01x17 - Decorating

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

- [announcer] Anne

Jeffreys as Marion Kerby,

the ghostess with the mostest.

Robert Stirling as George Kerby,

that most sporty spirit.

And Leo G. Carroll, host

to said ghosts, as Topper.

- Oh, Mr Topper, did you

have a nice game, sir?

- Incredible.

Is Mrs Topper home?

- Yes sir, she's upstairs.

On the phone, I think, sir.

Make I make you a nice

hot cup of tea, sir?

- That will be very nice, Katie.

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- [Marion] Eight to five

you can't sink it, George.

- [George] Do it

with my eyes closed.

Marion, you cheated,

you moved the hole.

- [Marion] You cheated,

you had your eyes open.

- Stop it, both of you.

George, put that

pipe back in the bag.

Marion, pick up that ball.

- [Marion] You heard what

the man said, George,

put that away.

- [George] What harm am I doing?

- You seem to forget

that while only I can see

in here both of you,

your odd manifestations

are perfectly visible

to all and sundry.

I spend half my life explaining

away these phenomena.

In the bag!

- How'd you do that?

- Oh, just mind over matter.

A little practice, anyone can do it.

- Let me see you do it again.

- [George] Yeah, let's see.

- Well, not now Katie, I'm a little

exhausted after my golf,

and it's rather a strain

on my, um, my legerdemain.

[dog barks]

- He won't get up,

Topper, he loves it.

- He won't, won't he?

All right, I'll sit on him.

[dog whines]

[playful orchestral music]

- Are you comfortable, Mr

Topper, like that, I mean?

- Oh yes, form of yoga,

known as the lotus position.

Extremely relaxing, I can

sit like this all day.

- [Marion] Here, Neil.

[audience laughs]

- Doggone.

- Exactly.

- What's new, Topper?

- Aren't you going to thank us

for helping you out on

the golf course today?

- No, I am not.

They will probably throw me

out of the club thanks to you.

- Well, they can't throw

you out of the club

for nine birdies, two eagles

and three holes in one.

- But it just doesn't

look legitimate

for a man with a handicap.

- Well, personally I

wouldn't belong to a club

that was that suspicious.

- Now please, do go away and

let me rest and read in peace.

- He wants to rest in peace, George.

- So who's stopping him?

- Cosmo.

What's the matter, Cosmo,

isn't that sofa comfortable?

- Oh, perfectly, Henrietta.

It's just that I... I'm...

- It's his yogurt position, ma'am.

- [Henrietta] Yogurt?

- Mr Topper can sit like

that on his lotus all day.

Very relaxing, he says.

- Yes, of course, she means yoga.

- Thelma just phoned from downtown.

She's in the decorator's shop

and she wants our car key.

- Henrietta, I wish

you'd think twice

before you let Thelma

have the car again.

She's a pretty poor risk, you know.

- [Marion] She's been

arrested three times

for parking on the sidewalk!

- I think the poor

dear needs glasses,

she does charge about a good deal.

- Needs glasses?

She couldn't hit a bull in the

flank with a plate of spinach.

- She is clumsy and

terribly absent minded.

Well, I'll be off dear.

- Be home soon.

- All right, dear.

- Here, wait a minute,

I'll go with you.

I just love decorator's shops.

- [sighs] That Thelma.

She's easily the most

forgetful woman in the world.

- Next to Henrietta.

- What do you mean?

[George whistles]

- Wait, Henrietta, wait, the keys!

[lively orchestral music]

- [metal clinks]

- [Mr. Charles on the phone]

- What do you mean, you're going

to repossess the furniture?

The check was most

definitely sent out.

Might have been lost in the mail.

Now you listen, you

cheat me on that -piece

modern drawing room suite,

and I paid for that.

Don't you thr*aten me

with a finance company!

- Oh, Mr. Charles, thanks so much

for letting me use the telephone.

- Was it a local caller?

- Oh yes, yes. Thank you.

- Please Miss Gibney,

look where you're going!

- Oh, I was just admiring

your lovely furniture!

- Well perhaps you'd

better just stay clear.

- Oh, I'll be all right in a minute.

- Ooh!

I came as quickly as I could.

- [Marion] It's just me,

I was looking at a

chair in the window.

- That's odd.

- [Marion] I know it's odd,

- but I thought maybe

Neil would like it.

- Mr. Charles, this is

Henrietta, Mrs. Topper.

This is Mr. Charles, Mrs.

Topper, Henrietta, I mean.

- Mrs Cosmo Topper,

the wife of the banker.

- You know my husband?

- Only by reputation.

- [Marion] I think it looks

better from this angle.

- Excuse me.

[laughs]

- [Marion] Especially

when Thelma's around.

- Your friend was just

admiring my furniture.

Such good taste.

- Oh, thank you.

- Is everything all right?

Accidents will happen.

Mrs Topper, your house has

been pointed out to me.

It's charming.

- Why, thank you!

- [Mr Charles] I suppose

the interior is modern.

- No, I'm afraid...

- So many people are

afraid of the modern,

it requires extremely refined taste.

- Oh don't misunderstand me,

I do like it, it's quite nice.

I think we'd best be going, Thelma.

- Just a minute, Miss Gibney.

You have given me the

most wonderful idea.

Mrs Topper, look at that.

- [Henrietta] It's

a fishnet, isn't it?

- Gloves and net, Mrs Topper!

Oh Miss Gibney, you have the

instinctive sense of design.

- Oh but I didn't mean to do--

- How would you

like to work for me?

- What a wonderful idea!

Oh, she'd be a brilliant

decorator, she has such good taste.

- I need an assistant.

Please, would you try

it for a few days?

- Oh, I'd just love to, Mr

Charles, thank you so much.

I'm sure I could add a

new touch here and there.

- Oh, what an interesting

touch, uniquely brilliant!

[chuckles nervously]

- Goodbye, Mr Charles!

- Goodbye!

- [Marion] Okay,

okay, I'll go quietly.

- The payment company,

they will stop at nothing.

[audience laughs]

- [Henrietta] Cosmo, I'm home!

- Nice to hear you, dear.

- And I've brought a visitor.

- How much did that cost?

- Cosmo, look at me.

- [chuckles] You

haven't changed a bit.

Oh, hello Thelma.

- This is Mr Charles, Cosmo.

- Oh.

- Don't get up, Mr Topper.

- Exercise will do me good.

- Mr. Charles is an

interior decorator.

- Thelma's going to work for him.

I've brought him to see our house.

He's heard so much about it.

- Oh, he has?

- Isn't it lovely, Mr Charles?

- Quite, yes.

No, no, Mrs Topper, this

is definitely not you.

- No, my wife has two legs.

- What I meant, Mr Topper,

is your wife strikes me

as being more modern, more

forward looking, up to date.

Not quite so antique.

- No, she's remarkably

well preserved.

- No Mrs.

Topper, no, this is not you.

- Must be somebody,

perhaps it's me.

- Thelma, why don't you

show Mr Charles the grounds?

- Oh, I'd love to,

this way, Mr Charles.

- I once saw a -piece

modern drawing room suite,

oh it would look just

beautiful in here.

- Cosmo, I want you to

be nice to Mr. Charles.

I like him and Thelma likes him.

- Well, that makes it three to one.

- What?

- Well, you like him,

Thelma likes him,

he certainly likes himself.

- Mr. Charles is a

very cultured man,

and furthermore, I'm

not so sure he's wrong.

This room isn't really me.

[playful orchestral music]

- Who's the guy with Thelma?

- That's Mr Charles, he's

an interior decorator.

- Then what's he doing outside?

- Well, Thelma's

going to work for him

and Henrietta's going to help her,

and I'm going to help Henrietta.

- What, you too?

- Mm-hmm. You know, I may

do over this whole house.

- George, I don't trust

this Charles fella.

- What's the pits, chief?

- Oh, the usual thing,

smooth talker, good salesman.

Probably gets Henrietta and Thelma

to bring in rich customers

then fleeces them.

I'd be awfully glad if you'd

keep an eye on him for me.

- Is this an assignment, chief?

- I wouldn't do more than

is absolutely necessary.

- Chief, have I ever failed you?

- Miserably, and constantly!

- Well, you can't hit

a bulls-eye every time.

Come on, Neil, we'll

decorate our interiors

with a couple of martinis,

then we'll check on

this interior decorator.

- George, the first

thing I'm going to do

is change that window.

- What's the matter,

don't you like glass?

- No, I mean the inside, it

needs more things inside.

- I kinda like it the way it is.

It's powerful and stark.

[suspenseful music]

- A customer!

- He must have changed his mind.

- He must have changed

it awfully fast.

- Mr Charles doesn't seem

to have many customers.

- Brother, is this guy in hot!

- Take this net, dear.

I want you to help me fix the window

before Mr Charles

comes back from lunch.

- Fix the window?

- I'm going to make it

look like a drawing room.

- For what, flounders?

[audience laughs]

[bright orchestral music]

- [Henrietta] I do hope we

have some customers today.

[audience laughs]

- [Woman] What will these window

display people think of next?

- Let's go outside

and see how it look!

- [Henrietta] Thelma, a

customer, see who it is!

- Henrietta, Henrietta!

We've been robbed!

- Why didn't you stop them?

- Stop whom?

- The robbers!

- There wasn't anybody here.

- Then how could all that

furniture have disappeared?

- I don't know!

Look, Henrietta, in the window.

- How do you like it, is it me?

- [Mr Charles] It's insane!

- [George] It's you.

[audience laughs]

Now, that's what I call

an interesting window.

- Mrs Topper, your desire

to do over the window

has convinced me that

you and the modern world

were meant for each other.

- But Mr Charles, I didn't do over--

- Believe me, you have

inherent good taste.

- Well, I...

- Mrs. Topper, I really wish

that you would live

with it for a while,

just to see if it does

not fit your personality.

- I'm afraid Mr. Topper wouldn't...

- Oh, but Mr Topper is an

intelligent man, is he not?

- Yes.

- I can let you have a -piece

modern drawing room suite at cost.

- But--

- Mrs Topper, if a leading

member of the community

like yourself were to furnish

her home in the new modern,

wipe the ground, so

to speak, pioneer,

then the others will follow.

And you will get all of the credit.

[chuckles]

- Henrietta, to be a pioneer!

- I do have a little

money of my own.

I could do it as a

surprise for Cosmo!

- [Thelma] What a wonderful idea!

- [audience laughs]

- [woodwind music]

- What do you think of it, Thelma?

- It's all right, I think.

- Won't Cosmo be surprised?

- Oh yes, he'll be

surprised, all right.

You haven't gotten rid of

the old furniture, have you?

- No, it's in the

attic, why do you ask?

- I just wondered where it went.

[door closes]

- [Henrietta] It's Cosmo.

Come in Cosmo, but close your eyes.

[suspenseful music]

- It's still there.

- What is?

- That furniture.

- It's a surprise.

- Well, that's clever.

You can play cards and watch

the other fellers'

feet at the same time.

- You'll love it after you've

lived with it for a while!

- It's so functional,

so, er, functional!

- Good for dropping things, too.

- Of course, if you don't like it.

- Who said I didn't like it?

- Oh Cosmo, try this

chair, it's so comfortable.

- It's a chair, it fits any shape!

[whimsical music]

- Oh, perhaps I should be on my stomach.

Don't help me, don't help

me, I can do it, I can do it.

It may take a little

time, but I'll do it.

- For goodness' sake,

Cosmo, let me help you!

Don't let your pride

go to your head.

- Why not?

It can keep my blood company.

It's rather like being

in traction, isn't it?

I guess I shall get used to

it with a bit of practice.

Well, what's next?

[Henrietta cries]

Henrietta, I was only joking!

It's very comfortable.

[Thelma cries]

I mean it, it's very comfortable!

If you're a boa constrictor.

[audience laughs]

[whimsical music]

[thud]

- Poor Topper!

- You've no idea how

comfortable the floor is

until you've tried

one of these chairs.

[Neil barks]

- It's no use barking,

Neil, it won't go away.

I didn't have a thing

to do with it, Topper,

honestly I didn't, it's a

complete surprise to me!

- It's a surprise to me, too.

You could've knocked me over

with a feather very easily.

[Neil growls]

That's what that hole's for!

[audience laughs]

If only we could send the stuff back

without hurting

Henrietta's feelings.

- What makes you think

Charles would touch it?

I told you he was a swindler,

he owes everybody in town.

- Couldn't we just close the house

and leave the furniture in it

and sort of sneak out on it?

- We've got to get the

money back some way.

- Cosmo.

I just phoned Mr. Charles.

- Oh?

- He won't take the furniture back.

- But I thought you liked it.

- I thought I did too,

but I don't, oh Cosmo!

- It's all my fault, if I hadn't

left the keys in the car...

- No dear, it's not your

fault, I should never...

- How much did it cost?

- dollars, but it's

the only set of its kind.

- Well, that's something.

- Oh Cosmo, can you

ever forgive me?

- Cosmo, I've got a wonderful idea.

- Not now.

- He'll forgive you

later, won't you, Cosmo?

- [Marion] Would you like

me to move that furniture?

- Yes.

- You see, what did I tell you?

- Topper, I've got an

absolutely foolproof scheme,

there's only one trouble,

you have to play the fool.

- But you can't back down now.

- All the work.

- What's the betting

he recognizes me?

- Why, your own wife

wouldn't even recognize you.

Look, you want to get rid of

that furniture, don't you?

And you want to get

Henrietta's money back?

- Well, yes, but--

- Look, there's only one

thing you have to remember,

and that is, don't lose

your French accent.

- All right, let's get it over with.

- Remember, we're right behind you.

- [Mr. Charles] Good morning.

- Er, Monsieur Charles?

- [George] Move fast, Topper,

he's on the lamb with the loot!

- Je suis Mr. Charles.

[Mr. Charles speaks French]

- I beg your pardon.

- [Marion] Tell him

to speak English.

- Please, speak the English.

When in Rome, we do as

the Romans do you, no?

- Know what?

- Don't get carried away, old boy.

- You speak English

beautifully, Monsieur...

- Gallo.

- Monsieur Gallo.

- Pierre Gallo.

Last month when I pass

your window, I see a chair.

Is so beautiful chair.

- Oh, I'm afraid it has been sold.

- He's afraid!

- Aww, you think he has

went, this beautiful chair?

- I sold him only last week.

- Maybe, perhaps,

for me you can find

for me like it another?

- There's something wrong

with that last sentence.

- Ah Monsieur, it's too bad

you did not come in last month.

This chair was part of a

-piece drawing room suite.

- A -piece, -piece,

like this beautiful chair!

Oh, for this I would have

paid through the ear!

- Through the ear?

- His nose was stuffed up.

[audience laughs]

- Perhaps, Monsieur, perhaps

there is a possibility,

I cannot guarantee anything,

but maybe the people

who own the furniture

could be persuaded to sell it back.

- They could be persuaded

to give it back!

- You think maybe perhaps yes?

- I will call the gentleman.

- I bet you he's not in!

- What odds will you give me?

- Will you excuse me?

- Please, in fact, I go with you.

- Oh no, you will be much

more comfortable here.

- No, once I was in Foreign Legion,

since then I am

comfortable any place.

- Very well.

- Oh George, Topper's

wonderful, isn't he?

- I wouldn't be surprised

if he quit the bank

and became a conman.

- [gasps] Henrietta!

- Henrietta, go home,

you'll gum everything up!

- Well, Mr. Charles?

- Very well, thank you, Mrs Topper.

- Could you come back later?

- Don't put me off!

I called the factory

that made that furniture

and I want to have a talk with you.

- [Mr Charles] Well I was

just going to telephone you.

Why don't you go home

and wait for my call?

- What are we going to do?

- Try and get Charles

out of the store,

it will give me a chance

to talk to Henrietta.

- [Henrietta] Anything you have to

say to me you can say to my face!

- But I have a customer.

- I hope you're not cheating him.

- Oh no, no, we're

treating him just fine,

why don't you walk around

the block two or three times?

- Topper wants us to

get rid of Charles.

- You mean do him in?

- No, get him out.

- That furniture didn't

cost anything like--

- Excuse me, I have a customer.

- I don't see anyone.

What's more, it's so awful

they stopped making it.

- My visit...

- Ten pieces!

- I've got to get that

customer before he gets away.

- Well, I hope you don't

get away, Mr. Charles!

- [audience laughs]

- Come back here!

Cosmo, what are you doing here?

- I told you she

wouldn't recognize him!

- And how did you get that beard?

- Five o'clock shadow.

- Gallo, Mr Gallo, let me in!

- We're closed for repairs!

- We're opening next week

with a brand new floor show.

[knocking]

- [Mr. Charles] Let me in,

let me in!

[suspenseful music]

[knocking continues]

- Oh, you've come back!

- Where you have been?

- She locked me out.

I don't see anything

funny about it.

- No sense of humor.

- Have you two met?

- Oh, we are just meeting now.

- [Henrietta giggles]

- He's a big help.

- Monsieur Gallo, would you

mind waiting inside, please?

I will take care of this lady

then I will be right with you.

- Au reservoir, mademoiselle.

I am so sorry that

we do not met longer.

[Henrietta laughs]

- Mrs Topper, I have

been thinking things over

and I have decided to

take back the furniture.

- I'm not sure I

want to give it back.

- But you said you did not like it!

- I know, but my husband does.

- I would be willing to

give you a slight profit.

- How slight?

- Shall we say, ?

- .

- ?

- !

- And not a cent less!

- Just a moment.

- Monsieur Gallo, how much would you

be willing to pay for the furniture?

- You think you can get me for it?

- I feel reasonably sure,

however, the people who own it--

- I am prepared to pay dollars.

- Oh Monsieur, I am

afraid it will require

at least twice this amount.

- Very well, then I

pay , dollar.

- Topper drives a hard bargain.

- Voila.

- You will?

- dollar for the deposit.

- Merci, Monsieur,

excuse me a minute.

- Here is dollars in cash,

I will make you out

a check for the bank.

- The thing I don't understand

is, who is rooking who?

- It's very simple.

Henrietta paid dollars,

Topper paid dollars,

and Charles paid .

- Yes, seems somebody's

up , dollars.

- You're a mathematical genius.

They're all even.

- Then why did we go

to all this trouble?

- They want to stick

Charles with the furniture.

- Oh!

- Oh.

- I will send for the

furniture this afternoon.

- Forgive me, Mademoiselle.

I send you word where the

furniture is to deliver.

And now, if you please, I must go.

[Henrietta giggles]

- What an actress!

- I must go, too.

Here darling, take these.

- [Marion] George, I

wonder what he's thinking.

[audience applauds]

[orchestral music]

- [announcer] A John W. Loveton,

Bernard L. Schubert production.

Produced by John W. Loveton.

Starring Anne Jeffreys, Robert

Sterling and Leo G. Carroll.

[orchestral music]