♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
♪ Oh, Alcatraz
♪ Oh, Alcatraz
♪ The scariness is on our
diploma ♪
♪ For shepherds pie
♪ Our nose held high
♪ You can’t tell a smell by it’s
aroma ♪
♪ Oh, Alcatraz
♪ Oh, Alcatraz
♪ You make my brain get bigger
♪ I’ll stand on guard
for Alcatraz ♪
♪ My boots stick on
for winter... ♪
Who wrote this?
Thanks.
Ahem.
Is this thing on?
(Microphone screeching)
ALLYes, it’s on!
(All chattering)
I penned those new school
theme song lyrics myself.
ALLWe know!
It would have had an extra
verse, but I couldn’t think of
anything to rhyme with "smuch."
Vice Principal Zeigler, the
th anniversary?
Have we been married that
long?
♪
Of the school.
Oh.
We’re all very proud of Alcatraz
Junior High!
Next week, your school marks
it’s th anniversary.
We will be celebrating with a
banquet for current students,
students from years gone by, and
perhaps...some invisible
students from the future.
You all have duties for the
school’s th anniversary
banquet.
Sandra and Pelswick, you’re in
charge of developing a theme.
At last, something I can,
like, artistically grapple with.
The unspoken essence of the
school.
In, like, sundry period fabrics
and motifs.
Can I be swung headfirst into
the dinner gong instead?
(Clanging)
Julie, you can help them.
Julie?!
Okay, I’m there.
Theme time.
Your place, my place?
Long nights over a candlelit
hamburger--
Quiet!
Yes, ma’am.
Ace and Goon?
You’re in charge of ticket
sales.
Marty Humlub, you can be the
official student body
representative.
(Cackling)
Student body dweeb, you mean!
You’ll be greeting our
distinguished guests.
Some athlete named "Bulldog
Benson."
(Gasping)
Bulldog Benson went to
Alcatraz?
And wimp-o Marty gets to meet
him?
And Bulldog Benson’s gonna be
there.
And Boyd will be there green and
vibrating.
Tickets are twenty bucks!
I think we should all go.
I wouldn’t pay a nickel to
see Bulldog Benson!
Oh, he’s not tough.
They had real helmets in his
day.
In my football years, we had
straw hats!
Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on, kitty.
KITTY THINKINGHmmm, like
I’m gonna move faster than
this for organic, skimmed milk.
Guess what, everybody?
The university just handed me a
marvellous opportunity.
I’ve been told that henceforth,
I can expand my occupational
horizons without regard to
university limitations.
What does that mean?
They fired me!
No way!
(Sobbing)
Quentie, Quentie.
Come to mama.
Mommy!
Hard times ahead.
We’re gonna need this more than
you.
All the answers to the
spring’s semester exams were in
my office safe, but they’re
disappeared!
’Peared.
I promised Dean Chopkin our
files were secure.
If those exam answers got into
the wrong hands...
Stupid people could do well
outside of politics?
Who else has the combination
to your safe?
Absolutely nobody.
Well then, I guess you did
it.
Of course he didn’t do it,
Gram Gram.
Dad, here’s your tea.
Thanks, sweetie.
I take milk.
Not anymore you don’t.
Listen up, people!
Until our breadwinner becomes a
functioning member of society
again, we’re gonna have to
tighten our belts.
That means no luxuries or
frivolous power consumption!
GRAM GRAMSo, I guess this
would be a bad time to ask for a
new left hip, huh?
KATEBatteries cost money!
What are you doing?
You know, ever since I’ve
been standing here, not one
ocean-going vessel has crashed
into your house.
Whoa, you look like you
discovered a cure for happiness.
My dad got fired.
From his job?
No, from his hobby.
Yes, from his job!
The whole family feels so bad
for him.
Yeah, it’s awful losing your
job.
It can just freak you right out.
It can give you cold sweats,
shaky hands, jiggl-y hip, the
weight gain, googly lip.
Basically, it turns you into the
King.
Uh-hunka-hunka-yeah.
Is that some sort of bad
cartoon imitation?
Ah, thank you.
Thank you very much.
You know, you should really
take your act on the road.
Preferably a real busy one.
You’re not asleep yet?
Good.
Why good?
We have to rent out your
room.
These are the Bernsteins’.
KATEGram Gram, what are we
eating?
Garlic potato rissoles.
Oh, the potato is nature’s
little miracle.
Cheap, filling and...cheap.
I’m worried about Dad.
Don’t you guys worry about
your father.
He wouldn’t let this thing lick
him.
Has anyone seen the paper?
(Burping)
Don’t worry, Dad.
I already looked through the
business section and put the
best jobs on your plate in
order of pay scale and human
dignity.
Don’t start at the bottom, it’s
a major downer.
Thanks, but I just wanted the
comics.
I’ve been looking up the
school’s history.
Alcatraz was built on the side
of an old apiary.
There used to be a bunch of
monkeys here?
Actually, an apiary’s where
they keep bees, Goon.
Why don’t they call it like
a bee-ary?
I don’t know.
Right after the school was
built, they used the bee theme
for lots of activities.
SANDRALike, whoa!
The football team was called the
Busy Bees.
Look at those outfits!
JULIEThis would make a neat
theme for the banquet.
What do you think, Pelswick?
Huh?
Oh, sorry, guys.
I’ve sort of got other things on
my mind.
He must be sick.
He left his potato sandwich and
homemade potato juice.
Moderately good potato soup,
Gram Gram.
How’s your jobs with the
works department?
I was fired.
No problem, I’ll get another job
tomorrow.
Did Dad look for work today?
Dad didn’t look for his shoes
today.
TV ANNOUNCERUp next on TV
oldiesMatch Game .
Oooh, a speedboat.
PELSWICKHe didn’t get out
of the house?
He didn’t even get out of his
bathrobe.
That’s why I got you this.
Congratulations, you’re a paper
boy.
No way!
I’m not delivering newspapers;
-year-old girls deliver
newspapers!
Uncool -year-old girls!
I’m too hip, too happening.
Listen, Austin Powers.
You think I enjoy pretending I’m
a blind blues singer outside a
java joint?!
♪ Ain’t no jam on Mama’s jam
roll ♪
♪ No wood in Mama’s fence ♪
♪ Mama ain’t got nothin’ but the
blues and cents ♪
(Harmonica playing)
♪ But the blues and cents
(Harmonica playing)
You do what you gotta do.
At least this you can do early
in the morning when no one is
awake to see you.
I’m ready!
T-bone steak or chicken wings?
We have steak and chicken
wings?
We sure do!
Who wants the potato carved into
the shape of a steak, and who
wants the potato carved into a
chicken wing?
Oh, come on, come on.
Give papa some biggie.
Don’t make me deliver
newspapers!
What do you got for me?
"Thank you for your generous
contribution."
Oh.
RADIO DJ:Hey, hey, you
night owls!
It’s :, you better get to
bed!
(Yelling)
(Growling)
(Dogs barking)
(Crashing)
I’m pleased to announce,
we’ve agreed on a theme for our
school’s anniversary banquet.
The buzzing Bayview bees.
Stangle’s Honey is graciously
lending us some old hives for
decoration.
Sandra’s decorating the hall,
and of course, Marty is greeting
Bulldog.
Goon, you can go to Stangle’s
and pick out the hives.
If Mr. Stangle’s not there, he
says take them from the left
side of the barn.
Left?
The museum has, like,
graciously offered to lend us
the original bees mascot costume
for Marty.
Oh, they have, have they?
SANDRASo that’s, like,
everything.
Pelswick?
Paper miss--
Pelswick!
Wh-- wh-- what?
I wasn’t delivering anything, it
wasn’t me!
No papers?
Huh, papers?!
(Laughing)
I was turned down by seven
companies today.
Three of them said I was too
light for heavy work, and three
said I was too heavy for light
work.
And the other one said I wasn’t
old enough.
What job are you not old
enough for?
Cruise ship entertainment
director.
Is your father gonna eat?
KATEHe ate.
RADIO DJHey, hey,
night owls!
It’s :, bed-y bye time...
Extra, extra.
Read all about me!
Hey, check this out.
There’s an article here about
stress.
Don’t tell me about stress.
I go to school all day.
After that, I have this boring
banquet planning committee, then
I go to bed before Bobby just so
I can get up at :am to
deliver these stupid newspapers!
And if that isn’t bad enough,
I’ve had nothing to eat but
potatoes.
For the last three days!
Stress can make you
short-tempered.
It can give you zits.
(Blowing)
Don’t you love popping these?
(Sirens wailing)
Yee-haw!
Was that a hallucination?
Nah, that was her second job
this morning.
The modelling gig didn’t pan
out.
I gotta go.
You can do it, you can
do...it.
You can stay awake.
You can--
(Snoring)
Put the ladder under that
window.
(Sighing)
(Whooshing)
One of the dimwits put that
together all wrong.
Ah, maybe they had it right
after all.
What have you done to
Bayview-a-saurus?
You’re fired!
Hey, look!
There’s Pelswick.
Where?
Behind the paper guy?
Actually, Goon, he is the
paper guy.
Oh!
Hey, Pelswick!
Wake up!
Wh-- wh-- huh?
Pelswick, what’s up with the
paper boy gig?
Pelswick?
I’m sorry, but you boys have the
wrong guy.
Oh, we’re sorry we--
Goon!
Come on, Pelswick.
We know it’s you.
What’s going on?
It is Pelswick!
You gotta promise not to tell
anyone about this.
My dad got canned, and we all
took on jobs to help out.
I got stuck with the paper
route.
Man, that really bites.
Hey, Goon and I are going to
Burger Barrel for lunch.
Why don’t you come with us?
We’ll buy you a burger.
Thanks, guys!
I’d appreciate some meat that
isn’t carved out of a potato.
So, these exam answers went
missing and he was held
responsible.
That’s horrible.
Gram Gram?
What are you doing...working
here?
I lied about my cleanliness.
What’ll you have?
What do you recommend?
Anything but the food!
(Cackling)
I’ll get my coat.
The left side of the barn.
My left?
Or the barn’s left?
(Bees buzzing)
What a bizarre theft!
Unless they find it before
tonight, I guess Marty will have
to greet Mr. Benson without the
historic costume.
Pelswick, how did you get a
copy of today’s paper before you
went home?
No, that’s a stinking lie!
I was in bed all night!
What?
Actually, I ran out and
bought one.
I need to know the pollen count
everyday so I know how much to
sneeze.
No, no, no!
Not black, yellow, black,
yellow.
Yellow, black!
Yellow, black!
Great news!
You got me a different job?
No, I got you more of the
same job!
Tomorrow, you’re delivering to
the university as well.
What?!
It’s an extra ten bucks.
We could probably afford French
fries with that.
How’s it going, Dad?
(Grumbling)
You look like you could use some
vitamin C.
You want a potato carved into an
orange?
GRAM GRAMHey, hey,
night owls.
It’s Gram Gram radio, all hits,
all through the night.
With no annoying commercials,
’cause I hate ’em as much as
you do.
What-- oh-- oh-- let go of me!
What the--
(Screaming)
Young street lamps seemeth
enclosed and thus impervious to
mine lighted stick.
Number one, nobody ever
talked like that.
And number two, cities haven’t
had lamplighters for years.
That’s the stress talking.
And this is my fist talking.
(In high pitched voice:)
Hi Pelswick, you’re early this
morning.
I’ve got to do the university
from now on as well.
I can visit my dad’s old office.
Did I mention stress could
raise your blood pressure and
cholesterol?
Yeah, that’s great.
Did I mention that I’m not
interested?
Huh?
Dean Chopkin?
What are you doing here this
early?
Well, since I’ve got you here,
could I talk to you about my
dad?
I don’t know what happened to
those files, but he’s been under
a lot of pressure with exams
coming up.
As I suppose you are too.
And like a friend of mine says,
being tired and overworked can
make you do weird things!
Like sleepwalk!
You took the files from Dad’s
safe!
Dean Chopkin, wake up!
Wait, just wait one sec.
My coat is--
(Screaming)
(Screaming)
Stop!
Stop!
No, no, no!
(Repeating)
Oooh, sharp corner!
Whew.
Dean?
Uh, Dean?
Dean?
I hate to do this, but it’s for
my father’s own good.
Ow!
What am I doing here?
You were sleepwalking.
You’ve been taking all the files
you’re so worried during the
day, and hiding them at night.
My dad gets his job back,
right?
What are you looking at?
You’re a paper boy?
At your age?
Ow!
Careful you boneheads!
I may have to let your
stinger out another six inches.
(Sighing)
Thank you for getting my job
back, Pelswick.
But I’d appreciate it if you
didn’t mention to any of my
friends that--
That you sat in front of the
TV and gurgled for three days?
Nah, I won’t.
No, that you were a paper
boy.
At your age.
(All chattering)
(Microphone screeching)
Is this thing on?
ALLYes, it’s on!
Welcome to the annual
Iditarod Sled Run.
Let’s deice the dogs and get
going!
I told you, it’s not the
Iditarod Sled Run, it’s the
anniversary banquet!
I mean, the th anniversary
banquet!
Please welcome football great
and Alcatraz alumnus, Bulldog
Benson.
(Cheering)
Here to present Mr. Dog with a
very special plaque that we
bought yesterday at a flea
market, and stuck a new name on
with glue, is our student body
representative.
♪
No, I have to give this to
Mr. Benson.
Losers can’t be schmoozers,
Marty.
I’ll take that.
(Cheering)
Gram Gram?
I booked the gig before your
dad got his job back.
You didn’t tell me he was cute!
BOYDBulldog, I’m your
biggest fan!
No, he isn’t, Bulldog.
I am!
Get out of my way, you little
hoodlum--
(Screaming)
(Bees buzzing)
(Screaming)
Huh, he must have meant my
left.
(Screaming)
Oh, the bee humanity.
(Glass breaking)
Look out, Marty!
Bees!
No way, not only do I take
his job, now Marty’s being
att*cked by bees?
(Laughing)
Huh?
They think Marty’s the queen.
Has Marty grown?
(Screaming)
It’s okay, everyone.
We’re all right.
The banquet can continue.
Start the entertainment.
♪ When I was born in Louisiana
♪ I was already years old
♪ ’Cause Mama couldn’t afford no
baby food ♪
♪ That’s what I’ve been told ♪
♪ I’m a beekeeper, baby ♪
♪ Stirring up the honey of your
love ♪
♪ I’m a beekeeper, baby ♪
♪ Stirring up the honey of your
love ♪
(Bees buzzing)
(Screaming)
♪
02x07 - The Case of The Filchered Files
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Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.