23x06 - Hot Stuff

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[MAN READS HEADLINES ALOUD]

We must get this rocket-fuel
formula for our country

by hook or crook!

Right!
Without aircraft supremacy,

Anemia could never
conquer Urania.

You and Klutz must visit
this Professor Snead.

Understand?

Yes, Excellency.

I will make
the necessary preparations.

I will make
necessary preparations.

[GULPING]

[WHISTLES BLOWING AND HONKING]

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, by golly, that's good!

Tastes like rotten eggs. Mm.

Boys, we gotta be careful
and make sure

nobody followed us.
Right!

Shemp, that dame
looked suspicious.

You better follow her.
Right!

This is it.

"Government of Urania,
Department of Inferior."

[TYPING TO
"SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Come in.

Operator Number .

Six and seven-eighths.
Ooh!

Good, I've been expecting you.
Make yourselves at home.

Thank you. We will.

Pardon me.
Ha-ha-ha!

Ready? Give.

She said make yourself
at home, not obnoxious!

Oh, quit kiddin', toots.
You know you loved it.

Give me another kiss.

[CRUNCH]

Aah! Ow!

Ew, what a kisser.

Oh,
glad you appreciate it.

Yes, uh,
let me see your hand.

Certainly.

Ooh, nice...
Heh.

[YELLING]

Ooh!

[WHIMPERING]

Ooh, ooh.
Hey, that was mean.

Come on, be nice.
Give me another kiss.

Uh, sure, why not?
Heh-heh.

You pooch, and I'll pucker.

[GASPS]

Ruff! Ha-ha!

Ready?

And how.

Aah! Ooh!

Oh, isn't that fun?
Ooh! Ow!

Oh, you're breaking my heart.
Larry! Larry, help me!

Help. Larry, help me.

Help me. Oh!

Wait a minute.
I'll get it.

[WHIMPERING]

Wait.
Hold it still there.

Ooh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!

Moe, it's out.
Oh.

Next time you'll remember you
came here on serious business.

Yes, sir. Ma'am.

Now, you have been ordered

to protect Professor Snead,
the eminent scientist.

You will work undercover.

Yes, yes,
we will work under covers.

Neither he nor anyone else
must know who you are.

You will go to his new house

and pretend
you are carpet layers.

Wait a minute.
I can't lay carpet.

Why not?

I'm not that rugged.

Get it?
Carpets, rugged?

[LAUGHING]

Why, you...

[HONKING]
Ugh!

Now, listen, you,
we gotta find Shemp

and get over
to Professor Snead's.

Number seven.
Seven.

Come on.
Aah!

Professor Snead's new house.

I watched from here
when he moved in yesterday.

So we have him
cornered at last.

By now his super rocket fuel
should be perfected.

Yes, Roarke?

Yes. I think we can persuade
him to give us the formula.

Ah, there he is now.

There's no mistaking
that magnificent head of hair.

Hiya, professor.
You got nothing to worry about.

My men will have this job done
in a couple of hours.

SNEAD:
Good.

Whose men?

Us men.

That's better.
Ooh!

Come on,
start cuttin'.

[GRUNTS]

[GULPS]

[GAGGING]

I swallowed the tacks.

I'll-- I'll--

I'll be doggone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Father, step into
the laboratory.

I've discovered
something interesting.

Just a moment, dear.

I want you men to finish up
as quickly as possible.

My work, shall we say,
is highly secret.

Forget you ever came here.
Is that clear?

You betcha.
We won't breathe a word.

Good.
Thank you, boys.

[GIGGLES]

[SCREAMING]

MOE:
My toes! They're gone!

[WHIMPERING]

Oh, there they are.

MOE:
So they are.

[CLANGING]

[CRUNCH]
Oh! Ooh!

[GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

Quit playin' around.
We gotta measure this joint.

Take this tape
over to the other wall.

Come on.

How many feet you got?

Two.

You skillethead.
Give me that tape!

I'm sorry, Moe.
You asked for it.

You asked for it too,
but we'll forget it.

Get to nailin'.

Yes, sir. Gladly.

How did I get
in the cellar here?

When the professor comes out
of the house, we'll capture him.

You will
take him to Anemia.

Leon and I will remain
at the embassy.

Yes, colonel.

Well, goodbye.

STOOGES:
Bye.

Look. The professor
has two assistants.

Good.
We'll take them too.

MOE:
We'll grab a bite of lunch
and hurry back.

We mustn't be gone too long.

[WHISTLING]

Where did those guys go
that was here--?

[GASPS]

Oh!

Let go. My leg.
You're breaking it.

Wait, whoa! Moe! Larry!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

MAN:
Here we are, gentlemen.

What a joint.

Reminds me
of the reform school.

Oh, did you stumble,
professor?
Aah!

Anything wrong, professor?
No, I'm all right.

Guards. Follow this
soldier, gentlemen.

He will lead you
to the laboratory.

Say, I beg your pardon,

do you have any idea
what we're doin'?

Now that
you mention it, no.

Why don't you tell the general
he ain't Professor Snead?

He couldn't invent rocket fuel
in a million years.

I beg your pardon.

Wait a minute,
you ignoramuses.

If they find out
we're undercover men,

they'll go back
and grab the real professor.

We gotta make them think
we're really mixing rocket fuel,

or they'll sh**t us.

Now, we gotta fool them,
savvy?

You're right.
It's our duty to posterior.

I wonder
what this will do.

Pyrogallic acid.

Say, that acts
mighty powerful.

Yeah, if they put that
in an airplane,

something's
bound to happen.

Get some more stuff.
Okay, okay.

How'd that mule
get in here?

[SCREAMS]

You don't know my sleeve
from a jug, you jughead!

Hey. It's burnin' the wood!
Put it out, somebody!

Larry, Larry,
put the fire out!

Larry, come on!

Hey, it's strong enough.
Let's cork it.

Here's the cork.
Okay, kid.

There.

[MAN SCREAMS]

Top of the morning
to you, captain.

And the rest
of the day for myself.

Ah, but there's
good news today.

Yes? You have
the super rocket fuel?

You said it.
With that stuff,

a plane can go
miles an hour.

In low gear.

Splendid. Splendid.
I congratulate you, professor.

LARRY:
Think nothing of it.

CAPTAIN:
You should give me
the formula.

Yes, the formula.
Why, sure, sure.

Tell him, professor.

Oh, yea-- Tell him.
Me?

Well, uh, first you put in
a half a pint of ectowhosis.

Ectowhosis?

No, no, ectowhatsis.
Whatsits.

Um, and grams
of alkabob.

Ah, so.

Then you pour in
the shish kabob.

Then you fold in
the jigger of sastrophonia.

Ah, sastrophonia.

Say, did I give you
carbolic acid?

I'd love to.

SHEMP:
Put down a squirt of haratang.

Spelled sidewards,
it's, uh...

Tahara...
[CLICKING]

How you spell this, uh...?

[CLICKING]

That's right.
Put it down.

Yeah.

Hiya.

[STOOGES GASP]

[CLANGS]

[LARRY GROANS]

Colonel,
what does this mean?

It means you captured
three impostors, you dunderhead.

This is Professor Snead.

Yes, and unless you give us
that formula at once,

you, your daughter,
and your friends

all will be sh*t.

I am sorry, but I am afraid
I can't help you.

You see, general, my father
has a very poor memory.

I've got
a little booklet here.

"How to Train Your Memory
in Five Easy Lessons."

Pardon me.

Quiet. Thank you.

Don't point.

Perhaps a night in the dungeon
will refresh your memory.

Take them away.

March. March.

What's the matter
with you? Go ahead.

All right, both hands
were out that time.

Beep! Beep!
Beep!

Heep-eep-eep-eep!

I don't know what to do.
How to get out of this.

Look, boys, we gotta get
the keys to the cell below

from this guy
and release the professor.

Now, look, we'll straighten
the whole thing out, right?

Shemp, guard the door.

Heep-eep-eep-eep.

Routine number .

Okay.

I personally brought you
your last meal,

before you are sh*t.
Heh-heh.

Eat hearty. Pigs' feet
smothered in lubricating oil,

raw potatoes
boiled in pure varnish,

and headcheese
garnished with nails.

Rusty nails!

[CAPTAIN LAUGHING]

Ah-ah-ah-ah--

[SNEEZES]

[GASPING]

[CLANG]
[CLANG]

[CLANG]

Shemp, come on.
Let's get him in that trunk.

Up you go.

Now these are the keys
to the cell below.

We gotta get down there
somehow.

Yeah, but there's
a guard outside.

I got it.
That rocket fuel we made,

it b*rned a hole
in the table.

It'll burn a hole
in the floor.

Right!

He's the most intelligent
imbecile I ever saw.

Hey. How about me?

Oh, you're much smarter.
You're just an imbecile.

Here it is, fellas.

Get busy and make that hole.
We'll watch the door. Come on.

[LARRY GROANS]

[GASPS]

Are you all right?

[SHEMP SCREAMS]

[SHEMP GRUNTS]

Seize him!

[GRUNTING]
Whoa!

[CREAKING]

Moe!

[SHEMP GRUNTING]

Oh!

[ALL GRUNTING]

SHEMP [STRAINED]:
My neck, my neck!
You're killin' me!

Wait! You're killin' me!

I'll give up! Let go!

[BOTH GROAN]

Hang on!

Whoa!
Call the guards!

Don't let 'em go!
Call the guards!

Come back here.

Stop it.

Stop, help!
Halt!

Help!
Help!

What's the guard's name?
[BOTH GROAN]

BOTH:
Help! Help!

Quick, get in the jeep!

We'll make a dash
for it.

All right,
start her up.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

MOE:
It's empty. We're cooked.

Oh, no, we ain't.

I got the stuff.
I got the stuff.

Hey, wait a minute.
That ain't gas.

It may not be gas,
but it packs an awful wallop.

Ah!

Stop them! sh**t!

Whoa!
Ah, come on. Come on.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[♪♪♪]