01x05 - Luke Ducharme

[bunniefuu]

For far too long, Darby had ignored
the details of her past

not appreciating they might be puzzle
pieces in her quest for connection.

But now suddenly

she found herself feeling the impulse
to look inward.

- Darby ?
- Yeah.

- Come on in.
- Yeah.

Real-life therapy couch !

I'm not actually supposed
to lay down, right ?

Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

So do I just start talking or...

Why don't you talk about
what brought you in here ?

On the phone you mentioned you're
having trouble with a relationship.

Yeah. Well...
Yeah, broadly speaking.

But I think it's just me.
I'm really not

good at expressing myself
and that's hurting my relationships

so I would love to just
fix that, you know.

Could you maybe
give me an example ?

Yeah, so...

Recently he wanted to buy
this 2,000 dollar couch

and we just don't need it.
And...

I started out saying

I didn't think we should spend
that much money on a couch.

And we couldn't even afford it.

And he was so disappointed by that,

so I ended up saying...

We should get the matching ottoman.

So you're like a real pleaser.

But now I'm angry.
So...

Sounds to me like
he didn't respect your desires.

He kind of steamrolled you.

But what would happen if you said,
"Hey, look,

that really made me angry that you
steamrolled me

into buying that 2,000 dollar couch.

He would be mad

and...

we would get in a fight and...

He would break up with me.

So you're really afraid of rejection.

- Isn't everyone ?
- Of course.

Because it's painful.

And it's shame-inducing.

But it's really not about you,
Darby.

- Rejection is not personal.
- It's obviously personal.

Rejection couldn't be more personal.

I can see
this is a really sensitive area.

Let's dig a little deeper.

I want you to tell me about the first
time you experienced a major rejection.

I want you to describe to me
what that felt like.

Close your eyes

and just describe away.

Do I have to close my eyes ?

Yeah.

Okay. So...

I guess it was...

Luke.

Five
Luke Ducharme

58
Ten years before Magnus

I was 15
and I was getting shuttled

back and forth between my parents.

And I didn't belong anywhere.

So I did this crazy thing.
I applied to boarding school.

At first I just wanted to see
if my parents would stop me.

Maybe I was too integral a part of
the family for them to let me go.

But no, they were totally cool with
their child moving across the country.

So I went

and honestly I thought
it would look like Hogwarts.

But no, the pictures in the website
were misleading.

- This honestly sucks.
- I didn't know you wanted to come.

No, I don't wanna go on
a Disney cruise.

Why would I want to go on a Disney
cruise with you guys ?

Walt Disney was a n*zi !
Mom, I just wanna be home.

Then maybe you should have
stayed here in the first place

instead of running away
to boarding school.

Fine, then I'll just have Thanksgiving
by myself.

What about your father's ?
I'm sure they'd love to have you, too.

No, Nancy's mom lives there now,
so I have to be on an Aerobed again.

Wow, Larry's really caving
over there.

- Is that even comfortable ?
- It's not supposed to be.

Oh, is that Grace ? Can you go home
with her for Thanksgiving ?

No, she's going to her boyfriend's.

But I'll be fine.
There's a Hardee's in town.

Don't be dramatic, sweetheart.
I will call you from the ship.

Hey, do you think I could go to Colby's
with you ? Or would that be weird ?

Only if you wanna watch us f*ck.

Thanksgiving Break

Hey, Ashley.
Hey, Caleb.

I didn't know you were
staying in town for the break.

Either that or go to our f*cking
dumb ass stupid grandma's house.

- I'm Sophie.
- Hey ! I'm Darby.

So, anyway.

Yeah, I've pretty much spent the whole
break so far playing San Andreas.

I heard the t*nk is tight ! Have you
gotten to the level of the t*nk ?

- No, but I got the cheat code for it.
- Tight !

Yo !
Sorry.

- What up, pimps ?
- What's up.

- Aren't you cold ?
- No. Why ? We're inside.

Well,
you're dressed like the Big Lebowski.

- I guess I just run warm.
- Yeah.

- What's up ? I'm Luke.
- I sit next to you in Chem.

Oh, sh*t ! Yes ! No, okay.
I know you, I'm sorry.

You want some water ?

It's not water.
It's Popov.

But keep it low key.

How's "Cats" going ?

Sounded pretty good over there,
freaking musical guy.

I'm playing Rum Tum Tugger.

Yo.

Hi.

What's up ?

- I hate Thanksgiving.
- Yeah, same.

It's ridiculous 'cause The O.C.
isn't even on tonight.

Which makes no sense to me.
I feel like

if there were a night for The O.C.
to be on, it would be tonight.

I know !
That's what I was thinking.

I went to the AV room
to try to watch it and...

- I'm actually from California.
- No way ! Sick !

It reminds me of home.

Cool.

- Wait, did you inhale it ?
- Yeah.

- I think I did.
- Are you sure ?

I don't know.

There you go, nice one.

- Why didn't you go home ?
- Civil disobedience.

What do you mean ?

My parents are f*ckin' repubs and
my dad's a drunk and a hypocrite.

- Where are you from again ?
- Corpus Christi, Texas.

- That's wild.
- Yeah.

What are you, like,
an oil baron ?

No, no, my dad's a lobbyist.

Yeah, he knows the dude
that Cheney sh*t in the face.

Yeah, I know,
he's boys with my grandpa.

Yeah, my dad's a recovering alcoholic.

- Is that why you stayed here ?
- No, I mean... Kinda.

I don't know.

No, my parents are just in Jackson Hole
and I didn't feel like going this year.

It was my first real kiss.

In the moment, it was magic.

I mean, now I realize,

he was using his tongue like
a prison shank.

- You don't use your door ?
- No.

Even the Domino's guy knows
to use the window at Casa Ducharme.

- Come here.
- Thanks.

So funny !

Al right, ready?

That one's cute.

- We got this.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- What kind of music do you like ?
- Mellow sh*t.

Like this.

Know this one?

- You like John Mayer ?
- I love John Mayer. John Mayer shreds.

Hey, I lied before.

About what ?

My family isn't in Jackson Hole,
I...

I really don't know why I said that.

Okay...
It's all good.

You're amazing.

You're amazing.

So clearly you really liked this guy.

But the question is,
Darby,

what did you do with those feelings ?

Nothing, really...
I mean, it was high school.

So... We barely knew each other
and...

Just wasn't that big a deal.

Darby.

Therapy really only works
if you're willing to open up to me.

I'm here, aren't I ?

Yes, and that's the first step.

I'm sorry, it's just...

You're basically a stranger.

Maybe that makes it easier.

Okay.

Hey.
How was Colby's ?

His cousin walked in on us,
but otherwise it was fine.

Okay, you won't believe what happened
over break.

- I hooked up with Luke.
- Luke Ducharme ?

Yeah.

It was kinda magical.

I didn't know you had it in you.

Yeah... The first night we met up
at the dining hall and...

It just kinda happened,
you know.

- What do you mean, you hooked up ?
- We just kissed.

But we spent literally
the whole time together.

It was like we were in love.

So, what's your guys' deal now?
Are you, like, dating or something ?

No, I mean...

I'm not really sure,
I mean, not officially anyway.

We haven't had the talk yet.

I have Pre-Calc with him.
He's a total player.

Yeah...
We're just keeping it casual.

It's no big deal, really.

Hey !

- Nice game !
- Thanks.

What's up ?

Not much.

- Okay.
- Well, hey.

I was thinking about staging a walk-out
against the Iraq w*r.

- Do you feel like joining ?
- Oh.

Maybe, yeah. Maybe.

Or we can just smoke weed
and watch the new "O.C."

I can't. I'm really screwed in Chem
'cause

I f*cked off, like, all break.

Yeah. I remember.

- It was worth it though, right ?
- Yeah, for sure.

- I need to go back to the game.
- Yeah. Go ahead.

Bye !

Honestly things only got worse
from there.

I would see him around campus,

but it was just like nothing had ever
happened between us.

Just classic kid sh*t.

And I did the opposite
of what I should have done.

I literally auditioned for "Cats"
just to be close to him.

Oh, my God, Luke,
that was amazing !

I seriously had tears in my eyes
when you were singing.

Thank you.

Look.

I think we need to talk.

You have just been acting really weird.

No, I haven't been ignoring you,
I promise.

Seriously, things have been
so crazy with classes...

and then, you know, I got this,
and I just...

You like that, Rum Tum ?

- Hey, dad.
- Hey !

How's it going over there,
east-coaster ?

It's fine, I'm just studying.
What's up ?

We missed you at Thanksgiving,
kiddo.

Yeah... I missed you, too.

Hey, so... Some news, actually.

Nancy's pregnant again.

Darby ?

Darby, are you there ?
Hello ?

Look, I don't know what to say.
I'm sorry.

No, it's great. Congratulations.

Oh, hey.

- What are those, gummy bears ?
- Worms.

What ?

They're gummy worms.

Nice.

I'm sorry !

It just happened.
He rolled us a joint and then...

It didn't mean anything ! I promise.
Colby and I just broke up.

And I figured since you and Luke
were just hanging out...

Don't cry.
You're gonna find someone else.

Stop, I don't even care about this,
okay ?

I have way bigger sh*t going on !

- So you're not mad ?
- No, no !

I just found out
that I have cancer !

f*ck !

Wow, okay.
Let's unpack that.

- Why do you think you did it ?
- God, I know... I don't know.

Just...

Like being a dumb high schooler,
I guess.

I know, but the thing is, Darby,
a lotta kids get broken up with,

but they don't go around
telling people they have cancer.

I heard the news.
I am so sorry !

Yeah, I have to get a couple more
tests done, but it's not looking good.

If you need any help, my uncle
is an oncologist at Sloan Kettering.

Thanks.

Hey. Thank you.

How you doin'?
You okay?

Get well soon.

His name is Courage.
Not that you need it...

You are obviously already brave.

Oh my God !
That's so sweet !

I don't know why I told the lie
in the first place.

But once I did,
I just got scared that

all this love and everybody fawning
over me...

would just go away
if I came clean.

GET WELL SOON

Darby, I'm so sorry to hear.

Any accommodation this school
can make now or during finals,

please let me know.

My office doors are always open.

survivable cancers

Hey.

Do you have a minute ?

So did you hear they hung S*ddam ?

Why didn't you tell me
you had cancer over break ?

Look, I just, I didn't...

I didn't wanna worry you.

You have so much going on
with the play.

Don't...
Don't worry about me.

I love you.

What ?

- You actually love me ?
- Yes.

- What about the whole Grace thing ?
- That... Listen, Grace was a mistake.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

It's okay.

MOM

I know what you did.

After that,
I withdrew from school.

So...

Yeah. f*cking embarrassing.

It sounds more than
f*cking embarrassing.

Sounds f*cking traumatizing.

Yeah. It was a pretty stupid thing
to do.

How did your parents react ?

Well, they...

They came to get me.

They came together,
actually,

which was amazing.

Because they'd been divorced
for over a decade at that point.

Let's go !

At least you still have your hair.

Seriously, Larry, does this seem like
a good time for a joke ?

Wocka-wocka !

I'm wondering how this is gonna look
on your transcript.

Claud, we need to be sensitive.

Clearly this is about something else
we have to deal with.

How are we gonna get all those things
we bought at the container store ?

Mom,
can we please just not do this here ?

Can we please go ?
I can't be here right now. Please.

There's a lot of stuff we bought.

You know, Darby,

sometimes we think we're chasing one
thing, we're actually chasing another.

Oh, God.
Time's up.

- Right. How much did you say it was ?
- It's $175.

I have this new little thing here.
I'll see you next Tuesday, right ?

- I'll let you know, yeah.
- I don't know how in the hell.

- It's this side and...
- Down, down, down.

Oh, my God, look at that.
There you go.

You know, Darby.

Between now and next week,
I want you to reflect on

what it is that makes you feel like

you don't deserve to be loved.

I didn't say that.

So why did you do it, sweetheart ?

Clearly this is about something else.

It's nothing, it was just a funny joke,
really.

It was stupid,
but it was just a stupid joke.

Darby,
you know we love you very much.

But that's unacceptable.

- Claudia, that's not gonna help.
- Please don't undermine me.

Is it her fault ?
Is it my fault ?

I'm just so sad !

But I'm glad we're going home,
'cause I just...

I just wanna be at home with you guys,
even if you don't want me there.

Of course we want you there !
We love you !

You haven't been here that long.
I bet no one will even remember you.

Darby did not return to therapy
after that,

for she sensed digging deeper would
require her to upend her entire life.

Which was built on
the carefully constructed fantasy

that getting married was
some sort of proof, once and for all,

that she was lovable.

Babes, what are you doing ?

- Let's go.
- Okay.