03x11 - Perfect School

[bunniefuu]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Man ]
Viewer, beware.

You're in for a scare.

Goosebumps.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Boy Crying ]

[ Male Voice ]
Riley O'Connor.

- [ Boy Shuddering ]
- [ Male Voice ] Riley!

Brian was first.

You are next!

That peach cobbler
looked awful good.

We'll get dessert next time,
I promise.

If it wasn't the first time home alone,
it wouldn't be a problem.

It would just make me feel better
if we don't stay out too late.

Too late? Honey, they've only
been alone an hour and a half.

I mean, what could go wrong
in an hour and a half?

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Panting ]

[ Dad ] See? Still standing.
Nothing to worry about.

- Why are all the lights off?
- I don't know.

[ Shuddering ]

[ Door Creaking ]

- You're next.
- [ Screaming ]

[ Thunderclap ]

You're home early.

[ Birds Chirping ]

You should be congratulating me
on my creativity.

Most brothers would have just jumped
out of the closet and yelled "Boo."

Come on, Mom.

You're not really
gonna send me away, are you?

A little time away from home
will do you good.

Are you serious?
Did you read the brochure?

"The Perfect School.

Why settle for anything less
than perfect?"

Are they kidding?
Come on.

I said I'm sorry a billion times.

No one in this family
can take a joke.

What you did went
well beyond a joke, Brian.

And it wasn't the first time.

You scared poor Riley to death.

Of course I did.
That's what older brothers do.

Somebody's gotta teach him
not to be such a sucker all of his life.

In case I didn't
make myself clear before,

again, I'm just really sorry.

Good luck, son.

Goodbye, sweetie.

[ Mom ] I hope you learn
something from this experience.

The only thing I'm gonna learn

is how to waste
most of my summer vacation.

[ Door Squeaking ]

[ Snickering ]

Welcome to the party,
I'm C.J.

- Brian.
- What you in for?

Being stupid enough
to get caught too many times.

- At what?
- Whatever.

Yeah? Me, too.

What's his story?

Looks like he belongs in a church,
and not on his way to Camp Perfecto.

Name is Joe.
That's all he told me.

I can't believe
they're doing this to me.

[ Sighing ]

[ Door Opening ]

You 3.

Stand where you are.

This guy looks like a load of laughs.

No talking!
No one move until I return.

[ Drill Sergeant Yelling ]

Look at that kid.

As promised, your perfect boy.

Hello, Mother.

- Hello, Father.
- He looks... perfect.

What do you think he was like
when he got here?

I said,
relinquish all personal items.

[ Brian ]
Hey, you missed a spot!

What is going on here?

All I said was that
he missed a spot.

Yeah? Now I'm gonna
clean it up with your face.

Stop this at once.
You've been warned before, Mr. Brown.

- Your program will be accelerated.
- But... but he started it.

And I'm finishing it.
Take him away.

No!

[ Grunting ]

[ Footsteps Stomping ]

Gentlemen,

your lives, as you know them,
are about to change for the better.

Your days of disobedience and
troublemaking have come to an end.

From this moment forward,

you will do what you are told,
when you are told.

Do not speak unless spoken to,
do not move unless directed to.

You may not like it,

but this is the way
we do things here.

Gentlemen, welcome

- to the Perfect School.
- [ Door Slamming ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Fork Clinking ]

Could the beds in this place
be any harder to sleep on?

Not so bad.
At least the food is good.

You're talking about this food,
right?

So what do you think
happened to Mr. Tough Guy?

- Who?
- [ Brian ] From yesterday?

The dude with the mop
and the attitude problem.

He's not with the rest of them.

I got a bad feeling about this place.

You gonna eat this?

[ Whistle Blowing ]

What?

What do you think
they're gonna teach us?

[ CJ ]
Table manners.

He said we're gonna take some
sort of aptitude test, you know,

"If you were a tree,
what kind of tree would you be?"

- [ Door Slamming ]
- That kind of stuff.

You will complete
the workbooks I'm handing out.

All questions must be fully answered.

Begin the moment you receive them.

And, no talking.

There must be
a million pages here.

Yeah, check out the questions.

"What's your favorite food?
"What do you call your parents?

- What's your first memory?"
- What kind of test is this?

- What's your name, son?
- Check it out.

Looks like Joe found a new friend.

- [ Chuckling ] That's good.
- Thanks.

[ Scrubbing ]

You still think it's not so bad?

- Could be worse.
- Yeah? How?

They could take away
our toothbrushes.

Hello, Brian.

Hey.

I just wanted to apologize for
the misunderstanding yesterday.

Please forgive me.
I was quite rude.

Yeah, well, forget about it.

They accelerated my program.
I'm going home today.

Good for you.

Well, it was nice
meeting the both of you.

Good luck.

What happened to him?

I don't know.
But I'm not letting it happen to me.

- Where are you going?
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]

Home.

Brian! Brian, wait.
You're gonna get caught.

- [ Crickets Chirping ]
- [ Owl Hooting ]

[ Gate Sparking ]

[ Alarm Blaring ]

Who is it?

- We don't know, sir.
- Find him. Now!

- I'll take the back gate.
- Great.

I want a full lock down
of the facility

and a door-to-door head count.

Anyone caught outside their room
will be severely punished.

Whoever it is
may already be gone, sir.

[ Dog Barking ]

No one's escaped
from the Perfect School.

And no one ever will.

[ Walkie-Talkie Chattering ]

This is your headmaster.
Open up.

Accounted for.
Next.

Open the door,
this is your headmaster.

- Rear door, all clear.
- [ Walkie-Talkie Chattering ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Thunderclap ]

Accounted for.
Next.

- Only one left, sir.
- Who is it?

Brian O'Connor.

[ Crickets Chirping ]

This is your headmaster,
Mr. O'Connor.

Open the door.

- [ Knocking At Door ]
- I said open the door, Mr. O'Connor.

Open it up.

[ Keys Rattling ]

[ Trellis Snaps ]

[ Grunting ]

Give them to me.

I might have known.

- Known what, sir?
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]

Sorry I took so long.

I thought it would be rude for me
to answer the door in my pajamas.

Accounted for.

Good night, Mr. O'Connor.

[ Keys Jangling ]

- [ Snorts ]
- [ Door Creaking ]

[ Birds Chirping ]

I see your escape
was a great success.

I'd like to see you try it.

There's an electric fence
all around this place.

Guards, search lights.

This isn't a school,
it's a prison.

Haven't you read the brochures?

Satisfaction guaranteed
or your parents' money back?

You think they're gonna
let you just walk out of here?

No.

An escape is gonna have to be planned.

Carefully thought out.

Hey, Waldo, the guardians
want you to clean the toilets.

That was you last night,
wasn't it?

You were the one
who tried to escape.

It's cool.
I'm not gonna snitch on you.

Besides, maybe somebody
already b*at me to it.

- So the washrooms are clean.
- Yeah, OK.

Joe?

I'm not saying yes,
I'm not saying no.

But he did get moved
to a bigger room this morning.

And he had a bigger serving
at breakfast, too.

Maybe your little stunt
last night paid off for him.

Your tie is crooked.

- That's better.
- Thanks.

- You scared the heck out of me.
- I scared you?

What are you doing here?

I couldn't sleep
I thought maybe we could hang out.

No, no, no.
No, I'm staying in my room,

and you'd better get back to yours
if you don't wanna get caught.

Why do you say that?

Is your little guardian buddy
roaming the halls tonight?

Good night, Brian.

You better hope
I don't get caught, Joe.

'Cause if I do,

I might think you
had something to do with it.

Good night.

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

[ Voices Echoing ]

[ Man ]
Ward R-D is all clear.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

Tissue samples?

[ Phone Continues Ringing ]

- Weird.
- [ Mom ] Hello?

Mom. Mom, it's me.
You gotta get me out of here.

Brian? Why are you calling
so late? What's wrong?

There's a lot of really freaky stuff
going on here.

I wanna come home.
You have to come and get me.

Brian, is this another prank?

You're only making it
harder on yourself.

Mom, there's something wrong here.
There are these voices--

Hello, Mrs. O'Connor.
This is the headmaster.

I just want to reassure you

that we're doing everything possible
to change Brian.

He's a bit of a tough case,
but we guarantee he'll be just perfect

when you come to pick him up.

Thank you, Mrs. O'Connor.
Bye-bye.

Your program will be accelerated

- [ Grunts ]
- starting tonight.

Get him out of here.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Lock Squeaking ]

[ Grunting ]