♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
♪
You've got him, Diver.
Hit him with your air t*nk!
Come on, grab him!
That what his hair's for!
Uh, Gram-Gram?
Shh!
Come on, Diver!
Come on!
Go, Caveman!
Come on, you hairy Neanderthal,
pin flipper boy to the mat!
Ooh, hit him with the ref!
Come on!
(Screaming)
(Exploding)
(Moaning)
You know it's all staged,
right?
Oh, you don't have to tell
me about wrestling.
I once dated one of the meanest,
bone-breakingest,
neck-twistingest, cow-bitingest
wrestlers in the Worldwide
Wrestling League.
Oh, gosh, he was cute.
Gram-Gram, what happened to
the pillow?
Gram-Gram was just telling me
about the wrestler she used to
date.
You used to date a big,
tough, nasty wrestler?
Remember, this was years
ago.
It was probably someone like
Nose Flicking Lad, or the Cheek
Pincher.
Oh, yeah, the Stuffer and I
were quite an item.
The Stuffer?
You dated the host of the
Worldwide Wrestling League?
You know the Stuffer?
Well, W.W. Duh.
Everyone knows the Stuffer.
Back in the day, he used to
stuff things into his opponents'
tights.
GRAM-GRAMI once saw him
stuff a picnic table up a guy's
shirt.
Plus a picnicking family of
three.
Back in the day?
I saw it in the wrestling
flashback special, “Oldies but
Hurties.”
Didin't he have this weirdo
arch-enemy?
Ha, fancy you knowing about
the Masked Prune.
The what?
Oh, no one ever knew the
Masked Prune's true identity.
Oh, there were rumours.
Some say he was an aristocrat,
expelled from his country for
playing rough croquet.
Others say he was a Russian
ballet dancer, who had a
breakdown during his th
performance of Swan Lake.
(Crashing)
Whoever he was, one day he
disappeared as mysteriously as
he'd appeared.
Oh, sorry kids, what was it
you wanted?
Oh, yeah.
Dad was sniffing the ice cubes
for freshness again.
His face is stuck in the
freezer.
(Grunting)
(Sighing)
(Knuckles cracking)
And then I take his left
thumb, and I put it in his right
ear.
And then I take his right thumb,
and I put it in his left ear.
That way, he can't hear me
sneaking up behind him.
Don't tell me you're
seriously into this wrestling
junk.
It's not junk.
Take that back!
Okay, ex-squeeze me.
What have we here?
Some geek auditioning for The
Pirates of Penzance?
I'm not a pirate, I'm the
Blacksmith.
I b*at my opponents' body parts
into the shape of horseshoes.
(Laughing)
You couldn't even b*at an
egg.
Help, it's a big egg!
(Laughing)
(All laughing)
You couldn't even wrestle
rubber legs here.
Leave Goon alone.
I happen to know a personal
friend of the Stuffer, and when
the WWL comes to town, he's
gonna give him some pointers.
Really?
Maybe the Stuffer can explain
to him that you need more than a
mask and half a brain to be a
wrestler.
You also need guts.
(Clucking)
It's a good thing you held me
back.
You really, like, know
someone who knows the Stuffer?
Well, yeah, kinda.
Is he really gonna coach
Goon?
Um, you know...
I'm gonna be a champion!
How's the champ?
(Grunting)
I feel good.
You're gonna feel even
better.
My uncle got me four tickets to
Wrestlerama.
And I'm, like, giving this pair
to you.
No!
Yes.
No!
Yes!
Uh, what do I owe ya?
Nothing.
But I figure a guy with, like,
your muscles could help me lift
a few things up to my tree
house.
(Grunting)
I have two more, Julie, if you'd
like to go.
And do my science homework for a
week.
Oh, look, it's the Blackbird.
Blacksmith.
I think Blackbird is a better
name for you.
It's more like a chicken.
(Clucking)
Thanks for holding me back,
Ace.
I'd just like seconds in the
ring with that big-headed goof.
I'd...I'd...
(Gasping)
(Groaning)
Dad, you know how keen Goon
is to be a wrestler, right?
Well, I wonder if you could ask
Gram-Gram to speak to her
friend, the Stuffer, and see if
he could give Goon a few
wrestling pointers.
Maybe get him into the show
somehow.
I mean, it is all staged,
right?
He can't get hurt.
Gram-Gram?
, Oh, I haven't seen the
Stuffer since I was years
old.
Why, that must be over years
ago.
Besides, wrestling ain't for
kids.
But they've had women in the
ring, and dwarves and bears.
Since it's just entertainment
anyway, why not a kid?
Hm, well, the Stuffer's
always looking for a gimmick.
Let me give him a call.
Thanks, Gram-Gram.
(Thudding)
Tell your dad the car will be
another day.
And who are you supposed to
be?
The Blue Angel, championship
contender, guardian angel
division.
I got a great gimmick.
You know how they can't hit you
when you're in the neutral
corner?
Well, I invented the neutral
corner backpack.
Brilliant.
So, what's the advice du jour?
Here it is, buster.
You will not see your friend
wrestle!
Do I make myself clear?
What do you mean, I won't see
him wrestle?
Gram-Gram already called the
Stuffer.
He said it was a sure thing.
It's a lock.
Do you dare to contradict
Blue Angel?
Look, I'm doing a good deed
for a friend.
Leave me alone.
Go change colour or something.
(Coughing)
Me, wrestling with
professionals?
Thanks, buddy!
(Clucking)
I'd run after you if Pelswick
wasn't holding me back!
Hold me back.
Look, kid, I'm doing this for
Priscilla, for old time's sake.
I don't want your boy to get
hurt.
So the Jackhammer here is gonna
explain to you all the moves.
You make sure your boy follows
them exactly.
Otherwise...
(Crumbling)
I know the moves.
This isn't, like, necessary,
man.
(Screaming)
I've been watching Wednesday
night Wrestlerama since I was .
Which is like for most people.
Goon, I had a long
conversation with Mr. Hammer.
You met the Jackhammer?
Yeah, he gave me some
pointers for you.
What are we waiting for?
What did he say?
Okay, first, when the Hammer
grabs you...
He's gonna grab me?
Yeah, just scream and push
his left shoulder.
Yeah, that's his weak
shoulder, eh?
Uh, sure.
(Screaming)
Just think, TV waves travel
at the measly speed of light.
Which means in person, I'll be
seeing it four thousandths of a
second before you get it at
home.
(Cheering)
ANNOUNCERWelcome back,
wrestling fans.
Here's your host, the Stuffer,
to announce tonight's--
Wait, is that...
I don't believe it.
It's the Masked Prune!
It's been years since the
Prune was last seen in the
ring.
!
Gram-Gram?
(Gasping)
The Masked Prune!
Hm.
Thought I was all dried up,
eh, Stuffer?
No, no!
I have awakened, just like
Rip Van Wrinkle.
(Laughing)
(Cheering)
This ain't over, Masked
Prune.
You're so cowardly and so ugly,
you dare not show your face!
Next time, I'll stuff four
pounds of blue cheese up that
mask.
You hear me, Prune?
Even if it takes another
years.
GRAM-GRAM!
ANNOUNCERNow, folks, a
local boy called the Blacksmith
is gonna tackle three-time
golden belt holder, Jackhammer!
(Cheering)
♪
Jackhammer is fighting a
local junior high student, and
coincidently, a friend of my
niece, Sandra Scoddle, who's
with us tonight.
Thank you, Uncle Mike.
And let me, like, say my only
regret is that my best friend,
Julie, is missing this because
she's such a pig-headed,
prideful fusspot.
Oh, oh.
Oh.
(Cheering)
Oh, ooh.
Well, what do you know?
Mr. Jimmy was wrong.
I did see my friend wrestle.
I'm not your friend.
I'm nobody's friend!
I'm the Blacksmith!
(Cheering)
Huh?
(Grunting)
I'm a lean, mean,
horseshoe-ing machine.
And for my next match, I
challenge Boyd Scullarzo, the
well-known chicken
impersonator, to a steel cage
suspended over boiling tar
grudge match.
You hear me, Scull-lughead?
Don't make me come out and get
you!
(Screaming)
How about the Masked Prune
showing up last night, huh?
Wasn't that fun seeing your
friend wrestle?
(Sighing)
I saw him wrestle, but
apparently he's not my friend.
Oh, Stuffer's had dozens of
calls about the boiling tar
thing.
He's gonna promote the heck out
of it.
I'd better talk to him.
I know you're worried about
your friend, but this thing's
bigger than both of us.
We can't cheat that audience out
of the wrestling event of the
year.
But Boyd's a real bully, and
Goon's just--
The Blacksmith.
Okay, the Blacksmith,
whatever.
He can't pull this off.
He didn't b*at the Jackhammer,
we staged it, right?
Goon--
The Blacksmith.
The stupid Blacksmith, you
know he couldn't fight his way
out of a paper bag.
Paper bags.
I like it.
Two wrestlers, two bags.
They don't come out of the ring
until one of them's been folded.
(Grunting)
No, listen.
And we fill the bags with
fire ants.
(Screaming)
(Laughing)
I like the way you think, kid.
Here's two front rows for the
grudge match.
Take a friend.
(Sighing)
Actually, I figure Goon's got
a percent chance of getting
seriously hurt.
You should tell him it was
rigged before this goes to his
head.
I'll see if I know anyone
who knows him.
Hope you like boiling tar,
Scullarzo.
The Blacksmith's gonna make sure
it's real hot for you.
I hope he likes the taste of
anvil.
(Laughing)
You mean those little fish
you put on pizza?
No, not those little fish you
put on pizza!
(Growling)
The whole school's got
wrestle fever.
♪ I'm M.C. V.P. and you know
that ♪
♪ Put on your bib, ‘cause you're
gonna eat some mat ♪
♪ Uh-huh
(Spitting)
Julie, aren't you sorry your
foolish pride made you miss the
big fight?
Actually, I didn't miss it.
It hasn't happened yet.
Where are you?
I can't tell you now, but
it's something I have to do.
Gotta go.
I am now the Raja.
I put my opponents on the magic
carpet of pain!
Uh, what's with the sheep?
That's Ali Baa Baa.
(Drumming)
Get it?
Baa, ‘cause it's a sheep.
Yeah, I get it.
Could we do some guardian
angel-ing while you're here?
Only for a minute, I left my
camel double parked.
(Drumming)
How do I save Goon?
You mean, the Blacksmith!
Okay, okay, the Blacksmith!
You can't, for he will lose
to...
The Crusher!
The Crusher?
Who's the Crusher?
Sorry, gotta go.
(Bleating)
That's my electric pencil
sharpener.
(Gasping)
MR. JIMMYThat tickles!
(Grunting)
Why, if it isn't my former
trainer/manager, Mr. Eggert.
Goon, I--
Eh, Mr. Smith to you.
Guess you wanna hear the details
of my upcoming grudge match.
I'll tell you the details.
You're gonna lose.
Lose?
L-O-S-H?
Uh, that's losh.
You know who you're talking
to?
I don't need you or anybody
else.
I can do this on my own, for I
am the Blacksmith.
(Screaming)
Booyah.
Poor Goon.
It's all my fault for letting
this get out of hand.
And when poor Goon ends up as a
lump of tar-covered street
pizza, that'll be my fault too.
This week, the Blacksmith
takes on Boyd “The Bully”
Scullarzo, in a cage over
boiling tar grudge match!
Hey, you!
Oh, hey, don't!
We're on the air.
I wanna tell that
onion-livered chicken
impersonator, Boyd Scullarzo,
I'm gonna tear him limb from
limb from limb from--
How many limbs is that?
I think you got one left.
From limb!
I'm gonna stuff my hand down
his throat and steal his
wallet.
(Screaming)
What's the matter?
Goon's gonna get b*at up and
thrown out of a tiny cage into
a bucket of hot tar.
Cool.
(Crushing)
What's that?
A phone booth, dude, for you
to tear in half.
(Sighing)
I said phone book!
Oh.
Gummy limbs?
I'm not hungry.
Poor Goon.
Even though he turned into a
jerky friend, he's my jerky
friend.
In five more minutes, he's gonna
get whomped by the Crusher.
The who?
(Crushing)
Wait.
For he will lose to...
The Crusher!
Who's the Crusher?
(Crushing)
(Crushing)
Boyd isn't the Crusher.
Of course!
Kate, I need you to do me a
favour.
If you're going to be a
world-famous wrestler, you'll
need a manager.
How much money do managers
get?
Oh, all of it.
Huh?
Good.
Save me having to count it.
(Door opening)
This is a private dressing room,
bozos.
Uh, bozo-ette.
Um, you never finished your
training, Goon.
I wanna introduce you to the
Crusher.
You want me to wrestle your
little sister?
You too chicken, Blackberry?
(Clucking)
That's Blacksmith.
(Clucking)
Maybe I should teach you a
lesson.
Don't worry, I've been
personally assured that nothing
can happen to you.
Hee-ya, ha!
(Grunting)
No, don't, ow!
That's the arm they have to hold
up when I win.
Come on, Goon.
Do some of those moves my
brother taught you.
(Screaming)
They don't seem to be
working.
Thanks, Kate.
You can let him go now.
Kate?
I'm sorry, Goon, no one was
supposed to get hurt.
And no one would have been,
until tonight, anyway.
Don't you see what happened?
Yeah.
I need another six months of
training, then pow, smash, look
out!
Oh, manager.
Ex-manager.
Loser.
Come on, Julie, let's go to
Burger Barrel so you can forgive
me.
Okay.
But first, I have one little
stop to make.
Thanks, I finally figured out
the clue.
What clue?
Oh, hey, meet the Crusher.
Meet the...
This is the Crusher?
You mean Kate wasn't the
Crusher?
Kate?
She's years old.
But I...she was...she could
have...
Ooh.
What do you mean, you ain't
fightin'?
Don't worry, Mr. Stuffer.
Pelswick found a substitute.
Where are ya, Goon?
Slight change, folks.
Instead of the Blacksmith, Boyd
Scullarzo will be fighting the
Masked Prune.
The Masked Prune?
Help!
Whoa!
Help!
And, holy smokes, there seems
to be some unplanned action in
the centre ring.
JULIEHee-ya ha, ha, hee-ya!
♪
01x09 - David And Goonliath
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.