01x10 - ...said I'm sorry

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Never Have I Ever". Aired: April 27, 2020 –; present.*
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After a traumatic year, a first-generation Indian-American teenager wants to improve her status at school, but friends, family, and feelings don't make it easy on her.
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01x10 - ...said I'm sorry

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, it's your boy McEnroe again.

Now, you may be wondering

did Devi redecorate and become a super fan
of the classic rock power-group,

The Doobie Brothers?

Not quite.

A week ago, Devi and her mom
had an epic blowout

after Nalini said
they were relocating to India.

You remember,
the fight where Devi said this:

I wish you were the one
that d*ed that night.

After dropping that b*mb,

Devi decided
she had to move out of the house

before her mom had a chance
to move her across the globe.

But where to go?

She wasn't really on speaking terms
with her two best friends,

and it would be psycho
to ask a guy she's only kissed once

if she could live with him.

So there's really only one person left.

Hey, David.

Um, did something kinda weird happen?
Or did I do something dumb at my party?

He's talking about this:

- Whoa. Were you just trying to kiss me?
- Uh...

And then four seconds later, this:

Ben, what the hell?

Anyway, if I did,
that was just alcohol doing its thang.

So I... I hope that
you're not feeling weird, or awkward,

- because I...
- Can I move in with you?

Ben's parents were surprisingly
cool about letting Devi move in.

Their only concern was
that their last boarder,

a Greek foreign-exchange student
named Stavros,

had robbed them
and tried to seduce Ben's mother.

Devi promised she would do neither,

and was invited to stay
in their rock-and-roll themed guest room.

So now Devi got ready for school
under the soulful gaze

of Howard Gross's favorite clients.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

Good morning, Devi.

I have made your favorite:

- Meat lover's omelet.
- Thank you, Patty.

Here's number one million and one
of the things

I couldn't get if I moved to India...

'cause nobody eats meat there.

Well, actually,
that's a common misconception.

Only about 20 to 30 percent
of the population in India

are truly vegetarian.

I did an extra-credit report

for World History on the cuisines
of South Asia.

Suck-up.

You know, I would've run away earlier

if I'd known I'd get to use a bathroom
with a TV in it.

Yeah. I like to watch Billions
in the bath.

Mmm.

- Have you heard from your mom?
- No.

Honestly, I'm surprised
she hasn't had the police come over here

to drag you home.

I'm not sure she wants me back.

I mean, I'm like the only Indian child
ever to run away from home

aside from Mowgli.

Mowgli didn't run away.
He was lost after a tiger att*ck.

What? I'm a reader.

Look, maybe you should just apologize.

Why should I apologize?

She is the one who's ruining my life
by moving me to India.

I never even got to go to Coachella, Ben.

India is not that different
from Coachella.

It's crowded, dusty.
Diplo's sort of around.

Forget it. I'm not going.

You could ask my dad to help you
emancipate yourself like a child actor.

It usually goes pretty well for them.
You're looking to get into meth, right?

- Hello, Devi.
- Jesus! Kamala, what the hell?

I'm sorry. I've been told before

that my light tread is too elegant
to be detected by the human ear.

What are you doing here?

I thought you might need
some things from home.

It seemed like you packed in haste.

Yeah. I've been using
Ben's deodorant all week.

So, do you think
you might return home sometime soon?

It's not as much fun
watching 90 Day Fiancé

without your color commentary
about all the, quote, "delusional uggos."

I don't know, Kamala.

Your mother also misses you a lot.

Did she say that?

Not in words,

but I did see her hesitate when
she threw out all your favorite snacks.

So, is it nice over at Ben's?

It's friggin' luxurious.

They have a pool. They have a gym.

They use hella cushy soft toilet paper.

Not that one-ply trash Mom buys.

And they let me use the dishwasher.

I'm sure if you came home,

I could convince your mother
to let you run the dishwasher once.

Oh! Which home?

The one here,
or the one I'm being dragged to in India?

Obviously, you won't need a dishwasher
in India because you'll have servants.

Please just tell my mom
I'm not coming home

until she promises not to move.

Hello. You're beautiful. Are you new here?

Uh... excuse me?

I'm Eric,
a very popular and handsome jock.

Would you like to be my girlfriend?

Eric, get out of here.

I totally get it. Have a good day.

Hello, Arlene, this is Nalini Vishwakumar.

Oh, of course. Hello!

Oh. How's that classic three and two?

- It's fine.
- Fine?

Sounds like it's time for you guys
to upgrade to a four and three,

and I have new listing off of Moorpark

with the most beautiful en suite
you have ever seen in your life.

And you tell Mohan it's got a rain shower.

I would, but, um... sadly,
he passed away eight months ago.

Oh, my God!

Oh, I am so sorry.

Thank you,
and that's actually why I'm calling.

I have decided to move
my daughter and I back to India,

and, um, I'm looking to put my house
on the market.

Uh, okay, sure. I'll get right on it.

- Thank you.
- But it is such a shame, you know?

Mohan really loved that house.

Can you believe it?

Wow. This is perfect.

Does it get any more Southern California
than this?

It's 90210, baby.

Actually, it's 91403.

A higher number. Even better!

How come in all the movies about Hollywood

no one mentions
how many spiders live here?

Forget about the spiders
and look at the house.

We could plant a little garden here,

grow fresh tomatoes for thakkali sambar,

and our children could get married
right here on this lawn.

And when we grow old,
we can sit on the porch

and shake our fists at the skateboarders.

I do like to shake my fist.

So, you thinking this is the one, folks?

Yes.

Yes, this is our home.

Wonderful! I'll get started
on the paperwork.

Welcome to the Valley, folks,

LA's responsible sister.

Oh, my gosh. What is this song?

It's a sign. It is a beautiful day!

Arlene, can you please turn up that music?

Sure.

This is my new favorite song.

No!

Devi had hoped that
kissing Paxton wasn't a one-time thing,

but ever since he showed up at her house,

he had been a little bit,
how do you say… distant?

Hey. I haven't seen you all week.

Yeah, I've been busy.

Cool.

So listen, I'm sorry my mom
was so crazy to you the other day.

It's fine.
I don't really care what your mom thinks.

Totally.

I mean, honestly, I got
into a huge fight with her after that.

Listen, I need to get to class.

For sure, uh, but would you maybe
wanna hang out after school or something?

I don't know. I, like, have a lot going on
with swimming and stuff.

Oh, God.

Get out of there, Devi.
This is a classic brush-off.

Cool. Well, if you change your mind
or anything...

Hey, move it along. We do not give grades
for hallway loitering.

Go learn something.

Okay. Here you go.

What's the point
of all the ceramics in here?

Just to make the place seem homier.

Make my patients feel
a little more comfortable.

Strange.

So, I'm glad you came in today.

I mean, I didn't think you were someone
who believed in therapy.

I don't. It's for white people.

I mean, clearly,
there are some exceptions.

I am not quite sure what to make of that,
so I'm gonna ignore it.

What I do want to talk about
is Devi's progress.

Yeah.

- I'm concerned.
- Yeah, me too.

I told her we were moving us
back to India,

and she ran away to live with a family

who apparently run their dishwasher
day and night.

- Wait. You're moving back to India?
- Yeah, we have to.

Devi is out of control. She needs to be
in an environment that values discipline.

Sure, but changing your geography

won't necessarily change the problems
that Devi is dealing with.

Well, I'm certainly not fixing them here
on my own.

I know that I'm not as good as Mohan,

but I am trying.

You must miss him a lot.

How are you handling your grief?

Oh, you know what?
I am not falling for this one.

I'm here to talk about my daughter
who wishes I were dead.

- I don't think that's true.
- That is true.

She said, quote,
"I wish you were the one who had d*ed."

And that she didn't think I liked her.

Why do you think Devi feels that way?

Because I'm tough on her.

I am. I know that.

But it's only because I am scared...
all the time.

When she couldn't walk, I, um...

You don't always have to be so strong.

I mean, it might help her to know
that you're also struggling.

Come on.

What good would that do? Huh?

Have you considered falling apart
might actually be the thing that...

brings your family back together?

Tomorrow is Mohan's birthday.

He'd be so sad if he knew
we weren't speaking.

These ceramics are quite comforting.

For white people too.

All right.
Trent thinks he can eat an...

- No, I know.
- No, you think...

In one bite, in one bite... Prove it!

- Are you guys ready? 'Cause I'm ready.
- Prove it. Go ahead.

Do it. Stuff it! Stuff it! Stuff it!

Get it in there. Yes!

Devi, you have a visitor.

Paxton?

Oh, Miss Vivian does not allow
any sugar in the house.

- She's on keto diet and...
- Just take it.

What are you doing here?

I'm here because... um...

even though your behavior
has been outrageous

and incredibly disrespectful, I...

I don't want us to fight anymore.

Today is your father's birthday, and...

I think it's time for us
to scatter his ashes.

Would you do that with me?

You want to spread his ashes?

Why does it have to be today?

Because it's his birthday,

and we probably should have
done it a long time ago.

Or maybe it's because you want to do
some spring cleaning

before uprooting the whole family,

and you're trying to get rid
of unnecessary junk like Dad.

Devi, that's, that's unkind.
I... I wanted us to do this together.

Well, you can count me out.

I'm not Marie Kondo-ing
members of this family

for your dumb India move.

Okay.

Like I said...

I don't want to fight with you.

If you change your mind,
Kamala and I are leaving the house

for Malibu at 5:00 p.m.

God, Dad, you have great flexibility.

Make sure you drink
a lot of water today, okay?

Sure thing, champ.

Excuse me. I don't mean to intrude,
but, Mr. Gross sir,

I was wondering if you could help me
become emancipated from my mother.

What? Devi, I was joking
when I said that.

I know, but now it seems like
a good option for me.

It's a bit hard to do, sweetie.

Are you financially independent?

No, but I think my friend Rebecca
could get me a job at Old Navy.

Let me look into it,
and, uh, I'll see what I can do.

No, Dad, she didn't mean it.

Can I talk to you?

Thank you, Mr. Gross.

Devi, what's going on?

My mom just came in here
and was being all like,

"I don't wanna fight anymore.

Come spread you dad's ashes with me
at the beach."

Isn't that a good thing?

No, it's a ploy to get me back
so that I have to move to India with her.

And honestly, I can't believe
she's using my dad's ashes like that.

That's, like, immoral.

So you're not going to spread
your dad's ashes?

Nope. I'm not falling for her tricks.

I really think you should talk to her
and clear this up.

I don't negotiate with t*rrorists, Ben.

And honestly,
I'm mature enough to be on my own.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna Google how to buy a credit card.

I really only thought
I'd be buying two Frappuccinos

since I only asked two of you here.

Don't be cheap, Ben.

If you need to talk to us that urgently,
you can also afford to hydrate our lovers.

Fine. Why does the robot need a coffee?

Uh, have you not seen Westworld?

He doesn't know he's a robot.

Here you go, Gears.

Thank you. Boy, am I thirsty.

So what's this about?

Your blazer makes me think you're trying
to rope us into a pyramid scheme.

So, what is it?

I'm really worried about Devi.

Listen, I'm sorry, Ben,

but Eleanor and I are on a friend break
with Devi right now.

So I guess you'll just have
to figure it out on your own.

There's no such thing as a friend break.
You're either friends, or you're not.

And Devi needs you.

I don't know how much you've heard,
but she ran away from home.

- She's trying to emancipate herself.
- Ooh, like a child actor? Chic.

Yeah, and now she's refusing
to go with her mom

to spread her dad's ashes today.

She is?

You guys know her better than anyone.
You're the only people she'll listen to.

So, will you help?

Oh, mama. That sure hit the spot.

Devi called.
She wants to work with me at Old Navy.

Isn't that cool?

Yeah, sure.

How come she hasn't come over in a while?

I thought you told me you kissed.

- I kiss a lot of girls.
- Yeah, but most of them suck.

And I like Devi.

Doesn't mean I need
to make her my girlfriend.

You should.

Listen, I don't wanna sound conceited,

but I'm kind of cool,

and she's, like, known for competing
in the National Spelling Bee.

- Oh, no.
- What?

You're a douche.

- I am not.
- Yeah, you are.

Rebecca, look. We kissed one time.

I don't need to marry her.

Also, her mom basically called me stupid,

and I don't need
that kinda negative energy in my life.

Oh, so you're scared
she's smarter than you?

No. Uh...

That's pretty rude, Rebecca.

Well, if you blow her off,
then actually, you are stupid.

Hey, you have guests.

Whoa. What is this room?

Why are they here?

I'd prefer not to have
any visitors right now.

First off, this is my house,
so I can bring anyone I want...

except for my dad's old law partner
who poached Channing Tatum from him.

I asked them to come and help you.

Help me what?

You have to go with your mom
to spread your dad's ashes.

Even though we haven't talked,
we still care about you,

and we don't want you to make a decision
you're gonna regret forever.

You know, you're one
to talk about regrets, Eleanor.

What are you even wearing?

Tan pants, tan shirt.

And you're not gonna regret
quitting the play,

or dressing like a park ranger
for the rest of your life?

This isn't about me.
We're talking about you right now.

I know Devi is deflecting,
but she has a point, El.

Last night, I saw you eat a plain yogurt

and watch the Home Shopping Network
as entertainment.

That sounds really bleak, Eleanor.

I know you don't want to be like your mom,

but this new you
can't be making you happy.

It's not. I'm miserable.

I hate neutral tones.
I miss my scarves and capes.

Of course, you do because they're you,

and so is acting.

You should be a part of the play.

You're right.

I was pretending to be someone I'm not,
which I should only be doing on stage.

Wow. Even saying the word "stage"
makes me feel better.

Guys, I am so sorry I wasn't there for you
when you needed me.

I know I don't deserve another chance,

but I really, really miss you.

We miss you too, Devi.

Maybe we could hang out sometime?

Yeah, I think so.

We'll call you tomorrow. Aw!

Hey, guys. You didn't do the thing.

Get her to spread her dad's ashes.

- I totally forgot why we were here.
- Oh!

You just like used
straight-up Jedi mind tricks on us.

I know, but I did mean what I said.
I really do miss you guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You still have to go to Malibu.

So my mom can ship me off to India?

That's not why you don't wanna go.

You don't wanna go because you don't wanna
say goodbye to him.

But you have to.

I'm not ready.

Yes, you are. You can do this.

You gotta go.

Go, Devi.

The time is now 4:55.

Oh, my God. I'm not gonna make it in time!

I'll get you there.

Hey, Ben, when you said,
"I'll get you there,"

you made it seem like you understood
the urgency of the situation.

- I do.
- Then drive faster, bro!

This is my dad's car,
and I only have a permit.

I'm not gonna throw my life away for you.

At least drive the speed limit.

Oh, my God. Grandma, go!

Hey, stop pushing my leg.

This is not how you treat a Porsche.

Should we wait a little bit longer?

She's not coming, Kamala.

We don't have to do this today, you know.

It's his birthday.
I want to take him somewhere he loves.

sh*t! My mom's car is gone.

Andy, did you see my mom leave?

Yeah, not long ago.

She had an intense vibe.

Dammit. They already left for Malibu.

I gotta call them.

Straight to voicemail.

I'll take you to Malibu.

I think it might be faster
if I just take a Lyft.

No. I'll be faster this time.

Although I've never been
on the highway before,

but how hard could it be?

Holy sh*t. We're gonna die!

How is it legal to drive 70 miles an hour
around a thousand other cars?

- Okay. Just relax.
- I am relaxed.

Please wait. I'm on my way to you.

Why is that guy so close to me?
Does he not see me?

I'm right next to you, pal.

Oh, my God! Use your fricking blinker!

Mom! Wait!

Mom! Kamala! Stop!

Wait, please!

Are you okay, kid?

Oh, f*ck. You're John McEnroe.

I am.

Whoa! It's me. Small world.

My dad's your biggest fan.

That's awesome,
but why are you crying and screaming?

Because my mom
is about to toss my dad in the ocean,

- and I can't make it down there in time.
- Huh?

His ashes, I mean. Sorry. He's dead.

Yeah, a lot of my fans are now.

I was such a shitty daughter,
and I said I wouldn't come.

Now they're doing it without me.

I'm trying to scream,
but they can't hear me.

Well, they'll certainly hear me.

We can't do this without Devi.

Wait! Hey!

Don't throw your husband's ashes
in the water!

Is that John McEnroe?

- Thank you so much, Mr. McEnroe.
- No problem, kid.

Now, you give your dad
a proper send off, okay? Get going.

Mom!

Did I miss it? Am I too late?

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything.

I can't believe I said,
"I wish you were dead." I didn't mean it.

No, no. Don't apologize.

Sometimes I also wish
I was the one who had d*ed.

No.

I know you think that it was your father
who was the only one who cared about you,

but that's not true.

I love you.

You're my only child.

You're my whole family.

I love you too, Mom. I love you.

Now how about we celebrate your father?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay, Kamala, if you please.

Goodbye, my love.

"'I love you right up to the moon, '
he said."

Up, up. Racket head up, and through.

Ha, ha!

I think your father would've enjoyed
that little ceremony.

It was beautiful...

except for when that booze cruise came by.

So many topless women.

I think Mohan would've
enjoyed that as well.

Mom, can we make pancakes for dinner
like he used to?

Of course,

but you have to come home to eat them.

Okay.

Go ahead. I'll be right there.

Hi. Was I drooling?

Sorry.

Uh, how did it go?
Did you make it down there in time?

Yeah.

You stayed.

Yeah. I just wanted to make sure
you were okay.

It's Devi. Leave a message.

Oh, hey, um, I'm in your neighborhood.

Thought maybe we can hang out,
but, uh, it seems like you're busy, so...

Uh...

Anyway, you can give me a call
or text. Whatever.

Okay.
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