23x07 - Scheming Schemers

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[PHONE RINGS]

Nite and Day Plumbers.

Uh, I-I'd like you
to come right out

to Bleeker Street
right away.

Uh,
ask for Mr. Norfleet.

We'll be over in two shakes
of a martini.

Ha-ha! Boy!
Our first case.

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[SIREN WAILING]

Come on, you slugs!
We're rollin'!

Heep-eep-eep!
[SNORING]

Oh, stubborn, eh?

Hey, come on, Shemp.
It's our first call.

[GRUNTS]

We gotta get a longer jeep.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

I dropped a very
valuable diamond ring

down into this
washbasin drain.

Please, don't give up
until you find it.

Don't worry, boss.
We'll have your ring back

before you can say "Cucamonga."
That's fine. My wife has guests

and is unveiling a new
Van Brocklin painting

she just bought.
Please, work quietly.

Okay, we'll be quiet.

[LOUD CLATTER]

Quiet!

[LOUD CLATTER]

I said quiet!

Come on, get busy here!
All right.

Get the ring.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Come on, get that plate
out of there!

All right.

Think you got something.

How about that?
It was stuck

on the inside rim
all the time.

Call Mr. Norfleet.
Mr. Norfleet, we found the--

Get it!

[BOTH GRUNT]

You knucklehead, you!
You're gonna get that ring

if I have to shove you down
the pipe after it.

Wait a minute,
there must be another way.

I'll show you.
Moe, no, please!

Get up there.
Ow, ow!

Ow, you're
crushin' my skull!

Well, get that ring!

Ow! I won't
fit in here.

By golly, he's right.
His ears are in the way.

I gotta get something.

Oh, yeah. A wrench.

[GRUNTING]

Oof!

[GROWLS]

[SIGHS]

Oh, no,
he couldn't have.

He couldn't have gone down
that drain pipe.

Larry, where are you?

LARRY:
I'm down here.

[GASPS]

I'll figure
something out, kid.

Wait a minute.
I'll figure something out.

Come on, Moe. Get busy.

Okay, kid. I'll be
with you in a jiffy.

Take it easy, kid.
I'll find a way.

Now easy, Larry.

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Hm.
I got part of him.

I'll have to take him out
in pieces.

Take your time, kid.

Hey, Moe,
what are you doing?

I'm trying to get you out of
this pipe, you sap.

What did you do,
blow your stack?

I'll blow your stack.
I'll smack you in the snoot.

I'll-- Larry!
I can't get it out.

Help me, will you?
I'm stuck.

Take it easy, kid.
I'll get you out.

[GRUNTS]
Your hand all right?

I don't know.

It's all right.

Ow!

Give me that.
I hope that ring's in here.

Ow! I'll m*rder you!

Take it easy.

Hey. That ring went down
that drain pipe.

How do you know it didn't
go down the water pipe?

Maybe it did.

[HORN HONKING]

Hey, Shemp!
We're in here!

We got a lot of work to do,
so shake a leg!

Hold your horses,
will you?

I think
that ring slid down

one of the pipes
into the basement.

We all better go down there
and find it and hurry.

Well, don't rush me.
I gotta wash my hands.

Oh.
Who do you think I am, anyhow?

Hey, anyhow?
What?

[GROANING]

Come on. Come on.
Come on, anyhow. Come on.

That's got it.

But we didn't locate
the ring.

Hold on to this,
and don't let it slip.

Give me that blow torch.

[SCREAMING]

Get my foot out of there!
Okay.

[GRUNTS]

Now see what you did?
What?

Get out of here.

Wait a minute. We can't find
the ring while it's leakin'.

I wonder where you
shut the water off.

It must be upstairs.
Water always runs downhill.

You're a very
intelligent imbecile.

Thanks.
Yeah. Shut the water off!

All right.
Go on!

I'm gettin' nervous.

MOE:
Yeah! Go get busy!

We're simply dying to see
the Van Brocklin.

Well, I'll not
keep you waiting.

Ah.

A great help you are.
That other chowderhead

didn't shut the water off,
now you do it. Here.

Wait a minute.
Where will I find a valve?

That's your job, you dummy.
Look in the kitchen.

Look in the attic.
Look in the backyard.

All right.

Oh, it's divine.

What color.
What detail.

And it's over
years old.

Every museum in the country
tried to buy it.

It's a masterpiece,
all right.

What idiot left
this water running?

I did.

[GRUNTING]

I wonder where
those other lugs are.

I gotta get rid
of this water.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah. Success at last.

What an idea.

[SCREAMS]

What's the matter?
What's going on?

I'll m*rder...

Hey, I better go find
that water cutoff.

[GRUNTS]

I'll find that ring
if it kills me.

[GRUNTS]

I'll find
that water cutoff.

[WHISPERING]
It's the real Van Brocklin,
all right. Worth a fortune.

[WHISPERING]
Okay, we'll watch our chance.

Go on, get another length
of pipe! Go ahead!

[GRUNTING]

Hey, Moe. No wonder
the water don't woik.

These pipes are clogged up
with wires, look.

Well, yank 'em out

and we'll hook the pipes up
all over again,

you oyster brain. Go on!
All right.

No, we don't
go in for sculpture.

It's too bulky. We--

Oh, dear. Oh.

As I said, we don't--

I, heh-heh.
Everything--

White all colors...

I don't have--

Short circuit, no doubt.

[WIRES CREAKING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

LARRY:
Where is that water cutoff?

That does it.
End of the line.

Okay. We'll try and
get these pipes together

and everything
will be oaky-dokey.

All right.

This house has sure
gone crazy.

I never thought I'd do it.
Success! Ha-ha!

I'll find this thing,
or else.

Oh, must be a loose washer.

How do you like that?
I'll fix that in a minute.

Got to be a loose washer
or something.

Oh.

Oh, oh! Ooh!

Dear me. I can't understand
what's holding up dinner.

Sorry, folks. Dinner's
postponed on account of rain.

Well, I'm sure
it won't be long.

Shall we see what's on
the television set?

Uh, excellent.
Uh, excellent idea.

[CLEARS THROAT]

We get the most
amazing results.

ANNOUNCER:
Good evening, friends.

That's odd.
There's sound, but no picture.

Our special feature
for tonight

will be glimpses
of scenic America.

First we take you
to Niagara Falls.

I'll get it in a minute.

Oh! Oh, dear!

Oh! What?!

Change your clothes dear,
you're all wet.

I'll let the water
run out the window.

that's what I'll do.

Oh, yeah?

Hm.

NORFLEET:
I saw your
television, people!

Madam, shall I get
you some water?

No!

Oh, my painting!
It's gone!

Nobody leaves the house!
Sorry, just the formality.

I'll call the police.

Who--? What do I--?

Op-- Operator! What?

[COUGHS]

I tell you, Moe. I couldn't
find that water shutoff.

Shutoff. Shut up! Maybe
the ring went behind that basin.

Here. Pry that basin away
from that wall just one inch,

so I can look behind it.

Now if I was a ring,
where would I go?

[CRUNCH]
Ow!

[YELLING]

I'm sorry, Moe.

So am I.
Ow!

You imbecile, you!

[GROANS]

Hey! The ring has been
in your hair all the time.

Mr. Norfleet!

Mr. Norfleet!
Mr. Norfleet! Come here!

Here's your ring,
Mr. Norfleet.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I'm frantic,
gentlemen. Frantic.

Someone stole our new
$ , painting.

[WHISPERING]
Where's Shemp?
He loves pictures.

I think he's upstairs.

Wait here, boss.
We'll be right back.

Come on.

Anything. Anything, I...

I must have a drink
of water.

You folks going
somewhere?

Just looking for
a drink of water.

Turn on anything,
you'll get it.

He's gone. We can't
make it out that way.

We'll be searched.
Yeah.

Yeah.

They won't find anything.

I'll put
the picture in here

until the excitement
blows over.

They'll never find
the painting in this pipe.

You go to the car.
I'll be right with you.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Ah, you crook, we got you.

Let me alone!
I'll brain you!

Don't you dare
throw that pie.

[CROWD GASPS]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Ack!

Oof!

Oh, I'm sorry, Moe!
I'm sorry, I didn't see you--

Why, you...
Oh, no, you don't.

Are you here, Moe?

No, I just left.
Oh.

Get out of here. Next time
watch where you're throwing.

Oh, yeah? Well, I know what,
uh, my rights are--

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

We'll get you.

Ha-ha, you missed me. Ha!

Ah, that one got you.
Serves you right.

By golly,
he didn't miss me.

Oh, now wait! Don't you
throw that! Don't you throw--

I say,
what goes on here?

Let's get him.

Oh!

Oh!
Oh!

W-What in the world--?

We recovered
your painting.

There's the crook
that stole it.

My painting!
My painting!

You boys are wonderful.
I'll get you a nice reward.

My painting.
Oh, boy, a reward.

Won't Shemp be glad
to hear this?

He certainly will.

Hey, where is
that puddinghead Shemp?

That's got it.

Now to get out.

[♪♪♪]

Moe! Larry!

[♪♪♪]