[THEME SONG PLAYING]
♪ Ace Ventura
All righty, then.
♪ Pet detective on the run
[LAUGHS]
[TRUMPETS]
♪ Ace Ventura
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n
Yes, yes!
Whoa!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Aah!
Aah!
♪ Ace Ventura
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
[LAUGHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN : Ladies and gentlemen, pet detectives and monkeys.
On your right you can see the jungle island of Timbuktu-toodledoo.
And if you look to the left, you can see... [SNIFFS]
Gross!
I specifically asked for the non-scratching section.
Where are my peanuts?
When's the in-flight movie start?
Oh, stewardess, can I change my seat
or get some peanuts?
What the...
Mama.
This is the captain speaking, abandon ship, we're going down!
[ALL SCREAM]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
I'll jump first with my parachute and primate.
I want to make sure it's safe for the rest of you.
Ah, sorry, folks, it seems like we had a false alarm.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
I guess this proves it, no good deed goes unpunished.
Note to self, wear a cup next time.
[GROANS]
Like a glove.
Gorillas in my midst.
Apparently, I've landed in a domain
of Spike's jumbo cousins from out of state.
The mountain gorilla, eight feet tall and pounds.
The world's largest living primate.
[SNIFFS]
Hmm, what's that aftershave you're wearing?
Ode to banana.
Ace Ventura, pet detective. Mind if I use your phone?
Hey, those are not free, you know.
[GROWLS]
It's been absolutely delightful.
Ta-ta. Got to go. I'm late for my bikini wax.
[GRUNTS]
Sure. Let's do everything you wanna do.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[GLASS BREAKING]
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHS]
Uh-oh.
[GROANS]
[CHATTERING]
[LAUGHS]
For the last time my name is not Semore Butts.
[LAUGHING]
[BURPS]
Hi, Mom.
I didn't mean to stay out all night but the car broke down.
[GRUNTS]
Watch it, Banana Queen.
I bruise easily.
Behold,
for I am the Lying King.
[ALL GIBBERING]
Oh, no, I've been adopted.
Mama.
[ACE BURPS]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
WOODSTOCK: What's the password?
[CHATTERS]
-Whole wheat or rye? -Rye.
Hey, it's a chimp off the old block.
Oh, howdy, monkey man of Chabots. Uh-huh, yeah, right.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Wow, Ace is stranded in the deepest darkest jungle.
Ordinarily, I avoid the outdoors like you avoid a flea dip
but it's up to us to save our main man alone.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
ACE: Match point.
Well played.
Bravo!
Winner moves up the evolutionary scale three places.
Now let's work on that backhand.
You've got the opposable thumb.
Let's use it to your advantage.
Ready. Oops.
Clumsy me.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Hmm.
It seems the ball landed farther away than I thought like Miami.
A large object, furry, warm.
Could it be William Shatner's toupee?
[IMITATES BUZZER] Wrong answer.
I'll try angry gorilla mothers for .
Owie. Owie. Owie!
Does this mean I don't get the car for the weekend?
Great. Gorilla day care.
Hey, papillon, what are you in for?
Owie!
I'll be so glad when school starts.
WOODSTOCK: Hey, Spike, my main man drill. No, over here.
Isn't she a beauty?
It's amazing what you can buy on the internet.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
REPORTER: And now here's the local news.
A mysterious jungle man
has been spotted living with the rare mountain gorillas
in the jungles of Timbuktu-toodledoo.
Hear that, Tutu, the missing link.
My ticket to riches fame and the cover ofPeople Magazine...
[g*n COCKING]
And I'll bring you that crazy missing link dead or alive.
Oh, my name isn't Jungle Joe.
[CHEWING]
[GULPS]
[LAUGHING]
Good dog, Tutu.
[LAUGHING]
According to my calculations,
we'll be arriving at Timbuktu-toodledoo in less than . hours.
[GROANS]
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Oh, my mistake. That's . hours.
[GAGS]
Ow!
Oh, is there an aspirin tree nearby?
What do I have to do to graduate from this crazy monkey school anyway?
[GROWLING]
Thanks for the food tip, jungle friend, but no thanks.
I'm on SlimFast.
You know what would go great with that? Ketchup.
I'll just run down to the market and get a gorilla-size bottle.
Back soon or maybe never.
Oh! Hi, Mom.
This is a perfect time to set up my base of operations,
little Spike of electricity.
I can easily track Ace by his irregular jazzy heartbeat.
Once I upload the signal route it through my tracking station
and bounce it off my private X satellite,
I can triangulate Ace's coordinates
and we can detect our favorite pet detective in no time.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
I've begged elephants, lions, tigers,
and once threw a saddle over free willy
but I've never caught a missing link.
Let's get this party started.
[WHIRRING]
[MOOS]
You'll be the envy of all the girls down at the watering hole.
[LAUGHING]
Ah!
Fiber.
Whoo!
Do not go in there.
[APES GROANING]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[HORN HONKS]
Rush hour. [LAUGHING]
So where are we going?
No, wait, don't tell me. The movies.
A Chinese restaurant, a back-shaving contest?
It's my graduation present, isn't it?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
A banana tree.
What a shock!
And take that crazy alarm system.
So let me guess
if I bring back some of those big bananas,
I'll no longer be a baby gorilla,
I'll be a man
or a gorilla or a man-in-law.
I'll get the bananas and you guys bring the ice cream.
Let's split.
Let's see. [LAUGHS]
What would a lion want for a midday snack?
Pretzels, corn nuts, gazelle?
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,
it's me, your friendly neighborhood gazelle.
Just prancing through the clearing, minding my own business.
Now boarding Gate Gazelle Express.
Bon voyage. Don't forget to write.
[LAUGHS]
[PANTING] I can almost smell the freedom!
[SNIFFS]
Although that could be my shorts. Yuck!
I am free, free as the wind blows, free as the grass grows.
I put the free and Fritos.
Yes, yes, yes!
-[VEHICLE APPROACHING] -Huh?
I want the missing link, Tutu,
and while we're at it, we'll bag a few gorillas to cover our expenses. [LAUGHS]
Oh, really!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Lookout, Tutu, it's raining coconuts.
Hmm.
Well, it is a rainforest. [LAUGHS]
Quickly, Tutu, my trained hunting instincts tell me
that the mountain gorillas are this way.
Whoa!
Jungle rule number one, always pay attention to where I put my feet.
[GRUNTING]
Whoa! Oh, my back!
Oh, oh, Mommy. [GROANS]
Ding. First floor, women's lingerie, broken backs,
and loo-hoo-sers, Dr. Ace Ventura, jungle chiropractor.
Pull up a stool.
You're early,
but I think I can squeeze you in.
The first thing we must do is straighten out the bulge.
My assistant will begin with the full body massage.
Oh, Hunger.
[TRUMPETS]
Trust me you'll feel better in the morning. Maybe.
[LAUGHS]
[GROANING]
[SIGHS] What a day!
Tomorrow we'll get those mountain gorillas for sure. Sleep tight, Tutu.
Tummy trouble, Tutu. I think I've got some antacid in my bag.
[WHIMPERS] Run!
Oh! Mommy!
Nice doggy. I'll send the check to your agent.
This river shall take us right to the gorillas, Tutu.
What was that?
Shark off the portside.
Gadzooks! The missing link.
Wow.
Oh, watch out, Tutu.
He's got the deadliest hair in the jungle.
You know at Disneyland there's a two-hour wait for this around!
Loo-hoo-se-hers.
And we were just starting to bond.
Bye-bye now. Send postcards.
All right. A little to the left.
-Excellent, Jumbo. -[TRUMPETS]
Just one more minor adjustment and everything will be in position.
Yes, yes. Can you feel it?
I'll always be a monkey jungle guy, jungle guy.
A monkey jungle guy, jungle guy, monkey jungle guy.
[LAUGHS]
All righty, then.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Spike!
Nice to see you. Any trouble finding the place?
Well, well, well, Ventura, Ace Ventura.
Why, look, Spike, it's Bungle Joe.
That's Jungle Joe.
Okay, Mr. Swing Set.
Jungle Joe!
Okay, Mr. Monkey Bars.
I'll take care of you, yeah, then I'll grab a few of these gorillas.
Oh, good plan, Captain IQ.
Did you think that all up by your little khaki self?
Welcome to Jungle Dates.
Our first contestant is Judy.
She likes bananas, beetles,
and she goes positively ape for loo-hoo-se-hers.
Don't they make a cute couple?
Saturday night, check my schedule.
[ALL GROWLING]
[GROWLS]
All righty, then.
Uh-oh. Must have misdialed.
No rent, no Shickadance, and a furry family of my very own.
I could stay here forever.
I know I have to return to my own people.
[ALL CRYING]
I'll treasure it until it turns brown and smells.
I'll miss you most of all, Mom.
That and going to the bathroom outdoors.
[GRUNTS]
All righty, then.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
I told you to go before we left.
There, all of my equipment is finally in position.
[SPIKE CHATTERS]
Shh, not now, Maine monkey mana two. I've almost got it.
[BEEPS]
If my calculations are correct, Ace Ventura is right here.
Hi, man of the jungle.
I thought you had a real challenge for me.
Always the hippie of the micro chippy a Woodstock pile.
Well, it's the thought that counts.
[LAUGHING]
It feels good to be back in civilization.
Cut it out. I was saving that one.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]