02x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

All right, well,

here I go.

All right, sausage head.
Look, we'll see you in a few weeks, hmm?

Fine. It'll be great.
I mean, it's fine. It's rehab, yeah?

Go in bad, come out good. [chuckles]

Yeah. Thank you for paying for it again.

Malcolm, the lunch?

Oh yes.
Your mother made a flask of clam chowder.

Ah yes, thank you.

Great, all right.

[locks door]

- Mum?
- Heaven-Haven, by Gerard Manley Hopkins.

"I have desired to go
Where springs not fail

I have asked to be
Where no storms come

Where the green swell
Is in the heavens dumb

And out of the swing of the sea"

Right, okay.

Okay? You understand?

Yes. Sure, yeah.

We're proud of you.

- Thanks. Do you want to come in?
- Oh, absolutely not.

[unlocks door]

["How could You Disappear?"
by AJIMAL playing]

♪ I'll remember you always ♪

♪ Precious things not yet forgotten
Like my... ♪

[woman] Mae Martin?

Oh my God, Audrey!

What was the last thing I said to you
when you checked outta here?

Um, you said if I ever ended up back here,
you'd k*ll me.

- Good to see you.
- How long has it been?

I think I was the last time I was here.

I bolted the mattresses
so you don't throw one out the window.

Oh, I don't do things like that anymore.

Maybe you haven't heard,
I'm actually British now.

All right, I'm good to go, so...

Phone, Mae.

Oh, I have no phone.

Bernice! Can you pat Mae down?

- Um, you mean this phone.
- Mmm.

Yes, can you give me one second?

[instrumental music playing]

[chuckles softly]

All right.

Let's do this.
Hey, do you want some clam chowder?

[chuckling] Whoa! Mama Mookie!

What is it, Christmas Navidad?

I'm purging and recycling.

I read an article that said
the Amazon is disappearing

at a rate of , square miles per year.

Why did nobody tell me that, Phil?

If we don't recycle,
there'll be no habitat left for the bees.

The bees, Phil!

Georgie, you're saying "bees"
and "recycling,"

but all I'm hearing is M-A-E.

No. Honestly, I'm not worried about Mae.
She's coming back.

- She dumped you, dude.
- Well, I dumped her first.

So yes, she felt she needed
to assert her independence

and, you know, heal or whatever,
which I respect.

But come on, like, she's obsessed with me.

She wrote this poem
about how perfect my elbows are.

My elbows are f*cking rank.

She's not even picked up her stuff.

- She's coming back.
- She's not, George.

When she does, she's gonna realize
I'm a different person,

like a better person.
We'll all be very happy.

Me, you, Mae, and... and the bees.

Um, I'm actually very relaxed
about the whole thing.

[clattering]

Could you help me
sort through this rancid pile of guff?

[chuckles]

[sniffing]

[sobbing]

Phil? What's... What's wrong?

This is my dad's.

I haven't seen him in years.

He left my family just like...
just like Mae left us.

- What are you doing?
- I'm just doing my time, I guess.

- Uh-huh.
- Trying to write a joke about noodles.

You missed women's yoga.

Oh, I don't actually really identify
as a woman these days, just so you know.

What do you identify as?

Uh, kind of like an Adam Driver
or a Ryan Gosling.

I'm still like working it out, I think.

Yeah. Well, you have a new roommate.

This is Marsha.

Marsha, this is Mae. She lives in England,
but she's with us for now.

- Hey.
- So what, you like British or something?

Uh, no, I'm Canadian.
I just live over there.

Oh. So... So you like the Queen of England?

- Excuse me?
- Oh! Oh! Oh! [laughs]

Your Majesty!

Oh! Do you need a throne
for your pointy little ass,

Your Royal Highness?

Um, no, I'm good.
Um, Audrey, can we talk...

Wait, wait, wait. Don't I know you?

Oh well, I'm a comedian.

So you may have seen
some of my material online

- or perhaps you heard me on a podcast.
- Nah, nah, something else.

Uh, wait.

Is that Fergie Middleton?

[laughing] Oh!

Your Royal Highness, the Queen! [guffaws]

Yeah. That's my ex-girlfriend.

- I just keep the picture of her out...
- Whoa.

[moaning]

- Yeah, great.
- Your Royal Highness is eating my p*ssy.

[laughs]

Oh, Your Majesty!

Good morning, everyone.

[both] Good morning.

- Good morning, Audrey.
- [Audrey] Okay, first up.

Who pissed in the rice?

That's disgusting, Marsha.
So now you're not allowed to eat the rice.

Wait, do we have to eat the rice?

Everyone, this is Mae.
She's just joined us.

Oh, she's the Queen of England.

Do you want some more crown jewels
up your ass, Your Majesty?

Yes, Marsha. Please can I have
some more crown jewels up my ass?

- Listen up.
- [group chuckling]

I want to start today
by asking a simple question.

- Why are we here?
- Free rice?

No, we're here because we relapsed.

Well, I hope we're not here
just because we relapsed,

but because we don't ever want
to be here again, ever.

Sean, what cycles are you trying to break?

I keep setting my life on fire
every time it gets good.

That's a powerful metaphor.

No, I mean,
I actually set my house on fire.

Okay.

- Marsha?
- Did I say you could talk to me, slut?

Mae, what about you?

Okay, so... [clears throat]

I fell in love hard with this girl
who looks like a little kidney bean,

and then when we broke up,
I relapsed like right away.

And that really scared
the sh*t out of me, 'cause...

I just feel like I need to make sure
that my feelings for her are real

and it's not just like
another type of addiction.

I'm sure everyone here
can relate to that feeling

- of being addicted to a person, right?
- Oh, yeah.

Mae, see if this sounds familiar to you.

"Adult emotional dependency."

"I cannot feel lovable or worthy
without other's approval."

"I need a lot of attention
from certain people

- to feel that I'm okay."
- Yeah.

"I am afraid to be alone."

Yeah, I mean, I get it,
but, uh, how do I fix it?

You have to fully let go.

Yeah, I have. I've ended things with her
before I came here.

Marsha told me you still have
a picture of her beside your bed.

[Audrey sighs] Okay, listen.

You're not gonna fix emotional dependency

while you're still hanging on
to that person.

It's like trying to kick heroin
while you're holding the syringe.

You gotta stand
on your own two feet for yourself, girl.

Uh, sorry, Adam Driver.

Every time I try to get clean for Inkboy,
I relapse.

This time, I'm here for me,

and ain't nobody gonna get
this sweet nectar

- until I get right with myself.
- Mm-hmm.

You need to grow up, Pee Wee.

It pains me to say it... [sighs]

...but Marsha's got a point.

You're not gonna build a relationship
off an open wound.

You have to let a scab form.

Otherwise, you'll keep hurting each other
over and over and...

- Oh, Marsha, please!
- [urinating]

[group groaning]

[line ringing]

[phone chiming]

- Hello?
- [Mae on phone] Hi.

Is it Mae? Say I said hi.

- Phil, f*ck off.
- George, say I said hi.

- f*ck off, f*ck off!
- Say I said hi.

So, how's... Hi, how's Canada?

[Mae on phone] Um, yeah, it's good.
It's, um, it's fine.

I'm calling from a pay phone.

And I'm in... I'm in the forest, uh,
on a camping trip with some good friends.

We're just fishing and moose-back riding.

- How are you?
- Good. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, good. Better.

Um, yeah, Mae, I've been like thinking
about, like, what's important to me, um...

George... George, I think I should move out.

- What?
- [Mae] Yeah.

I don't think it's fair of me
to keep you holding on,

and like I'm holding on.

And Jack has a spare room,

and I just felt like I could
send him around to pick up my stuff.

What do you... What do you mean?
Like, do you...

You wanna end things for good?

[sighs] I feel like I'm learning
that you can't build a relationship

on an open wound.

You have to let a scab form,

and you have to set each other free

if you still want
each other's sweet nectar. You know?

- What?
- [Mae] Hey.

I know where I know you from.

- I'm on the phone, Marsha.
- Are you with someone?

Like... Like a girl?

No, it's no one. It's like a fan.
Do you want an autograph?

You know my boyfriend, Inkboy.

You owe Inkboy money, you little piss rat.

Where are you?

You better run, Your Majesty.

Uh, George, I should go.

[Mae groans]

[phone disconnects]

She hung up.

[sighs]

What'd she say? Did she mention me?

She...

She says she wants to move out.

[mellow song playing]

[body thuds]

She's not coming back.

- Hey, how you doing?
- Mmm.

Why don't you go get some air?

Eh... [sighs]

I'm not really a huge fan
of nature in general.

Audrey...

[sighs]

Why do some people need
so much help just to exist,

and then other people
don't need any help at all?

It could be genetics or trauma.

[scoffs] What trauma?

I was so privileged as a kid.
You know I played the oboe?

Mae, when you first came to us,
you were very young

and very vulnerable.

This is gonna sound weird,

but I actually don't remember
huge chunks of my teens.

Like it's all jumbled.

I feel like my brain
is like a kitchen cupboard,

full of empty Tupperware containers,
and they're all mismatched,

and they have the wrong lids,
and jumbling, tumbling around.

All jumbling and tumbling.

That's what trauma does.

Yeah, but these people
have had actual trauma.

Like, difficult lives.
I was just this like brat,

like, running around trying
to be Bob Dylan or something.

Just like, "Hey, man! Playing my oboe
with 'Mr. Tambourine Man.'"

[Audrey] Oh, Mae,

you could not have been Bob Dylan
because he was a rock star,

and you were a -year-old girl.

Yeah, never mind actually. [sighs]

[Audrey] Look, what do you remember
about your early teens?

Your early relationships?

Um... [sighs]
I think this is a dead end.

Maybe if you want to go help someone else,

I have this feeling like I might want
to lie under the bed like a plank of wood.

[muffled] It's okay.
Just take a breath, okay?

What? I can't hear you
very well right now.

Are you talking super quiet?
I feel like I'm on the Titanic.

Are we in the Titanicright now?
You know what I mean?

- [Audrey] Mae.
- [horn honking]

[sighs]

- Hey!
- Hi!

[Mae] I'll come down.

Mae, please don't bail on yourself.

You do amazing work here, Audrey.

Oh sh*t! This is really high.

You know you can take
the front door, right? This isn't prison.

[sighs] Thanks, Audrey.
You're a really kind person.

[door opens]

[Scott laughs]

- Hey!
- [Scott] Hey.

- Déjà vu, kid.
- I don't speak French, sorry.

[Scott chuckles]

- Jesus, what happened to your face?
- Oh, yeah, nothing.

- Can we get out of here?
- Really? You're done?

I just want to move forward,
and they keep like pulling me back.

- You know?
- All right.

Could we find a show I could jump on?

Are you kidding?
You're like a viral comic now.

You can hop on any mic you want.

- Really?
- Yes!

So much gossip from The Comedy Club,
I don't even know where to start.

[upbeat music playing]

[sighs]

I just assumed Mae would come back,
but of course she won't.

She's probably writing poems
about someone else's elbows.

And I've...

Like, I've changed.

I recycle now!

[sniffing]

We should go somewhere.

[exhales]

We should find your dad.

You would help me find my dad?

Yes.

Yes, I would.

Phil, it would give us purpose.
There's nothing keeping me here.

Where would your dad be? Hollywood.

Let's go to Hollywood!

[scoffs] I mean,
what about your job, baby?

Oh, f*ck my job, baby. I'll quit!
I'm sh*t. I'm sh*t at my job.

Last week, I paid Deepa £
to do her homework.

[sighs] Well, I mean,
if you're serious, then yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah!

- Okay!
- All right!

Wow! [laughs]

Yeah, so I got two roommates.

- I call them Mum and Dad.
- No.

- He's still doing that joke?
- Been doing that for nine years.

- Watch this.
- [bombing sound effect]

- [audience laughing]
- Come on, Scott. Seriously?

[laughing]

Now this next act, she hasn't been
around here for a long time,

but I'm pleased to report
she has regressed straight back

- to the dipshit she always was.
- [loud chime]

- Come on.
- [laughs]

[audience laughing]

[audience applauding]

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stage, Mae Martin!

- No.
- Sorry.

[audience cheering]

No, it's... it's okay.

- I'm sorry.
- [Scott] No, it's fine.

You've outgrown me, right?

- What?
- Come on, get up there.

You're up, go k*ll it.

[ominous music playing]

[footsteps echoing]

Hey, guys.

Um...

I'm Mae.

Um, I just got out of rehab.

Uh...

Sorry.

[muffled whooping]

Did you say something?

Okay, something's happening.

[ominous music intensifies]

[breathing heavily]

[mic feedback]

Hey, so listen, they're just doing
some really avant-garde comedy

in... in the UK right now.

- [audience laughing]
- Uh... Yeah.

Listen, can I tell you guys about the time
I tried to sue the Dalai Lama?

- [audience laughing]
- That m*therf*cker. I don't know what...

[Scott] This is new.

I just freaked the f*ck out, right?

You had a panic att*ck.
Welcome to my world.

Come on out, everyone's gone.

[grunts]

What did you mean when you said
that thing about "you've outgrown me"?

I was just... I was just kidding.
That was just a dumb... dumb joke.

Listen, we've never really,

you know, talked about the past properly,

and like, I know that whole part
of our lives was f*cking crazy,

but it was real,

and if you ever want to talk about it,

I'm... I'm here. We can talk about it.

Hey.

[Mae] I don't know, man.

[sighs]

I have to fix my brain.

Or you could not.

I mean, we're comics.
We're supposed to be sacks of sh*t,

- but you got out, man.
- [laughs]

You got out, you have a career,
you got a girl who loves you.

Don't throw all that away
because you're punishing yourself

- over one night of coke.
- [door opens]

Oh, your dad's here. I'm gonna bounce.

Love you, dude.

Hello, Father.

[Linda] We've tried cutting you off.
That didn't work.

We've tried rehab. That didn't work.

So now we're left
with the only tool in our arsenal.

Physical proximity.

You'll be staying here at all times.
Here's your schedule.

[Malcolm] So at dawn, you and I
will be having yogurt in the garden.

Then you'll be assisting your mother
with her book,

then family band,

and then a light supper.

Oh, bouillabaisse, maybe.

Yes, yes, um, bouillabaisse,
or perhaps a lovely little ceviche,

and then off to bed. Lovely.

I won't have you at that club, Mae.
Comedians are vultures.

They took you once.
They won't do it again.

We're sorry to be so strict with you,
monkey, but really we're at our wits end.

Okay, Malcolm, she understands.
You don't have to be so aggressive.

[sighs]

I understand why you don't trust me,

but I'm years old.

I'm not a child.

[dance music playing]

[indistinct conversations]

Joyce?

Why did no one tell me
that there's a staff party?

I told you to your face this morning,
George. You weren't listening.

You were playing Red Dead Redemption
in the staff room.

Oh!

Oh, right, okay.

Um, listen, Joyce, there's something
that I really wanted to talk to you about.

Um, it's been... it's been like
a really difficult decision for me,

but, um, but I think I'm going
to tender my resignation.

Oh. Oh, well, okay, babe!

Joyce, I'm leaving.

Joyce, I'm going traveling,
so... so I'm quitting.

I heard you. Have fun, George.

Mama's gonna get stinky.

[laughs]

Uh...

Hi.

- Hi.
- You okay?

I just quit,
and Joyce didn't bat an eyelid.

That's a shame. I, uh, wanted to see
if you fancied a drink.

Oh.

That's nice.

Um, I'm George, by the way.

Yeah, I know. We've worked
at the same school for four years.

I'm Elliott.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

So you came out
by waving a dildo in a doctor's face.

- Yes. Yeah.
- That's one way to make an entrance.

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't really matter now
'cause, um, it's over.

Both... Both the relationship, and my life.

George, what are you talking about?

You're at the very beginning
of your journey.

When I first came out,
it felt like puberty again.

- Really?
- I was so randy and confused.

It took me ages to figure out
what I wanted, who I was.

And... And what did you land on?

So I'm bi and poly.

- The labels don't matter.
- Okay.

It's just about exploring
your space in the world.

- What do you care about?
- Oh, like, nothing really. [chuckles]

Bees?

- I'm sorry, I don't know why I said bees.
- I find it sexy that you like bees.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Um, before I was with Mae,

I... I think I was kind of embarrassed
to care about stuff.

- Mmm.
- But if the bees go extinct,

then our ecosystem will crumble,

and I think we should set up,
like, an environmental group.

And not just like the environment,
but like human rights stuff, too.

We need to help the kids engage, and...

Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I sound like a loser.

I know a few teachers
who'd be really into that idea.

- Really?
- Yeah.

A sort of
"Teachers for Social Activism" group.

Yeah! Actually.

Yeah.

What? Have... Have I got sh*t on my face?

I just see you.

Oh.

Oh, cool. [chuckles]

Have... Have I got sh*t on my face, though?

Joyce, I've had a change of heart,
and I don't want to quit.

- What, you quit?
- Yeah, like an hour ago.

Okay, good to have you back, George!

[laughing] Okay!

Yeah.

♪ Come on, come on, come on over ♪

♪ Start talking to me ♪

♪ One thing, one thing I can tell you ♪

♪ You look good when you're tired ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on over ♪

♪ Start talking to me ♪

♪ One thing, one thing I can tell you ♪

♪ You look good when you're tired ♪

♪ On a transatlantic flight ♪

♪ Before sunrise ♪

[Jack] Here you go.

All your stuff's over there.

- You okay?
- Yeah, thanks.

Great, well,
let me know if you need anything.

♪ Now I'm looking at the sun through ♪

♪ My eyelids ♪

[phone chiming]

♪ My eyelids ♪

♪ Now I'm drifting in the astral plane ♪

♪ When will I see you again? ♪

♪ Are you drifting in the astral plane? ♪

♪ When will I see you again? ♪

♪ So why don't you ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on over ♪

♪ Start talking to me ♪

♪ One thing, one thing I can tell you ♪

♪ You look good when you're tired ♪

♪ You look good when you're tired ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on over ♪

♪ Start talking to me ♪

♪ One thing, one thing I can tell you ♪

♪ You look good when you're tired ♪

♪ On a transatlantic flight ♪