08x03 - All the World's a Stooge

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Botters, I am simply
overcome with joy.

I beg pardon, madam.
I thought it was the heat.

You don't seem to understand.

Botters, can you keep a secret?

Of course you can.

Well, we're soon going to hear

the patter of baby feet
around the house.

Uh, let me be the first
to congratulate you, madam.

Oh, thanks.

I've just been awarded
a refugee.

A little waif from
the w*r-torn battlefields

of, uh-- Of somewhere.

Isn't it splendid?

I can't imagine anything
more intriguing, madam.

[MAN GROANS]

Oh, my tooth. It's k*lling me.

Now, now, Ajax,

you simply must have
that tooth attended to.

I want you in a good humor
when our refugee arrives.

Refugee? Yes, of course.

Isn't it wonderful?
Everybody's doing it, dear.

It's really quite
the thing socially.

Dog and cats aren't enough.
[MEOWS]

Now we've got to have
a haven for refugees.

Oh.

Oh, now look at me.

I haven't time.

Now, you must go
get that tooth pulled,

while I go fix the nursery
for our little refugee.

Refugees, and me dying
with a toothache.

[SIZZLE] Oh.

[WHIMPERS]

CURLY: Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh. Oh. Ooh.

Phew.

Heave. Oh.

Heave. Oh.

Heave. Oh.

Heave. Oh.

Heave. Oh.

Heave. Oh.

Oh, oh.

You nitwit, you're supposed
to be washin' windows,

not takin' dives
off the scaffold.

Get up, sleepin' Venus.

You been on your back
since we got the job.

Come on.

Follow me.

I'm the boss, I want you to stop
fallin' off the scaffold.

Can I help it
if I was born dizzy?

I'll dizzy you. Ooh.

I didn't do nothin'.
That's why I slugged ya.

Do somethin'. Get the water
and wash that window right now.

[CURLY SQUEALS]

Hey--

[SPUTTERS]

We're sorry, doc.

You idiots. Look what
you've done to my office.

We'll clean the place up.

Yeah, and when I come back,
I'll clean you up.

Hurry. Quiet.

We'll probably
get fired for this.

Ooh.

Get in here
and clean up this mess.

Hurry up. Come on.

Come on, now. Make everything
spink and spank.

And get that other spot too.

Oh, this tooth is k*lling me.

You gotta pull it, doc.

You'll have to
come back later, buddy--

Later, nothing.

Get busy and pull this tooth.

Go on, pull it.

Go ahead, doc. Take a chance.

What do you got to lose?
Heh-heh.

Okay, buddy, it's your tooth.

And give me an anesthetic.

Annie who?

Anesthetic. He means
he wants to be knocked out.

Oh. Hah-hah. A pleasure.

[CLANK]

Nyuck, nyuck. He's out.

You imbecile.
You knocked him out

before he told us
what tooth to pull.

Well, don't worry. I'll find it.

Move over, doc.

[PING, PING, PING]

[POP]

That's it.

Boy, you should have
been a surveyor.

Ah, thanks. Bet you tell
that to all the interns.

Ooh.

[HUFFS]

This is your fault. [BARKS]

Go on, hold onto him,
like I told ya.

Mmm.

Ooh.

[CLICKING]

Hey, Nijinsky,
give me those clickers.

Now go on, hold onto him.

Hey, after all,
I'm the sturgeon.

Give me a little room.

[CREAKS]

I think I got somethin'. [CREAK]

CURLY: Mm.

[SQUEALS]

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Ah, ah, oh.

[SNAP] Ahh.

Whoa, oh, oh!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ah.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Funny, eh? Yeah.

Well, laugh this off.

[CRUNCH] [WHIMPERING]

[GASPS]

[BARKS] [BARKS]

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

Go on, hold onto him
so I can pull that tooth.

Nothin' doin'. From now on
you do the holdin',

I'll do the pullin'.

Hope you know what you're doin'.

Give him a serviette.

I'll show you
how to jerk a tooth.

Hm.

Hey, what's the idea
of the glasses?

I can't see without the glasses.

That's only in your mind.
I'll prove it to ya.

Here. How many teeth
in his mouth?

Four. You're crazy.

He's got a mouthful.

See? I told you
I need the glasses.

See those teeth? What teeth?

N-ah.

Oh. Go on. Get busy.

I can pull it blindfolded.

Oh.

Hey, fellas. I got a bite.

Haul away. [CREAK]

Ooh, stubborn, eh?

[CREAK]

[POP] I got it.

Gah.

An octopus.

You stripped his gears.

Now we have got a problem.

Wait a minute.

Here's some cement.

We'll put his choppers back
before we wakes up.

Hold this.

[WHISTLE]

Ooh, jumpin' beans.

That ought to be enough.

Bring me those ivories
so I can put 'em back.

Put 'em back alive.

Hey, the cement's hardened.
What are we gonna do now?

Wait a minute.

Maybe you can drill it out
with this.

What do you mean maybe?

[LOUD DRILLING]

[DRILLING STOPS]

We ain't gettin' no place fast.

I think we'll have to blast.

Boy, that's an idea.

Let's get some powder.

Listen, either you fire
those janitors,

or I'll move. They're fired.

MOE: Fire!

DOCTOR: Hey, what are you doin'?
STOOGES: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

[expl*si*n]

Are you all right, Mr. Bullion?

Yeah. It feels fine, doc.

Gee, thanks. Heh-heh.

Send me your bill.

[CONK]

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoa.

STOOGES: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

POLICEMAN: Aah. Hey, you guys.

Ah, ah.

Hey, what are you fellas
doing in my car?

We just escaped from a scaffold.

Fugitives, huh?

MOE: No, wait a minute.

He means we're refugees.
Refugees?

Yeah, that's it.

How would you boys like
a nice home?

Home, James.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Come on.

Hm. Not a bad joint.

Shh.

Remember, you're supposed
to be children.

Just three dumb kids.

We got ya, boss.

Hey, I relent that.

You relent what?
He called us children.

Act your age.

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh. Ooh, ooh.

Mmm. Leave him alone.

Quiet.

Oh, a Jack the Ripper, eh?

Hittin' little girls? Yeah.

[BONG] Ooh. Ooh.

Shh, shh.

And I have a surprise
for you, dear.

Don't tell me you brought me
my little refugee?

Three of them.

Where are they?

Children.

Eee.

This is Johnny,
Frankie and Mabel.

They're precious.

Children, meet your new mammy.

Who darned our socks
and washed our shirts

when we were helpless,
little squirts?

Mammy.

[GIGGLES]

Who kept buttons on our clothes?

Who scrubbed ears
and blew our nose?

Mammy.

Oh, Mammy,
it's your little boy, Sammy,

comin' home from Alabammy.

Put on those eggs and hammy.

Don't flim-flammy, Mammy.

Nyuh. Nyuh, Mammy.

Oh, Mammy.

Oh. Mammy.

Oh, are you hurt, dear?

Oh, Mammy.

Luncheon is served, madam.

Hey, eats.

[SOBS] Oh, I'm sorry, darling,

awfully sorry.

Hm. Oh.

Pâté de foie gras.

Mm. Hm.

Oh.

You nitwit.
What would Emily Post say?

Come and get it.

[RIPPING]

Ooh.

[POP] Ah.

Well, that's that.

Hey, where's the dessert?

Oh, eat your spinach, children.

Here, eat your spinach.

I don't like spinach.

Well, you're gonna eat it
whether you like it or not.

MRS. BULLION: Oh!

STOOGES: Ah-uh-uh-uh.

Where are my cigars?
I bought a new box yesterday.

You're smoking too much, dear.

I'm smoking too much? Why--?

Say, where are those refugees?

The little darlings.
They're upstairs,

playing games with the butler.

[GIGGLES]

MOE: Come on, seven.

LARRY: Roll those bones.

MOE: Frankie
needs a pair of shoes.

Hah. Hah. Hah.

Give me. MRS. BULLION: Children.

Quick, hide the cigars.

[BONK, BONK]

Wait a minute-- Here.
Under here.

Okay, come on.

[WHOOPING]

[LAUGHS] There, there, children.

You may go, Botters.
Uh, yes, madam.

Uh, you've played long enough.
It's getting quite late.

[SCREAMS]

[GASPING]

That's a coincidence.
Yes, isn't it?

Now, children,
I'll give you your milk,

so you get undressed
and get ready for bed.

Oh, no. Not us.

No, we sleep with
our clothes on.

Last time I took mine off,
I caught cold.

Oh, the idea.

My, it's getting warm in here.

Oh.

Oh! Oh!

[SHRIEKING]

Wait a minute. Hold still.

What's going on he--?

MOE: Quick, get some water.

[YELPING]

Take it easy, sister.

Roll her up in this.

Come on. There we are.

[SHRIEKS]

Take it easy in there.

You're as snug
as a bug in a rug.

Here's the water.

Get it in there, boys. Hold it.

[SIZZLES] Aah! Oh, that's cold.

Ooh, ooh. Oh, that's cold.

Hello down there. Are you out?

[MUFFLED SHOUTS]

Yeah, she said she's out.

Quick, get it down.

Ready? Heave.

[YELPS]

[SOBS]

Oh, I know you're just all dying

to see my little refugees.

How are the precious darlings?

Just fine, except Frankie.
He has a little cold.

The butler's going to
bring them all down later.

How did that applehead
get a cold?

Slept with his feet hanging
out the window.

He would.

What are you doin'?

I got a cold, and Mommy said
I should soak my feet.

She didn't tell you to soak 'em
with your shoes on, did she?

[GROANS]

Oh. [BONK]

Now look what you did.

How am I gonna get rid
of my cold?

[SNEEZES]

MOE: Put some of
that salve on your chest.

Then come right downstairs.

Make it snappy. Mmm.

Nyuck.

[SNIFFS]

Ooh. I believe I'm starting
to smell a little bit.

Hee-hee. Nyuck, nyuck.

[SNEEZES]

Oh, here's one
of the children now.

Frankie, sweet, I want you
to meet all of my guests.

Isn't he cute?

Can you recite something,
Frankie?

Oh, please do, Frankie.

[GUESTS APPLAUD]

Little fly upon the wall,
ain't you got no clothes at all?

Ain't you got no shimmy shirt?
Ain't you got no pettiskirt?

Boo, fly, ain't you cold?

Yee-uh-uh-uh-uh.

[THUD]

Ah.

Oh-ho-ho.

You're just as cute
as you can be.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
You're not bad yourself.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Uh, wouldn't you like to go

and meet some
of the other guests?

No. I like it here. Hah-hah-hah.

WOMAN: Oh, Frankie.
Come over here.

No. I don't want to.

Don't worry. I won't leave ya.

[CHUCKLES]

[BOINK] Oh! Oh.

Why, Frankie, what's the matter?

I just got a stabbing pain.

What's the matter?
You got a cold too?

No. How's your cold?

Oh, pretty good, but... [SNIFFS]

I still don't smell so good.

I'll say you don't.

Hmm.

MOE: Hey, Mommy. Mommy, Mommy.

AJAX: Hey, come back here.

Hey, Mommy. Mommy.

Come on back here. [WHISTLES]

[GUESTS GASP]

Ajax.

[WHISTLES]

Come back--

Oh, Ajax!

Oh, heh-heh. Hello, folks.

Uh, I was just
playing with the children.

[LAUGHS] Oh.

Yeah. Let's play some more.

[BARKS]

[GUESTS LAUGH]

[STOOGES LAUGH] [UNISON] Whoa.

He got him.

[UNISON] Whoa.

Nyuh-uh-uh.

[GUESTS GASP]

MRS. BULLION: Oh, oh, oh, oh.

LARRY: Oh...
CURLY: Yuh-uh-uh-uh.

STOOGES: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

Nyuck, nyuck--

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Aah... Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[♪]