[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Ace Ventura...
Alrighty then.
♪ Pet Detective on the run...
[CACKLING]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
♪ Ace Ventura...
[LAUGHING]
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n...
Yes! Yes!
[SCREAMS]
[BELLOWING]
[POLAR BEAR GASPS]
[CHIRPING]
-[BLEATING] -[ALLIGATOR GROWLING]
[SCREAMS]
[HISSING]
-[ROARING] -[SCREAMING]
♪ Ace Ventura...
-[HORN HONKING] -Ace Ventura, Pet detective.
[ANIMAL SOUNDS]
♪ Pet Detective on the run ♪
[CHUCKLING]
Look around you, son.
This is nature, pure and untouched.
[WATCH BEEPING]
Hey, five seconds to Funniest Family Videos!
[LAUGHING]
[GROWLING]
What was that?
Must have been the TV.
[LAUGHING]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[LAUGHING]
[GROWLING]
[GASPING]
[HOWLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Run for your lives!
It's coming!
Help!
All right, all right!
We're gonna break into groups of three and spread out!
Now, let's see what we got here.
We got clubs, bear traps, crossbows, and a chainsaw!
Dibs on the chainsaw!
I saw it first!
No, I did!
-It's mine! -Mine! Mine!
-Mine! -Who cares about the stupid chainsaw?
We got work to do!
Alrighty the... [YELPS]
What was that?
[HOWLING]
It's the k*ller moose!
Cap'n, I cannot see!
Hey, it talks like a man.
Ah.
It is a man.
Dr. Frankenstein, my pleasure.
And you must be Count Dracula.
Oh and I know, don't tell me...
Astro-Zombie, right?
No, I'm Tim.
My mistake.
It seems I was misled by your
lovely house of horrors!
Who are you?
Ace Ventura, Pet Detective!
Ooh, pet detective.
There's a k*ller moose out there, mister, and I aim to stop it.
"k*ller moose"? Bushwa!
Alces alces, whose Algonquin Indian name is moose,
is a timid creature, who feeds primarily on the foliage of trees and aquatic plants.
And has never been known to harm humans.
Yeah? Well I came face-to-face with one of your moose buddies last night...
And he done this to me!
[GASPS]
That's reason enough for me to hunt it down!
Come on, boys!
Drew Talbot, president of the Society of the Friends of the Moose.
I would be honored if you'd stop by my lodge.
Gee, I'd really love to do what you want to do,
but maybe you hadn't noticed.
Innocent moose are about to be harmed, moose friend!
Please.
I can tell you what's really out there.
Reeheeheeheally?
This lodge was created by my great-grandfather
to promote appreciation and understanding of the moose.
It's a pleasure to meet a fellow moose-lover.
I don't think there is any sound so lovely as the call of the North American moose.
Yes.
It sounds something like this.
[CALLING]
No, it sounds more like this.
[HOWLS]
No, that was the mating call of the North American timber wolf.
Sorry you are mistaken.
So, uh, you wanted to tell me something?
Yes. Here it is!
That is not a moose out there.
It's a weremoose.
[SCREAMING]
Long ago there lived a man in these woods
with the reputation as the greatest moose-hunter who ever lived.
He was the terror and the scourge of all moose kind.
But it wasn't enough to bag the biggest moose.
He wanted the Grand High Moose himself.
So, he tracked down the Grand High Moose
and for seven days and seven nights they engaged in an epic struggle.
Finally, the hunter emerged victorious.
But the moose placed a curse on the hunter.
From that day on every night during hunting season, the hunter becomes a monster.
Half-man, half-moose.
Weremoose, huh? Kooky.
Scotty, beam
Mr. Spike and myself back to planet Earth,
so, we can resume our mission...
Beware, beware the weremoose by night.
Go away now.
Bye bye then.
[OWL HOOTING]
Whoever sees the k*ller moose first should signal the others with a hoot and a howl.
I think it should be two hoots and a howl.
-Hoot and a howl! -Two hoots and a howl!
Who cares about the signal!
If you see the moose, sh**t first, signal later!
-[MOOSE GRUNTING] -Shhh.
Qui-et.
Come on, boy, let's go.
We gotta get outta here.
Let's move it.
Giddy up. Yeow!
What was that?
-C'mon, this way. -Uh-oh.
I will divert them with my moose call
[GROWLING AND HOWLING]
[TOGETHER] What was that?
Sounded like a badger!
I've really gotta work on my moose calls, Shoo, shoo!
You can relax. It's safe.
[GRUNTING]
Oh sure, now you move.
[ROARING]
Don't look.
Run!
This can't be happening!
[ROARING]
[GRUNTING AND GROWLING]
Ahh!
Ahh!
-[THUD] -Oh! You know, he's very aggressive for a moose.
Down, boy, down!
That's a good boy. Me friend.
Me speak-um moose.
-[MOOSE CALL] -[SHEEP BLEATING]
[GROWLING]
Gee, I'm really warming up to this "weremoose" theory.
[SCREAMING]
Help! Somebody let me in!
The weremoose is after me!
Please, open up!
Spike! Spike!
You in there? Open up!
It's me, Ace!
Open up, quick!
[SCREAMING]
What the... Aah! Oof!
I think he's beginning to tire.
Woah!
[STRUGGLING, THUMPING]
Had enough?
No pleeease! Pleeease don't eat me!
[COCK CROWING]
And let that be a lesson to you werecreep!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Mornin', Spike!
I got us breakfast!
It's your favorite!
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this weremoose-thing, Spike.
See if you can find anything unusual.
A tooth!
A human tooth!
Never mind. It's one of mine.
A-ha!
A mysterious, barely-visible fiber!
We can now attempt homespun forensic testing to locate its place of origin.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Or we can follow that trail of moose prints.
[SNIFFING]
Okay, sometimes I miss the forest for the trees.
You gotta understand, Spike, I see the big picture...
See! I told you it was a weremoose!
Told ya, told ya, told ya!
-[SQUEALING] -Hold it!
The prints go that way.
B-I-N-G-O
and Bingo was his name-o!
The weremoose is a terrible housekeeper.
-[DOOR OPENING AND CREAKING] -What're you doin' in my cabin?
Aha! Did I say "Bingo was his name-o?"
I meant, Timo!
Tim is the weremoose!
What did you do to my place?
Very clever.
A weremoose poses as a moose hunter!
You some kinda nut?
I ain't no weremoose!
Oh, reeheeheally?
How do you explain this hairbrush covered with moose fur?
Or these antler impressions in your pillow?
Or these cupboards filled with weremoose chow?
Grrrr! Grrrr!
I'll teach you to wreck my place!
[ACE SCREAMING]
Is this Art Deco?
-Yeaah! -Hah!
Heeyah! Hiiiyaa!
I warn you, I am a master of the common household whisk broom!
Yikes!
[GROWLING]
-Wh...where'd he go? -Over here, ugly.
I'm gonna tear you limb from limb.
Not before I give you some of what I got.
C'mon,mano-e-mano!
Hah! Caught in one of your own snares!
♪ The hunter becomes the hunted ♪
Or is that "the hunted becomes the hunter"?
Well, you know what I mean.
There, now there's no chance of breaking loose when you transform into a weremoose.
I ain't no weremoose!
We'll just play the old waiting game and see who's right.
Go fish.
[CHUCKLING]
Spike! You've been cheating!
[CHATTERING]
Now we'll see who the weremoose is!
Waiting.
Still waiting.
Now will you let me go?
How do I know this isn't a trick?
[GRUNTING AND GROWLING]
[SPIKE SCREAMING]
Spike!
Did you bite my monkey?
Pick on someone your own size!
Like him.
He's your size!
Help me! Please help me!
I am small and frail, you are big and strong!
Get me outta this!
Righto.
Promise you won't hurt me if I let you go?
It was a very common mistake, I'm really sorry, really I am.
Get me out!
Go get him sport, I have complete confidence in you.
Grr!
[GRUNTS]
[HOWLING]
Gee, I didn't realize there'd be more than one weremoose!
[GROWLING]
The good news is, they're only weremoose till dawn!
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Nine hours from now, I see.
Unless... [CROWS LIKE A COCK]
It worked! Exit, stage right!
[BOTH] Huh?
[ROARING]
Weremoose alert! Weremoose alert!
What do you want, moose-lover?
Your friend Tim, is a weremoose and he has a weremoose pal!
Nobody calls my friend a weremoose.
Take care now, bye-bye then.
Weremoose alert! Weremoose alert!
Let me in!
I forgot that doesn't work.
This is Ed MacLean from Publisher's Playhouse.
Really?
Oh, Ed!
What'd I win? What'd I win?
Sorry, wrong door.
Weremoose alert! Weremoose alert!
Ummm...
Is this the way to Highway ?
We gotta find Drew Talbot.
He'll know what to do.
Anybody home?
He's not here.
The book.
Let's see.
"Weremole," "weremongoose," "weremoose"!
Whoever is bitten by the original weremoose becomes a weremoose.
Well that explains a lot.
The only way to break the curse of the weremoose
is by destroying the sacred talisman of the weremoose.
What's a talisman?
It's Drew!
It's Drew and a bunch of weremoose!
Silence!
I call to order the Royal Assembly of Weremoose!
Think that's the talisman?
It might be a charm, or a trinket, perhaps it's a mood disco ring thing.
Only one way to find out.
Spike, create a diversion.
That was not what I had in mind.
Spike! What have they done to you?
[HOWLING]
[LAUGHING]
I was expecting you, Mr. Ventura.
So, you're the original weremoose!
The ringleader, the grand poohbah, the big cheese.
And, as the original weremoose,
you have the power to transform at will
while everyone you bite becomes your mindless weremoose sl*ve!
[GROWLING]
I tried to tell you all this before, Mr. Ventura.
As a fellow moose-lover, I thought you might join me of your own free will.
I will grant you special powers
and together we shall create a race of moosemen!
[LAUGHING]
You maniac!
You disappoint me, Mr. Ventura.
Now I shall take great pleasure in making you one of us.
[LAUGHING]
Hey, nice talisman!
[ROARING]
Hold it!
Be a shame if something should happen to this.
[ALL GASP]
[ALL GASP]
[ALL SIGH IN RELIEF]
Woah! Hey!
Oops!
Clumsy me!
Whoa! Oh! Butterfingers!
Any closer, and I'll sit on this!
Wouldn't want it to cr*ck now, would we?
Now I suggest you all just butt out!
[MUNCHING]
Yeeeeeeow! Etu, Spike?
[GROANING]
Must,
call for,
help!
Got to get it right this time!
No excuse.
[HOWLS]
Get 'em, boys!
[HOWLING]
[CHATTERING]
No, I cannot be defeated!
I am the original weremoose!
I must transform!
[STRAINING]
I wouldn't strain too hard, Drew.
You might bust a buttock.
[STRAINING]
In honor of these brave moose,
we lay down our weapons
and usher in a new age of peace and harmony
between man and moose.
I ain't givin' up my chainsaw. That's for sure.
That's my chainsaw!
I saw it first!
-Gimme that! It's mine!-It's mine!
But most of all, we'd like to thank Ace Ventura, Pet Detective!
See? It's right here!
"He who destroys the talisman, will be rewarded
"with the noble antlers of The Grand High Moose himself."
That's what we get for not reading the fine print!
This is going to be fun.
[CHATTERING]
The fine print says I can make the antlers disappear by rubbing them with moosebane?
Where are we gonna find moosebane in Miami?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]