06x03 - A Ducking They Did Go

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

My dogs are k*lling me.

Well, mine ain't exactly
wagging their tails with joy.

If we don't find a job--

I'm so hungry
I could eat a skunk.

Raw.

Look.

A banquet.

What are we waitin' for?

[GRUNTING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTING]

Mm. MOE: Hey.

Hey.

Hi, huh. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hey, you.

Hey, hey, he's got the ball.

Oh, that's right.

Hey, Larry, quick, pass it.

Larry, pass it.

I got it. [SPLATTERS]

What did you
throw it so hard for?

Now you wrecked it.
You know I can't--

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

What's the idea
of dropping the thing--?

[ALL YELLING]

Hey, hey.

They stole my melon.

[ALL YELLING]

[SCREECHING]

Shh, quiet.

MOE: Canvas Back Duck Club.

Salesman wanted.
Are you guys salesmen?

That's fine.
Come on, we got a job.

Your troubles are over.
Here we are.

Three of the best salesman
that ever saled.

Got bacon in your pocket? Why?

You keep 'em busy, I'll get some
eggs for breakfast.

You try that and I'll cr*ck
your head like an eggshell.

You men ever sold anything?

Why, certainly, anything
we could lay our hands on.

The gentleman said sold,
not stole.

Oh, I misunderstood him,
pardon me.

Well, what do we sell?

Memberships in the
Canvas Back Duck Club.

Canvas Back?
When I was a fighter

that's what they called me.
I was on the canvas so much.

I used to stand like that.
Not for long.

And then my foot like in the--
Hey, Canvas.

See that? Oh.

Oh, gentlemen, gentlemen.

Listen to me. With this
proposition you can't go wrong.

Remember this boys.

Every red-blooded man
is a potential hunter at heart.

Why there's one in every office.

That's right, boys.
All you have to do

is appeal to the primitive
in him, and you can't go wrong.

For every membership you sell,
you get percent of $ .

Think of it. Ten percent.

MOE: Think of it, ten percent.

Oh, boy. Three dollars.

Shut up.

Gentlemen,
you're on your way to success.

We're glad to have you with us.

And you too. Let me be
the first to congratulate you.

And you,

good luck.

ALL: To the hunt, to the
hunt, to the hunt, to the hunt.

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
Come on, start selling.

Who are we going to sell to?

Every red-blooded he-man
is a potentate hunter.

There's one in every office.

That's right. I'll go this way.
I'll go that way.

I'll go that way.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Whoa.

Spread out and remember,
ducks is ducks and cash is king.

And never the twain shall meet.

Go on, start selling,
and don't take no for an answer.

No, sir. Look out, look out.
You want a duck?

Look out now. Don't do that.
Don't do that.

Ducks, ducks,
who wants to buy some ducks?

Is your blood red?
Are you a potent hunter?

All you need is a prime appeal.

What about a duck?
There's one in every office.

Hey, remember me?

Your face looks familiar, but I
don't know where to put it.

Yeah, I'm your boss.

What a coincidence.

I knew I saw you
someplace before. Uh.

Is that a proposition
or is that a proposition?

You can't go wrong, pal.

I don't want any ducks.
But listen, buddy.

No ducks. Hm. No ducks?

No ducks.

Can't we appeal
to your privilege?

Only bucks, mister.
The chance of a lifetime.

I don't eat ducks.
I'm a vegetarian.

Well, eat the vegetables, see,
and leave the duck. Come on.

[FABRIC RIPPING]

ALL: Calling all duck hunters.

Calling all duck hunters.
Duck hunters, this way.

Duck hunters, this way.
Calling all duck hunters.

Duck hunters, this way.
[QUACKING]

[YELLING]

Calling all duck hunters.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

A customer.
What do you say, brother?

Chance of a lifetime.
Wanna buy a duck?

If not, why not?

No,
I don't want to buy any duck.

Hey, you guys, come here.

Halt!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

You muscle-bound porcupine,
you would throw a pass

and let a cop
intercept it with his head.

Shut up. I didn't say nothing.

Well, that's for
what you were thinking.

My mind's a blank.

You.

Ooh. We're surrounded. Come on.

Hello, cap. Hi, officer.

[ALL MUTTERING, YELLING]

Yes,
this is the chief of police.

No, I don't want to be disturbed
by anyone except the mayor.

When he comes, show him in.
Thanks.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

What is this?

A chance of a lifetime. You're
about to join the duck club.

Not today. I'm busy. Get out.

Now, listen, fella, relax.

Imagine it's dawn,

you're waiting for the sunrise
on the lake.

A duck is calling his mate
from the tules.

[QUACKING]

Yeah, I hear it.

Now they leave the water.
Quick, get down.

They're coming closer.
I can hear the rustling wings.

They're coming within range,
big fat ones.

Now they're circling overhead.

They're settling their wings.
They're coming down.

g*n ready.
They're in front of you.

Aim at the leader.

Fire.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, the mayor.

The mayor. The mayor, boys.

I still can't figure out
how those three saps

sold the memberships so fast.

Who cares?
You heard 'em say they sold 'em,

they're on the way
with the dough.

Minute we get it,
we're gonna scram town.

Right. [SIRENS BLARING]

The cops. They're wise to us.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

We did it. We did it.
Hey, chief, where are you?

Say, boss, we sold all the
memberships. Here's the dough.

All in the same place too.

That's great.
Who did you sell them to?

MOE: The police department.
We even sold one to the chief.

And the mayor.
Gonna see the governor tonight.

The governor?
We're going up to the club

with the chief and mayor.
They're outside waiting.

Like to meet 'em?
N-no. We're too busy.

We'll meet 'em in the morning.

Okay. Give us our commission
and we'll get out of here.

Well, we're kind of short
of cash.

We'll bring it to the club.

Not that we don't trust you,
but could you give us an IOU?

Sure, we'll give you an IOU.

There we are.

IOU. Ten percent.

Now, sign right here. Thanks.

Hey, you're not gonna let him
get away with that, are you?

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

Give me back my pencil.

Now we're off to the hunt.
To the hunt.

ALL [CHANTING]: To the
hunt, to the hunt, to the hunt,

to the hunt, to the hunt,
to the hunt, to the hunt.

ALL: ♪ You'll never know ♪

♪ Just what tears are ♪

♪ Till you cry ♪

♪ Like you made ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ Cry ♪

[LAUGHING, CHEERING]

Oh, boy, mayor, another hour and
we'll be out there banging away.

We better get the limit.

Well, if we don't,
our money will be refunded.

Correct, chief.
Absolutely correct.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hm. Must be another customer.

I think it's Blackie and Doyle.

Maybe they got our money.

Oh, Paul Revere.

Uh, just passing. Thought
the old club was haunted.

Nobody been around here
in goodness knows when.

That should make
the duck hunting better.

Duck hunting? Why, man,

there ain't been a wild duck
around here in years.

Wild ducks. Duck hunting.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Well, there better be ducks
or you guys'll get years.

Aw, don't mind that old bird.
He's cuckoo, chief.

Sure, we'll go right out

and make sure
there's plenty of ducks.

Hey, and don't try
any funny stuff,

'cause you can't get away
from the police.

Certainly old chief, you old
kid, old chief, old kid,

we'll be back in a quack
with a quack.

And I do mean quack. Look out.

This is a fine mess.

What we gotta do
is get some ducks.

I got it.
Go get me some duck eggs,

I'll sit on 'em and hatch 'em.

We can't wait that long.

Go on out and rustle up
some ducks, and hurry up.

Hurry up. [YELLS]

Listen, porcupine,
I got an idea.

Get these decoys.

[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]

I get it.

Oh. Shh.

Ow! Shh.

All right, wise guy,
you said there was ducks.

Where are they?
Don't get excited, chiefie.

You get ready to sh**t.
I'll call 'em.

[QUACKING]

Ducks. You better watch for 'em.

[QUACKING]

I got him. I got him.
What do you mean, you got him?

Well, I certainly--

Oh, heh, heh, no,
you got him, mayor.

It's working, all right. If that
puddinhead will find some ducks.

We can't hold out much longer.
This is the last one.

Quit stalling. Let it go.

Oh.

Remind me to k*ll you later.

Here, blow up one of these
rubber decoys.

I ought to tear
your esophagus out.

[SQUEAKING]

Quiet.

What is this, a gag?
It better not be.

They're hep to us, and that
nitwit had to desert us.

We better scram. Come on.

[QUACKING]

Cut out that quacking.
That ain't me.

Are you sure? Yeah.

[QUACKING]

BOTH: Quack, quack,
quack, quack, quack.

Hey, hey, hey,
what's the matter with you?

How'd you do it?
Where'd you get ducks?

Heard of the Pie-eyed Piper
of Hamelin?

BOTH: Yeah. Well, I figured

if he could pipe rats pie-eyed,

then I could pipe ducks sober.

Look, millions of them.
Let 'em have it.

[g*nshots]

Say, why can't we get
our share of ducks?

Certainly.
That's a good idea. Come on.

Let's go.

Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Hey, fellas, here comes one.

[g*n CLICKS]
Oh, look at those ducks.

[g*n CLICKS]

[CURLY GROWLS]
Why don't you put a sho--

[YELLS]

[g*nsh*t] What's the matter?

Why, you, I ought to--
Wait a minute.

I'll fix it.

What's the idea of doing that?

I made another hole
so the water can go out.

I'll see that you get out.
What do you mean?

That's the way I always do it.
[YELLS]

What are you doing in swimming?

Where are you?
Come on. You'll scare the ducks.

Come on up--

Hey!

Oh. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hold it. Still.

[QUACKING]

Stay still. Hm.

Give me a profile. Come on.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hm.

Where are you?

[QUACKING] Ooh.

Ah.

Hm.

Oh.

Oh, a wise guy. Nyuck, nyuck.

You just try that again. Uh.

He did.

[WHIMPERING]

[YELLS]

[CHUCKLES]

[BARKING]

[QUACKING]

Oh, a big one.

Ow.

I almost got him, didn't I?

LARRY: Look!

Hey, why don't you watch
where you're sh**ting.

[LAUGHING]

[YELLING]

[PANTING]

There they are, Sam.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Chief, was that hunting or not?

I'll say it was.
Those guys are all right.

Did you hear that? Come on.

Chiefie, chiefie,
how did you like it?

Fine. It was good.

Those ducks will cost you
$ each.

What do you mean?
Why, they're my prize ducks.

Those duck thieves
stole them from me.

What? Wait a minute.

What?

[ALL YELLING]

[♪]