Hello? Hello?
Hello?
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Another day.
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Hello, Qohen Leth. Corporate Health Maintenance
have approved review of your disability request for today at 14:40.
Please be prompt.
We're nothing if not prompt.
All right, Quinn.
How's it hanging?
It's Qohen, Mr. Joby.
And as we've told you before, it isn't hanging well. We're dying.
You should see the medics about that. Can't afford to lose you.
We have an appointment this afternoon. Not this afternoon.
You approved it. Cancel.
You got still the Transfinite Paradox project due today.
Finished.
Pathologics division's running the standard redundancies.
You do all that this morning?
As mentioned to you repeatedly, we detest working here.
Considering our output, we can't begin to understand
why you insist on our coming here. That's a Management issue.
It's Qohen. Q. no U, O-H-E-N. Out of my hands.
Then perhaps we should be talking to Management.
No, no, no. Nobody speaks to Management.
You know that. No way, no way. Look, take my advice.
Knock off the bitching and moaning. It's not bad.
We could accept braving this ghastly place
were it not for fear of missing our call.
Oh, that call, yeah. Could you not let the machine take it or call forwarding?
I could always bend the rules on personal calls in your case.
We have to be home to receive it.
Look, I'll see what I can do, all right?
Sorry.
We prefer not to be touched. All right.
Qohen Leth, ontological research division,
requesting disability leave.
Or reassignment to work at home.
That's Management's decision, Mr. Leth.
We only deal with health issues here.
What seems to be the problem?
- We are dying. - Who's we?
Us. Ourselves.
- But there's only one of you. - So it would appear.
This subject has undergone five physicals the last year.
He's healthy as a horse.
- My hair has fallen out. - Perfectly normal.
You're the most productive number cruncher in your unit.
Entity crunchers.
We work with esoteric data that have a life on their own
and are substantially more complex than numbers.
In the experience of this board, dying people are rarely so productive.
Nevertheless, we're dying. No, we're not.
Yes, we are.
No, we're not. Yes, we are.
We're not. Yes, we are.
Not. Not. Not. Bus, bus.
May the party-party bug.
I'll do this one.
You're not dying.
Although, in a way,
from the moment of birth, we all begin to die.
Call it divinely planned obsolescence.
Soon or late, beggar or king, death is the end of all things.
Why, life might be seen as a virus
infecting the perfect organism of death.
That's enough, doctor.
It's true.
Disability request denied. It's back to work for you.
However, this board recommends further psychiatric evaluation.
I haven't time for more therapists.
I hope you'll have time for this.
Did you hear about tonight? Changed.
It's not 8, it's 7:30, right? Okay.
I'm going as a tiger.
All right, Quinn. I told you, the medics wouldn't help. Leave it.
It's all right. Joby's on the job. Problem solved.
You're sending us home? One thing at a time.
I can get Management to see you. He's coming to my party tonight.
Party? I'll just give you the address.
You turn up and I'll do the rest.
We're afraid we can't.
What, staying in and washing your hair?
We have to stay home, wait for our call.
Look, do you want my help or not?
We fear parties.
Never quite know where to stand.
You k*ll me, you lunatic. You don't know where to stand?
You gotta love it.
I'll see you tonight, Quinn.
It's Qohen.
Hey! Quinn!
That's the wrong way. This way. This way.
Party. Party. Come in. Come in.
Yeah.
This is the main room, everything's free in there.
Hello, Barbara. How you doing, darling? All right?
You... She can't...
You see what this is?
You see this? Know what it is?
That's marble. It's real marble.
This place is covered in it. It's my uncle's.
It was my uncle's. He lost everything in the Sit On My Facebook crash.
The removal men are coming tomorrow
but tonight, it's ours,
so you party. Heh. Whoo!
Is Management here? mm! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Keep it down. You don't wanna start a rumour, right?
Where's Management? Shh.
When he gets here, I'll let you know.
In the meantime, lighten up. Have some fun for a change.
And mingle, Quinn. Mingle, all right?
It's Qohen.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Hi.
I love the look.
Final evolution or re-product?
Maximum brain, minimalist body.
Excuse us.
Sit.
Now, what seems to be the problem?
We simply want to go home.
Home?
We can tell that you are a man who values his solitude,
and we too are better off left alone.
We fail to see the logic in wasting time commuting
to a cubicle where we work independently
amid other workers similarly cubicled.
We could easily double the output there
at home.
And our chief concern is that we might miss our call.
You see, we've been waiting for a call all our life now.
And, well, we've...
The nature or the origin of our call remains a mystery to us.
We can't help but hope
that it will provide us with a purpose we've long lived without.
You're quite insane, Mr. Leth.
We're sorry to have disturbed you.
Drink? No.
Drink?
Oh! Whoa. Quinn, you chrome dome bastard.
Where are you sneaking off? Sneaky, sneaky.
Give me that coat. We've seen him.
Who? Management.
Would you stop? Management parties incognito.
No, this isn't what he... You're blowing his cover.
We really must go home now.
No. Look, I'll sort something out. I'll get you a proper meeting with him.
There's no way you're going without something to eat.
It's Qohen.
We've had, apparently, our meeting. Just one.
Our diet dictates against any foods with perceptible flavour.
All right, all right, all right. Eat, eat, eat. That's an order.
Plenty of eats.
Plenty more.
Plenty for everybody.
All right. Hey. Hold. Hold it. Yeah.
What is the meaning of life, Mr. Leth?
Ah. So close to its end and still no answers.
I have a special project for you that could prove to be mutually beneficial.
There's not a lot of time, not much time at all.
Whoo!
Okay.
You alive in there?
Whoo. Are you okay?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Excuse us.
Care to join me? Excuse us?
I won't be long.
So I saved your life.
So what?
Thank you. You're welcome.
I'm Bainsley.
And you are?
Qohen. Q, no U.
And you work with these people?
In a manner of speaking, yeah.
What do you do? Us? We crunch entities.
You got a mouse in your pocket? Heh. Excuse us?
But who's "we"?
Us. Ourselves.
Oh, catchy.
Hey, help!
You're staring at me.
You think my dress is incredibly ugly?
Well, it's my daddy's fault.
He used to buy me these incredibly ugly clothes to keep the boys away.
It didn't work.
Only made me wanna get naked.
And that's no way to keep the boys away.
Excuse us.
We really must leave now.
No, wait.
Just wait.
Wait.
Did anybody ever tell you, "Be careful what you wish for"?
Excuse us? What's all this about? You're going home.
Zero theorem.
All very hush-hush.
Management's been handpicking talent since before I was hired.
Nobody lasts. It's a guaranteed burnout project.
I worked at it for about three weeks when I was young.
Drove me balmy.
After Zip-T, I couldn't crunch Coco Pops.
That's why Management made me a supervisor.
You might've noticed I'm a few raisins short of a full scoop. Ha-ha.
That's why he chose you, I think. Ooh.
Nothing left to lose. The Tech boys should be around at your place now,
changing the locks, setting up the standard at-home work force security.
I've got my money on you, Quinn.
You'll be proving that theorem in no time.
What exactly will we be proving? That Management's getting desperate.
Have you ever wondered where all the stuff you crunch winds up?
Voilà.
Here. Put this on.
Come.
Neural Net Mancrive.
The centre of Management's entire operation.
Smart as sh*t and still learning.
Now, be very, very quiet.
We're hunting entities.
Working hard, Bob, or hardly working?
Today's the same, Bob.
Don't mind me, Bob, I'm just getting Quinn started on the old Zipster.
That's a waste of time, Bob.
I give him two weeks.
That's Bob, summer intern.
- Why does he call you Bob? - Oh, Bob calls everybody Bob.
He says it's a waste of brain cells remembering names.
He's a hardware specialist. Isn't he rather young for that?
No, that kid could programme before he could walk.
Right. Now, here's your software.
Management will send you new data downloads every week.
How long is this project going to take?
Don't know. It could take forever.
When I was a little tyke, everybody thought neutrinos had no mass.
Somebody discovered they do have mass.
Tiny little bit of mass, but mass is mass, right?
It's got to add up to something.
That stuff used to keep me awake at night. Not that you should worry.
Everything's under control. You got everything you wanted.
Ever get a feeling the world's giggling behind your back?
Everybody in the universe
is in on some cosmic joke. Everybody but you.
The only reason you're not laughing is you're the punchline.
You ever get that feeling, Quinn? It's Qohen.
Working hard, Bob, or hardly working?
Well, it pays the same, Bob.
Pays the same.
Zero currently equals 93.78926 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Your first instalment of processed data is due for upload in four hours.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Hello, Qohen Leth.
Your next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
Enter number of minutes needed for target overrun.
Hello, Qohen Leth. This is a courtesy call.
Zero currently equals 93.789 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
- Yeah? - Hello, Qohen Leth.
Your next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
If the target timetable is attainable, press one.
If not, enter what is needed for target overrun.
Your next instalment of processed data is...
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
You seem tense, Qohen.
Let's return to the subject of your fears.
In past sessions, you have reported a fear of death, a fear of life,
a fear of open spaces, closed places,
a fear of people, a fear of being alone,
a fear of missing certain. No.
We fear a great many things, but we fear nothing most of all.
Please go on. In what manner?
Are you trying to be difficult? Not at all.
It seems we're capable of being difficult without trying.
We've spoken about your fears.
Let's speak about your joys.
At present, there's very little we can think of that brings us joy.
What brought you joy in the past?
We recall enjoying food once. What was your favourite food?
That, we can't recall.
At present, we feel no joy.
What do you feel?
Nothing.
You're a tough nut to cr*ck, Qohen.
And, of course, I don't mean "nut" in the pejorative sense.
Let's examine...
Hello, Qohen Leth. This is a courtesy call.
Your next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
What? If target timetable is attainable,
press one. If not, ent...
Please enter number of minutes needed for target overruns.
One moment, please. Management have authorised
a 60-minute overrun. No, that...
Goodbye, Mr. Leth. That's nothing... No.
We can finish this session another time, Qohen.
I think you'd better get back to work. These entities refuse
to remain crunched.
Each has its own meaning, but that changes
depending on the following. Qohen.
Which then changes Deep breath.
Depending on the meaning of... Deep breath in and out.
Deep breath in...
and out. All we want is our call.
Yes, your call.
We'll complete this session another time.
Hello, Qohen Leth. This is a courtesy call.
Your next instalment of processed data is due...
Hello, Qohen Leth. This is a courtesy call.
Your next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
Hello, Qohen Leth.
Are you an entity process?
Have you tried them?
You should try herbs.
I'm happy with herbs.
Way happy.
They should put them in the drinking water. Ha-ha-ha.
Black fluoride. Ha-ha-ha.
Are you here alone?
We are generally everywhere alone.
I love mystery.
Turns me on.
Well, you don't know me and I don't know you.
No.
I'm the neighbour. mm-hm.
There's always a neighbour at this kind of party.
Care to come to my place?
We'd only disappoint you as we have countless others.
That's the best line I've heard all night.
Thank you. mm.
We must leave now.
Hey, wait.
Wait.
Don't say no.
Just think about it.
If it's not now, some other time.
Just have to call me.
Goodbye, Mr. Leth. Goodbye, Mr. Leth. Goodbye, Mr. Leth.
Oh!
Next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
If the target timetable is attainable, press one.
If not, enter what is needed for target overrun.
Please enter the number of minutes needed for target overrun.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Go like this.
Ha-ha-ha. Sideways walks the crab, and...
Ha-ha-ha, oh!
No. No.
Come on.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no!
- What? Not now. - Processed data is due for upload.
Please enter number of minutes needed for target overrun.
That timetable is not authorised. Please enter the estimated number.
Please enter the estimated number. Shut up. Shut up.
That timetable is not authorised.
Please enter the estimated number. I'm gonna catch them.
That timetable is not authorised. Please enter the estimated number.
That timetable is not authorised. Please enter the estimated number.
- No. - Deep breaths, Qohen.
Not you. No, we won't breathe! Deep breaths, remember?
And you too!
No!
Hello?
Management says you've got a problem.
Quinn, you tortured little slut, that is. Been a long time.
How are you? Still dying, I see.
What are you doing here? Field work.
I love it. Gets me out of the office into a snappy uniform. Ha, ha.
You could use a woman's touch, Quinn.
Eh...
Ah. Management can't get through to you.
What's the story?
At present, we have difficulty maintaining our upload schedule.
The entities are behaving very strangely.
Yeah.
Personnel meltdown. I've seen plenty of it.
I'd pull you off the pitch
but Management wants to give you another chance.
Don't ask me why.
Ooh.
Phone trouble, was it?
Tried to fix it yourself, did you?
Wrong tool for the job.
Ball-peen's more for hammering out dents in sheet metal,
not for close tolerance phone repair.
It's all about connections, Quinn.
Wires, wireless, weaving a World Wide Web.
Can't get anything if you're disconnected.
Voilà.
Tell you what, this manual work's giving me a thirst.
You've not got a beer for a working man, have you?
We have tap water.
Yu m-yum.
Thank you.
I miss you, Quinn.
Supervisors don't make many friends.
You consider us a friend? Yeah, of course I do.
Of course I do.
So, what's the real problem?
The zero theorem is unprovable.
We still haven't received our phone call.
You don't trust Management.
Nothing adds up.
No, you got it backwards. Everything adds up to nothing, that's the point.
What's the point? Exactly. What's the point of anything?
You've got a case of the zero theorem heebie-jeebies.
Don't you think working sucked the soul out of me?
Bet your big bald buns, it did. I was nowhere near where you are.
You're knocking on the door, Quinn. No wonder you're stressed.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Do you really have no idea what you're doing?
We don't care. All we care about is our call.
Could you inform Management we want our call and we want it now?
Yes, yes, yes, God, talk about tunnel vision.
You'll get your call. You're a bundle of nerves.
You can't work like this.
You're not gonna get that call of yours all wound up tight like this.
I've got a friend who might be able to help.
You said you didn't have any friends. Ouch, Quinn, ouch. That hurts.
It's Qohen.
Q, no U, O-H-E-N.
All right. No need to spell it out, man.
I've got the picture.
Let Joby handle it.
- Yes? - Mr. Leth?
Qohen Leth?
Surprise.
Bainsley.
I waited.
You never called.
Oh, you poor thing.
Joby's right, you need me.
You're Mr. Joby's friend?
Well, Joby doesn't have any friends.
I feel so, so holy,
going to the chapel of love.
We prefer not to be touched.
The rent must be outrageous.
Actually, we own the building.
We bought it from an insurance company some years ago.
There'd been extensive fire damage.
The previous occupants were an order of monastic monks
who've sworn vows of chastity...
poverty and silence.
Apparently, no one broke the silence to yell fire.
And what do we have here?
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
Goodness me.
What other surprises do you have for me?
That was a gift from...
Shh.
You have...
the most intriguing bone structure.
So polished.
So, so pure.
Ahh. So pure.
Hey, a mighty big hard drive you got here.
What work do you do exactly?
Well, I sh**t trouble.
Mr. Joby seemed to think
that you might help us get our call? Yeah.
Yeah, he mentioned the call thing.
You're staring at me.
We're terribly sorry. Ahh!
I just broke a nail.
On your big, fat, stupid keyboard. We'll get our first aid kit.
Would you please just kiss it. Excuse us?
Whenever I hurt myself, my daddy would kiss it
and make it all better.
Well, we fail to see how... Please.
You call that a kiss?
There.
All better?
Excuse me,
couldn't help noticing this young lady's pathological attempts
to project upon you her unresolved issues of paternal abandonment.
Given the significant age difference between the two of you...
Nosy bitch.
My daddy didn't abandon me.
He d*ed.
In case you're getting the wrong idea,
I should tell you that I don't do sexual intercourse.
I don't care if a guy wraps himself up like a latex mummy.
But... But nothing is going inside me.
Way too dangerous.
I'm into tantric, bio-telemetric interfacing now.
It's smart and safe.
And, God, it just feel so super tingly.
Got anything to eat around here?
I'm starving my ass off.
Ah. What a mess.
You're staring at me again. Forgive us.
Well, I don't mind.
Just noticing, that's all.
You're a pretty intense guy.
So here you are, Qohen,
locked up all alone and waiting for...
For what? For a phone call?
So tell me, what's that all about? Hmm?
No, we've grown weary explaining ourselves.
But how am I supposed to help if you don't tell me? Hmm?
Please.
Please.
So come on.
How did it all start?
We're not quite certain.
We must confess that for good or ill,
that we always wanted to feel different,
unique.
Objective analysis, however, concluded that we're as inconsequential
as anyone else.
We are but one in many single worker bee
in a vast swarm
subject to the same imperatives as billions of others.
We dulled our discontent in alcohol, dr*gs, sex.
And then it happened.
One night...
oh, a long time ago,
we were awakened by the phone ringing.
We picked it up.
A voice on the other end said:
"Qohen Leth."
But before we could respond,
we felt this great yawning maul of power
opening through the phone line.
We felt a sudden rush of joy unlike anything we've ever felt before.
Then we knew quite clearly that we only had to answer "yes"
and the voice would tell us the meaning of our life.
The voice would tell us our special calling.
The voice would give us a reason for being.
And then?
And then...
in our excitement,
we dropped the receiver, disconnecting ourselves.
You've been waiting for a call-back ever since?
What other reason is there to pick up the phone?
Well, communication for one.
It's mostly unnecessary.
But that's what we're doing now.
In a manner of speaking.
So all this time, you've been waiting for a mysterious voice
to tell you what to do with your life.
Wow. Probably just a cold call anyway.
If you hadn't dropped the phone, you'd own a time share in Majorca.
Big deal. Heh.
Do you really believe everything you've just told me?
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
I can help you.
But don't go away.
And I'll be back in a tail shake, all right?
- Bainsley? - Bob, buzz me in.
Bob who? Bob, have to take a wicked pee.
Buzz me in, Scotty.
Our name isn't Scotty.
I know that, Bob.
Our name isn't Bob. Come on.
I'm doing the tinkle dance here.
Where's your bathroom?
Where's your bathroom?
It's here.
How did you get in?
f*cking magic.
Excuse my French.
Holy sh*t, man, I think I did some renal damage holding it in that long.
Slim got stuck in traffic.
Chubs drove, Bob.
Fast as I could.
Sign here. What?
A receipt of delivery.
We're delivering... Bob. Assigned to help you. Sign.
Brilliant. We'll pick him up in exactly four hours.
Don't lose him. Don't lose him.
I wouldn't mess with the clones if I were you.
They look harmless, but they'd just as soon flame you to death.
This is a... This is a creepy place you got here.
Are you okay?
Actually, we're dying.
For me to be with, I mean. You're a scary looking guy, Bob.
Would you please stop calling us Bob?
What do you want me to call you? Mr. Leth.
Leth? No, no, it's too wormy.
Qohen, then. Q, no U, O-H-E-N.
Gotta buy another vowel.
Q. Or Q.
Yeah, Q will do.
Q is you.
Happy now?
Why are you here?
Old man assigned me to get you up and running again.
The old man? The boss.
The Darth Vader of microprocessing.
The guy I call Daddy Dearest, also known as Management.
You're Management's son? The one and only.
Heir to his dark throne, stuck working this summer job.
Order us a pizza. I missed breakfast
and this is gonna take a while.
We have oatmeal if you chose... If I wanted to vomit.
Order the pie, double cheese.
f*ck. f*ck. How can you work like this?
Oh, it's f*cking ridiculous.
f*ck. f*ck.
I can't stand people gawking at me.
Dad, Dad.
Bob's on the job.
That's better.
Who can work...? Who can work with him looking over your shoulder?
We have nothing to hide.
The point is moot since we're not working for him any longer.
Yeah, right, keep telling yourself that.
What do you mean? The old man is not done with you yet.
But we're done with him.
Like those preceding us, we have burnt out.
We have decided to quit. Smart move.
Too bad you can't. What do you mean? Mr. Joby...
Joby will tell you whatever the old man wants him to.
You're a tool. The old man uses everybody.
That yummy night nurse chick?
Bainsley? Tool.
No.
She promised to help us. We are waiting for her.
Wait all you want. She's not gonna be back. Your call girl,
she was paid by the hour.
We don't believe you.
So, what do you think?
This thing is years ahead of the competition.
It works on nerve endings, of course,
but it's also synced directly to the brain synapses.
And Joby said it was one of your projects.
We can't imagine.
We never thought of our project actually having any purpose.
Top secret. I'm the cyberspace test pilot.
But first, you have to do something for me.
Voilà.
And one size fits all.
Isn't it dangerous? Oh.
Depends on your idea of danger.
Just trust me.
Suit up, plug in, and click on my website at midnight.
You're going out like that? They can look, but they can't touch.
And don't be late.
I can't wait.
So here's the deal, Q, straight from the old man himself.
You go back to work on this nasty Zippity-T...
We're no longer interested. And in return,
I get you your call.
You? You will get us our call?
Yes, I will get you your call. You're not the only genius around here.
I'm downloading your Shrink-Rom files even as we speak.
Those sessions are private. Sure they are.
Pizza! Pizza!
Pizza.
Ooh.
Nice.
That's nice.
Uh... Where do I put it?
Hmm.
Not Just A Pizza.
So...
cash or charge?
Hey.
Thank you.
What are you staring at? Uh, sorry. sh*t. Nothing.
Uh, um... Sorry. Oops. Heh-heh.
Wrong answer.
Thank you.
Hey.
Thank you.
Aaah!
Holy sh*t.
Oh, I think I got this hormonal paradigm shift going on right now.
Was she looking at me funny?
We've grown accustomed to people looking at us funny.
Yeah, but you are funny looking.
All right, I gotta run.
You can have the rest.
Our diet precludes pizza.
All right, well, save it.
I'll study your files, be back first thing tomorrow.
You're late. I'm right on time, Bob.
No excuses. Don't let this happen again.
I'll be back, Q, you can trust me. Let's go.
Why would we trust you?
You trusted everybody else. Might as well trust me.
Lose the "we" thing. I can't work with it. Too annoying.
Just ask the doc if you don't believe me.
One size does not fit all.
Hey.
Like it?
I made it just for you.
The hair.
Something special
for a special guy. Heh, heh, heh,
We're not at all sure it's quite us.
Don't be silly.
We no longer drink.
But you can do anything you want here.
You can drink and never get drunk.
And you can eat and never get fat.
Let's forget all about hammering out dents in sheet metal. Hoo!
mm.
Huh. Hm?
Good?
Hm?
Where is this place?
All in your mind,
or my mind.
mm.
Do you feel this?
But it's not real.
It's better than real.
You're in your computer. I'm in mine.
We're connected by memory chips and fibre optics.
And we're safe here.
Just trust me.
And let's get this party started.
Ah! Oh! Ha, ha, ha.
Ooh!
Hey, come on.
Just come. Ha, ha, ha.
Hey. Go. Whoo!
Yah!
Here, here.
Yeah.
Hey?
Qohen?
Qohen?
Who knew?
Can we die here?
I don't think so.
I hope. You're not supposed to.
Apparently, Management has assigned his own son to get us our call.
We really think that he's far too young to be entrusted with the responsibility
of such an extent that... Oh, don't be such a wuss, Q.
Bob's a genius.
Whiz kid, super brain.
And if you don't know that, shut up and listen.
How did you tamper with our Shrink-Rom programme?
Oh, it's easy. She's a tool too, in case you didn't notice.
Anyway, how long have you been talking like the Queen of England?
Longer than we can remember. Stop. f*ck off.
A former therapist suggested it as a way to...
Yeah, yeah.
As a way to closer relate to humankind.
Yeah, you keep it up, I'm gonna hurl.
Dear old Dad says I can use Mancom to get you your call,
as long as you keep crunching, of course.
He's all hot on you.
We can't imagine why.
I've been wondering about that too.
I figure there can only really be one reason.
You're the one, Q.
You are the chosen one.
You're the one the oracle said would someday come to us.
No. My guess: The old man picked you because you're such a work dog.
The man says mush, you hit the harness.
You drag that sled till you drop.
You have any idea what the zero theorem is all about?
Never seemed important.
Okay. Here's the poop, the whole poop, and nothing but the poop.
You're trying to prove that the universe is all for nothing.
All matter, all energy, all life,
it's just this one-time-only Big Bang glitch.
Expanding universe will eventually contract
into a super dense black hole.
Gravitational forces will be so strong that everything
will get squeezed into a point of zero dimension,
and "poof" the centre disappears.
No space, no time, no life, no afterlife, nothing.
Nada, zilch, zip, zero. Stop.
How would anyone believe such a horrible thing?
What's so horrible? I believe it.
Nothing's perfect. Nothing lasts forever.
It's nothing to worry about if you really think about it.
Your father should've assigned the zero theorem project to you.
Well, he's been trying to, for as long as I can remember.
But I refused to work on Zip-T. Why?
Well, because I'm nobody's tool.
All right, that's your job.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Zero must equal 100 percent.
Thank you.
Hey.
Don't. Don't, Qohen. Don't what?
Don't use this girl. We have no intention...
You've built a well. How is she to know what she'll find inside there?
She's an emotionally damaged girl, you're emotionally bereft.
This interruption is unacceptable.
We insist you run a scan on your programme.
Oh. Heh.
I'm sorry about that. Glitch fixed.
Shouldn't the sun have set by now?
I like to keep it this way.
Yeah.
But it's not real. Heh.
Who cares?
What's the matter?
Hm?
Hey, want to have some fun?
Just take us someplace else.
Us?
Where? Wherever.
A place all your own.
All you have to do is imagine it, and the VR programme will do the rest.
Come on, take a chance. I'm giving you the control.
Close your eyes.
And now
picture it in your mind.
Take us someplace special.
Wow. Heh, heh. What an imagination.
Ooh. Where's my bikini, Mr. Qohen Leth?
What's wrong?
Ah! Qohen, stop! Just close your eyes!
We can't! Qohen, stop!
Is that what's inside you?
How can you live with that kind of emptiness?
One day at a time.
Tell me you love me.
Just tell me.
I can help you.
We can help each other.
Tell me you love me.
Just trust me, Qohen.
Oh, yes, Bainsley.
Yes, Bainsley, yes.
Yeah, here we can love you.
No more being alone.
No more phone calls.
No more projects. No. No, don't even think that.
Don't say that. Here, Bainsley. We can love you here.
We don't care about anything. No, Management won't allow it.
Oh, Management. He has no control over us.
No, don't even think it. Qohen.
We can think what we want.
If Management doesn't like it, we quit. No!
Excuse us, Bob.
Bob!
Hey, hey, wanna keep it down? I'm trying to think.
How you doing with the mensicles? We're not precisely certain.
Yeah, well, mush on, Q. Mush on.
Jesus.
Answer your f*cking phone. Yeah?
Your next instalment of processed data is due for upload in one hour.
Old man's phone doll. Your next upload is due.
I'm nowhere near ready. All right. All right.
Uh, we gotta get back to you. All right. Bye.
Chill, Q, don't let tentacles get you down.
My guess is they're looking for the least little entity.
The entity who could.
Find her and she drags the rest behind...
Oh, there it is. Q! Don't let it get away. I got it. I got it.
f*ck, I'm gonna start a chain reaction.
Yeah!
What f*cking luck. What f*cking luck!
That ought to keep Mancom busy a while.
You're quite good at this, aren't you?
I can sprint, Q. but I can't go the distance.
If I didn't know it was impossible, I'd say you're closing in on this thing.
Better get you your call before you prove that nothing is calling.
Where are you going with that?
Major breakthrough. Gotta get with the mainframe and figure out the details
so we can get this baby flying again.
mm.
Oh, yes.
Bainsley, you are so, mm,
so hot.
Isn't she, boys?
Oh, we're just being joined by a new stud for tonight's g*ngb*ng.
Bainsley, say hi to Mr. Qohen Leth.
Hey. Hey.
Qohen.
We're connected by memory chips and fibre optics.
This is my place.
We're safe here.
She's not gonna be back, your call girl.
She was paid by the hour.
Hey.
Wakey-wakey. Q. Look what I got. I fixed it.
Check this out. Look what I made. All right.
Prototype, soul-searching device.
What do you want?
He's a cranky bastard, ain't we?
Is this what I lost weeks of sleep for?
Look, this call you're waiting for,
it's a figment of your imagination.
There's no such thing.
Not by phone at least. Ask your shrink.
Yeah.
Yo, yo, yo, doc, you there?
Tell him there's no phone call.
I'm authorising you to tell him the truth.
Come on, tell him he's delusional.
It's true, Qohen.
Your phone call's a delusion. Sorry about that.
I was programmed to leave your peculiar pathology untreated.
All right. Thanks, babes. See you. But I didn't...
The truth ain't pretty, Q.
But like my old man says, it'll set you free.
Your call ain't carried by British telecom.
It's coming from your soul, connect with it.
You know how everything inside you releases energy.
This suit will pick up the data and relay it back to Mancom's neural net.
How can you believe in the soul if you believe in nothing?
It's called a paradox, Q.
I'm young enough to believe all kinds of things.
Did you know...
that more than 33 different aboriginal tribes believe
that the soul resides somewhere in the lower digestive tract?
Absolutely true.
But here's the zinger.
None of these tribes have any knowledge of each other's existence.
Coincidence? Hm?
Coincidence?
Where do you think all these separate peoples got such an idea?
Dysentery.
Aha. Q, you're getting to be very funny lately.
Listen up, if you have a soul,
which I'm betting you do,
this baby will locate it
and connect you with it.
Did you order pizza? Did you order pizza?
Can I come in?
It's Management's son.
You know Management, don't you?
I'm so sorry.
Joby told me I could have the VR suit if I played along.
And you just seemed just...
Well, you were lonely.
You're wrong.
We were always alone, never lonely.
Qohen, please.
Bainsley, Bob. Bob, Bainsley,
She won't be staying long.
Hi. Hi.
The Hawaiian tropics chick, eh?
Marooned yourself with this guy?
Well, we expect technology supplied the necessary enticement.
Yeah, she's like a 10.
There's no way she'd want an old guy, Q. No offence.
None taken. But I do want him.
I think, and I'm pretty sure.
What for? Heh, heh.
- There's just something about him. - Yeah, right.
Must be the preservatives.
Hey, don't laugh at me.
Sorry.
I know it doesn't make sense,
but I need you... I need you to believe me.
You said you never wanted to leave me.
That wasn't us, that was someone else.
No, that was you, stripped of all your fear.
A cheap preferential trick.
What are you really afraid of?
We accept your apology
and wish you well in all your future endeavours.
Hoping that Management will assign someone else
to serve as the object of your affection.
Well...
Everything I own is in my van outside.
I don't know where I'm going,
but will you come with me?
Jesus. Q, do it.
We're afraid it is too late.
It is time Bainsley was on her way. We have work to do.
We'll go somewhere far away,
to a special place,
on a tropical island.
A real one.
Just come with me.
I know we connected somehow, you know?
I know we did.
And you need me.
And I need to be needed so bad.
Just come with me.
You know we can be together for real.
Just run away with me.
No, we can't.
Jesus Christ, Q, do you have any heart at all?
Hey, hey, do you need a break? Yeah.
We feel like a rat in a rat trap.
I've been ready to gnaw my foot off since I got here.
Let's get out of this tomb.
Do you mean us? Yeah.
You and... Me and yous.
Come on. Whatever happened to giving up that "we" sh*t?
Well, we've been trying.
Yeah, sure you have. Come on. Let's go. Up. Come on.
We haven't been outside in over a year.
What happened to you, man?
Life happened to me.
Look, life happens to everybody, all right?
Try thinking about somebody besides your own selves.
I'm tired. I'm stressed.
And I'm traumatised for the rest of my poor love life
with the way you dissed that Bainsley, who is a scabillion times
the woman that you deserve, so...
I need a break, Q, all right? So get your...
Get your f*cking head out of your ass and follow me.
- There we are. - Come on. Come on, let's go.
- Penny for the guy? - No, go. Go.
Come on. Come on, then.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Come on. Come on.
Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You don't need...
You don't need skin cancer.
Right, there you go. This is a big day.
A big day. We're going to the park.
And I got this new song too, just for you.
Let's go.
Good morning.
You having fun? Excuse us?
Are you having a good time?
Approximately.
Your dreams are our dreams. That's why we say:
"Enough is never enough." Call us today.
Jeez. What are you doing?
Get out of my way. Punks!
f*ck you. I know, I know, I'm f*cking...
...reaches out to that special you.
They'll never get it up.
A little tail would make that thing more aerodynamically active.
Ready? One, two, three.
You ever have a girlfriend?
Yeah, we had a girlfriend when we were your age.
We spent every possible moment with our long walks,
movies, lying in the backyard staring up at the stars
until her parents called her in, sent us home.
Very much in love with her, as we recall.
What ever happened to her?
We married her, she eventually divorced us
and we never saw her again.
Thanks for that happy, hopeful little parable.
I can hardly wait for my own first divorce. Heh.
Yeah, more, more. That's it, yeah. I don't know any girls my age.
Seems like getting old would be pretty boring.
Old people, they just... They do the same thing day after day after day.
Like listening to the same song over and over and over.
Yeah, maybe it's a good song.
Maybe. After a while, it gets old.
Ah! Get out of here. Go.
You know, I'm 15.
I'm 15 and already tons of stuff bores me to death.
Think about what will happen when I get as old as you.
I'm about to crash.
I need some food.
Do us a couple of dogs, Q?
A couple of wieners for a couple of weenies.
Can we have some relish on ours? Of course. You got it.
You know, I just met her, but I really miss Bainsley.
Must be k*lling you, losing a doll like that.
Sorry, man. I'm going.
Just come with me.
We connected.
You need me.
And I need to be needed so bad.
What's the matter? Just realising what a jerk you were dumping Bainsley?
I'm just thinking...
Did I just hear what I think I heard?
I told you. I've been working on it.
That's what I like about you, man.
You're not too old a dog to learn new tricks.
What's wrong? I'm just dizzy. I'm dizzy.
Just a little dizzy.
You're burning up.
Happens when I don't sleep. Not a big deal.
You need medical attention. Just get me aspirin
and run me a cool bath.
I feel better already.
I just need some sleep.
Bob?
Bob?
Unh!
I... No.
I don't wanna take...
I knew nothing.
Ow.
Unh!
You have made a very big mistake.
He just needs some rest. Yeah.
Come on.
- I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes. - Here we go.
We'll be back tomorrow for the hardware.
Don't touch anything.
We have notified your supervisor.
Quinn, you bastard.
I just called by
to say thank you for getting me fired from my job.
You're still a tool.
At least I'm not playing patty-cake in a bathtub
with a teenage boy, you sick freak.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
I know what I know.
I had a good job till you came along and you f*cked it up
and you f*cked up Zip-T and you f*cked up poor old Bob.
Well, I'm here to say f*ck you and the entity around it all.
That's F-U-Q-U, Quinn!
You know my name. I know who you are.
Leth!
Do you?
Unh!
I'm afraid you won't find my son here, Mr. Leth.
He's been hospitalised.
Is he all right?
If I believed in miracles, I'd be praying for one now.
He's not well.
My son's never been well.
I've tried to protect him, but he's always chafed at my touch.
This morning, he stole a car from my vintage collection.
Are you real or are you just in my mind?
It doesn't matter at all. You're part of the neural net now.
So there's no answer? Depends on the question.
What I'm living for?
That's a good question, Mr. Leth, posed to the entirely wrong person.
You seem to have mistaken me for a considerably higher power.
I'm not the source of your call. I'm not God or the devil.
I'm just a man seeking the truth.
What truth if...? Turn around and look.
That's it.
Chaos encapsulated.
That's all there is at the end,
just as it was at the beginning.
There it is then. You've proved the zero theorem.
Not quite. Mancom is still, as you said, crunching the data.
Why would you want to prove that all is for nothing?
I never said all is for nothing. I'm a businessman, Mr. Leth.
Nothing is for nothing.
What? There's money in ordering disorder.
Chaos pays, Mr. Leth. Chaos comprises a rich vein of ore
that with Mancom's muscle, will be all mine
to mine.
The saddest aspect of mankind's need to believe in a God,
or to put it another way, a purpose greater than this life,
is that it makes this life meaningless.
You see, this is all just a way station on the road to promised eternity.
The reason I chose you...
I mean, rather perversely, I admit,
is because you represent the antithesis of my project.
A man of faith.
You see, you've persisted in believing that a phone call
could give your life meaning. You've waited and waited,
and as a result, you've led a meaningless life.
I'm sorry, but I no longer require your services.
You pervert! You devil!
You monster!
You tear me up, charge me interest.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
I'm sorry, Mr. Leth. I no longer require your services.
Mancom, making sense of the good things in life.
Mancom, making sense of the good things in life.
Mancom, making sense of the good things in life.
Mancom, making sense of the good things in life.
Mancom, making good things of man life.
Man things in good...
Making good things...
Making...
Making man life... Making man life... Making man life...
Making man life... Making man life... Making man life...
Oh.
Yes, you were the wrong tool, mate.
Qohen?
Heh, heh, heh. Qohen.
Hey, Qohen.
Zero Theorem, The (2013)
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