02x47 - The Spider and the Lie

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Hey, now... ♪

♪ Hey, wow... ♪

♪ Here's how ♪

♪ Come and read ♪

♪ Between the lions ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Come in ♪

♪ Begin ♪

♪ The world awaits ♪

WOMAN: ♪ Between the lions ♪

♪ Between the covers of a book ♪

♪ It's time to look between the lions ♪

♪ Behold the tales beyond the tails ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Behind the door ♪

♪ Become, explore ♪

♪ Come in between the lions ♪

♪ Begin between the lions ♪

♪ Be here between the lions! ♪

( Click groaning )

May I request a switch to a clockwise rotation?

I am getting dizzy!

Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, sorry, Click.

I was just concentrating.

You know, half of writing is thinking

hearing the characters talking in your head

like, I'm hearing Leona say...

What's shaking, Lionel, baby?

Is that what you had in mind?

What are you writing, Lionel?

I'm working on my story.

It's coming along so great.

It's in the crime genre.

What's the, um...

crime, uh... blah-blah?

"Genre," a distinctive style

of literary composition

from the French genre, meaning "kind."

And my story is in the crime genre.

You know, like the Sam Spud detective mysteries.

Oh!

Oh, I like the cute animal genre.

Can you write in the cute animal genre, Lionel?

Oh, come on, Leona, I'm trying to concentrate.

Take a powder, dollface.

"Take a powder, dollface"?

That's the way they talk in the crime genre.

Well, see you later, alligator!

Hmm?

That's how they talk

in cute animal genre.

Okay, where were we?

Hmm...

LIONEL ( composing ):

We were stacking returned books, stamping them--

you know, library stuff.

CHICKEN:

Huh?

Okay...

ALL: Oh.

What the heck was that?!

We'd better go check.

I'm the responsible one.

( chicken screams )

Hey, wait for me!

Sometimes.

I knew Leona would be fine-- she's young, but she's no fool.

Unfortunately, somebody was about to play her for one.

Hiya, cupcake.

Am I right in assuming

that this is where one would take out a book

if one was to want to read one?

Yes, it is, sir.

Um, may I please have your library card?

Ooh, yeah, let's see...

My card, my library card, of course.

What did I do with it?

Oh, I remember, yeah!

( chortles )

I forgot it.

Well, sir, that... that is a problem, you see

because, well, I'm not allowed to give you a book

without a library card.

Oh, come on! Please?

Oh, pretty please?

I'll bring it back tomorrow, I promise-- please?

Come on, you got lots of books...

Hey, Lionel?

( yells )

What?!

Why didn't Leona simply issue him

a temporary library card to use until he brings in his card?

We do that, you know.

Hmm...

Hmm...

( gasps )

Better.

Thanks.

But Leona still wasn't changing her mind.

I'm very sorry, sir, but, well, how do I know

that you'll bring it back for sure?

Just then... the monkey spotted a spider.

Hey, look, you see that spider on that book?

Yeah, he can be our witness--

someone who saw what happened.

He heard the whole conversation.

I promise-- in front of that spider--

that I will return that book tomorrow.

Well, um...

Okay.

Okay, I mean

now that we have a witness

I feel much better about it.

Oh, great.

Yeah, I think I can do it.

There you go.

Thanks a lot.

Enjoy the book.

Oh, I will.

( laughs sinisterly )

Poor kid, he took her straight down Chump Street

in a leaky canoe.

Lionel, where's Chump Street?

( sighs )

It's an expression, Click.

A chump is somebody who gets tricked.

And she's in a canoe that leaks?

No, no, no, she's at the front desk--

you know, it's just a funny way

of saying she's headed for trouble.

It's, um... writerish.

Hmm, interesting.

Thanks.

On a street... in a canoe...

Hey, who's writing this, you or me?

You are.

Thank you.

But a canoe?

Click...!

( growls )

You have to help me.

There's something itching inside my head.

Okay, no problem, Buster.

Open up so we can see, um...

Inside?

Yeah!

Okay.

We can't see anything, Buster.

Open, uh...

Wider?

Yeah!

Yeah.

Okay, how's this?

It's a... it's a...

Spider?

Yeah!

( both scream )

( laughs )

The old rubber-spider- inside-your-head trick.

Works every time!

( laughs )

How's it going, Spidey?

This your first time on TV?

Oh, and now, the out-of-sight Martha Reader

and those mighty Vowelles sing the long "i"-- "eye"-- sound

in the word "kite"!

( singing long "i" sound to popular music )

( repeating long "i" sound )

MONKEYS: "Kite"!

( monkeys hooting )

( sounding out word ): "S..." "sm..." "smi..."

"Sm... ile."

"Smile..."

"Smile."

"Smile."

"Smile."

Smile.

( music begins playing )

CHILD: ♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ Got a good reason to write. ♪

♪ When it's my brother's birthday ♪

♪ I write his name on the cake ♪

♪ When we go on a car trip ♪

♪ We write the roads that we take ♪

♪ When my poor dog was missing, we wrote a flyer to post ♪

♪ When it was Halloween, we wrote "Beware of the ghost." ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ Got a good reason to write. ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ Got a good reason to write. ♪

♪ When Mom heads to go shopping, I help her write up the list ♪

♪ When I sent friends a postcard ♪

♪ I wrote "XX" for a kiss ♪

♪ And I wrote down your number so I can call on the phone ♪

♪ And I wrote lots of reasons to write for fun all alone. ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ Got a good reason to write. ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ I got a reason... ♪

♪ Got a good reason to write. ♪

( song ends )

Ooh, what happens?

What happens?!

The monkey.

Look, Lionel, it's him, it's him--

the monkey who took the book.

The monkey who took the book?

Yes.

LEONA: Excuse me.

Excuse me, Mr. Monkey, I hope you remembered

to bring back that book like you promised.

Book? Uh, what book?

The one that you borrowed...

without a card, remember?

I don't recall borrowing no book, uh-uh.

But... but you did.

Don't... don't you remember me?

And you promised to bring it back.

And the spider-- remember, that spider was our witness.

Look, I never borrowed no book.

I never saw no spider!

And I've never seen you before in my life!

Okay?

( all gasp )

( pounding gavel )

Okay, sweetheart--

so, tell me one more time, because I'm confused:

This monkey wanted to take out a book with no library card?

Mm-hmm, yes, and he said he'd return it the very next day

but then he didn't.

He said he never borrowed the book.

Hey! She's a big, fat liar!

Hey, monkey, please refrain from commenting

on the character of the plaintiff.

Well, she is.

Hey...

Sorry.

ALL THREE: We believe you, Leona.

MONKEY: Of course they do--

they're her parents.

Hey, my parents believe me, too.

Right, Mom, Dad, huh?

What? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, what a good boy!

Yeah, you see?

And my lawyer believes me.

Excuse me, monkey, sir

but your lawyer lies like a rug.

RUG: Is that bad?

( both laughing )

You may step down, cutie pie.

Thank you.

Ho, that's a good one!

CLICK: So, let me get this straight--

his lawyer is a rug?

Yeah, funny, right?

Get it?

Because he "lies" like a rug.

( chuckles )

Oh, a pun!

Uh, yeah.

Let's get back to the story.

And then the judge turned to the monkey...

( pounds gavel )

Uh... my side?

( cheering )

Excellent!

Gawain here once again at Blending Fields

where two brave knights in armor

will charge together at high speed and make a word!

Competing today we have Sir Ch...

( cheering )

And Sir Ime.

( cheering )

Blend on, dudes!

( cheering )

( chimes ringing )

"Chime"! Excellent!

That's Gawain's word for today!

And this is Gawain saying it would be a crime not to...

see you next time on...

( phone rings )

( cries out )

( phone rings )

Oh, oh!

( phone rings )

Barnaby B. Busterfield III Memorial Public Library.

Information Hen speaking.

( voice speaking gibberish over phone )

Ooh! Deep question.

I'll have to look that up.

Oh, oh, wait a minute, wait, wait.

There it is, there it is.

"When your clock strikes 25, it's time to get a new clock."

( laughing and clucking )

Oh, you're very welcome... any time, Mr. Hawking, any...

Time! Any time!

( laughing and clucking )

That's funny, Mr. Hawking, isn't it?

( singing a cappella in '50s doo-wop style )

ANNOUNCER: A fiery horse, a cloud of eraser dust

and a hearty "Hi-yo, Hiho, away!"

with his trusty sidekick, Russell Upsome-Grub...

( whip cracks )

MAN ( groaning ): Oh, oh, my...

Afternoon.

Lone, did you notice anything odd about that--

the horse riding on that cowboy?

Didn't have a seat belt on.

Well, yes, but besides that.

MAN: All right, you two lawbreakers

are under arrest!

LONE: Sheriff

I have never broken any law

be it civil, grammatical or gravitational.

Well, you're breaking one now.

Hiho, shine some light on this.

( whinnies )

We must obey the law, Russell.

Hold on just a smidge.

Lone, I think that sign might need a bit of rearranging.

( Hiho whinnies )

( whip cracks )

Hey, that makes more sense.

Who was that banana- nose-masked stranger?

We didn't even get a chance to thank him.

Or ask him if he knows a good chiropractor.

Why must you always yell in that poor horsey's ears?

TROOPS ( chanting ): ♪ A, E, I, O, U ♪

♪ Sometimes Y's a vowel, too ♪

♪ Sound off-- A, E ♪

♪ Sound off-- I, O, U ♪

♪ Sound off-- A! E! I! O! U! ♪

♪ Y, too! ♪

All right, lower-case letterheads!

Move it! Move it! Move it!

( vowels blathering )

Wake up! Wake up!

This isn't Camp Itty-bitty-kitty Time!

This is Vowel Boot Camp!

Now, sound off!

A!

E!

I!

O!

U!

( weakly ): Y!

SERGEANT: Do we have an L

trying to infiltrate the Vowel Squad?

Or did Private I forget to dot himself this morning?

Sorry, sir.

Front and center, I!

State your long and short sounds!

"Eye" is my long sound, "ih" is my short sound, sir.

SERGEANT: Suddenly an "r" and a "p" catch you

in a pincher action.

Your sound, soldier?

( makes short "i" sound )

Word?!

"Rip."

Now suppose an "e"

slips in on his right flank.

without making a sound.

What's the drill, soldiers?

( chanting )

And now what's your sound, Private I?

( makes long "i" sound )

A word?

"Ripe."

Yes, "ripe"!

Ha, let's rip it up, Vowel Squad, and go make some words.

Forward... march!

( all yelling )

( grunts )

Hey, keep that up and you'll be stripped of your stripes!

TROOPS ( chanting ): ♪ I, O, U ♪

♪ Sound off-- A! E! I! O! U! ♪

♪ Y, too! ♪

And now a word from Mr. Al Roker.

"Chilly."

( applause )

Oh, oh, Mr. Roker

that was magnificent!

Thank you very much.

It is chilly.

It is!

It's time to get your mouth moving...

FRED ( singing ):

♪ You got to get your mouth moving... ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth grooving... ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth, get your mouth, get your mouth ♪

♪ Get your mouth, get your mouth moving, time to jam ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth moving, ready, set! ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth grooving, don't forget! ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth, get your mouth, get your mouth ♪

♪ Get your mouth, get your mouth moving ♪

♪ Aw, you bet! ♪

♪ Some folks shrink ♪

♪ They say they think ♪

♪ That it just isn't in ♪

♪ But hold on tight ♪

♪ You know you got a right ♪

♪ To take your mouth out for a spin! ♪

♪ Yeah, some folks fudge, they just won't budge ♪

♪ They sit there like a lump ♪

♪ But I say, "Bub, well, there's the rub! ♪

♪ You got to get up and make your mouth jump!" ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth bopping ♪

♪ Don't you stop! ♪

♪ You got to get your chops hopping ♪

♪ Till you drop! ♪

♪ You got to get your mouth ♪

♪ Get your mouth ♪

♪ Get your mouth, get your mouth bopping ♪

♪ Let it pop! ♪

( pops cheek, laughs )

( song ends )

CLICK: So...

continue, continue!

And I fail to see why you need a pencil

when you have a state-of-the-art computer.

Ah...

Writers need pencils; you can't chew on a computer.

Hmph!

Oh, right.

( gasps )

"And then the judge said..."

So, did you promise that little cub over there

that you'd bring back a book

and then you didn't, hmm?

No! It never happened, I tell you.

I never took the book she said I did.

I never said what she said I said

and I never saw that little fur ball in my life!

RUG: If there is no book, then he is not a crook.

If he says it's not so, you must let him go!

You, rug! Lie down!

Okay.

Theo and Cleo, you may cross-examine.

The spider.

( clears throat )

Uh, Mister...

Monkey...

( clangs )

Can you tell the court your full name, please?

Monkey C. Monkeydew.

That's my name, don't wear it out.

( guffaws )

Mr. Monkeydew...

Did you happen to see anything

or anyone unusual

when you spoke with this...

this adorable, innocent little lion yesterday?

I already told you

I did not talk to Miss Lion yesterday.

Is that so?

Then I suppose you didn't notice

that there was a witness to the scene-- a spider.

( laughing )

A spider?!

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Ouch!

A spider who heard everything...

who heard you promise...

a spider on your hat!

( laughing )

That shows how much you know!

The spider wasn't on my hat.

The spider was on that bookcase over there.

BOTH: Aha!

So you admit there was a spider there.

And that spider was present when you talked to Leona...

When you promised her you would return that book!

Is that correct, Mr. Monkeydew?

If that is your real name.

Well, uh, I, uh... well, I...

BOTH: Is that correct, Mr. Monkeydew?!

Yes! Yes! I admit it!

I lied!

I did it!

I lied about the whole thing!

I'm a big, fat liar!

Oh!

( crowd talking excitedly )

Order in the court!

( pounds gavel )

No more questions, Your Honor.

I think we know who was telling the truth here.

Leona Lion was telling the truth.

BOTH: Yeah!

Guilty!

( pounds gavel )

I sentence you to saying you're sorry

and bringing back that book as soon as possible.

Not a problem.

Here.

I'm really sorry.

I just couldn't afford a library card.

( gasps )

ALL: But they're free!

Free?

You're kidding.

I didn't know that.

Wow!

Come to the front desk before you leave, Mr. Monkeydew.

We'll get your forms all filled out.

Great.

Yeah, and in the meantime

we'll give you a temporary library card.

I really ought to have my own TV show.

Dad, Mom, let's never lie again.

Okay.

Sure.

You hungry?

Oh, I'm starving!

LEONA: Oh, you were so good!

You want a sandwich?

Fantastic, fabulous!

I wouldn't change a word.

I kind of like it myself.

Hey, let's print it up and make a book out of it!

LEONA: Hey, guys!

Hey, guys!

Mom and Dad just read me the best new story!

Yeah?

It's in the folk tale genre.

Cool.

It's called The Fly and the Lie

and it's from Vietnam.

Yeah, and it's about these two guys, you see

and one wants to steal the gold from the other one.

And so he says that it's okay

because there's this fly on the wall

and that will be their witness.

But then the second guy, he fools him later on

by telling him

that the fly is in a different place.

Whoa!

Yeah, it's so cool!

Yeah, hey, this is incredible!

This sounds just like my story-- only different.

( laughs )

Barnaby B. Busterfield III had a spider

And inside his head is where Barnaby would hide her.

( laughs )

Take that, Mother Goose!

( laughs, hoots )

Just goes to show you

there are a lot of genres in the naked city.

"And they lived happily ever after."

Read to a child once a day

and she'll learn happily ever after.

Be a designated reader.

"Happily ever after."

Very good, Leona.

♪ ♪ ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Between the lions... ♪

♪ Between the lions... ♪

WOMAN: ♪ Come in between the lions ♪

♪ Begin between the lions ♪

♪ Be here between the lions! ♪