03x15 - Brother Battle

[bunniefuu]

Adam, stop!

I told you, my weight set broke

and I need you to be my barbell.

And please,
don't scream this time,

it's distracting.

Adam, put him down.
That's how people get hurt.

Hmm, good point.

I should probably stretch first.

Man, I'm so tired of him.

So far this week
I've been his weight set,

his football, and his jump rope.

On the bright side you've
never looked more fit.

I'm serious.

He's always using his strength
to make my life miserable.

Why don't you get even?

How?

None of my abilities can
compete with his strength.

And it's hard to t*rture him
with brain teasers

when he doesn't have a brain.

Maybe I can unlock
a new ability.

Give you something
you've never had before,

the upper hand.

Yes!
Let's do it.

No, let's not. Absolutely finito.
Forget it.

Why not?

Because I said so.

You live under my roof,
you play by my rules.

End of discussion.

"You live under my roof,
you play by my..."

DONALD: I can hear you!

All right, Chase,
my hammies are loose.

I'm ready for round two.

Uh, uh, uh,
Mr. Davenport said

you can't bench
press me anymore.

Yeah, but he didn't say
anything about you

being my sh*t-put.

Come on, let's go for gold!

Starting with sprints.

I like it.

ANNOUNCER: The world's
first bionic superhumans,

they're stronger than us,

faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

Douglas, you have to unlock
a new ability for me.

Adam just put on boxing gloves

and tried to hook me
to the ceiling.

I'm sorry, Donnie said no.

But look, I feel your pain.

When we were kids,

he'd push me
around all the time.

Then I outgrew him.

Then you got the upper hand?

No, he invented
a robot to b*at me up.

Fisto Roboto was as cruel
as he was calculating.

Well, if you know what it's like

then why won't you help me?

Sorry, Chase, he said no.

And I've got to
stay on his good side

or else he'll cut off
my allowance.

I'm saving up to buy a car.

You know, in case
I have to live in it.

You know what?
Fine, I get it.

Mr. Davenport is smarter

and older and he controls you.

He doesn't control me,

he just tells me what to do
and when to...

Okay, you're on!

Let's unlock a new ability.

But first, grab a bat.

You and me are gonna pay

a little visit to Fisto Roboto.

Yes!

[ Slurping ]

Ahh.

[ Sighs ]

I am so glad to be home.

I just worked
a twelve-hour shift

at Tech Town.

I hear ya.

It's been pretty crazy
around here, too.

I made a pitcher of iced tea,

but then I changed
the water filter,

so I had to go back

and make another
pitcher of iced tea,

but then I realized
I forgot the lemons...

Like I said,
it's been a whirlwind.

Well, it's better than
being badgered by tech nerds

obsessed with our
stupid contest.

Contest?
What contest?

[ Sighs ]

We're about to hit our
one millionth customer,

and whoever that is
wins the grand prize:

an all-expense paid trip to go
meet Tech Town's founder,

Franz Minsk.

Wait.
Wait.

Wait, wait.

The Franz Minsk?

The man who's designing

a billion dollar tech theme park

with the world's first
anti-gravity roller coaster?

No, the other Franz Minsk.

Oh, man.

I've always wanted to meet him.

This is the coolest
contest ever.

Maybe I can be the first person

to throw up
on his roller coaster.

Leo, with your delicate
little stomach,

you'll probably
throw up in line.

Oh, I am winning that contest.

How close are you to a million?

I have no idea.

You just have to buy something
and hope you're lucky.

Hmm, well,

maybe a hundred dollar bill

will ensure I get lucky.

You do not have
a hundred dollar bill.

Touché.

Okay, we have to be quick
before Donnie gets back.

Yeah.

This...
Ow!

Will let me look through
your list of hidden abilities

and see which one to give you.

Why don't you just
give me 'em all?

No way.

The human body
can only take so much.

It's... It's like
a water balloon.

You fill it up too much and...

Well, I don't want
to spend the night

scraping Chase chunks
off the ceiling.

Hmm, let's see,

uh, night vision?

Nah, your phone
has a flashlight.

Acid spit?
Fun.

Oh, but if you
drool in your sleep,

you could melt your face off.

No...

Oh. [laughs]

No.

Ooh, no.

Yes!

I got it.

Awesome!
Wait.

This isn't gonna hurt, is it?

Well, it's not gonna hurt me.

Well, Bree, apparently
calculating receipts properly

isn't one of your
bionic abilities.

Sorry, Scott.

Guess I'm just not
management material.

If you're a superhuman,

remind me again
why you still work

a part-time job
for minimum wage?

Because I am trying
to hold on to a tiny bit

of my normal teenage life.

You?
Normal? Ha!

Hmm.

And because I want to be
a people person, like you.

Just remember, around here...

I'm the superhero.

Hey, Leo,
what are you doing here?

I'm here for the contest.

I told you, you have
to buy something.

Oh, well, I have been
in the market

for some AA batteries.

Ooh, alkaline.
Fancy.

Ring 'em up.

Fine.
That's $4.99.

Sorry, you're not a winner.

I'll take another.

Sorry, you're not a winner.

Nope.

Uh-huh.

Sorry.

You know these are
a choking hazard, right?

Thank you for the warning.

It wasn't a warning.

Oh, no.

Adam's in here.

I sure hope he doesn't
try to bench press me

or throw me across the room.

Like right now.

Tiny dough-like body
just begging to get hurt.

Not now, Chase, I'm busy.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to figure out
which is scarier, okay?

One hundred duck-sized horses

or one giant horse-sized duck.

Well, I bet they could
both take you in a fight.

Ooh!

Chase, that wasn't
even an option,

I need you to take
this seriously, okay?

I'm thinking
it's the massive duck...

Just hit me.

If you keep interrupting me,
I'm going to hit you.

Then do it.

That wasn't interrupting.

In order to interrupt
someone, you actually have...

Just hit me.

There it is!

What's that?

Laser Bow.

It's my new ability.

That's not a new ability,
that's a giant glow stick.

But you hang on to it.

We'll need it on Halloween
when we cross the street.

[ Groans ]

Hey!

None of this would've happened
if you hadn't interrupted me!

Excuse me, ma'am.
Do you work here?

Oh, good.
You're here to not win again.

Actually, I'm broke.

So I'm here to return
everything I bought.

Hyah!

Wait.

You're gonna make me put
all of those back on the shelf?

No.
That'd be crazy.

I'm gonna leave them right here

so I can re-buy them.

Watch it!

Ugh, it's you.

Didn't I ban you
from this store?

Ooh, I've been banned
from a lot of places.

Movie theaters,
churches, Detroit.

And if the great
state of Michigan

can't keep me out,
what chance do you have?

Fine.

How can I help you in a way
that'll make you leave

as soon as possible?

Another one of your Internet
boxes conked out on me.

Funny how that
always seems to happen

on the last day of the warranty.

Yeah, that's probably
something you should look into.

Ohh.

What?!

Is that...[sniffs]...
chicken grease?

Stay out of my personal life!

Now just sprinkle some of your
geek dust on it and fix it.

Bree, I'm gonna leave this
in your incapable hands.

What are you doing here, Dooley?

Shouldn't you be at home
disappointing your parents?

Shouldn't you be
at the food court

stealing other people's lunches?

I don't steal, I graze.

What are you hiding?

I can smell your fear.

That's not fear,
that's chicken grease.

Keep buying, everyone!

One of you could be moments away

from meeting Franz Minsk.

Now the winner gets to meet him,

but I keep the cutout.

I need a "plus one"
for... everything.

Oh, I get it.

You want to win the contest.

What?
No, no, I don't.

Yes, you do.

And if you want to win,
then I want to win.

Why?
Why would you do that?

Perhaps we haven't met.
Terry Perry.

Professional dream crusher.

ADAM: Try to get me now, Chase.

Adam, what are you doing?

I'm taunting you

from the safety
of my battle bubble.

This way I can get you,
but you can't get me.

Watch.

[ Loud pop ]

Is the bubble still around me?

Yep, you're good.

This won't hurt one bit.

Chase, what is going on?

Ooh, you're in trouble.

You want to borrow what's
left of my battle bubble?

You went behind my back

and you gave Chase
a new ability?

I was only trying to help.

Look, I know you're mad,

but at least I'm not trying
to abduct the kids anymore.

That's true.

He hasn't committed
a felony in weeks.

Days.
Days.

Wait, you gave him
a new ability?

Well, don't expect
a mug on Father's Day.

Oh, darn, I already ordered it!

Guys, can you give us a second?

Yeah. Thanks, guys.
Hey, don't worry.

You're getting a mug, too.

I meant you and Chase.

Fine, then nobody's
getting a mug.

Oh, darn, I already ordered 'em!

I knew it was a mistake
letting you stay here.

You're right.

This is all your fault.

I forgive you, let's move on.

Ah-uh-uh-uh.
No.

Oh, come on, Donnie,
what's the big deal?

The big deal is you
messed with their bionics.

I just gave him a little boost.

I felt bad for the kid.

I know what it's like
to be the younger,

much smarter brother.

Oh, now I get it.

So because you have
an axe to grind with me,

you give him a new ability

and upset the whole balance
of power in the house.

Did you ever stop to think

how it will affect their
teamwork on missions?

I...

did not.

Don't worry, I can fix this.

How? It's not like you can
take the ability back.

What are you gonna do? Get rid of
the kids and start from scratch?

No.

Is that on the table?

Sorry, you're still a loser.

Don't need a register
to tell you that.

How can you afford all of this?

Big D stopped paying you off.

It's worth the $40,000
in credit card debt

just to see you lose.

Okay, folks!

I'm not supposed to say anything

because it could trigger
a dangerous buying frenzy,

but we're nearing our
one millionth customer!

Hey, Scott,

is now a bad time
to give my two weeks notice?

Make it one week
and you got yourself a deal.

Back off, bub,

or you're gonna get
a taste of a Danish shoe.

And whatever's on the bottom.

Probably Danish.

Nope, that's not Danish.

Adam, I'm sorry I went
overboard with my new ability.

But having that kind
of strength is exhilarating.

See, now you understand
why I b*at on you all day long.

Hey, I hope
this brings us closer.

Look, now that
I've made my point,

can we just agree that things
need to go back to being normal?

Sure.

Put 'er there, bro.

[ Inhales ]

[ Chase groaning ]

What was that?

Oh, my new pressurized
lung capacity,

or as I like to call it,
My Blow Thingy.

How did you do that?

Well, Douglas wanted to
make things right between us

so he unlocked
a new ability for me.

I wanted machine g*ns
in my eyebrows,

but he said I'd get headaches.

I thought you just agreed that

things should go back
to being normal.

Well, they are.

I'm more powerful than you again

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

Oh, there's definitely
something I can do about it.

Oh, silly Chase.

Your glow thingy is no match
for my blow thingy.

We're getting closer!

Closer!

Oh, come on!

Even closer!

Gotta be faster
than that, Dooley.

Look! Robotic cats!

Ooh, where?

Ring me up, Scottie.

[ Alarm blaring ]

Oh! I was gonna
pay for it!

Congratulations!

You're Tech Town's
one millionth customer!

Yes!

Yes! I won!

Yes.

But unfortunately relatives
of employees are ineligible.

What?!

Bree...

did you know about this?

I've only got one week left.

I'm pretty much checked out.

Looks like someone
didn't read page eight,

section four of the terms
and conditions.

By default, the prize goes
to the next customer, who is...

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

Oh, goodness, it won.

I get to meet Frank Moskowitz!

It's Franz Minsk.

Call him whatever you want.
You're not gonna meet him.

So you fixed everything
with Adam and Chase?

Yep, not to worry.

Everything is back to normal.

Adam! Chase!
Stop it, now!

What was that?!

Pressurized lung capacity.
Pretty cool, huh?

Will you two stop?

I thought you said
everything was back to normal!

Duck!

It is.

Adam has the upper hand,
balance is restored.

It's called parenting, Donnie.

Feel free to take notes.

Oops.

I ask you to make things better

and you make
things worse, as usual.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like when we were kids,
it's always my fault.

Mm-hmm.
"He didn't do the dishes.

"He left my bike out.

"He reanimated my dead gerbil

and now it's a monster."

Well, it was!

You should've let Herman
rest in peace!

You know what? All you did was
make the situation more dangerous.

You're like a destabilizer
when it touches plastic.

I think you mean metal.

You know what?
I think you're right.

Aaaah!

Wow.
That was harsh.

Yeah.

It's ugly when brothers
fight, isn't it?

Yeah, but with you guys
it's also dangerous

'cause you're super old
and you could die.

Look, I know you two
are polar opposites,

but you're brothers

and you have to start
learning to respect each other.

Oh, you mean like you two do?

Well, Douglas and I,
you know, that's different.

Look, we're adults

and we've earned
the right to act like children.

This behavior has got to stop.

Okay.

We get it.

Good one, Donnie.
Way to nail 'em.

Oh, no.
You're not off the hook.

You can't just go around
handing out bionic abilities.

But that's why
they like me more than you.

Look, I know you're
trying to help,

but you have to
let me take the lead

when it comes to the kids.

Okay, fine.

I'm sorry.

From now on, any major decisions

have to go by me first.

Absolutely.

But we're gonna have
to start that tomorrow

'cause I kinda
made Bree invisible.

ALL: What?

BREE: It's true.

I've been standing here
the whole time.

Oh! Oh, I got her.

I got... No, that's air.

That was air.

I can't believe
Principal Perry won.

I'm never gonna
meet Franz Minsk,

I'm never gonna
ride his roller coaster.

Well, Leo,
some dreams die over time.

And some die quickly in the
hands of a ginger-domed witch.

[ Ringtones play ]

Check it out, Dooley!

Me and Frankie are riding
the anti-gravity coaster!

Uh-oh!

I knew I shouldn't have
had that third funnel cake!

[ Retching ]

That should be me
vomiting up there!

[ Boing ]