10x08 - The List

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

Oh, hi, Miss Jefferson.
Any mail for me?

Oh, well, let's see...

"Occupant."

"Occupant."

"Resident."

"Single Adult"...
Hello!

Well, what is that?

It's from the Debonair
Dating Service.

The same place Betty
got hooked up with
last month.

She said it was the best
thing she ever did.

Well, don't tell me they
found her a man?

No. But they sent her
so much stuff, the
mailman asked her out.

Hey, Weez. Florence.
LOUISE: Oh, hi, George.

How was your day?
Miserable.

One of my vans broke down,
the cuff machine shorted out,

then fat Mrs. Bowen said
we shrunk her Calvins
again.

Oh, well just remember,
George things could
always get worse.

They did. To prove it,
Mrs. Bowen did a
deep knee bend.

I don't remember much
after that.

Well, knock wood,
I never have a weight
problem.

Knock on your pot roast,
you'll find out why.

Now, will you get me
a ginger ale, please?

Hey, Andy Jenkins, Weez.

A letter from Andy Jenkins!
We grew up in Harlem.

Wow! Good ole Andy, man!

I ain't seen him in...

years.

Yeah, years. Not since he
moved to, uh...

Chicago.
Chicago.

And then he
married a girl.
What's her name?

Ethel Squires.

Ethel Squires. Wow!
You remember him, Weez?

Not as well as
you do, George.

What does he
have to say?
Oh. Let me see here.

"Dear George, guess what?

"The other day I was going
through some stuff

"in the closet
and found the old

"'Gonna List' that we wrote
when we were ."

That's amazing.

What?
That he found the list?

No. That you could write
when you were .

What's a "Gonna List"?

It's a list of things you're
gonna do before you die.
A lot of kids do that.

How come you girls never
did stuff like that?

Uh, maybe we were too
busy trying to keep off

those lists you boys
were writing.

I wonder if I was
ever on anybody's list?

Well, depends on if Barnum
and Bailey ever came
to your neighborhood.

Thank you.

Anyway, Weez, like I
was saying, you know,

sometimes they make it a
contest, you know.

And whoever finished
his list first would win.

Would win what?

A chance to rub the
other guy's nose in it.

Razz him, you know,
break his spirit.

Make him wish he'd never
been born.

It was fun.

Listen to this.

"I have enclosed a copy of
both your list and mine.

"Thought you'd get a kick out
of the silly competitive place

"our heads were at when we
were kids. Sincerely, Andy.

"P.S. I just finished
number nine.

"Last one done runs
like a girl."

George, I can't believe it.

He's actually trying to
egg you on with that
stupid game.

He must think you're
still a child, huh,
George?

George?
Look at this, Weez.
He did finish nine things.

And he's working
on the th.

Owning a Cadillac, which
should be delivered
this week!

Oh George, now please don't
say that means you only
have a few days left

before you finish
your list.

That means I only have
a few days left before
I finish my list.

How did I let him get
this far ahead of me?

I'll never be able to
catch him now.

Anything in your list about
growing up good looking?

No.

You still got a chance.

Well, George, this
is ridiculous.

Wait a minute, listen to
the things on my list,
okay?

"Someday, I want to have
my own business."

Okay, you did that.

"I want to live below
th Street."

You did that.

Number three.
"I want to be a genius."

Uh, George,

owning seven cleaning stores
after starting out with
nothing, that took genius.

So did your answer.

Thank you, Weez. Okay.

Number four. "I want to make
love with the most beautiful
woman in the world."

I did that.

Mr. Jefferson!
George!

You never told me that!
I'm talking about you, love.

Oh, of course.

Let's see, five.
"I want to be friends
Jackie Robinson."

Yeah, I did that.
You did?

Yeah. It was at Ebbets
Field after a Dodger game.

He talked to me
and everything.

You mean you actually talked
to Jackie Robinson?

Well, you know how it is.
Two guys talkin' ball.

You never told me that.
What did he say?

Well, he said, "No, I ain't
got no free tickets and
get off my car."

Now let's see.
I did that. I did that.
I did that.

You know something,
I only did eight things
on my list.

Yes, but you made those
lists when you were kids.

Fortunately, you're
grown-up now.

Well, almost.

Number nine. "I'm gonna
bench press my own weight."

And , "Someday,
I'm gonna get even

"with Powerhouse Watson
and kick his butt."

Who's Powerhouse Watson?

I told you about him,
Weezy.

He was the bully on the
block that I always used
to fight with.

Oh, you mean big
Powerhouse Watson?

The one who used to carve
his name in trees with
his fingers?

No. That's his little
brother, Stanley.

Powerhouse was the
big guy, you know.

He used to pick fights
with me all the time.

I'm the only one on the block
that would fight him back.

You know, man, I'd stick
and move, stick and move.

Move to the left,
dance to the right.

And what did he do?

He b*at me half to death.

But...

I was right back in
his face the next day.
I'd never give up.

Just like on this list here.
I ain't quittin'.

Mr. Jefferson, ain't no way
you're gonna finish that list

after all these years.
Turkey, please!

You just watch me.

First, I have to get
some weights.

Anything here that
weighs as much as
me, Weez?

Florence bake any of those
muffins today?

Never mind, I'll just go down
to the sporting goods store

and buy me some weights.
Clear me a spot, okay?

Absolutely not.

I am not lifting a finger
to help you with this
harebrained scheme.

And anybody who does is
an idiot!

Now remember, Mr. J,
I'm here to help you.

Well let me ask you one
question, Bentley.

You have spotted
a guy before, right?

Of course I have.

Why just this morning,
I saw one in the elevator.

I saw one in the elevator.

Will you be serious?
Come on, let's go.

All right.
Get ready now.

And...
All right, okay.
I got it.

Ahhh! Wait, wait...

How we doing?

Come on now, Mr. J,
you can do it.

Remember it
takes pain to gain.

Argh! Argh!

Don't wimp out on
me now!

Help me!

Ah. I imagine this is
where the spotting
comes in, eh?

All right, now...

What's the matter with
you, Bentley?

You saw me choking
to death!

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. J.

But when a person
is choking, I'm used to
seeing his face turn red.

You threw me.

Oh, look. I could've
sworn I could lift it.

The salesperson made
it look so easy.

Yes, but remember.
She's a lot younger
than you are.

Well, how's our little
bench presser doing?

Not too well,
I'm afraid.

Well, child, if you
still intend on pressing
something,

there's a dress in
my room that needs
a touch up.

George, please give
this up.

You could
hurt yourself.

Look Weezy,
I can't give it up.

Okay, Bentley,
when I say, "Help",
what do I want?

What you want, Mr. J,
is what I'm trying to
provide for you right now.

Help.

What kind of help are
you providing?

I'm supposed to lift
my own weight.

Yes. And I'm trying to
help you.

I don't know why I didn't
think of this before.

Think of what?

Well, when you made out
that list, Mr. J, you were
years old, was it?

Yeah.
How much did you
weigh then?

pounds.
Perfect. Now try this.

How much does it weigh?
pounds.

pounds? Oh!
Yeah!

Hey, I got it, Bentley.

Easy, easy, I got it.
I got it. Okay.

Look, Mrs. J, he did it!

All right!

Hey, hey!
Great!

Hey!

That's good! That's good.
That's good!

Now, you through?

No. Now I got to
go and get Powerhouse
Watson.

Are you out of your mind?
Powerhouse could
rip you to shreds.

Look, Weez, all I want
is one punch for all the
fights that he won.

That's all.
Just one punch.

But, George...

Mr. Bentley, would you
tell him he's getting
in over his head.

That only a fool would
hold a grudge this long.

I'd be glad to tell
him that, Mrs. J,
but there's a problem.

Oh, What's that?
He's gone.

Did you catch him?
No.

He was out of the building
and gone by the time I
got down to the lobby.

What about Mr. Bentley,
did he have any luck?

Oh, he was
a great help.

minutes he spent
helping George lift
weights

and he throws
his back out pushing
the elevator button.

Well, things may not be
as bad as they seem

'cause I found out where
Powerhouse is.

How did you do that?

Well, this phone book ain't
exactly chock-full of Watsons

named Powerhouse,
you know.

Oh, great. Where is he?

Well, I called his house
and they said he owns a
pool hall up in Harlem.

So I wrote the address
down for you.

Oh, good.
We better get going.

We?

Well, Florence, you
can't expect me to go

to some pool hall in
Harlem by myself?

Let me put it to you
like this.

If you were in my
shoes, would you go?

Of course.

Well, here they are.

Bring them back
when you're through.

Oh, Helen! Thank God
you're here!

Why? What's the matter?
Well, you know...

Well, today is
such a nice day.
Oh.

I thought we may do
something together.

Great! Want to
see a movie?

No. Not really.

Shopping?

Mmm, I don't think so.

Then what?

Oh...

Why did I ever allow
myself to be talked
into this?

Now, Helen...

Louise, this is the craziest
thing you ever talked me
into doing

and you have talked me
into some crazy
things before!

But coming up here looking for
somebody with a stupid name

like Powerhouse
Walters...
Watson.

Well, whatever.
Now why don't you just...

Oh. Help me!

Hi, uh, I'm Louise
Jefferson and this is...

Her anonymous friend.

You wouldn't be
Mr. Powerhouse by any chance?

No. I'm his little brother,
Stanley.

Oh, well, we were on a little
shopping excursion in the
neighborhood

and we wondered if there
was a Powerhouse Watson
around by any chance?

What you want with him?

Uh, it's personal.

Oh?

Hmm.

He's in the back.
I'll get him.

Hmm...

Man, whoo!

You see? My horoscope said
this was my lucky day!

Did it also tell you it may
be your last one?

Oh, come on, Helen.
No one has bothered you yet!

Hey, babe.

Wanna come back to
my place and disturb
the next door neighbors?

You wanna ask me
that again?

Uh, sorry, sir, but I'm
her neighbor and you've
managed to disturb me

quite well right here,
thank you.

Hey, what's the matter?
She got to do your talkin'
for you?

That's what I get for trying
to do somebody a favor.

Thanks, Louise.
Now, let's go!

Helen. Where's the
adventure in you?

Life is to be lived
to its fullest!

That's what life is all
about, isn't it?

Staying alive is
what life is all about.

Maybe George was here already.

Oh, no, I doubt it.

What makes you so sure?

Because I don't see any
teeth on the floor.

Okay, one.
But that's not George's.

Louise, let's get out
of here. Please!

No. Not until I see
Powerhouse.

I've got to convince him
to promise me that he
won't hurt George.

Now, we're not leaving
until I do.

Four ball in the corner.

Ah...

Eight in the side.

Hey, man, you wanna lay
double or nothin' on that?

Nah, man. It's too easy.

It ain't easy, man!

What you talking
about, man? It's a duck!

That's not a duck.

Hey, lady.

Is this a duck?

I don't know.

It's not quacking very
loud, is it?

What? You think
I'm a fool, man?

Now either one of these
ladies could make that sh*t.

Like which one?
Either one.

$ says you're wrong.
Bet.

Come here, sweetheart.
Do it.

Oh, I don't know.
I don't know how...
Do it!

I would love to.

Hey, what you doing?

Now, that ain't
the right sh*t.

And besides,
ain't you gonna put
your powder on first?

Oh, of course.

Hand me my purse?

Not face powder!

This stuff over here!

Oh, of course.

Lady, lady,
you're gonna
break the thing.

I'm sorry.

Oh, thank you.

Helen. Helen,
I don't want to do this!

Oh, come on, Louise.
Where's the adventure
in you?

Life is for the living!
Isn't that what you said?

But you know I don't
know how to play this.

Well, you better. Besides,
how hard could it be.

It's only the side ball
in the eight pocket.

The eight ball in the
side pocket!

See? You do
know the game.

Lady, that's enough!
Oh...

And get rid of some of it.

Oh.

It's for later.

Lady, come on.

I'm getting married
in an hour.

Well, I was just coming back.

Okay, now,
I'm going to sh**t.

Ahem!

Okay.

I'm going to sh**t now.

The eight ball in the side.

Or not.

Okay, here goes.

On your mark,
Get ready, get set...

Hey! I don't allow no
gambling in here.

b*at it!
But, Powerhouse,
I got $ on...

You had $ on it.

Man, you owe me $, man...
No, man, she didn't even
get the sh*t off, man...

Oh.

I will never lie again!

I'll never tell Tom
that I'm too tired.

I'll throw away
all my credit cards.

Hi. Would you be
Powerhouse Watson,
by any chance?

Yeah. Who are you?
Cagney or Lacey?

Well, I'm Louise and
this is my friend, Helen.

Helen, say
hello to Mr...

Uh, House.

What it is?

Whatever you want
it to be, sir.

So what can I do
for you?

Oh, you're gonna get
a kick out of this.

Because I did.

Now do you happen to
remember an old

school chum by the name of
George Jefferson?

George? George?

Jefferson?

You mean, Squeaky, the little
runt that used to walk
like this?

Yeah, that's him.

I used to b*at the tar out
of him every day after school.

How's he doing?
Oh...

He's doing fine,
just fine.

Oh, as a matter of fact,
he owns seven cleaning
stores around town

and we have a lovely
apartment on East
rd Street...

Louise!

Oh, but he's doing okay

and we're just getting along.

But the main point is
he's my husband.

Husband? You mean you
married that little runt?

How about that?
Even runts get married!

Yeah, they do.

And he said that one day
he was going to b*at you up.

You married him?
LOUISE: Yes.

So if he should come in
here all full of rage
and carrying on,

oh, what the heck, just let
him hit you once, take
a dive, who'll ever know?

Who'll ever know?
Your undertaker.

Uh, well, thank you so
much for your time
and your honesty, sir.

Bye now.

Helen. Helen, wait,
wait, wait.

What do you mean,
"My undertaker"?

Lady, I can't go around
taking no dives.

Think of how unfair it would
be to the people who've tried
to hit me before.

What happened to them?

See all those dudes
standing against the
wall over there?

HELEN: Yeah.
POWERHOUSE: See those
places between them

where no one is standing?

Yeah.
Those places represent people
who tried to hit me before.

I hope you understand.

But...

You mean you're just
going to let my husband
walk in here...

Walk in, yes.

Walking out is gonna be a
little sticky.

Let's go, Louise!

No! Not until this
is settled!

I kind of think
it's settled, Louise.

Not as long as I
can do something
about it!

Look, lady, if you wanna
do something about it.

You could hang around
to pick him up
off the floor.

Either that or take a walk.

Well...

Suppose she doesn't want
to take a walk?

What are you going to
do about it?

You wouldn't hit a woman,
would you?

No, you're right.

Hey, Buffy!

What you want?

Helen, you coming?

Would you like to come
in for some coffee?

Coffee?

Are you kidding?

You have the audacity
to try to be nice to me

after making me jump
over a six-foot fence
in high heels

with four garbage cans,
a drunk, and a very
nasty dog in my way?

Isn't it amazing what
you can do when
you have to do it?

Are you out of
your mind?

All right, Helen, we may
have lost the battle,

but we can still
win the w*r.

Now, if we want to
save George's life.

We have to get a
different strategy.

And I think I've got it.

Two simple words,

"Guerilla warfare".

Helen? Helen?

Oh...

George, what are you
doing here?

I live here.
Remember?

Hey, Weez, you look good.
You do something
different to your hair?

I can't believe
you're here.

I thought you went
out to b*at up
Powerhouse.

Yeah. I thought about it,
Weez, but you were right.

All that "Gonna List"
stuff is for kids.

Besides, I couldn't find him.

Well, the telephone book
only has one...

Say what?
Oh, nothing

I meant, I underestimated you
and I'm sorry. Real sorry.

Most people do, Weez.
Where've you
been, anyway?

Well, uh...

There was this sale
at Bloomingdale's

and uh, Helen and I
thought we'd go down
and look around.

Ah.

It was a real battle.

Well, I hope you picked
out something nice

to go along with your hair.
I really like it.