03x10 - A Little Art, A Little Science

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Royal Pains". Aired: June 4, 2009 – July 6, 2016.*
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Series follows Hank Lawson, an unfairly discredited but brilliant diagnostic surgeon who winds up moving to the Hamptons with his brother as he works as a concierge to the uber rich and ultra elite.
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03x10 - A Little Art, A Little Science

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously, on Royal Pains

you let a billionaire hospital

trusting in save some kids off the streets.

I've made a judgment call.

You've made a mistake.

Why don't you tell Hank
that you're doing shifts at hospital?

I was going to.

But then I though why bother him?

Eric, please meets everyone.

Is Divya, Jill, Hank and Evan.

This is Eric Kassabian.

Mom!

Oh my God!

What happened?

Someone's have a fall.

My husband's campaign
is very important to him.

Winning will make him happy.

When was the last time you felt happy?

Lately, her depression
seems to have deepened.

Hanks saw Mrs. Collins? He treated her?

How could you not know this?

I'm bound by doctor- patient
confidentiality.

Do not pull that doctor crap.

I'm your brother!

You ruined it!

What are you doing here, Lawson?

I'm here because I
want to help your wife.

She's does need your help.

Daddy, the latest poll

has you within five points of Crawford.

Yeah, five points of Crawford

bought with Hollywood's money.

And we'll buy 'em back tonight

with a whole lot of wall street's.

Yeah. I love it when he talks like that.

Okay, do you wanna go over the schedule?

Yeah, let's see, uh...

Radio tour today.

Fundraiser tonight.

Book signing tomorrow.

Sweetheart...

You want to, uh,

come into the city for the book signing?

Oh, honey, I don't think so.

It might be... good for you.

Why don't I go on mom's behalf?

Be nice to have you there.

Why don't you come along too?

Who, me?

How was London?

Saint Martins blew my mind.

Really?

A bunch of kids?

Students. I'm telling you that...

Institutions are the future of art.

Oh, I've said that before?

Yeah, once or twice.

Plus, I'm obsessed
with the British accent.

Make me feel smarter.

Well, Eric, if you're
not happy to be home,

you will be in a minute.

Is she here?

Installed and ready for unveiling.

Well, almost. The lighting's in,

but the curtain's still on manual.

Megan...

It's a big moment for me.

Yeah, I know.

And you want to enjoy it alone.

Call you when the moment's over?

Lights on.

Morning.

Hey! Now we're only one Hank med member

short of a staff meeting.

I think that we may remain short.

This was hanging on the front door.

Either Boris's baby is punking us,

or that's Evan's handwriting.

Well, if you came by to hang the sign,

he didn't stop in to say hello.

Oh, the corporate intrigue continues.

He's still pissed at me
for keeping him in the dark

about Paige's mom.

It's a tough one.

For both of you.

Yeah, and I still feel awful about it.

I mean, we've never kept
secrets from each other.

Eventually, Evan is gonna see

that you were only trying
to help a family in need.

He can't blame you for that.

Listen, sometimes...

Sometimes, secrets are necessary.

I got a call from Raina Saluja.

Yeah, yeah. New patient.

Recurring tonsillitis.

Yeah, I scheduled her
for surgery tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, I saw that in her chart.

Does she need her records
sent to the hospital?

She needs a ride to the hospital.

Evan scheduled that part.

And I think she needs to
make a stop on the way.

Pick up a few things.

Then go home

and get some rest.

Yeah.

All right, Hank...

Yeah, this is Hank.

Yeah.

Okay.

And that's it.

As a diabetic, you're gonna
have to keep a close eye

on this wound.

You're gonna feel a little prick.

Poor circulation.

Slow healing.

Possible infection.

And all the perks.



So tell me what happened.

You want the long version?

The longer the better.

So I opened the curtain and fainted.

Can you repeat that... slowly?

It all started when I was
unveiling the painting

and, uh, threw my back out.

Hey, do you want to see her?

- Who?
- Isabella.

She's...Breathtaking.

Yeah, sure.

Wow.

It's very impressive.

Yeah, she...

She is.

You okay?

No.

Okay, you can get up now.

This eeg will rule out a seizure.

A hypoglycemic seizure?

Hypoglycemic seizures
don't show up on an eeg.

I'm considering a type of epilepsy.

But, yes, it could be
diabetes-related, too,

if that's what you were asking.

A.K.A., a progression of my disease.

Your visual symptoms could indicate

retinopathy,

a known complication.

I chased that painting around the world

for 15 years...

If I go blind...

Then I don't get to look at it again,

at any of my art again.

Eric, you're taking a big leap there.

Once this disease goes bad,

it goes bad pretty quickly.

Okay, um, want you to
look straight ahead for me.

Okay.

Well, I don't see any hemorrhages.

Any, uh, blurry vision or spots lately?

- No.
- Good, okay.

I'm gonna have you see an ophthalmologist

at Hamptons heritage for a retinal exam,

just to be safe.

And, while you're there,

I want you to get an MRI of your back.

An MRI?

You could have a radiculopathy...

Or pinched nerve... from
pulling that curtain open.

Or it could be a neuropathy,
common among diabetics

with decreased blood flow to spinal nerves.

Oh, wonderful. A new perk.

Delightful.

Okay, please just... not here.

I need half a windshield.

I left my nine iron behind, okay?

Okay. Good.

So, what?

Did I do something else wrong?

You did pretty much
everything wrong, Hank.

- Okay.
- Except for one thing.

And what's that?

Ellen.

She's definitely not well.

So you were right about that part.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, the general
just charges ahead and...

Paige holds it all together.

What about
the prescription I left?

And the appointment I made
for her with Dr. Chrissy?

Ellen's tried every drug.

She's tried every type of
counseling there is, basically.

If she's gonna try treatment again,

- it's gotta be something new.
- Right.

She needs hope.

Like real hope.

I happen to have an old friend

who specializes in that area.

I'll make an appointment
to go see her.

Great. Where does she practice?

Brooklyn Heights Mercy Hospital.

You sure you wanna show up there?

You sure you even can show up there?

I guess we'll find out.

Are you sure
that you need this much stuff

for one night in the hospital?

Well... as a public figure.

I'm used to a certain level of comfort.

Yes.

Yes, I understand that you've
been in a few Bollywood films.

Um, heh, a few dozen.

I came here last year to
introduce myself to Broadway.

Diversify my following.

And then these recurring
throat infections happened,

and...
every audition has been a disaster.

I thought hardly anyone

actually sang their own songs in Bollywood.

Yes, hardly anyone but me.

That's how I made my name.

Now, I'm going to have to
make it all over again.

Good.

Okay.

The hospital's admitting process
will be a breeze after this.

Process?

I thought the whole point
of concierge medicine

was to avoid the process.

You know what,
should we just call Hank?

That won't be necessary.

I assure you, Raina,

I will have you and your steamer trunk

squared away in no time.

Oh. Hold on, please.

Hey. What are you up to?

I'm in the city, trying to park.

You know, in the Hamptons,

people leave you more than
two inches between bumpers.

What's in the city?

My successor.

At least, I think so.

I just need to convince him.

Well, good luck trying
to replace yourself.

Mm, thanks, Divya.

Hey, what are you up to?

I am chauffeuring a
patient to the hospital.

Perfect.

I need to ask a favor.

We're short-staffed tonight,
and I was hoping that...

Oh, of course I'll take an extra shift.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

You know I need the money anyway.

I'll keep asking you for
as many favors as I can.

Good luck...

To the both of us.

Hello there.

Hey, Hank. Come in.

Hey, Abby.

Hi.

Thank you for squeezing me in.

You got a very crowded
waiting room out there.

Well, times are tough,

so business is good.

Right.

Sit down. How are you doing?

I'm doing great. Doing great.

How 'bout you?

Fine...
but let's keep this on you.

Uh, okay.

You know, I have to say,

I was surprised to see
your name on my schedule.

It must have taken a lot of courage

for you to come here.

Oh, well, you know, I wouldn't let pride

stand in the way of asking for help.

Well, let's start anywhere you'd like.

Uh, Abby...

Yes.

Are you under the impression

that I came to see you
as a patient?

Well...

With everything you went through...

Oh, God.

I don't know.

You seemed very anxious on the phone.

Yeah, I've got a lot on my mind.

But I recovered just fine
from all I went through.

Thank you.

So if you're not here
to talk about yourself...

I, um, I have a patient who may
be a good candidate for RTMS.

Female, early 50s.

History of depression.

She's tried several meds,

but none with long-term efficacy.

She's not right for it.

Oh.

Really?

'Cause I read a few studies

that called RTMS a promising

and non-invasive method
of hyper-polarization.

You're still very thorough, Hank.

Almost annoyingly so.

Damn, I really aim for irritation.

First of all, RTMS is more effective

earlier in the course of treatment,

and it's a more viable alternative

for patients who have only
failed a single drug regimen.

Okay.

Any other ideas?

Abby...

This woman is desperate.

You paged me?

Riley, meet Divya.

- She works for me.
- Hi.

He says, "hi, big fan of your boss."

What happened to him, doctor?

Lockjaw.

The new $8.00 burger at Toddy B's.

The size of a smart car.

Schedule him for oral surgery.

You could relocate it manually.

Even a sh*t of midazolam
can break the muscle spasms.

Can you handle the labs and the EKG for me?

Of course.

But first,
could I suggest an alternative?

It may prevent the use of intubation

and paralyzing agents.

I'm listening.

I read about this in a
British peer-review journal.

It's worth a sh*t.

So your thought leaders
in the field of dentistry

are the brits?

Riley.

I'm going to gently wedge these

between your upper and lower teeth.

Then I will periodically add more,

further opening your jaw,

until the muscles relax, hopefully.

Trust me, it beats surgery.

Sounds like it's worth a sh*t.

Get to it, Katdare.

I'll go talk to the parents.

I'll be right back, Riley.

Uh...Eric?

Are you okay?

Memorizing Isabella.

If I lose my vision,

I don't want to lose
what matters most to me.

Well, Eric...

Your eeg was negative.

And the ophthalmologist you saw

found no indication of retinopathy.

Yeah, but they found no explanation

for what I was seeing either.

And neither have I, yet.

But let's go one step at a time here.

And what is the next step?

Well, the MRI did confirm
that your back pain

is from a radiculopathy.

I'm having a really difficult time

taking that word seriously.

It's, uh, it's not life-threatening,

but because of your diabetes,

you'll have to go to Hamptons heritage

for the steroid treatment.

That's it?

For now.

That's it.

So how'd you get so into
art in the first place?

Elaina Minatoly.

I'm not familiar with her work.

I'm glad, 'cause she was
my college girlfriend.

Oh. Heh. Okay.

I chased her for four years,

and finally won her over her senior year.

Once we graduated,

she went to study in Florence.

I chased her there too.

You can guess
how that one ended up for me.

She, uh, she broke your heart.

She just left me standing there.

Right on the Ponte Vecchio.

You know, it was the best thing
she had ever done for me.

Because I fell in love all over again.

With art?

Many times,

from paintings to sculptures to...

Murals and frescos.

Every one of them, breathtaking.

Eric, this... this feeling of
having your breath taken away.

Does it happen often when
you look at great art?

Well, isn't that the
definition of great art?

Something that sweeps you off your feet?

Makes you weak in the knees?

And then, once in a while,

brings you to tears.

For collectors, I'm sure it is.

But for doctors, that's actually

the definition of another term.

And what's that?

Stendhal syndrome.

It's a psychosomatic illness that can cause

dizziness, hallucinations,
and even fainting when,

believe it or not,

someone's overwhelmed

by the beauty of a piece of art.

- All right.
- Look, it's a theory.

The mind can play very
powerful tricks with the body.

And I've heard stories

about some of these people.

Tourists visiting the
louvre for the first time.

But there's a difference
between being overwhelmed

and being moved.

Well, that's my theory.

Okay.

Why don't you come back after the party...

So we can test it.

Sure. Great.

Thank you, doctor.

Okay, see you later.

Is everything okay?

Not remotely.
Where did you go?

I was right down...

I was right down the street.

I do have other patients right now.

Not today.
Not according to this.

What's that?

Hank med's promise to stay at my side

throughout my hospitalization.

Hank promised this to you?

No, Edwin did.

And charged me
quite a premium for it.

I'm so sorry, Edwin?

The business guy.

Lots of nervous energy.

Yes, Evan.

Yes, him.

You know, should we just call Hank

to straighten all of this out?

That won't be necessary.

I have got you covered.

Whatever you need right now.

Thank you.

So what do you need right now.

I'm glad you asked.

Here's a list.

All right, babe, you're up.

Park place. I own park place!

You owe me rent.

Actually, uh,

you had to mortgage that property,
my dear,

which is what happens when
you make vanity investments.

But here's what I'm gonna do.

I will buy park place from you for $300

and lift the mortgage.

Everyone goes home a winner.

My offer expires in 15 seconds.

Looks like you need the cash.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, Paige.

- Mrs. Collins.
- Hello.

Hank, what are you doing here?

I asked him to come.

He met with a doctor who,
uh, brought up

a new treatment option.

Is your husband around

to be part of the discussion, Mrs. Collins?

He's not home.

He wouldn't want to be part of it anyway.

He thinks everything's fine, as is.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

So, uh, what did your doctor friend say?

Well...obviously,

she'd like to meet you in person, Mrs.
Collins,

but thinks you may be a
candidate for E.C.T.

I has the highest success rate
of any treatment she uses.

E.C.T.?

We talked about E.C.T. years ago.

What... what is E.C.T.?

I'm sorry, Hank, E.C.T.'s not for us.

Hello, I'm not here just to grill chicken

and build housing empires.

What...

Evan, E.C.T. is shock therapy.

You came here to pitch us shock therapy?

Electroconvulsive therapy

- has changed a lot recently.
- Changed how?

Well, for starters, it's now painless.

Mrs. Collins,
you'd be anesthetized

and monitored throughout the procedure

by an expert staff.

Hank would not endorse this

if it wasn't a good idea.

You don't have to decide right now.

Just give it some thought.

If you want to meet Dr. Burton tomorrow,

I'll take you to Brooklyn myself.

Look, even if it is Stendhal,

there are treatment
options to help you cope.

I need help coping with
this lighting system.

On.

It cost me almost as
much as the painting.

Why do you need it?

Well, it's harmless,

unlike UV and infrared,

and the curtain is for dust and debris.

Paintings are as fragile as humans, doc.

And, uh, harder to repair.

I'm glad I chose the right calling.

Yeah. Let me get the curtain.

Eric, your back.

Let me help you.

Okay, easy.

There you go.

It's happening again, doc.

So it's not the painting,

it's the lighting that's
causing the seizures?

I think
it's a photosensitive reaction

called reflex epilepsy.

Well, the lighting, it didn't come

with that warning on the label.

It's probably an imperceptible flicker

from a defective bulb.

Okay, Eric, this is Dr. Froash.

She specializes in atypical seizures.

She's gonna interpret the
results in real time.

Okay, you can lie back now.

I'm gonna put this cap on your head.

Perfect.

Okay, good to go, Wendy?

Great.

Okay, Eric...

I'm gonna turn your picture
lights back on now.

Lights on.

Eric, are you seeing auras?

Yeah, big time.

Wendy.

Bilateral, high-amplitude,
periodic spikes.

Brain wave pattern shows
pre-seizure activity.

- Okay.
- Lights off.

Wave complexes are dropping.

Eric, tell me what's happening.

It's slowing down.

And, uh...

It's...

Over.

Thank you, Wendy.

My pleasure, Hank.

Best of luck to Mr. Kassabian.

Okay, so I'm allergic to high-end lighting?

I'm guessing
it's just strobe lighting

your brain doesn't like.

- What now?
- Two options:

You can go on an anti-seizure
medicine called depakote.

Or...

You can change the bulb.

Okay.

Well, no offense, doc,

but I'd rather deal with an
electrician than a doctor.

Unfortunately, we still
have to deal with your...

Oh, that ridiculous...

Yeah, let's just call it a pinched nerve.

I'm scheduling you
for a steroid injection

at the hospital tomorrow.

I'd do it myself, but a
direct spinal injection

requires hospital precautions.

The good news is...

Isabella didn't cause any of this.

That's a lot of tongue depressors.

Enough to do the trick, presumably.

You think he's good to go?

Mm, let's find out.

Okay.

Riley, I am gonna rest my thumbs

on your lower molars.

And curve my other fingers

around the outside of your jawbone.

Now I'm gonna push down...

And backward

back into the mandibular fossa.

Hey, Dr. Van d*ke,
be careful not to...

Cover his ears, quickly.

Ohh, son of a bitch!

Dude, I heard that.

Ah, Riley, you just regained
the ability to speak.

That's the first thing you wanna say?

No, it's not.

Thank you, Divya.

Hey.

How's Ellen?

She's willing to see the doctor

and hear about the E.C.T. thing.

Paige convinced her.

That's really good news,
Evan, for everyone.

Yep, Paige said she trusts me

and that I trust you.

Apparently,
that was good enough for Ellen.

Okay.

What does the general think?

Paige was afraid to find out.

So...We're not looping him in just yet.

Okay, I'll take Ellen and Paige

to see Dr. Burton, and she'll explain

the whole procedure to them.

Cool.

But Mr. Kassabian is diabetic, so...

No oral or IV steroids.
Yeah, yeah.

Direct nerve injection only.

Dr. Lawson,
despite my boyish good looks,

this isn't my first day playing doctor.

It isn't mine, either,

which is why I double check
the important stuff.

We will send him back to you

just the way we found him.

I promise.

I see that you have
everything that you need.

I have everything I've asked for.

It is normal to feel
afraid before surgery.

But it'll go fine.

I'm sure it will.

It's what happens next

that scares me.

What do you mean?

Well...

What if I'm healthy,

and I still can't get hired here?

And I can't blame my throat,
only my voice.

Okay, to be honest,

I'm not familiar with your work.

But I'm sure that you are
very good at what you do.

And I am sure that there are plenty
of people here waiting to notice.

General, sir.

I still cannot believe they
gave you the intrepid.

You must have many, many
kills to your name.

Where's Paige?

She is running a little late.

Did she clearly explain your role?

She did, sir.

And I am, uh, more than ready

to meet, greet, and pass along, sir.

Yes, sir. Good.

Very good.

All right, so...

Are you ready to meet the general?

- Yes!
- Oh, come on.

Are you ready to meet the general?

- Yeah!
- Let's this.

Ladies and gentlemen, you're about to meet

our future senator.

Hi, what's your name?

Maggie, very good.
Come over here, Maggie.

This is Jim.
Two tours in Iraq.

Pleasure to meet you.
I'm Evan.

This is Teresa.
Just got back from Afghanistan.

Teresa, how are you?

This is Oliver.

Bronze star awarded.

- I'm pleased to meet you, sir.
- I'm so proud of you.

Can you give me the name
of the gym you work out in?

- What branch of service?
- Okay, never mind.

Water? Water, guys?
Anyone want a water?

Hi. How are you?

Thank you, sir.

I'm parched.

God, I thought that was water.

Well, scotch has some water.

You trying to k*ll me, sir?

Again?

No.

I'm trying to thank you.

This was a big success.

And you were surprisingly competent.

Thank you, sir.

What's he doing here?

With my daughter.

I don't recall my staff
sending you an invite,

Dr. Lawson.

He drove us in.

Me and mom.

Your wife is at Brooklyn
heights mercy hospital.

Getting prepped for E.C.T.

And now he's been looped in.

She doesn't need that treatment.

Sir...she does.

You don't even know her!

Daddy...

I have spent too long

standing in for her at photo ops...

And dinners and book signings.

Too long protecting you
from the truth.

Now it's time to protect mom!

Let Hank do that.

Katdare, you're off the clock?

I'm between patients
at the moment.

Great, radiculopathy, room four.

Mr. Kassabian, I have your
steroid treatment here.

Right, thanks.

Have we met before?

I don't believe so.

Radiculopathy, huh?

That can be...
quite painful.

Yeah, and you guys need to come up

with a more painful-sounding name for it.

I'll mention that at the next meeting.

You sure we haven't met?

Have you been here before?

Mm, no.

Then I'm pretty certain.

Oh, and, uh, I'll get you a prescription

for some oral steroids as well.

Thanks.

I'll admit she's had her bad days.

I know how hard it is to face the truth,

but we're dealing with
more than bad days here.

This is long-term clinical depression.

It's real, it's severe,

and it requires medical attention.

Listen here, young man.

I don't need to be lectured
about what's real.

I'm trying to protect the woman I love

from yet another disappointment.

Because every one is worse
than the one before it.

For all of us.

And there are no guarantees.

But, in my opinion,

this is worth a sh*t.

If she has family support.

You being at her side
may be the difference

between this treatment succeeding

and it being...
just one more good try.

I just wish your family

would stay out of my family's life.

Sir...

Sorbets, smoothies, and lots of fage.

I'll alert the staff right now.

Thank you.

And fage total 0%.

Of course, of course.

And here is something else
to help you through this.

Your iPod?

My iPod.

Your music.

You downloaded one of my songs?

I downloaded all of them.

And I liked every, single one.

Now that I am familiar with your work,

I know that you're good
at what you do.

You're gonna do great, Raina.

In here and out there.

I'm sorry if I was a
little high maintenance.

You? Please.

I'm not your biggest headache?

You don't even know the half of it.

- Hey.
- Oh. Hey!

Need some coffee?

No, just sleep.

But I'm almost there.

Thanks again for taking the shift.

Oh, of course.
How was the city?

Well, the candidate's perfect.

And he can start any time.

Well, that's great.

You'll be back in Uruguay
before you know it.

Yeah.

Wasn't that what you wanted?

It is, it's just...

Real now.

Hey, Ellen...

I'd like to start counting
backwards from ten.

Okay.

Ten.

Nine.

It's gonna be okay.

They're giving your mom
succinylcholine.

It's a paralytic agent used
to induce muscle relaxation.

Dr. Burton is applying conducting
gel to the electrodes.

Now she's attaching the
electrodes to her temples.

Okay.

Now they're gonna use that black box

to pass electric currents
through your mom's brain.

It should induce a controlled seizure,

which alters her chemistry

and hopefully resolves her symptoms.

Here we go.

Okay. Okay.

She took well to it.

- Ohh.
- That's good sign.

You're right, Hank.

E.C.D. is not what it used to be.

Hey.

Hey.

So I'm sorry about your windshield.

I'm not worried about the windshield.

Well, you don't have to
worry about us, either.

I don't.

Thank you for helping Paige's mom.

Evan... we did it together.

I was pretty instrumental.
You're right.

I'm glad Hank med is back
at full force.

Well, 2/3 of our full force
is standing right here.

Who's minding the store?

Don't worry, Divya's keeping
an eye on the Hamptons.

All right, why don't you go

get her excited about my return.

I want it.

Eric?

Eric?

Eric!

Eric, can you hear me?

Eric!

Yeah, this is Dr. Lawson.

I'm at 1 cayne court
with a 35-year-old male

in acute diabetic ketoacidosis.

He was mistakenly
given oral steroids.

He's tachycardic and unresponsive.

I'm intubating, giving 500ccs of saline

and checking his glucose level.
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