10x03 - Spook Louder

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Professor Dunkfeather
is concentrating.

Ah. Just as I suspected.

She had dandruff.

Proving absolutely
a case of su1c1de.

What is it, Perkins?

This is Mr. Wallace
from The Times.

He's come to interview you.

Excellent.
That will be all, Perkins.

Eh, Professor Dunkfeather,
my paper wants the inside story

on the breaking up
of the great spy ring.

By far, the strangest case
in all my experience.

It began one day
when three master salesmen

were canvassing
from house to house.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

If we don't sell one of these
reducing machines today,

the landlady said we'd be
sleeping on the sidewalk.

Say, I stopped the
landlady this morning. How?

I says, "Do you want us to
be patriotic and buy w*r bonds,

or do you want us to be
unpatriotic and pay the rent?"

[CHUCKLES]

You had her there.

That's what I thought,
but if we don't pay the rent,

we still sleep on the sidewalk.

Yes? Good day, madam, we-- Ahem.

We represent the Miracle
Reducing Machine Company Inc.

Our machine is guaranteed
to take off pounds a day.

Are you kidding?

Ahem. As I said before,

this remarkable machine
puts on pounds an hour.

No, I don't want any. You
peddlers are driving me crazy.

Precisely why we're here, madam.

We, too, loathe those scurrilous
door-to-door leeches.

My vice president will show you
exactly what I mean.

Show her, vice.

Well, I'll take one of those.

Thank you.

That'll be cents.

Thank you. Now about this
remarkable machine of ours--

You know, we generally
get with the-- Oh!

What are you
walkin' into me for?

I almost had her sold.

The miracle machine of the age.

And if you increase the voltage,
you can knock off pounds.

[GIGGLES]

Really? Really. Ready?

Contact. Contact.

Contact.

[BUZZING]

Feel those pounds oozing off?

Yes. Yes.

And if you get tired of using it
as a reducing machine,

it makes
a remarkable cocktail shaker.

I'll take one.

Make her out a receipt.

[BUZZING STOPS]

Hey, it's off. Oh.

How do you spell "fifty"?
Make it .

What did you say?
I say, "It's nice to be alive."

Wonderful rain
we had last night.

Marvelous.
It simply drenched the place.

Practically wet everything.

[FABRIC RIPPING]

[CURLY YELPS]

What happened?

You get out of here.
Wait a minute, lady. Now, look.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo!

What has that got to do
with the spy ring?

Nothing.

But late that same day,

they came to the home
of Graves, the great inventor.

They had been walking
for miles and miles and miles.

Whew. Boy, what a neighborhood.

This is the first house
we've come to in five miles.

The guy who lives here
must be a hermit.

Yeah.

If we don't sell anything here,
me and my feet is quittin'.

MAN: What is it?

What's what?

I didn't say nothin'.

No, but I did.

Shut up.

What do you want?

[ALL WHIMPER]

We wanna see the owner
on important business.

This guy don't wanna buy
nothin'.

No, he's heavy enough.

[DOOR CREAKS]

Go ahead.

Come on. Ungh!

We didn't do nothin'.

Say, what's the idea
of all the clocks?

Mr. Graves, the master,

must know what time
it is in all countries.

What time is it? Shhh.

In two seconds,
it'll be : in Russia.

Yo...

ho...

ho...

ho...

ho.

Hey, let's come back at :
and hear the whole song.

Shut up.

Mr. Graves is in his den.
Follow me.

Go ahead.

Oh. What country are you from?

[SCREAMS THEN WHIMPERS]

[BARKS]

[BARKING]

[CHITTERS, GRUNTS]

Hello, doc. What's cookin'?

Ah, the new caretakers.
Fine, fine.

Now, your wages
are $ a month,

room and board.

But we're not-- Ohh.
Yes, we are. Ha-ha!

I want you
to look out for spies,

especially Jap spies.

You're not a Jap, are you?

Nyuh. Me, a Jap?

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
I'll tear you--

Wait a minute.
He meant sap, not Jap.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I want one of you boys
to take this g*n...

just in case. Uh--

Are you sure you know
how to handle that g*n?

Are you kiddin'?

That's the front end,
that's the back end,

this is the gimmick you pull.
[b*llet RICOCHETS]

[WHIMPERS] [CHUCKLES]

This was the g*n.

Then Graves is the master spy.

I'll tell the story.

Mr. Graves was called away
on a secret mission,

so he had the three salesmen
brought to his den,

where he gave them instructions.

Gentlemen, I've been
called away to Washington

to demonstrate
my new death-ray machine.

It will destroy millions.

Yeah, but what's that
got to do with us?

Just this: While I'm gone,

I want you men
to sleep in the house

so enemy spies won't break in
and steal any of my inventions.

If enemy spies
get fresh with us,

I'll dash their head
against the wall.

I'll chop off their arms.
I'll break their eardrums.

[WHIMPERS]

If an emergency arises,
use this b*mb.

It will destroy everything
and everybody.

Ah, we won't need that,

long as I got
my old trusty sh**t' iron.

Be careful with that thing.

You got nothing to worry about.

I unloaded it. See?

[b*llet RICOCHETS]

Nahhh.

[WHIMPERS]

You unloaded it, huh?

I'll unload your brains,
if you got any.

Now, remember, boys,
you will defend my property

until your life's blood
flows down the floor in rivers.

Okay, boss, you got
nothin' to worry about.

[WHIMPERS]

Did he say "blood"? I'm anemic.

[ALL WHIMPER]

There goes Graves
and his bodyguard.

This is our chance.
What about those three guys?

We'll take care of them.

What do you suppose
I got these outfits for?

I'll signal when I get inside.

The place is all locked up,
and we're the only ones in here.

[PIANO PLAYS
RACHMANINOFF'S "PRELUDE"]

Oh. Rachmaninoff's "Prelude".

And believe me,
that's a hard piece.

May I have this dance?
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Say. You're not a bad dancer.

You dance like you got
your legs on backwards.

I bet you tell that
to all the boys.

Wait a minute.

If we're here alone,
who's playin' the piano?

What difference does--?

[PIANO PLAYS RANDOM NOTES]

Hey, there's nobody there.

Let's sneak up on him. Go ahead.

Ah, look.

Ha-ha! Kitten on the keys.

Yeah. See? We got
nothin' to worry about.

[AIR WHISTLING]

[MAN CACKLES]

[COUGHS]

But, professor,
who threw the pie?

That was one of the mysteries.

You will see as I continue.

The next thing that happened,

the salesmen
were in a conference.

[MAN LAUGHING]

What was that?

[MORSE CODE BEEPING]

Shortwave. Take it down, quick.

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

What's it say?
[IMITATES BEEPING]

Aw, shut up. [WHINES]

What'd that mean?
[IMITATES BEEPING]

You too?

We can't cover this place right
unless we split up.

You go in the den.
You go in the basement.

Go ahead, get started. Mmph!

That's a strange story,
professor,

but who was throwing those pies?

Ah. Wouldn't you like to know?

But wait.

Right after that, there was
something else happened

that baffled description.

[MAN LAUGHING]

Nothin' around here
to be afraid of... I hope.

Thanks.

[MUFFLED WHIMPER]

[MUFFLED YELPING]

Hey, Moe,
there's nobody here but--

Where'd he go? I don't know.

Hey, Moe. Moe.

Hey, Moe. Where are you?

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

"How to Make Friends
and Keep Them." Four volumes.

Where's the other one? Oh! Mmph!

What? Did you see what happened?

No. No?

[LAUGHS]

Look in there.

I don't see nothin'.

Stand aside.

[YELLS, GROANS]

[WHIMPERS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

[YELLS]

An octopus. Look out.

Oh.

Oh. Mmph!

An octopus.

[WHIMPERS]

[PANTING]

[YELLING]

I got him. I got him. I-- I--

[SPUTTERS, WHIMPERS]

Was that you?

Yeah.

I'll knock you head
right through your socks.

[AIR WHISTLING]

[SPLUTTERS]

[WHIMPERS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-
whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-
whoo-whoo!

Let me in there.

[YELPS]

[YELPS]

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMS]

[WHIMPERS]

[WHIMPERING]

Hey, Larry.
Is anybody followin' me?

No, but when I opened the door,

there was a Jap spy
standin' there and-- Argh!

[WHIMPERING]

[MAN LAUGHS]

[MAN MOANS]

[WHIMPERING]

Hey. I just saw the devil.

He stabbed me
with his pitchfork.

He had flame comin' out of
his nose. He had a big, long--

[WHIMPERS THEN YELLS]

What the--? Mmph.
I must be haunted.

[WHIMPERS]

[PANTING]

[YELPING]

[WHIMPERS]

[PANTING]

Maybe it's me.

[WHIMPERS THEN CHITTERS]

[WHIMPERS SOFTLY]

[SCREAMS]

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

[WHIMPERS]

[WHIMPERS, BARKS]

[WHIMPERS

[WHIMPERS]

Shhh. Yeah.

[WHIMPERS]

[FRUSTRATED WHINING]

[FRUSTRATED WHINING CONTINUES]

[WHIMPERS]

[CURLY GROANING]

Hey. I just saw a ghost.

Was he a fat one? Yeah.

That was me. Oh.

[MAN LAUGHING WILDLY]

[WHIMPERS]

[CHATTERING]

[WHIMPERING]

[CONTINUES WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, fellas.
The bear was stranglin' me.

He ripped both my arms off.

[MAN LAUGHING]

[ALL WHIMPERING]

[ALL YELP]

Take it easy, now. S-stand back.

Don't touch us. Mmph!

The b*mb. Stand back.

Stand back, or I'll mail you
to the undertaker.

[CHITTERS]

Mm. Come here, I mean it.
I mean it. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

We'll annihilate you. Ha-ha-ha!

[WHINES]

[SCOFFS] [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Hey, somebody lit it. Ha-ha!

[ALL WHIMPERING]

I guess we fixed them.
You said it.

[ALL GROANING]

[AIR WHISTLING]

[MAN LAUGHING]

What happened? Who did that?

Who threw those pies?

Who threw those pies?

Professor,
I can't stand it any longer.

Who was throwing those pies?

Oh. I threw the pies.

[LAUGHING]

[AIR WHISTLES]

[♪]