04x21 - Revenge is Sweet

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here are...

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray,

and Lauren Chapin in...

Wait a minute.

- What did I do?
- Oh, nothing.

I wonder what's
wrong with you hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's nothing fatal. I just
gouged it the other day.

Oh, the way you're
always scratching

and scraping yourself
up on that old car of yours.

I didn't do this on my car.

What happened?
Burn? Bruise? Fracture?

Oh, it's nothing. I just
gouged it, that's all.

- When did this happen?
- Couple days ago.

- Got it changing a tire.
- Did you have a flat tire?

I told you, Mom, I
didn't do it on my car.

I was driving back from
Hillsboro on the old road.

I spotted this car pulled over to
the side of the road with a flat tire.

I could see the guy was
in trouble, so I stopped.

He had a couple of kids with him...
a boy about , a girl about my age.

[Jim] So that's the
reason you stopped.

[Bud] No, it wasn't.

It was just one of those things.

Sometimes you see a guy
stuck on the road, and you stop.

Looked like he didn't know
much about changing tires.

You need some help?

I certainly do.

Say, how the dickens do you
get a tire off one of these things?

A brand-new car, and by
George, wouldn't you know it?

The first time we drive
out on a country road,

miles from the nearest
phone, bang, out goes the tire.

Yeah, well, they'll
do that sometimes.

Yeah.

- Would you hold this for me?
- I'll hold it.

- He asked me to hold it!
- Hey, now, now, now, now.

Oh.

Yeah, well, I guess
you're all set now.

Son, I can't tell you how
much I appreciate you

taking your time to help me.

- Oh...
- Here.

Let me give you
a little something.

No. No. That's okay.

What? Oh, now, you must
let me give you something.

Here. Take this $..

- As a favor to me.
- No. That's okay.

Thanks just the same.

Thanks.

I hope I can return the
favor sometime, son.

[car departing]

That's how I gouged my
thumb... Changing this guy's tire.

I didn't even notice
it till I got home.

Well, you must've been in
a generous mood that day,

turning down $..

Yeah, I thought
about that later.

I was kind of stupid, wasn't I?

Oh, no, you weren't.

It doesn't hurt anyone to
do a kindness once in a while

without thought of being paid.

- [door slams]
- [Betty] Mother!

- I'm in the kitchen!
- Mother!

- Mother!
- What is it?

Did my gray sweater set
and that button-trimmed

skirt come back
from the cleaners?

Sweater set. You tore in here.

I thought the men from Mars
were coming down the chimney.

To answer your question,
yes, they came back.

Well, Father, I have
a date this afternoon

with Allan Wickett.

- Not really?
- Yes.

Who's Allan Wickett?

Oh, Father, you've heard
me talk about Allan Wickett.

You just don't listen.

He's the most popular
boy in the entire college.

His family just moved
here from Boston, no less.

They were social
leaders back there,

listed in Who's Who?

Oh, you should see
the car Allan drives.

And speaking of cars,

will you please move
that junk heap of yours

out of the front driveway
before Allan gets here.

I don't want him to
see that awful thing

and know that anyone in this
family would drive such a mess.

Say, I have to take up the
hem on my button-trimmed skirt.

Will you help me? Oh.

And move that horrible car!

Well, I guess you
two have your orders.

"Move that horrible car."

Boy, one of these days she's
gonna want a favor from me.

[chuckles] Just wait.

Oh, where are you off to?

I think I'll disappear.

Betty may want the
front of the house painted

before Allan Wickett gets here.

Well, I'm ready, Allan. I
can leave anytime now.

How nice of you to say that.

:? Fine.

I'll be waiting. Bye.

Oh, there's such a difference
in men, isn't there, Mother?

Yes. Some are tall and thin.

- Others are short and fat.
- Oh, now, you know
what I mean.

Allan's such a gentleman.

He always knows exactly
the right thing to say

at the right time.

His manners are perfect.

He's so completely civilized.

- Who's this?
- Allan Wickett.

Oh, I thought you
were talking about me.

Oh.

Allan's going to take me to the
tennis matches this afternoon.

Well, how perfectly ripping!

Oh, it's so refreshing
to meet a boy like Allan.

He's perfect,
absolutely perfect.

He always looks like
he just stepped out of

the window of a
London haberdashery.

I've never seen him when he
wasn't immaculately groomed.

- Never one hair out of place.
- [sneezes]

Has anybody seen
my socket wrench?

And to think that after
meeting Allan Wickett,

I have to claim this
thing as my brother.

Oh, isn't that horrible?

Well, you couldn't honestly
say he's a thing of beauty.

Not beautiful, no.

But with a certain earthy charm.

Kind of a petroleum
savoir faire.

[sighs]

It's a socket wrench.
About... About so big.

I had it out on the
driveway. Anybody see it?

A fugitive from the tar pits.

We haven't seen the wrench.
Did you look in the garage?

Is that it?

- Get away. Don't come near me.
- [horn honks]

- Well, move your big feet.
- There's Allan.

Oh, can't you do
something about him?

- What's with her?
- Well, she'd like you to be
a little more civilized.

Allen will bring
me home at :.

And will you please
keep this thing

out of the front yard
when I come home?

Please! Now, don't forget.

Fugitive from the tar pits.

One of these days,

this thing is gonna
get even with that thing.

Your socket wrench.

Oh. Thanks, Dad.

[mouths words]

You better come and
see what's wrong with Bud.

Oh? What's he doing?

He's sitting out there with
a mean look on his face.

- What's wrong with him?
- Well, he had an argument
with Betty a while ago.

You better go out
and talk to him.

I thought he'd
forgotten that by now.

[muttering]

Oh, hi, Dad.

What's all this
muttering and grumbling?

Still planning how you'll
get even with Betty?

Huh? Oh, no.

I wasn't thinking
about her at all.

I'm trying to figure out how
I can get a radio for my car.

I need bucks.
You got any ideas?

- Mm-hmm.
- You have? How do I get the ?

Trim all the bushes out in front
and take the weeds out of the lawn.

Well, that's the hard way.

It's better than no way at all.

It'll only take you
a couple of days.

Well, I'll take a look at
them. See what they look like.

I don't know. That's
awful hard work.

Well, hard work won't k*ll you.

Yeah, but it sure can
bruise a guy up, though.

Well, I'll see what
they look like.

Give you an estimate.

Bring in the trash can
while you're out there.

Well, did you douse
the flames of his anger?

Oh, he'd forgotten
all about Betty.

He was trying to figure
how to buy a radio for his car.

- Big problem.
- I made the heartless
suggestion

that he earn the money
by working on the front yard.

He's out there
now looking it over.

Betty's due home
in a few minutes.

Let's make sure
Bud isn't out in front.

Well...

Wasn't that a great
game this afternoon?

- I thought
it was just terrific.
- I did, too.

[chattering]

Oh, I saw him play last...

What's the matter?

- Look, that house...
- Is that your brother?

Yes, that's Bud.

I'm sure I've seen
him somewhere.

Thanks so much
for the afternoon.

I've enjoyed every second of it.

I know you're in a hurry to
get home, so I won't keep you.

Goodbye. I had a
simply perfect time.

Wait a second, Betty. We
want to meet your brother.

- I'm Allan Wickett, Bud.
- Oh.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Sharon, this is Bud.
- Hello.

Hi.

Haven't we met somewhere?

It seems like I have
seen you before.

Were you at the art
festival in Paris last year?

The who?

I know you're in a
hurry to get home,

so we won't hold
you a second longer.

- Well, goodbye.
- Bye.

- Thanks again.
- Bye.

Goodbye.

Oh, what I could do to you!

Ooh, you better call Bud.

If he's out there when
Betty comes home...

- Yeah, I'll go right out and...
- [Betty] Father!

Too late.

Well, as my seagoing
grandfather used to say,

Batten down the hatches.
We're in for a blow.

- Father!
- There's a hurricane coming.

Father, do you know
who was in the front yard...

Father, do you know who
was in the front yard waiting...

Just waiting for
me to come home?

- Now, wait...
- In those awful clothes,

standing on his
head in the trash can.

- That!
- Betty, it wasn't his fault...

How do you think I felt? Driving
up with Allan and his sister...

Cultured, intelligent,
sophisticated people...

And there he was,
right in the front yard,

looking like
something out of the...

The lowest depths of humanity.

- Now, hold it.
- Now, it wasn't enough
that Allan and Sharon saw him.

Oh, no. No, he had
to come up to the car

where they could
get a good look at him.

- Hold it.
- After I've been k*lling myself
to make a good impression,

here comes my brother...
An ape, a greasy ape...

Hold it!

We're all deeply sorry if
you were embarrassed, Betty.

But it was not his
fault. It was my fault.

[phone ringing]

- I asked him to go...
- Excuse me, Father.

Hello?

Oh, yes, Allan.

Well, I have nothing planned
for tomorrow night. Why?

I know this is
awfully short notice,

but my folks just announced
we're giving a dinner party.

A dinner party?

At your house?
Sounds delightful.

Of course, the whole
thing depends on Bud.

Is he free tomorrow night?

Bud? Our Bud?

- My brother?
- Sure.

The party's being given for him.

Sharon finally
remembered who he was

and where she saw him.

He's the one who
changed a tire for Dad

when he was stuck out
on the Hillsboro Road.

Uh, are you talking
to Betty Anderson?

- Let me speak to her.
- Just a minute.

Hello, Betty. This
is Allan's father.

Oh, hello, Mr. Wickett.

I haven't met you, but I know

that wonderful brother of yours,

and I'm deeply indebted to him.

We want him over here
for dinner tomorrow night.

And you come along, too.

- Well, thank you.
- Oh, here's Allan.

Betty, is Bud free
tomorrow night?

Oh, well, he better be.

I mean, of course.
I'm sure he will be.

Good. We'll see
you both about :.

Yes. Fine.

: will be fine.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

What's this about Bud
and a dinner party?

They're giving
the party for Bud.

Oh, it seems he changed a
tire or something for Mr. Wickett

on the Hillsboro Road.

Sharon recognized him.

Sure. Bud was telling us
about stopping to help someone.

And the man turned
out to be Mr. Wickett.

Well, that's one for the books.

That's one for the birds.

My first invitation
to the Wicketts',

and I have to tag
along with Bud.

Oh, of all the
disgusting situations.

There's a possibility
Bud may not want to go.

He'll go if I have to
drag him by the hair.

For Pete's sake, don't
tell Bud the party's for him.

If he finds out I'm just
hitchhiking on his invitation,

he'll refuse to go
just to be mean.

Oh, what a horrible brother!

How are you betting?
Think Bud'll go?

You heard what Betty said.

I think Bud'll go to the
Wicketts' tomorrow night

if she has to carry
him piggyback.

You're not doing
anything tomorrow night.

Why shouldn't you go?

Maybe I just don't want to go.

Now, look at it this way,
you'll be getting a free meal.

That appeals to you, doesn't it?

I can get a free meal at home.

You're stubborn! Plain stubborn!

Why is it so important to
you that I go to this dinner?

Why the big pitch?

Because I don't
want people to think

that my brother's such a droob,

he's afraid to be
seen in public.

You really want me to come, huh?

Oh, I don't think they'll
stop living if you don't come.

You have an invitation.

You should be so grateful
just to be asked to their house.

- Well, I'm not grateful.
- Ohh...

But I'll go.

By gosh, she did it.

We shouldn't let her take
advantage of him this way.

- It's not fair.
- Bud's not an infant.

Let's keep out of it
and see what happens.

We're to be at the Wicketts'
tomorrow evening at :.

You better start
taking a bath right now.

It'll take you till tomorrow
night to get clean.

Look, don't start
giving me orders.

If you're going with me, you're going
to look and act like a human being.

You're gonna be civilized.

- I'll be civilized.
- That's a promise.

And the first thing you're
gonna do is learn some manners.

What's wrong with my manners?

Oh, they're perfectly acceptable

in your circle of
greaseball friends

but not with people
like the Wicketts.

Oh, she's carrying this too far.

If you think I'm gonna
take you to their house

and be embarrassed,
you're wrong.

Forget it. The deal's off.

No, it isn't. You promised.

You gave your word you'd
go and you'd be civilized.

You may as well
make up your mind to it.

Before tomorrow night, I'm gonna
put you through basic training

in how to be a gentleman.

Now we're gonna practice
making an entrance.

- Hmm?
- I'll be Mrs. Wickett.

Go outside and come
in with your entrance.

Ring the bell, stupid!

[doorbell rings]

How do you do, young
man? Won't you come in?

Your name, dopey. Your name.

I'm Bud Anderson, Mrs. Wicker.

- Wickett.
- Wickett.

Oh, delighted to know you, Bud.

Don't stand there
all hunched over.

- They'll think you're sick.
- I am.

What do I do now?

I'd like you to meet one of the
other members of our family, Bud.

Elgard, dear, this
is Bud Anderson,

one of Sharon's little friends.

- Who's Elgard?
- Elgard Wickett,

Allan and Sharon's father.

Oh.

Well, say something.
Don't just stand there.

Hi.

You don't greet these
kind of people with "hi"!

You say "How do you do,
sir? This is indeed a pleasure."

Now try it.

How do you do, sir?
This is indeed a pleasure.

Likewise.

- Father!
- I'm sorry.

[Margaret] Bud? Jim?

Will you please come
to the table? Dinner's on.

Bud, this is Leone Snodgrass,

another member of
the Wickett household.

Leone here has been
cooking for us Wicketts

since the Boston Tea Party.

- You're a riot, Father.
- What have y'all got into?

I've been trying to teach
this creature some manners.

You think I get any
help from anyone? No.

Well, continue at the
dining room, please.

Ladies first.

Oh, and for heaven's sakes,

be careful at the
table tomorrow night.

- Yeah, yeah.
- And be especially careful
at the end of dinner.

The maid'll probably put a
little bowl of water in front of you.

And don't drink it.
It's a finger bowl.

He knows what a finger bowl is.

Well, you act as if he'd
been raised in a barn.

You're pushing this
a little too hard, Betty.

You'd think I was the scum
of the earth or something.

Stop.

No, that's the way I feel.

Why'd these fancy
people invite me anyway?

You don't ask
why you're invited.

Probably felt sorry for me.

Brilliant Betty's
poor ignorant brother.

We just should invite him.

Shouldn't hurt his feelings.

- [phone rings]
- I'm sure that's for me.

Don't let this get
under your skin, Bud.

You've seen Betty take
off on these tangents before.

Yeah, but it's always
me she jumps on.

I'm always the slob.

It makes me feel like I'm dirt.

- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?

Oh, I'm finished.

You know, she's always
been the big wheel,

lording it over me.

That can't go on forever.

One of these days, boy,
I'm gonna be the wheel.

Then she better watch out.

Look, Marge, this
is not just a date.

It's a dinner party at the
Wicketts' tomorrow night.

And you don't think
I have problems.

My first chance to
meet Allan's folks,

and I have to go with Bud.

Well, the party's for
him. Yes, it's for Bud.

Well, he changed a tire or
something for Mr. Wickett.

Now Mr. Wickett
thinks Bud is a genius.

Bud doesn't know the
party's being given for him.

If he found out, I'd be dead.

I just told him he was
kind of casually invited.

Oh, what he doesn't
know won't hurt me any.

Yeow! Bud!

- What are you doing?
- Listening.

Well. [chuckles]

So you know.

Yeah.

What's going on here?

I just found out
whose tire I changed

on the old Hillsboro Road,

and who's going to
be the guest of honor

at the party tomorrow night.

Me. Old Bud.

The slob. The fugitive
from the tar pits.

Y-You... You should be
ashamed. Eavesdropping!

I should be ashamed. After
what you've done to me?

Oh, boy, am I gonna
get even with you.

I'm gonna remember every insult,

every mean, crummy thing
you've ever done to me,

and tomorrow
night... [chuckling]

Don't plan on
getting your revenge

by embarrassing me at the Wicketts'
tomorrow night because I'm not going.

Oh, yes, you are. You
want me to tell Mr. Wickett

how you treated your
dear little brother?

How you abused his
favorite tire-changer?

You bet you're gonna go.

What's more, my
little chickadee,

between now and tomorrow night,

I'm gonna put you
through basic training

on how to do
everything I tell you to do.

- Well, if you think...
- You heard me!

Upstairs! On the double!

What happened out here?

Well, the beans are spilled,

the cat is out of the bag,
and the worm has turned.

Revenge.

Oh, boy. Sweet revenge.

I'm ready.

Hey, Mom, do I have to go
to the party with this thing?

This fugitive from the rag bag?

- Here.
- Thanks.

Bud, I think you've carried
your revenge far enough.

Remember one thing, Bud.

Even though Betty
did give you a bad time

and insulted you
unmercifully, I'll admit,

she kept it at home.

She didn't embarrass you

in front of people
outside the family.

Keep that in mind tonight.

Bye, Mom. Bye,
Dad. See you later.

[doorbell rings]

Bud, I've apologized.

I can't do anymore.

Bud, please don't embarrass
me in front of the Wicketts.

You're in no position
to ask any favors.

All right, you sadistic...

- Hello!
- Well, the Andersons.

Oh, come in. Come in.

Bud Anderson, the Good
Samaritan of the open road.

I'm glad to see you again, Bud.

It's nice to see you again, sir.

Mr. Wickett, may I
present my sister Betty.

- How do you do, Betty?
- How do you do, Mr. Wicker... Wickett.

Well, come inside.

Mrs. Wickett will be
here in a moment.

Allan and Sharon are
around here someplace.

Oh, I was so surprised when
Sharon told me it was Bud

- who stopped on the highway
to change my tire.
- Come here!

Get up there and take your bath!

Sorry, Betty. Hi, Bud. Jamie!

- Jamie, you get cleaned up.
- Get in there
and take your bath!

Sharon, you leave him alone!

- [door slams]
- [chuckling]

I have to apologize
for my children.

Big sister, little brother...

They can get into
the darnedest fights.

Bud, how about you and Betty?

Does she give you much trouble?

Yeah. Sometimes.

But I guess I don't bring
much joy into her life, either.

We have the usual
amount of fights, I guess.

Just average.

Oh. Well, how'd it go?

- Where's Bud?
- Oh, he's putting
the car away.

Well, tell us, what happened?

Bud was wonderful. He
could've destroyed me...

Absolutely destroyed
me if he'd wanted to.

But he didn't.

Oh, I was so proud
of him, I could've cried.

- Thank goodness.
- I'm not surprised.

After all, he is my son.

His manners were perfect.
He was simply an angel.

Well, we're back
with the family now.

We can pick up where we
left off. Get me a drink of water.

Go get it yourself. Good night.

Women. You just
can't trust them.