01x09 - Augie Again

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Love Life". Aired: May 27, 2020 – November 11, 2021.*
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Series follows a different person each season from their first romance until their last romance and "how the people we're with along the way make us into who we are when we finally end up with someone forever."
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01x09 - Augie Again

Post by bunniefuu »

FEMALE NARRATOR: Once the average adult

has gone through their first stream

of failed relationships,

it is only natural for them
to start looking backwards,


to wonder who could've
been the right person


had timing only been on their side.

Perhaps if you had only done
that one thing differently


or not picked that fight,

you would've saved yourself
from an abyss of bad dates.


Many are merely left guessing,

the fantasy of reconnection
never coming to fruition,


but never dying, either.

While others get that second chance

and are able to see for certain

whether timing really was the
impediment in the first place.


But none of this was so for Darby,

who by this point had managed

to block such fantasies
out of her head entirely.


Instead, she had accidentally
distracted herself


with the simple act of living her life.

I'm gonna place some
more of these pieces.

What? No, actually, you're not.

It's Thanksgiving.
You gotta get out of here.

I'm just gonna get a jump start on it.

Come on, Darbs, if you don't have plans,

- come to our place.
- I have plans.

I'm supposed to do, like,
a Friendsgiving thing in Jersey.

Okay, well, that's perfect.

You know,
the whole point of Thanksgiving

is to have a great
time with your friends

or a f*cking awful
time with your family.

- Very true.
- Yeah.

_

Ah.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hi.

- Jim.
- Darby, oh, my God.

I'm so glad you actually came.

Of course. Happy, um,

wait, no, what did you call
it in the email, Jims-giving?

Thanks-Jiming.

Feels like it should be Jims-giving.

Yeah, well, maybe.

But it is Thanks-Jiming,

so let's all just stick to that, right?

Uh, Darby, Laurel. Laurel, Darby.

So glad to finally meet you.
I've heard so much about you.

Oh, you too.

Did you get a seasonal
autumnal cocktail?

Wow, thank you.

- Um, I brought these.
- Oh, perfect.

- Fantastic. Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

I'm gonna go check on the turkey.

No, you don't have to.

T-the meat thermometer is very precise.

Like, I researched all the best ones

before pulling the trigger.

- It has Bluetooth.
- [LAUGHS]

You're so cute, baby,
but I'm gonna check it anyway.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- She seems nice.
- Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think it's serious.

Oh, okay.

I don't know, maybe it's serious.

- I'm not sure.
- All good, all good.

It's weird, right?

Like having Thanksgiving
without all of our people?

Yeah. Yeah.

Have you, um...
have you heard from her at all?

Uh, not directly, but,

I mean, I heard she's in rehab.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Wow. Good, good.
- Yeah.

I know, I really want
to call her, but, um,

I don't know if I'm ready and, you know,

I want to make sure she's settled,

in a better place,
and all that, you know?

Right. That's smart.

Jim, I can't figure out the thermometer.

It won't stop beeping.

I think Jim said you have
to use the app or something.

[SPEECH FADES AWAY]

Well, I'm gonna go help and
you please help yourself

to any of these
adult-ass hors d'oeuvres.

[CHUCKLES] Will do.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well. [CHUCKLES]

I, uh, I didn't know you were coming.

I didn't know you were coming.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah, Jim invited me.

- Oh, same.
- Yeah.

That is very obvious. [CHUCKLES]

So what did you bring
to this glorious feast?

Um, uh, that one.

- These yams?
- Yep.

Interesting, 'cause I'm pretty
sure I made those.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God. We made the same dish.

- That is crazy.
- Yeah, it is.

Identical. No, I, um...

The shitty store-bought ones are mine.
[CHUCKLES]

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- Oof.
- Don't yam-shame me.

No, I'm...

I'm already in a very vulnerable place.

- They look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- [BELL RINGS]
- Everyone, everyone.

Um, please gather at the table.

- The f*ck is up with the bell?
- [CHUCKLES]

- Like a Pavlovian experiment.
- [LAUGHS]

Um, we're gonna sit down here.

I just got back from
teaching English in Korea.

I was saving up some money,
you know, seeing some family.

- That's amazing.
- Yeah.

Yeah, what about you?

Um, well, I...

I finally conned my way into
a pretty f*cking cool job.

- Nice.
- Um, I got married

and I got divorced.

Holy sh*t. But...

- [GLASS CLINKING]
- [CHUCKLES]

Oh, my God,
we've moved on from the bell.

It's now glassware.

I thought it could be cool
if we all just went around

and said something we're
grateful for this year.

- Who wants to start us off?
- Oh, I-I'll go.

Um,

honestly, I'm just really grateful

to be at this table right now.

Uh... [INHALES DEEPLY]

we are living in some
really f*cked-up times

and I'm trying to focus
more on moments and spaces

where I see and feel love and generosity

- passing between people.
- Mm-hmm.

Because, uh, maybe I'm idealistic,

but I-I really do believe that
if we can open ourselves up

just a little more to empathy and hope,

the world will change.

So thank you everyone

for bringing that spirit into this home,

and thank you, Laurel and Jim,

for hosting an absolutely
gorgeous Thanksgiv...

- Thanks-Jiming.
- Eh?

- [LAUGHTER]
- Cheers.

- Thanks-Jiming.
- [GLASSES CLINKING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Um, all right.

It's gonna be tough to follow that.

But, uh, I guess I'll give it a try.

[WHISPERING] That was
really embarrassing for you.

[WHISPERING] Thank you.

I rehearsed it for hours last night.

[NORMALLY] Like,
I'm an American citizen, right?

And if... If I don't give a f*ck about

protecting our human
rights and our democracy,

then how the f*ck can I expect
anybody else to, you know?

Totally, yeah.

You should run for office or something.

You're like Obama. It's awesome.

- Yeah, I thought about it.
- Oh, yeah?

Want some more of
this Thanksgiving doob?

Then I'd have to stop smoking weed, so.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

I think there's a last hit here,

- if you want it.
- Yeah.

If I had to sum up what I've
learned in the last decade?

It's that I don't know anything.

Yeah, no.

I mean, but, you, like,
know some things, obviously.

[MOUTH FULL] Yeah, sure, but

even knowledge is subject

to the context of a certain moment.

You know what I realized is, like,

I should stop worrying about, like,

people thinking about
stupid sh*t that I say

'cause they're all so worried about

thinking about the stupid
sh*t that they say.

I am paraphrasing...

- Mm.
- But...

I haven't been this high
since I had a panic att*ck

in the Times Square Olive Garden.

Oh, sh*t.

You don't seem that high, though.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, no, I always eat
pie straight out of the tin,

- so we're good.
- [CHUCKLING]

[WHISPERS] We're good.

[HARRIET'S "BURBANK"]

Okay.

I am so sorry,
but I need to unbuckle my pants...

Or unbuckle my belt
and unbutton my pants.

And it is not a move.

No, I'm jealous that you
have pants to unbutton.

[CHUCKLES]

- [EXHALES]
- Oh, my gosh.

You're more beautiful than I remember.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Can I tell you something crazy?

Yeah.

Sometimes

I wonder what would've happened
if I hadn't had to leave.

Yeah.

I mean, you would've
saved us several years

of potential exposure to herpes.

Oh, you didn't have it back then?

[LAUGHTER]

- What the f*ck was I thinking?
- I don't know.

Is that okay?

[SOFTLY] Yeah.

♪ And you were with me ♪

♪ ♪

Do you want to stay over?

- I do.
- Okay.

♪ We were in love ♪

♪ The cigarette ♪

[GROANS]

- What, what?
- Ugh.

What happened?

- I'm so full.
- [LAUGHS]

As in, like, too full?

Maybe.

sh*t.

That's okay. I am, too.

- Ugh.
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]

- This is tragic.
- Mm.

We're finally reunited and
we're too full to f*ck.

Yeah. It's a classic TFTF situation
we got on our hands, you know?

[LAUGHS]

Oh, come on. We're better than this.

Yeah, no, you're right. Let's do it.

We can do anything.

Second wind, here we go. Okay.

Mm.

Turkey, weed,

- couple orgasms.
- [CHUCKLES]

I think I might sleep for three days.

Cool.

- I'll see you Sunday.
- [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I'll see you Sunday.

♪ We were in love ♪

You're never gonna guess
who just left my apartment.


Augie.

Well, that's a nice holiday surprise.

Yeah, I know.

It was like literally
no time had passed.


Oh, that's not always a good thing,
you know?

What does that mean?

I'm just saying if the milk is sour,

you don't put it back in the fridge.

You just throw it out.

Nothing was ever sour.

Okay, I stand corrected.

So tell me everything.

NARRATOR:
Darby and Augie wasted no time


getting back together.

Augie felt like an old pair of jeans,

a welcome reminder of some
other version of herself.


Hang on.

Hey, merry Christmas, man.

Ah, merry Christmas to you, young man.

I respect what you're doing.
How'd you get into this?

♪ Loving is easy ♪

♪ You had me f*cked up ♪

♪ It used to be so hard to see ♪

♪ Yeah, loving is easy when
everything's perfect ♪


♪ Please don't change a single,
little thing for me ♪


♪ Listen, girl ♪

Figure skating's one of those

bucket list things of mine, you know?

- [CHUCKLES] What?
- Yeah.

Isn't that one of those things

you're supposed to start when
you're, like, two?

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Well, I bet I'd be amazing.

Well, let's get down there.
No time to waste.

I didn't warm up today,
so I might pull something, you know?

♪ On time, on time ♪

He should be pulling up here.

♪ You had me f*cked up ♪

- Ah, crap.
- Oh.

Uh, never mind. Sorry. Tree.

It's like degrees out here.

- Hey, for Augie, right?
- Great, thank you.

Oh, come on, dude!

Hey. For Darby, right?

- Yup.
- Great.

Yeah.

Hi.

- Wait. Dude!
- Dude. [GROANS]

Grab that end. It's only ten blocks.

- It's freezing.
- It's only ten blocks.

- I believe in you.
- Oh, God.

Hyup, hyup!

I love this! [LAUGHS]

This is a good assembly
line we've set up.

Do you have any memories of doing this?

- Put it in your beard.
- Thank you.

♪ Till love came in ♪

- We should do it.
- We should get a puzzle!

Yes!

Three, two, one,

New York City Transit.

- What?
- [LAUGHS]

I had so many questions immediately.

[CHUCKLES] It's like fiber.

I think the glitter is like Metamucil.

Oh, you did it.

- [SINGS HIGH NOTE]
- I'm surprised.

Aww.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Hey, come here.

[MUSIC FADES OUT]

Oh, good, you're here.

Lola wants us to come and
help her set up early.

Babe, babe, babe.

Look what I found on the
subway on the way here.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

Aww.

- Is it okay?
- I think so.

Some assh*le left him
on the subway to die

and it was just about to
get kicked on the tracks

in front of the R train.

Oh, no. Jesus.

- But Daddy's here.
- Hi.

Wolfgang, this is Mommy.

You named him? Like,
we're gonna keep it?

Well, I can't really have
pets in my apartment

so I was kind of hoping
he could stay here?

I can't have pets in my apartment.
No, I can't.

Well, your landlord's never here, right?

That's true. I'm not sure that's
a very persuasive argument.

Well, I couldn't just leave
him on the subway,

and I can't bear to take
him to the humane society.

I just have to see if I have
any friends in the market

for a stupidly adorable animal

who gives out free kisses all the time.

Okay, uh, we'll figure it out.

Just... there's some old
blankets under the sink.

You can make him a
little bed or something,

- but please hurry 'cause we need to go.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Thank you, thank you.
- We're late.

Wolfgang, I'll show you the digs, man.

[DARCI'S "LIFE"]

This artist makes
everything out of waste

he finds in the ocean.

He makes his own plastic-free adhesive

to bond the materials together.

Well, isn't this just gonna end up
back in the water table anyway?

- What do you mean?
- Like sure, he's picked up some trash,

but eventually it'll
just be trash again.

- Well, it's fine art.
- No, for sure.

- So the point is to sell it.
- Right.

Yeah, and we're not gonna throw
it in the Atlantic next week.

Yeah, right,

it's just salvaging some old
newspapers and nylon rope

seems like it's trying
to sell us on the idea

- that climate change is our fault.
- Mm-hmm.

When in actuality, just companies

are responsible for more than
% of global carbon emissions.

- Right. So it's a complicated issue...
- Well, I just don't think

we should fool ourselves into
thinking that this one guy

who made this sculpture out of garbage

is solving the actual problem,
which is corporate greed.

I know, it's wild.

There's actually a Shapiro
that I really want to show you.

[LATCH CLICKS]

Wolfgang.

Hey, buddy.

Wolfgang likes his new bed.

You're mad. I know you're mad.

No.

I just...

wish you hadn't said a
lot of that stuff to Lola

about the art and the
trash and climate change.

We were having a dialogue.
I was engaging with the art.

It came off a little insulting

and I still answer to her.

I'm really sorry, Darby. I...

Honestly, I did not mean
to come off that way.

It just...

the piece was about climate change.

- Yeah.
- Which is an issue

that I am very passionate about.

I know, I know, and I love that.

[CHUCKLES]

I just... I feel like context matters

and, you know,
there's a time and place for it

and it was my holiday work party.

Yeah, but Darby,

n-no one is gonna
blame you for my actions.

And if they do, f*ck 'em.

Well, no. Not... no.

Not f*ck them, because...

people's feelings are important, right?

Okay, uh...

I hear you.

I just think it's a
difference of opinion.

Yeah.

And I mean,

we don't have to see eye-to-eye
on everything, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- It's f*cking boring.

No, I mean, no, you're right.

- We're both right.
- Yeah, I love being right.

- Well, me too.
- Yeah, no.

You're great at being right.

He's helpful and sweet. He's wonderful.

I mean, we're different,
but that's kind of cool.

You know, I always thought I had to be

with my, like, male counterpart,

but I have to accept him for who he is

and I'm sure there's stuff
about me that drives him crazy.

May I make an observation?

You may.

You sound a little like

you're trying to convince yourself.

That doesn't feel like an observation.

It kind of feels like a judgment.

Could you just be supportive?

Yes, I can.

I support you and I love you
and I can't wait to meet him.

Mom, thank you.

So listen, honey,

I'm at the doctor with Grandma Janet.

What do you know about diverticulitis?

[HORNS HONKING]

[DOG BARKING]

[FIRE ALARM BEEPING]

Hey, where's that smell coming from?

Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, sh*t!
- Oh, sh*t!

Do you have a fire extinguisher?

Um, I don't know. I don't think so.

You really should
have a fire extinguisher!

- Dude, really? Right now?
- Okay.

Oh, Jesus!

- Okay, uh.
- Oh, sh*t!

- Okay, um, um, hang on!
- sh*t.

- Uh...
- Oh, f*ck.

[FIRE ALARM BEEPING]

[ORNAMENTS CLATTERING]

Dude.

[COUGHS]

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- f*ck. Nice work.
- Thank you.

- Oh, my God.
- Jesus.

- What the f*ck happened?
- I have no idea.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Wolfgang.

- Hey, bud.
- Oh, my God.

He must've chewed
through the f*cking wires.

- [LAUGHS] That's crazy.
- [FEIGNS LAUGHTER]

- Hey, we're safe, though, right?
- Yeah, no.

- We are okay.
- It's... yeah.

- [WOLFGANG MEOWING]
- Okay.

f*ckin' thrilling.

- Uh, okay.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]

- [FEIGNS CHUCKLE]
- Man.

[FIRE ALARM BEEPING]

[SLOW JAZZY MUSIC]

NARRATOR: Alone with her thoughts

in the darkness of a spin class,

Darby started to wonder.

If Augie felt like an old pair of jeans,

were they too snug?

If she was honest with herself,

the zipper didn't quite
come all the way up


and they were starting to cut off

the circulation to her brain.

Okay, : !

Put another turn on that wheel.

I need you to ride for whatever
it is that's holding you back.

Oh, my God. We had
to remove a whole wall.

There was, like,
a leak my aunt didn't know about.

- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, pretty exciting stuff.

So what's up?

You know, I think you're
the first person in my life

to ever ask me for advice.

Oh, um, right.

[SIGHS]

Okay.

I...

I think I might break up with Augie.

I might be overreacting. I don't know.

- Oh. Whoa, sh*t.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

I just...

I find him really f*cking
annoying right now.

No, I mean, I totally love the guy,
but I get it.

W-what is it? Is he doing his,
like, holier-than-thou thing?

Y-yeah. Yeah.

Which, obviously, like,
his heart is in the right place,

but I don't know.
He does this thing, like,

- "Let's throw caution to the wind,
- Yeah.

come on" and...

I'm not always down, man.

I know, and then
that makes you feel uptight.

Exactly, yes.

I know, I know, I know, I know.
Sara used to do this to me...

Or being with Sara
used to do that to me.

I don't know,
maybe you and Augie just, like,

maybe you guys want different lives.

Right, um...

Do you smell something weird?

- No, I don't.
- [CHUCKLING] Okay, sorry.

Look, if Augie isn't
bringing out the best in you,

it's possible you aren't
bringing out the best in him.

Which is fine, I mean,

that doesn't make either
of you bad people, like...

Yeah.

It's okay to leave.

If I'm honest with myself,

I don't think I made
Sara all that happy.

- Right.
- You know?

That's very good. That's very wise.

Oh, sh*t. That was good advice?

Yeah, it was good.
It was excellent advice.

- Top notch.
- Thanks.

I'm sorry, you don't...

You don't smell something weird?

[SNIFFS]

You mean this?

I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

- That's insane, dude.
- Wait.

Holy sh*t. Are you pregnant?

[LAUGHS]

No, obviously not.

I mean, isn't that a thing,
though, like smells?

- My cousin had that.
- Yes.

I'm pretty sure she couldn't
even go in the meat aisle.

Jim, this is not funny.

- Okay, I'm sure you're fine.
- Yeah.

You guys are... You're careful, right?

Yes.

[SCOFFS] Obviously. God.

- Phew.
- Yeah, I think I better

finish your beer.

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLING]

[PHONE BUZZING]

[PIGEON COOS]

Yeah, sorry for all the texts.

I, um, I wasn't sure if I
was in the right place, so.

Oh, yeah,
I actually didn't get any of them.

I just have no reception down here.

Oh.

- [GRUNTS]
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

So what'd you want to talk about?

[GRUNTING]

Um, do you want to go in
your room or something?

Oh, 'cause of Sid?

No, he's got his headphones on. It's...

[SID GRUNTING]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Of course.

Okay.

'Scuse us. Looking good, man.

[GRUNTING]

- Oh, this is cozy.
- Yeah, it's cool, right?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, are you hungry?

Shavaughn and Edgar are making moussaka.

- No, I'm good, I'm good.
- Okay.

So what's up?

Um...

- I have good news and bad news.
- Okay.

Um, what do you want first?

Oh, uh, let's start with the bad.

Right, yes. Uh, okay.

So, um, lately I feel like

things just haven't really felt right.

- Buddy?
- Buddy!

Hey, man.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- All good, my man.

- This is Darby.
- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

- Hey, moussaka night.
- Moussaka night!

Not a lot of privacy in this joint, huh?

Yeah, railroad apartment.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Anyway, sorry.

You were... you were saying?

Yeah, no, just... yeah.

Just that I think maybe...

you and I are,

just more different than we thought.

- Mm-hmm.
- And, um...

this isn't really working
the way that we want it to.

You know?

Oh, wow.

Okay, that, um...

I am...

actually really glad you said something,

'cause I've been wanting
to say something to you.

- I just really had no idea...
- Wait, really?

- How to bring it up.
- Like, actu...

- What?
- So you're dumping me?

No, I... I thought you were dumping me.

[CHUCKLES] No, I... I... yes, I am.

[LAUGHS] You are breaking up with me?

- I am breaking up with you.
- Yes?

'Cause I don't want to stay together

and then up f*cking hating each other.

Yes. , years, you know what I mean?

Absolutely not.

Because I love who you are

and if you want to go live in
a tiny house on a mountain,

I want that for you.

And if you want to be in bed
every Friday night by :

- for the rest of your life...
- I really do.

- Let it be so.
- I really do.

You took this very well and
I'm feeling really rejected.

No, I... come on. I'm taking...

You could pretend to be sad.

I am torn up inside right now.

You don't know how much this... [LAUGHS]

I can tell. I can tell.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, okay.

So that, uh,
bad news wasn't so bad after all.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

What's the good news?

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIGHS]
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