06x03 - Spongicus/Suction Cup Symphony

[bunniefuu]

Are you ready, kids?

[kids] Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense

Be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

-Ready?

[all] ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob ♪

♪ SquarePants ♪

[laughs]

[plays airy tune]

♪ Oh... ♪

[holds note]

♪ Oh, how much chum

Could a sea slug chug ♪

♪ If a sea slug could chug-- ♪

[gasps]

Mr. Krabs, you gotta get

out here!

It's a code blue situation!

Please deposit cents

to continue this call.

Uh, sure thing, Mr. K.

[chiming]

Mr. Krabs!

You gotta get out here!

It's a code blue situation!

Code blue?!

What's the matter, boy?!

I think Plankton wants

to destroy our way of life!

Man alive! He's taking us down!

[laughs]

Get ready, Krabs,

for the surprise of your life!

Brace yourselves!

Huh?!

Plankton's destroying

the Chum Bucket?

I guess he's finally given up

on the restaurant business.

Couldn't take the competition.

What is that?!

Greetings,

citizens of Bikini Bottom!

Behold my Imperial Chum

Coliseum!

I vow to introduce

to this fair city

culture in the form

of hand-to-hand grappling.

I intend to enrich your lives

culturally

by exhibiting the moist

spectacle

of gladiators

in mortal conflict.

My corporate underwriters told

me to mention that it's free!

[all cheer]

Come one, come all.

Remember, kids love gladiators.

Wow! Real-life conflict?

For free?

Let the horror show begin!

[excited chatter]

[laughs evilly]

Oh, Karen, even though

you're just a frigid machine,

your circuits must be welling

with emotion

at my latest achievement.

Yes, my resistors

are simply gushing

from their copper-foil traces.

This will prove to be

my greatest evil scheme ever!

That's what you said

when you tried to boil Krabs

in a bisque.

I can still feel the burns.

Which is why I've removed

all molten liquid

from this maneuver.

And it's why this time I will be

the one with all the customers!

And Krabs will be the pathetic

one in an empty restaurant,

stuck with a computer

for a wife!

-[powers down]

-Sorry, honey.

[groans]

Wow! Looks like Plankton

finally has some customers.

I agree. It's very suspicious.

And he may have lured a few

of our fair-weather customers in

with some cheap entertainment,

but our loyal customers

know quality when they taste it.

So let's get in there

and serve them up a burger

they tell grand-guppies about.

[gasps]

Where's my loyal customers?!

They've taken

their grand-guppies

to see guts and gore

across the street.

[growls]

That lower lifeform

can slander my name

and desecrate my mother's grave.

I'm right here.

But when he steals my customers,

then I push back!

Gentlemen, to the coliseum!

[crowd cheering]

This wreaks of evil!

And I'm gonna sniff out

the source.

[sniffs]

Welcome, one and all,

to the First Bi-Annual

Big Arena of Annihilation!

[cheering, whistling]

-Whoo!

-[cheering]

Brought to you by yours truly.

So without further ado,

let the mauling begin!

[cheering, applause]

[whistles] Alright!

-Yay!

-[cheering]

[growling, roaring]

[cheering]

Whoo! Isn't this a boat load

of fun, Squidward?

I can't wait to see

the poor sucker

who has to go up against

that beast!

You call this fun? This is just

cheap, uncultured lay-sport.

Now release the opponent!

-Yes! Go!

-[cheering]

[growling]

[laughs foolishly]

Patrick?!

[growling]

How could they?!

This is horrible! [sobs]

This is fabulous! [laughs]

Enough dilly-dallying.

Send out the blood sausages!

-Alright!

-[growling]

[laughs evilly]

That pink dimwit

doesn't stand a chance

with those sausages

round his throat.

As soon as the smell of sausage

hits that ravenous

lionfish's nostrils,

he'll be over Patrick

like mold on shower curtain!

Rip his sausages off!

[excited cheering]

[growling]

[stammers nervously] Nice kitty.

Here, kitty. Want a sausage?

A nice... delicious...

mmm, tasty...

sausage! [munches loudly]

[growls violently]

Spawn of a gefilte fish!

I can't sit here and watch this!

That's my best friend out there.

[grunts, yells]

Huh?

-Patrick!

-What?!

Oh, it's you.

How's it going, buddy?

No time for chit-chat. Get in!

-Hurry up, Nelly!

-[whips]

[jeers]

Boring!

I want to see some body parts!

Ma!

[growling]

This is ridiculous!

I order a simple, brutal mauling

for my denizens,

and I get a circus act!

Time for Phase Two.

Chum on a stick!

Get your fresh chum right here!

Some chum for you, miss?

Well, all this waiting around

for someone to get mauled

is making me a bit hungry.

Here, take this one. It's fresh

and warm, like my hospitality!

-Why, thank you!

-Just $ , please.

$ ?! Why would I pay $

when I can go across the street

and get a Krabby Patty for $ ?

Exactly!

[groans] You don't get this kind

of entertainment

with a Krabby Patty, do you?

No, I suppose not.

$ or the fight's off.

-Ugh. Fine. Whatever.

-There you are.

I'm sure I've made a satisfied

customer of you already.

That was appalling!

What was in that?

Oh, just the usual ingredients.

Some jellyfish squeezings,

whale blubber, seahorse snout,

and a sprinkle of anchor rust.

[coughs, gags]

[vomits]

Oh, barnacles! That's foul!

[moaning, jeering]

Now, I've been waiting

for years

to have the amount of customers

Krabs sees every day.

And I won't let that be ruined

because the show's "boring"

or the food's "inedible."

So sit down, enjoy the show

and buy some chum!

[grumbling]

What do we do now, Patrick?!

Don't worry,

I'm already doing it.

[munches]

No! Patrick, now is not the time

for eating!

Now is the time to avoid being

eaten by that giant... Huh?!

[meows then growls]

That's it, Patrick!

He's not chasing us!

He's chasing those tasty,

tender, delicious, succulent

sausages around your neck!

[grunts]

Chum on a stick. Get your chum.

What the...

[crowd jeers]

Oh, great. Now how am I gonna

entertain the masses?

[roaring]

Hey! Watch where you're...

[roaring]

Oh, dear! [yells]

[roaring]

[cheering]

[growling]

Phew. Good thing I thought

ahead with that escape door.

Try and catch me now,

you prissy feline.

[laughs]

[yells] No!

Nice kitty! Want some chum?!

[whimpers]

You know, I'm not one

to give compliments out lightly,

but I gotta hand it to you, boy!

If you didn't throw those

sausages into the audience,

-we would've been dead!

-My pleasure!

Yeah, thanks, buddy!

You really saved my behind.

No joke!

I think it's safe to say,

that no matter how diabolical

Plankton's plans may be,

he'll never have the loyalty

of my good customers.

One Krabby Patty, please.

But of course, my good customer.

That'll be $ !

$ ?! What happened to $ ?

Ahem, perhaps you'd like to

speak to our financial expert?

[roaring]

[grumbles] Stupid inflation!

Thanks for your business!

[all laugh]

[laughter softens]

[all sigh]

[roaring]

[plays clarinet badly]

Sounds like Squidward

ate at Mario's last night.

[laughs]

Good thing no-one's around

to notice his embarrassing--

[gasps]

Those construction workers!

Squidward will die of

embarrassment if they hear him.

Poor Squidward.

He must be in too much pain

to make courtesy noises.

[inhales]

I'll cover for him.

[bad clarinet playing]

Whooooa!

Sorry, fellas.

[chuckles nervously]

This sure is a noisy trowel.

[blows raspberry]

Listen to this thing!

[blows raspberry,

laughs nervously]

I really should get it...

[sings gibberish]

[music interrupted by SpongeBob]

SpongeBob, can you keep it down?

I am trying to hone

my musical talent here.

You mean that wasn't

gastrointestinal distress?

And you guys, do you really

think that billboard

is more important

than my musical genius?

Well, sorry.

But some of us rather enjoy

the Bikini Bottom

Symphony Orchestra.

Bikini Bottom Symphony

Orchestra?

And we find

their public announcements

to be quite interesting.

"Original compositions wanted?"

Me? A famous composer?

[applause]

[crowd cheers]

Thank you, thank you.

[classical music orchestrated]

[cheering]

[applause]

[whimpers]

That would be nice.

[smooches]

Ew.

[cheers excitedly]

You've really made him happy.

I know what I've done.

OK...?

OK!

[inhales, exhales heavily]

Pull it together, Squidward.

Put your game face on.

[sighs] That's better.

Take your time with this one,

Squidward.

[hammering outside]

[screams]

"Due tomorrow"?!

[screams]

Only one day to write

my masterpiece.

Don't worry, Squidward.

We'll do it together.

No!

Get out!

Patrick!

What are you doing here?

Uh, I don't know.

I'm funny?

Are you sure you don't need

any help, Squidward?

No, thank you.

I am a solitary artiste!

[groans] SpongeBob?

-Yes, Patrick?

-I think I broke my bottom.

[laughs] Broke your...

Oh, Patrick, you're a card...

Whoa!

Yeah. [grunts]

[grunts]

Ah! Much better.

Patrick,

you should see a doctor.

I can't see a doctor.

My job doesn't provide me

with health insurance.

-What job is that?

-Exactly.

[giggles] I'm a genius.

The doctor will see you now,

Mr. Star.

[deflating]

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Can't you two be quiet

for one day?

My composition is due tomorrow.

Oh, no. No-no-no-no-no-no-no!

My patient is very sick.

Hey, I broke my butt.

[groans, sighs]

Become famous, revenge later.

[grunts]

Come on.

[strains]

Be inspired.

[thunder rumbles]

[heavenly choir sings]

Brilliant.

[Patrick yells]

[heavenly music

interrupted by yelling]

No! [sobs]

Why? Why? Why? Oh, why?

[sobs]

[shattering]

[yells]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm.

[groans angrily]

[Patrick moans]

[banging, yelling]

[yells]

[Patrick] Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[banging]

[squeaking]

[banging]

[ticking]

[shattering]

[punching]

[squeaking]

[ding]

I did it! Mwah!

[laughs excitedly] Yes!

I did it! I did it! I did it!

I did it! And I did it! [laughs]

[giggles] Did what?

[cheers, laughs]

Here you go, maestro.

My masterpiece.

Hmm. Oh. Very unusual.

I think we have our winner,

Mr. Tentacles.

Good evening,

music lovers of Bikini Bottom.

Tonight,

the premiere of a symphony

written by one of our own,

Squidward Tentacles.

[music begins]

[perfectly orchestrated

music plays]

[hums along]

[Patrick moans]

[gasps] Huh?

[banging, ticking]

[Patrick yells]

[shattering, ticking]

[yells]

I wrote down

everything I heard?!

[gulps]

[confused muttering]

[groans]

Ow!

Oh! That's gonna leave a mark!

[glove snapping, squeaking]

[Patrick yells]

[yelling, sizzling]

[cranking]

[inflating, whistling]

[licking]

[mumbles]

[squeaking]

[giggles]

[farts]

[farts, burps]

[licking]

[banging]

[yells]

[inflating, deflating]

[squeaking, slapping]

[squeaking]

Whoo-hoo!

[slurps, mumbles]

[squelching, giggling]

[thumping, farting]

[moans]

[inflating, popping]

[inflating]

[inflating, banging, deflating]

[Squidward groans]

[groaning]

That poor guy!

Patrick, get off of me!

[growls]

[throat clearing]

[crickets chirp]

[cheering]

Now that's what I call music.

That little yellow guy

is awesome.

Let us not forget

the tubby starfish.

Yeah, but the real genius

is the composer.

[all chant] Squidward!

Squidward!

Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!

[chanting continues]

Wow, Squidward,

they really like you.

Just don't get a swelled head.