[tense music playing]
- [thunder rumbling]
- [horse neighing]
[bird screeches]
[horse snorts]
- [grunts]
- [neighs]
[groans]
That'll do you, bounty hunter.
[thunder rumbles]
[adventurous music playing]
[horse neighing]
[coachman] Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!
[coachman] Come on, now! Go!
Whoa.
[indistinct]
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
[bright piano music playing]
[crowd chanting continues]
[Cleetus] I'm gonna
get things rolling.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
Let's get this thing started.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores!
[Cleetus] Three dollars.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores!
Getting a little tense in here.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
You know, it ain't right,
them folks making all that fuss
over a man getting a poke.
In my experience, that's exactly
what a man and a woman
were made for.
Hey, Nora.
Are you gonna play cards?
Or stare at them
the rest of the day?
Hold your dang horses, sheriff.
I'm thinkin'.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
All right,
I'll see your three.
One, two, three.
And I'll raise you two.
Let's make this a real game.
[Cleetus] I'm in.
I can tell you're
something else.
[chuckles]
- Get me a drink?
- Sure.
- [crowd chanting continues]
- [Nora chuckles] Mm.
[crowd chanting]
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
No more whores! No more whores!
Need to take care
of some things for a while.
- You got things here?
- Sure.
But don't be gone too long,
though, you hear?
The way I see it,
poker's like making love.
It's better if you go all in.
Ain't that right, Nora?
That's right.
Alice? Could we have
another round of whiskey now?
You know, it's never gonna be
the same as it was.
[Cleetus] Mm.
I've lived quite a good life.
I've had some successes
and some not so.
But there is one thing
I've learned.
If you ever get in an argument
with a woman...
There's two methods. Two.
And neither of them work.
I-- I fold.
Don't look like your card
playing's working either.
The way I see it,
if you're gonna get screwed,
might as well be with a woman
and not from cards.
I call.
With all that charm
that you have,
it ain't gonna do you no good
when you see these.
Two pair, kings and threes.
[groans softly]
A hearty man ate a toad.
[men laughing]
Sheriff!
I just saw one of those hussies
going in my husband's office!
[Zeke] Huh?
You gonna do something
about it or not?
Yes, ma'am.
Duty calls.
Mm.
Yes, ma'am.
[grunts]
She's in here, sheriff.
I know she is!
I saw her come in
with my own eyes!
If you're in here,
Nora, come on out.
[gasps]
Oh, my God.
- [sobbing]
- [grunting]
Good God almighty.
Oh! [grunts]
You best get out of here.
[Millie whimpering]
Mayor, put your pants on.
I'm gonna need some help
hefting up your wife.
She ain't exactly underfed.
Give me a hand.
[Cleetus groans]
The boys and I
made a collection last night.
Bought this for ya.
That Grimes g*ng
is terrorizing the countryside
and no telling
what's gonna happen if, uh,
if you run into them.
But if you run into trouble,
trouble tends to think twice
before rearing its head
and finds a loaded r*fle
pointing at him.
So it's yours and it is loaded.
Much obliged.
Thank you, sheriff.
Those that sell their bodies
sell their souls!
Harlots!
We don't need
your kind around here.
Ma'am, they're leaving,
they're getting ready to go.
Go on back, ladies.
Don't get nasty.
A plague has been lifted
from our town.
Hallelujah, praise the Lord!
If we're all so fired wicked,
what's that make their husbands?
I'll bet that makes them
our best customers
on a Saturday night.
Aw, damn.
Get up, get these
out of here, deputy.
Yes, sheriff.
Damn. Anyone that throws
something at me again,
they're gonna end in jail,
or get the back of my hand!
Damned old biddies.
Personally, girls...
Um...
I like you. As a matter of fact,
I like both of you.
Yeah! Especially
on a Saturday night
when you like to, you know,
- unlace those corsets and...
- Easy. Easy, Nora. Nora.
Let's not be saying
something out of school.
You girls be careful.
Thanks, sheriff.
Sorry, Alice. I never meant
for us to get the boot.
It's all right.
I was fixing to leave
this place anyway.
Maybe open up a business.
You know, a restaurant,
or change my life
around or something.
[Zeb] Hey, Nora, leaving town?
Yeah, it's about time we got out
of this sh*thole of a town.
[Zeb] Well, I'll need to know
where you're going and soon.
'Cause I can't wait for it,
Nora. And you, Alice. [laughs]
Cowboys are so easy.
Yeah. Yes, that's what got us
into this predicament,
if I recall.
Come on, Jolene.
Bye, boys.
Sad to see 'em go, sheriff?
Not as sad as I'm gonna be
Saturday night.
We'll miss you! I'll never win
a card game again.
So...
have you heard
from what's-his-face?
- Not yet.
- Mm-hmm.
[Orin] Alice.
Oh!
Oh! [sighs]
I knew you'd come.
Didn't think I was gonna
let you leave town
without telling me
goodbye, did you?
Oh, it don't have to be goodbye,
not as long as you keep
holding me tight
and promise never to let me go.
How's your wife, Orin?
- What--
- She's fine.
Wait, you--
you haven't left her yet?
Alice, when the time is right,
I will, I promise.
- When's that gonna be, Orin?
- [sighs]
Soon, real soon.
I promise.
When you get somewhere,
settled, write me, please.
I'll come for ya, I promise.
I swear on a stack
of Bibles, I will.
- Please.
- If you say so, Orin.
- [grunts]
- You really believed
he was gonna come
for you, didn't you? Hah.
That man's had a hook in you
ever since you came
to this town.
He just reels you in
whenever he wants a bite.
You can see that now,
can't you?
He always treated me
like a lady.
Hah! Wake up, honey.
Orin's like any other fella,
all talk.
Ain't no man ever kept
his word to a whore.
Hey, Orin!
Kiss my ass!
[birds screeching]
Don't you remember
sweet Betsy from Pike
Who crossed the wide prairie
with her lover Ike
With two yoke of oxen,
a big yellow dog
A tall Shanghai rooster
and one spotted hog
Singing dang fol dee dido
Singing dang fol dee day
They soon reached the desert
where Betsy gave out
And down in the sand
she lay rolling about
While Ike, half distracted
Looked on in surprise
Saying, "Betsy, get up
You'll get sand
in your eyes"
Singing dang fol dee dido
Singing dang fol dee day...
[horse snorts]
- Do you think he's...
- Nah. We'd smell him if he was.
We ought to help him out.
It'd be the Christian thing
to do.
Since when did you
get religious?
Ah-- Since we got kicked
out of town.
I mean, maybe it's the good
Lord's way of saying
that it's time for a change.
What has that got to do
with helping this fella?
Love thy neighbor?
That's what got us
kicked out of town
in the first place.
Well, you sure
didn't make things easy
messing around with the mayor.
[Nora] Hey.
You got your lady's companion?
Always do.
Oh...
Hey.
Hey, mister. You all right?
You think he'd be out here
in the middle of nowhere
left for dead if he was?
If you don't button your lip,
you'll be right here
on the ground with him. Savvy?
- So much for love thy neighbor.
- [scoffs]
Man.
He has got more holes in him
than a billiard table.
He breathing?
- Help me out here.
- Hey.
You still wanna help him?
We can't condemn a man
without hearing
his side of things first.
But--
Best to hold on to that,
just in case.
- [grunts]
- He ain't no Sunday preacher.
Not with six notches in his g*n.
We can put him on your horse,
you can ride double with me.
I bought Old Bob for me,
not what's-his-nuts here.
Riding double's
never bothered you before.
That was different.
I was getting paid.
Well, I'll owe ya.
Jolene's already packing
too much weight as it is.
[grunts]
You sure about this?
Yes, now quit letting go of him.
- Help me.
- Oh--
You just let one man
drop you like a baked potato
fresh from the oven,
and now you wanna start
taking up with another.
Would you come on?
It is hot enough
to pop corn out here
and we need to find some shade.
Come on.
- [both grunting]
- There...
[birds chirping]
- How's he looking?
- Well...
being dragged the way he was,
dirt plugged the hole.
There's a slug in there
that needs to come out.
The other sh*t looks like
it went clean through.
Don't look like
no vitals was hit. [sighs]
Seeing as how you got
his pants off and all,
how's he look down yonder?
And don't tell me
you didn't sneak a peek
'cause I know you did.
Well?
Why are you so interested
all of a sudden?
Professional curiosity.
What caliber
we talking here? .22? .38?
It's a .44.
Any notches on it?
In case you forgot,
we are trying to get out
of that line of business.
You are. I like what I do.
Besides, proper ladies get poked
by fellas too, don't they?
Sure they do,
but if my scheme pans out,
you'll only have to bed down
with the ones you want to.
No more toothless gummers
or fat guys or saddle trash.
Just gentlemen of your choosin'.
I mean, "lady" always
had more of a ring to it
than "lewd woman,"
don't you think?
You and rings.
Ever since I known you,
you been hung up on them.
The brass ring. Wedding ring.
What's it gonna be next,
the three-ring circus?
Go fetch me that skinning Kn*fe
out of Old Bob's saddle bag,
will you?
And, uh...
Oh, and a flask of whiskey
and a tin cup.
Where'd you learn doctorin'?
I didn't.
Here goes nothing.
- [grunting]
- Ah!
Mister! Mister!
You have got a sizable
hunk of lead in you
that I was about to take out,
but if you wanna keep it,
I can leave it be.
[groans]
- Whiskey, please.
- [sighs]
Thank you.
Ohh... [sighs]
All right.
[man] All right,
let's do it. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Come on.
- [grunting]
- Let's see...
What are you doing? Huh?
Start with the back.
Don't need any more holes
being put in me.
Slow and steady
until you hit something solid.
- That'll be the b*llet.
- All right.
[man groaning]
- [Alice] Ohh.
- [groaning continues]
- I got it!
- You're awful tender for a man
who looks like he spends
a lot of time in rough country.
There you are, mister.
[breathes out] Hah.
You know, deep down,
men ain't nothing
but big babies.
I mean, all that fuss
for just one little old b*llet?
Best get a fire going.
- [sizzles]
- [groaning]
Well, I must say I am obliged
for the food and the doctorin'.
[Alice] You was
in a pretty rough way
when we found you, mister...
Uh, Gallup. Eldon Gallup.
This place ain't fit
for belly crawlers and buzzards,
let alone people.
What are you doing
out here anyway?
Suppose I could ask you
the same question, huh? Hm?
What are ya, a hired g*n?
We saw them notches
on your p*stol.
You did?
Yes, I, uh...
I do make a living with my g*n.
But I ain't never been
hired out.
Speaking of which,
where the hell's my g*n?
Hm?
[Nora] You a bounty hunter?
Why don't you check my pocket?
If you dare.
This, uh...
"Gila Grimes..."
Looks like quite a peach.
What'd he do to warrant
a reward for 2,000 dollars?
Oh, wow. Hmm... Tsk.
Nothing fit to mention
in front of a lady.
He the one that sh*t you?
Well, I reckon so,
though I imagine
that was a bit hard to say.
sh*t me in the back,
Miss, uh...
Oh, I'm Alice.
This here's Nora.
Nora. Beautiful.
[indistinct]
Looks like he got
quite a jump on you.
Who was stalking who, huh?
I underestimated him.
And it damn near got me k*lled,
but it's a mistake
I won't make twice,
that's for sure. Uh...
I know for a fact
he is holed up
in this God-forsaken
hellhole somewhere.
I never met a man hunter before.
You know, Mr. Gallup,
you could say
we're in a related line of work.
Though the men
are usually hunting after us.
Oh, no.
Just my luck. Do not tell me
y'all are whores.
- Sportin' gals.
- Soiled doves.
High desert hussies,
- and about a dozen
other crude names...
- Whores.
...you could call two women
working in the world's
oldest profession.
We were kicked out of town
by the women's decency league.
Whose beds do you think
their husbands' boots
were under?
Wasn't their wives,
I'll tell you that much.
Wow. You must be so proud.
Any worker worth their wages
takes pride in what they do.
We're headed up
to Virginia City.
We're looking for a higher
and better road to follow.
[Eldon] Mm, yeah, well, I mean,
I bet you're awful saddle sore
after a profession like that.
We wanna open up a restaurant.
We're gonna call it
the Horny Toad.
That's right. The Horny Toad.
Very catchy name.
There is a silver strike
up there
and all them miners
is gonna need a place to eat.
You know what they'll also need?
A place to poke!
Oh, just stick with
what you're good at.
My mom always did.
[indistinct]
Those days are over for me.
I wanna open up
a respectable place
for respectable people.
Respect, though,
is hard to come by.
Well, I like just being me.
[softly] Same here.
Oh, sh*t, that hurt.
I'm gonna call it a night.
I've been sh*t at,
been carved up by some whore
playing pretend doctor, just...
it's too much. It's too much.
You know, I have never met
a man that spent so much time
on his back.
- Yeah. Maybe he's a whore too.
- [Eldon] Damn right I am.
Best in the business.
- ...to get like this.
- No, we don't.
- It's just gonna be a minute...
- Okay.
[Eldon] What are you
two sisters in sin
whispering about, huh?
Stick your foot down.
We just been discussing
your predicament.
This here Grimes fella.
[chuckles]
You ain't in no shape
to take him on by yourself.
And what the hell do you two
even know about chasing
a man like Grimes?
Oh, we've had
our fair share of bad men.
[laughs]
Wow, that's gratitude for ya.
Save a man's life
and he starts laughing
and calling you names.
Ow.
We'll help you.
For half the bounty.
[Eldon] Half?
Half. Half?
If I could stand up,
I would fall down laughing.
Half. I never heard
such a thing. Crazy.
Without us, you'll probably
die of sunstroke.
- Snake bite. Starve.
- Gangrene. Die of thirst.
Wow, glad you guys
are all so concerned about me.
- Well, thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, mind us, honey.
- You need us.
- I need you?
I need you like I need syphilis.
You need our stock,
our supply and our help.
'Cause without 'em,
you're buzzard bait
and you know it.
What'll it be, Eldon?
Fine. Stay here
and die if you like.
It ain't no skin off our nose.
Ugh! Damn it.
Ah, is that a yes?
Well, not like I have
much of a choice.
Y'all had me over a barrel.
[exhales] It was a horse,
if you don't remember.
I don't.
[Nora] Well,
would you look at that?
I guess you needed us
more than you realized.
You actually gonna ride
in that dress?
Don't you worry about my ridin'.
I ride just fine.
Ask any man
from Socorro to Santa Fe.
They'll tell you.
Well, well, well.
A couple of whores in a tizzy.
I thought I k*lled you.
You're not the only one
taking risks out here, you know.
We don't even know
if we can trust you.
Bit of free advice.
Don't trust no one but yourself.
Less likely to be let down.
This is a damn fool's errand,
is what it is.
What the hell do you two know
about chasing hard men, anyway?
Oh, giggle all you want,
that's fine.
Ain't gonna be
a cathouse parlor game.
Grimes. Last time we tangled,
he damn near k*lled me.
He ain't gonna
bat an eye rubbing out
the likes of you two.
Go on, see how much
laughing you do
when that lead starts flying.
- Yeah.
- What's wrong there,
Mr. Gallup?
Desert got you all hot
and bothered?
Nope, just you.
[Nora giggles]
Do you know where we're going?
Hell in a handbasket.
[Nora] You don't much
like us now, do you?
- Leave him be, Nora.
- I'm just trying
to make conversation.
Going into business
with someone's
like going to bed with them.
The more you know about them,
the easier it'll be
when things get rough
and tumble.
Nora, is it?
Ain't gotta worry about
catching me in your bed.
You ain't exactly
my kind of woman.
Besides, I never pay for it.
Never will.
You couldn't afford me anyway.
You got that right.
I ain't got but ten cents
to my name.
You got something
against whores?
Mm, not until
I met one, I didn't.
I was just a-- a young buck,
ventured into a house
of ill repute.
Went upstairs
with this tender young thing.
Then what?
Well, she, uh, rolled me
right down to my socks.
You can't judge
a whole profession
based on what
one greedy whore did.
Greedy and whore now them two
words they go together just
fine, don't they?
Kinda like bounty hunter
and scum.
You sound a bit soured
on women.
Well, believe it or not,
under all the dirt,
sand and stubble,
there's a handsome face
that has...
- has caught the fancy
of many a young lady.
- [horse neighs]
[Alice] Oh, too bad
ain't none of them
here right now.
I never met a man as cocky
and full of himself as you.
- Shh, shh, shh.
- Don't hush me.
I can speak if I want to.
- You're not the boss
of us and--
- [g*nsh*t]
[Eldon pants]
All right, easy, love.
All right, all right.
[groaning, panting]
Whoa. Well, I'm gonna go ahead
and venture a guess
and say not so good.
I reckon you're right.
Hold on. Let me jump down here.
I got you.
- [grunts]
- Wow.
This oughta do the trick.
- There we go.
- Jesus!
Well, this canteen's bone-dry.
Well, we should be
at the water hole
by tomorrow sundown. All right?
Well, that doesn't do me
any good.
- [scoffs]
- I'm thirsty right now.
Well, you can do
a little rain dance.
Huh? See how far that gets you.
What about Grimes?
Ain't he have to be
coming after us any minute now
down that trail?
No. His-- his horse took
one hell of a chili-wanger.
Snake hole.
No, he ain't going anywhere
any time soon.
Except by foot maybe.
We'll settle with him later.
Can you, um, can you help me up?
- You sure you're fit to ride?
- No.
But that one,
she's thirsty right now,
so we don't got a choice.
[Alice sighs]
[grunting]
Alice, we're riding
with a damn child.
Come on, here you go.
Okay, let's go. Whoa.
I won't be needing
this damn thing anymore.
- [Eldon grunts]
- Is there a reason
we're stopping
or do you just wanna
admire the dirt?
Well, Alice was right.
Tsk. If y'all are gonna help me
hunt down Grimes,
you need to learn how,
all right?
It is a two-step process.
sh**t', survivin'.
I thought you said
that you could bring him back
dead or alive.
Dead's just easier.
Let's see what you got.
Let's see if you can hit
that cactus down yonder.
- Okay.
- All right?
Uh-huh. Wow. All right,
let's just-- plenty of that.
Next!
- She kicked your ass.
- [exhales]
Where'd you learn
to sh**t like that?
Most fathers give
their little girls
pretty little things,
but not my daddy.
When I turned 13,
he got me my first Henry r*fle
to help fill the stew pot
with c*ons, turkeys, possums.
You name it,
I plucked 'em and plugged 'em.
You ever draw down
on a man, though?
- No.
- Pulled the trigger?
No.
Might just get your chance.
Here we go.
Let's try this again.
All right. All right.
Let's see what you got.
All right,
now slow down a little bit.
- I know.
- Just--
You need to put
two hands up there, okay,
keep both eyes open.
Breathe. Easy.
[g*nshots]
Uh-huh. All right, well,
let's try spreading
the legs a little bit.
Like you got a man
in between there.
Keep your eyes on it.
Mm-hmm.
- [g*nsh*t]
- All right, well,
that wasn't
a full-on hit, though,
- but it was pretty close!
- Oh!
Maybe just, uh...
Well, maybe you might've
got a ricochet.
Huh. Oh, well.
- Huh?
- Jesus!
"I ain't afraid to love a man.
I ain't afraid
to k*ll him neither."
Annie Oakley said that.
I don't know who that is,
but I'd rather her here
than you.
Give me that damn thing.
- Where is Alice?
- In the bushes.
What do you think?
I think it's time to go.
[Caldren] Hey.
[speaking Spanish]
Want coffee?
You really want some?
Get it yourself.
I ain't at your beck
and call, am I?
[shouting in Spanish]
[men laughing]
[Dobbs] Well, boss...
I would offer you some coffee,
but you done went and sh*t
the sh*t out of the pot.
I thought you'd have somethin
with a bit more bite in it,
you old rattler.
Well, for you.
Yeah.
- [Caldren] sh*t the
coffee pot.
- [men laughing]
[Dobbs] You know, boss,
you got any other urges
that need to be satisfied.
[Caldren] Figures.
Coochy coo!
Young and tender,
just like you like 'em.
You better watch that one, bud.
[chuckles]
She might bite off
more than you reckon.
[men laughing]
Besides, I like pain
before pleasure.
I have a bounty hunter
that's been dogging me.
You planning on turning
the tables on him, boss?
Turning and burning and leaving
the bastard squirming.
[exhales] I think I'm gonna
give him a lead smile.
I need a horse.
Well, go ahead
and take mine there, boss.
I'll ride up here in the wagon.
Ohh...
[huffs]
[grunts]
Hey, uh, you boys keep her warm
for me, will you? Whoa!
We don't mind
obliging you there, boss.
- Do we, boys?
- Yeah. No, not at all, man.
Yeah. See you, boss.
- Laters.
- [Caldren guffaws]
[Grimes sighs]
[Caldren] Yeah. We'll see you
down the road.
[Eldon grunts]
Hold up.
Ow.
Just hold up.
You guys can go ahead.
- I got some business
to attend to.
- [Nora] Yeah.
How long are you gonna take?
I don't know.
As long as it takes.
Wanna write a book?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Called "The sh*t I Put Up With."
First chapter's on you,
Mr. Trot.
- Gallup. It's Gallup.
- Mm.
- Best remember that.
- Yeah. Sure. Mm-hmm.
- Whatever.
- Mm.
[Eldon] Unless you wanna
give me a hand.
[Nora] Oh, no, thank you
very much, sir.
Disgusting.
Jolene, good girl.
- You know what a Comanchero is?
- Uh-uh.
You don't wanna find out.
- I think you're right. Okay.
- Come on. [click tongue]
All right... Stay calm.
- No!
- Stop right there, ladies.
[man] This way. Take her in.
- Good girl.
- Let's go.
- Alice, just do what they say.
- Shut up.
- No, no!
- Let's go.
- [screams]
- Come on, come on.
- [indistinct]
- [men laughing]
Damn.
- Come on, this way, ladies.
- Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
If it ain't one thing,
it's another.
[grunting]
[Dobbs] Get up there.
You get up here.
- Huh? What do you got there?
- [Alice grunts]
Little lady's companion?
Are you hiding something too?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
- Oh, I'm gonna know.
You got something in here?
What do we got here?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
Hmm?
- What's this?
- Huh? What you hiding?
- [groans]
Jiminez.
Get over there.
Just get in the wagon.
- [Alice] No, no! No!
- Come on. Get in!
- Get!
- No!
No! [grunts]
No! [grunts]
[Dobbs] Need a hand there,
cabrn ?
Hyah!
Get off of her, you filthy pig!
Lookie here, boys.
- We got us a wildcat in here.
- No!
Well, smile, darlin'.
You're about to have
the time of your life!
[Alice] No!
- [groaning]
- [screams] No!
[Alice] No!
- [Caldren] Hyah! Hyah!
- [Nora grunting]
[yelling in Spanish]
[speaking in Spanish]
- [men guffawing]
- [indistinct]
Why don't you, uh,
sing us some music?
Because it's about to get
real romantic back here.
[Jiminez singing in Spanish]
[Alice screaming] No!
No! Stop!
[singing in Spanish continues]
[Alice] No...
- [Caldren] Hyah!
- Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
- [stabs]
[groaning]
- g*n belts, keys.
- [men grunting]
- [Caldren] Hyah!
- Damn it!
[men grunting]
[Caldren] Come on! Giddy up!
Giddy up! Giddy up!
Giddy up! Come on!
[Jiminez groans]
Hyah! Get him! Get him!
[groaning]
Ugh! f*ck! [groans]
You know what I'd give
for a sh*t of snakebite
right about now?
[chuckles] I'd give
my two big toes. Yeah.
[sighs] Didn't the driver
have a bottle
of something or other?
- Yep, yep. Coming up.
- [Alice] Oh!
Check the wagon too.
I think our p*stol
and r*fle were in there.
- Here. Al.
- Thanks, Nora.
- Here.
- Aren't you a sweetheart?
- Dammit.
- [grunts]
[low grunt]
[mumbles] You know
what I did right there?
- What?
- How are you still standing?
I can hold my liquor.
The sun is about to set,
so we should--
We should take off
'cause we got miles to cover.
We got miles to cover.
Let's go, gals! Yeah. Yeah.
You sure about that?
Sure. Sure.
Sure, I'm sure.
[groans]
Mm. [chuckles]
It's funny.
I ain't never seen a man spend
more time fallin' off his horse
than ridin' it.
[horse neighs]
Well, boys, at least the birds
ain't gonna peck your eyes out.
You know, if Grimes
is worth 2,000 dollars,
his g*ng must be worth
something, right?
What do you think?
Leather or lace?
One's definitely
more practical than the other,
especially out here.
Yeah. You're right.
Lace it is.
What are you looking at?
Admiring the scenery.
Ain't illegal, is it?
If'n it was,
you'd be guilty as sin.
I got urges,
same as every other man.
Once you two are done
gallivanting around,
we should make a fire.
It's colder than a whore's heart
out here tonight.
No offense, though. [chuckles]
You still wanna go
through with this?
I'm tired of whoring, Nora.
I got more to offer this world
than just a good time.
You been listening
to that bounty hunter
far too much.
If you don't love yourself,
ain't nobody gonna love you.
Honey, I've been loved
by plenty of men
plenty of times.
Nora. Ain't nobody loved us.
We just been used
over and over again.
And you know what?
And someday, ain't nobody
gonna wanna use us no more.
You ever think about that?
Well, you better start.
'Cause once you're all used up,
death usually isn't too far off.
Do you trust him?
We need him,
in more ways than one
if we wanna get out
of this thing.
He proved that today.
Well, I don't like him.
He's pricklier than a bearcat.
You don't have to like him.
But I'd do what he says
if you wanna live
through this thing.
And here I am without my g*n.
Where's Alice?
I think she's just out
collecting firewood.
Why ain't you helping her?
I thought it'd be nice to take
a dip before it gets dark.
Yeah. Well, unfortunately,
it's not big enough
for the both of us here, so...
- Really?
- Vamoose.
I see plenty of room out here.
- I seen you washing up earlier.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- That was washin'.
This is skinny-dippin'.
Oh, relax!
We're just two people
baring our thoughts out here.
Yeah, bare-ass naked.
What are you trying
to do to me? Huh?
Huh.
I think I just found your g*n.
I don't understand you.
You know, most men would die
for a night with me.
But here I am,
throwing myself at you
and you just keep
pushing me away.
Yeah. People want
what they can't have.
It's a fact of life.
What's wrong with me?
Ain't I good-looking?
Yep. Okay.
Let's say I was interested.
How many men you been with?
I don't know.
Last counted a hundred.
You have any other skills
besides pleasuring a man?
Sure, I do.
Yeah? Gimme just one.
Well, I can, uh...
You know, um...
I'm really good at, uh...
Yeah. That's what I thought.
I mean, if you ain't a whore,
then what are ya?
Besides, what if--
what if Alice found us?
I think she'd probably join us.
[scoffs]
We've shared men before.
We just charge double for that.
But seeing as you don't have
any money,
you know what I'll do?
I'm willing to extend you
a line of credit.
Say...
fifty dollars out of your share.
I can get myself a good horse
for 50 dollars.
What's gotten into her?
I think she's trying
to figure that out.
[laughs]
What's gotten into you?
Howdy!
Ain't you gonna do something?
Well, I'm not exactly armed
and dangerous at the moment.
Honey, you don't happen
to speak Apache, do you?
[Nora speaking Apache]
[speaking Apache]
Where did you learn
to speak Apache?
When I was little, my parents
d*ed on a trip out west.
The Mescaleros took me in.
- Apache were some
of my first customers.
- Really?
What did you, uh...
What did you say to him?
Just, you know, you and I
tried to make love
but you couldn't get it up.
[speaking Apache]
Oh, well...
sh*t. I b*rned myself.
They doing what I think
they're doing back there?
- Uh-huh.
- sh*t.
You guys do your own makeup?
What?
You're not the only one
who gets urges.
[Eldon] Get yourself
a new r*fle?
I did.
- Yeah.
- Ahem.
Y'all have a good time?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Not really,
I'm just being courteous.
Oh, yeah. Oops.
That's good.
Adds to the flavor.
What did you, uh--
what did you learn about
our newfound friends here, huh?
Well, um, they were asking
about the Apache girl
we were with.
- Ah, they are, are they?
- That's her father.
[Eldon] Instead of fooling
around with that,
why don't you, uh,
get back to the task at hand,
which is Grimes?
You don't wanna upset
an armed Apache.
Why not?
[speaking Apache]
[speaking Apache]
Well, I don't trust 'em
as far as I can throw 'em.
You sure Grimes
is coming out this way?
This is the only watering hole.
He's coming this way.
Yeah, I'll take
first watch Damn.
Good night, Mr. Gallup.
Well, I would say good night,
but every night with you
has been anything but...
[singing in Apache]
[gasps]
Don't sh**t, it's only me.
Aren't you lucky?
What are you doing up?
Oh, I couldn't sleep.
- Here, I'll take that.
- Ooh.
Yeah.
I brought you
some strawberry preserves
with some biscuits.
Well, much obliged.
Well, you and Nora,
you are one hell of a pair.
[chuckles]
Sweet and sour.
Yeah and you're all salt.
Well, yeah. I suppose
- I am an acquired taste.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Out here women ain't got much
of a choice other than cookin',
- teachin', marryin', or--
- Whoring? Yeah.
Most men, they ain't looking
to get hitched to the likes
of me and Nora.
Well... Hmm.
You never fancied
being a schoolmarm?
[scoffs] Oh. No.
[laughs] No, I'd probably
break my switch
- the first day.
- Oh.
"Spare the rod,
spoil the child."
That's what my Pa
used to say. Mm.
Man, he was a drunk.
A mean drunk.
But still, I, uh...
He hated himself
more than he hated me.
Why didn't you leave there?
We had but one horse. Yeah.
And if he caught me
trying to steal it,
he wouldn't hesitate
to put a b*llet in my back.
But, you know, I figured out
that he robbed a bank,
k*lled a teller,
and there was a bounty
on his head.
Yeah. So, he passed out
one night, right?
And I hog-tied him,
stole his horse,
and dragged his ass
all the way to jail.
Four hundred dollar bounty
for that one. First one too.
Hmm.
Got me this g*n,
got a fast horse,
I stayed for the hanging.
After that,
I just rode out of town.
Never been back.
Hmm.
I came all the way from Georgia.
My husband-to-be...
He was one hell
of a letter writer.
It only took two
before he had my head full
of romantic notions. And, um...
he said that he had a big ranch
with all these cattle
that could make any a dream
I ever have wanted come true.
Hm.
You were a mail-order
bride, huh?
Never got around
to the bride part.
I will never forget
the first time
I laid eyes on him.
He was just lying there
in that pine box
at the funeral parlor.
Damn. What, uh... what happened?
His neighbors, uh,
they reckon that he...
His horse spooked and he fell
and hit his head on a rock.
His neck was broke
when they found him.
But, well--
bright side
you get his, uh...
His spread, his cattle, right?
Inherit all that.
No. No, I...
I would've been if we would've
been married, but, um...
His kin.
They took everything,
right down to the last heifer
and it wasn't long before
I needed a place to go
and needed me a job.
Yeah, that's tough.
So, um, the cathouse,
that was the...
The only thing hiring, huh?
When you're starving
and you got no place to go,
you do what you gotta do
to survive.
Here.
[sighs]
It's just a question. Jesus.
Hey. Get up.
Hey!
You weren't here
when I got up last night.
You two get horizontal?
No!
I brought him
some biscuits. We talked.
Well, if I didn't know you
better, honey,
I'd say you've lost your touch.
I have.
You know, if he was
any more asleep,
he'd be dead.
Last night's coffee
still in the cup?
Sure is.
It's cold, though.
Suppose I could make some more.
What the hell
did you do that for?
Just giving you
a morning coffee.
Always helps me get up
and face the day.
I prefer to drink it. In a cup.
You know, I swear I saw some
go down your throat.
Where'd the Apache go?
Same place we're headed.
And hell ain't waitin'.
[panting] Hyah!
Ain't that strange?
Tracks from another horse.
Do you think Grimes
could've gotten another horse?
Don't know.
You know, those Comancheros
did say something about him.
You're just telling us that now?
My God.
Here.
Come on! Hyah, hyah, hyah!
[Eldon grunts] Hyah, hyah, hyah!
Hyah, hyah!
[Eldon panting]
[Eldon mumbles]
We can just camp up here. Ow.
It's getting late.
You'll feel better
once you get some food
and some rest in ya.
You been riding hard all day.
Well, take a load off.
We'll make camp. Thanks, hon.
Yeah, I think I could use
some-- some shut-eye.
Bust out the vittles, Nora.
This train's coming to a stop.
So what sounds good
for supper, Mister--
[sighs]
Okay, so look, I, um...
I just--
I wanna tell you something.
Okay, but listen with both ears,
'cause I'm only
gonna say it once.
All right?
Harder than I thought. Um...
My preconceived notions
about your career...
Maybe they--
they blurred my vision some?
I mean, I saw you
for who you were, what you did.
I mean, not-- not who you are.
And it was damn
shortsighted of me.
And small-minded.
Both, I guess.
[sighs] Um...
I mean, I reckon that, you know,
people, if they would--
they would take the time to see
each other as they are, then...
Well, there'd be
a whole lot more
meeting in the middle.
A lot less pissed people off
running around.
Man, that's such a tangent,
what are you talking about?
Anyways, look, I... I thought
I'd be better at this. Um...
I just want you
to know that I, uh...
I've come to respect you.
I really have.
And I've come to, uh...
I don't know.
Admire you even.
Maybe even love you, I guess.
If you could see yourself
with someone
by the likes of me...
That's it?
Ah, what the hell you know.
- You old crow bait. Hey.
- [horse snorts]
How long you been
standing there?
We were just chatting
about life.
Come on.
Sure can be lonely out here.
You still thinking about Orin?
Orin?
Who's Orin?
Old flame of hers.
Yeah, those don't really
burn out, do they?
What?
Old flames.
[low grunt] They just
keep on simmering.
Months, years.
Antelopes that run in the wind.
Cheers to you.
Where's she at now?
With her ancestors, I reckon.
She got, um, smallpox.
We were, uh, trading down
at Fort Lowell nigh on, uh...
fifteen years ago.
I would do anything,
I would drop my g*ns
if I could bring her back.
That gal, she meant
more to me than...
You know,
I'm not the crying kind, but...
that just...
that just crushed me, you know?
But, I, uh...
I will definitely shed
a few tears of joy
when I k*ll Grimes.
Or maybe I'll just--
I don't know.
Piss on his dead corpse.
One or the other.
I can't quite decide.
It's more of a "in the moment"
type of decision.
Past noon and you haven't
moved a muscle.
[groans]
[sighs]
Well, I suppose
I was plum tuckered.
Fit as a busted fiddle
now, though.
Hungry?
Oh, damn!
Hey, you wanna wash this up
and I'll get some bacon on?
- [b*llet ricochets]
- [Alice gasps]
Whoa! Scatter!
[heavy breathing]
You see him?
[grunts] If I did, he'd be dead.
That you down there, Gallup?
The one and only!
You may as well
give up, Grimes.
I got two deputies
from town with me,
and they're both dead sh*ts.
Well, I ain't never seen
no deputies with pointy tits!
Pointy? They ain't pointy!
- Shush! Shush!
- Well, they ain't!
Now I aim to see you
dead and buried
when this day's done.
[grunts]
I didn't know you cared so much.
Most people would say
I ain't worth burying!
Truth be told, I just need
your head to collect the bounty.
I'll be real quick with it.
That's mighty big words
from a man hiding behind whores.
How'd you know they were whores?
'Cause there ain't
no self-respecting woman
that'd be out here
running around alone.
- Someone ran 'em off
from somewhere!
- Decent? I'll show him decent!
Nora, enough. All right. Enough.
All right, well, why don't you
go round up the horses?
Watch your ass.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Think you can cover me?
- Yep.
There you go, there you go!
[g*n cocks]
Come on guys, let's go.
You all right?
I'll be a damn sight better
when that assh*le's
shaking hands with the devil.
I told you it wasn't gonna be
no fun and games.
It's k*ll or be k*lled out here.
- [g*nsh*t]
- [groans]
[sobbing]
No! No!
[crying]
Oh, my God, no!
Promise me you won't let
that son of a bitch get away.
I promise. I won't.
I swear we'll get him.
- [sobs]
- I'm not talking about Grimes.
[labored breathing]
I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm so sorry, Nora.
I'm so sorry.
At least I get to go out
with a bang, huh?
No!
No! [crying]
No!
[Alice] No!
No!
Please, no! No!
She's-- Nora, no!
Oh, God!
No!
Could you give us a minute...
alone, please?
[sniffles]
Lord, I...
Nora had a good soul.
Despite what others
may have said about her...
she was a true friend,
of which I never had many.
And she-- she may have lived
a wicked way, but she--
She was trying to change
for her sake.
And for yours, and...
I-- I just hope
that you will take that
into consideration
before you pass judgment on her,
and me, for what I'm about to do
in her name.
[Eldon] Hey, come on.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Hang on.
Sorry about Nora.
You know, me and you,
we ain't that different.
Come again?
k*lling for a living's a sin.
Same as selling your body,
maybe even more so.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Guess we're all sinners.
- So says the good book, right?
- Yeah.
I guess there's something about
forgiveness in there too,
though, right?
Reckon so.
Planning on forgiving Grimes
for k*lling Nora?
Hell, no.
That son of a bitch is gonna get
what's coming to him.
You know what,
why don't you hop down
and fix Jolene's pack there?
[Alice sighs]
I'll take a look around.
Son of a bitch.
All right, let's move.
You see something?
I see Grimes.
Come on.
- Damn it!
- I didn't have time
to finish hitching.
I can curse myself, can't I?
I only have one good arm.
Did the best I could.
Why didn't you fetch me?
I would've helped you.
You know what, Alice?
I just kind of figured
that you had a lot
on your mind, you know?
Nora dying and all that,
just didn't wanna bother you.
Well, I do appreciate
the sentiment,
but now, what are we gonna
eat tonight besides nothing?
- [g*nsh*t]
- Oh, dear!
[grunting]
- [g*nsh*t]
- Hey. You got a plan?
Well...
Well?
I'm formulating one. Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, I promise.
We'll make it
through this. Yeah?
Yeah, I know.
You'd be the first man
to keep his promise to a whore.
I'd never be caught dead
kissing a whore.
All right? Now,
that you are an honest woman,
I'd be happy to spend
the rest of my life kissing you.
Ready?
Gallup, you still kickin'?
Where'd you learn
how to bounce b*ll*ts?
Spent some time
in a Wild West show.
Sharpshooters there
taught me a trick or two.
Worked out well
when I was robbing
their box office!
Maybe it's time to give up
outlawing and join the circus.
Yeah, you'll make
one hell of a bearded lady.
Die, you limp-legged bastard!
- [g*nsh*t]
- Jeez!
Are you-- Was part of your plan
pissing him off?
Figured it couldn't hurt,
seeing as we're up sh*t's creek.
Give me your empty g*n.
All right, you ready to end
this turkey sh**t?
Sure am. I like my tail feathers
where they're at.
Grimes.
You got your trading pants on?
[laughs]
Why? Are you out of cartridges?
Yeah, that's why I'm f*ring
insults and not lead.
Well...
what are your terms?
My...
My life for my pack mule.
Nope. Too thin.
The pack mule and a horse,
that's a deal more to my liking.
I'd be happy to oblige,
but the gal I was with,
she rode off on him.
And left me in a lurch
when you...
when you sh*t her best friend.
[laughs]
So you trust me
to give you a fair shake?
Ain't got much choice now, do I?
All right, Gallup.
Throw out your w*apon,
trot out the mule,
and I'll let you live.
For about one damn minute.
All right.
Yeah. [grunting]
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
I'm coming on down.
Feel free to hobble out
at your leisure.
[grunts]
Yeah, I'll admit,
as far as plans go,
that was a mighty clever one.
Yeah, it just kind
of popped in my head
as soon as he started talking
about the Wild West.
You know, trick riding.
Now, listen. Any...
Any woman who will risk
her life for me...
that's one hell of a gal
in my book.
Well, coming from a crippled up
old bounty hunter,
I'll take that as a compliment.
People try to k*ll me
damn near every day.
It could mean that I need
a career change.
Well...
you can do a lot of thinking
on 2,000 dollars.
- [laughs]
- You can bet on that.
Well, I'm gonna go
get the-- the critters.
- [g*nsh*t]
- [thuds]
Eldon!
[screams]
No! No!
[crying]
No!
- [arrow stabs]
- [Alice crying continues]
Die! Die!
What'd I ever do to you?
[Alice panting]
[triumphant yelling in Apache]
No!
No!
[indistinct chatter]
[Alice sobbing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Cleetus] Get out of the way.
Alice. What's going on?
Sheriff, I'm here for my bounty.
[dramatic music playing]
["Rest In Peace"
by Ryan Jewel playing"]
[music ends]
Two Sinners and a Mule (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3