01x09 - Joe Gets Expelled

[bunniefuu]

to fight I thought there was the virtue

and always being cool

Oh

as you can

you

hey is it hanging cool oh no it's

perfect now where were we you are

telling me how you helped build the

Steyr rama of erasmus barters heroic

polar expedition when you were an

undergraduate was I trying to score with

you happy because well everybody does

that another one of those black holidays

just tell me what I gotta do so I don't

get sanctioned again because was an

acronym for barter College annual spirit

week am I the only person who wants the

spirit award badly enough to sit around

picking up fun acronyms for cross for

what cross call it's related activities

it might be spirit week but I'm spirits

strong I have a fun acronym for you

b*at it putz bid do you have a history

of gastrointestinal disorders that's

none of your business

yes I do

can I check it out I wish someone would

what look do you have the book or not oh

the book I have it right here but there

are no answers in there for me this book

has been vandalized somebody's made it

look like all the medical illustrations

are defecating young man please you're

in a library people are trying to hook

up did you do that that's hysterical the

library is supposed to be a place of

knowledge the very soul of a university

this is a disgrace

what a nob now where were we about to

take it back to my office for a little

ball check your wah wah boom chicka wah

wah boom kick your wall wall hey check

out this thing I do with my thumb pretty

freaky huh don't interrupt me well screw

you mr. Georgetown if that is your real

name

Georgetown give me that this is Jo Tate

no I apologize that was my roommate yes

it is one of the reasons I'd like to

transfer so I'll see you tomorrow for

our interview

no I won't try to steal your nose god I

can't wait for my transfer interview so

I can get the hell out of his pathetic

jackass filled sorry excuse for a

college cool dude he's such a Libra

oh hey Berger shut up

listen I'm going out of town for a few

days would you dudes water my plant

while I'm gone is it one of those penis

fly traps those things really hurt

wait what will you give us if we do I

won't kick your ass that's fine but what

will you give us if we don't I will kick

your ass that seems fair that's the

coolest Jesus poster I've ever seen dude

and it glows in the dark

just like the real Jesus but where's his

flamethrower

you got a promise you'll take excellent

care of this it's very important to me

hey I know what that is it's a plan good

eye what kind is it uh oregano

I wrote out a few instructions to help

you remember what to do I'll leave it

right next to the pot that the oregano

is in you good with that sure where are

you going

shut up I bet he's going to Jamaica

you know what they do down there Adele

that's right

sip fruity rum drinks where's my

interview suit what the hell are you

doing standing on my good suit oh I had

to so I wouldn't cut my foot on the

broken glass from your diploma my

interview is in two hours now I have to

get this dry-cleaned again don't worry

the jackets fine it's these pants

that'll be a problem

you morons have no respect for me or my

stuff if I didn't respect your pants why

would I wear them as a makeshift diaper

you think Joe's doing that tough love

thing with us cuz if he is it's working

no closet that doesn't even make sense

hi fellows these were all just found in

the dumpster in a minute Eadie first I

got a game for you I'll think of a

number between 1 and 10 if you guess

right I get your pizza ok how about 7

wrong try again 4 ah forget it could we

buy some slices off you dumbass what was

the number anyway 4 oh wait he said 4

damn it plain who orders plane when

there's a whole world of toppings out

there hey burgers got an oregano plant

damn it del can't you focus for 10

seconds hey wait a minute

burgers got an oregano plant hey my arm

itches where does toilet paper come from

wait what are we gonna wash it down with

I know how we can get some free cokes

follow me hey coke machine I'm thinking

of a number between one and ten

Oh glad that worked jackasses and nearly

miss my Georgetown interview make me

miss lunch forget about it Joe positive

thoughts hello dude our pizza this is

for what you did to my diploma if you

want to get back at us for what we did

to your diploma you should use the pizza

to wipe your ass I'm gonna nail this

thing I'm so focused make it happen oh

man

I am so late late

late light late oh come on you try it

it's amazing

perhaps I will later but right now I'd

like you to answer the question about

your strengths and weaknesses I believe

I just did dude oh let me tell you what

Georgetown expects from you no let me

tell you what I expect from Georgetown

simple Oreos peanut butter and you have

those s'mores you can make in the

microwave they're awesome and next we

have the diorama that won me the spirit

award when I was a student at barter

finally a place where I'll fit in

securely congratulations you're the

first student ever to be kicked out of

barter College now pack up your stuff

and get out jackass

Hey someone took my bike check this is

the true store I can't get kicked out of

barter I've ruined my chances at

Georgetown barter is all I've got

once you're a doctor no one's gonna care

that you got kicked out of college

what's gonna happen to me now hey Joe

if you do get kicked out can I have your

room you're such an idiot hey which one

of us is being thrown out of college

let's see what T for you you're

depressed right

I have very berry but I don't recommend

it

it's ass coast to berry look I know I'm

probably wasting my time here but I'm

desperate and I had nowhere else to turn

there's also Earl Grey which is what the

captain of the Star Trek drinks would

you shut up I've got a problem you're

not suicidal are you because ah no for

three in that department no I was

expelled and you're not suicidal but

your world is completely falling apart

there's got to be something I can do to

stay in a stupid school well maybe you

should write a letter to the Dean

explaining how much smarter college

means to you I write one every week I

can't do that I hate this place it would

go against everything I believe I used

to have believes too I used to think the

children were our future turns out

they're a hideous bird new suck away all

your beer money

well sorry dad I needed leg braces Joe

it looks like it's dead maybe I can give

it mouth-to-mouth

you got crap all over your lips oh that

wasn't its mouth that's its butt oh my

god and I think I kind of liked it what

does that mean oh man burgers gonna kick

our ass we better get him another plant

come on Joe positive thoughts dear Dean

Earhart when I think of barter I think

of it's almost indescribable odor

Plato once envisioned an intellectual

paradise that place is Harvard and I

should be there right now you third-rate

jackass ah crap barter is nice barter is

an intellectual that flight made still

followed me go home get get or on us

forward flatty

buh-buh-buh ed Bickle don't back down

from nobody god this is completely

futile what would I do to make barter

better absolutely nothing

the place is obviously perfect and Dean

Earhart

you sir are clearly a shining star and

most certainly a genius PS nice diorama

you think he'll notice yeah oregano is

oregano no I mean that I got a new

haircut I want to impress Berger I like

that dude

you sir are clearly a shining star and

most certainly a genius it's brilliant

it is no one has ever captured the

essence of barter the way you have in

this letter I mean some douchebag or a

sends me stupid letters every week but

this is truly inspired does this mean

I'm not expelled expelled no in fact I

think we finally found the winner of

this year's student spirit award

what and as winner you'll read your

letter in front of the entire student

body

and wear this hat

so I hear my letter idea was a success

now I could take you off su1c1de watch

now if you ever need to talk to me again

about something oh my god you want a

student spirit award the easy Todd

celebrate the achievements of others now

I have to read that letter out loud in

front of the entire student body look at

it filled with the dandruff and hair

grease of so many spirited students oh

look I don't want that stupid award I

can't give that speech all I've got left

is my integrity ow

you ungrateful bastard some people would

give their RA position for that award

it's the highest honor this scoop of

Stowe's now go to the health center to

have the shattered bones removed from my

hand

holy crap I know you do something crazy

when they expelled you but I never

thought you'd join the Navy

it's the student spirit hat wait a

minute student spirit you're a ghost how

can you wear that thing you hate this

place I never said that come on we all

sometimes spray paint things we don't

mean well I'm not surprised you wanted I

mean you're the smartest guy in this

dorm I'm probably on the whole campus

that was right you really are smart for

a ghost well thank you it's sweet that

you're getting this award is now we can

be your bodyguards hey I don't like the

way that guys looking at you hey it's a

student Spirit Award winner say

something high-spirited

or winter-like go barter uh-huh oh so

clever hey Joe heard you won the

students Pitt award I didn't even know

we had one but I'm gonna b*at you next

year oh dang I just washed this in the

river anyhow you done our corridor proud

and I'm pleased to know you that's gonna

be on the cover of the paper there's a

lot of spirit in that thumb I hope

someday that spirit will be in me hey

there's the guy who stole my bike gotta

go geeky oh dang these dang wheel horses

why are you putting my picture on the

cover of the paper to go with the

profile we're writing about you you're a

campus celebrity now I guess I can make

it happen hey there he is

go barter heart of school spirit is

supporting the spirit award winner and

that is why I say forever hail barter

College pause for standing ovation thank

you good night I rewrote the entire

speech this time from the heart I can't

wait people are gonna see a side of Joe

Tate they never thought they'd see and

let me tell you they are gonna be

floored I'm sure my dad would be very

proud of you are you sure this is right

yeah that's what Berger said when he

called pick off the leaves put them in a

baggie and chain or I'll come pick them

up I get that part but why do we have to

do with our pants off that was my idea

Dean as a purple see crystal fountains

erases

you stiffed me and now I'm gonna k*ll

you what that was my best stuff you must

be confused the only thing I'm confused

about it which boot I'm gonna put up

your ass good good choice hand boot guy

good toy Edler like what huh whoa did

you see that

I saw nothing and neither did you yes I

did

I just saw Shane or punch burger in the

face you did oh crap how come I always

miss out on the cool stuff he'll do the

sweet border hearing barters bill build

with loving heart neuron reinforce

landfill please share with us your

knowledge and guarantee your fate you

are a public

12th best in the stage thank you martyr

collins balladeers

every year we present this award to the

person who best embodies the spirit of

barter past winners have gone on to such

prestigious roles as Dean of this

College

and speaking of roles wouldn't it be

sweet if they made a car that tasted

like cinnamon ladies and gentlemen I

give you Joe Cate the nerd who won this

year's award fellow barter students I'd

like to begin with the revelation that

will probably shock you all especially

Dean Earhart the letter that won me this

prestigious award was a lie

hmm but since then I've had a change of

heart it's true I was wrong about barter

and about you my fellow students

uh excuse me the students Spirit Award

winner here hey all right

moves like a full moon

Wow badass should be me

I don't believe this you'd rather see

this guy's butt than hear the speech

I've spent days preparing that's it

I wasn't wrong about you this school is

filled with nothing but a bunch of rowdy

drunken slobs

Oh

he made off his pants at the sight of a

polar bear but damn it he can't work a

crowd

for God's sakes show some respect

stop it put me down you stupid

Philistines happy because were old Fred

happy because one nice hat

Robin Hood oh it was worth it

little help I'm leaking pretty bad over

here on the next three South I'll have a

bunghole surprise okay one order of

bunghole cepe we can Kiki

I'll have the anus burger here you are

honey