[Velma] Previously on Velma...
Fred, this is my living
grandmother, Dr. Edna Perdue.
[gasps] What?
Oh, God. No.
My mother really was a k*ller.
Wait. What's going on?
What am I?
Velma, I have to
tell you something.
Hmm?
I really like Amber.
Okay...
But...
I like you more.
And that's it.
That's all I have to tell you.
So not only were all the
victims aware of Project SCOOBI,
they took a meeting with
a lawyer at the hospital.
Do you remember
what he looked like?
Yes.
- It was your dad.
- [all gasp]
What?
[Velma] Spend enough
time solving mysteries,
and you learn that
everyone's hiding something.
I don't know nothing
about no murders.
Well, we tried. Can't
blame us for asking.
[Velma] You also learn that
people hate hiding things.
Okay, fine. You got me.
I'll tell you everything I know.
[Velma] Telling the truth always
feels better, which is great,
because in addition to saving
lives and helping people,
another reason I love
solving mysteries
is to hear people's
messed up junk.
Stop. This messed up
junk is classified.
I'm shutting this
interrogation down
on behalf of the US m*llitary.
[Velma] But just like a man
with a big, expensive car,
you can't keep your messed
up junk hidden forever.
Secure the area. No
one gets in or out.
You have to tell
Velma what you know.
And stop making toilet wine.
You're under m*llitary
house arrest, not in jail.
Telling Velma would
only make things worse.
Also did you put my
shiv in the dishwasher?
Telling me what? How you
know about the murders?
How you're the link
between all the victims?
Why the toilet is
stained purple?
I can't talk about
the murders, Velma.
The army would
disappear me forever.
Sophie wants me to tell you that
the night after the seance...
[Amanda through Babble Box] Daddy
and I saw Daphne cheat on you.
What? Give me your shiv.
[theme music playing]
- [gasps]
- [bag thuds]
Oh, God.
See, this is why we
don't do chores, Amanda.
So that's what my
dad said happened.
And now, I don't
know what to do.
Do I break up with her?
Or do I hold it against
her and use it as an excuse
for every bad thing I do
for the rest of my life?
You came to the right place.
As popular girls, we're experts in
cheating and getting cheated on.
[Brenda's brain] And
this is really bad.
I mean, you didn't
just get cheated on.
You got cheated on before
tomorrow's field trip to Sacramento.
It's a six-hour bus
ride to the city
equivalent of a
six-hour bus ride.
You know what that means.
[gasps] Oh, no. Bus gossip.
Rumors expand to
fill the boredom,
destroying innocent
reputations just for fun.
Mary Louis had to get
an emotional support dog
just because kids said she put
her mouth on the water fountain.
And it wasn't even
her. It was me.
Okay. But won't everyone
just be focused on the fact.
Gigi's dad has my dad under house
arrest in connection to the murders?
Only if we fight about it.
And as always, my dad
promised me a new phone
if I swallowed my
questions about his work.
- So I'm good if you are.
- I am.
But how do I keep
people from seeing
things aren't normal
between Daphne and me
and spreading mean rumors?
Maybe we just need
to talk it out.
Womano a womano.
[Krista's brain] Talk it out?
This isn't Camp David, Velma!
And it's not just your
reputation on the line.
If Daphne doesn't pay,
she'll cheat on you again.
I know I would!
So the plan is you'll become
the best girlfriend ever.
Like, take her podcast
recommendations level girlfriend,
but also keep her at a distance
to make her want you like crazy.
Then when you have her
in the palm of your hand,
you confront her about cheating
in the middle of the State
Capitol building rotunda.
The only thing people will
gossip about after that
is where we should hold
Daphne's social funeral.
So the only way to keep from
being destroyed socially by rumors
is to destroy Daphne first?
Exactly. You're, like,
so good at being popular.
[sighs] Okay, if that's
how it has to be.
- [Donna yawns] Good morning, class.
- [Linda yawning]
It's field trip time.
As devoted mothers,
we'll be your chaperones.
And as victims of
education budget cuts,
we'll also be your tour guides.
So today, we'll see the Capitol,
learn Leland Stanford
was a monster...
And then end the day by
forgetting all our troubles
at the amusement park.
Whoo-hoo!
Wait. Why aren't you
cheering? We're kids.
Amusement parks were made for us
and adults with
bad personalities.
Do we tell him?
He might go "minorly-inconvenienced
teenager" on us.
[sighs] Sweetie, look around.
You're not in middle
school anymore.
The only roller coaster
these kids care about
is the emotional roller
coaster of hooking up.
What? That can't be true.
[gasping]
[beeps]
- No.
- [Lola's brain] Did you bring it?
One blanket to cover us.
People will think we're napping,
but really, we're hooking up.
[Lola's brain] Brilliant.
Just one thing.
Have you thought
about how we hook up?
I'm down for anything.
I just don't want
to get a concussion.
Okay, well, tell me if
I'm moving too fast.
But I thought maybe we
could read to each other
from the classic,
erotically charged novel,
Portnoy's Complaint?
[Lola's brain] Oh, Norville!
- [yawns]
- Okay.
I spent all night imagining
Daphne's make out sesh with Amber
to psych myself
up to destroy her.
Wait. No. I'm starting to cry.
Velma, play it cool.
Bus gossip is a terrible
beast, and it feasts on tears.
Oh. We haven't even left yet
and we already have [in
sing-song voice] a crier.
- Oh, no.
- Hey, Velma. What's wrong?
[sniffles] Nothing, nothing.
I'm just overwhelmed by
this opportunity to hug you.
Damn it. False alarm.
[chuckles] Well, then, good
thing I brought a blanket.
Whoa.
But I actually have
to sit next to Gigi.
As long as we seem good with
her dad detaining my dad,
the kids won't be
interested in gossip.
And we are good.
Thanks to my dad's
preference to bribe me
rather than just tell me
what the hell is going on.
It's all good.
Are you sure?
I always thought that when I
was on the California 33 North,
it would be with my girlfriend,
spreading mean rumors
to pass the time.
I know. But since we
can't sit together,
I made you this care package.
- Oh, wow. Face lotion and body lotion.
- [whirs]
And hand lotion.
Is it all lotion? Because
that's my dream gift.
Hmm. Why are you
acting weird, Velma?
You're acting weird, Amber.
[gasps] Drama.
I mean, see you on the bus.
[exhaust puffs]
Well, this care package makes
me feel even worse, Amber.
We have to tell her what we did,
even if it threatens
your moral superiority.
What we did? Uh,
that was all you.
And I'll always be
morally superior.
I'm the only one in school
not looking at Brenda's nudes.
- That's an MRI.
- I don't have time for this.
I have to talk to Fred.
Fred. Hey, I have something
that might interest you.
And not just the
novelty of a pairing
we haven't seen
before. [Chuckles]
Sacramento is a
deeply haunted place.
Want to catch a ghost?
Nah. Now that I know that my mom wasn't
possessed, I don't believe in ghosts.
Except for the ghost
of my childhood.
- [all moaning and kissing]
- [girl giggles]
Ugh.
Oh, look who's trying
to claw their way
back up the social
ladder after the seance.
I don't know what
you're talking about,
But given the number of
ghosts in the Capitol,
by the end of this field trip,
you'll be begging
me to do a seance.
Ugh.
Ghosts?
[all moaning and kissing]
[bus creaking]
[yelps]
Norville, you're not hooking up.
You're just reading about the
Jewish American experience.
Like me, you must
be saving your body
for the amusement park.
[Lola's brain] Please.
I can't even go.
The park says I count as a
beverage in a glass container.
And why are you
even talking to us?
Aren't you mad that I forced you
to meet my grandmother
and accept your mom's
a serial k*ller?
No. Now that I have the
truth, I can finally move on.
Plus, we're about to
be in coaster heaven.
[chuckles] They call it that 'cause
of all the people who've d*ed there.
Now, since you're
not doing anything,
what are your top
[sighs]
What's the bus gossip?
Anything about me?
- Shh.
- [alien music playing]
Hey, hey, hey. Billy's losing
his virginity on this trip.
[indistinct whispering]
Portnoy masturbated
with a liver.
- I, like, heard Daphne...
- [yawns]
- [gasps]
- What?
Shh! I didn't get it.
I also heard Daphne...
[continues indistinctly]
I keep missing it. Help me.
Are you guys talking
about how sad Daphne is
that Velma is sitting with Gigi?
[sighs] No one suspects
that Daphne cheated on me.
Your plan is working great.
What plan?
Oh, uh... My plan to sound
totally unsuspicious.
Okay.
Well, I got passed a note that someone
wants to see you at the back of the bus.
Huh?
Hmm. There's no one here.
So who wrote this?
- [man] It was me.
- [gasps] Whoa.
Dad? You escaped house
arrest and you're here?
I'd rather you be the serial
k*ller than a bus perv.
I'm not a bus perv
or the serial k*ller.
I'm trying to figure
out what's going on.
And Don will never suspect
I escaped house arrest
to go to Sacramento.
It's a lateral move.
Now pay attention.
This flash drive contains
top secret m*llitary info
I ripped off of Don's
laptop this morning
- as he exercised like a chump.
- [rapid beeping]
It might explain why men connected
to Project SCOOBI are dying,
but we need to find a
computer at the Capitol
and print whatever
info was on this drive.
But someone will need
to use the bathroom.
Sure, they're under
their blankets now,
but some of these kids will want
to enter the eight-foot high club.
And I need you to make sure
that no one comes in here.
No. Please, Dad.
You don't know
what you're asking.
The gossip will destroy me
before I can destroy Daphne.
Velma, I don't know
what that means,
but lives are at stake.
[sighs] Okay.
[gasps]
Nobody go in there for
the rest of the ride.
If you know what I mean.
Oh, man. Velma
destroyed the bathroom.
- Everyone, gossip.
- [all laughing]
I also heard it was her mouth
that touched the water fountain,
and she liked it.
- Uh-uh.
- [teenagers whispering indistinctly, laughing]
I meant you should put
up an out of order sign.
Ugh. What have I done?
- Hey, guys, wait for me.
- [Brenda's brain whirs, beeps]
No! We don't know you, Velma.
- [dog growls]
- [yelps]
Psst. Velma, over here!
Dad, you can't be
out in the open.
Don't worry. I have a disguise.
As long as I hit this vape
every 30 seconds, we are good.
That's the stupidest
thing I've ever...
Excuse me, familiar
seeming teenager.
Have you seen Lola and Norville?
They're over there, son.
- I... I mean, uh, peer.
- Thanks.
And Velma, sorry, but I
can't be seen with you.
You're as unpopular as water
restrictions in the Central Valley.
[chuckles] I'm really
learning a lot on this trip.
I can't believe Fred
talked the whole bus ride.
Nobody should know that
much about churros.
Well, at least we can get back
on the bus and hook up now.
[yelps] Whoa! Spooky.
They're over here, Fred. By the
haunted statue of Jerry Brown.
Oh, wait. No, that's
just Jerry Brown.
Cap and trade. Cap and trade!
Thanks, but I still don't
want to hunt ghosts with you.
And I have to tell
Lola and Norville
the hottest souvenir
roller coaster photo poses.
Let's just say finger
g*ns are back, baby.
- Oh, oh. Norville, wait up.
- [Amber] Oh.
Haunted statue?
Your attempts to befriend
Fred are getting pathetic.
- [gasps]
- You were saying?
[Aman exhales]
Stay back, sad Sacramento-an!
Oh, hey, Daphne. Sup?
"Sup"? You committed
social su1c1de on the bus.
And I wanted to make
sure you're okay.
I'm fine.
Oh, who am I kidding? [Sobs]
If you cared about me, you
wouldn't have kissed Amber.
- What?
- Yeah, I know.
And worse, I had to find
out about it from my dad.
Not even weird looks in
the halls from strangers.
[sobs] I'm sorry. I
wanted to tell you,
but I knew how bad it would be.
That time I didn't text
you back for a day,
you threw my bike off a cliff.
So how could you do this?
If we'd been together ten years,
sure, married, not
buried, I get it.
But it's been like three weeks.
I know.
I was just so hurt after
what you said at the seance,
and I made the biggest
mistake of my life.
Can you forgive me?
No. Rot in hell.
Actually, wait. This is weird.
I don't think I want
you to rot in hell.
That can't be right.
Rot in hell!
Nope. What's going
on? Where's my anger?
I don't know. That's weird.
But sometimes,
getting things out in the
open can make you feel better.
I don't feel better, Daphne.
I just don't want
you to rot in hell.
And it was just a kiss, right?
It was just a kiss.
You sure? Because I can
ask my dad right now.
He snuck aboard our bus to give
me top secret m*llitary info.
Velma, what's wrong with you?
You just implicated Daphne.
If we're caught, she
could go to jail.
It's fine.
I'm not one of those
high-maintenance girlfriends
who gets mad at things like
being implicated in crimes.
[sighs] See, this is why
I can't stay mad at you.
And then Leland Stanford
used the fortune he'd made
exploiting the Chinese
immigrants he hated
to build Stanford University.
- The end.
- Roller coaster time.
Ah, sh*t. He still wants to go.
Fred, look. [Sighs]
We didn't want to
tell you earlier,
but there's been budget cuts.
Great, teachers make
too much as it is.
This day just gets
better. [Laughs]
No. [Sighs] They cut
the amusement park.
We're really sorry.
What? No, they can't do this.
My father paid for the governor's
campaign and his new chin.
I demand to speak to him.
[all cheering]
See? Everyone agrees with me.
Uh, no. We demand to
speak with the governor
so we can thank him.
Now that we don't have to
go to the amusement park,
we have more time on
the bus to hook up.
What? Wait, what?
No, no. Listen to me.
You're all making
a huge mistake.
Look, I get the urge to hook up.
The whole point of being a
teenager is losing your innocence.
But trust me, once it's
lost, you'll miss it.
'Cause it's not just about learning
people can be fun to squeeze.
It's also about learning
that people, even mothers,
can be monsters.
And that's why amusement
parks are important.
They're the only
place you can be a kid
whose only fear is getting
decapitated on a ride.
We can't let the governor
take that from us.
Who's with me?
[person coughs]
Oh. Okay, okay.
Fred's right. And they can't
keep cutting our budget.
Soon, school will
just be a lunch lady
handing out flash
cards and g*ns.
Worse. If they cut
the amusement park,
they might cut the
chorus overnight.
And that's the
real hook up trip.
Oh, God, no!
♪ Not the chorus overnight ♪
Wow. Thank you, Norville.
Oh, thank Lola.
I wanted to get busy on the bus,
but she nudged me to speak up.
[Lola's brain] No, I
didn't. I was pushed.
Wait. But who pushed her?
There was no one around her.
[whispers] Exactly.
- [beeps]
- [Aman] Okay.
It might take a second for
these documents to download.
- These are state government computers.
- [computers crackling]
Well, in the meantime, tell us
what you know about the murders.
It's not much.
As you know, I handle a lot of
shady illegal work for the m*llitary.
Well, a couple of months
ago, Mr. S came to see me.
It turns out, he, the coroners.
Father O'Rourke
and Sheriff Cogburn
all secretly worked
for Project SCOOBI.
Wait, really? Cogburn,
Mr. S and the other victims
had second jobs working
for Project SCOOBI?
The things you can do when
you don't have kids, right?
Tell me about it.
But their lives were
far from perfect.
Mr. S also told me something
I'm still struggling to believe.
Apparently a fellow soldier
- was creating an uncomfortable work environment...
- [coffee dripping]
in Project SCOOBI.
An uncomfortable
work environment?
And let me guess, you
struggle to believe that
because most guys don't
believe that's an actual thing.
[Aman] Bingo.
Regardless, I agreed
to meet with Mr. S
and the others off-site.
But before I got
any more details,
Don told me to drop it.
Hey, Don. What's up?
Drop it. [Chuckles]
You got it, buddy.
So I did. But then when guys
started turning up dead,
Don refused to talk to me.
Okay, but who is the soldier
who made them uncomfortable?
- He has to be the k*ller.
- I never got a name.
So last night, when Don
stepped away from his laptop,
- I searched for Project SCOOBI.
- [clicks]
One soldier was listed by
only their service number,
and it appeared in
these documents.
But these are just a reprimand for
missing Fourth of July festivities.
And requisition forms for some
electrical components and white sneakers.
[gasps] Hold on.
These are the same sneakers
my attacker in
the cemetery wore.
So the k*ller hates
the Fourth of July,
likes electronics and
wears comfortable sneakers.
Jeez, are we looking for
a soldier or a grandpa?
[laughing]
Thanks, Daph. I
knew it was funny,
but not like Vegas
magician funny.
Hey, Daphne, could you grab
this from the printer for us?
She's still hiding something.
What? Sorry, I was
just thinking about
what a good
girlfriend Daphne is.
Velma, as a former cheater,
I know cheaters, and
she's being way too nice.
Our relationship
isn't like that.
Here's the document.
Oh. And I got you this cute
stuffed cow from some lobbyists.
All I had to do was agree to be the
spokesperson for meat-based vegetables.
[Velma gagging softly]
No funnel cake.
No peace.
No funnel cake.
No peace!
Oh, God. A ghost.
No. The cops are locking us
in to break up our protests.
And we don't have any flowers to stick
in their g*n barrels for photo ops.
- So, run!
- No!
Come back. The cops
coming means it's working.
Amber, I'm sorry I doubted you.
Make the ghost go away,
and I'll forgive you for
hooking up with Daphne.
What? I didn't hook
up with Daphne.
Are you sure you
want to do this?
Stop doubting me.
That's Velma's thing. And
yes, I'm so mad at her,
I want to put a curse on her.
What? You put a curse on me?
And instead of telling me, you just
let me think you cheated on me?
Told you she was
hiding something.
And also, we got
to get out of here.
Those aren't cops.
Aman. We know you're here.
- Dad?
- Gigi?
That's it. You tell me what
the hell is going on right now,
or I will have everyone on
the bus gossiping about this,
and it will ruin you.
Gigi, I hear you.
So, I'm gonna offer you
two phones to not do that.
Oh, totally. Deal.
Same seats, same seats.
Everybody sit down and hold on.
[both gasp]
Okay. Tell me what
the curse was.
I can take it.
As long as it wasn't
a career in marketing.
I put a curse on you so no one
could love you and you'd die alone.
I was wrong. I can't take it.
- Why?
- What do you care?
You don't even
believe in curses.
I don't believe in
Santa Claus either.
But I'd still be mad if he
and Amber put a curse on me.
[bus rattles]
Stop arguing and hold on.
[gasps]
Ah!
- [all screaming]
- Oh, my God. We're gonna drown.
- [all sigh]
- [Aman] The river's empty.
Thank God for climate change.
- [horse neighing]
- Huh?
- [all] Huh?
- [jaunty music playing]
Oh.
[music stops]
[gasps]
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
What are you doing?
Forgetting about the
horrors of the adult world.
Come on.
[all cheering]
[camera shutter clicks]
Aman, pull over.
Never.
I hear you, but you're over 40.
You're gonna need to get out and
stretch in the next hour anyway.
Velma, it's over.
Aman, I am only
here to help you.
- So just come home with me now...
- [retching]
and we forget this
whole thing happened.
How can we trust you? You
said Project SCOOBI was dead.
For your own safety.
The same reason I put your
dad under house arrest.
You see, the truth is,
after Dr. Edna Perdue
was institutionalized,
Project SCOOBI switched focus
from putting soldiers'
brains in meddling kids
to merely keeping tabs on them.
Anywhere meddling kids gathered,
we installed our
people to watch them.
Until one day, before
your mom was kidnapped,
one of our operatives
came across her
reading Dr Perdue's missing
journals and took pictures.
My mom? Which operative?
And did they get
any candids of me?
Because those are great.
But that's just it.
The operative hid their identity
and only went by the
code name Uncle Scoobi.
Regardless, the m*llitary used Uncle Scoobi's
photos of Dr. Perdue's journal pages
to create an invincible
super soldier
- to infiltrate groups of meddling kids.
- [men chuckling]
But it went bad.
- [monster growls]
- [all gasp]
- [all scream]
- [Don] Like, instantly.
Of course it did. Playing
God always goes bad,
just like how real God
created crocodiles and sh*t.
Well, this was
worse than anything
we ever could have imagined.
The super soldier made the men
feel uncomfortable at work.
So this super soldier k*lled
the men he made uncomfortable.
Maybe now guys will realize that where
there's smoke, there's always fire.
[both] Maybe.
Thankfully, the
fact Aman's alive
means the super soldier
is not interested in you.
Still, we should get you home.
Okay, but real quick.
Are the three dead bodies I
saw on the base more victims?
No. Those are the
bodies of the hot girls.
Project SCOOBI tried to
restore them for the brains,
- but, uh, sadly they are too far gone.
- [EKG machine beeping]
- The hot girls?
- Yes.
- [horns honking]
- Dad!
The phone store
closes at 6:00 p.m.
And stop trying to
find the k*ller.
He's dangerous.
Aw. You guys don't
have to sit with me.
- I just needed some help taking my mind off things.
- [bus door hisses]
And this bus chase
really did it.
No, you were right, Fred.
As much as we want to grow up,
sometimes it's good to
find ways to stay a kid.
For instance, I thought I was
too old to make new friends,
but after everything today, I
think that's exactly what we did.
[Lola's brain] And it
wouldn't have happened
without slamming
doors and a push.
[all laugh]
I see you, ghost.
- Why did you call me a ghost?
- [dog barks]
And why is that
dog barking at me?
- Oh, God. Am I the ghost?
- [continues barking]
Hey! Quiet that dog down!
Velma's resolving
something with Daphne.
I want to eavesdrop.
As I was saying,
you were just so mean
to me after this seance,
I wanted the universe to make
it impossible to love you
so that I could stop loving you.
Wait, Daphne, that's...
I know, the most
horrible thing ever.
That's why I put
myself in the jar.
I couldn't believe I
was the kind of person
who would do that to
someone I cared for.
I was going to say that's the most
romantic thing I've ever heard.
What?
Wanting me to die
alone isn't great,
but loving me hurt you so much,
you did everything in your
power to stop, and you couldn't.
That's beyond romantic.
I feel like a girl
in a '90s R&B song.
That's a very positive spin.
I know. So just promise
that from now on,
you'll tell me what you've done
before you put your
brain in a jar.
If I wanted to date someone who'd
rather risk their life than communicate,
I'd be straight.
I promise.
[dog growling]
[Olive] Get it
away. Get it away.
Wait. Hold on.
[Gasps] That's it.
- The k*ller loves sneakers...
- [dogs barking, snarling]
- hates the Fourth of July...
- [dogs whimpering]
and the att*cks were
all low on the body.
But why electronics?
[gasps] This is the same speaker
that's in a Baby Babble Box,
which Don's wife said
came from Project SCOOBI.
Daphne, what if the super
soldier isn't human?
What if the m*llitary built a...
[monster panting]
A what?
- A talking...
- A talking what?
[all screaming]
[all groaning]
[grunting]
[gasps] Velma.
Velma, where are you?
[gasps]
[Velma] Help!
Velma!
[theme music playing]
As cops, we don't know
how your chaperones
could let Velma go missing.
As you chaperones,
we're doing our best,
- god damn it.
- [cell phone ringing]
- [cell phone beeps]
- Hey.
[Dr. Perdue] I'm
watching the news.
- Was it Victoria...
- Who flipped the bus?
[sighs] I don't know.
Stay close to Fred
until you do know.
Remember, you work for me now.
I know. Speaking of, I
still haven't been paid.
- And it would be really...
- [line disconnects]
[theme music playing]