09x03 - What's the Matador?

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Come on, fellas.

We wanna see Mr. Shamus O'Brien.

I've told you, for two months

he doesn't want to see you.
Now, scram.

Oh, oh, but we got
a new bullfighting act.

He plays the bullfighter,
I play the front of the bull.

He plays-- He's in the bull too.

Go on. You're full of bull.
b*at it, you hams.

Listen, you. What?

Listen,
you might hear somethin'.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Mr. O'Brien.

[PHONE RINGS]

We got a new act.
It's phenomenal.

It's sensational. It's terrific.

It's even mediocre. Quiet!

Mr. O'Brien, a Mr. Pedro Alverez

calling long-distance
from Mexico.

Oh. Oh.

Give me that.

Hello, Señor Alverez?

[SPANISH ACCENT] Mr. O'Brien,
we are having a big fiesta here,

and I want an outstanding
American act. It must be great.

Money is no object,
so long as it's cheap.

Boss, we got the very act
he's looking for.

It's a pepperino.
Oh, we'll do it great.

Shut your big mouth.

ALVEREZ: What?

Not you, señor.
I mean these other idiots.

Who's an idiot?

I mean, these other idiots
were bigger idiots.

ALVEREZ: Hey, listen.

I mean,
I don't know what I mean.

Look, señor, as soon
as I locate a great act,

I'll wire you.

You'll wire me, then?

All right, señor. Goodbye.

How about it, boss?
Do we get it?

Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Now, get out of here,

before I bat your brains out.

Why, you.

Whoa. Whoa.

MOE: "Señor Pedro
Alverez, Mexico City, D.F."

"have located
greatest act in U.S.A.

"wire expense money direct
to The Three Stooges

care of this telegraph office."

Send that collect,
please. Thanks.

Mexico, here we come.

[IN UNISON]:
Mexico, here we come. Yah.

Mexico, here we come. Yah.
Mexico, here we come. Yah.

Mexico, here we come. Yah.
Mexico, here we come. Yah.

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Ah, Dolores, lookin' for me?

Oh, no, no, señores.

If my husband see me talking
to you, he might misunderstand.

He's very jealous.

Thanks for entertaining me
on the trip. Adios.

Skip the gutter.

Sweetheart.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

I knew you'd change your mind.

Nyuck, nyuck. Tell me,
what is there about me

makes me
so irresistible to women?

Go away. You bother me.

Is it my profile,
or is it my curly-- Hmm.

How dare you hug my wife
in front of my eyes.

Turn around. I'll hug her
behind your back. Whoo.

[GRUNTS] Please, José,

these caballeros were
very nice to me on the bus.

That is what I was afraid of.

Now b*at it, before
I lose my temper.

And if I should ever
catch you around my wife again,

I will k*ll you. [WHINES]

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTS]

Never mind him.

Remember, here we are
in good old Mexico.

Dear Old Mexico,
the warmth of your chili

will bring new zest
to my breast, and vice versa.

Can the chatter, or I'll give
you new fingers in the eyes.

Have you got new ones?

What are these?
Those are the old ones.

They'll do. [YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

Pick up that bag and let's go.

Hey, this ain't our suitcase.

That José took ours.

Come on.

Hey, hey.

[HORN HONKS]

How do you like that lowlife?
We gotta get our wardrobe back.

Hey, here's their address.
Come on.

We can't go there.
Her husband will k*ll us.

Well, without our bull costume,

we're dead ducks anyhow.
Let's go.

Well, I ain't goin'. Nyah.

MOE: What did you say?

I ain't goin'. Nyah.

[GROANS]

[PANTING]

[COUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

Come on. We gotta get
our wardrobe. Get out.

Yeah, we gotta get our wardrobe.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[YELLS] Come on. Get goin'.

[MAN SNORING]

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Can you tell me where
I can find Laredo Street?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

mi siesta.

What? Siesta. Siesta!

We don't wanna "see Esther,"
we wanna see Dolores.

Say, maybe if we see Esther,

she'll tell us where
we can find Dolores.

For once in your life
you're right.

Come on. We'll find Esther.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[GROWLS] [BARKS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[SCREECH]

Hey, mister, come here.

Do you speak English?

English? Ah, goodbye. Goodbye.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Hey, come here. Goodbye.

Do you know Esther?

Esther? Esther?

Yeah, see Esther.

Ah, siesta.
Muchas gracias, señores.

Muchas gracias. Ha-ha.

Ahh.

Hey, sleeping beauty.

Listen, can you tell us how
we can find Laredo Street?

Ah, no sabe. Hello.

Hey, goodbye.

Ah, goodbye.

Goodbye, patrón, goodbye.

Listen, tamale,
we're looking for a dame

by the name of Dolores.

She's got eyes. Dolores.

Dolores? Dolores?
Yeah, see Esther.

Ah, siesta.

You're gonna start that again?

Hey, goodbye,
no siesta, Dolores.

Dolores... ah.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Hello.

Oh, boy, now we're gettin'--
What was he jabberin' about?

I bet he eats soup with a Kn*fe.

We gotta find Esther.
Come on. Esther. Esther.

Calling all Esthers.
Calling all Esthers.

Calling all Esthers.

Come out, come out,
where Esther you are.

Esther. Go on.

Esther.

Quiet.

Quiet, you fools.
We are taking a siesta.

Shut up, you mugs,
you're disturbing the l--

That was Dolores.

Come on. We gotta get our grip.

Wait a minute.
If her husband kills me,

I'm comin' back to haunt you.

Haunt that house.
How many rooms?

Seven. With bath?

Go on.

[HANDLE CREAKING]

[GRUNTING]

It's locked.

Whoa.

Locked nothing. The door's open.

Must be honest people
in this country.

Shh. Shh.

[GASPS]

If my husband catches
you here, he will k*ll you.

Yeah, but we want our suitcase.
You took ours by mistake.

Never mind. Quick.

Never mind. Oh, just go.
He will k*ll you.

He will k*ll you. Oh. Quickly.

What is the matter, my love?

Well, I, eh, uh--

Oh, I am sick.

Oh. Oh, José, I am sick.

I have eat something
that disagreed with me.

Oh, José, I'm so sick. Quick.

Get me the Aspirin
in the medicine chest.

The Aspirin. I am flying
for the Aspirin like the wind.

I do not find the Aspirin
in here, my love.

[MOANING]

There is no Aspirin.

Oh, uh, it must be
downstairs in my suitcase.

I am trying,
my little tangerine,

[MOANING] but it's so--

I am trying too fast.

Quick. Go out the window
and hide in the corral.

When my husband is asleep,
I will throw the suitcase out.

Quick, I will watch for him.

How about-- Hey.

Come on. You wanna
get us k*lled?

[GROWLING]

[YELPING]

JOSE: I am coming,
my little avocado.

I have found the suitcase.

Oh, yes, but it's closed.

Have you got the key?

Never mind, never mind, José.
The pain has suddenly left me.

Come. I am sorry
I've disturbed your rest.

Come and sleep.

Well, I am glad-- I am glad
your pain is gone.

DOLORES:
Go to sleep, José. There.

[GASPS]

Oh, my little watermelon vine.

It is so good to have
you come back again.

Come kiss me,
my little butterflies.

Dolores, darling,
tell me you love me

as much as I love you.

Of course I love you, José.

You are so silly.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, you.

I will k*ll you!

I will--

José.

Go away. You have the man here.

You can-- Oh. Two men!

You-- Three men!

[YELLS]

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh.

I'll k*ll him.

[YELLING]

[FANFARE PLAYS]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[SPANISH ACCENT]:
Ladies and gentlemen,

as an added attraction,
we wish to present

those loco americanos comedians,
The Three Stooges.

They will do a comedy bullfight.

We hope you like them
too many. Thank you.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE]

[FANFARE PLAYS]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Toro. Toro.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[CHEERING]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

To the fair queen of the fiesta,
I dedicate this bull,

and I do mean bull.

Nyuck, nyuck.

[WHINING]

Oh. Oh.

[WHINES]

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Ah, gracias. Sí, sí, señor.

[BULL SNORTS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Come on, fellas,
let's get goin'.

[TAUNTING NOISES]

[SNORTS]

Come on.
What are ya stallin' for?

Get goin'.
They're waitin' for somethin'.

Come on. Charge me.

[SNORT]

Charge me.

[CHEERING]

Now you're workin', fellas.

[CHUCKLES]

The act is goin' over great.
Look at that audience.

Hey, what are you
doin' over there

when you belong over here?
You ge--

[WHIMPERING]

[YELPING]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[GROWLS]

Take it easy.

[YELLS]

[BARKING]

[WHINES]

[CROWD CHEERS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

That was a close call, kid,
he almost got ya.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hey, throw these darts.

Maybe it'll slow the bull down,
and he can get off.

[YELLS]

[SCREAMS]

It's all your fault.

Three months we've waited

for a break for this act,

and you come along and ruin it.

[WHINES]

I'm mad. I'm furious.

Fight like a man.

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

[MARCH PLAYING]

One, two, three, four, five.

Five is . The winner.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[CHANTING IN SPANISH]

[♪]