01x09 - You Can't Have Your Cake

[bunniefuu]

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ Once upon a summertime,
just a dream from yesterday ♪

♪ A boy and his
magic golden flute ♪

♪ Heard a boat
from off the bay ♪

♪ Come and play with me, Jimmy ♪

♪ Come and play with me ♪

♪ And I will take you on a
trip far across the sea ♪

♪ But the boat belonged
to a kooky old witch ♪

♪ Who had in mind
the flute to snitch ♪

♪ From her Vroom
Broom in the sky ♪

♪ She watched her
plans materialize ♪

♪ She waved her wand ♪

♪ The beautiful boat was gone ♪

♪ The skies grew dark,
the sea grew rough ♪

♪ And the boat sailed on and
on and on and on and on ♪

♪ But Pufnstuff
was watching too ♪

♪ And knew exactly what to do ♪

♪ He saw the witch's
bold att*ck ♪

♪ And as the boy
was fighting back ♪

♪ He called his rescue racer
crew as often they'd rehearsed ♪

♪ And off to save
the boy they flew ♪

♪ But who would
get there first ♪

♪ But now the boy
had washed ashore ♪

♪ Puf arrived to save the day ♪

♪ Which made the witch
so mad and sore ♪

♪ She shook her fist
and screamed away ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuff ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

[gentle music]

- Attention!

All right, everyone.

Dance class is ready to begin.

I want to teach you a new dance

called the moonwalk, like so.

Here we go.

- I like it.

- Ready?

One and two.

♪ Moonwalk, moonwalk ♪

♪ Twice as catchy as
a case of measles ♪

♪ Moonwalk ♪

♪ Twice as slippery
as a pair of weasels ♪

♪ Moonwalk ♪

♪ Take your time until
you learn to walk it ♪

♪ Then we're gonna have
a blast and rock it ♪

♪ Moonwalk, moonwalk ♪

♪ Leave the world behind and
take a powder, moonwalk ♪

♪ But take along a bowl of
mama's chowder, moonwalk ♪

♪ It takes a while
before you get in orbit ♪

♪ You're in heaven when
you're doing your bit ♪

♪ Moonwalk, moonwalk ♪

- Moonwalk, moonwalk.

Oh, Sea of Tranquility.

- Hey, what's with you?

You look like you got
fleas in your feathers.

- For your information,
this is called the moonwalk,

just like they're doing
in the image machine.

- Let me see, let me see.

[catchy music]

Say, they're really
going to town.

Wow-ee!

- Ooh, may I have this dance?

- Let's cut the talk
and get to the moonwalk.

- What are you two
looney birds doing?

Stop that dancing.

Stop it, I say.

- Gee, Witchiepoo.

You never let us have any fun.

If they can dance, why can't we?

- They, they?

Who's they?

Look at those
twinkle-toed misfits.

- Ain't it catchy?
- Catchy my eye.

It's a trick.

They're happy about something,
something I don't know about,

and I'm going to find out.

- Where are you going,
my slinky sorceress?

- I'm going to change their tune

with a little
surprise [laughing].

- Ooh, tell me, tell me.

I love surprises.

- Me too, me too.

Tell us, tell us.

- Stick around and watch,
you little weirdos.

Stick around and
watch [cackling].

- May I have this dance?

- Why not?

Moonwalk, moonwalk,
scooby-dubby-do.

Moonwalk.

[catchy music]

- Oh boy, Judy,
that was terrific.

Wasn't it, Puf?

- Puf is the word for it.

Ooh-wee, air, give me air!

- Oh, there, there, Pa.

I'd better get you home
and wind you up, honey.

- Did y'all have a good time?

Huh, folks?
- Yeah, groovy, baby!

- Stop, Cling and Clang.

You've had your fun.

Now how about going
back to the cave

and finishing your chores?

Go along now, hurry.

[lighthearted music]

[lighthearted music continues]

Cling and Clang, stop that
horsing around this minute.

- Heavens, look at that cake!

- Where did you fellas get it?

- You found it in the forest?

No one was there, so
you brought it home.

I just don't understand you two.

You know the cake didn't
just grow in the forest.

- That's right.

It must belong to someone.

- Of course the cake
belongs to someone.

It belongs to me [laughing].

- It's a witch.

- Run Jimmy, run.

- Hold it right there.

Make one more move and I'll
blast you all into cupcakes.

So, Pufnstuf, you
thought I could never

get near your cave, eh?

Well, never underestimate the
power of a witch [cackling].

- Now see here, madam.

- Oh, shut up, you
jolly green dumb dumb.

This little cutie is
who I'm really after.

- Give him back, you old hag.

- Freeze, freeze, I say!

Drat and double drat.

This isn't my freeze wand.

It's my disappearing wand.

- Quick, Pufnstuf,
let's get her!

She's getting away with Freddy.

- Come back here, you old frump.

Where are you?

Come back.

Oh, I'm afraid
it's no use, Jimmy.

They're gone.

- Poor Freddy.

I bet she took him
back to her castle.

- What are we gonna do?

- Let's not panic.

We have to find a
way to rescue Freddy,

and we'd better get
all the help we can.

- I heard that, and here
I am, ready to help.

- Gosh, the North Wind.

Thanks for the offer.

- How can you help us?

- I don't know.

You name it and I'll frost it.

- Frost it, like a cake.

North Wind, you just
hit on a great idea.

We'll call upon you real soon.

- Any time.

I'll be ready.

Brr, bye.

[exciting music]

- [Witchiepoo cackling]

Well my golden boy,
you have enough jewels

in your little body to make
me a pair of lovely earrings.

- Earrings?

No, no, please don't do
that to me, Miss Witch.

- Why not?

Then I'll have you
with me all the time,

and you can sing in my ears.

It'll be like having my own
jewel stereo set [cackling].

- Ooh, how do you like that?

Someone's giving a birthday
party, and we weren't invited.

- Yeah, weren't invited.

What have we got, hairy
goonies or something?

- I've been meaning to tell you.

- What party?

Whose birthday?

- I wish I knew, but
there's a big birthday cake

right in the middle
of the forest.

- Cake, cake?

What cake?

The cake, my cake.

How dare they?

They're using my
own gimmick on me.

How stupid do they think I am?

- Very.

- Very what?

- Very stupid.

- Who are you calling stupid?

[beak honking]
- Ooh!

I didn't call you
stupid, oh noble queen.

I said I think they
think you're very stupid.

- You're not supposed
to think, noodle nose.

I do the thinking around here,
and you know what I think?

[beak honking]

I think Jimmy and Pufnstuf
are inside that cake.

That's what I think, I think.

- Witchie, you sure
are a big thinker.

- That's enough, buster.

Here, hold little
big mouth for me,

and I'll be back in a flash.

[expl*si*n booming]

[Witchiepoo giggling]

I know you're in there,
Jimmy and Pufnstuf.

It'll be a cold
day in Witchieville

when you can fool me [cackling].

Come out or I'll chop you
up into cookie crumbs.

One, two.

- Hello down there, Miss Witch.

- What do you want, nosy wind?

- Here's some cold air
to cool all your hot air.

[wind whooshing]

[Witchiepoo screaming]

[wind whooshing]

- My goodness, look at her.

My oh my, oh my, oh my.

- Puf, your plan
worked perfectly.

You sure put the witch on ice.

Thanks, North Wind.

- Thanks.
- Thanks a million, friend.

- My pleasure, Mayor.

Any time.

Bye.

- She said it
would be a cold day

when we fooled her [laughing].

- Oh, just look at her.

She's frozen solid.

- I've seen popsicles in my day,

but this is the first time
I've ever seen a witchsicle.

Come on, let's take
her to the cave.

- Yeah, we can keep her prisoner

'til we rescue Freddy
from the castle.

- Grab hold, everyone.

Cling and Clang,
you grab her feet.

- Come on, boys.

- It's okay, Cling and Clang.

I'll carry her feet.

You run on ahead to the
cave and keep the door open.

[tense music]

[group shivering]

Boy, that ice witch is sure
making it cold in here.

- Ooh, I get the shivers
just looking at her.

Cling and Clang, get
out some blankets

to keep yourselves warm.

You'll have to guard her
while we go to the castle.

- Sure hope that
ice doesn't melt.

- We'd better rescue
Freddy before it does,

so come on, we'd better hurry.

- Come on, let's go.

- Ooh, they've
captured the witch.

I cannot believe it.

She's never been
captured before,

and they've got her on ice.

- Good, she'll last
longer that way.

- That's no way to
talk about our leader.

Let's go.

Here's our chance to rescue her.

Let's go.
- Why?

What'd you do that for?

- Because you're a
hairy little bug,

and now I know why
the witch hits me.

- Why?
- Because it feels so good.

Ooh!

- I guess I'm number two.

I'll have to try harder.

[Stupid Bat humming]

- Stupid Bat, we're going
to rescue the witch.

Go to the witch's room
and guard Freddy Flute.

- Duh, I don't have to
take orders from you

if I don't wanna.

- Do what I tell you.

I'm the boss when the
witch is away, understand?

I'm the boss and you're nothing.

- Duh, big deal.

That makes you
boss over nothing.

- Ooh, hitting dumb
dumbs is such fun.

I love it, love it [laughing].

- I'd better watch it.

He's drunk with power.

[lighthearted music]

[tense music]

[wind whooshing]

- Yoo-hoo.

Hi down there, sugar dumplings.

It's little old
me, the South Wind.

Y'all look so cold,

I thought I'd cook you up a
little old mess of warm air.

It's no trouble, sugars.

I'm gonna warm you up real good.

[wind whooshing]

[tense music]

Bye, boys.

Now that everything is nice
and warm, I'll be going.

Bye, y'all.

[tense music]

[ice cracking]

[tense music]

[Witchiepoo screaming]

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- My goodness, they acted
like they just saw a witch.

Now to get those creeps
who gave me that cold foot.

[tense music]

- Charge!

- Surrender!
- Seymour,

cut it out, you dumbbells.

The nose, watch
out for the nose.

- Sorry, Chiefy.
- 1,000 apologies.

- What's the matter
with you two coconuts?

If you bent my little
pug nose, I'll k*ll you!

- Thanks, Chiefy.

It's as beautiful as ever.

- It was just an
accident, oh evil queen.

We came to rescue you.

We're your friends.

- With friends like you
two, who needs enemies?

Hold, hold everything.

Who's guarding my golden flute?

- The Stupid Bat.

- Stupid Bat?

You nincompoops, you dingalings.

Now Pufnstuf and Jimmy can
sneak past that ding-dong bat

and grab their golden flute.

- How do you know that?

- Because I'm a witch
and I know everything.

Now we've got to run all
the way back to the castle.

- Why don't you use your
wand and flash us back there?

- Because it's
still frozen, see?

- Ooh, ooh, I get your
point, Witchiepoo.

- Come on, you bubble heads.

[Pufnstuf panting]

[tense music]

- Golly, we're gonna
have a mess of trouble

trying to get past
those armed guards.

- I've got an idea.

Suppose I jump the guards and
you can sneak around the back,

and during all the excitement,
get into the castle.

- I have a better idea.

It's time those guards
learn the moonwalk.

- Moonwalk?
- Judy, wait!

- Hold it, Jimmy.

Let's see what
she's going to do.

♪ Moonwalk ♪

♪ Hottest thing to ever
hit this planet, moonwalk ♪

♪ Not a dance that you can
take for granted, moonwalk ♪

♪ As you're tiptoeing
through the rubble ♪

♪ Don't forget to always
wear your bubble ♪

♪ Moonwalk, moonwalk ♪

- Right this way.

- She's got them out of the way.

Come on, quick.

Let's go, hurry.

Hurry Jimmy, come on, hurry.

[catchy music]

- Come on, hurry!

[catchy music]

[tense music]

- Oh, I'm so bushed I
can't go another step.

- Yeah, bushed.

- There he is.

- Freddy!
- Pufnstuf, Jimmy.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

- We ought to put that
old crow in a cage

and see how she'd like it.

Are you all right, little buddy?

- Fine now, Jimmy.

It sure is great seeing
you and Pufnstuf again.

- Say, you two better
stop exchanging howdys

and get a move on.

The dangerous part is
getting out of here.

- Look, the image machine.

- Golly gee, the witch's TV.

- Uh oh, look, Puf.

The witch is coming.

- Judy's still out in front.

She'll be trapped.

- Wait, look at
all these buttons.

One of them must pull
in the drawbridge.

- Good thinking.

That way, the witch won't
be able to get at Judy.

That's not it.

Darn it, that's not it, either.

Darn it.

[catchy music]

- What's going on here?

This is my castle,
not a dance hall.

Stop that dancing up there.

Stop it, I say.

[armor clattering]

- Help, oh, Pufnstuf,
Jimmy, help!

- We've got to do something.

Judy's in trouble.

The witch is coming
right at her.

- I found it, I found
the drawbridge button.

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- I've got you now, my
little dancing darling.

Hold it, you idiot
castle [screaming].

Charge!

[Witchiepoo gasping]

[Witchiepoo screaming]

[water splashing]

- It worked!

The witch fell in the moat.

Hooray!

[both laughing]

- Quick, let's get out of here.

Oops, almost forgot.

Better put the drawbridge back.

Hurry Jimmy, run!

- Come on, Judy.

- Let's run for it.

Let's get out of here, hurry.

Hurry g*ng, hurry!

- You haven't heard the end
of this, you goody two-shoes.

I'll get you yet.

I'll report you to
the witch's union.

You don't fight fair [grunting].

Well, what have you got
to say for yourself?

[water splashing]

Get lost, you little squirt.

Wherever you go, critics.

Why me?

Why is it always me [sobbing]?

♪ You got someone
who loves you ♪

♪ You got someone who cares ♪

♪ You got someone
who picks you up ♪

♪ If ever you need repair ♪

♪ You got someone
who'll take the time ♪

♪ To listen to your prayers ♪

♪ I've got, you've got,
everybody you got ♪

♪ Someone who cares
by the name of ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where'd you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

[catchy music]

♪ I got, you got, everybody
you got someone who cares ♪

♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where'd you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

- See you next week.

- Keep those cards
and letters coming.

[upbeat music]