[Fox] Florida, 1990.
[insect fluttering]
[fluttering continues]
[Fox] I woke up with a ferocious hangover.
I placed my left hand across the bridge
of my nose to block the sunlight.
A moth's wing fluttered
against my right cheek.
I put my hand in front of my face
so I could finger-flick
the little beastie across the room.
[fluttering]
[Fox] That's when I noticed my pinkie.
Auto animated.
"For Christ's sake,
it's just your freaking finger."
But it wasn't mine.
sh*t. It was somebody else's.
Had I hit my head?
The tape of the previous night's events
was grainy at best.
[people laughing]
[Fox] Woody Harrelson was in the bar
the night before.
Maybe we'd had
one of our legendary drunken fights.
[groans]
[groans]
[Fox]
But I couldn't recall any such melee.
I did recall how my bodyguard
had to prop me up against the doorframe
while he fumbled the key into the door
of my suite.
But I didn't feel any bumps. f*ck.
[director 1] Action!
[director 2] Action, Michael!
[people shouting] Michael, Michael!
[reporter 1] Here is as hot as you get
in the history of this business.
[announcer 1]
And the winner is Michael J. Fox.
[people cheering]
[director 3] We're rolling.
[Fox] In the face of all evidence
to the contrary...
- [director 3] Very, very still. Mark.
- ...I was in an acid bath of fear...
and professional insecurity.
The trembling was a message...
from the future.
[breathing heavily]
[grunts]
[sighs, sniffles]
[Guggenheim] Everyone talks now
about owning their narrative.
So, the sad sack story is,
"Michael J. Fox gets this debilitating
disease, and it crushes him."
Hmm.
Yeah, that's boring.
My hair went curly,
like, at like, like, at 49.
It never was curly,
and all of a sudden it went--
I woke up one morning in Santa Barbara
and my hair was curly.
- [stylist] I think it's a good look.
- I can put some jam in it.
- [Guggenheim] No, no, no, no. [chuckles]
- I can put a hat on.
It's just caring too much
about what I look like for a documentary.
[Guggenheim] Yeah. It's you. [laughing]
Okay, now look at me.
There you go.
- [stylist] Coming in.
- [Guggenheim] Uh-oh.
Wha-- Guys, at a certain point it's just--
- it just is what it is.
- [stylist] Just right here.
[Guggenheim laughs]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How you doing?
- Yeah, I'm doing good.
Watch me.
- How's your day going so far?
- So far?
So far it's, uh-- it's successful.
[Guggenheim]
Everyone knows you have Parkinson's,
but when they see you walking,
they're like, "Oh, f*ck."
Yeah.
Good. Stop and reset.
Good. There we go.
[Fox] The walking thing
really freaks people out.
Oh, look.
[Fox] But I won't hide it from you.
- Hey.
- [pedestrian] Hey.
And you can do with it what you will.
If you pity me,
it's never gonna get to me.
I'm not pathetic.
I'm-- I got sh*t going on.
- [Fox] Hi, how you doing?
- [barking]
Take your time, take your time.
I'm a tough, uh, son of a bitch.
I'm a cockroach,
and I've been through a lot of stuff.
- [Guggenheim] You can't k*ll a cockroach.
- Can't k*ll a cockroach.
- Nice and slowly, nice and slowly.
- [Fox groans]
[therapist] There you go. Beautiful.
- Hey, how are you?
- [Fox] Good. How are you?
[therapist] Good. Stop and reset.
[pedestrian 2] Mr. Fox. [chuckles]
[Fox grunting] That happened.
[strains, grunts]
- [pedestrian 2] You got it?
- [Fox] All right-- I'm okay. Thank you.
[pedestrian 2]
Okay. Nice to meet you, sir.
Nice to meet you.
You knocked me off my feet.
[pedestrian 2 laughs]
[Guggenheim] Before Parkinson's,
what did it mean to be still?
I wouldn't know. [chuckles]
I wouldn't know. I was never still.
["A Life of Illusion" playing]
[Fox] I can't pretend to remember
my two-year-old state of mind.
Knee-high, weighing little more than
a wet beach towel, and slippery quick.
But it's likely that my motive
in wandering out the back door
was not to escape.
More likely,
I failed to recognize boundaries.
[ringing]
[Fox]
When the phone rang a few minutes later,
the proprietor of the candy store tried
to contain his amusement.
"Got your son here."
I can easily picture my mother
in utter disbelief that I'd bolted.
"Let him have a candy or something.
My husband will be right there
to pick him up and pay for it."
"Oh, he's got money."
"He's got quite a bit of money,
as a matter of fact."
As a kid,
I lacked the faith required to be still.
It is one of the great ironies in my life.
I couldn't be still
until I could literally...
no longer keep still.
When my baby sister arrived,
I wasn't jealous.
What the hell, the more the merrier.
But by the time I was six
and she was three, we were the same size.
I have a specific memory
of being asked if we were twins,
but once told that my twin
was actually three years younger,
people's reactions changed.
I realized that I was expected
to be bigger.
This was a new one on me.
I couldn't do "bigger."
I was the shortest in my class.
Shorter than any of the people
I played hockey with.
I was the guy who-- who'd climb down
into the grate and get the ball.
But I used to get my ass kicked.
I was a little guy.
I'd get stuffed in lockers.
If big guys are purposely coming
after you, and then f*cking hammering you...
But I'd always relied on my ability
to run from any potential bully.
Just when the earth seemed
to be sliding out from beneath me,
I stumbled onto a foothold.
Drama class.
That's where the girls were.
And I was Rumpelstiltskin in a play.
- [Guggenheim] You were Rumpelstiltskin?
- I was Rumpelstiltskin, yeah.
[Guggenheim laughs]
You also looked five years younger.
Yeah, I was just a little elf.
I was cute and elfin. I was a cute elf.
- [Guggenheim] A cute elf.
- [laughs]
[Guggenheim]
In drama class, you could be big.
In drama class, you could be anything.
But my head was up my ass
if you asked my father.
Dad was a pragmatist, determined to
protect his family from romantic fantasy.
He'd had dreams as a young boy, but they'd
been effectively knocked out of him.
[Fox] He had a certain amount of rage.
You'd see his lip curl,
and you knew you were in trouble.
Then you'd go, "Oh, sh*t. I'm f*cked now."
[Fox] A call from the principal's office
meant a harsh reprimand from Dad.
And he'd say, "g*dd*mn it! g*dd*mn it."
I began to spend more
of my time smoking and drinking.
And I became a serial fender bender...
inflicting damage to my dad's cars.
[Guggenheim]
So, in his mind, you're a fuckup.
Yeah, a poten-potential fuckup.
Hey. Looking good.
These shoes are terrific.
Now I got a fighting chance.
[Fox] When I was 16,
my acting teacher
thrust a newspaper into my hands.
"They're looking for a bright
12-year-old kid,
and hell, you'd be the brightest
12-year-old kid they're ever gonna meet."
But I'm gonna blow it, Leo.
All those people looking at me.
[audience laughing]
We're ready for you in Makeup.
- [sighs]
- You're gonna make history, kid.
Gotta grow an inch by Friday.
[Fox] I got the part. It was that easy.
Basketball tryouts?
No. Penny Montgomery.
If I stand real close,
I can't see her face.
[Fox] The casting director believed
I held an advantage.
American producers would be eager
to hire an actor
who looked young enough to play a kid.
But that meant moving to Hollywood
and dropping out of high school.
And that seemed inconceivable.
Dad,
"Are you sure this is what you wanna do?"
Me, "Absolutely."
"You're that confident?"
"Absolutely."
["This Is It" playing]
[Fox] And then Dad shocked me.
"Well, if you're gonna be a lumberjack,
you might as well go
to the g*dd*mn forest."
[Guggenheim]
So, secretly, he believed in you.
Yeah.
Dad agreed to underwrite the adventure,
putting the whole trip on his Visa card.
[Fox] I remember thinking just how far Dad
and I had come over the past few weeks.
He advised me that he'd just drive
to the appointments
and debrief me after each one.
His way of signaling to me
that this was my show, not his.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
No, that's perfect.
[Fox] Every audition earned a callback,
and three of the callbacks produced
solid offers.
"You've got the world by the tail,"
Dad said. "Just hold on."
My studio apartment was
in the slums of Beverly Hills.
[Carrie] It's the prettiest house
I ever seen in my life.
Well, I was just thinking I'm glad
you came home with me.
[Fox] The apartment was 17-by-12 feet.
One mattress, one hot plate,
with a microscopic bathroom
and the domicile's one and only sink.
I washed my hair with Palmolive
and my dishes with Head & Shoulders.
I-I really had a great time tonight.
[Fox] I enlisted Ronald McDonald
as my exclusive nutritionist.
- We alone?
- Alone?
I mean, is your husband lurking about?
[Fox] But by the spring of 1982...
[doctor] Schweitzer.
...the scenario was grim.
What's going on here? What is this?
Please relax, Mr. Wyatt.
I'm going to examine your chest.
- Hey, is this a joke or something?
- Uh, hi.
[Fox] I continued to pick up acting jobs,
but they barely earned me enough
to live on.
My agent took 10% of my paycheck.
Your paycheck.
[Fox] And then there was the photographer,
publicist or lawyer.
- It says "$1.25."
- Yeah, so?
I'm telling you it's wrong.
It's a mistake!
[pants] I worked hard for this.
[sobs] It's not fair.
I worked too hard for this.
[Fox] I began to liquidate.
I sold off my sectional sofa
section by section.
I came close on a couple of movies.
Most notably, Ordinary People.
But Robert Redford seemed less than
impressed by my reading.
He spent the audition flossing his teeth.
Why did they have to come here
in the first place?
[Fox]
The rejection can be so matter-of-fact
that there's a danger
you'll get numbed by it.
[W.D.] Don't listen to those that
don't know what they're talking about.
[Fox] I was down to days.
[Guggenheim] So, you're running out of
money. That's all that--
I wa-- "Running out" is--
is generous. I had no-- I had no money.
- I was taking jam packets from IHOPs.
- [Guggenheim] What's that?
- Like-- Like, just-- Smucker's.
- [Guggenheim] Why?
- Why?
- To e-- To eat.
- [Guggenheim] Come on.
- And I-- I wa--
I was finding quarters
and nickels and dimes,
and I'd use that to get to the next
moment. I was living b*at to b*at.
And I said, "I-- I gotta get
out of here. I have no money,
and I owe the IRS money, and I-- I'm
ducking the landlord, and I got no phone."
I mea-- I mean,
I have to walk to the airport.
- [Guggenheim] What was the expectation?
- Uh, I-- My expectation was,
my brother's
a construction superintendent,
and I'd be working on his sites
picking up nails.
But I still had a chip and a chair.
[Guggenheim] A what?
Playing poker, as long as you got
a chip left and a chair to sit in,
you're in the game.
You got a chip and a chair.
This was it. This was my last sh*t.
[Fox] "You gotta stop hawking me
about this kid,"
producer Gary David Goldberg told
the casting director of his new sitcom.
[Goldberg] We don't wanna get into an
area where we're bringing someone on
who's not funny. You know, and there's
not-- not any comedy there.
[Fox] "There's no way
I'm gonna change my mind on this.
He's just not our guy."
I think we all feel
that Alex is super competent,
you know, editor of the paper,
but sympathetic underneath.
[Fox]
"I know what I want, and I'm telling you,
I don't want Michael Fox
playing Alex Keaton."
No. I want this job. I need it.
I can do it.
Everywhere I've been,
there's always been something wrong.
Too young, too old, too short, too tall.
Whatever the exception is, I can fix it.
I can be older. I can be taller.
I can be anything.
[people chattering]
- [director 1] Here we go. Ready? In five.
- [director 2] Five, four, three, two!
[young Fox] Um. Uh-- Uh-- Wait, wait,
I'm sorry, my script just went to pieces.
- Where is it? sh*t.
- [assistant] Top of 11.
[young Fox]
"It's his first day of kindergarten, Mom.
He doesn't wanna be late.
This could affect his entire life."
[people laughing]
[young Fox] "Mal's right. After all, this
is my alma mater. I am a legend there."
And-- And they laughed. And I just went--
It was just, like... a wash of-- of-- of,
like, "Wow."
- [young Fox] "Oh, I got one too."
- [people laughing]
There's no drink, there's no drug,
there's no woman, there's no-- nothing
that can touch that moment for me
as a 22-year-old guy
who'd been fighting for three years
to-- to make it.
[young Fox]
"Aha! Good, good, good, good, good."
[laughing]
Laughter is--
You can't-- You can't help it.
I-- Like, I just found something,
a way to communicate with you that
you didn't expect, you have no--
you have no answer for it,
except to-- except to make a noise.
- [young Fox] "...kidding me? Come"--
- [people laughing]
If you didn't have any, you'd have
to let air out. It's really honest.
Gary David Goldberg leaned back
in his chair and said,
"Why didn't anybody tell me
about this kid?"
Great.
[Fox] I was standing at a pay phone
outside of a Pioneer Chicken franchise.
While my agent was talking
about a seven-figure salary,
I stared at the menu wishing I had
$1.99 to buy the buffalo wings.
The contract could not be officially
locked in, however,
as the NBC executive wunderkind
head of programming, Brandon Tartikoff,
was absolutely against giving me
the role of Alex Keaton.
This guy is very proficient,
and he hits the comedy, but, um,
I don't think we're talking about somebody
who's gonna be on a lunch box.
[Fox] It would be a relatively simple
matter for me to be fired and replaced.
The argument raged on right up to the day
we began sh**ting the pilot.
- [crew member 1 speaking indistinctly]
- [applause]
So, welcome to Family Ties, everybody.
Andy, we ready to go?
[Fox] Whatever happened in the next hour
was gonna decide my fate.
[crew member 2]
The guys will bring down the house lights.
Whoa.
Start your VTRs, please.
Start your machines.
[crew member 3]
Okay, Paul, you got the first sh*t.
- [Paul] Have a good show, everyone.
- [crew member 4] Three, two...
[director 1]
Here we go. We're ready. And action. Go.
- [phone rings]
- [gasps, squeals]
Hello. May I tell him who's calling?
Kimberly Blanton.
- Kimberly. [sighs]
- Oh, I'm sorry...
[Fox] From the moment I ad-libbed
the initial P...
- Alex P. Keaton here.
- [audience laughing]
...I felt as though the audience
was aware of my desperate days
leading up to that moment.
Hi. Sorry I had to answer the door myself.
Our butler's off tonight.
[audience laughing]
If Kimberly doesn't like your family
for who they are,
then maybe she isn't worth caring
about at all, don't you think?
Are you gonna wear your hair like that,
or are you gonna put it up?
[crew member 5] Michael J. Fox!
[young Fox] Whoa, whoa. This is working.
I just knew at that moment, like...
[sighs] ...it was all gonna come true.
Mom, what are you doing?
[announcer 2] The situation comedy
was supposed to focus on the parents.
No bananas, Ma.
[audience laughs]
[announcer 2] Instead,
America fell in love with their son.
Play towards Michael. That'd help her.
And here on out to play towards Michael.
- Okay, he'll be fine.
- [director 2 laughs]
[announcer 2] His performance is so good.
Watching him, you are struck
by his exquisite sense of timing.
I find a sense of humor in a man
to be incredibly sexually exciting.
- A priest and a rabbi are in a room.
- [audience laughing]
[interviewer 1] When did you discover
that you liked to make people laugh?
[young Fox]
When I was growing up, I was a small kid.
It was either, you know,
funny or fight, so...
The idea is always
if you can make the big guy laugh
before you can make him mad at you...
[stammers] ...it's a safer way to go.
- [director 2] Cue.
- Alex, come on, admit it.
You're really special.
- All right. I--
- [audience laughing]
I don't wanna get in an argument
about this.
[audience laughing]
Mr. Fox, uh, sent me this, uh, lunch box.
Affectionately signed, "Brandon,
love and kisses, Michael J. Fox."
[cheering]
[Guggenheim] When I'm with you,
I can see in your eyes
that you've got a great one-liner and that
it's hard to get that to your mouth.
I-- It just sucks.
It's-- It's really hard.
When-- When-- When I'm really
in need of dopamine and--
at the end of a dose--
I'm getting close to that now.
Um, I get frozen and I--
Frozen physically and frozen facially.
It's a mask. I have a--
a parkinsonian mask.
I-- Just,
I have to-- I have to really work--
to struggle to-- to smile,
to show expression.
[smacks lips] It gives-- It gives me a--
a kind of blank countenance.
[Guggenheim]
If you were having pure exhilaration,
- what would your face look like?
- Like this. [sighs]
[Guggenheim]
This is what you did for a living.
Yeah.
[Fox vocalizing]
[Dr. Bressman] And stop.
[vocalizing stops]
[Dr. Bressman] Okay. You feel warmed up?
Is it making you light-headed?
- [laughs] It's ma-- making me crazy.
- [Dr. Bressman laughs]
Okay, we're gonna do some pages
from your book.
Okay.
"After my dad retired from the Army..."
Little straighter.
[Guggenheim] Why do you wanna tell
this story right now?
[sighs]
"As a kid, many things seemed
to come easily to me.
I'd read a big picture book
cover to cover..."
[Fox] My world is getting smaller.
I love my mind,
and I love the place it takes me,
and I-- and I just don't want that
to get cut short.
"As a kid, many things seemed
to come easily to me..."
[Guggenheim] Is there gonna be a moment--
maybe it's 20 years from now--
where you can't tell your story?
Well, if I'm here 20 years from now,
I'll be-- I'd either be cured
or, like, a pickle.
"I had to eat my lunch through a s--
I had to eat my lunch through a straw"...
[slurping]
..."with several layers
of form-fitted rubber foam
studded with yak hair affixed on my face."
That's actually really, like--
- [Guggenheim] Who wrote that stuff?
- Some assh*le.
- [Dr. Bressman chuckles]
- [chuckles]
[Fox] It was a low-budget B movie.
But down the street were professionals.
What were those guys doing?
They're with the new Zemeckis
and Spielberg movie. Who's in it?
Crispin Glover.
Ouch.
It stung a little bit that Crazy Crispin
was gonna do a Spielberg movie
- while I--
- [shutter clicks]
Thrown away on some B-grade
high school werewolf movie.
[Fox]
A day or two after our Christmas break,
Gary David Goldberg had summoned me
into his office.
"I have a confession to make," Gary began.
"Just before the start of the season,
Steven sent me a copy of this script."
Whenever Gary said "Steven,"
I knew he meant Spielberg.
"Steven had wanted you for the lead role.
They came to me asking if there was
any way I could let you outta the show.
I didn't mention it to you then,
because it was just impossible.
[sighs]
They started sh**ting
a couple of months ago with Eric Stoltz,
but they don't think he's the right fit
for the role.
It's gonna be expensive,
but they wanna reshoot all of his stuff."
[Fox] My head was spinning.
Anything else?
[Fox] "You're not gonna miss
an hour of work on the show."
The deal was made.
A Teamster driver would pick me up
at 9:30 a.m.
and take me to Paramount...
where I would spend
the day sh**ting Family Ties.
Hi, how you doing?
You think you can handle both jobs?
[audience laughing]
[horn honks]
- That's for me.
- [audience laughing]
[Fox] Then at 6:00, another Teamster
driver would pick me up and shuttle me
to whatever far-flung location
we were based at that evening.
[director] Action!
Wait a minute, Doc.
Uh, are you telling me that you built
a time machine... [panting]
...out of a DeLorean?
[Fox] I would work on the film
until just before sunrise.
[beeping]
[Fox] At that point, I'd climb
into the back of a production van
with a pillow and a blanket
and yet another Teamster driver
would take me home again.
I catch two or three hours of sleep...
[alarm bell ringing]
...before Teamster driver number one
would reappear at my apartment,
let himself in with a key I provided,
brew a pot of coffee,
turn on the shower.
And then start
the whole process all over again.
Oh, hello, hello!
- [Elyse] Alex, you're an hour late.
- [Alex] Yes?
[Mr. Adler] So, how's your new job, Alex?
- Oh, it's great. It's, um, really great.
- [horn honks]
Oh, that's my ride.
I gotta be in early today.
- [crew member] Mark.
- Action!
Okay, guys and dolls!
[Fox]
For the next three-and-a-half months,
the combination of Back to the Future
and Family Ties swallowed me whole.
Take 22.
[Fox] I experienced confusion
as to what set I was on...
[sighs]
...and basically who I was
in the first place.
You've worked every afternoon
and evening for the past two weeks.
[alarm bell rings]
[alarm bell rings]
[Fox]
How could any of this sh*t be any good?
- How you doing today?
- [Guggenheim] I'm good. How are you?
Good. Tired.
- [Guggenheim] What happened here?
- I smashed my head.
I was walking really fast,
and I fell into this piece of furniture.
I-- I didn't hit the furniture the way
I usually do, and I hit it with my face.
And I-- For a second,
I was lying on the ground,
and I said, "I think I f*cked
myself." [chuckles]
And then I started to, um, bruise,
and my eyes went black. My-- [stammers]
This eye went really black.
And then they did X-rays,
and they said that "You broke all
the bones in your cheek and your eye."
And they did surgery and went in
and fixed it and put pins in it.
I had pins here and here.
- Here. Yeah.
- [Guggenheim] You had pins in there?
So, yeah. So, I smashed my face up,
but I do that.
Like, I do, like-- It's part of the...
[smacks lips] ...deal is that I fall.
- It's the real deal.
- Parkinson's and gravity are real.
[chuckles] Yeah, gravity is real. Even if
you're only falling from my-- my height.
- [Guggenheim laughing]
- [chuckles]
Okay, we're back to business.
The story of me, take two.
[phone ringing]
[young Fox groans] Jesus, my head.
Where the hell am I?
Hello?
"Mike, we just saw the movie."
[young Fox] What movie?
"Your movie. Back to the Future."
[Fox] The person calling me was my agent.
[young Fox]
I'm sorry, Pete. I know I suck.
[Fox] If this was the beginning
of the end, it had been a hell of a ride.
I'm Roger Ebert,
film critic of the Chicago Sun-Times.
And I'm Gene Siskel,
film critic of the Chicago Tribune.
[Siskel] First, Back to the Future.
A time travel movie, a category I hate,
because you're never really gonna change
things when they go back in the past,
because that would mean that the future
that we saw at the beginning of the film
would've had to have been a lie, right?
But, Back to the Future managed
to b*at that problem,
and it delighted me in so doing.
This is my favorite film
of the summer movie season.
And Michael J. Fox gives
an absolutely winning performance.
[Fox] The ride, it turned out,
was only beginning.
["Welcome to the Jungle" playing]
[interviewer] How are you doing
with the early word on this movie?
The early word is "spectacular."
- [stammers] Kind of frightening, yes.
- Scary. Yeah, it's really scary.
[people cheering, chattering]
- Will you be the same guy?
- Yeah.
- [interviewer] Will you handle it well?
- Yeah.
[Fox] There's a newsstand
in my old Studio City neighborhood.
Every now and then, I'd stop by.
No, I wasn't checking out Hustler
or Juggs,
but surveying the versions
of myself on display.
GQ. US. People. Rolling Stone.
Playgirl. TigerBeat. TV Guide.
Variety. McCall's. The Star. The Globe.
Seventeen, 16, Mad, Cracked,
and on and on.
Everywhere I looked,
I saw my image reflected back at me.
None of them was a true representation
of my real self...
Whoever that was.
Here is as hot as you get in the history
of this business. Here is Michael J. Fox.
[audience cheering]
Michael J. Fox!
Michael J. Fox is with us tonight. Yeah!
Doesn't that make you just feel fabulous?
That's great. It cost a lot to fly
my whole family down here, but I'm glad--
[audience laughs, applauds]
[talk show host 1]
First of all, congratulations.
Back to the Future is still number one
at the box office.
But it's gonna get some
new competition this weekend
from another Michael J. Fox movie.
Is it gonna give it a run for its money?
I don't know.
[talk show host 2] The popularity
of Michael J. Fox is a phenomenon.
[audience cheering]
Well,
you're just gonna have to tell Spielberg,
I'm not prepared to make that commitment.
[interviewer 3]
What is the secret of your success?
This is my--
Uh, I can't believe I was about to say
acting is my life.
[interviewer 3 laughs]
TV's Emmy Awards were handed out,
and the winners are...
- [screams]
- [people cheering]
I don't believe this! Great!
- I feel four feet tall.
- [audience laughs]
And I always see your name
with "adorable" in front of it.
Now, does this get a little annoying
after a while?
Yeah, well, I-- My mom writes
for these magazines.
- [Leno] Oh, is that right?
- [audience laughing]
I think Michael Fox is cute.
I think Michael Fox is really cute.
And I'd go out with him anytime. [laughs]
[Fox] Don't get me wrong.
I had a really, really good time.
- Who are you sleeping with?
- Who are you sleeping with?
- [stammers] Um...
- [audience laughing]
I wasn't gonna ask you. It's Shelley.
I was gonna go right back to--
But you did. [laughs]
- [Rivers] Because--
- [audience laughs]
I still don't get it.
I'm like-- [chuckles]
I mean, I still have no idea
what people see, but-- but--
I have a favorite beer.
I don't know if I can mention it,
but it's a Canadian beer, and it has
a certain antlered animal on the front.
[Fox] One morning, I peered out
the window to see a beer delivery truck.
"There's a lot more where this came
from," the delivery guy said.
I owned a Ferrari, a Range Rover,
a Jeep Cherokee,
a Mercedes 560 SL convertible.
The booze was free,
and I was usually the guest of honor.
I had a guy who pulled over my Ferrari
one time on the way to work.
And-- And the cop leans in, he goes,
"Mike, is that you?" And I say, "Yeah."
He said,
"This is a big, heavy car.
You gotta be careful."
I was going 90 down Ventura Boulevard
in a Ferrari.
And he said, "Love the show."
I said, "That's it?"
- So, five steps forward.
- Yeah.
If your left foot catches,
you stop and reset when you can.
I'm not gonna stop you,
but you stop when you can.
- [grunting] It's locking--
- Good.
- My knees are locking out.
- Good.
- Yeah, I can do this without--
- So, settle into this.
Bounce into it. Feel those heels. Turn.
Know that you're settled.
[Fox] There's that period of time
- that I was the king of the world.
- Good. Golf stance again, don't lock out.
And I was playing a part.
I was playing a-- I was playing a--
And then that--
that was worth feeling sorry for.
- [Fox grunting, groaning]
- How's Tracy?
- Married to me. Still. [grunts]
- [Orser laughs]
[Fox] With the life of a young celebrity
that gets a lot of fame really fast,
you don't know what's real.
People taking pictures of-- in my bushes
of me in the swimming pool.
Walking down the street with a hat on
and-- and glasses
and down and-- and hiding.
It's all bullshit.
It's not the real stuff.
- Big step right.
- No.
Big step right. Good. Golf stance again.
Good. This is the stuff
that we need to work on.
Slowing down your thought process, right?
- And this is the area that you need work.
- Yeah, I do.
- So, it's slowing down.
- Yeah.
Right? So, stand up, hit the golf stance.
In your heels.
- Are you there?
- Yeah.
Do that quarter step around the stool.
[Fox] Parkinson's was just a disaster.
But-- But, it-- it's so real.
When my arm would seize up
or my hand would twitch,
that's real. It's-- It's real.
Turn. Make sure you're settled.
Good. Make sure you're settled.
You can't walk and you--
you can't go to the bathroom.
I mean, that's-- that's real.
Slowly forward.
Beautiful. Awesome. I know you can do it.
- Oh, I can do it. That's the thing--
- Right?
That's the thing that kills me,
is just that-- that they're not--
- The instant lack of control.
- Right.
It's not like,
"I'm losing control, I'm losing control."
- It's like, boom! I'm flying--
- So, that's what we--
But that's what we always talk about is
that, your speed, because of who you are.
- I wanna get it done. Yeah.
- Just slow it down, slow it down.
Because you're athletic enough
to then have time to compensate
- for something that goes wrong.
- Yeah, why dash when you can flush?
Right. [laughs] See? That was even better.
Talking to you as a movie star
is different than talking to you as a TV--
Well, I-- I'm much--
I'm much more impressive now. [chuckles]
Well, you are. Has-- Has your life
changed because of this?
Not really. Not really.
- To Joan.
- To who?
Joan. J-O-A-N.
[interviewer]
Whether it's signing an autograph
or dashing off to your next interview,
it's all part of selling Michael J. Fox
and the movie.
His family must have
wondered how he'd turn out
when he dropped out of high school.
[parent] When we go down to visit him, we
try and spend our time with Michael and,
uh, we'll go with him to--
to any such events that he wants us to.
But, uh, no, we don't, uh-- [sniffs]
We don't get tied up in the show business
end of it all, really.
[interviewer]
In the backyard, he's just Mike Fox,
not the star,
Michael J. Fox people have come to know.
He says trips home from Los Angeles
help keep his feet on the ground.
They're not gonna let me get away
with being a-- a-- a jerk.
[director 1] Very quiet, please.
I guess you could say I've always wanted
to excel, even-- even as a small--
No, no. Ready. Count me down again
will you, Andy? I gotta get--
[Andy] Five, four, three, two.
I don't know, I guess you could say
I've always wanted to excel,
even as a small boy.
I mean, it-it wasn't the winning
that mattered to me...
it-it was the pure enjoyment
of the competition.
And I've always felt
that deep in my heart--
[foot stomps]
Totally losing momentum.
Can we just start from the top?
- [Andy] Absolutely. Absolutely.
- Trying to get a kick on this.
[Fox] On the set of Family Ties,
I was welcomed back like the prodigal son.
I was the star, after all.
[director 2]
Mikey, you're gonna do this now?
It just occurred to me,
it doesn't work over there.
Does this bother you?
- Does this screw you?
- [director 2] Uh, no, we just gotta redo,
- uh, more sh*ts.
- How many?
- [director 3] Thirty-eight.
[Fox] And while I would have never dreamed
of lording it over anyone,
the fact is, I could get away
with the most outrageous behavior.
And so, I'm just trying to understand,
and say if that's-- If, you know--
If-- If you have specific things
that-- that are wrong,
let me know because, at this point,
I'm confused.
[Fox] I was the "boy prince of Hollywood."
I was big. I was bigger than bubble gum.
You think it's made out of brick and rock,
but it's not.
It's made out of paper and feathers.
It's an illusion.
[audience laughing]
[whistles]
Yes?
Ah. Uh, Alex P. Keaton,
Sophomore Hospitality Committee.
- [audience laughs]
- Congratulations.
[sighs] Ah. No. Excuse me. Uh, do you mind
if I wait around here for a while?
Yeah, I suppose.
[Fox] That's when Tracy Pollan
came into my world.
Having trained in the New York theater,
Tracy brought a grounded quality
to the work.
[chewing noisily]
Put that down.
Can't you see I'm painting that?
[audience laughing]
[Fox] It was in stark contrast
to my "just go for the laugh" approach.
What do you call it? "Find the Apple"?
[chuckles]
I'd explain the concept
of abstract art to you,
but I have a feeling
I'd be wasting my time.
[talk show host]
You were not the typical casting choice.
You were not perky,
you were not a vacuous blonde,
- you weren't a wiseacre kind of--
- Right.
- kind of person. You agree?
- [sighs] I agree.
I was actually very surprised
to be cast on the show.
I didn't-- I don't know if I would
have cast me on the show. [chuckles]
- Why did they? What was it about you--
- Well, I think that, um--
that they wanted somebody who was
very different from--
from the character of Alex.
And, um... [smacks lips] ...I think that they,
I don't know, just saw something
different in me.
[Fox] One day we broke for lunch.
Women, life, death, art.
Places, please. Places for E.
Five, four, three...
[Fox] After lunch,
we picked up where we left off.
Here we go. Ready and action.
I, uh, I-- I got you something.
You did?
- They were having a sale on Picassos.
- [audience laughing]
So, I got you one.
This-- [laughs]
This was very sweet of you.
[Fox] The moment she said her first line,
I detected a hint of garlic
and sensed an opportunity
to have a little fun at her expense.
"Whoa, a little scampi for lunch, babe?"
At first, she said nothing.
Her expression didn't even change.
But looking me dead in the eye,
she said slowly,
"That was mean and rude, and you're
a complete and total f*cking assh*le."
- Oh, hi, Ellen. Hey, are you ready to go?
- Hi. Yeah, let's go.
Okay. [chuckles]
Yeah.
[Fox] Nobody talked to me that way.
This woman was completely unintimidated
by whoever I thought I was.
A pig is a pig no matter how many
hit movies he's just had.
[Guggenheim]
So, was she right? Were you a d*ck?
I-- I was-- I was a bit of a d*ck.
She was joking, but I didn't get it,
because no one would ever joke
with me like that.
I was not the butt of any jokes.
And she just went,
"I'm gonna poke through that and get--
You're-- You're-- You're
a scared little kid under this sh*t,
and then I'll just--
I'll just call you out."
In-- In that moment,
I fell in love with her.
All right.
- Let me just, uh, um, right, uh, just--
- [breathing heavily]
Right.
["Strange Magic" playing]
All right, okay, not bad.
Just, uh, okay. [stammers]
All right, okay, yep. All right. Give me--
Okay.
There we go. Gently, gently.
[inhales sharply] Ah.
Piece of cake.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
Alex, I've never met anybody like you.
I mean, it's like you have a way of seeing
right through me. [breathes heavily]
I'm seeing a part of me that I-I-I don't--
I don't even like to admit exists,
and that scares me.
[Fox] Then Tracy got a part in a film
I was about to sh**t in Manhattan.
[Vicky laughing]
[Fox] We'd hang out on the set together.
So, tell me about your job.
I guess I'm supposed to be
pretty impressed, huh?
Uh, don't be.
[Fox] She had a front-row seat
to view the whirlwind my life had become.
Tracy appreciated the toll it was taking.
The mistake would be to lose myself
in the middle of the party
that was now my life.
- You have my number, right?
- Right.
You should call me.
Yeah, I'd like to.
- [Alex] I love you.
- [Ellen] I love you too.
[Alex sighs]
Well... [sighs] ...we love each other.
W-W-W-We said it, we know it.
I mean, that's all that's important.
It doesn't matter what happens now.
What happens now?
- Look at this.
- [Guggenheim] Hold it up.
It's funny you say-- It said,
signed to Norm or Fred or something.
Um. Yeah, I got it at, uh,
um, the Strand bookstore for a dollar.
[Guggenheim laughs]
Once we got together, I just--
I was the most in love person. I still am.
You need to answer. There's, like,
so many texts that you need to answer.
- Yeah.
- You need to respond to that.
[laughs]
And you need to resp-- Wait.
It gets better. [mumbles]
This is four texts from Aquinnah
that you haven't responded to.
I know, I tried to do it last night.
- So just respond to that...
- Yeah. [mumbles]
"Haven't seen you in a few days,
- love you and miss you."
- And I can't wait to see you.
- "Can't wait to see you."
- Let me see.
Can't wait to see you.
Um. The beach awaits you.
Okay.
- "The beach awaits you"? No.
- Or something to that effect.
Wait-- Waiting for you on the beach.
I can't wait to get on the beach with--
can't wait to hang out
on the beach with you.
Can't wait to hang out at the beach
with you.
[both chuckle]
[Guggenheim]
Describe this human being to me.
[grunts] Clarity.
- "Can't wait to see you. Love you."
- Uh, love you. That's it.
[laughing]
[laughs]
[Guggenheim]
I get a sense that she's no bullshit.
No, no, no. [chuckles] No bullshit.
Who she is is just so locked in
'cause it's so honest.
I could be the king of England
and she would be her.
I could be-- I could be, uh, Elvis
and she would be her.
You know what, you could put
a little bit of this in there.
- Okay, mush it now. I'll hold the bowl.
- It's really hard.
- It's kind of hurting my hand.
- I can't even hold the bowl.
[sucks teeth, laughing]
[Fox] When I'm with my family,
there's no sentimental line with them.
There's no "Poor baby. Oh... [stammers]
...I feel your pain, I feel so bad for you.
You're a saint among men, and, uh"--
That would be the worst thing
they could do to me.
- Wait. Can I just tell you--
- What?
I was just having a conversation.
If you look through his phone,
it's just, like, a million texts
that are never answered.
[chuckling] Yeah, it's just me,
like, a bunch of times, like--
- Asking questions?
- Every two weeks, I-- No.
I'm just like, "Are you okay?
Like, sending so much love. Heart, heart."
- And then no response. And then--
- And no response.
But then about a week after, like,
one of my, like,
"Love you so much, hope you're okay."
It's this, like, really nice,
but just so random,
he said, "I hope you are happy
with all your decisions."
[all laughing]
[Esm] Okay, thanks.
- [Pollan] It's good. Natural.
- You're a natural, Pops.
- [Fox] What are you doing?
- You should think about
doing this for a job.
You know, you just turned into
a fortune cookie. [chuckles]
When I answer, I go to a simple,
"Hey, I love you too. Thinking about you.
How's it going?"
- [Pollan] But you don't say it.
- I know, because it comes out--
- it comes out... [speaking gibberish]
- [Pollan] You know, also-- [laughing]
And then I go in and I'm, like--
So then I think,
"Well, this isn't working out.
I'll do the-- push the buttons."
- Then I get some website in China.
- [Sam] Yeah.
[Pollan, Esm laughing]
[Fox]
Pregnant one month after the wedding,
Tracy found herself with a husband...
[director 3] Action!
Michael! [speaks indistinctly]
[Fox] ...who, when he wasn't away on a job,
was little more than
a narcoleptic Lamaze partner.
[director 4] Michael.
[music playing through baby mobile]
[young Fox] This kid loves these horses.
[laughs]
A vicious ride.
[vocalizing]
[interviewer 5] How's the family?
Give me the whole report of how--
- how being a dad is.
- Being a dad is great.
I'm sure that, you know, all the dads
out there know it's real cool.
He's-- My son is, uh-- O-Our son.
Uh, boy, I didn't do half the work.
[interviewer 5] How are you doing
balancing the family and the work?
You're still pretty much a workaholic.
[people at event cheering, shouting]
Michael! Michael! Michael!
[Fox] The rush that was my life then,
meant my bride...
was wondering what in the hell
she'd gotten herself into.
[interviewer 6]
Tracy, did you miss Michael the last year?
Yeah. It's good to have him home again.
- She's got a tiny version of me at home.
- Yeah, I got a miniature version of him...
[Fox] Inside of a year,
an exquisitely talented, 20-something
actress had become a single mother...
It's about being content with who you are
and being content with your family
and, you know, loving yourself
and loving the people around you.
[cheering continues]
[Fox] ...while I was still free to work.
Here I was, sh**ting my fifth film
in less than three years.
But it was a sheltered, narrow existence.
He's a chickenshit, man.
[screaming]
[Fox] Fueled by fear and isolation.
[screaming]
[Fox] Actors don't become actors because
they're brimming with self-confidence.
Hey, good morning, Mr. Eastwood.
[Fox] An actor's burning ambition
is to spend as much time as possible
pretending to be somebody else.
I think you ain't nothing
but a gutless yellow turd!
[Fox] For those of us lucky or unstable
enough to become professional performers...
Who the hell do you think you are?
...the uncertainty about who we really are
only increases.
And you.
[Fox] Gnawing at you always...
[chuckles] You I don't know about.
...is the belief that you're a fake.
A phony.
- [grunting]
- I hate your movies.
- [shushing]
- [crying]
[interviewer] What is a typical,
if there is such a thing,
day in the life of
Michael and Tracy and Sam?
I get up and go to work,
I come home and everybody is asleep.
- [laughs] That's about it.
- [interviewer laughing]
[Fox] Dad hadn't been feeling well
for the last month or so.
[breathing shakily]
"My father had been rushed
to the hospital.
Dad hadn't been feeling well
for the last month or so.
His heart gave out first,
then his kidneys began to fail.
I couldn't know that day in 1990
that I was stepping across a threshold."
Sorry.
[grunts]
Stuff like that just hits you like a--
You're going through this stuff and you--
Something like that pops out
and you're so, like-- like--
like that's-- that's three sentences
and, like, 10,000 pounds of stuff.
[Guggenheim] What was the threshold?
Threshold was adulthood. Like, real sh*t.
Life.
[fluttering]
[Fox] For Christ's sake, Mike.
It's just your freaking finger.
But that was the problem.
It wasn't mine. It was somebody else's.
[MRI scanner whirring]
[Fox] The most paranoid fantasy I could
think of would not have prepared me
for the two words the neurologist
bludgeoned me with that day.
Parkinson's disease.
And I said,
"You know who you're talking to, right?
You know, I'm, like, not someone
who is supposed to get this."
[Fox] He handed me a pamphlet.
Which one had the incurable brain disease
was not clear, they both looked happy.
He said some more words like,
"progressive," "degenerative,"
"incurable."
He said, "You-- You-- You lose this--
You lose this game. You don't win this."
[siren wailing in distance]
I remember standing on the street looking
for... [stammers] ...an answer.
It's just-- I just-- [stammering]
My world blew up.
[Fox] I should have seen it coming,
the cosmic price I had to pay
for all my success.
I told Tracy the news.
"In sickness and in health,"
I remember her whispering.
[Dr. Bressman]
Now totally relax with the head.
Okay, that's good. Yeah.
Now, look at my finger. Open up.
Look over here.
Yeah. Up, up, up. That's good.
Go like this.
Oh, you're good. Excellent.
- Actually, that's very strong. Hold on.
- [Fox] I'm a strong man.
- [Dr. Bressman] You're a strong man.
- [Fox] Very strong. [chuckles]
So, you were getting dressed,
you were in a hurry,
you went smack into the headboard?
- [stutters] Headboard. Yeah.
- Okay.
[Dr. Bressman]
So, when did you dislocate the shoulder?
- Around the same time?
- Around the same time.
It all happened in the--
It was like a festival of self-abuse.
- You can do a tour of my house.
- [Dr. Bressman] Okay.
- It's almost all in the same spot.
- [Fox] What's it matter?
[Dr. Bressman] Okay, so squeeze my hand.
- How does that feel?
- [Fox] Feels all right.
I think we're gonna be fine.
- [Dr. Bressman] You're gonna be fine?
- Yeah.
They're not gonna have to
amputate anything or--
- No, no. My head.
- Okay. Good.
- Your head?
- My head, yeah.
- [Pollan chuckling]
- [chuckles]
[Dr. Bressman] Okay.
[Fox] Tracy's the smartest person I know.
She's learned to deal with a lot of stuff.
How frustrating it must be
to have to bear the burden
of something that isn't her burden.
It's my burden, but she shares it with me.
She not only shares it with me,
she takes on more than I take on.
So, you take the first round
while you're still in bed?
- No, out of bed.
- Out of bed. Okay.
- Sometimes Michael likes to hold that off...
- [Dr. Bressman] Yeah.
...if he's got something
that he needs to do.
He thinks if he waits,
it's gonna kick in stronger and better.
[Fox] Everything I go through,
she's gone through.
And then I have to try to figure out
how to make it work.
Like, I just have to feel it
and then-- and live it.
I can walk a little bit though. Like that.
[Fox] She has to make it work.
- I'm walking, honey.
- [Pollan] You are.
- Good job. [chuckles]
- [Fox chuckles] I know.
- Is that this way?
- [Dr. Bressman] Yeah.
Slow down a little. Okay.
[Fox] I clung to fantasies of escape.
That somehow my diagnosis
would turn out to be a mistake.
[Fox] I was in my late 20s.
How could I possibly
have this old person's disease?
Symptoms include muscular rigidity,
slowness and poverty of
movements and tremor,
diminished blinking, and reduced
spontaneity of facial expression.
I thought my diminished blinking and
reduced spontaneity of facial expression
marked a growing comfort
in front of the camera.
Less mugging, hamming it up.
No, you weren't getting better.
Just sicker.
What advice would you give to someone
that has the disease?
The main thing is, is to be truthful,
first, with yourself.
Here's Johnny.
[studio audience cheering, whistling]
[studio audience cheering, whistling]
[Carson speaking indistinctly]
[Fox] With no obvious cue, my left hand
would begin shaking uncontrollably.
Now, anyway, let's move.
We've got a great show tonight.
Mr. Michael J. Fox is with us.
[studio audience cheering, whistling]
[Fox]
I had my internist prescribe PD meds.
Sinemet is taken up by the brain
and changed into dopamine,
the neurotransmitter that a Parkinson's
patient can no longer produce
in sufficient quantities.
[Carson] Anyway,
I'm glad Michael Fox is here tonight.
He's a most-talented young man, and, uh--
[studio audience cheering, whistling]
[Carson] Would you welcome Michael J. Fox?
[studio audience cheering, whistling]
[Fox] Therapeutic value, even comfort,
none of these was the reason
I took these pills.
There was only one reason.
Yeah.
[Fox] To hide.
I carried the pills around
loose and broken
in the pockets of my shirts and trousers.
Like Halloween Smarties.
Parkinsonian tremor occurs
when the affected limb is at rest.
I was able to mask the trembling
by twiddling an object in my left hand.
Day after day, for hours on end.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh...
Sir, I-I can't hear you.
There's s-- There's some kind of
a-- a ruckus outside.
[stammers]
Um, can I-- can I call you back?
[Fox] I never gave a second's thought
to sharing my diagnosis with anyone.
I had work to do.
And I intended to pretend as if
none of this was actually happening to me.
[Daniel] You can't do this to people.
You can't l-- lie and fake and manipulate.
I won't accept that.
Just this once,
I'm gonna let you off with a warning.
[young Fox] I like guys that are a little
too smart for their own good. [stammers]
You know, master manipulators who think
they're manipulating everybody else,
but are, in a way,
kind of manipulating themselves
into a situation they can't control.
[Fox] I became a virtuoso
at manipulating drug intake...
so that I'd peak
at exactly the right time and place.
[imitates g*nsh*t]
[bowling audience cheers]
I need more pills.
[Guggenheim]
You wanna take a break? [stammers]
Well, I mean, I should've stopped
ten minutes ago 'cause I need more pills.
- It'll just take two minutes.
- [Guggenheim] Yeah, yeah.
You take the pill, then you're waiting.
And what does it feel like?
Like waiting-- I always say
waiting for a bus. Waiting for the bus.
People will say, "What are you doing?"
I say, "I'm waiting for the bus."
And they know what I mean.
Yeah, it's kicking in now. It's nice.
Today's a quick-quick--
Quick kick-in today.
I'm a little-- still a little mumble
mouth, but-- but, um-- but I feel good.
I feel... [exhales sharply] ...still.
[Guggenheim] So, you're still waiting
for the bus, or you're on the bus?
No, I'm on the bus.
I'm putting in-- money in the thing.
[Guggenheim chuckling]
It's a great release. It's just, like,
you pour into the form that is you.
That-That-That you--
It gets filled with-with-with you again.
[director 5] Rolling, rolling.
[crew member] Speed.
[Fox] My body ached.
[director 5] Playback.
[Fox] I had been contorting it
into intensely uncomfortable positions
in order to mask the tremors.
[crew member 2] Okay, marker.
[door opens]
[young Sam] Okay, play again.
- I see "R-E-C."
- [door closes]
Yeah, that's... [chuckles] ..."record."
[Fox] My appetite was nonexistent.
And I used that excuse
to avoid joining my family for dinner.
[Fox family speaking indistinctly,
chuckling]
[Fox] I thought that by thinking about
Parkinson's, I was hastening its arrival.
Instead, I drank to disassociate.
To escape my situation.
Parkinson's, it was hide-the-bottle time.
It was--
Like, I had bottles stashed in the garage,
and--
and-and I'd open two bottles of wine,
and Tracy would think we just drank one,
she didn't know I drank the other one.
[alarm ringing]
And I started to have a-- a margarita
before the last take.
Jack Daniel's, rocks, please.
[alarm ringing]
For Love or Money, with Michael J. Fox,
starts out great
and then gets all soft.
Regretfully though, thumbs-down.
With me, it isn't even a close call.
It's definitely thumbs-down.
And then things started to slip.
- [train whistle blows]
- [gasps]
[Ebert] Life with Mikey
doesn't tell much of a story.
I sat there wondering why Michael J. Fox
seemed to be without a clue
in a lot of his big scenes.
And here's another movie
that loses its way.
Greedy.
[Siskel]
Michael J. Fox fell for that old trap.
They wanna play characters
who are really likable.
- Why not play nasty?
- [Ebert] I agree. Yeah.
Make 'em hateful. People love you
when you play hateful characters.
- [grunts]
- Nicky!
It's crap, Angie. It's crap.
It's another big-budget, big-box-office,
in-one-end, out-the-other,
easy-to-flush piece of crap.
I was sullen and angry.
There was one thing in a store.
This guy stepped in front of me.
And I said,
"Excuse me. What am I, f*cking invisible?"
And he goes, "Yeah, you're invisible."
And I grabbed his shirt,
and I said, "f*ck you, man.
I'll take you outside
and take your head off."
And-And I said, "I'd love nothing more,
today, than-than to take your head off."
And he just backed off, and they all
went white and they walked out.
I said, "I can be that guy."
I didn't know what was happening.
I didn't know what was coming.
So, what if I could just
have four glasses of wine
and a-- [stammers] and-and m-maybe a sh*t?
- [Guggenheim] So, were you an alcoholic?
- Yeah, I was definitely an alcoholic.
But I've gone 30 years
without having a drink.
[Guggenheim]
What is the core of that behavior?
The core of that behavior is fear.
[Fox] There was an urgency, an edge,
to that night's partying.
We were on our third pitcher of margaritas
by the time the director called "Wrap."
[young Fox groaning]
Oh, God.
[Fox] I saw feet. Tracy's feet.
The feet had on shoes.
sh*t. What time was it?
I found no expression of rage.
She was meeting my sorry state
with indifference.
"Is this what you want?" she said.
"This is what you wanna be?"
[people at event clamoring]
[photographer 1] Okay, Michael, Tracy,
turn your head, please.
[Fox]
I'd never been so frightened in my life.
[photographer 1] Tracy. Tracy! Tracy!
[photographer 2]
Tracy, Tracy! Tracy, Tracy! Tracy!
[Fox] The bathtub became my refuge.
Day after day, for hours at a time.
I just wanted to keep my head below water.
I needed to suffer.
I needed to go as low as I could go.
All I could hear
was the muted splash of my trembling hand.
But as low as alcohol had brought me,
abstinence would bring me lower.
[breathing heavily]
I could no longer escape myself.
My first few years of sobriety
were like a Kn*fe fight in a closet.
[Guggenheim] What's the Kn*fe?
The truth.
Truth. I wasn't facing things.
[Fox]
I just wanted to be out of the world.
And I wanted to be in another place,
doing another thing.
[screaming]
[Fox] I ran away and did movies
in other parts of the world.
Can't pretend at home
that you don't have Parkinson's...
because you're just there with it.
If I'm out in the world,
and I'm dealing with other people...
and they don't know I have it,
then I don't have it.
But Tracy was really having a hard time
and really was
getting to the end of her rope.
[baby babbling]
[Fox] Because now we had twins.
- [toy phone ringing]
- [toys beeping]
[baby whines]
[Fox] Aquinnah and Schuyler.
And I get back to my family.
Sam was... [stammers]
...happy I was home, but mad at me.
- [Pollan speaks indistinctly]
- Mom, I'm gonna try... [speaks indistinctly]
[young Fox] It's time.
[Fox] So, what do I do?
- Left turn.
- I think it's wobbling.
[young Fox] You got it though.
You got it, you got it. You own it.
You're on it. You're on it. Go, go, go.
Keep going. Go, go, go.
[Fox] I made up my mind.
[Fox] I was going home to television.
And I thought, "Yeah, there's nothing like
to walk out into-- into a set
and drop a line
and have them go f*cking crazy."
I just figured, since the Daily News
says we were seen eating dinner,
we might as well do it.
You know, the Post,
uh, says we're sleeping together.
[studio audience laughs]
- Did you get the last approval ratings?
- Right here, Mike.
[Fox] The reviews were terrific,
and ratings suggested long-term success.
Whee!
[Fox] With schedules that meshed perfectly
with the rhythms of my family.
Schuyler, walk to me.
[chuckles]
[studio audience laughs]
[Fox] And the situation was near perfect.
[Mike]
It's called "Spin." Power of persuasion.
Making people believe
what I want them to believe.
It's what I do. It is my gift.
You were amazing.
- Yeah, n-no problem.
- [sighs]
It was, uh--
It was fun pretending. [chuckles]
[studio audience laughs]
All right, the mayor prepared
to speak about the strike?
I worked on it all night, Mike.
All right, sir. We're, uh--
We're going on earlier than we thought.
[Fox] The stress with doing a weekly show
in front of a studio audience
was exacerbating my symptoms.
The whole of my left arm
would be tremoring,
forceful enough to shake my entire body.
It would just twist you. [grunts]
Then I'd lie on the floor
twisting and waiting,
and I'd have an audience outside
waiting for me to go do a scene.
[studio audience muttering]
[Fox] I could not only hear their--
their feet shuffling, I could feel them.
Please, join us.
[Fox] All the while, I was doing the math.
How long since the last pill?
How long until it wears off?
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
[Fox] If the warning came
when I was in the middle of
a four- to five-minute scene,
there wasn't anything I could do
to stave off the return of my symptoms.
Fred, Joe,
pleasure to see you guys, as always.
I was just thinking...
[studio audience laughing]
[Fox] And still,
no one outside of my family knew.
I'm living a lie.
[studio audience laughing]
Can't go on with this.
This has gotta stop.
[studio audience laughing]
You start to feel people looking at you,
staring, judging,
gazing into the very recesses
of your soul.
- [crew member 1] Yeah, speed.
- [crew member 2] Roll cameras.
[bell ringing]
[people speaking indistinctly on set]
We're ready, Michael.
- [crew member 3] Wait, how's that?
- [director] Good.
Here we go.
[thud]
To me, the worst thing is restraint,
and the worst thing is-- is to be confined
and-and not be able to have a way out.
And there were times when I went,
"There's no way out of this."
[thud]
[Fox] I'd spruce up the walls
with fist-sized holes.
[breathing heavily]
[breathing heavily]
You're only as sick as your secrets.
If you feel comfortable,
you can let go of the bar.
If you don't, try and keep the pressure
off that right hand.
Good. I'm here.
Good. Move your right foot
to the right a little bit.
- [breathes sharply]
- Even more. There you go.
[Guggenheim] So, what happened?
Let's see if you can stay here.
[Fox] I f*cking hurt myself again.
I tripped over a carpet,
and I broke my hand,
and I had pins put in my hand.
But the area around the pins got infected,
and then there was the option of
just taking my finger off.
And then I broke my arm.
And the people around me were going,
"You gotta be careful."
I said, "This has nothing to do with
being careful.
This is just, like-- This happens.
You have Parkinson's, you trip over sh*t,
and you fall down."
Try and lift your chest
just a little bit more.
There you go.
- Nice job. Do you--
- Don't put Mikey in a corner.
[Guggenheim] When I find you
talking about the shitty stuff,
I see you sort of get close to it
and then dart away.
[chuckles]
Care-- Careful with this right hand.
[Fox] Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Good. Have a seat.
- I'm okay.
- You want-- You sure?
- Yeah.
- This is where I can't use my-- [grunts]
- Right.
See, the-- the core is still there.
Those are obliques.
- Yeah.
- Right. How you feeling?
Okay.
[Guggenheim] I've interviewed you
for hours and hours and hours.
You've never told me once, "I'm in pain."
- I'm in pain.
- [Guggenheim] You are?
I'm in... [stammers] ...intense pain.
- [Orser] Five, four...
- [groans]
...three, two, one. And relax.
- [Fox] That's making it really hurt.
- [Orser] The shoulder? Here?
[Fox] Every-Every tremor is like--
is like a seismic j-jolt.
- [Orser] Do you wanna sit upright?
- Yeah, I do.
[Orser] Do you wanna sit in the chair?
- Anything but what I'm doing right now.
- [Orser] Okay.
[Guggenheim]
But why wouldn't you tell me--
- This is about us talking...
- Well, it didn't come up.
...and telling the truth.
Why wouldn't you tell me about your pain?
It didn't come up.
I'm not gonna lead with it. [chuckles]
Good. Don't plop.
No jolts. Good.
[Fox] I'm okay.
- I just wanna feel better.
- [Orser] Yeah.
And, uh, it seems to me I can--
I can see clearly--
more clearly the things I need to do
to feel better.
But it's this Michael J. Fox stuff.
People express to me
that I make them feel better,
I make them do things
they might not otherwise do.
And that's-that's the most powerful thing
you could ever feel,
and that's a huge responsibility.
- And I don't want to f*ck it up.
- Right.
It's okay not to be
Michael J. Fox sometimes.
[sighs]
[news presenter 1] Michael J. Fox
kept something very private.
Something about his health.
Now he's gone public with the fact
that he has Parkinson's disease.
[Brokaw] Michael J. Fox,
one of America's best-loved actors
has decided to publicly announce that
he's been battling Parkinson's disease.
[news presenter 2] ...shocked the
entertainment world when he announced
he has been battling Parkinson's disease.
[news presenter 3]
...and has had it for seven years.
[Walters] Michael,
all this week we have been hearing
that you have this devastating disease,
that it is life-threatening,
that you are in the fight for your life.
Do you feel relieved now?
[Fox] Oh, my God. What have I done?
[news presenter 4] What is his prognosis?
[news presenter 5] Within ten years,
he will have serious disabilities.
[news presenter 6]
Balance problems with frequent falls.
[news presenter 7] I think he's got
a tough road ahead of him.
[Walters] Are you at all concerned
that now audiences
will look at you differently?
[Fox] This will be my first time
in front of a studio audience
since I disclosed my diagnosis.
My fear was that they would reject me,
and that they would not understand it,
that because I was sick,
I couldn't be funny.
[studio audience chattering]
And I had to hope
that they could accept me.
- [crew member 1] We got speed.
- [director] Roll cameras.
- [crew member 2] Mark.
- And action.
We meet again, Mr. Bond.
There.
Deal with that, Bobo Fischer.
- I knew that.
- [studio audience laughs]
That's a bold move.
[studio audience laughs]
And I got this huge reaction.
You have chosen poorly.
[studio audience laughing]
Checkmate.
Like, that's love that can't help itself.
D-Do you feel like you have a 90-year-old...
[stammers] ...like, dad, or...
'Cause I don't feel like 90 years old,
but I-- Well, you sometimes get mad at me.
Like, you guys all say,
"Be careful, be careful."
I say that I'm being careful. Like,
what, do I set out to not be careful?
Nobody thinks your agenda
isn't to be careful.
It's that that maybe isn't--
[chuckles] The first thing--
[Sam] It's lower on the list of things
than it is for us.
- So-- [chuckles]
- [chuckling]
So I just have to make sure, you know?
And I'd rather--
It's great if you understand
what I'm saying,
but I'd rather you don't fall over.
- I-- I'm working on it.
- Yeah.
[Fox] I can look at myself, and I say,
"I have Parkinson's."
So, how do I wanna live with that?
But if I never get past the
"I have Parkinson's" part,
if I never get past the part
where I wake up in the morning
and I go, "Yeah, that's real.
That's-That's happening,"
then I can't get past it.
You know, this is the first time
that I've had a chance to talk with--
the first time you've been on the show
since you had your press conference
- and announced that you, uh...
- Right.
...have Parkinson's disease.
- And I just-- I-I think folks...
- Yeah.
...uh, well, you know--
How's it been going since?
What was the reaction
of that announcement?
Pretty much the same.
It didn't-didn't change.
- I still have it. So...
- Yeah? [chuckles]
[Fox] After all those years of
hiding my symptoms, I could let it go.
I suffer from a condition,
and it makes me do this,
and this, and... [exclaims]
- [jury chuckles]
- Uh-oh.
If you just look at me long enough,
you get used to it.
I realized I didn't have to--
to do anything other than be myself.
Sometimes when I take
a little bit too much medication,
I get that kind of swaying thing.
I do the kind of Axl Rose thing.
- [Letterman chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
So, if you see that, you know, just kind
of hum "Paradise City" in your mind.
[Letterman chuckles]
[Fox] I was still me, people recognized.
Just me plus Parkinson's.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What the hell?
- You want?
Did you shake that up on purpose?
Parkinson's.
[Fox] Some people would view the news of
my disease as an ending.
But I was starting to sense that
it was really a beginning.
[news presenter 8] Actor Michael J. Fox
testified before Congress,
asking for an increase in research funding
for Parkinson's disease.
"I'm here to tell you that administering
a successful research program
is not rocket science.
It's mostly common sense and the will
to get things done. Thank you."
[person] Good stuff, Michael.
[Fox]
I never actually said this to anybody,
but I always fantasized saying it.
"Yeah, you're bigger than me.
You'll b*at me up.
But I'll hit you once, and you'll hurt."
And I knew that moment.
[grunts]
[Brokaw] Muhammad Ali and
Michael J. Fox joining a chorus of voices
saying money is desperately needed.
I wanted to be in the world and-and not
take this and retreat from the world.
It made me realize
what I still have to give.
[people cheering]
Find it extremely moving--
no pun intended--
- to be here today and reach out...
- [audience laughs]
[news presenter 9] The Fox Foundation has
revolutionized scientific philanthropy,
mobilized the Parkinson's community
and raised nearly two billion dollars.
- [babbles]
- [babbles]
[Fox] I was ten years after my Parkinson's
diagnosis when Esm was born.
Hello, I... [babbles]
[Pollan]
Go see Daddy. Go give Daddy a kiss.
- [Aquinnah] Look at Dad.
- [Pollan] What's Daddy doing?
Look at Daddy, Esm.
[Fox] The kids are the best,
because kids will just say,
"Will you stop moving around?"
[studio audience laughing]
[Letterman chuckling]
I'm sure. [chuckling]
I-- I say, "I'll give it a sh*t, hon."
[Letterman chuckles]
[Fox family speaking indistinctly] Whoo!
- No.
- In love.
- No. [chuckles] They're... [chuckles]
- They're flying.
- They're dancing.
- [Pollan] Okay, good.
- Would you guys like to switch teams...
- But what--
...because we've been winning,
or do you wanna keep the same teams?
- I like the teams we're on, but...
- [chuckles]
- I'm tragic at this game.
- It's not her fault. It's my fault.
[Schuyler] But I was thinking-- Yeah.
Do you see it?
- Oh, yeah.
- You got it?
You.
- You got it already?
- [Pollan] Yeah.
I just had me.
It was me?
[Pollan] It was me, not you.
- He thinks it was "Michael J. Fox."
- [Schuyler chuckles]
[all laughing]
The thing about motion with me is,
I've always been moving,
and maybe that's because I'm small.
I've always been moving,
and I always counted on movement
to not only propel me from place to place,
but to express myself as I propelled
from place to place, and to be who I am.
But the thing that I learned
was that I couldn't be s-still in my life.
I couldn't be present in my life.
Until I found this--
this thing happened to me
that made me present
in every moment of my life,
because it was shaking me awake.
There you go.
[Fox, Pollan chuckle]
Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3