up to this sound ♪

♪ Like I'm the best
I'm the best in this ♪

Hey, Heather!

Hey, stop! The third runner-up is here.

No, don't stop! She's late.

Drive faster! Faster!

You bitch!

I know what you did!

And I'm gonna take you down! Hard!

What are you doing? Go!

She is not going to steal my thunder.

Miss Georgia American Lady just blew up!

Okay, I know that thr*at sounded bad.

Oh, my God!

I'm Miss Georgia American...

It's a t*rror1st!

Peaches.

No, I don't want to win.
I don't want to be Miss Georgia...

No, it's the Pageant k*ller!

It was her!

She k*lled my daughter!

Patty Bladell k*lled them all!

No.

No!

Back up! Back it up!

I'm gonna call Bob.
We'll get this figured out.

What were the odds?

I got arrested
for a triple homicide I didn't do

after just committing
an actual triple homicide.

The police thought
I was the Pageant k*ller.

And why wouldn't they?

Both times girls d*ed,
I ended up with the crown.

Even I wouldn't believe me.

But I knew Bob would.

I'm so sorry about what happened at State,
but I promise,

- when you get me out of here...
- I'm sorry.

I can't represent you.

What? Why?

I'm no good for you, Patty.

I've made some bad choices
trying to protect you.

You said it yourself:
because of me you can't be honest.

And now look, you're in here.

Wait, you don't think I did this, do you?

No, I know you didn't...

which is why I know you'll be okay.

Don't worry. I got you someone else,
the best criminal attorney money can buy.

Hey, baby.

This is Shannon.
She'll be taking over from here.

She's tried m*rder cases and I haven't.

Normally, pageant girls
give me the creeps,

but, hey, as long as the check clears.

You do have that check, don't you?

Oh, no, Bob, please.
Let me do this for my daughter.

I've got some money sacked away
in a... in a couple places.

Yeah, I'm going to need my $10,000
retainer within 24 hours or I'm gone.

Is that it? No tip on top or anything?

Here's a tip: next time, don't go so big.

What's your plan?
Do you have a defense strategy?

Yeah, the plan is, I work alone, so...

anywhere but here, Bob.

Right.

Good luck. Call me if you...

We're good.

So, I'm gonna be honest...

This case is a sh*t show.

They canceled Miss American Lady
because of you,

- and since all those girls d*ed...
- Wait, I'm not going to get the crown?

Well, that's an interesting take-away.
No, psycho, you're not.

Plus, you threatened Heather-six-names
before she blew up.

And you were just late enough
to keep yourself off that float.

Why were you late? Where were you?

I was dumping three bodies in Gator Bog.

She was with me.

Doing what?

Hanging out.

Mother-daughter time.

Yeah.

Yeah. The mommy defense
isn't gonna cut it,

and without a rock-solid alibi,

we're gonna wait for your arraignment
to get you out on bail.

Bail?

I can't go to jail.

Well, you're in luck.

There's a bedbug outbreak at the jail,

and everyone's being
temporarily transferred.

You're going to prison.

I had to believe I had done
the right thing, for both of us.

Patty would get better representation,
and I could focus on my mayoral campaign.

Mr. Armstrong, as Miss Bladell's attorney,
would you care to comment on her case?

- I'm no longer her attorney.
- Because you think she's guilty?

Absolutely not.
Miss Bladell is a victim of circumstance.

You're saying it's a coincidence
that both times pageant girls d*ed,

Patty Bladell got the crown?

I'm saying that I know in my bones
that she's innocent.

Then why not take her case?

Because I'm busy running for mayor.

Except being associated
with an accused serial m*rder*r

wasn't exactly going to help me win votes.

Unless I could use my newfound notoriety
as a way to get out my message.

- You guys want a real story?
- Yeah.

Follow me.

- ♪ If they askin' ♪
- ♪ Askin'... ♪

- What the hell?
- Right, give me that.

Bob Barnard,

I'm challenging you to a debate...

this weekend.

You've got a lot of nerve coming in here.

Your client k*lled my daughter.

That's the problem with you
law and order candidates.

You always want to convict
before the trial.

I think I'm winning this debate already.

You know what?

Fine. I'll do it.

And I'm gonna wipe the floor with you.

I'm a master debater.

Why is that funny?

We're not live, are we?

I was in prison
for a crime I didn't commit,

and I still couldn't be honest

because my alibi would land me
right back in here.

So now I was trapped
with a bunch of other criminals,

without food or exercise or Bob.

How the hell was I going to cope?

Patty Bladell.

My queen.

Scram, ladies. We need this space.

What makes her so special?

Who are you?

I'm Warden Winters, and boy,
am I happy to meet you.

My lady inmates have won every
prison competition that they've entered:

hula dancing, sloppy-joe eating,
thumb wrestling.

Only one competition
that's ever eluded me:

the National Prison Coalition's
Misguided Beauty Competition.

It's the beauty pageant
for female convicts.

For 15 straight years,
I sent a lady over there to represent us,

and for 15 straight years,
we don't even place.

But now I have you.

You... You want me to compete?

No, you could be gone by then,
released out on bail.

So, you're gonna do the next best thing:

choose our winning pageant girl.

Now, here are the girls
that I think have the best sh*t.

Maybe this was my way
to get through this...

without food or exercise.

Okay. I'm in.

But you can't pick the right girl
out of a book.

We would need to have a competition.

Competition?

We're gonna have
our very own prison pageant.

I had promised Patty that I would
be there for her, and right now,

paying her legal bills
was the best I could do.

Dr. Duffy, thanks for coming.

I was surprised
you still have the same number.

I live in a cabin in the woods.

I'm not a man that likes change.

- Right.
- You know, the last time that I saw you,

we got a b*llet
out of your boyfriend's shoulder.

Gordy, I think. How's he doing?

Dead. Could we just get to the procedure?
I don't have a lot of time.

Look, you weren't real specific
on the phone.

What are we doing here today?

Lipo? Mole removal? Abortion?

Implants. You ever done those before?

No. But I'll remove anything for a price.

How are you providing payment?

I've got two kilos of cocaine in my tits.

I'll give you half a kilo.

A whole kilo,

or you can have it removed
by a more reputable physician.

After which,
you'll be arrested for being a drug mule.

All right. You've got a deal, assh*le.

Now that I had challenged
Barnard to a debate,

all I needed was a platform.

Do you like what I've done with the place?

You know what? This is great.

The less stuff in my space,

the less I'll be distracted.

♪ Oh, I like it a lot ♪

♪ Yeah, wanna see what I got? ♪

- ♪ Oh, I like it a lot ♪
- ♪ I like it ♪

♪ I like it a lot ♪

♪ Wanna see what I got? ♪

♪ Wanna see what I got? ♪

Coralee, do you have to do that right now?

You can always just move back
to the office.

Oh, sh*t.

If I was going to get anything done,
duct tape wasn't going to cut it.

I was going to need a bigger blockade.

- Right this way, gentlemen.
- Bob!

What is going on here?

I am building a wall.

On my side, I'm gonna put
my campaign headquarters.

It's a rush job,
so they'll be here all night.

How am I supposed to sleep?

Why am I supposed to care?
You could just move out.

Actually, no, I can't.
I spoke to my attorney,

and she said that if I leave,
I lose my rights to the house.

Well, I see that you are in a pickle.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I do have some paint samples to look at.

Oh, now, that's what I'm talking about.
Let's sh**t a magic video.

If I wear this, I will seriously set back
feminism 25 years.

The sexy assistant
is an age-old magic tradition. Here...

Pick a card.

- You got it?
- Mm-hmm.

Is this your card?

No.

Did you want me to pick
the seven of clubs in the first place?

Yes.

Because you have
a second seven of clubs in your deck?

- How did you know that?
- Because I'm not an idiot.

Here, give them to me.

Pick a card.

Got it?

Yeah.

Give it a little tap.

Is this your card?

Wow, you're a natural.

Maybe you should do the tricks.

Maybe.

But you know what that means.

How do I look?

Ohh!

Honestly,

it looks better on you.

Thank you for agreeing to participate

in the first annual
Miss Pretty in Prison competition.

If I pick you as the winner,

you will be excused
from a week's worth of prison chores

and you will go on to the national
Misguided Beauty Competition

in Billings, Montana, next month. Yay.

What makes you judge and jury?

Well, I just competed
in Miss Georgia American Lady.

That's why you look familiar.
I saw you on the news.

You blew up all those pageant girls.

- No, I didn't. I promise.
- Yeah, we're all innocent.

I didn't do sh*t.

Okay, here's the deal.

The pageant will consist of three parts:

gowns, which you all make,

a talent portion,
and then an interview question.

Question? What kind of question?

Are you a narc? Like Krystal?

Bitch, I ain't no narc!

No. Oh...

Knock it off, skank!
She's trying to help us.

Yeah, let's skip the question,

and everyone go get your supplies
to show me your talent,

and we'll meet back here.

The girls seemed excited.

And I didn't even really want to eat.

Was it because I had found
some sense of purpose?

Maybe this was all gonna work out.

Jesus!

Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.

I know your coach.

He gave me a makeover a few months ago.

Best day of my life.

- Thanks for sharing.
- No prob.

I just wanted to say
it was awesome to meet you,

and, uh, you better pick me,
or I will k*ll you.

Wait, what?

And, just so we're clear,
that time I totally meant to scare you.

It's simple.

I win or you die.

- Yo, bitch.
- Ah!

- How long have you been under there?
- Don't worry about that.

You just worry about making me the winner,
or else you'll wake up dead.

Oh, God. Not you too.

Not me what, dear?

I just wanted to thank you
for giving me this opportunity.

Sure. Of course.

And if you don't pick me,

I will gut you
like the tragic fish you are.

Toodles.

Eating and over-exercise
were dangerous enough.

Now this could k*ll me too.

Maybe it was time to try
a bit of honesty after all.

Every single one of you has threatened
to k*ll me if I don't pick you to win.

Seriously? Copycat b*tches.

Which means there's only
one way out of this.

- You die?
- No.

We need to have an honest pageant.

If any one of you wins because
you threatened me, it's cheating.

- You think we care? We're criminals.
- You should care.

Take it from someone who knows.

Last two pageants I won

because someone else
got disqualified or m*rder*d.

It felt like crap
knowing I didn't deserve the win.

So here's my pitch:
I'll coach all of you, for real,

and whoever is the best,

that'll be the honest win.

What, are we all in high school?
What's next? Trust falls?

I tuned out after "honest pageant."

I'm gonna k*ll you just for suggesting it.

Wait!

Maybe Patty's right.

Maybe none of us can ever really be honest

about who we are or what we've done,

but right here, right now,
we can have an honest win.

Plus, you all know
you weren't really gonna k*ll her.

I'm a hacker, Tanya's a money launderer,

Krystal's a prost*tute,
and Summer's also a prost*tute.

None of us are murderers.

Except me.

Except her.

Wait.

Was this a place I could tell the truth?

That's right. I am.

So you better not mess with me.

Who's in?

Now that my campaign headquarters
was handled,

I could focus on my platform.

Maybe choosing an outfit for the debate
would inspire me.

What the hell?

My talent is lock-picking.

♪ Rise up to the level that my name on ♪

♪ 'Cause I am in the zone ♪

♪ They be trying to get ahold of my halo ♪

♪ But they never catch up
'cause they too slow ♪

♪ That's cool
I'mma do me, though ♪

♪ 'Cause you already know
I'mma do me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'mma do me... ♪

Yeah, that's so pretty.
Is that an accent color?

Yeah.

Shelby,

you might want to go
with a more festive color.

But doody-brown is my spirit color.

I don't even know what that means,
but I support you.

♪ We all gotta face mo' hatin' ♪

♪ Just love and live
what we're sayin'... ♪

Uh...

Why are you walking like...

What's going on with your butt? Relax.

♪ 'Cause I'mma do me ♪

Patty Bladell, you have a visitor.

Thank God.

Great news.

- You're getting me out of here?
- No,

but way to make my great news
sound just sorta good.

The police found security footage
of a suspect planting the b*mb.

Then they can see it's not me?

- That is great news.
- Wait for it, Tinkerbell.

The footage is so grainy,
they can't see who it is.

Man, woman, non-binary,
gender-fluid... Who knows?

But there is a timestamp,

which means you need an alibi
for 10:00 p.m.

Someone who didn't squeeze you
out of their uterus. Thoughts?

My boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend.

He came by the house
right around 10:00 p.m.

I can call him. Can I borrow your phone?

You can remember people's numbers?

I can't even remember the name
of the guy I screwed last night.

This is Henry.

Hey, it's Patty.

The caller has blocked this number.

I take it things didn't end well?

No.

All right. Look, I'll go talk to him.
What's his address?

Uh, yeah, that's the problem.

He moved back to Minnesota
with his family.

I've no idea where.

And Henry Lee is kind of a common name.

Any other info that might help?

He's pre-law, pre-med,

and a stripper.

Wow. You really screwed the pooch
on this one, huh?

He has a sister, Dixie.
She owns the Wiener Taco.

Dixie Sinclair? I know her.

All right. Don't worry.

I will get this done.

Angie!

Angie!

Angie! Hi.

What the hell happened?

Oh, Nonnie.

A funny story...

Oh, no. Did you relapse?

No. No!

I'm just coming off the AnaConDa...

ana... stevia.

I got my implants removed.

You're doing this
while your daughter's in prison?

I'm trying to get her out.

My boobs were full of cock.

Cocaine. Look.

Oh... Why did you call me here, Angie?

As a future law enforcement officer,
I can't know this.

Oh, honey. No, it's fine.
I need your help.

Your dad, he has connections

to drug dealers,

and they can smell it, sell it,
and then I can pay her lawyer.

Coralee messed with
my most prized possession,

so I was gonna destroy hers.

Bob! Bob!

What have you done?

Maybe you shouldn't have stolen
all of my suits.

I took 'em to the dry cleaners, you sh*t.

I didn't tear them to pieces.

Oh, my God. Why would you do this to me?
This is my future.

What is wrong with you?

I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know.

No.

Save your apology.

This is w*r.

I still don't get
why we had to make that video.

I'll just get my message out
at the debate tomorrow.

It's important to give people an idea
of what you stand for ahead of time,

so they don't think you're just reacting
to your opponent.

- Yeah.
- I'm posting it on ShenaniCam right now.

What, just the raw footage?
Shouldn't we get it professionally edited?

With what funding? It's good.

- Yeah.
- It's gritty,

- relatable.
- Yeah.

And you look hot in it.

- Do I?
- Yeah.

Yes, please.

I'm sorry.

- Sorry.
- Ignore it.

Yeah.

Oh, look, I'm sorry. I gotta...
I gotta go to Coralee's.

She says it's an emergency.

Seriously? I mean, she calls
and you just drop everything?

She's my best friend.

You sure it's not more than that?

Don't be jealous.

I'll be back before you know it.

I won't let you get away, Bob.

Either one of you.

Ladies! Ladies!

Good evening, ladies and guards.

Welcome to the first ever
Waters Correctional Facility's

Pretty in Prison Beauty Pageant.

And now welcome to the stage the beguiling
and beautiful Miss Krystal.

♪ Remember that gooey gooey you took
And said, "Ooh wee, ooh wee" ♪

♪ I need two or two-eee of these
for my baby boo-ee ooo-ee ♪

♪ Talking like boobies
You got a nice pair like some... ♪

♪ And you high off that doobie doobie
with your Mystery Machine ♪

Miss Tanya.

♪ Hanging with them creepy creepies... ♪

♪ Lookin' holy holy
while looking through them holy holies ♪

♪ Batches and cookies
I got my batches and cookies ♪

For a moment, we all got to escape.

I got to be honest.

They got to feel pretty in prison.

Miss Cindy.

Miss Navi.

Maybe I could find freedom
behind bars after all.

Miss Summer.

And last but not least,
the audacious and enchanting Miss Shelby.

Miss Shelby?

- Night, Marty.
- See ya.

She's gone. Sound the alarm!

So much for the truth setting me free.
Shelby lied.

You help Shelby escape!

All that "let's have
an honest pageant win" was crap!

No, no, it wasn't. I... I promise.

If we all k*ll you together,
they can't throw any of us in the hole.

What's the hole?

Where you're going.

- I should have never trusted you.
- Lock her up.

I didn't do... I didn't know she was...

Lock her up!

This was harder than I thought.

Why couldn't I just
come up with a platform?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Barnard.

Nice wall.

We're gonna go upstairs
and prep for his debate.

Maybe I needed a snack.

Let's see. My platform.

What did I want from Masonville?

Designer outlets? Haberdashery? Bathhouse?

Coralee!

Oh, Bob!

Take off my bra!

I am! I'm gonna take it off!

Bob! Oh, yes!

Somebody's being a bad girl!

It's me. Get it, Bob. Get it.

Here you go. See, isn't this fun?

I can't believe I'm doing this.
I should be focusing on the debate.

Doing this is helping you too, okay?
We're messing with his head.

- Oh, Coralee!
- Back door, no babies!

That feels so good!

- Whoo!
- Coralee!

Coralee, I love you! I love you!

I love you and your penis.

Oh, I love it when you touch me there
in that spot.

- sh*t. Coralee?
- What the f*ck?

Are you all right?
Oh, no. You're bleeding.

- I am?
- Yeah.

- I faint at the sight of blood.
- You do?

What in the hell is going on?!

Wait. You guys were faking?

No, Bob, leave!

Because Barnard's gonna faint,
and Bob faints at the sight of fainting.

No, that was just that one time...

Ugh, men are useless.

I had been in here for hours,
but it felt like a month.

All I wanted to do was eat.

At least here in solitary
I was safe from those girls.

You're not safe from me.

What the hell?

You'll never be safe.

Not until you can be honest with yourself.

What are you talking about?

Of course, I'm honest with myself.
I know everything I've done.

But do you know why?

I k*lled Christian to protect Magnolia.

I threw those bodies in Gator Bog
to protect my mom.

If you still think that,

you're not being honest
with yourself at all.

What do you mean?

Today's your lucky day.

Your alibi came through,
and we're dropping the Shelby thing.

Your lawyer's scary as f*ck.

So good luck at Miss American Lady.

It's back on?

Oh, right. You haven't seen the news.

I guess people want to see
if another girl gets k*lled.

Let's process you and get you out.

I was finally getting out.

So why didn't I feel free?

Was Bloody Patty right?

Was there something
I was hiding from myself?

You're a good friend, Nonnie.

To Patty and to me.

I'm just... I'm sorry
you had to compromise your morals.

Oh, I didn't. The second we made the drop,
I called in an anonymous tip.

Oh, sh*t. Girl, you really are a cop.

Patty's getting out!
Patty's getting out!

Oh, my God!

And after... Oh, after I pay her lawyer,
I'm gonna have 90 grand left.

I could buy a plane.
I could buy a Ferris wheel.

I could buy a f*cking otter farm.

Or, now that Patty's off the hook,

maybe we could all go
to Miss American Lady.

I mean, after the week we've had,
we deserve it, right?

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

Nonnie was right.

I had finally done right by my daughter.
We did deserve a reward.

Thank you!

Some people talk about draining the swamp.

Well, talk's cheap.

I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is
and drain an actual swamp...

Gator Bog.

And on that land,
I'm gonna build a new jail

'cause the old one has bedbugs.

- Bob Barnard for mayor. I got this.
- No, no, no.

No need for stitches. No nausea,
so no risk of concussion.

And most importantly, the baby is fine.

Did you not know?

No, but you know what?

I've always been irregular,
so maybe, you know, I'm just...

According to my calculations,
you're about eight or nine weeks.

Should we call the father?

I got your text.

Are you okay?

What did the doctor say?

I'll give you some privacy.

So?

I'm fine. I'm good.

Oh, thank God.

- You want me to give you a ride home?
- I'll give her a ride. I live there.

No. You know what?

I'm not going home with either of you.
I'm fine. I'm staying here.

The doctor wants me to stay
just to keep an eye on me.

You guys go. I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Patty is out of jail. Totally innocent.
I think you owe me an apology.

Me?

You're the one who just tore up
all Coralee's Tampoozles.

Why the hell did you do that?

Why the hell would you pretend to have sex
with Coralee? Just to get back at me?

Don't you have better things
to worry about?

Oh, like preparing for the debate tomorrow
that you challenged me to?

I had been trying to prepare, hadn't I?

You still running just to get back at me?
You even care what the issues are?

Of course I cared.
So why'd I let myself get so distracted?

- I care.
- Yeah, sure.

From what I see,
all you care about is building a wall,

tearing up Tampoozles,
and being an assh*le to your ex-wife.

Which one of those is your platform?

You even want to win?

'Course I do.

Except I had never won anything
in my life,

and the idea of it
scared the sh*t out of me.

Was I getting in my own way?

Self-sabotaging
because I was afraid to win?

Bob...

you should just drop out.

I think it'd be best for everyone.

But maybe I wasn't the only one
who was scared I might win.

You're afraid you might lose.

- I am not.
- Of course you are.

If you weren't,
you wouldn't be trying to make me quit.

That is not true. I've never lost
anything in my entire life.

I'll see you at the debate, Bob.

Master debater.

That's not funny!

Knock, knock.

Oh, Detective Cruz. Hi.

I thought you were the discharge nurse.

The hospital actually contacted me
to talk to you before you leave.

Really? Why?

Standard procedure.

When a woman has an accident in the home

that looks like it could be
domestic v*olence,

I need to make sure everything's okay.

Well, that's good to hear.

I mean, not for me, but for other people.

I can assure you
that this was just a dumb accident.

Are you pregnant?

Well, that's exciting news.

Congratulations. How far along?

Uh, eight or nine weeks.

Mmm.

Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone?

I mean, I haven't said anything
to anyone yet, so...

Oh, your secret's safe with me.

Tell you what,
what if I give you a ride home?

Again, sorry to have to put you
back there.

I have all this equipment up here.

Oh, no, it's fine, Detective.

Yeah, it's been a while since I've been
in the back of a police car.

I had a wild youth.

Good for you.

Oh, Detective, you just passed my street.

Hello? I live back there.

This will go a lot easier
if you stay calm.

What will?

What's happening?

Detective?

Detective!

Stop the car.

Help!

Let me out! No!

No!

Stop the car!

Help! Help!