11x03 - The Yoke's on Me

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

I'll hang this in the window,
so everybody can see

that our three sons
are doing their duty.

Just like I did in the last w*r.

They've been gone now
for almost two days,

and we haven't had
a word from them.

Maybe they're overseas by now.

And our baby Curly,

I know he'll become a general
in the cavalry.

Why, only last week I had to
drag him off the merry-go-round.

I can just see him now,
on a great, big, white charger.

The head of his troop,
galloping down on the enemy.

Galloping, galloping.

[GALLOPING]

Whoa! STOOGES: Whoa.

Hi, folks.

Hiya, Ma. Hiya, Pa.

Oh, my boys.

What's the meaning of this?

You were supposed to be
in the service.

When we tried to join the Army,
they told us to go to the Navy,

just because I had water
on the knee.

I didn't know
you had water on the knee.

Yes, I have. Look.

Ah. There. You see, Pa?

I told you not to let him wear
pumps when he was a child.

And that physical, oh, boy.

Let me show you, Ma.

First, he says,

"Take a deep breath. Hup."

"Throw out your chest. Hup."

[GROANS] Your chest slipped.

Then he says,
"Roll up your sleeve. Hup."

"Eyes right. Hup."

[CHUCKLES]

[GROANS]

And then he comes to me. Yeah.

He says, "Fold your arms
across your chest. Hup."

"Right face. Hup."

"Bend over. Hup."

You know what he did, Pa? No.

He kicked me. Go ahead. Kick me.

I'll show you what happened.

Hup.

Oh.

[STOOGES SPUTTER]

[BARKING]

Come on. Get up here.

You mean to tell me
they do that in the Army?

No, not in the Army.

That was in the poolroom
after we were turned down.

Well, what are you aiming
to do now?

Nothing.
Vacation like we always did.

Oh.

[ALL GRUNT]

You low-down loafers.

Everybody's got to do something.

You'll work on a farm.

Oh, boy.

We'll be farmers in the dell.

♪ Oh, the farmer in the dell ♪

Onions.

♪ The farmer in the dell ♪

Potatoes.

♪ We'll make nice vegetables ♪

♪ Like farmers in the dell ♪

Tomatoes.

Now, pipe down.

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

MAN: Well, it's about
time that you got here.

Are you Mr. Smithers?
Yeah, that's right.

Did you fellows fetch
a thousand dollars?

Yes, sir. Let's see.

There it is.

Just right.

Just right. Here.
Here's your deed.

There's your farm there. Heh.

Is this the car? Yep.

Boy, ain't she a beauty. Heh.

Well, that's right.
Get right in there.

Oh, boy. Heh. Heh-heh.

[ENGINE SPUTTERS]

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

Boy, he's sure in a hurry
to get away.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

He ain't goin' very far
in that eggbeater.

We put it over on him,
all right.

We get a farm full of livestock
for a measly thousand dollars

and a broken-down car
with a whooping cough. Come on.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Moe. Termites.

Hup. Hup. Hup. Hup.

Oh!

You squash-brain, you.
What are you doing?

Picket duty.
I'll picket you in a minute.

Go on. Get going.

Go ahead.

Picket duty. One of these days,
I'll tear your tonsils out,

and no way-- Oh!

I'm sorry, Moe.
It was a loose board.

A loose board?

I don't see any loose boards.

Here.

Oh!

Oh, forgive me. Here.

Hit me with that, and we'll be--
All be even.

No, I couldn't hit you
with that.

But I can with this. Oh-ho-ho!

See that? Mmm-- Oh!

Come on. Break it up.
We got work to do inside.

Well, then, get going.

Wait a minute. I'll help you.

Oh, get away.

[GRUNTS]

Oh! Oh. Oh-ho-ho!

Ow!

We can't get anywhere this way.
Let's crash it.

Get on your mark. Get set--

Hey, wait a minute.

I've got to have a crash helmet.

Come on.

One. Two.

Two and a half.

I made it. Success.

You nitwit. See that? Mmm.

Oh! Oh.

Dummy. Open that door.

Pardon me.
Is the lady of the house in?

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Howdy, boys.

What's up? Plenty.

Some Japs escaped from
a relocation center last night,

and we're checking all cars.

You don't say?
Yep. And that ain't all.

This morning, an ostrich
ran away from a circus.

Haven't seen him, have you?
Nope. Heh. I just sold my farm.

I'm seein' the country. Heh.
Well, so long, boys.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING] So long.

Giddap. Go on. Ah, darn.

Would you mind givin' me
a little shove, fellows?

Sure. Sure. Much obliged.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

[SCOFFS]

CURLY:
Oh, boy. This is the life.

Makin' hay-hay
while the sun shines.

Never mind that.
Get this joint cleaned up.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

[BIRD CHIRPING]

[METAL CLINKS]

Oh.

[CHIRPING CONTINUES]

[CHIRPING]

Come, boys.

p*ssy. p*ssy.

p*ssy. Come on.

Oh.

[WHINES]

Hey.

I don't see a single cow.

I don't even see a married one.

Imbecile.

Mmm.

Oh, ain't she cute?

Now, Penelope, I expect
a blessed event by morning.

[CLUCKS] A nice, big, fat fryer,

with giblets and gravy.

There's something wrong
around here.

I don't see any livestock. Say,

maybe it's behind the barn.

[FOWL QUACKS] Hey, look.

[QUACKS]

A pelican.

That's no pelican.
It's a gander.

Mahatma Gander?

A gander. A gander.
A goose's husband.

Oh.

Yeah, a papa goose.

Do they have
papa and mama gooseses?

Oh, sure.

And little baby gooseses too.

Oh, I read about them.

They come from Germany:
the goose-stapo.

Look, if you don't stop,
I'll give you a pop.

What flavor?

Five delicious flavors.

Get away. Go on. Oh!

k*ll that gander so we can have
some roast goose for supper.

Oh, boy. We're gonna have
propaganda for dinner.

Come on. We'd better go out
and find the livestock.

Yeah, we'd better.

Mmm.

Shh.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Here, goosie.
Goosie, goosie, goosie.

Here, goosie, goosie.

[QUACKS]

Oh.

Mmm.

Oh.

[GOOSE QUACKS]

[CURLY WHIMPERS]

Ah, ah.

Oh, oh, oh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

[GOOSE QUACKS]

Mmm.

[GOOSE QUACKS]

A wise guy.

I'll show you.

[QUACKS]

Ooh! Oh.

Oh, my head.

Oh, oh.

Oh.

Where is that goose?

Yee-hah.

[WHIP CRACKS]

Giddap.

[MUTTERS]

Giddyup. Ha.

Giddyup. Ha.

[METAL CLANKS] Whoa.

[MUTTERS]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We're stuck.

We'll have to blast.
Get the blasting powder.

What do I know
about blasting powder?

I'm a horse.

Oh, a horse, eh?

Yeah. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hey.

[WHIP CRACKS]

Oh.

Get in there. Go ahead.

Mmm.

One of these days-- Hey. Hey.

Look.

That's an ostrich, and it's
eating up our blasting powder.

Get rid of that thing,
and be careful it don't explode.

Aye, aye, sir.

Ooh.

Aah. Oh. Ooh.

Hmm.

Hey, fryer.
Stop eating my blasting powder.

Go in there. Go in there.

Say, while we're here,
why don't we fix those pumpkins?

Yeah, we can get more for them
as jack-o'-lanterns

than we can as pumpkins.
Good idea.

What a beautiful bird.

Looks like a fantail pigeon.

How about a couple of feathers,
huh?

[GIGGLES]

[FEATHERS TWANGING]

[HUMMING]

[HUMMING]

Nyuck, nyuck.

[HUMMING]

Hey, pinup boy.

Come in here and get to work
before I pin your ears back.

Come here!

Thanks for the use
of the feathers.

[HUMMING]

Oh! Mmm!

[HUFFS]

What I wouldn't--

Oh! Mmm.

Mmm!

[GRUNTS]

Oh!

Why, you old bag.

I'll give you the sack.

Mmm.

I could-- Yeow.

Get goin'.

Get out.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Come on, here. You cut out
the tomfoolery and get busy.

Oh.

Here.

Oh.

Polish it up.

[HUFFING]

[INAUDIBLE]

Hey, this pumpkin shines
like a baby's forehead.

Well, put it down.
I got another one ready for you.

Mmm.

[BLOWS]

MOE: Here you are.

Hey, what are you doing over
there? I put you over here.

That's better. That's where
I put you in the first place.

[GIGGLING]

[GIGGLING]

[QUIET GASPS]

Nyah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Hey, Moe.
That pumpkin's haunted.

First it was over there,
and n-now it's over here.

Ah. Been readin'
too many dime novels.

You know, the trouble with him

is he's got too much
imagination.

How could a pumpkin
of that size--?

[ALL STAMMER]

See?

Well, it must have
rolled over there.

Come on. Get these things
up on the sill here

and get 'em dried out.
There you are.

Okay. Come on, get busy, boys.

We're stallin' around.

Here, come on.
You're always foolin' around.

[CURLY HUMMING]

[HUMMING] Hey, I'm finished.

So am I. Me too.

Right face. Hup.

Hi. Hi. Hup.

ALL: Hup. Hup. Hup

Right face. Hup.

Yeah-ah-ah-ah.

They disappeared.

There's n-nothin'
to-- To be afraid of.

Is there?

No. Come on.

ALL: Nah-ah-ah.

STOOGES: Oh!

Oh. Oh. My nose.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Hey, pumpkin thieves. Come on.

Get 'em.

Come on.

LARRY: Oh.

You know, if we go
around the other way,

we might be able
to head 'em off.

Now, I-- Yah-ah-ah-ah!

[BOTH GRUNT]

Hey,
let's put these pumpkins on.

Then they'll think
we're on their side.

Once they get close,
let 'em have it.

Oh, boy.

I got two Japs.

I'm a hero.

MacArthur will decorate me
for this.

I practically won the w*r alone.

I can see it now: a parade
coming down Fifth Avenue.

[GROWLS] Ah. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
The place is surrounded by Japs.

[INDISTINCT DIALOGUE]

There's some more now.

Come on. We'd better hide.

Come on.

[MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

What do we do now?

I'm dying and you're
asking me riddles.

You num-- Hey, wait a minute.

Stand back. If we gotta die,

at least we'll scramble
some Japs with these eggs.

Hey, you rats.

Ugh.

MOE: Oh, boy.

Ah. Eh, that's doin' it.

Oh.

[CLANGS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Success. Success.

[CACKLING] Success.

Nice work, boys.

How did you do it?
Oh, that's easy.

We have an ostrich
that lays hand gren-eggs.

See? You wanna see?

Yah-ah-ah.

I'm dead.

Blood.

Oh, no. It's a dud.

Oh, boy. Am I lucky.

Am I?

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[♪]